Wanted peanut butter with my apple and this was what was left in the jar I just bought after my ex stayed with me for two days
They're right.I know a girl who lost her whole microwave by hooking up with a random chick at the bar.
Woke up, microwave gone.
That is insane!
That’s actually a pretty easy way to get a new microwave now that I’m thinking about it. Just go to a bar and hook up with whoever’s drunk enough to bring you home. Boom, new microwave.
Jokes on you, I don't have a microwave.
If only Walmarts were still open 24/7 there would be hope
Nope, I learned my lesson about picking up women at the Walmart.
I prefer Five Guys...
Phrasing!
That’s a lot of guys. You must be sore.
So do they. Like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.
I demand at least six.
Mine's so ugly and it's built in over the stove. Please steal it? The eco friendly in me doesn't have the heart to throw it out until it breaks.
I thought you were talking about your ex for a moment there
Who says he isn't
Same!
I was doing this with my microwave and stove. Microwave gave out so I replaced it, now I have the nicest new stainless steel microwave over a very very old white stove, and it’s gas so it’s never actually going to die 😂
(Before someone comes at me with eco and health cost of gas stove vs. induction, I will replace it, but it’s expensive so gimme a minute.)
Do not worry about the eco vs health when it comes to gas stoves. It's like transitioning from gas/petrol cars to electric. Yes, it would be awesome if we all did it, but a. We don't have the resources ready to go for everyone to do it and b. The carbon footprint for buying a new electrical car is pretty significant and you're better off driving your current car until it NEEDS to be replaced.
And on a positive note: never say never. When I moved into my first home, the home inspector said the stove had "many years left" in it. It died about 6 months after moving in. 😂 And the repair was about the same cost as a new stove.
Shitty Life Pro Tip right here
… or Unethical Pro Life Tip. <wink>
I mean, if you’re in it for the long game it can be the first step in owning half someone else’s stuff, really.
It was thrown in a river in Paris
How romantic
Awww... Now our life would forever smell like burnt popcorn!
I don't think I'd even be mad. I'd be impressed.
A whole wheel of cheese
It didn’t even micro wave goodbye. I’ll see myself out
slams door behind you
opens the door again and throws Angry Upvote at AntRevolutionary
”Dont forget this!”
LMAO
locks and deadbolts door
Realizes nuts are stuck between two rooms
A microwave? What an odd thing to steal. The only other time I've heard of that was Steven Colbert taking bill O'Reillys microwave. Why I'll never know but it fetched like $10k at auction for charity a few years later
A friend from college lost his dorm air fryer the same way, but it was his roommate who brought home some random dude from a bar while he was home for winter break.
I woke up to a girl trying to unplug my DVD player. To be fair, the sex was so depraved I almost let her keep it, but it was £400 from Richer Sounds and I really liked it.
I'd actually appreciate my shitty microwave being stolen. It'd give my frugal-ass an excuse to buy a new one.
But I don't think my wife would like me hooking up with a random chick.
Bye Felicia!
Ha, for some reason I read this as they weren't the "ex" until two days later when the peanut butter was gone
😆 it would make sense!
Lesson learned.
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7d
Jesus fuck that didn’t go where I thought it was going
It's always in the last place you look
Oh. I did not see that one coming
Dad joke. User name checks out.
I think it's actually a dead joke
I like to think that when the ex stayed over they were the partner. This was the last straw and now they’re the ex.
Does OP have a dog?
Sex for peanut butter is a good deal.
For both parties.
Got me laughing
Swipe that sucker with a spatula
*the jar, not the ex
Oh I did—I have been ridiculously poor at various times in my life, so I know how to get blood from a turnip. But it ended up being less than a small spoonful left, not even enough for a quarter of my apple. And it was supposed to be extra crunchy peanut butter, but all of the crunchies were gone by that point :(
NOOOOOO! Not the crunchy! 😭
Just gives you an excuse to try Smunchy peanut butter. Yes it's a thing, and it's awesome, it's smooth combined with crunchy to form the perfect peanut butter.
I must know more about this.
Mayver's makes a few different types, including a Smunchy protein PB, and a 5 seeds smunchy. It's the perfect compromise between smooth and crunchy.
Gross, he probably kept licking his fingers and jamming them in there
I'd be more infuriated about someone leaving the jar with 17 nanograms of PB than the fact that they actually ate it all. Leaving a jar in that state is like a total FU.
