I sometimes ask my sister weird questions, one being, ”what do you think of gay people?” And she, (biromantic), says she only likes the ones who doesnt shove it down her throat. And idk it just feels icky. Does anybody have any tips on how I should handle it?
It's a nonsense concept. It's a phrase taken from bigots acting like they're gonna catch The Gay by seeing gay people. She's likely using it to just complain that some people are ""cringe"" for being more "stereotypically" gay and frankly, that runs completely counter to the entire point of inclusivity.
My SIL freaks out if her son touches a "girl" toy. I made a joke and told her he can't "catch the Gay" from playing with a toy. It was not received well. She like to pretend she's not homophobic. I'm not out to her.
Obviously, it's fine if someone you don't know is gay, but someone you have to see every day? That's pushing some boundaries... /s
"boundaries"! That's what my SIL called the reason why she doesn't let us see our nephews anymore. She's "not transphobic", just has a "boundary" of me, a trans person, talking to her kids. 🤷♀️🤦♀️
And i assume it wasn’t a problem before you came out?
It was not.
TLDR; My wife and I spent tons of time with, and caring for, the kids since they were born. Just before I came out, the oldest actually came out to me as non-binary (now they identify as a trans man), and i told them that I understood, that i had wanted to be a girl since I was young and that I was trying to figure myself out too. This was via text. Several months later the kid's parents, my SIL, went through the kid's phone (whatever, they were 12. When i texted the kid i always knew the parents might read them) and saw the texts and lost their shit. I got a nasty email telling me how i was "normalizing an adult talking to a child about 'sexual exploration' and putting the kid at risk". When we tried to explain that gender identity has nothing to do w sex, they screamed at us that "thats BS. Gender is whats between your legs and up your shirt". That the child coming out to me as non-binary was just a phase and i shouldn't be talking to them about it. And the parents cut off all contact w us. I was heart broken because my only intention was ever to make sure my nephew knew someone in the family understood 😞. Although we haven't seen them in over a year, we've heard through the grapevine that our (now) nephew goes by a different name and is out at school. We suspect the parents now aren't entirely supportive, but aren't fighting it. Probably thinking its "still just a phase". I always hope that I stepped on a landmine so he didn't have to 🥺
"what's between your legs and up your shirt"... Do they think that's the only difference between males and females? And that's without diving into the actual definitions of sex vs gender. That must've been terrifying for your nephew (my parents found out about my sexuality by looking through my phone) but I'm glad he's pushing through! He's allowed to shove it down their throats all he wants.
It was bananas. She followed that up by telling us that it wasn't appropriate for me to talk to the kid about gender identity and that the parents had already talked to the kid about it. And I quote, asked the child "if they wish they had a penis"..... And they think me telling the kid that I also felt dysphoria as a child is whats inappropriate?
We were so dumbfounded they were so ignorant and transphobic because my SIL is literally a "progressive" activist in our area. Though in hindsight we realized with all her activism she never once had done anything for the LGBTQ+ community.
Yes, thankfully as best we can tell from social media and such, the child is doing well. In the end that's all I ever wanted.
I feel like this kid is unfortunately learning the hard way how to hide.
For example, I'm still my uncles favorite niece. Not a niece anymore but he sees me as that and he's Qanon adjacent. Because I'm his siblings kid I do have to see him like once every few years so it's not forced but I keep the relationship because I only have him and my mom.
"Gender is whats between your pants and up your shirt" right after "StOooOOp mAkIng EVerYthInG sExuAlLlll omgggg" is wacky af
My SIL keeps most of the family from talking to my nieces- both of whom are queer and had come out to my Mother (bisexual). The stress of living under her Mother's abuse had them commit the youngest (16) to a hospital over the summer. And we haven't been able to help, or even txt. (Military family)
She's gonna be really surprised when her kid becomes an adult, makes their own choices, and it's not what she thought. This kinda ish is why no-contact is now a pop culture term; it's so prevalent.
That's actually what my mom seems to think. She gets along with acquaintances (like coworkers) who are gay but god forbid one of her children be LGBTQ.
It's a wild belief. How are you giving strangers more respect than your own kids?
Why? We have to see straight people do whatever they want as well. I personally don’t like pda but plenty of people do. If you don’t want to see it, walk away.
The “/s” on their comment means they were being sarcastic
So sorry, I actually just bent my glasses. It’s probably impairs me a little bit. Also I’m a speed reader which can be a bad thing when you don’t see certain words such as “not”. I will send this to the poster as well.
No need to apologize, it was an honest mistake:) you’re far from the first or the last person to miss an “/s”
Thanks. When I first came on Reddit I had to ask what the S meant. I called an insurance company yesterday and he asked what my age was going to be. I said it’s going to be 60 but right now I’m 59. Then he said, what’s your name going to be. I told him he sounded like I was making a fake identity lol. So, in other words, I’m getting old lol
/s dates back to the '90s. It's a play on HTML tags (specifically the closing tag) and was originally </sarcasm>, then /sarcasm, and now just /s.
Much respect to you for owning up to an honest mistake. Cheers!
