Help. The guilt is eating me.

I’m sorry, but an abuser doesn’t deserve your sympathy. Take all that energy you are giving towards that abusive miserable adult and support that kid now.

If that’s what she does with someone watching, imagine what happens when no one else is around.

If your district didn’t give you any form of handbook or professional training regarding this, go to your district website and most districts will have some section for staff regarding child safety, procedures, reporting, etc… Your state’s Dept of Education should have something available online as well. There’s basically a set of guidelines with clear steps to follow. There should be someone in your school you can talk with regarding this. Good luck

Please, please report this. As a mom of a non-speaking autistic child this is literally the stuff of my nightmares. This is what keeps me up worrying at night, the thought that someone would be harming my son and I wouldn’t know because he can’t tell me. And that those who know he’s being abused wouldn’t do anything about it.

Report what you have just reported to us.I would also speak to someone that you trust in authority at school who you trust.I am sorry this happened.🩵

I lose my patience on the daily. So I get having a bad day. This person needs fired.

Just report it. If you suspect abuse, report it.

Heres the thing. Most likely, nothing will happen. Social workers are so inundated with junkies and neglected kids, and domestic violence, they probably will just chalk it up as a poor judgment in the moment.

Sadly, thats how it happens.

But DO report it. This is how a behavior history is formed. If something did happen, and the child was seriously hurt, your report will help that case. So DO report it. Every time.

Call admin if you have any signs of bullying or violence. Have the person removed. Let the Principal deal with it. The school can advise you on how to file a DCF report. Its just a phone call.

Report her. There's no excuse for this she needs to retire.

Not directly related to the point of the post, but I’m so glad you care about that child. The amount of teachers and substitutes who mistreated students in my school life and got away with it because “she’s been through a lot” or “she’s old and it would be cruel” is astounding. You clearly have a lot of empathy for both people, but you’re making the right choice for that child, and I thank you so much for that.

You’re doing a good thing.

If you're unsure how to report, search "how mandated reporter makes a report in (your state)" It is concerning that your district or sub agency apparently hasn't provided you with training. In Pennsylvania, all people working in a school setting (no matter if district or other entity employs you) is required to train in reporting procedures at least once every 5 years. We report directly to Childline, a statewide agency that connects to local authorities. Twenty years ago in PA, you would have reported to the building administrator, who forwarded the report to proper authorities. The Sandusky mess changed PA's reporting structure in the 2011-13 timeframe.

When I was in Maryland in the early 2000s, the staff person (yourself), the school nurse, and the school counselor all separately reported to the county child welfare authorities. So every place is different.

I imagine different districts probably have different protocols. In mine, we were advised during orientation to report anything suspicious (bruising, signs of possible abuse) we see to the principal or anybody who'd get it there, and let them take care of it, since sometimes things like bruises could just be kids being kids. If it's something serious and there's no room for doubt that abuse has taken place, report it to the school but also let them know you'll be calling CPS or whatever the appropriate authorities are. In severe cases, just bypass it all and go straight to the police. It may be wise to check in and see what the protocols are for your district.

Definitely report it. How did the other kids react? That may be a clue to whether she has done something like this before.

I'm glad you're reporting.

I'm autistic myself, and somebody grabbing me (aversion to sudden unwanted physical touch), making eye contact with me (feeling somehow cornered), and screaming at me (loud noises) would absolutely leave an impact on me that could last a lifetime. I would no longer feel safe in the environment where the screaming happened.

I thankfully haven't been screamed at much when I was a kid, but I vividly remember the few times that I was. Those few times genuinely follow me for the rest of my life — and I hadn't even been grabbed or forced to make eye contact like that child was. (I was spanked once, and that incident follows me similarly, though.)

All I learned from those incidents was to fear the adults who were supposed to keep me safe and be on my side.

Thank you for reporting and sticking up for those who might not be able to stick up for themselves.

I have toddler family members who are on the spectrum. They try their best but cannot communicate and do not experience the world like we do. I would be at the school first thing the next morning if someone treated them that way. It is not okay. Absolutely not.

You absolutely need to report and never mind her livelihood. She made her choice and you need to think about the life of that child. I too would have been frozen in fear and not know what to do in that moment but as soon as I was out of there report, report, report.

It’s heartbreaking to have to witness something and report, I had to do it already in my first year.. I know I felt sick afterward worrying about the student’s wellbeing, so I am thinking of you as you navigate this! She had no reason to grab that student. She is old enough to know better. I wouldn’t feel bad doing your due diligence. Some people think that they can get away doing that stuff with subs. You’re doing what’s right in reporting her.

Fill in admin as well, they can often get missed in the ladder of reporting but they deserve to know what is going on.

Please report her. I have an autistic boy and the thought of this makes me nauseous.

I just finished my mandated reporter training yesterday. A reasonable suspicion is all it takes to report and this case seems beyond.

Do it! Be the voice for that child!!!!!

