AITA for saying I didn't realize I could "love a person this much" in front of my fiancé after having our baby? (Not OOP)
Am I...He LOVES that woman DOWN.
The type of love one can dream of.
lol 😂
I saw a video of this, and I think it was perfect
Hope OP’s fiancé sees this.
As a woman that really grosses me out, but I guess it’s all personal preference. And his whole deal is to be an edge lord. Maybe that makes me unusual, but if it absolutely couldn’t be equal, then I’d rather my husband love me more than the kids or I’d just feel like a factory that he used to create more of himself.
Wow. I am intentionally childless but even I can see how problematic what you just said is. A father’s love for the children is not about you. It’s not a competition. And if you are going to feel so insecure about yourself just because your hubby might not love you equally or more, then you need therapy. Who even competes with their own child, for a partner’s love that too?
It's wild to.me how people treat love as a zero-sum game. The more love I give away, the more I have -- a classic positive feedback loop.
I can't imagine having to keep some in reserve, partition it, and serve it like a pie. "I love you more, so I love them less." It's anathema.
Exactly this. When I had my second child, it’s not that I had spot split my love between my teo boys, it’s that my love just grew for both of them. That’s how love works.
And especially competing for it is wild! Like, I can’t imagine someone feeling insecure because their partner loves their child more. There’s something very…icky about that.
TIL it’s edgy to love your own children lol
It's just a joke to emphasis how much he loves his children chill out it's exactly the same as what the OP said about her baby
All sane people would protect their children before their spouse. Every sane spouse agrees.
Exactly! Especially when they’re little, every parent should be more concerned with protecting their children than their spouse. I am far more capable of taking care of myself than my kid is, so it’s a good thing for my wife to be more concerned with him than me (and vice versa). Even beyond that, though, there’s the fact that I have lived more than my kid has. I’m not ready to go just yet, but if I had to choose between me and my kid, I would choose him surviving over me every single time.
My children come above literally everybody else, choice between one of my kids or any other person and it’s not even close! And that’s the way it should be.
You’re weird that you want your husband to love you more than your kids. So you’d rather him let your kids die. But make sure you live huh. Selfish
If my wife didn’t love our children more than she loved me, I’d be fucking furious. I’m an adult. I can handle that. I can take care of myself and I can protect myself. But my kids? They wouldn’t be able to do that. I’d want my wife to love them and want to protect them more than me. If she had to choose between me or the children in a life-threatening scenario, I’d hope she chose our children.
I told my husband that he will never be loved like my children. When I say: "I love you most", I mean "I love you the most from the people where I can grasp enough of my love to even compare".
I can't compare the love for my children. It's a bottomless pit in the universe inside my heart. It's where galaxies are birthed, and stars go to die, and it still can't compare to anything else.
He's very glad to know.
I think you just perfectly described conditional vs unconditional love.
My mom told me that she and my dad had both agreed if there were ever a situation where they had to choose the kids or each other choose the kids. My mom said if he saved her and something happened to the kids she’d never be able to forgive him.
I said the same to my wife. In a freak accident, might be able to save myself. Our kids couldn’t. I couldn’t live with myself or forgive her if she chose to save a grown ass woman over her own defenseless children.
His whole deal is actually to be an aggressively nice and likable guy. Not sure how you got “edge lord” from any of his public persona
As a woman, if my husband said he chooses me over the kids, I'd leave him.
It’s a joke. Part of their relationship is joking about each other like this. They BOTH are hysterical and don’t take shit too seriously.
Please don't have kids. They don't need you being their first bully and biggest competitor
Have you got children? I would absolutely HATE it if my partner loved me more than my kid.
Wait, you assume that if a man loves his children more than he loves you that he is using you as a baby factory? What a stupid hot take. You realize love isn’t a single jar with a limit?
As a woman, why do you have any feelings about this? A man said he would sacrifice his wife and I’m sure himself to protect his kid. That’s NORMAL.
We get it, you're "not like other girls". 🍪
Do you have children?
You need therapy if you think a father loving his daughter is gross. You would probably be that narcissistic mother who is jealous of their own daughter and saw them as competition with your husband. Although from your comment I doubt anyone wouldn’t be able to sense the unhinged crazy you radiate and run before kids happened.
He lived years of his life not knowing you even existed, but for the baby you are the whole world. No other love compares to the love we have for our children; it gives us the resilience we need to raise them. It keeps our species from extinction, and it’s a completely natural way to feel.