Thanks. Seems easy to me. I used to work for a company where everyone would say, what are we going to tell them? The client. How about you tell them the truth. Then another company I worked for, I was told I didn’t lie enough lol
I'm only 23 but just wanted to say I relate to honesty being treated as a bad thing. I don't think it's a bad thing, though it does have it's negatives. It's still a good characteristic.
One example where following my principles caused me more trouble, was when I was in college doing a day of work experience as part of the course, me and 2 girls were delivering letters. They kept littering, and I kept picking it up. People might think picking it up makes them types of people want to do it more. Though if I didn't initially there'd be litter which they're responsible for.
Then in another sense, I have family and a friend who get benefits. The friend believes I should get the benefits he gets if he's eligible to them, since our struggles are of a similar level. The areas in which they aren't, I have something else that's just as bad if not worse. Though it seems those benefits require you to exaggerate. Yet it seems I'm too honest for that.
I have autism and so does my cousin. I literally have a muscle condition, and sometimes my legs collapse when I'm out, and my cousin has mobility benefits because he struggles with navigation. He definitely struggles with navigation more than me, but at least his legs don't collapse.. My half siblings have autism and the muscle condition also get similar benefits. Only I don’t.
I could literally say I fell in the middle of the road, but because I don't convey my worst day as if it was my every day, I don't get those benefits. I don't like the idea of wheelchairs or mobility scutters.. and I don't constantly struggle so much that walking sticks help. My legs either collapse or they don't. Though the benefits would certainly help with the increased necessity of public transport when my legs keep collapsing.
I could go into other elements that I struggle with that would make others eligible to those benefits but I won't as this comment has probably gone on long enough.
Much respect for you for owning up to an honest mistake. Cheers!
hope u can get them fixed soon :)
No worries. I was actually scared people would mistake it for "serious" anyway lol. Sarcasm runs through my blood but it's harder to show online
There’s a /s
I know right? Not in my backyard. /s
Sorry I missed your S.
So sorry, I actually just bent my glasses. It’s probably impairs me a little bit. Also I’m a speed reader so I sometimes miss important words such as “not”.
And we’re the ones that “force” gender or whatever on our children
Dog you hit the nail on the head. Its just a cringe response
I, for one, love it when gay people shove it down my throat!
Based
Damn your flair is slick
RAM IT DOWN!!!!!
Hell yeah thats what i thought of too
You found the inappropriate suggestion I wished to make. Thank you. 😉
thats my go to response as well :3
😂 guilty
Sis is jealous of all the throat action the gays are getting
"Stop putting gay things into my mouth!" - Pierce Hawthorne
Same tbh lol
Oh my (Sulu voice)
This typically means “Don’t ever wear pride colors, don’t talk about your relationship, and don’t let any gayness into your personality”
These people say that it’s ok to be queer, but what they’re actually saying is “I’m ok with you being queer, but you have to be queer in your closet.” It’s like they’re ok with it as long as it’s the level of queer they can handle. Which is LITERALLY shoving heteronormativity down our throats.
“I’m ok with you being queer, but you have to be queer in your closet” is an EXCELLENT way to put what they actually want into words
Giving me NIMBY vives
Yeah, basically "I'm okay with it as long as I don't have to see it" kinda mentality.
"I want the straights to love me!"
"I'm one of the good ones!"
... which saved nobody, ever.
Moderator removed comment
17d
Being a little older and from a rural, conservative area.. I understand it more to mean they don't want to be a target for the straights. Hate crime is worse now than it was in the 90s, from what I see. Also, watch john Stewart's hot take on corporate pride. Alot of it is to suck money AWAY from the LGBT community. For what? Fashion?? That has nothing to do with any of my orientation or even my personal taste in expression.
..aka living in the closet.
IMO, it's an extremely privileged response. People who say things in this vein about gay people usually don't have a problem with the way heteronormativity is shoved down everyone's throats, so at best, they have massive double standards they've never bothered to unpack.
Personally, depending on my closeness with someone who said something like that, I would either try to explain to them why that attitude is problematic, or I would write them off and spend less time around them.
Totally. “Shove it down our throats” is just like “water finds its own level” and “evolution is a farce”, simple phrases that get repeated word for word by people who haven’t thought about this shit enough to have their own take. They’re all direct translations of “I’m uncomfortable so I didn’t even try to understand”
they're queer-phobic, but do not want to social consequences of expressing that belief.
"shoving it down their throat" only happens in the sense that existing in a public space is apparently doing that.
"shoving it down their throat" only happens in the sense that existing in a public space is apparently doing that.
Yeah that's exactly how my mom defines it. She also refers to it as flaunting.
"I'm ok with you being gay, as long as I can pretend you aren't."
Uh, oh, you said the quiet part out loud lol but seriously, this is it. This is the point. They're "fine" with us existing as long as they don't have to see or acknowledge we exist. They want us to keep it under wraps, to never talk about it, to only be queer in private. Can't talk about your same gender partner at work while everyone else is talking about their husbands and wives, that's reminding people you're gay and thus shoving it down their throats. Can't fucking walk down the street holding your same gender partner's hand, people will see that and know you're gay which is shoving it down their throats. Can't turn down a man cuz "I'm gay and not attracted to men" cuz you've just come right out and said it, that's like the worst way to shove it down people's throats 😱😒
It's a ridiculous phrase that only exists to try to shame queer people back into the closet.