In my school district we had an aide on a school bus (not the driver) who had been physically abusing nonverbal students for years and no one had noticed until one of the kids he had hurt, turned out he actually could speak, and spoke to his parents just fine and that's how it got discovered

Tell the parents!!! Even if you report it you KNOW nothing will happen. You have a responsibility to protect that little boy and if the parents are aware they can escalate appropriately. This is outrageous, who knows how many people have turned a blind eye over the years and how many children this woman has scared and abused.

And make sure you follow up on it and that they take it serious and don’t ignore it!

Hey thanks for posting this!! Something similar happened to me this past week in a K4 classroom!!!!!!! Literally almost identical to yours, and I’ve been wondering if I should report or not. Guilts been eating at me so hard. It’s so hard to grapple with because both teachers can otherwise be so caring and sweet to the kids. But regardless, abuse is abuse. Going to report to district as well as DHS. THANK you!!!!!

I had to report two coworkers at my former job for almost the same thing. I reported them to CPS and then my boss. Coworkers were pissed but they aren’t hurting kids anymore.

I don’t care what she has going on. I’d report her to hell and back. I’d send an email to the principal so there is written documentation.

A lot has already been said, but to be clear you are never ruining someone's life by reporting their abusive behavior. They made the choice to be abusive. If anyone is ruining their lives, it's them.

How does one grab a jaw? Did this aide or others go towards the child afterwards or rest of day?

I am curious how you know her age and how you knw she clearly does not like her job/

Report it straight to whatever child protection agency your government has. Sometimes mes, with long term employees, schools may look the other way. Especially SPED.

(My autistic nephew once came home with a footprint on his back. The school did their damndest to cover it up. It took a year to get that witch out of the classroom.)

Mandated reporter.

https://www.childhelphotline.org/

Every thing you said was a reason to turn her in ... even the fact she is 80+ and doesn't like her job ... the only reason not to is because maybe she is having a bad day. Not sure that is a very good reason

You must report her and glad you know that. It’s a huge burden on your shoulders. But she simply must be held accountable for her actions. I hate it for her. But risking children is too important not to report. Update us on how it goes!

I was a teacher and while I felt a lot of guilt when I had to report a parent, I felt zero guilt when I had to report educators who were abusing kids in some way. If you haven't called the principal yet, do so.

I wonder if the aide has dementia, given her age and behavior. I had to get a sub fired because he said really racist and anti-Semitic things around/to the kids, and based on what I learned about him, it's likely he had dementia. He really shouldn't have been around kids, and the aide shouldn't either.

Pleaser don’t feel bad about telling someone. My son is nonverbal and I worry nonstop that he will be abused and not be able to tell me. You’re going to be the hero in this kid’s life. I’m so sorry they put you in this position!

It’s not your job to feel bad or care about the adult acting like this be crossing a line. It’s your job to protect the babies who can’t protect themselves!

Police non emergency line to get a report started in case the child was injured and so parents knows exactly what happened (you don't want to get the blame down the road), Google child services in your area, then after reporting go to principal and say that you need to make a mandated report and ask how to do it... Make them tell you how before you tell them what happened. Do the report the way the principal recommended also then tell what happened and make sure everything you say is written down

It’s really hard when it comes time to actually report something like that. But you’re 100000% doing the right thing! A lot of people see these things and turn a blind eye. But like you said it’s your job to protect the babies.

Good for you for speaking up about it. I hope that lady gets fired, regardless of her situation at home. Abuse is abuse.

Babies=plural=many.

I hope you reported this directly to the principal as well! This is never okay!

You are the voice for this child. In the future, it needs to be reported immediately and the administration should have also have been notified right away so they could pull this person out of the classroom as it is being investigated.

I am not judging. I am a dementia RN and have had a similar situation happen with an older adult—I waited until the end of my shift to report when it should have been reported immediately. I learned from that experience and hope you learned from yours.

Guys I’m on the phone with them now I reported it! they are going to investigate.

she's had 80ish years to do better and she's still like that? absolutely the fuck not.

Personally, I would have reported to the admin as well so they could roll the cameras back and have grounds to fire her. They would have to notify parents (They need to know)
Is this child verbal? What about the other kids in the class? Surely they will go home and tell their parents what they witnessed. Not only does this lady need reported and fired, but you need to cover your butt as well. Kids talk, and you never know what some might accuse both of you of doing.

HOLY SHIT.

I'd like to say that I would have stepped in right away, but I don't know if I'd have had the courage in the moment.

But holy shit, I'm behind you 1000%. That aide has no fucking business being anywhere near a child again.

You don't need to feel guilty. If it is the first report, it may not end in termination. It's not up to you to decide the outcome, it is up to the people trained specifically for that. However, have a friend or loved one on dial for afterward because it can bring stuff up personally for which you may need support.

Maybe this will be helpful. When I was teaching, if we decided we needed to make a report we would walk directly to our admins office and say “I need to make a report to CPS/DHS”. We were not to even discuss what we thought needed reporting with anyone other than the officer we spoke with, because it is for the department in charge to decide if it warrants investigation or further action. I would suggest adopting this line of thinking, “it’s not my job to determine if this requires further action, that is the job of DHS (or your service in your state),” if you plan to continue to teach. We are mandatory reporters. We must protect children. Where I live, calling the next day can get you in trouble. You must report the moment you think “I need to report this.” Please also consider getting counseling for yourself, if this is something that ends up feeling much bigger to you. Reporting is hard but necessary.

