My wife died about 2 years ago — from suicide. We were together 33 years.
Ever since she died, I have sleep problems. I can get to sleep OK, but I always wake up 3-4 hours later. Usually, I can’t get back to sleep. The exhaustion is wearing me down. Before she died, I always slept like a baby.
I rarely have dreams, but they are usually nightmares - but my wife is never in them.
Has anyone dealt with this kind of problem?
Yeah, not sleeping well for years at a time will make you nuts. It doesn’t help that I have no family or kids. I just have two (wonderful) dogs that keep me alive. I was a caregiver for over 20 years, and our friends slowly drifted away. So I am here in a ridiculously enormous house — alone with 2 dogs and the anxiety is overwhelming.
I never got up early in my life! Now, thats all I ever do — but can’t sleep unless I stay up late. It’s definitely taking a toll on my health too. This really sucks!
I had the same problem with sleep. Wake up at 3:00 am and my brain would start spinning. I started listening to some podcast designed for sleep that had a monotone voice and would drone on for a half hour or so. It kept my brain from spiraling to anxious thoughts. I graduated to The Moth podcast later where people tell stories of their lives. It really helped me relax and quit thinking. It's been five years now and I think I'm addicted to having voices lull me back to sleep. If you don't mind that side effect, give it a try. I just stick an earbud in now and listen to talk radio on very low volume.
I was my husband's caregiver for 12 years and my sleep is completely messed up. TraZODone helps but I stay up way too late and want to sleep in but I have to take the dog out. My ideal sleep schedule would be 2 to 10.
I am a couple months shy of two years, and I am in the same boat. I haven’t had a good nights sleep since he died. I have trouble falling asleep as well, I average 2-3 hours, and have no idea I am able to function.
Same here — she died 6-2022. I fall asleep within minutes, then wake up after a few hours and can’t fall asleep after that. My mind is on overdrive at that point.
No Dr I’ve talked to takes me seriously. They think I should be “better”by now. As everyone here knows, thats not true. Since I am “older” (70), they all tell me that this is common as you get older. When I tell them that this started the day my wife died — it falls on deaf ears.
The suicide part doesn’t help either.
6/22 as well, such a shit month. I’m so sorry, that trauma must be intense.
I’m pretty sure my therapist thinks that I’m exaggerating when I talk about how little sleep I get. It truly is something only other widow/ers understand.
Consider looking into EMDR therapy. It can really help.
Cannabis, melatonin, and endorphins, along with getting in my 10,000+ steps every day. Also, no caffeine after noon.
I still don't actually feel RESTED, but I'm able to get 7-ish hours most nights.
Great suggestions.
Another thing that worked for me was a sleep mask. Yeah it's old-school haha, but damn it works!
You cannot rebuild a new normal if you are exhausted all the time.
Please see your doctor about sleep assistance.
I also had nightmares. My psy doctor who specializes in PTSD put me on Prasosin. It is a heart med not a psy med. It reduces your blood pressure slightly so you stay in REM sleep (nightmares come when you go in/out of REM). It was discovered by doctors helping soldiers with PTSD at Walter Reed Medical Center. It’s good because it doesn’t work on your brain so it doesn’t interact with any psy meds you might be taking and/or good for people nervous of psy meds.
It eliminated my nightmares.
It’s also fairly inexpensive (yay).
Yes, I will take any med offered me. I guess I’m a high-anxiety person.
If you want the med I talked about (Prasosin) you will probably have to ask specifically for it - and tell them it’s off label use for nightmares.
I known when I started it, it wasn’t particularly well known outside military medical circles. And your doctor will probably need to read up on the studies.
It’s interesting in that my blood pressure is normal and heart rate on the lower end of normal.
I did in the beginning (have problems). I’m big on Guided Imagery and I listen to two of them pretty frequently. Her name is Bellaruth Naperstack and she has one for sleep and one for grief. It’s really helped. When I really can’t get my mind to shut off I will take one Advil PM. Not often though. 💔❤️🩹
I've always struggled with sleeping and was on meds for it (low dose). But after she died, I was only sleeping a few hours a night like you. I consulted my therapist, mental health doctor, and PCP. They were all in agreement that I needed more therapy. I'm glad I got that therapy. It really helped me out.