Plus, she had just given birth and was holding the child she'd carried for nine months and spent a grueling how many hours in labor pushing out into the world for the first time. Of course she's going to be super emotional and feel an intense amount of love in that moment.
You are so high on hormones when that baby comes out it is unbelievable. You love them incredibly intensely after the hormones settle out, but maybe a little bit less crazily.
You don’t love a spouse unconditionally. You generally do a child. That right there is proof enough that one love is stronger than the other.
Short of the child turning out to be like, Charles Manson, or Ted Bundy, or being an abusive spouse/parent, I think any good parent does unconditionally love their child. Even then, I’ve heard some parents on true crime stuff admit they still love their child even after doing awful things, even though they know most people think they shouldn’t. (I’m not saying they should or shouldn’t. But the love of a parent is a crazy thing.)
I have said that same thing about my baby. The conclusion I've come to is that I don't live my husband less, but I love my daughter more immediately and more intimately. I literally had her INSIDE ME. Her entire being! Having her has also changed my love for my husband. Seeing him as a loving, involved father has made me love and appreciate him all the more.
In that thread, someone said "I would kill for my husband but I would die for my children". It resonated with me. I thought about how Naya Rivera drowned in a lake but was able to save her son. So many parents have died or put themselves in danger protecting their children.
Shad Gaspard too, he was a professional wrestler who drowned saving his son from a rip current. He also stopped an armed robbery at one point, too. He was an all around bad ass.
Shad was a beautiful, beautiful human being. Inducting him posthumously into the WWE Hall of Fame was the right choice.
That's exactly what I've said before lol... My husband knows I love him, but we both agreed the kiddos come first. Only one out of this gaggle of gooses at the house is ACTUALLY my child, but I've been in my nieces/nephews/baby sister's lives since before they were born, so the love I have for them is almost the same as my own baby girl. And I have told my husband "I'd kill for you babe, but I'd kill and be killed for them" 🤣 I'm real glad we're on the same page there. He said he'd throw me at a grenade to protect our children🥰
That last point is an absolutely great one to make. Just because she loves her baby more doesn’t mean that she won’t learn to love her partner in a whole new way
This is part of why I want to have kids. Not that I’ll be birthing them (bad genetics and various other issues) but to love another person so deeply and completely is another level of love. I want to see the father my partner becomes and what our child will grow up to be. Even just giving our child love will make us better parents than my own. I want to raise a child but I also want to help build the building blocks for a stable and functional adult.
It’s a different kind of love between a parent and child versus two adults in love. There’s no competition there. I love my husband. I love my kids. My love for my husband is the romantic type. My love for my kids is as their mother. Maybe he needs to understand there’s a difference. It would be wrong on so many levels to love your kid romantically and very awkward to love your spouse/SO as a parent does for their child. There’s a big difference.
I’m not even a mother and I can see why a mother would say that especially after just giving birth. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him just as much or next as much. There is just a different type of concept of love a mother has for her child.
Wow, way for your fiance to take a beautiful moment between 3 women from different generations and make it about himself. Just because he doesn't share or understand your feelings towards your daughter doesn't mean you're wrong for having them. The type of love one feels for a child is, in my experience, completely different from spousal love. NTA.
However, Precious Boy needs to pull up his big boy pants and realize that he and his fiance's lives are going to change, and that he needs to grow up and step up to be a father.
At risk of sounding cynical, I'm guessing he's salty that he's not OP's center of attention anymore and won't be ever again.
I had the same issue in my marriage. My ex husband could not get over the fact that he was no longer the center of attention. A grown ass man trying to compete with a baby. Absolutely wild.
I'm childless but me and my partner have three bunnies, are working with dog behaviourist to adopt a dog from a shelter and are feeding a (probably) homeless mama cat and if she would like, we would adopt her. And my partner knows and understands that my love for our furbabies is stronger, as their dependent from me. And tbh I think it's the same for him.
Only sometimes he jokes, that I sometimes forget to give him a good morning kiss but never forget to give a good morning pet to those of our bunnies that like it.
Yep got the ick straight away and thought she’s better leaving because he’ll be resentful him and his penis aren’t arent no 1 anymore.
You should really go and read the update and id recommend not giving advice on these subs, ever.
He felt like she didn't love him so asked, she dismissed him, he agreed he should have maybe asked at a better time and she agreed that her dismissing him emotions was a terrible thing to do.
It was a perfectly normal misunderstanding about emotions between two people on what may be the most emotional day of their lives.