Can't turn down a man cuz "I'm gay and not attracted to men" cuz you've just come right out and said it, that's like the worst way to shove it down people's throats 😱😒
Nah, you know men find this hot and it doesn't work lol. To them, a lesbian is just a woman to have a girl/girl/guy threesome with. Even if she says she's not into dudes, that's just her playing hard to get. /s
The only actual way to get these creeps to leave you alone is to say you have a boyfriend. And even then it only works sometimes ("he doesn't have to know.").
Sorry, that turned into an entirely different rant 😂
Funny how they claim we're shoving who we are down their throats and yet have no problem asserting their cisnormativity, endosexness, and heteronormativity in our lives and force us in the closet.
Yup, pretty much
'Flaunting' is a very telling word choice.
I’ll make direct eye contact while flaunting. I’m flamboyant and living rent free in their heads is my goal.
Good answer
yup, that. in their sister's case it's internalised queerphobia, which should be questioned and deconstructed. nothing more, nothing less
"shoving it down their throat" only happens in the sense that existing in a public space is apparently doing that.
I think there's definitely some people who do legitimately "shove it down your throat" however that's got nothing to do with being queer. There's just as many, if not more, straight people who do the same thing.
Straight people do it ALL THE TIME.
I started asking “what does shoving it down your throat mean to you?” They almost never have an answer of do have one that’s easily countered. Every person I’ve asked this question stopped using that phrase in front of me
I like people who are bland. I like things that are the colors light tan or oatmeal, but never both together. Vanilla ice cream and mayonnaise are too spicy for me. I steer clear of punk rock bands like that David Matthews Band. They're too loud.
I know you're kidding, but have you heard of the sad beige mom trend? It's a legitimate thing. Women who are so obsessed with having a clean asthetic that their entire house, even their kid's room, is shades of white, cream, tan, and beige. Naked pine furniture with plain white walls and unstained wooden toys for their children. It's really, really sad.
Tradwife aesthetic
(Hope I'm spelling that right)
It’s a right wing talking pool so they don’t really know what it means. The same for BLM. They know nothing about what it really means
I’m somewhat conflicted on this. I feel like it really comes down to your question of what does that mean to them. Maybe some could have a reasonable not over the top response? The only reason my brain wants to give any benefit of doubt is because this is exactly how I feel about Christians. I’m perfectly fine and friendly with them so long as they don’t shove their religion down my throat.
You should show your sister these responses, OP. Might be a wake up call for her, but if she doubles down on her mindset, may be better to distance yourself in the future.
Yeah it’s a bs argument. Herosexuality has actually been shoved down our throats for most of human history. Be it active stuff like conversion therapy or passive messaging in mass media and cultural/ social pressure in general. Ask her for some examples of what she means. Literally anything they cite is at most, queer people campaigning for basic human rights or just just a gay kissing scene in a movie or something. It’s not like we’re going around telling people they should be gay lol; we’re just saying we shouldn’t be persecuted for our sexuality/gender identity etc.
Sorry a bit of a rant apologies for any typos
There's a few good examples, some film stuff in 2021 felt like lazy diversity pandering, let's get LGBT POC characters, not because we want to tell interesting stories, or because the actors are the right fit for the characters, but because we want to look progressive!
But for every one of those, I have a million examples of gratuitous hetero sex scenes.
Still, asking for human rights isn't shoving down throats, being excited about finding yourself isn't shoving down throats, existing in public isn't shoving down throats, teaching kids that all people deserve respect isn't shoving down throats.
My MiL said this exact thing to me, after being married to her daughter for 10 years, and being together for 23. My response is to be MORE GAY, I was not being my authentic self around her ( it's hard to hold that rainbow and glitter inside LOL) and now I'm gonna just be my gay self.
My answer is BE MORE GAY
You should tell her how for many many years the queer community has been shut down and if we were even mentioned at all it would be at an expense of a joke. I mean geez homosexuality was removed from the DSM in 1973!! It is necessary that we let everyone know that millions of queer people exist and it’s not something that is “learned” or “can be cured”.
Make her cite examples.
Cite more examples of enforced hetereonormativity.
I kinda felt that way in the past. I didn’t like people whose whole personality was being queer.
Turns out I was sad that they were out and accepted and I was in a straight relationship with a man that did not understand me, and with a family that I could never be out to.
Now I am in a loving relationship with the best girl I have ever met. I am out to a few family members and my mother still pretends that I am single and just living with a friend.
But now it is easier to like those people. Now I am just like them.
Maybe your sister has something that stops her from being able to like people like that.
"Wouldn't anyone shoving it down your throat be straight? Or are you fantasizing about trans women again?"
Hahahaha good one. Probably true. I said that to a man afraid that a big hairy man will go to the women’s bathroom to spy on them. I just said that literally has NEVER happened. So he said, yeah, but it could. Sure, in his fantasy, it could lol
There's literally nothing stopping anyone from doing that, there are no toilet police, I don't know why he thinks this would suddenly start happening when trans people get treated like humans, the toilets haven't changed lol
When people first got upset about this, I thought they have already been using the bathrooms and it’s been fine. There are tons of places that only have one bathroom or unisex bathrooms. I’ve not seen a problem with those.