Might want to consult your doctor(s). They can and will help you.
I tried therapists for easily 30 years (on and off) for anxiety issues. I never found any of them to be worth even talking to. Just personal preference, I guess.
if you've had anxiety issues for 30 years, then there's a pretty glaring reason why you're having sleep issues, and why losing your wife would exacerbate this. Not meaning to sound callous, but this problem of yours seems to clearly predate your loss, and trying to connect this to your loss might cause you to miss addressing the root cause.
As far as therapy, while i agree it isn't a silver bullet to mental health issues, if you've been seeing them on and off your whole life to no perceived effect, it's worth asking the question if you've just not been engaging with the process in the right way. There are certainly bad and/or poorly matched therapists, but it's a collaborative process that takes lots of personal effort outside of the therapy to see effect, and if you aren't engaging it in good faith or you're expecting too much of the therapist, which is very common, you might be doing yourself a disservice in that regard. I hope i don't come off too judgmental, but almost everyone i've heard say that therapy never worked for them were people who expected the therapist to fix them, or people who went in with an unwillingness to engage.
As far as the insomnia, i struggled with it for years before my wife died, and the only way i was ever able to address it was to get a handle on my anxiety/depressive symptoms. much of it came in the form of a full environment change. altering your space, whether that means moving, job change, or even simply rearranging your own home, is a powerful way to kick start this.
Yes, but I never had ANY sleep issues before my wife died. None.
But as far as therapists go .. I’ve been seeing them on and off since the early 70’s. (My father died when I was 14). I had relatives who were therapists, even shared houses when I was in grad school with clinical psych grad students. They were more fucked up than I ever have been.
One may have been useful, but he was at Stanford and likely a top psychiatrist.
But again, before my wife died (remember we were together 33 years), I slept like a baby. Not any more, though.
Yes, but I never had ANY sleep issues before my wife died. Non
i misread your post, i thought you said you had them before, not after, my bad. i read "ever since" as "even before" in my head for some reason.
But as far as therapists go .. I’ve been seeing them on and off since the early 70’s. (My father died when I was 14). I had relatives who were therapists, even shared houses when I was in grad school with clinical psych grad students. They were more fucked up than I ever have been.
not saying this to push you towards therapy, but the practice is wildly different now than it was 50-20 years ago.
my advice is still the same though, changing environments can make a huge difference. its hard to be in the same place when the things that used to fill that space are no longer there.
I’m thinking of moving, but — as is common — the housing market is messed up right now. I could get a fortune for my house (California pays to be a seller), but then I’d want a smaller house with good space for my dogs.
Well, starter houses where I live are a minimum of $1.25M (at least ones that aren’t older than I am). More like $1.5M. I would get that and a lot more from selling my house, but smaller houses are hard to find for sale.
In a year or two I think the market will settle out. I definitely dont like living in close to 4000 sq ft alone with 2 dogs. Luckily, we didn’t move into this house until 2017 - less than 4 years before she died. So I’m reminded of things in houses we had earlier than this.
don't have to move. even just rearranging/redecorating the bedroom can help. or even sleeping in a different room. I wasn't in a place to sell, but moving the bed around helped for sure.
Oh yeah. I use a different bedroom since she died. Thebdogs like it better because its much bigger!
The loss of a spouse has profound effects on your health. As a new widower I was speaking to a former FBI agent who was healthy as they come didn’t smoke or drink and came down with some serious medical issues due to the grief we downplay how something can create such insane side effects but it’s true. I always hurt for the older widows/widowers cause society seems to think “ ah well they’re old shit happens when you old they’ll be fine “ and the reality is you have been with someone a little over my life on earth. She is as much a part of you as any other influence you’ve had in your life. If we went back and time and made you avoid meeting her the person you’d see today would be profoundly different. Point being is it’s totally normal for shit like this to come on when we hurt so bad. I believe suicide is a mental illness that has nothing to do with how you feel about others something in your mind just tells you it’s time to go and I think if she could give you any advice it would be to find something for you to keep going volunteer somewhere become a mentor. You’ve lasted 7 decades your input is needed in someone’s life and as soon an you become preoccupied with this new goal in life you’re bound to forget about the sleep issues and make your way back to normality. You still matter friend .