And also... what?? A moment between 3 women?? Sorry but isn't this his child?? The f**k
I love my children more than anyone on the planet. It’s a totally different love than anything else. My husband has never skipped a beat when I’ve said things like that. So yes, fiancé has issues.
Yeah, fiancée is being a little insecure bitch with attachment issues that need to be worked on in therapy if he seriously doesn’t understand how a parent can love their child more than their partner, especially if said parent literally spent the past 10 months growing this perfect little human. OP is definitely NTA
Everyone’s different. I know of a couple who love each other much more than their kids. In my case it’s kid first and everyone else second and I don’t see it changing. I had this kid before I had my current partner and was pretty open ‘push come to shove I will never choose you over my son’. I thought that was normal … maybe I’m weird.
I think, even in “intact” families, your view is normal. I love my husband. I would choose no one else in this world to go through life with. But it is conditional on him remaining more or less who he is at his foundation. If he hurt my kids, I’d leave him immediately. We’re both grown people, we choose to be here. My kids did not choose us. We chose them. If my husband suddenly became violent, or an addict, or cheated on me - we’d see about medical reasons for the first two, and treatment would by a condition of us being around. But my kids will be loved until the day they die, no matter what they do. Even if they became the worst humans on the planet and I had to let them go or see them in prison. I would still love them. My husband has the ability to end my love for him. My children do not.
I mean I love my husband way more than anyone other than my kids buuuuuut it’s like two different kind of loves ya know. But when it comes down to it I love my kids more than anyone or anything.
I read this to my husband and his response, verbatim: “has he considered not being a whiner?” 😆
Fr, tho - he says it’s two different kinds of love, and maybe if this guy tries being a dad for longer than 30 seconds, he’ll figure it out. IMHO, she shouldn’t marry this guy.
maybe if this guy tries being a dad for longer than 30 seconds, he’ll figure it out.
It’s definitely a comment by a guy who hasn’t been a father very long.
It can take a bit for that paternal love — the having-a-kid-is-like-having-your-heart-walking-around-outside-your-body love — to kick in for a guy.
Hopefully, in a year’s time, the guy will be mortified he ever said such a thing.
My kids are beyond a doubt the most intense love I’ve ever felt because it’s a different love. You can fall out of love with a partner, but you can’t do that with your own children.
Yes, people get divorced all the time, it’s very rare that people legally separate from their children
Wow, it’s almost like romantic and parental love are two different things…
Me and my husband have a 21 month old. We have both said the same thing that we love our daughter more than each other.
It’s also a completely different kind of love.
Before having a child I would have thought I’d have done anything for my husband but now since we have this small human to care for I wouldn’t do anything as there is someone that relies on me completely for everything. It’s hard to put into words properly.
Well like a lot of men he has a rude awakening, which sounds like it has started already. When you have a child things stop being about you and instead are about the kids, if he wanted to be #1 then he shouldn’t have had kids. It’s something that isn’t talked about enough. If he’s #1 it means someday you may put him and his needs over the needs of the child which shouldn’t ever happen.
I think men get wives and children and believe they’re “theirs” and that their whole focus should be them. That’s how he can say he loves you both equally. “Equal” means he wouldn’t put one of your interests above the others’, which is wrong, he’s a dad now so his #1 focus should be taking care of and helping to raise this human being, that’s both your priority and focus now, not him being insecure and worrying about how much love you feel for your child.
My husband and I literally had several discussions after our first was born where we both marveled on how we loved our baby more than we thought was possible. Definitely NTA. There’s a Ryan Reynolds interview where he talks about how much more intense his love for his child is, I believe saying he would use his wife a shield to save his baby or something. Maybe play him that? Because his experience is not universal and maybe he needs to put more effort into bonding.
I don't think theyre an asshole. I do think it's jarring hearing someone reprioritize their feelings for you on the spot, but he kinda just has to take it on the chin. There isn't really such thing as loving 'equally' in the way they suggest. Lotta dudes have weird ideas about love and relationships
I have loved my wife from day one. In almost 30 years since we started dating, I find new things about her that make me fall in love again. So, if anything, I have a deeper, more intense love that grows every year.
This never changed when we had our son. I love my son, would take on the entire world for him, but it's a different kind of love. It doesn't substract from the love I feel for my wife. Quite the contrary, I'd say. The fact that we made this new life together, that she gave me my son, makes me feel more love for her.
So excuse me if I don't understand what the ducking duck this guy is talking about.
I wonder what damaged this guy in his life to develop this weird stance on how love works.