Yeah, that’s what is infuriating. Like, I would’ve rather he finished the jar and threw it away so I didn’t see the jar in the pantry and think there was some left. He did this all the time with everything—he’d leave two chicken nuggets in the bag and put it back in the freezer, he’d leave a handful of chip crumbs in the bag and fold it back up and put it in the pantry like that, he’d leave 3 Cheez-its in the box and close the box up and put it back in the pantry like that, he’d leave 2 bites of chicken salad or pasta salad in the container and put it back in the fridge like that, he’d use all but an ounce of milk in the jug and put the jug back in the fridge, etc. If I ever made a pie, he would eat all of the filling and leave the whole crust, then put the foil back on top of the pie pan and leave it like that. If I made cookies, he would eat all but one of them within a few hours and put the lid back on the container I put them in, then put it right back in the cabinet. It was beyond infuriating.
This is absolutely "If I didn't finish it, I don't have to replace it." jerkface energy.
Yes! Exactly this. He’s also the kind of person who will deliberately push all your buttons and then tell you to calm down when you finally react.
So glad he’s your ex. Hope he stays single until he grows.
I know it’s never too late to grow as a person, but he’s in his mid-50s and has been this way with his other exes (we’ve all talked lol). He has always gotten by like this because he just moves around to whoever until he finds someone to put up with him for a while. Then when they tire of his shit, he moves on to someone new. There’s just always gonna be someone else out there he can fool, so he has no incentive to grow or change.
That’s awful. I was expecting it to be someone in their early 20’s. Oh well. It’s crazy to me that doing things like that is top priority to some people.
When you live your life like that, that’s how your brain thinks all the time. All I can say is it must be exhausting.
It's easy once they're in the flow of it. At no part of the process do they consider your feelings, or have to throw away/clean something. They're just being as lazy as possible, it's the worst. How hard can it be to take the single extra step even just half the time?
Out of curiosity, why the hell would you even consider letting him stay with you after knowing everything you’ve mentioned in these comments?
Because I’m an idiot, duh. And he was crying about not having anywhere to go, not having a shower in a week, he was overheated from walking, etc. I felt bad for him.
Sorry, I got my answer in another comment you replied to and meant to come back and edit this.
You didn’t let him stay because you’re an idiot, you let him stay because you’re a good person and wanted to help someone you care about (whether that’s good for you or not). I’m glad you’re realizing he’s not good enough for you and hopefully moving on, but I’m not even going to try to judge you for trying to be the bigger person.
You’ve gotta block him hon
Seems like he fooled you into an extra two days though xD
Hobosexual
Serial hobosexual
I’m guessing this is why you got rid of his sorry ass lol.
Sounds like a lazy, inconsiderate, jackwagon. It appears you’ve reflected and understand your mistake very well, especially as he reminded you why he’s not relationship material before he left.
I don't even understand this type of laziness. It's the same amount of effort to put something in the trash as it is the fridge. Very odd.
It’s his way of making sure she ends up using the last little bit of whatever he ate/drank 99% of. This way she will use the last tiny bit and have to go to the grocery to get more. This takes the burden off of him of going to the store or even needing to mention anything to her. Such is the way of self-centered leeches.
It's also a trick so that if she's the last to use it, then she should clean it. It's 1000% an abuse tactic.
It’s not really about being lazy. This is on purpose. He knows what he’s doing
I'm gonna offer a different perspective from the other commenters and say it's not any laziness, and not about intentionally messing with someone else, but the opposite: absolute unbridled narcissism and self centeredness. I get the feeling he's only thinking I want exactly this amount of a thing, and whatever happens to the rest does not concern me. I don't think people who do this even realize they're doing it, they just focus on getting exactly what they want and literally don't think through any farther than that. When confronted, I imagine they justify it by saying they don't want to waste the remnants of whatever is there. Not because that's really the truth, but because it's difficult to argue against (if it were genuine).
Yes! Lesson learned. This is just the tip of the iceberg of his ways, but it perfectly sums up who he is.
Oh hell no with eating all the pie filling! That's just mean. Glad he's your ex.