Sorry for your loss. Lost my wife two years ago as well. What’s sleep?
What an incredible loss, i am so sorry OP. You clearly love her so very much. I'm not a widow/er myself, but lurk to find ways to support my loved ones who are and just wanted to make a suggestion, so hopefully it'sok i comment, and suggest a medication. I understand sleep aids aren't for everyone.
Has a dr or psychiatrist ever suggested Prazosin before? I was prescribed 1mg and am able to take 1-3 nightly as needed, as one of the reasons it is prescribed is insomnia nightmares related to PTSD.
I used to force myself to stay awake for days because I was too scared of the nightmares that came with sleep and this medicine changed my life since the first night i took it. I only take 1mg nightly but sometimes take 2mg as needed. Sleep comes quickly and peacefully. No longer wake in the middle of every night, and if I do, I'm able to just drift back off to sleep. My psychiatrjst advised I will be able to take these long-term, so there's no stress about when the nightmares and sleepless nights will come back. Someone else here suggested cannabis and I concur. It's very helpful right before sleep.
I hope you are able to find something to help you sleep, and soon. My heart goes out to you, and everyone in this sub. Wishing you comfort, peace, and sweet dreams🤍✨️
Prazosin? I’ve never heard of it. I’ll try to look it up and/or inquire.
No Dr ever has been helpful. So thanks. I REALLY appreciate your coming here to give me this suggestion.
PTSD … yes. Probably. But that's a story for another time.
Cannabis gummies are a possibility too. I can’t stand smoke so gummies are the best.
Thanks.
I struggled to sleep for the first few months, and my doctor prescribed sleeping pills, which did work. I'm not sure if they will give them to you long term because they can be addictive but it might give you a chance to get some much needed rest if only for a couple of months
Thanks. The only sleeping pills I have ever taken that keep you asleep haven't been legal in over 50 years! Given that, I've tried everything else under the sun — a few help getting to sleep, but I never stay asleep. Once I wake, I can never get back to sleep.
It’s driving me nuts — the exhaustion is unreal.
That sucks. You've probably already tried all the other things I can think of. Some people swear by weighted blankets don't they but I just found it heavy and uncomfortable
I've found that Lunesta works pretty well. The downside is that it leaves an awful metallic taste in your mouth from the moment you take it, which lasts the entire next day. So I only take that when I'm having a really bad night; otherwise, I have a different pill I take.
I take Ambien among other things. Good to get you to sleep, bad to keep you asleep.
I have heard that about Ambien. I had one doctor prescribe it, but I never took it because I heard about people driving and cooking and so forth in their sleep, and I didn't want to risk that.
Nah. Those are stories people made up. Sure, a few people did stuff like that, but they also did strange things with Tylenol.
Thank you for sharing this - I am over 10 months in, and like you, I used to snooze through the night like an angel for 8 hours. Not anymore since I lost my beloved. I have melatonin but my doc is thinking of getting me off it. She said, "by springtime, when the sun comes back, you should be starting to be alright and won't need the sleep meds." I am legit scared she won't give me more. Dumb reasoning though - how was sunshine going to cure the fact that my most beloved person in the whole damn world suffered in silence for almost a year, before disappearing from my life, suddenly, drastically, violently, and I will never see him again.
Not that melatonin gave me back my 8 hours, but it at least helped me sleep a couple hours each night.
I'm so sorry to hear we're in the same boat.
You can get melatonin online. Its not a prescription drug. Try vitacost.com. I take their generic store branded stuff (among other things). It helps a little. I recommend vitacost.com, but hell, you can even get it from Amazon.
