AITA for selling my home that I was allowing my daughter to stay in for free even though she did some upgrades to it

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

AITA for selling my home that I was allowing my daughter to use for free even if they did upgrades to it. I may be a jerk for selling the home even though I have given them plenty of time to move out and now I can get more for the home since they did upgrades

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

INFO

Did you have a conversation with your daughter before telling them they had 6 months to move out?

Even if she was just a tenant and not your daughter, the polite thing to do is have the conversation before issuing the eviction notice.

There's obviously a disconnect between the two of you in terms of upgrades to the house but regardless, you're going to benefit from the work they've put in. There should be some form of compensation to them.

OP. I get your point. You didn't ask or want those changes and saved them over 50k of rent. I really do understand your point of view. It's not what I would do but I get it.

But... Looking at your comments... Why even bother asking if you're the AH since you can't even consider different points of view?

The house is 5 hours away. How is seeing it bad for your mental health? Why didn't you just ask your daughter to start paying rent to cover whatever its costing you financially? If they're the ones doing the upgrades, and you didn't have to worry about late rent since you didn't charge them any, how is being a landlord bad for your mental health? Seems you like the upgrades, and just want to sell to make a quick buck. Be prepared to never see your daughter or future grandkids ever again. Hope its worth it. YTA.

INFO: how much $$$$ worth of upgrades did they put into the house and how does that compare to the money they saved on rent over the years?

IMO it's unfortunate y'all haven't come to a fair compromise or legal arrangement in advance of this situation happening, because this should be a mutually beneficial situation to you both instead of turning into a fight.

Family first. All of you need to get together and talk about how you can come to a fair resolution. Not having your daughter in your life will be worse on your mental health than not having your mother’s house, or the money.

YTA. 1000%

Why wouldn't you offer to sell the house to your daughter? How are the house improvements suddenly new information to you? Why is this imaginary problem of seeing a home you haven't visited in a year and "being a landlord" more important than your daughter's wellbeing? Why are you blaming your daughter for taking you up on your offer for free rent in a house you inherited for free?

NAH, with your daughter leaning into slight AH territory.

I think it's fair for your daughter to be upset, especially when they're putting work into the house where you'll likely see the return of that effort and they'll have just lost money on investing into the house. This is a risk you take when you do any work on a home you don't own but it would definitely be disheartening when it's a relative selling the place you've put effort into.

But you do have the right to sell, especially if the home is becoming a financial burden to you. You did warn them not to do anything major and it sounds like they didn't run any of these new changes past you.

Do you have the option to sell to them?

NTA.  1. Two years of living rent free should have allowed them to save a good deal of $$.

1. Ant tenant (related, paying or not), should be aware of tack down laws, which basically say that if the tenant changes anything attached to the home (think carpeting, drapes, flooring, cabinets), then they are either leaving it for free to the home owners when they give up tenancy, or they return the home to the same state it was in when they first moved in. 

2. They could have asked for a rent to own option, but to assume they could continue living there for free while also making unauthorized changes to the home was ballsy and entitled. 

Dad of the year material here , YTA

Slight ESH but mostly I think everyone needs to communicate better and have better financial literacy. 

If the house is a financial burden, talk to your daughter about changing your arrangement. Would it still be a burden if they paid rent? Could you work out a lease to own arrangement so they are set up to own the home over time, but you don’t have the same kind of financial burden?

It’s not smart to do renovations on a house you don’t own, and it’s also not smart to make financial decisions because you’re sad your mom has passed. The house is an asset, not a momento - you need to make decisions about it the same way you would about money. It’s also unwise to improve an asset that doesn’t belong to you without prior agreement on who pays and who benefits. 

You need to have a discussion about the terms of this arrangement and figure out what will work for both of you. Invest in formal, legal arrangements so everyone understands what they can do and what they own. 