Do they think the trans people are going to take all the doors off the cubicles, or...? Where do they think trans people have been peeing all this time?
And they talk about protecting kids, but we now have trans boys developing UTIs because they're afraid to use the toilet at school, so they hold it in all day and then suffer consequences to their health. Great job, "protectors".
I had a family member say this and I told them how is someone expressing who they are any different than you driving around in a 6-ton pickup truck with a 5th wheel and a gun rack and Trump flags any different? I don’t care if you’re conservative but I don’t want it “shoved down my throat” but you don’t hear me comparing about your right to do those things.
I said just because you don’t like how others be themselves others may not like how you are- it’s the same thing, so how about we learnt to accept the differences and that’s what make this place great- you can act how you want and I can act how I want and I think we can learn to accept and respect eachother right to do that. You give me the same space and freedom I give you.
It really helped them get some perspective on the issue and ultimately they agreed that this did seem like a fair way to look at things. After all - they didn’t want be told to stop “acting MAGA” any more than some wants to be told to stop “acting gay”.
They say ‘shoved down their throats’ & ‘forced upon them’.
They mean: ‘exists openly’.
If anything, it's heterosexuality being pushed down people's throats, which makes so many people not realize they're gay until years later. I mean think about it, it's so ingrained in our society. You see a man and woman walking together, you can assume they are a couple. You see two women together, you assume they are friends. So many kid's books, TV shows, everything with romantic relationships portray a heterosexual relationship. You hear people telling their kids about how one day they're going to grow up and get married and have kids.
Just because us as LGBT are pushing against heteronormative society doesn't mean we are "pushing LGBT down peoples throats", we are just starting to recognize stuff like comphet and other stuff that makes us assume we r straight
I think it really depends. I tend to counter it with something like "Yeah, I don't mind straight people either, just don't like it when they shove it down my throat". People like these are not necessarily queerphobic, so I like to see if they just dislike PDA in general, don't like when people express themselves (fun killers) or are genuinely discriminating. But it is a big warning sign, and I definitely don't discourage any heightened degree of cautiousness
This almost always translates to: "it's not safe for you to just be yourself around me because I view every part of your identity as "shoving it down my throat" and I am not patient about it."
"I totally get it, christians are alright unless they are shoving it down my throat too."
They say they lol the time, so it’s a new right wing talking point. So that means they are not thinking for themselves. I challenge them every time because I’m sick of hearing it.
Am I reading this right in that your sister is biromantic? As a panromantic I’m wondering if she’s referring to PDA. If she feels the same about all PDA regardless of orientation, she might be sex-repulsed and just wording it in a very unfortunate way. She might also be talking about people who talk explicitly about their sexual activities in friendly conversation. Asexuality is a spectrum—all the way from those who enjoy sex in certain situations to those who feel physically ill at even the mention of any sexual activity. For people who are very sex-repulsed it can be hard to navigate even friendly relationships in a society that is obsessed with sex. I’d sit down and get some more clarification from your sister. You may find that she’s indeed looking for friendships in the community but is turned off by the sometimes hyper sexualization of things. If this is the case, please direct her to the asexuality subreddit!
Ask her to detail exactly what she means by “shoved down her throat.” Ask her to explain her feelings.
I usually respond with “Yeah, I don’t like it when people shove their straightness down my throat, either.” Because nine times out of ten, the things they are thinking about that are shoving gayness down people’s throat are things they think are acceptable for straight people to do, and it trips them up holding straightness to the same standard.
A repressed group tends to appear like they are louder than “normal” when they attempt to have the smallest amount of representation. It’s a type of “stay in your lane mentality” but the lane provided is a ditch and any attempt to escape is treated as an attempt to drive other people off the road, when in fact you are just trying to get back on.
Being aware of this can be very important to seeing from the lgbt pov for someone not in the lgbt community. We’re not trying to be more happy than everyone else. We’re just trying to make up for generations of repression.
Honestly, I've got nothing against cis het people. They just should learn how to keep their cisgenderism and heterophilia ideologies private behind closed doors.
Let's see how they react to the mirror.
Honestly, your sister is full of poop and just made this statement which originates from bigotville. She doesn't even think about what people who were out and about did for them and the tolerance and options that the rest of broader society gives them.
Let's be clear: shoving gayness down someone's throat includes holding hands, kissing, wearing pride colors, acting very feminine (or masculine) compared to other members of the gender, being in a relationship at all, or basically anything that even suggests gayness. Basically stuff that I do every day without anyone commenting about me shoving straightness in their face.
In other words, they're bigots.
I just tell them to choke.
My mom says that. I always just try to ignore it as best as possible
I fucking wish gay stuff was being shoved down my throat lmaoooo
I used to say stuff like that back when I was a homophobic kid hiding from my sexuality.