But dont worry about your Dr taking you off melatonin. Its NOT prescription. Your Dr must know this. It’s cheap too - like about $10 for 500 3mg capsules. Hmmm.
What dose does he have you take?
I'm in Denmark. Melatonin is prescription and I doubt customs will let me bring it in easily from the outside. Here I give about 30$ for 30 extended release 2mg pills. I cheekily call it my sleep-subscription.
Minor correction: she. A super knowledgeable female doc, helped me through thick and thin. Took my grief as something real, just not sure how she assumed that after a traumatic loss I'd be out of the thick of it in 10 months.
Prescription?! Sorry. I thought we had too many rules. Expensive prescription for Melatonin.
Any and all meds that have to do with sleep, are prescribed in limited quantities and only upon showing up at GP in person. I know it's insane, but that's the rules where I'm at.
I’m up to an average of 4.5 hours a night! Geez, that’s still awful.
I often wonder if our grief and daily life isn’t harder because we are walking around deeply exhausted. I’ve kinda gotten used to it, but I don’t like it one bit.
Agreed. I’m a walking mess. Often I’m too tired to work out which just makes things worse.
"I often wonder if our grief and daily life isn’t harder because we are walking around deeply exhausted."
I definitely think so.
Prazosin helps with PTSD & Effexor for the anxiety. They put me on both and I’m 4 years out from the death of my husband. I hadn’t slept good until the medications.
I lost my late wife in the same way and yeah it messed me up badly. I went through two lots of therapy, did a lot of reflection and trying to get over the survivor guilt on top of all the other things. I did have sleep issues for a long time but having a strict sleep pattern, cut out the booze, exercise and I used (and still use) the Headspace app to get to sleep. I hope that helps.
Yeah, it really is difficult dealing with a spouse whose committed suicise. Sorry to hear that.
What worked for me was to get up around 4:30 - 5:00 am and go workout. I do this to get bright sunlight in my face as early as possible which supposedly resets one’s circadian rhythm which is the fundamental basis for sleep. Like I said, it works for me, but I hate getting up so early. But I like to sleep more.
I don't know anyone who doesn't have sleep problems after the death of their companion... My insomia completely affects my life.. I have no motivation or joy to pursue anything.. I'm just existing.. My love was such a big part of who I was.. My heart feels empty without her
Yeah. Between being tired all the time, the emptiness and the loss —it’s not fun.
My wife died 9 years ago had same problem. After 8 months doctor told me I was going to sleep but not all the way to rem sleep. Irritated all the time. Because of my job couldn't put me on a heavy sleep med but did find one that knocks me out for about 4 to 5 hours then it wears off and I feel rested afterwards. You need to be honest with your doctor and find the right medication to help you get threw this. Yes I still take night meds
I take lots of meds at night — it helps me get to sleep. Staying asleep is another story.
Yeah, I get irritated a lot too.
I have chronic sleep issues too. A lot of people recommended melatonin, which didn't help initially in pill form. . When I wake up at 2 or 3, I now use a melatonin spray and it's made such a huge difference!
Gummies.........
Worth a try! Then again what types of gummies? I live in California and all sorts of gummies are available.
Not sure what is available there but I'd start at 1/2 (10mg THC/10 mg CBD each) gummy. Before you do as was suggested here speak to someone at the dispensary, they can guide you. Everyone is different so best to speak to the experts.
I want to try it. I live in the San Francisco Bay area (North Bay). what I am interested in would be something formulated for sleep - very mild so I can double up, etc to get to an effective dose. I don’t want to sleep so soundly that I can’t get up if there’s a problem. I have 2 dogs that VERY occasionally need to go out at night. I have a pretty large yard and cannot let them run free unless I am conscious enough to control them. Yes, I am very dog-centric. And they are a handful!
I think all THC products are legal here. Gummies would be preferred in that I really would prefer to swallow something minimal at night — as I don’t like to eat at night. The cost of these things is not important to me.
