I think I know the feeling you’re talking about. It took me a long time to realise that they think in a completely different way. I have empathy whereas there was no evidence that they did because of the way I was treated. Whenever I let them in, I always got burned. If they contact now, I keep it polite, brief, and remote. They have no right to be a part of the new life I’ve created for myself. It also gives them nothing to twist and dig. Go ahead… spread your wings proudly and fly away to a better place. Turn your fear to excitement. You deserve it.
I’d prefer to be without too much cortisol and have plenty of gaba to keep me chilled
Good on you. A new start away from the family who’ve kept you in the same place. Put it this way, leaving is certainly not going to make things any worse. You are absolutely doing the right thing. You’re putting yourself in control. If there is an uproar, leave it to them. You’re looking in a different direction now. And another beauty… if they turn up at the door…..you don’t have to answer it. Freedom
When I was shadowing a mental health professional once, an elderly man was struggling with his wife who was very anxious about something and couldn’t sleep. The wife talked about how she used to sleep better when she had a drink of sherry. The husband explained that the alcohol had been a real problem, she’d become dependent on it , was drinking way too much, hiding bottles etc, but with a lot of work, she hasn’t drunk anything for two years. I nearly fell off my chair to hear the MH pro advise that if a bit of sherry had worked in the past, a little bit shouldn’t hurt if it meant getting to sleep. Appalling!
I’m so sorry that you’re feeling like this. It sounds like you’re having a really, really shitty time at the moment and something’s happened to make your hope fade for now. You deserve to feel so much better than this. Therapy can be such a slow process but if you’re with the right person it’s worth sticking with. Maybe for the time being, just try and focus on doing things in the here and now without looking too much into the future or back to the past. That tends to give me some relief, especially when I find I’m comparing myself to others.
I resonate with this. To my family, especially my ‘golden child’ sister, no matter what I do, I’ll always be the scapegoat. That’s fine, so be it. So I moved well away from them and have minimal contact. As a consequence, I built a different life. Although I will always carry some crippling self-doubt, anger, and shame, I know the life I live is infinitely better than the whole dysfunction I left behind…. and every single one of them know it. Especially my sister!
I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you’re getting somewhere near the most appropriate treatment for your symptoms
I think we all wear different lenses but it isn’t for others to judge why this is. Different personalities too. I can have some really dystopian political discussions with some people, and realise I’d better not with others. Myers-Briggs personality testing has really opened my eyes to the range of possibilities out there. Frank James has done some hilarious takes on the 16 different personalities identified on YouTube… if it’s your kind of thing that is.
Having a trauma history by no means makes you or anyone else unlovable whether we struggle to love ourselves or not. I’ve been happily married for nearly 20 years to a man who unconditionally loves and accepts the parts of me that I probably never will. Being in a relationship however, with someone who’s telling you he’s not in love with you could well be perpetuating this spiral of feeling rejected/unlovable. You deserve someone who can give you the full show. This guy may not be the best fit at the moment, but there’s someone out there who is. Been there, hurt like hell, but I’m so, so glad I released myself.
Yes, always had sleep issues. Light sleeper, haven’t slept in the same room as my husband for years as he’s a snorer. Magnesium drink at night has helped.
Yes, there seems to be a world-wide bias towards men health wise. Research included
I found a rare childhood picture of myself looking mischievous and confident. It kinda helped
I get you. It’s not nice when you post something in good faith, then someone gets the wrong idea and leads the charge of objection. I’m sorry that you had this experience
I’m sorry to hear that. Sounds like you need some relief. Perhaps go directly to a menopause specialist if you can. You probably know about the woeful lack of knowledge within the medical fields around female-related hormonal issues.
Maybe HRT? Specialists who know their stuff are confident to prescribe it for perimenopause and post menopausal if hormonal issues are felt to be adversely impacting someone’s mood.
I resonate with you completely
Completely agree about the gender bias factor
I think PMDD is more around how the brain responds to normal hormonal fluctuations rather than abnormal levels. I believe it’s diagnosable by recording at least a couple of month’s cycles of symptoms on a daily diary. I was diagnosed with PMDD a while ago, but not really looked into the relationship with trauma until recently.
Eek! Abilify is largely used as an antipsychotic. An unfortunate side effect can be severe agitation so look out for that if you do start it. PMDD is definitely in the DSM5 but it doesn’t seem to have much acknowledgment by a lot of medics or psychiatrists (I’m a psych professional). There have been so many mis-diagnoses in this area. I’m not good at links but perhaps Google Professor Jayashri Kulkarni and PMDD. She’s an Australian psychiatrist with a special interest in female hormones and trauma/mental illness/psychosis and has had to clean up after many misdiagnoses
Did you have your ovaries removed? Did your symptoms go?
PMDD is in the psychiatric manual DSM5 so it’s diagnosable. Usually by presenting a diary of symptoms over two cycles.
Is there anything you’d be comfortable doing to regulate your period like a contraceptive pill? I know it doesn’t suit everyone but just a thought
Apparently there’s a facility for finding recommended supports in your area on the IAPMD website. Sorry, not able to send link. It’s an international site
I’m not familiar with this organisation, but receiving a ‘service’ from any system which is under pressure, with staff who are over-worked and under-resourced can be completely counterproductive for someone struggling with CPTSD for the very reason you describe. I’m sorry you had this experience. Often, within this chaos and pressure, there are some real gems who, once you’re linked in, can provide some worthwhile support. I totally get how you’re feeling at the moment. I hope you can tolerate trying again.
MaineHealth is trash.
CPTSD