I had a post about the pie on my profile several years ago, but I think I might’ve deleted it because he saw it and got mad at me. It was a pecan pie that I had and he ate all the filling and just left the crust. If anyone knows how expensive pecans are, they would understand how that felt. But also, pecan pie is my favorite, and I was really looking forward to having some when I took the foil off and discovered that.
My Dad does this and it makes no sense, and it's incredibly frustrating.
I mean I'm 31 now, so I don't deal with him that much, but I feel your pain.
Is your mom still around and still with him? What does she think of it?
My current bf does this but it doesn’t usually affect me this directly. He will eat all but 4 pretzels and put the container back, rather than just finishing it. Same with last two bites of anything - pizza, sushi, tacos, steak, etc. Literally never clears a plate and it drives me nuts. That said, he cleans up after himself and replaces what he uses, so it’s more just a pet peeve of mine. The shit you described would absolutely set me off.
I had a roommate like this. It was behavior like a person who grew up with food insecurity, except she really didn’t. idk what was wrong with her. she would just leave it forever too, she wasted more food than anyone else i ever lived with. horribly frustrating.
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6d
Grab a spatula and you'll realize there's actually a decent amount of PB in there.
Two days? How can someone eat a whole jar in two days?
Just eating it with a spoon probably.
Or since judging from OP’s other examples of what the ex did…I wouldn’t put it out of the realm of possibility of them just scooping the pb out of the jar and throwing it away. Just to be a dick
Just eating it with a spoon probably.
I have a friend I roomed with, and they would sit on the couch next to me, and luxuriate in eating peanut butter from the jar with a spoon, and LICK THE SPOON thoroughly, like every single spoonful.
Oh. My. God! Talk about an oral fixation... 
Drove me insane.
That's just nasty and absolutely insane behavior. It's like those people who say AHH after every sip, we have one on our discord channel and we put him in a special push to talk role because he is physically incapable of not making that noise. Just absolute fuckery to the max with those people. Take the drink and shut up, eat the spoonful of peanut butter without deepthroating the spoon and making it feel violated. These people just fucking enrage me, who do they feel the need to go to such excess and grossness is beyond me.
IKR?! Id have diarrhea for days if I ate that much pb in 2 days. Holeeeee shiiiiiit.🤢
That's an insane amount of calories. Dude must be big as hell.
Smoking a lot of weed can definitely make you do that, I know from experience
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7d
I dunno. My mom can’t even keep PB in the house. She has no control and probably spreads 4 times the amount of PB I do, on an English muffin. So she just doesn’t buy it haha
Weed.
I don’t smoke anymore and I go through at least a jar a week. I could go through more but I try to control myself. I slather it on an apple for breakfast (equal parts apple and PB) Make sandwiches and just eat spoonfuls throughout the day
I could definitely eat a jar in two days. I have a bit of a problem when it comes to eating PB.
I can see why they're an ex.
Why are you giving your ex food and housing?
Because I’m an idiot with empathy and he was crying about having nowhere else to go, promised he’d sleep downstairs and not try to come to bed with me, promised he would clean up after himself, promised he’d contribute to what he was using up, promised he’d respect my boundaries, etc. And yeah, I know it’s my fault for actually thinking he’d keep any of those promises when he never did in the past, but I can still be mad that he ate all my peanut butter.
Man was just out on the street looking for peanut butter
Looks like he found it.
Girl… I’m gonna hold your hand when I tell you this… men lie sometimes. Often.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Never do that again. Last time i had empathy for someone who has no where to go i got stuck for 4 months until i could evict her. Never again. Haven't dated in 3 years since and i don't want to date anyone again.
Don’t put pieces of shit back in your ass. Put yourself first. Setting boundaries doesn’t take away from the fact you are a kind and caring person.
Thank you. You’re right and I know it, I just made a mistake.
It’s ok. I’m the same way, so I’m telling you that out of self love and understanding. No matter who you have to say no to, or why, that doesn’t change the glaring FACT you are a wonderful person. You protect that wonderful person. That person deserves to be cherished. That person deserves fresh baked peanut butter cookies and the sweetest apples!
Aw, thank you for your kind words and encouragement. The same right back at you, and I wish you all the best in your life!
You’re not an idiot, but I’m sure this will be a lesson learned. As a fellow lover of peanut butter, I feel the anger. And as someone who also used to be too empathetic to shit hole exes and people in general, I hope the day you recognize your self worth comes soon because it is a game changer 🤍.