Isn’t there some “commercial “ product that can be purchased? I don’t like the idea of a small dispensary “cooking up a batch.” Lot of room for someone to screw up and make something really strong.
Using Google, I can only seem to find specialty stores — and I don’t know shit about any of this stuff. Thanks! But what do people do?
I have a friend visiting later this week from Sonoma County, if I remember I'll ask her advice!
I recommend going to a dispensary and talking to them. Ask for products with CBD and/or CBN in addition to THC. Start with a low dose.
I like Pabst Blue Ribbon midnight berries seltzer (1/3 to 1/2 can) or Wyld elderberry gummies (1/2 gummy). Camino is also a good brand that makes a sleep gummy (cut it in half).
If you want to try something that isn't cannabis based, I've had good luck with Winged Sleepyhead gummies (available on Amazon).
I'm approaching 2 years myself. The struggle is real.
I’m a year and three months and I’m also sleeping like shit. I’ve always had sleep issues but they’re way worse now, and the sleep I do get doesn’t seem to leave me rested. The thing that’s been getting me through is I read once that while nothing is as good as sleep, resting still helps a lot. So instead of saying “well I’m awake anyway might as well do X” I make the conscious decision to rest for an entire eight hours regardless of how much of it I sleep. And by rest I mean doing things like laying in the dark with my eyes closed and trying not to do anything too exciting. I generally alternate between doing guided meditations, ones that walk you through imagining some journey or another, I have one that’s a space ship journey and one that’s a jungle river boat trip that I particularly like. The other thing I do is listen to podcasts, I try and choose ones that I find interesting enough to listen to but also fairly boring, I don’t go for the story podcasts when resting but rather things like history or space podcasts, just somebody talking about a subject, something that I can tune in and out of. Sometimes those things help put me to sleep, sometimes they don’t, but I do feel less draggingly exhausted in the morning when I’ve been good and rested in the dark when I wasn’t sleeping than when I turned on the TV or spent hours on my phone instead.
6/22 as well, such a shit month. I’m so sorry, that trauma must be intense.
I’m pretty sure my therapist thinks that I’m exaggerating when I talk about how little sleep I get. It truly is something only other widow/ers understand.
They all think that way…..
Yep. I have had maybe 10 half-decent nights of sleep over the past 11.5 years since my husband died -- and that's with taking a (prescribed) sleeping pill every night.
It's the grief, of course, but the grief also exacerbated my anxiety and OCD (as has some other life shit), which have greatly contributed to the problem.
It sucks.
Edibles worked for me. I didn’t sleep after my daughter’s death much at all and I had to keep working. Edibles became legal here after her death and my psychiatrist suggested I try one. Hadn’t had weed since HS (now sixties) and one edible gives me a good nights sleep. I’m coming up to the third anniversary of her death. I’m still using one every night.
5 or 10 mg melatonin works for me. One thing I noticed though is that there is a weird sneaky melatonin “ hangover/depression/fatigue” thing that may occur or may not. But I really liked the melatonin and then I guess it snuck up on me until one day I had that weird hangover now Im a little afraid of it.
I’ve been like that for 13 years and my sleep problems still haven’t let up.
Have you tried any type of sleep aid? I just started an over the counter, non habit forming, and I've gotten surprisingly a full and restful sleep.
I'm sorry for you loss. I lost my husband to suicide almost 4 years ago.
I have an Rx for Klonopin but it's not the best answer. I still wake up most nights but I am able to go back to sleep. I also listen to guided meditations. It's really bizarre how well they work for me. It's the most random story telling as opposed to the "you are healing, you are loved" meditations. I've been using it for years and it's just part of my routine. Really, why would I care to hear the little world of being at a laundromat? I use headspace and there's a whole section just for sleep stories.
And I do know other people who use it and none of us understand how exactly it works but I'd say give it a chance because I actually thought it was going to be super dumb, not kidding. And after the unraveling and complexity of suicide, I'm quite cynical.