Who tf is forcing these "down my throat" / "in my face" moaners to watch them have gay sex? Who?? NOBODY, that's who! Literally nobody!! If they don't want to see gay sex then they should just stop looking it up on pornhub and getting mad at the LGBTQ+ community about their confused boners.
Ask her what "shoved down her throat " MEANS to her. Get her to really define it.
And then ask her if it's gross that straight people fantasize about straight children smooching and "having babies" and acting out stereotype gender roles.
We have tons of examples of straight people " Shoving " their orientation down everyone else's throats, including OTHER straights
Just ask her to clarify what she means. She could have just phrased it poorly and could have a fair enough reason, if she is being homophobic then you can try to tell her
I think it’s a tricky situation. She is definitely using some language that could be considered a little offensive and insensitive. Having said that I think it’s almost like someone who’s religious and only talks about god it just gets old. I think there are people in every walk of life that one big characteristic defines them for example sober people who only talk about AA or political supporters who only talk politics.
It could be worth a discussion to help her fine tune the language. Or maybe she’s just a little bit prejudiced. It could be worth explaining that people who are more excited about sexual or gender identity are likely reacting to the fact that at some point the couldn’t disclose something about themselves and they are proud of their progress.
It is icky. It’s saying that visual evidence of not heterosexual affection is wrong.
Usually I joke with my siblings about that and make some dirty jokes, but when it's a serious conversation I correct people telling them nobody is shoving anything down their throats (though bigots don't have enough braincells to make sinapsis and understand information most of the time) and if anything, is us LGBT+ people who have to deal with cis straight being shoved down our throats After all, is us who have been victims of horrible tortures to "correct" us, been mocked and harrassed, have to live in secret, been shamed, and basically suffered everything just because we're not cis straight throughout history Cis straight people have always shoved "what's normal and natural" down LGBT+ people's throat, but one gay character appears in a show and suddenly we're the bad guys? Nah, someone needs to read a history book
Also her when she realizes that straight people have been doing the same thing for so long: 🫢
I feel like that saying of “yeah, I like gay people as long as they don’t shove it down our throats” is quite hypocritical, especially when there are lots and lots of shows and movies featuring a straight couple. Not only that, but most of the romance movies have the straight couple have sex for some strange reason.
Funny thing about that is if you ask these people what “shoving it down their throat” means, or to give an example, they literally can’t explain themselves.
The closest they’ll get is another complaint about us “making it our entire personalities,” but they can never explain what that means either.
Ugh, I hate this so damn much. I'm queer and living my life. I'm not being queer at you and I'm not trying to force you to join the alphabet mafia. Unless there's flirting involved, I don't care if you're "on my team" or not. I can be me and you can be you and why on the Goddess' blue and green Earth should it be any kind of problem?
introduce her to some flamboyantly gay friends. she’ll soon see she’s being dense
Shoved down my throat is a very gay thing to say 😂😂 I’ve only ever said that in bed.
That phrase sounds innocent at first and may sound reasonable to people who are neutral about the topic, but it's almost exclusively used by the kind of people who are making themselves to be supportive towards other people's choices and lifes, but in reality are extremely judgemental and don't want other's to judge them for their prejudices. The literal translation isn't "be reasonable with your queer life" but rather "act like your queerness doesn't exist, I don't want to be reminded that it does." Yah, I wonder why it feels icky.
It’s dog whistle for “existing.”
Ask her what she means by that. Continue to ask questions until she starts to squirm or has nothing else to say. She'll probably feel super awkward lmao
So grateful to see mods cleaning out the garbage cuz wtaf are some of these comments.
To those who say "I'm fine if you making being gay part of your personality but some people take it too far":
The problem is not queer people "taking it too far" but bigots who use their homophobia to try to make our lives harder. Learn the difference, people.
Newsflash "I don't mind if you talk about your gayness or let some gayness into your personality" that's already "taking it too far" for a ton of bigots. That's already "shoving it down their throats" to them.
Our mere EXISTENCE "shoves" it down their throats.
Your problem is not with queer people who are proud to be who they are. Your problem is with bigots. Redirect your vitriol.
It's a homophobic sentiment. Tell her you don't like when hetero stuff is shoved down your throat every time you watch TV or see het couples in public. See how ridiculous it sounds to her.
Then again, self awareness is a lacking trait.
"I don't like it when queer people shove it down my throat" is just Cishetese for "I preferred when queer people were invisible and I could pretend they didn't exist."
“Well don’t offer deepthroat to every gay woman you meet then.”
I think you both should look into compulsory heterosexual and heteronomativity. Not only is heterosexuality forced on everyone, straights get to talk about and joke about their sexuality all the time and no one even notices it because it's the norm.
Maybe once she understands that heterosexuality is what's being shoved down everyone's throats, she won't view queerness the same way.
i believe they were prob tryna say they don't like people who make being in the community their entire personality, and to some extent most ppl i know follow the same philosophy.
It roughly means: I'd prefer they hid themselves away.
Just tell her I don't think the gays want to shove anything down her throat. That's why they're gay 🤣
It's answers like this that sneak up on you when you least expect it and bite you in the ass. ;)
Personally, the way that phenomena manifests for me is my one roommate talks about being “gay” (she’s bi) all the time like it’s her only personality trait. Think of that tired joke about how you’ll know someone is vegan because they’ll tell you.
whereas my other roommate who is a lesbian doesn’t talk about it really at all unless it’s relevant.
