I absolutely understand. I lost three family members within 14 months, then my spouses cat that he rescued from a dumpster and babied it until it was healthy. Ugh.

This is hard sht.

All I have left is my mom and we don’t get along so well. A have a couple of my spouses siblings, but none are close and have their own issues. It’s a weird feeling to be so alone.

My spouses cats come running to the door when I get home, so I worked very hard to give them attention and appreciate them. It wasn’t easy for a long time because I wasn’t happy.

You definitely belong here. Most people you meet don’t experience being a widow, much less losing a second family member.

It does get better. If you want to do therapy, I highly recommend online therapy. I’ve done it for about a year now, and I could request a therapist who specializes in grief and had their own loss, so I knew they would understand.

I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone at all. But please find the strength to keep going and reach out for whatever help you need, even if you cannot articulate your needs, still ask.

Many people will never understand, but we do. It does get better, so please keep trudging through the quagmire of grief. It is worth it in the end.

Mine has changed into a comforting kind of love, where thinking about him/us brings a smile or chuckle & it feels very nice. I enjoy sitting on the porch in the evening with a glass of something (whiskey, martini, old fashioned, etc) and just thinking. Makes me feel like a senior citizen, but that’s okay.

I’ve realized I could date or even get married again, because nothing will change the love I have for my spouse, but there is also room in my heart to care for someone else.

I’m not at all interested though, and I turn down all offers. I cannot see it changing. I’m very content with how I’m trying to go forward.

I’m really sorry. Family can be thoughtless and self-centered at times.

I bought myself plants and will be planting for a few days now. I’m not a mom, but at work I had so many people wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day, and it was hard to be reminded of what I don’t have. So I’m making myself happy with flats of flowers.💐

Kinda sucks that we have to do things like this for ourselves now. Hugs.

For the online therapy, I have an app on my phone and open it right before a scheduled meeting. There’s a tab to click on, and the video is right there.

There’s an area for you and the therapist to send each other instant notes, like a chat, and that’s how the therapist will send links to homework, websites, book recommendations or other info.

Some online therapy sites also offer free group classes, so there is a lot of information out there.

I like the online therapy much more than in-person. I usually do the sessions at home, but I’ve already done them sitting in the car in the parking lot or my office, and while I was on vacation.

Thanks for asking the question. I didn’t know anything about it and was surprised with how easy it was.

Very inspirational! I love the idea of journaling your activities and time spent.

Just as ThisIsKassia mentioned, look at online therapy.

Once I moved to online therapy, I had many grief therapists to choose from. I selected one from another state who went through her own losses and experienced grief and subsequent healing firsthand.

One of the best things about the online therapy I use, is if I’m having a really bad week, a second therapy session in a week is only $25.

I’ve tried to be aggressive in my grief journey, along with keeping my jobs, and losing other family members, so I have needed the second session a few times. It’s great that it is an affordable option when we are struggling so much.

I’m actually doing pretty well now - for the most part - and it’s nice to be in the position to cherish your memories and have them bring you smiles instead of tears. Best of luck to you on this journey.

That is absolutely awful!

My first therapist tried suggesting that my husband’s accident was really him doing it on purpose so he could leave this world! She hadn’t believed anything I told her about our relationship.

So I changed therapists and requested one with grief therapy experience. What a world of difference!

If I have to be stuck here without my spouse, I didn’t like being so miserable and grief-stricken. Life is better now, but certainly not as good as before.

Whatever you decide to do, change therapists or quit, they are both tough. Nothing is easy anymore. I get it. No one should judge you. Big hugs. This is hard sh*t.

Congratulations! Therapy can be tough. It’s great you stuck with it.

Thank you for the post. I’m a huge proponent of therapy, because good therapy really works and we have all been through enough painful trauma that we shouldn’t have to suffer one day longer than necessary!

I hope you inspire someone else 😀

I didn’t know that was available. I get massages and it helps both in releasing my stress and giving me that human touch.

No judgement at all! We all have to put our needs at the forefront now.

If you go, let us know how effective it was. I can see this helping people. I hope it works wonders!

I’m up to an average of 4.5 hours a night! Geez, that’s still awful.

I often wonder if our grief and daily life isn’t harder because we are walking around deeply exhausted. I’ve kinda gotten used to it, but I don’t like it one bit.

I’m in Wisconsin!

I have this exact piece! It is still in the original door in my 1912 Victorian.