Back to the medication, I've been on a low dose of it for a few years. Some people build a tolerance for it. I've also have had friends who told me it made them feel awful. It's all worth talking to your doctor about your options. My own doctor never shames me for it. Besides fellow suicide death survivors, there's not much general knowledge about what suicide does to us. I mean, I'd really like to go just one day not thinking of it and it's always me asking "why!". We know "why" but there's so much to it and a lot of shame around it. And I know there's the collective, for all of us who've lost our loved one in any kind of way, wishing we'd wake up from this nightmare.
Those are my just suggestions. I hope you find a way to get solid sleep/rest and when you do wake up, you find a way to get back to sleep.
Me too, haven’t had a good night’s sleep since my husband died over 2 years ago.
Weird question but have you ever tried sleeping during the day and using the night as your wake period? I have been a terrible sleeper my entire life and it was already pretty bad before his death. It has been something I have been working on for the last year and the only thing that really helps is sleeping for maybe 2 hours a night and taking 1-2 daytime naps(ranging anywhere from 2-4hours) . I feel a lot more refreshed if I take a nap.
Been waking up around 5:30 AM every morning usually unable to back to sleep for almost four months. I hope you can get synched with a healthy sleep schedule soon.
I go through it 24/7. Finally might sleep several hours per 24-hour cycle. Really can't claim why this happens. I wonder sometimes if being all alone is making me crazy. Just the dog, lots of talk radio and the television. Not the life!
Yes, it sucks. I don’t know why it happens either — but from comments here there seem to be a LOT of people in similar situations.
I have used Melatonin, but only for a few days at a time. Overuse will make it less effective.
I too would wake up around 2:30am - 3:00am and find myself not able to get back to sleep. My last need for Melatonin I cut the tablet in half. Used the halves for about a week. I think it's getting the body used to a sleep schedule again.
You have gotten used to sleeping for a few hours. Habit is important. Bedtime is the same time everyday. Same as waking up. For me 11:00pm to 6:00am.
Was realizing the same thing after a year. Started by making it a goal to get 21 out of 28 nights sleep. Took me 6 months to do that once, a nights sleep being 7hrs.
Along the way I tried meditation app in bed (1 giant mind). When I woke if it wasn't from dream, I realized it was sounds from outside or early sunlight. So close curtains, and windows so room is more quiet. Also use nightly mantra type thing. Stating three things grateful for, a prayer can use something that speaks to you. Then speak dream/goal for future. I don't think I ever get to the last one.
I think when decide want to sleep better, then can try things and take what works for you. Having more tools in the tool box so to speak to try at different times. Still will be times that just watching hours go by. Like someone else said resting and laying there is sometimes best can do. Journaling is another tool use. As well as coming here. Sometimes just getting it out helps empty what's inside.
The other part is for me moving forward is acknowledging that I am moving away from the past. Which is hard to think about.
Time skews very weirdly. As I look back and wonder where did two years go. Yet here we are. I focus on trying to be better than yesterday. Some days is better some days the bar is reset low again.
Prolonged stress depletes nutrients in the body. Vitamin D and Magnesium helped me sleep better.
Still not what it used to be, but gradually improving. I went from having no good night, to having a few good nights each month, to having a few good nights in a row.
Sorry to say you probably won't get medication or help from doctors or psychiatrists. Only thing that has helped me is physical exertion (exercise,work) and trying to remember to eat a couple of hours before bed.
Yep, 4.5 yrs for me, and my sleep has never gotten back to normal.
It was cancer that took her, and I held her hand while she passed. Her last moments weren't the most peaceful, despite being told it's all normal, and it's that what still haunts my mind.
Sorry pal...
Same here. Almost one year out and not sleeping at all. I recently started eating CBN edibles. If you live in a cannabis legal state you might want to try them. One of these and a 10mg melatonin has been working pretty well for the last two weeks. Getting about 4-5hrs now
So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband two years ago.It was sudden,he didn’t have any underlying health issues.Battled with extreme anxiety and insomnia. Tried EMDR and it really helped.I had to work really hard to bring myself to a semblance of normalcy.I take a bio available magnesium and melatonin every night and sleep peacefully most nights.Magnesium has been a game changer.
