My mom died too. I can’t tell one grief from another. I honestly can’t tell if I’m grieving my mom because I’m still grieving my husband. Every bit of progress I made feels like I’m back at zero. I thought I was past wanting to die myself but now I just want to go where my family went. My cats are 15 and 11 and I just know I’m going to lose them soon too. I went back to work, going numb and faking my life through 35 hours a week. I have only my cats I come home to. I keep the doors closed to half the house and live here as if it’s a one bedroom apartment. My mom’s room is still full of her stuff and I found her dead in my husband’s music room that still has a lot of his stuff. I have my long distance boyfriend and a couple family members and friends who are checking in on me but I’m so moody all the time it’s hard to get along with them. I’m pushing them away. All the grief counselors around here are Christian and I’m not going to sit for anyone else to pray over me. I’m pissed at god right now.
I absolutely understand. I lost three family members within 14 months, then my spouses cat that he rescued from a dumpster and babied it until it was healthy. Ugh.
This is hard sht.
All I have left is my mom and we don’t get along so well. A have a couple of my spouses siblings, but none are close and have their own issues. It’s a weird feeling to be so alone.
My spouses cats come running to the door when I get home, so I worked very hard to give them attention and appreciate them. It wasn’t easy for a long time because I wasn’t happy.
You definitely belong here. Most people you meet don’t experience being a widow, much less losing a second family member.
It does get better. If you want to do therapy, I highly recommend online therapy. I’ve done it for about a year now, and I could request a therapist who specializes in grief and had their own loss, so I knew they would understand.
I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone at all. But please find the strength to keep going and reach out for whatever help you need, even if you cannot articulate your needs, still ask.
Many people will never understand, but we do. It does get better, so please keep trudging through the quagmire of grief. It is worth it in the end.