Maybe you could ask your sister for clarification about what she’s imagining when she makes that statement? Do you know if she knows/has a relationship with LGBT people?
Honestly I’d just ask her what does she mean by that? Making her think of an example can make here realize how stupid that actually sounds especially given she’s biromantic. I don’t want to make assumptions here, but there might be some internalized biphobia resonating in her that makes her say something like that. I don’t think it makes her a bad person, but it’s something you two should definitely talk about
Ask her to define "shove it down her throat" and see if she can do it without just admitting that she doesn't want to see gay people at all unless they "act straight" and hide their sexuality, and point out the double standard compared to straight couples. For example, is she fine with a straight couple kissing in public, but freaks out when she sees a gay couple holding each others hands?
That’s basically code for-
“I don’t like gay people who are openly gay.”
In other words as long as gay people stay closeted and never mention being gay to them, they won’t have an issue with them.
Ask for a clarification of "shove it down her throat." Does representation of a gay relationship in a mainstream movie or TV show elicit a gag reflex for her? What does she mean by "shoving?" Depicting? Where is "down her throat?" In a show she watches? On the news? In a pride parade? At a peaceful protest?
Her word choice is problematic. She didn't invent the idiom, of course, but she is deliberately using it. "Shoved down her throat" evokes the idea of a violation of some kind. And a violent one at that. How is she feeling violated by the presence of gay people? In what way?
If she's going to use those words, she should be expected to justify them. Because there is a myth out there that equates homosexuality with pedophilia. And trans women in bathrooms with potential rapists. So if she is going to use violent metaphors to describe her feelings about gay people she either needs to back that up or find a better way to communicate her "distaste" for LGBTQIA representation.
By the way, you aren't going to win the argument. You aren't going to convince her that LGBTQIA people have as much right to exist and be visible as anyone else. Not in the course of that conversation, anyway. But you are going to let her know that "I'm not homophobic, but" is actually homophobic. And she will have to confront her own notion that she isn't .
Ask her how she feels about straight people holding handing and straight pda. Ask about does she think straight couples on tv are shoving their hetro life down people's throat. See, bigots can't be objective. They want to do the things that benefit them, but the moment other people exist who are different, they show their true colours. Now, when it comes to pride events , they same people complaining about them that it's forcing it down people throats , are the same ones who want to force all workers to say Merry Christmas instead of happy holidays. That freak out of Starbucks plain red cups that one year. They are fine with Christmas, Halloween, Easter, 4 of July, and any other holidays being in public spaces and celebrated . Homophobia will always look like this
Sounds like some internalized homophobia. I’m guessing she learned that from somewhere. Usually family or a friend group that she’s been around a lot.
But in all honesty, tell her she has some internal queerphobia to tackle.
Because we have every right to exist as anyone else but your sister is bowing down to bigoted rhetoric because she thinks the leopards won't eat her face if she does.
It gives you the ick because she's blindly regurgitating bigoted talking points out of some desperate attempt at self preservation.
Ask how she has loved straight people shoving their sexuality down everyone’s through and using their religions to discriminate, bully, attack, and even kill lgbtq people all through history. When she says they don’t. Than ask why is everyone raised to believe that straight is the default, that everyone is “supposed to be straight”. That pastors and religious doctors say lgbtq people have a disease or a mental disorder. Why is it that it’s always ok for straight couples to kiss, hold hands show affection to each other in everything including kid movies and it’s ok but even holding hands for lgbtq people can be a death ticket depending on who sees them. Why the three largest western religions and all their denominations have persecuted lgbtq people since they came to power ( those being Judaism, Christianity and Islam) remind her that being lgbtq was a death sentence with all them when they had theocractic governments with the church holding the most power. Explain how every ancient culture and religion not only talking about lgbtq but most of them accepted lgbtq people and were considered either normal citizens or played important roles in religion and society. The people who spew the gays are shoving it all in their face learn that hate from religions and other homophobes. If she still refuses to listen or even think about her own words. Than sometimes it’s best to cut family out of your life for your own good.
LGBT isn't shoved down anyone's throat.
Do you know what is?
Harry potter.
Same for 'that's your whole personality'
I feel like people who say this don’t wanna admit that they like bullying the queer kids or adults that are exploring their gender or sexuality for the first time because it’s more often than not the first people that others think of when considering someone who “shoves it down their throat”. Complete bull obviously but if it were an actual thing and the whole thing just suggests they think people shouldn’t talk about being queer which is so problematic for many obvious reasons.
Freudian slip if I’ve ever heard one.
What’s biromantic?
It’s like bisexual, but for romantic relationships/attraction
I'm biromantic and asexual 
I use their response as a way to filter people out of my life. I may tolerate those people who believe in “don’t shove it down my throat” but goddamn they are so unfunny and also have a stick up their ass. They are also not people that deserve to know who I am. That is not the energy I want to surround myself with.