YTA, boomers really do hate their kids

YTA I don’t buy for a minute you had no idea that the renovations were being made. So you didn’t talk to your daughter at all for the last two years? Your first and only conversation in two years was telling her to move out? Not making sense. And of course she would have mentioned something as major as a kitchen or bathroom renovation when you spoke. I’m betting your daughter would have a very different story about how aware you were. In any event a kitchen renovation is expensive, add in the bathroom and stairs and that’s a significant amount of money spent on the house that you will reap the benefit from when it’s sold. Legally you don’t need to reimburse them but ethically the right thing to do is to give them either what they spent, or the excess value realized when the house is sold. You need to decide whether it’s worth torching your relationship with your daughter over this.

why can’t they just pay the mortgage on the house since u inherited it for free ?

People keep forgetting that this is "am I the asshole", not "was I technically /legally correct"

She's your daughter. As a parent YTA.

INFO-

I also want to sell it since I am tired of seeing the home, it just reminds me of my mom and that she is gone.

she apparently put in a lot of upgrades such as redoing the stairs, kitchen and are in the middle of the bathroom.

1. How can you both be tired of seeing the home and not have known your daughter was doing these upgrades?

2. Were these upgrades necessary? Thinking in terms of unsafe stairs, new appliances in the kitchen, ect.

3. Did you contribute at all to the upkeep of the house?

NTA they've lived there for 2 years rent free and it was their decision to upgrade. But your daughter and her spouse probably thought this was a long term thing so I'm sure they are upset. Can you reimburse them for what they paid or even give them half? No, you don't owe it to them but I'm sure it would help smooth things over. 

Why can't you sell it to your daughter?

YTA

What was the house doing before they moved in? Deteriorating. Houses that are not occupied inevitably deteriorate unless the owner goes to great expense to keep it maintained. So, purely from a financial standpoint, while they may not have been paying rent, they have saved you immense sums of money in maintenance.

Then you have to figure out how much they have increased the value of the house from the upgrades. That's likely going to be in the area of tens of thousands of dollars.

Financially, I would call it a wash. They didn't have to pay you rent, but they increased the value of the house and saved you maintenance expenses.

But what about considerations other than financial? They've been living there for years, making it their home. To you it's a reminder of what you lost, but to them it's home and, this is speculating here, perhaps a reminder of someone that your daughter loved. A house is generally more than just a house to the people who live there. When you made the unilateral decision to sell the house (which is technically your right to do), you told your daughter that you care more about how sad the house makes you feel than you do about her feelings, which is your right, but that's got to suck for her.

Why not discuss selling the house to them, or come to an understanding with them about selling the house but giving them enough of the proceeds to have a down payment for their own house? That way you can be rid of the house and your daughter knows that you care.

YTA is permanently damaging/possibly losing the relationship with your daughter worth the money you made or going to improve your mental health?

Get the receipts for the improvements, pay them that out of the proceeds.

You say you didn't give them permission to do it - but it seems strange you didn't have a single conversation about redoing the kitchen; how is that possible?

They've done the kitchen, stairs and currently the bathroom in the last 12 months, and you weren't aware of it at all...

Either way, you're going to profit from their expenditure - why wouldn't you just refund them the money they've spent?

Given your comments I’m going with YTA. It seems like this was a very nice gift. But now you are holding the fact that they accepted it over their heads.

NTA because your daughter knew that the house was not permanently hers, she knew you had said no major changes, she knew you had agreed to let them live there until they got back on their feet. Making expensive renovations to a rented house without saying a word to the actual homeowner is just silly and risky regardless of who your landlord is.

Something is really not adding up here. No one remodels a home they don’t expect is coming to them. It’s pretty suspicious that you have “no idea about any of this work when it was major projects.”Something is off here. plays communication breakdown in the background

YTA to not have a conversation before this with your daughter to work out the details. I think morally you have 3 choices. Sell it to your daughter for the appraised value before their upgrades; give your daughter the part of the proceeds resulting from the increased value they invested into the home; or reimburse your daughter for the amount she paid for the repairs and upgrades from the sale of the home.

If you do none of these & keep all the money yourself YWBTA.

YTA. I suppose we will see another post from you in 6 months crying “wahh my daughter went NC and won’t talk to me I don’t know what to do”

Get ready for the consequences of your actions boomer

NTA. I would make ask her for itemized receipts for her renovations and make a spreadsheet to compare what you could have charged her vs. what they put into the property. If they put in more, then consider giving her a kickback after you sell the property.