With yours, someone didn’t want the decorative outside door but kept the beautiful glass pane. Usually it’s the glass that is missing or replaced with a plain pane due to breakage. It’s wonderful that someone saved this.

I’ve had a very similar experience. My spouse died while driving and omg, the people who wanted to blame and point fingers and push their “safety” messages were ridiculous. My first grief counselor was convinced that he crashed on purpose and she wanted me to accept that. I rather enjoyed sending her the death certificate because she was so so wrong.

I also did Celebrations of Life instead of formal funerals and tried to make them more like a party. People were met at the door with their choice of mixed drink or craft beer, we had a crazy overabundance of food, bright flowers on the tables, his awards and tons of happy photos all over, etc.

People sat around and told stories and laughed. Whenever I stopped and listened, all I could hear was laughter, and that’s what I remember. It still brings a smile to my face.

A lot of people have negative opinions of the way I did the Celebrations, but I keep quiet while they complain to me, then ask them if they liked the food, the drinks, did they hear any new stories, meet his students, etc? And every single one has admitted that part was nice.

You do what YOU want. Regardless of your decision, you are the one who will remember this day forever.

And yes, too many of our friends and family suck. I’m sorry you are having to experience this.

That’s a great description of this: going from a life of color to one of black & white.

Ugh, this is so hard! I don’t mind being by myself, but there’s a big, bright, enjoyable part of life that is just missing.

Doing activities by yourself is a strange feeling, because you don’t have anyone to talk about it with. If a bear crosses the path in front of my bike, but I have no one to tell or see it with me, did it really happen? It just saps a facet of enjoyment out of things.

Congratulations!

Moving forward and putting yourself first is so hard for us, but you did it! Finishing this degree must have been so difficult - I cannot begin to imagine - and you kept at it until you succeeded.

When I hear that someone like me has accomplished so much, it is an inspiration for me and really makes my hard days better.

I hope deep down you are proud of yourself for getting through this. I’m alone in this life now, too, and understand.

You did a great job!

None of this sounds odd to me at all. We discovered that my husband had a rare and undetected arterial blockage that should have shown up on standard exams, but it didn’t. I set up a fund to pay for his relatives to have a special test, and so far they all have the same issue and a few were pretty serious.

Sometimes it pays to find out, but you don’t know until you check.

Are you talking about post- or antemortem records?

All postmortem records should be made available to you, without charge.

In my state - All medical records from before death are harder to get ahold of. Once the medical system has been notified of the death, you cannot get them without proper paperwork, because “how will the medical facilities know who should receive the records.”

You need to go through probate or, if there is no other next of kin, have a special appointment made by a judge and submit the paperwork to every medical entity that was involved in their care, including pharmacies. The special appointment is much, much cheaper than probate, but you need an attorney to do the paperwork.

I wish I had known, because there was a short window of time where I could log in to my spouses medical portals and could have downloaded info. Nobody tells us these things!

Good luck!

I had to get an attorney to make a formal request. They had told me it would take 9+ months, so I was trying to be patient. You know, once the attorney made that formal request, it showed up in less than a week, and all the signatures had been finalized months earlier.

I will never understand how the state works. I hope you get your information soon!! It’s horrible waiting.

Thank you so much! I’m going to tackle the bathroom right now! I’ve put off opening his cabinet, but I’m feeling like it’s time. 😀

I love your organization and plan of attack!

I’m in the exact same boat, but without a decent plan to get through everything. You are a wonderful inspiration!

What a great picture! Your son sounds amazing 😀

I’m sorry you are eligible for this group, but I’m glad you found us.

You did good today.

I’m sorry they make you feel like you are burdening them with your grief. We shouldn’t have to hide or deny our feelings.

Sometimes people throw the word “counseling” at you in a demeaning manner because they are uncomfortable and want to ignore the pain, and it isn’t an honest opinion of your needs.

For me, counseling has helped with the sadness. It was exhausting being sad every day. It doesn’t erase it, but helps you feel other emotions while easing the dull heaviness of sadness.

But you decide if and when you want it. Someone saying that out of their discomfort is their issue.

You are absolutely right that this is not fair and it wasn’t supposed to happen this way!

I’m so glad you saw a specialist and it is being taken seriously right now. You are going to be taken care of with a lot of doctors watching over everything now.

And we are all here for you! My best to you!!