"I love when boys shove their gayness down My throat"
The fact that they think we’re shoving it down their throats is hilarious because of how many religions will try to shove their religion down our throats like have you ever seen someone going door to door asking if people have heard about gay
I know gay people who wanted to drive the conversation to awkward places. They wanted that confrontation. They felt they were promoting the lifestyle and forcing acceptance by desensitization. Aggressive engagement at all cost. It probably set gay rights back 20 years. Nobody knew what to do.
This used to be the norm. It doesn’t work any more than a person walking down the street with three rifles across their back promotes acceptance of concealed carry. It just polarizes.
I suggest not letting the bedroom be your social focus. I don’t care what hetero people are doing either. You can’t insist someone care about a part of your life. Homosexuality is just one part of who you are. It’s like a gym rat only wanting to talk about muscle development with the chess team. There are so many areas of overlap.
I sometimes wonder what the gay community will do when they achieve all of their acceptance goals. I wonder if the gay community realizes that this story ends with the same sexual anonymity that heterosexuals have come to demand as the norm from each other? Don’t believe me? Imagine asking a hetero friend to discuss sex with his wife or husband. Nope.
I’m a bisexual man and I 100% agree. Talking about your sexuality/relationships when it isn’t relevant is super annoying, whether you’re gay or straight. I don’t care about my straight friends’ relationships any more or less than the gay ones.
Have you considered force feeding her rainbow cupcakes?
Sounds like she wants to be able to be entirely unaware of any queer person's sexual orientation without having to go out of her way not to learn about it. I've seen such things more than often enough. This is just stupid.
i love when my bf shoves his being gay down my throat
The phrase “Shoved down my throat“ always gives me bad vibes
Something I have learned is a straight person can no joke beat someone saying be straight and it's not shoveing being straight down ur throat but if I hold my boyfriends hand in public I am shoveing it down peoples throats
I personally don’t mind straight people as long as they’re not broadcasting their sexuality or make it their whole personality.
/s
My sister says the same thing, so does my mom. They said I can’t be queer because I want to “discuss being queer” with them. All I’m doing is communicating my comfort levels, my pronouns to remind them, and answer THEIR questions about being queer… uh???
weird.
But maybe someone did ”shove it down her throat?” and she has an actual situation she was referring to?
in my experience most people do NOT shove their gayness down others throats.
They just live. They go on their gay dates, and have their gay relationships, and gay marriages etc.
They aren’t shoving in down anybodies throat. Just existing.
Those types of people must HATE Christmas, Halloween and St. Patricks Day.
Ask her exactly what she means by that. If it is simply gay people doing the exact same things that straight people do, then she is being a bigot, and you should point that out to her.
I don't have advice, but I do know my sister described Trans people in this way.
Well if a gay guy is shoving it down her throat... Then he's actually bi.
them: "OmG, TEH GAYZ ARE IN MY FIELD OF VISION!!!!!:0!!!!
I've heard a lot of bigots say this too. For reference I live in the south so I'm kind of surrounded by them therefore I'm very familiar with their talking patterns. She shouldn't be saying this as a bi romantic person and an ally. She should never ever say it again.
But I like things shoved down my throat 🥺
I have started to point out that literally every show or movie or novel or advertisement or magazine or religion for the past idk ever maybe have been heteronormative couples being shoved down everyone’s throats. I’ll stop holding hands as a gay person in public when movies remove all romance or when they stop writing romantic novels.
It’s just this bs way for people to be supportive without being supportive. If there’s conditions on your support I don’t want it.
Tell her straight people shove their lifestyle down gay peoples' throats every hour of every day.
I understanf what she means, she couldnt care less if youre gay or straight but just dont try and make it everything about you is oh im gay this im gay that oh you dhould be gay because im gay and being gay is fun because you can do x gay thing and y gay thing
i mean if she's not into giving head that's valid^^
Suggestion for a new BINGO game each time heterosexuality is "shoved down your throat".
- Het couple ads for holidays.
- Het wedding industry.
- Most of TV/romance novels.
- Catcalling and sleazy comments.
- Hotel room bookings.
- Real estate industry.
- Het office talk
- Girls' night
- Men's trip ...
Nah. What they mean is that we should go back to being invisible so they can pretend we don't exist.
I’m sorry this is the battle you face. I don’t know how sound my advice is but perhaps ask her how she feels people are shoving it down her throat. Unfortunately, even in the LGBTQIA+ group there are individuals like this, so it may just be a thing to be aware of in interactions with her.
It’s Martha alito justifying her bigotry and fascism because there’s a pride flag in view.
I think you should stop asking your sister "weird" questions. I would be very suspicious of someone's intent who would ask this of me and would hesitate to respond (if at all).
You play “Ram It Down” nonstop around her until she stops sucking as a person. Obvs.
People like this are only cool with us when we act like sad lepers CURSED by biology or the lord or whatever with being queer. They don’t want us being proud of who we are and the community that we have built over decades.
Read: I only value the concept of equality but don't actually support it in reality. Because other people have no value and should not count if they don't adhere to my social norms and standards.
Someone close to me said something to the same effect once. We had a heart to heart afterwards and it opened their eyes to what they were saying, and become more accepting, so don't put your sister down as a non supporter yet.