I know you’re right, and this is such a whole separate discussion in itself. So far all that happens when I hold others to higher standards and set boundaries for myself that I will not accept others crossing is that they get mad and/or defensive and either try to make me feel bad for having those standards/setting those boundaries or just stop talking to me. I know now that that is just a big red flag and they aren’t worth my time anyway, but in the past I would’ve apologized to them for their shitty behavior and just never tried to set any boundaries again just to avoid conflict. So now I’m literally having to start from scratch on who I am as a romantic partner and it’s been quite an experience. It’s not been difficult per se, as I am just literally saying the things out loud that I used to only say in my head and then stuff down/ignore until I couldn’t. It’s just completely new. But it does feel good to know you’re honoring and respecting yourself, even if no one else will.
I completely understand where you’re coming from and went through the same exact experience of self re-discovery about 5 years ago. It is super hard, but completely worth it. You’re soon going to build an amazing support system around yourself and actually have a partner that is deserving of you and respects your boundaries without condition.
Thank you for your kind words and your encouragement. I am so happy for you that you’ve gone through that journey for yourself and wish you all the best in your life.
Looking at the bright side. It's nice to have those little reminders that we made the right decision
Yes it is. Every nearly-empty container I’ve opened, every piece of trash throughout the house I’ve picked up, every surface I’ve de-gunked or de-greased or de-stickified, every shaved hair that was just left in/around the sink or the toilet (yes, I had to clean up his shaven pubes) that I’ve cleaned up since I threw him out again has just reaffirmed that decision.
Your Ex did it on purpose! This is why they should stay an Ex
Were they your ex before, or because of the peanut butter?
Before, we split last year.
Was it also because of peanut butter
Had to be
That’s a lot of peanut butter in 2 days
Right?! And he never gains an ounce. That’s infuriating too lol.
Yeah, but not mildly. 😂
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7d
This shows why they're the ex....
Yes, one of many reasons.
Serious question, why would you let an ex stay with you?
As I said elsewhere, because he came to me crying that he had nowhere else to go, he had t showered in a week, he was overheated from walking for miles in the 95°+ heat, etc. I felt bad for him and wanted to help.
You’re a good person OP. Don’t let people take advantage of that.
Thanks. I was stupid, I know, but it just never feels right to me to turn someone away when they say they’re in need—even if I know they’re lying.
This is a wonderful metaphor on why ex’s should stay ex’s. You broke up for a reason. Be confident in who you are and move on. Backsliding never works out.
Yes, I know and thank you for confirming. Lesson learned.
We’ve all been there. It’s a tough lesson to learn but one of those “lol no shit,” moments when it happens. Glad you’re moving on! F that peanutbutter guzzling loser
lol thank you for the laughs! I’ll take what I can get atm.
I'm single and don't eat peanut butter, just saying.
lol go on…
That's all I got honestly.
Aw, come on, I’m sure there’s more than that. Do you have a job or do you just fuck around on Facebook all day? Do you throw your trash in the trash can or just leave it all over the house? Do you put your dirty clothes in the hamper/laundry room or do you just leave them wherever you take them off? Do you take accountability for your actions or do you just blame everyone else for the awful things you do? Do you talk to/try to have sex with other women to make yourself feel good when you’re in a relationship or do you stay true to your partner? Do you make up lies and talk shit about your partner behind their back to make yourself look good/get sympathy from your friends or do you actually respect your partner?
I do have a full time employment, although I spend time on reddit trying to be funny to get approval from strangers. I also own two trash cans that I take out on monthly bases or when the flies get too bad and they keep tickling me. All my dirty clothes are usually spread across multiple designated areas until Sunday the laundry day. I do take accountability and usually blame myself for everything which results in great deal of self hate and self loathing. I don't really use social media or dating apps so I'm not in contact with strange women that would potentially peaked my interest sexually. And as long as my perverted needs are met I'm loyal as a hungry stray puppy. I don't think I have ever lied in my entire life, mostly. I can also cook very well, since I was a professional cook for more than a decade.
dammit guys KISS ALREADY
So what I’m hearing is you support yourself financially, you have a good sense of humor, you take the trash out on a regular basis, you do your own laundry weekly, you are willing to take the blame for others to spare their feelings, you’re not a cheater, you like to get nasty/dirty when the situation calls for it, you’re honest, and you don’t expect anyone else to feed you? The bar may be extremely low my friend, but you have leapt over it triumphantly!