How dare he feel hurt and have grievances of feeling less loved. The audacity of him right? I wouldn't react the way the fiance does, but I can understand and sympathize with his feelings of hurt.
I think that kind of reasoning is incredibly childish for a grown man that is now a parent, but that's just me. The guy needs therapy.
Oh good god, the fact that he’s jealous of his own infant is ridiculous.
Idk if you want a relationship you do have to consider that there sometimes isn't a "right" or "wrong" Even if it sometimes hurts our pride, it doesn't actually hurt us to consider another person's feelings as valid if they feel hurt by what we said, even if we weren't "in the wrong"
He's in his feelings about something you said, and apparently you're in your feelings about what he said. Why else get so defensive when someone comes and says they were hurt.
Maybe take a moment and decide if you want this to overshadow your happiness and peace. Or if you want your partner to walk around feeling hurt. I think a line of communication being open to expressing hurt is important between partners. Why shut it down.
I don't think it's wrong to love your child "more" but maybe your husband is insecure about being loved so it's a pain point. If you were feeling insecure you would probably want to feel heard and like your partner cared about your insecurities, even if they were irrational.
This has to set a new time record for a spouse being jealous of a baby…
I mean I straight up told my husband I love our son more than him when he asked me directly 🤷🏼♀️
I absolutely love my kid more than my wife. And it’s the same for her. Once again the fragile male ego is wrecking things
I was just talking to my mom today about this. Women and men definitely love children differently, in our experience
The love you have for your child is completely different than that of a partner. My bf could do things to make me not love him anymore. My son couldn’t. I might not always support his decisions when he’s older, but I will always love him.
I said exactly the same thing when my first baby was born! There is a kind of love that you don’t even know existed until you become a parent. It’s a different kind of love you feel for a partner.
Are these 'normal' people in the room with us right now? The love for my children is infinite beyond all expressions. I think it is so weird when partners are offended by the love you feel for a child. My ex was offended when he found out I love the kids more than him (pre-divorce) and would save them from a fire before I would save him. It is an absolutely absurd expectation to think someone would love you more than their child.
I've been married to my husband and for nearly 9 years, when our daughter, who is 4, was born I straight up looked him in the eyes and said "I'd push you in front of a train for her" he just smiled and said "Same here" and we laughed. Still holds true. The love for your children is a whole different kind of love and bond. The order of importance in my life goes : My kids, my husband, my Dad, my animals, and everyone else.
NTA, I don’t know a new parent who hasn’t said this. He’s just being weird, he will be fine lol
That’s such a weird thing for him to say. The relationship bt mom and baby is so different from a romantic one. 🚩🚩🚩
I think your response to his hurt feelings makes you kind of an AH, but just learn from it. It’s the way you said it. It could have been a lovely moment for you both if it had been handled differently. If you love someone and something you did or said hurts them, read the room! You would want the same care given to your hurt feelings. I love my kids with all my heart. They are grown and on their own. My husband and I raised them, loved them, still love them, but he and I belong together for the rest of our lives. It’s a slightly different full-hearted love. You raise your kids to leave you. You and your spouse strive to love each more all the time. We loved each other when we got married, but our love for each now completely eclipses our love of 50 years ago. Think about how you say things. Delivery is extremely important. Talk to him the way you want to be talked to.
He needs to get the frick over it and stop being jealous of a baby. It’s a different kind of love and only a kind of love a mother can experience with her child. Get over it dude you don’t have ovaries and will never understand
due to the implication
Make sure to never go out on a boat with this fella.
Yikes I wonder how many other red flags he has
Dude needs to realise the he’s going to come second and that’s what you want in a person who’s the mother of your child
He’s going to need to get over himself. This is literally your baby. It is an actual part of you.
That’s normal
No, most “normal people” wouldn’t be jealous of a mother’s love for her baby.
Wow. I would put that in a mental file.
How does you move forward from this? Does he offer an apology? Does he truly understand—or desire to—how deeply moving that moment was, and that your love for his child doesn’t in any way minimize your love for him?
Does this fit with a pattern of selfish behavior? Or making you feel a bit nuts for something perfectly reasonable?
these next three months should be all about YOU. He needs to take care of you and the baby, especially you so you can rest and recover from the massive transformation and physical trauma of giving birth. How does he respond when your hormones are crashing or your body is being unpredictable?
I do appreciate that he didn’t ruin the moment for you and your mom. But this does give one pause, bc WHOA
well this marriage is over.