How would one “shove it down her throat”? And frankly, those are the same people who say that just because something is rainbow colored, it’s automatically gay. Like, no, some people just like rainbows. Even if I wasn’t pan, I’d still like rainbows.
Remind her that it's not shoving it down your throat. What's shoving it down your throat is having parents that hate and disown you, parents that kick you out, losing friends, losing jobs and job opportunities, being harrassed, attacked, and possibly sexually assaulted, having rights taken away, having religious groups legally allowed to kidnap you as a child and take you to conversion camps where you are physically, mentally, and sexually abused, being killed, all for being gay. THAT is shoving it down your throat.
Now if we were to shove it down their throats even close to the same way they do with us, it would be: "Why are you straight?" "What would your parents think?" "You're weird for being straight" "You have to be gay" "Stay away from that freak, honey, they're straight" "I'm not hiring any heterosexual people" "You're going to hell for being straight" "Let's take away rights from straight people" "insert invasive question that they think they have the right to ask just because they don't understand being different and think it's okay to ask, and would not ask another person of the same sexuality as them these same invasive questions because then it would be considered 'rude'"
Gay is good. "IM GAY HEY LOOK AT ME IM GSY IF YOURE NOT GAY YOURE HOMOPHOBIC" is bad, and probably faking it for attention. Those people really don't exist anymore. Gay is Gay. Gay is good.
"I am homophobic but can get away with seeming like a decent human as long as all people present themselves based on societal gender standards. If I see one man wearing pink, I'll immediately begin feeling confusing dissonance, which I will channel into hatred. I pretend to be fine with queer people, when really I only respect people who present as cis-het in my presence."
Is a man shoving it down your throat because you can tell he's a man?
Is a paraplegic shoving it down your throat because you can see the wheelchair?
Is someone drinking their own glass of tea shoving it down your throat, or can you just see it?
You're in charge of what you take in. If she feels like gay people are shoving it down her throat, maybe that's because her mouth is open and she's feeling shame about it.
You ain't gotta drink tea just cause you see it, but shame often comes out in that phrase. You want that tea but won't give it to yourself.
I got into a serious conversation with a family member about this recently bc he's said that same thing before, but I always thought he was "just joking" (benefit of the doubt). I have another family member who he really looks up to that's a bit of a womanizer. I started the conversation when he randomly brought it up and kind of let him say his piece first (that part is very important). Then I explained about how there's so many people that "look" straight bc LGBT people can look like anybody else, it's just his perception that they all "look" a certain way. He responded that he is fine with LGBT people, just not the ones that make it their whole personality. So I asked him where you normally see "those gays". He said like pride parades and out in gay bars and stuff are the events where "they" come out. So I asked him about our other family member, the womanizer, and said "well, so and so is ALWAYS chasing after some different girl at the gym and you don't say that about him". Then I asked him a question to throw him off my point and make him think critically (ALSO, very important). I asked him "Don't you think that he's the same, but straight, so you don't say that about him?" He responded, "yes, but that's not fair bc he is so much more than that. That's not his whole personality". I said "yes, that is THE POINT. If you were to only know him from the gym then you'd assume his ENTIRE personality is just chasing after women and going to the gym, but since he's your family you get to see how he's a hard worker, an avid gym goer, a father, a brother, an uncle, a boyfriend, AND a bit of a womanizer. But if you ONLY saw him at the gym, you'd just assume that was his entire personality. He told me later that this conversation changed his mind on the whole thing because he had never thought about it like that.
I don't hate straight cis people. I just hate the ones who shove heterosexual and being cis onto everyone else, then have the guts to accuse homosexual and trans people of doing the same the thing to them.
Live you life. You do not have to wear your gayness the same as anyone else. The intersectionality of being black and gay has reminded me at times that gay people are just as prejudiced as the heteros. It's great to seek advice but also, just go out into the world as you are. Be kind, be fierce and enjoy your time here. 😊
My aunt used to say this all the time but mainly in 2020 when in every TV show there was a gay couple or character. Also during pride when every store has a pride flag out instead of a American. It always just gave me the ick whenever she would say it, she will say she's not homophobic but looking back I've realized that that was the most homophobic thing ever. At least she wasn't like my pedo uncle who only refer to black ppl as the n word and gays faggots or dykes.
It's just a little buzzword type phrase that bigots love to use. They've probably shovelled loads of hate content down their throats they can only parrot what they're watching. I've had it said to me, and like it's just so wild, they believe that considering what our community has to have 'shoved down our throats' via hateful groups/people.
Now that it's slowly becoming less taboo the line for what is "acceptable" in accordance to hetero-cisnormativity is still there, just pushed a bit further.
This means that all people who get to conform (like your sister who is biromantic but probably still typically feminine and not very deep into the queer social sphere) judge every else who didn't make the acceptability cut.
Tell her that Freddie Mercury is gay
I mean we did it to you guys for centuries, just tell them that
You’re just saying that cause it’s your kink. “Shoving down your throat”? Pretty gay. This is for straight people, not sure it will work on your sister though.
My bro is gay and he says the same thing so
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