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I have a feeling that your perception of yourself doesn't quite match your dating pool.
Your profile may offer a good explanation š
Sugar baby culture isā¦ interesting
Considering your post History (sugardating), your need to uplift yourself, talking down to men (one post you say men here over 40 are divorced, short & Bald).. have you tried a different approach when it comes to dating danish men?
Your salespitch sounds super cliche, boring and just out of touch (Im the whole package wah wah wah). Us danes (most of us anyway) prefer a more humble approach.
This was just for the needs of the postā¦trying to describe myself. I canāt really come here and say Im ugly and boring and donāt understand why I canāt find anyoneā¦ Idk what Iām trying to achieve here, just make my point and not ask anyone to change but just accept that I donāt fit this culture when it comes to dating and relationships. Friendships, social life and work like are great and Iām the first to defend Danes saying I didnāt have too hard time befriending them they are super friendly (mainly women), trustworthy and loyal. Most Important values.
The way you describe yourself make you seem incredibly shallow, superficial & bitter. Bitter in the sense that you keep mentioning how good of a catch youād be but you dont get chosen.
As many others already stated danish men are just different. We have other values. We appreciate other stuff than classic male/female stereotype stuff.
The reason you get bashed so hard is your inability to accept the fact that youāre part of the problem.
Stating āIām the whole packageā, actually states the opposite.
I hope you find what you are looking for. And not to be judgemental, but your post makes you sound kinda bitter. Perhaps the Danish dating mindset and you simply arenāt compatible. When it comes to long term dating, being attractive is far from the most important thing. It helps with the initial contact, but personality is what hooks guys in the long run. And I think that is what matters more to danish guys. A personality, safety and stability. Perhaps Danes are very boring in wanting it that way. Weāre also very focused on equality between the sexes, so if you, as your previous posts indicate, want a traditionally leading man, the average Danish guy will not be for you. Because we tend to prefer to be equal partners in our relationships, in the way Scandinavians consider equal. My best suggestion to you would be to look in the kink community. You might find more of what you are looking for there.
Thank you for your constructive input. Itās just that with other nationalities it clicks, here it clicks in friendships, at work as colleagues, even roommates but just not romantically the elusive āfalling in loveā I donāt push their right buttons.
Are you looking for a Boyfriend or Sugar Daddy?
See post above. Iāve been looking for love for so long and failing, hence an interest (no experience) for the alternative dating styleā¦since I seem to get more appreciation in that way :/
Although their attitude might seem wrong I think OP has a point that more so than other cultures Danes prefer to date each other longer term. The interaction of friend circles, family, roots and language is actually more important to them than they may admit.
Almost every foreign woman I met dating had the same issues dating Danes and some of them had great personalities and would have been snapped up into a relationship in any other country. However I do think that some of these women are very picky and always want to date way up which doesnāt work as well here as in other places. They donāt want a boring man but they donāt have any hobbies or interests themselves for example.
One central issue is you have to compete with danish women and there are too many attractive ones that put in the work. The foreign women Iāve dated, not all of them but many have a very high opinion of themselves and have traditional expectations while making a high salary so I am mostly turned off dating them simply because danish women are an option which are far less of a headache.
My experience dating Danish women is that they have much higher standards for what they will accept as ārelationship materialā in regard to chemistry since they are less likely to be materialistic and can survive just fine on their own . Getting laid here is much easier but getting into a relationship is much harder. I donāt see Danes as being any less superficial than other cultures though .
Waow thanks, this is the most constructive reply!! Yes all my other expats friends have run into the same issues. Really great gals! Only the Americans didnāt have issues. And itās partly bc they are extremely outgoing that personality type may mesh well with danish men. My expat friends who settled for a Dane had to settle for less. Less educated, and no passion for career, and homebody/not social, but of course the other inner qualities made up for it and made it a good mate. I really really like this countryā¦so this is the only downside. Spending my life with danish women because as you said danish women are amazing. Very high level of self confidence while humble, friendly, outgoing, smart, independent, ambitious, fun,ā¦all the qualities I look for in a man lol. Also this is the only place where Iāve heard (even) local women looking for a foreign manā¦
I think the mentality of āsettlingā is wrong because each person tries to get the best they can so as you said they are a match and most likely equal match all things considered; someone may sacrifice career for someone who is more attractive for example but you canāt have both sometimes.
If you are in your 40s then your personality will be much more important to us men than attempting to look young and beautiful because men in their early 40s can date younger if thatās what they want . Your experience in other countries may have been when you were much younger but I can tell you itās universal everywhere.