You’re supposed to feel that way . It’s nature helping you fulfill your parental duties . Parenting is mostly self sacrifice and hard work . How hard would it be if you didn’t feel that way ? Your daughter needs you immensely more than your husband needs you . Not only are you nta, you’re feeling exactly the way you should .
She’s in for a painful 18 years.
NTA and totally normal reaction for OP. But I’m a mom and I didn’t feel this “unique” love for my baby and still don’t. I’d take a bullet for everyone I love, and I don’t feel super different about the love I feel for my best friend, my husband, and my children (and honestly even my dog). I feel a lot of different forms of responsibility for my child that I don’t feel for anyone else; there is always a part of my brain that is thinking about where he is, whether he’s safe, and whether his needs are met. We have an attached and deeply close relationship, and I am delighted by him and love being his mom. But I have also never felt what OP describes. If husband can’t feel it and doesn’t understand it, I can see him being hurt, but he needs to read up and understand that a lot of moms experience what his wife is experiencing and it shouldn’t be a threat to him. It’s okay for him to be hurt but he should approach with curiosity instead of defensiveness.
Interesting article on some of this recently:
https://www.thecut.com/article/excerpt-what-are-children-for-anastasia-berg.html
And another one I also relate to and don’t really think is in contrast:
https://www.thecut.com/article/matresence-lucy-jones-postpartum-anxiety-change-biology.html
There is something going on with him, making him insecure. This is really immature behavior.
NTA. It’s gross that your fiancé doesn’t feel the same and I’d be rethinking the marriage honestly. If he can’t handle not being the center of attention you’re setting yourself up for a life of walking around on eggshells catering to his ego, trying to make your kid’s emotional and physical needs smaller so they don’t set “daddy” off.
Your NTA, but neither is he. You’ve had 9months of growing this beautiful baby inside of you, but in a moment you “all of a sudden” love someone more than him. Both of your feelings are so natural.
Someday I will have children of my own, & my husband will love them more than he loves me. This is both a beautiful thing I’m excited for and kind of terrifying and hurtful at the same time. Conflicting feelings can exist simultaneously.
OK. The couple is having a child before marriage. They didn't get married before the child was born to, "legitimize," the child. The father is jealous of the child. These are three red flags against a lasting relationship. The father is telling you, without telling you, he has no intention of sticking around. I'm wondering if he asked his own mother about her thoughts about this. Maybe he should. Good luck to you and I hope you have a strong support system. I'm sure many of you will take exception to my old-fashioned views on family and that's OK because it seems to me that the more free and open methods to having and raising children is failing miserably.
Boo-hoo! He’s so hurt! Man-Baby needs to get over himself! The love a woman feels for a child is completely different from romantic love. 🤦🏻♀️
Partners being jealous of kids or pets is insane.
Nta and if my husband said that about our kids then which he has then I’d love him even more because we made that together and that child parent bond is so wonderful. Plus as a mom who is pregnant right now if I said that and my husband took offense I’d put his ass in his place which is number 2 but he already knows our kids are number 1 priority in our lives.
Tell him to put his balls back on please.
Father of 3 here, I love my wife and love my kids very much but something I have realized over the years is that if my wife were to pass away I know it would be devastating but I would eventually accept it and move on. On the other hand if it were my children, I don't know how i would ever be able to. Times would get better but I would never be over it. There is just something about your kid that in due time for him he will realize that he will never be able to even express the love he has for her/him. He needs to grow the fuck up for you and that child because if he waits too long he will miss out on the lucky opportunity that life has given him.
Kind of been there?
Not in those exact feelings, but I have a complicated relationship with my mother and there is kind of a vague sadness that no one has ever loved me as much as my kids mom loves them.
I don’t begrudge them it, I’m happy she’s a better mother than mine (and a much better mother and coparent than wife), but it does make me ache sometimes.
So true!
My husband and I have no kids together but when his previous baby mama was neglecting their daughter and we took temporary custody, I fell in love with that child in a way I had no idea was possible. I instantly knew I would protect her with every fiber of my being even though she isn’t biologically mine, and my husband was surprised but totally relieved. I adore my husband but he can take care of himself. I’d protect her before him for sure. Definitely NTA
As a man, she’s Nta for saying that, giving birth is the most beautiful things in the world. If I would’ve ever get married and have kids, yes, I would love my wife to the utmost, but having a child, I’m gonna love that child more. Sorry, wifey, but baby girl (or boy) gonna get all my love.
