LOVE HER!!!!

I'm about to post something that's going to break your heart. It broke mine.

Yes.... No..... Sometimes.

Agoraphobia. I keep hearing how self isolation is a bad thing, how we "need" people. I can see how one might think that. However, 9x out of 10, when I am forced to leave my home, I experience undeniable justification why my fear of people, as a whole, is verifiably better for both my physical and mental health.

Do you consider raiding the 75% candy section the day after "celebrating"?

He wasn't speaking to the council, he was speaking to the world. Mission accomplished.

I'm getting there... My therapist keeps telling me I need to "fine my tribe", like-minded people. Collapse Support is the first thing that comes to mind, but also - I don't people. I haven't peopled on purpose since pre pandemic. I'm a different person. I'm not sure I want to be around to see the next 5-10 years.

Yeah, I had trauma therapy this morning and we talked about my healthcare experiences. Looking back, I've been in an abusive relationship with the healthcare system. All the times I've been ignored, gaslit, blamed for their mistakes - and then I paid them for it. A decent percentage of my cPTSD is from the ignorance and arrogance of the medical field. Why would I go back to my abuser?

I speak in fewer words because my brain is always seeking the most efficient and simplistic way to communicate. Also, thank you for the knowledge share. I was completely unaware of any of this, I appreciate the education as well as the format of the data. You present data the way my brain receives it.

This is the best thing I've read today.

I felt this... Genuinely. Sadly.

I get you. I'm fairly certain I have skin cancer. After being made a statistic by the healthcare field I've come to the understanding that I'd rather die from an easily cured problem than to ever allow myself to be assessed by another healthcare "professional" ever again.

I would give anything for just 30 uninterrupted seconds to speak at my father's funeral.

Yes. If I'd been born male and played football, my father might have found something other than contempt for my existence.

Shots fired. Direct hit. I should have stayed in bed.

I'm past that point. In the last 4-5 years I have seen nothing but justification for my self-imposed isolation. Agoraphobia gets a diagnosis code and the Surgeon Generals new buzzword is "loneliness". In the first few paragraphs of the study done on the national "loneliness epidemic" 80% of these "lonely" people don't see it as a problem. Maybe don't stigmatize people with a label like "lonely"

GenX grew up in a magical land where words like "lonely", "therapy", "autism", "I need help", etc - all meant one thing: "You're weak. You're just being lazy. Brush it off and get back in the game, pussy."

As you can imagine, shoving a label like "lonely" down our throats when we don't feel lonely, and then writing an 80 page national report analyzing a false thesis, well, that might cause some resentment among those being analyzed.

"Normal" has become a norm of desensitization to things our brains are not supposed to be capable of normalizing. Because my brain is no longer capable of existing within a society bearing little accountability and a collection of highly questionable moral compasses (ie the bible and the constitution) - I'm the one who's "not normal". I'm the one who needs a diagnosis - you know, because I'm "lonely".

If this is the best "normal" humankind has to offer... I'm sorry, but I raised me better than that. I prefer being abnormal when living in Crazy Town.

I was in pursuit of an official diagnosis, then I realized I live in America and depending on how the next election goes, having an official diagnosis might end me up on a list. Since my brain compartmentalizes everything into data and the analysis of historical data regarding these types of lists indicates potential danger, I've abandoned my pursuit.

If he wins - I'm out. If society decides that's the direction we're headed, as a whole, that's not a society I can be a part of.

My brain has plagiarized Sanders Sides - Thomas Sanders literally lives in my brain as four district parts of me. The basic foundation of each remains, but In my brain - Logan is my autism, Patton is my ADHD, Virgil is my cPTSD, and Roman represents my masking.

In case you're wondering - yes, there are more. Stewart Smalley plays the part of my ego. For the longest time, I hated positive internal talk because he was all I could visualize/hear in my head. Recently, I embraced that part of my inner monologue for therapeutic reasons. It's not only good for internal positivity, it's fricken hilarious.

So you're telling me there are people who exist with only 2? By chance, is this the same percentage of the population who don't have internal monologues?

I feel like the hulk of bitter. That's my secret - I'm always bitter.

YES!!! I have rules - if my little piggy bank price is more than $5, I play until I hit an unpassable level and then uninstall. If it's under $5, I will just keep playing forever. My brain gets ultra focused on match 3 games. I got bored with PokemonGo - thank goodness - I'm pretty sure I spent $1000 on that game over multiple years. This actually makes me feel better about my purchases. Now... If I could just uninstall Amazon Prime, I'd probably be rich!

It makes so much sense. Yet another thing I genuinely didn't realize was an ADHD thing.

So.... We all do this? It.... It's not just a weird quirky me thing? Well holy shit. I've been cleansed of my guilt!

Why did this make me cry?!?! Thank you.