I hate to be brutally honest but you canāt be picky as a woman in her mid 40s unless you are elite yourself because most men in that age bracket who are single and attractive can and will date younger
You are right. No delusions. You canāt have it all and Iām mainly asking for a personality. Yes of course one who is in her 40s shouldnāt be as picky. I am on my A game, for my age. And I am willing to date much older than myself!! And irl I also sometimes date younger as, and Iām gonna be flamed for it lol, people think I am younger than I really am.
If you are mainly asking for personality then perhaps itās worth investing some time into a really thinking critically about your own personality and and why it isnāt attracting the type of men that you want to attract . I can tell you that there are plenty of objectively unattractive people with bright personalities dating attractive people in this city .
Itās very very hard to change yourself after a certain age, and being self aware is also quite difficult. Iām not quite there myself. People say to be yourself but there is a great deal of margin for self improvement. Itās going to be hard to get feedback from past dating experiences because thereās no benefit for the other side, the best thing is to observe your friends in healthy relationships and look at the differences in their values behaviours and interests I suppose . Some people recommend therapy but I have no experience myself with such things.
To be fair, you REALLY sound delusional and but our major vibes of grandeur. Letās be honest. If you really were on your A game , you wouldnāt have a problem attracting a guy. All my woman friends that are international have no problem getting boyfriends, but then again. They are attractive and down to earth
"Er det mig den er gal med? Nej, det er selvfĆølgelig alle de danske mƦnd!"
No letās just recognize and accept there is a cultural difference that not just me but all foreign women are struggling with
"All foreign women" lol. Conveniently forgetting the women who find they receive more respect generally as well as in their relationships compared to back home. I also know several women who came for a man, then ditched the man but kept the country. Things like not needing a husband to have a bank account are a big deal to some and worth paying their own bar tab.
How do you feel about men expecting you to pay for your own food on a first date?
It sounds like you come from somewhere where men and women are expected to conform to gender roles in order to be seen as Men or Women.
That's not compatible with most Danish men, who would prefer to be treated as People.
Having poofier hair will not get you a nicer drink. Expecting a man to pay by default or to "defend you" or get jealous if someone talks to you is going to be a turn-off. Some dudes are into princess behaviour, but most want at least some level of equality and reciprocity.
So if your flirty behaviour plays into any of that, or if after a couple of dates, you make it clear you are looking for a traditionally gendered relationship, most Danish men will dip.
P.S. Tak gutter. Jeg skal nok holde min egen dĆør og betale mine egne regninger hvis i bliver ved med at tage opvasken og gĆ„ op i mine orgasmer. šš
You mean everywhere else than Scandinavia? In my country men also wash the dishesā¦lol but yes the culture is different. Iāve tried all sorts of changing myself and taking the lead, showing interest putting myself out there with no reciprocity just a āyou are an amazing womanā¦ā and nothing. Princess, you mean men want to be princesses right? Or werenāt they complaining about feminists making their lives too hard (or too easy??) But special bonus points for your sex skills ;)
Yes, patriarchy predominates the global scene, this isn't the own you think it is. And a lot of Danish men are feminists, which seems to be one of the problems you're encountering.
You may want A man, but you don't sound like you like men all that much.
Nowhere did I mention my sexual prowess, clearly you're putting as much effort into learning the language as you are into achieving self-insight.
I meant danish men sexual prowess. As a positive. Yes i speak the language too. And been studying self development for many years. I work with men and love them. Iām in a male dominated field even.
You seem a bit superficial and come of as a bit āangryā. Maybe try change this maybe love will find you.
From this post and your post history in general, you sound like you would fit in better in a place like Dubai.
First off, we generally welcome diversity and foreigners who contribute to society but not without humility, which is something you do not even pretend to have. Add to that that you are looking for men who do not fit at all with what most men are like in Denmark and you have set yourself up for failure. Allow me to use one of your previous posts as an example:
Iām attracted to confident, successful men with a fun personality. Men who know how to show interest and treat a woman.
I have been dating for many years looking for love without any success as I canāt connect with the mindset of men here (German, Swiss, Northern Europe) they are feminine, soft, boring, passive and expect women to take the lead, charge and do everything. I can fake that for like 5 minutes and why would I? Itās a turn off for me and for them. Add to that the baggage : psychological trouble, divorces, multiple children from different mums. We donāt connect.
Now Iām physically attractive (youthful), intelligent with a career, many interests, creative, fun, have a thirst for the unexpected, a sense of curiosity and traveling the world. I am childfree, I have explored the nomadic lifestyle, different sexualities while looking like a classic elegant librarian lol.