Also, this is why you don’t do renovations on a property you don’t own. I’d like to know what her mindset was, like was she expecting you to let her live there indefinitely?

You kind of sound like TA. And I bet there's more info to this story. Like, did you offer to let them buy it ?

Why don't you just offer to sell them the house??

You inherited a house, why not pass on that inheritance while you can still see it improve your daughters life instead of torpedoing your relationship?

Offer it at or below market value before the renovations, and greatly improve your daughters life while still making profit.

I'm reading what you wrote, and you seem to be trying to come up with reasons to support your decision. e.g. Your mental health because your mother (her grandmother) lived there? The financial burden of owning a paid off home? Seems like a stretch. You don't need any reason to sell, it's yours. You're going to do what you want, and that's fine.

Whether you're TA comes down to how much you care about your daughter and her family. You can start charging them rent, that seems like the obvious first move. You'll make a profit and not put your family out on their asses.

But if you're turning to reddit to help you decide how to approach a long-term, major family matter with a couple paragraphs, you might just be looking to find a couple comments to justify what you already want to do.

Do what you're gonna do, it's your property (and family) but don't feel vindicated when some faceless redditor tells you what you want to hear.

It's your home, you inherited it for free fair and square...🙄 so I guess you have the right to do whatever you like with it. But I do think it's odd how someone who inherits a home from their mother would never consider giving that home to their child, who clearly is in need of a place to live. Instead you want to profit off of it for yourself and get it out of your life because it's somehow makes you sad to look at...🫤🤷‍♀️ hopefully there's some other generational wealth that will flow down to your children since you want to sell this asset and make sure they're never going to experience any benefit from it.

Wow you really don’t like your daughter and you will probably never have a relationship with any grandchildren hopefully you will not need any one to look after you later in life. I would never do this to my child as a parent I would want to help them get established as possible. I don’t know if you are TA but in my book you would be but. That might be because my children are thriving happy because we have always had this way of thinking. My children grouped together for Xmas and bought us an amazing trip to Rome to thank us for being bank of mom and dad while getting them through university. I suppose you reap what you sow so sad.

Info: did you talk to your daughter before selling the house? Why not offer it to them as a first step to start the conversation?

INFO:

As in....there's a lot missing.

1) a house that OP never sees is causing her grief? 2) tenants doing substantial upgrades without a plan for reimbursement, 3) no offer to sell to daughter? 4) being a landlord us not for me?

Something smells fishy in the state of Denmark...

NTA It sounds like your daughter thought she was getting a free house for life. Why else would they put in major upgrades without discussing it with you?

After 2 years, they should have figured out their finances since they were living rent-free. It actually sounds like they did since they could afford to remodel.

You are no longer in a position to subsidize their lifestyle. Offer to sell them the house at market price (less sales commission since no realtor) or stick to your guns and have them move. You are generous to give them 6 months. Be prepared for longer if they force you to evict them.

NTA. They’ve lived there for free for multiple years. Whatever money they’ve put into the home is likely significantly less than they would’ve spent on rent during that time.

You aren’t screwing them over. THEY are screwing you over by taking advantage of your generosity. They are ungrateful. I’d revise my plan and give them 30 days from June 1st to be out. They unfortunately bit the hand that feeds them…

Some very clear “fuck you I got mine” boomer energy

You inherited this house for free but have no intention of even selling it to your daughter. Who cares if they can’t find somewhere to live? At least you won’t have to think about a house that’s 5 hours away any more poor you

YTA. There are a lot of non-traditional details in this “landlord/tenant” situation. You sound incredibly resentful of your child and while living somewhere rent-free is certainly a gift, it doesn’t negate you from a responsibility to your child in return. You seem fine with being TA so this conversation should really be turned over to a legal sub or an actual lawyer because if your child really did make massive upgrades increasing the value of the property, they should be compensated from the proceeds of the sale less the amount of rent they saved.

YTA you inherited the house from your mum/her grandma. It's selfish to sell it when your daughter has a need for it. What would your mum think?