I fully expect my husband to love our kids more than me, I’d be a bit fucked up if he didn’t. He agrees
I said the same thing to my husband and anyone else that would listen. I loved my son so much I would just cry because the love was overwhelming! That and postpartum hormones are nuts.
My mother lived in a trailer park, and one of the trailers caught fire with two children in it. Three people had to physically restrain the mother from running into the fire as she was screaming for her children. Her children died. I thought this was really tragic, but I didn’t understand it until I became a mom. I’d try to claw my way through a brick wall if my kids were in danger on the other side of it. I’d run into a flaming building without a second thought. My husband is the love of my life, my soulmate, but it’s a different kind of love for your kids.
It’s different kind of love that you feel for your child.
I love my kid a hell of a lot more than his dad. His dad loves him a hell of a lot more than he loves me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Tell him to fart in a phone booth.
He should be loving his child more too. Kid should come first for both parents.
So he's jealous of a newborn and thinks that's normal? Sounds like a real mature person to marry.
That's a huge red flag.
You love your children more than your partner. That's how it's supposed to be.
Your fiance sounds like a narcissist with the mental capacity of a 5 year old. "No, i want to be the center of the galaxy".
Your kids are more important and you will always love them more.
Always.
I've told my wife very clearly: I don't care how hard it is, if you ever have to choose between saving the kids or me, you take the kids. And she has the same rule for me. The fact that we love our kids more isn't even up for debate.
The love I feel for my daughter is completely different to the love I feel for my partner, parents, friends, dog etc.
It doesn't mean I love any of them any less, in fact it's made me appreciate and feel even closer to my partner and parents. I was so worried I'd love my dog less and I'm so glad that that hasn't happened, it's just a completely different type of love.
Fiancé sounds like he's going to get jealous of the baby getting more attention than him, in a way that isn't just "I miss date nights with just you" 😬
Seriously. I tell my kids this all the time, even when they’ve told me they love me their mother. That I can’t explain the love I have for them and they won’t understand it unless they become parents themselves. lol her bloke is a sook
Perfectly normal to feel that way. Personally I find it a marker of a healthy and loving relationship, to willingly create someone that you will both love more than each other and to be comfortable with that. No decent man feels threatened by the love a woman has for their child.
Fiance sounds insecure & insufferable 😭 It’s a new baby! A new human life you brought to this world made by you & the one you love.
You’re telling me your personal threshold of love wouldn’t increase once that creation you waited nine months to see is finally here? I don’t even have kids yet!
My husband said this directly to me when our daughter was born via c-section. This was my 3rd daughter, and his first. He turned to me while holding her in his arms and said he loved me, but he never knew he could have so much love for someone like what he felt for her. He was the first to hold her and he stayed and cared for her during my recovery in the hospital. The nurses were in awe of him changing the diapers and bringing her over so she could breastfeed and giving her the bottle to make sure she was getting enough food. He still to this day after all these years makes sure we are still feeding her the right stuff and that she has the best of everything. We make sure to show him how much we appreciate everything he does for us. He is not perfect, but I thank my lucky stars I met him when I see these posts on here.
No, every normal parent totally understands that the love for your children is a different level than what you have for your partner. I'm sorry you're engaged to a narcissist.
NTA
He’s a bitch
She is an asshole not for what she did or thinks, but for how she reacted. He didn't berate her or put her down or anything like it. He was honest with his feelings, which he expressed later in private. Her dismissing this and putting him down for it is definitely nothing but asshole behavior.
He also isn't in the clear though because his bit about normal people agreeing with him is also asshole ish. But both are definitely a bit excused because one just pushed a human being out of her body. And he obviously reacted not as nicely because of her response.
Nothing that will blow over though. I doubt that this incident will last more than a few days, which they will both laugh at in a year or so.
Isn't the general idea the point of an entire part of lived experience milestone media, that people don't realize how deeply they love their own kids? Like, this is a big trope in American popular media.
What the heck
My partner was the same when we had our daughter. He said we should love our each other the same as our kids. Fast forward to 2 years later and I think he gets it now lol
Slight YTA. Not for saying it 1st time but for how OOP reacted to him sharing his feelings.
He isnt crazy here. Lots of men face dead bedrooms for rest of their marraige after child birth and wives spending all time and affection on children and conpletely ignoring husbands.
His feelings might seem weird to OOP but OOP needS to be less judgemental and more understanding.
Ryan Reynolds said it best when he was talking about Blake Lively: while dating he swore up and down he could never love anyone more than Blake but after having their first kid he’d use Blake as a human shield to protect the baby. Definitely NTA.