The only ones who do it for me emotionally and sexually are the younger men (mid-late 20s) as they seem to be able to appreciate me more and we laugh, are playful, talk for hours non stop. They are also way hotter. Donāt get me wrong I also appreciate the intellectual stimulation of older men. Itās just intellectual.
So this sea of boredom / lack of potential in vanilla dating in my demographics has pushed me to sugar dating. (And thinking about my future, move abroad, hypergamy so on) But I feel though as my love life is doomed. I have friends and family for emotional support. Can anyone relate?
So you are looking for a man who is:
- Mid-to-late 20s
- Hot
- Intellectual like an old man
- Successful (I take that as meaning rich but that is, admittedly, interpretation)
- Not feminine or soft
- Takes the lead, "knows how to treat a woman"
- No psychological trouble
- No divorcees and no fathers
- Wants to travel the world and move abroad
All I have to say is:
- You have come to the wrong place. Danish men are (compared to other cultures) notoriously soft, vulnerable, feminist, and nondominant. To me, those are good things. It does not sound like you perceive them as such.
- Girl, lower your expectations
Aaaaand there it is. Thanks for digging up the receipts. We all knew there was A Certain Worldview behind this post.
Waow you must have a lot of time to dig out post history and paste it here seriouslyā¦. No Iām looking for a PERSONALITY and my own age (up to 15 years older) Young dudes are just hot and after sex. And sure they like me. But nevertheless you are right. Soft, feminists (eventhough they all complain about feminists), introverts, homebodies, sensitiveā¦and usually have a powerhouse of a woman by their side. You are right itās not for me. I have a great career (been paying my top taxes for more than 10 years) and great friends. And most of the time Iām happy with that. I also explore with kinks and that alternative scene when I want. The country is great and free like that. (Thing is a lot of danish women also want that stronger, outgoing, fun to be with successful man and often meet him abroad and bring him back)
Sounds like you are looking for disney love. You have to pay for that, just like men looking for ponografic sexual relationships.
Hahaha, this is so cringe and you are so delusional of yourself. Those danish guys are dodging a bullet.
I have a very different experience. I have a danish boyfriend and most of my (not danish) friends also have one. They like (in my opinion) funny and independent girls but also appreciate when you cook for them š but Ive also been told that they hate when theyāre expected to be the perfect guy and pay for everything since it doesnāt feel like you date them for themselves.
What you say you are isn't necessarily how other people (will) perceive you. That's up to the person you're interacting with and how you're interacting with them. Also if you're only targeting Danish men it makes you sound like you are after something specific.
I think I donāt fit their culture (for relationships) and I shall change.
I'm not sure you understand the culture either. Take the time to. Make friends with other foreigners and people from your culture who have had success dating Danes.
yeah i also want a queen, and if i cant. Its def not my fault.
Perhaps it isnāt Danish men who are the problem?
I think you should consider therapy. Youāre 45 and acting like a sugar baby. That sounds like the very definition of immature and unattractive.
Gurl!! Who hurt you? š
You could start by being less mindnumbingly boring.
OP has an issue = OP must be the problem. Haha
When "it's everyone else's fault," yes.
"If it smells like shit everywhere you go, maybe it's time to check your shoes"
Id say its impossible to get a expat girlfriend š
Ignoring the prudes attacking you for sugar dating...
What is your dating profile like? Whenever I see a post that isn't trying so hard (no description, bad pictures, etc) I swipe hard no. Descriptions that are too demanding or pessimistic, hard no. Descriptions that give the impression I have to live up to some expectations, hard no. Basically I'm only swiping yes on women that make an honest effort, describe themselves in terms of being an individual, state their goals clearly, and don't make demands of people (ie height, or "you have to x or y").
Just giving you some inspiration for why you may only match with passive trash. Be more likable.
Genuinely interested in meeting OP after this thread.
Itās one thing I donāt get - if Danes are super boring then why are you desperate to get a Danish boyfriend? Where this obsession comes from? Arenāt you worried that being fixated on this one aspect you might miss a great non danish catch?
Just date an expat
You may attack my SB posts but thatās only because I failed at dating for love normally. Iām a humble person, Iām just trying my best to describe things for the needs of this post. I know itās not coming off the best wayā¦Not make a dating profile.
Your post(s) does not portray you as being humble. Your expectations are too high. Deflate your ego a bit.
Your submission to r/Copenhagen because it is not directly related to the city of Copenhagen.
If these options don't fit your post, check out this list of Danish subreddits.