You're a nice person. Thank you!
You take your trash out.....monthly??? 🤢
Like I said, if there is too many flies that will tickle me while I sleep, I take it out sooner.
Look man I know my house isn’t spotless but even I know to take out trash before the flies start
It's a self depreciating humor. I take out trash nearly every day, depending what I throw out. But that's not funny.
Jesus lady
I love her.
6000 calories
I use a spatula to get the little bits left! Or make oatmeal IN the PB jar and eat the remaining stuff
He ate all the oatmeal too :’(
Straight to jail!!!
My dog would like to see that jar
Apple?????? Why is nobody talking about the Apple and PB? Am I insane? I never tried that. Is it good? How do you eat it like that?
What kind of slobben moster gets peanut butter on the lid?
The kind that is an ex lol.
And did your home look like a 3 day music festival once they left?
It did. Trash everywhere, grease and sticky stuff all over the counters, shaved hairs all over the sink and toilet, cups and plates and bowls and utensils all over the house and outside (!), towels strewn about, dirt/mud tracked all over the floors, etc.
Yeah, I can see why they are an ex. Also, a good reason why to never have house guests.
I mean, I don’t mind house guests, and I don’t even mind cleaning up after they’ve left—but you know, standard cleaning stuff, not throwing trash away that they were too lazy to put in the trash can themselves or towels they just left laying wherever.
I’ll be 32 later this year and I’m not atrocious looking or anything, but I have lived with ONE man and that was for 3 months and I had to kick him out. That was 5 years ago, and this shit right here is exactly why. No way in hell haha
I’m currently pregnant and I am in love with peanut butter I would be so mad if someone did this 😂
Look at you learning lessons.
You’re never too old!
I too suffer from a peanut butter addiction. Would have gone and bought a replacement and a back up tho, leaving it like that is fucked up.
Yeah, that is what any normal person would do. I wouldn’t have cared if he ate all of it if he replaced it—hell, I wouldn’t have cared if he ate half of it and didn’t replace it.
Repeat after me: this is why we don’t let our exes stay over. This is why they are an ex.
Is my european mind simply not able to comprehend eating apples with peanut butter? Ya'll act like there is nothing wrong with that😂😭
It’s great with Granny Smith apples.
That's a lot of peanut butter in two days lol
I see why they’re your ex
Your ex is a big boy, eating a jar of peanut butter in two days Jesus
Fuckin way she goes...
Let this be a lesson…
Exes are exes for a reason.
I think you found your reason.
First question: do you have a dog?
They are an ex for a reason….
Were they already an ex before you let them stay with you or did you break up over this? 😂😏
Lucky he’s reminding you what a pig he is so you’re not tempted
just to clarify OP, was their actions against peanut butter preservation what made them an ex or were they in that category prior to staying with you?
Who the hell consumes a whole jar in 2 days?
Is he an elephant?
He needs his 🤬 whooped for that!
A little extreme but I like the energy. Maybe replace it with a spring loaded extra fine glitter trap and mail it to him. With a note that says
you're a dick for eating all the peanut butter and leaving an empty jar. Every time you see a glittering spec remember never do this again.
Why is no one here baffled that someone finished an entire jar of peanut butter in 2 days?!?! Is that not like a fucking food challenge of an amount of peanut butter??? Bros gonna shit a solid brick
Does he leave a shred of toilet paper on the core and say “technically “ it’s not used up because there is still paper on the roll?
Get a Jife! No, seriously it’s a specialized knife made for scraping the last of the peanut butter out of the jar.
At least they didn’t leave you with a child
So what did we learn ?
Severe munchies after miss you sex.
Nope, no sex. That was one of the conditions I set when I allowed him to stay. Of course, he ignored it—and every other one—but I didn’t give in.
Was there a dog? Might explain where the peanut butter ended up...
Oh god that’s gross. Thanks for putting something in my head that I would’ve never considered otherwise in a million years. MY PUPPY IS INNOCENT!!!
I let my ex move in with me and my wife and he’s been here for over a year, so I can’t even say shit about that.
I mean, you let an ex stay with you for two days.
Some people catch feelings again, others end up with no peanut butter, you gotta know there are consequences to our actions