I have this issue, but also have a 5 year old that now sleeps in my bed and a 2 year old that is in a crib in my room. She still often wakes for diapers or milk in the night (I don’t let my babies cry). But one thing I will say to try, vitamin D. I naturally run very low (I am a ginger). And it affects so much! Sleep, energy, digestion. Start with D3 and K2 in a combo tablet. Once daily, with 5000 units of vitamin d3 inside. In about a week you should start noticing a small difference just overall. That is a good dose for daily for maintenance as well. If you happen to see a doctor for bloodwork anytime soon, you can ask that they also test your level. Mine was at 12 when I got tested, and the dr had already sent me to a gallbladder scan bc of symptoms! Its not a super common test they do, but really does alter a lot when its that low. When mine was that low, they prescribed a “megadose” to raise it quickly.
I've dealt with it for about 2 years now, but it actually is getting better. For a long, long time after my husband died, I, like you, was able to get to sleep, but 4:00 in the morning would come, and I'd be wide awake, just having thoughts roll through my head. I do keep soothing music, vibrational music, or rain or train sounds on black screen/Youtube overnight. Hugging his pillow has helped, and I still do that. Mainly can make it to 5:30 and sometimes even 6:30 now, but there are still many nights when I look up at the time projected on my ceiling, and I seem to wake up every hour on the hour. If lucky, can get back to sleep but no guarantee. My DIL made a quilt out of some of my husband's clothing. I tell you, if I fall asleep under that, I'm out like a baby. It's either the comforting thought of having his clothing so near me, or it could be the weighted blanket effect. Either way, it has helped me. Just one night at a time is all we can do, but I still need noise overnight. Right now, I'm still listening to Native American flute music, and it has a lot of calmness to it. Hoping you find a solution that works for you....
My husband died 3 years ago from suicide. We were married for 30 years, and I had no idea he was suffering PTSD. I have nightmares of finding him all the time still and causes me sleep issues. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I understand your whole world has been torn down.
Thanks.
I’m sorry that you have to go through this too.
Almost 4 years out and I still don’t sleep well. I’m absolutely exhausted. Like you I have no problems going to sleep, it’s the staying asleep.
That’s what I don’t understand. Why do Dr’s, etc not understand?
Then again I‘ve had enough death in my life. My mother died in 2019, my BIL in 2021. My sister in 2021, then my wife in 2022. My father died when I was 14 — but I wasn't affected like that. I really just don get it.
I had that problem for sometime . But after a period of using medical cannabis I was able to sleep at least 7 hours. I eventually didn’t need it. But it does help. You need to see a doctor to get a prescription. It is not for everyone but it helped me. Sleep is necessary for better health. My wife passed away 6 months ago. I was using her medical cannabis. I hope you all can find some relief from not being able to sleep. Take care of yourself .
It's only been 6 weeks since my husband died. My sleep patterns are in the tank. I don't fight it anymore, I just get up. I read, I write in my journal, if there's a moon out I stare through the window. I nap during the day, which seems to help. Somebody had mentioned earlier in a feed that they felt like a ghost. That's a good term, or, maybe a tiny title pool when the tide is out. You can see through to the sand at the bottom, and the pool is still, undisturbed by any sign of life. The tiny pool sits quietly waiting for the ocean to return.
I’m really sorry for your loss and subsequent problems. Not sleeping is not fun. You’d think we’d all sleep too much because we wanted to avoid the world. Not true, I guess. You seem to have your act together, though “seem” may be all that it is.
My best wishes for you and the future. These are severe life-altering events, and definity not fun. Good luck.
My partner has also been gone for about two years. I’m experiencing exactly the same problem. I honestly don’t think I’ve slept a full 8 hours since. I wake up constantly throughout the night or get up very early. I fear at this point it’s taking a toll to my overall health, only adding to my ever growing anxiety.
Grief is the shittiest club with all kinds of terrible side effects, I’m so sorry. 😢