THANK YOU!! A lot of times subs feel like they are not really in charge or responsible and that they should “stay in their lane.” Your lane is those kiddos!! Whatever is going on with that aide is her problem and she needs to find another job.

I wanna know what happens to the aid and if the parents of the child wanna sue her cause that could be abuse or child endangerment if she’s grabbing the child like that

It is your job to protect the babies, and thank you so, so much for taking it seriously. <3

Honestly, if you have to ask, perhaps you should reconsider subbing altogether.

Abusing special needs kids or any kids is a felony. She physically assaulted him. Would you rather lose your job because of fear or be the person that little boy can look up to in the future?

Unfortunately this isn't a CPS issue. They would only get involved if there's abuse occurring by a caregiver in the home.The staff member needs to be reported to HR and your job should handle this. CPS can't take any action towards one of your employees and the parents had nothing to do with this, do they even know? If a PARENT isn't abusing, neglecting, or failing to protect a child then CPS cannot take any action. (Former CPS social worker) you absolutely can still report but just FYI, don't get upset at CPS when "they don't do anything" since there's no course of action they can take to become involved in this situation. Please contact the appropriate parties so the issue is resolved and not just evaluated out by CPS.

My background is in child welfare and I work in a SPED classroom now. I worked in family reunification and I have experience taking reports and investigating. You can choose to discredit what I'm saying but it doesn't make it untrue, at least in California but maybe different states are vastly different and they do substantiate abuse with non-family members. It'd be interesting to see how that's handled in Dependency Court given that a staff member has no custody of the children they work with.

I have a non-verbal 7yo. They would never be able to tell me if anything like this would ever happen. You're a guardian angel for having the best interest of the children. And if I ever heard anyone doing this to my baby.. to the full extent, every resource will be used. I hope the child is alright.

Talk to your principal

You’re a piece of shit if you don’t report.

You are a mandated reporter it’s literally illegal for you not to and the child will suffer.

Please suck it up and report the abuser.

She can be a Walmart greeter. Report her for sure.

Hi there! I just wanted to let you know, I'm a Special Ed Assistant/Aid and we all know not to touch a child, any child, with that kind of violence and attitude. I'm glad you reported that. If I ever saw a colleague of mine behaving that way with one of our kids, you can bet I'd be raising hell.

You’re wasting your time here and you need to deal with that shit immediately next time. Call the office and explain right away. Don’t be a wimp. Spaz every now and then. Especially if an adult puts their hands in a kid. You might need to find a different profession.

I'm not in this sub, it was just recommended to me. I'm an aide at a high school. I take my job and the safety/wellbeing of my students VERY seriously. Do I have bad days? Do I get frustrated sometimes? Sure, we all do. But what she did is COMPLETELY unacceptable. We are the adults, we are capable of taking a step back and taking a deep breath if need be. What happened is NOT your fault. You were not the one to grab that child, you were not the one who yelled in his face. You already know you need to report this, so I won't harp on that, but what I will harp on is for you to please please please take a night to yourself this weekend and take care of yourself, okay?

Call. Call immediately. It doesn’t matter who cares and who doesn’t. It takes one person to save a child. Be that person.

That kid isn't the first she's done that to, hopefully they'll be the last.

Build on that fire in your belly to protect YOUR kids ,let that fire burn hot and high when it needs to. Be a lioness protecting her cubs, be the Momma Bear for me when I can't be there. I'm trusting you to protect my child from any harm when he's in your care.

As a mom, I'd feel better with someone who'd stand up for my boy when he couldn't stand up for himself.

As a mother of an autistic preschooler in public school thank you for reporting it

Stay out of it. Nothing good can come of your involvement into what is likely to be a long+-standing issue.

What is there to feel guilty about? Like genuinely? Where even is the conflict? Someone is treating kids wrong. You report it.

It makes me pretty ill to read that a mandated reporter is feeling guilty about reporting actual child abuse that they directly witnessed in their fucking classroom.

Thank you for reporting it

Update?

Bad people dont deserve sympathy

You should have reported to school admin that day. Most schools don’t want staff or subs going around them to make cps calls

I worked as a parapro for an autistic kiddo. We had plenty of disagreements on whether or not he needed to be completing work. Not ONCE did I grab that child by the face. Not even when he was biting me did I grab his face. Not ONCE did I scream at him (except to stop when he was eloping and it was a safety concern). Not even when he screamed at me.

This woman needs a new job.

One day this kid is going to be big enough to fight back and he will. And she is going to regret the times she made him feel little and out of control. And he’s going to take it out on lots of other people, too. It’s a huge problem.

Talk to administration. My daughter, once in elementary school, saw an aide push a child away from her, and it disturbed my daughter enough to tell me. So i went to the principal. He was upset that kids had seen it but knew exactly what had happened. The student was hurting the aide, and the aid was removing the kid from her body. But all my kiddo saw the end. That particular aide had been with the same student for years and really loved him, but he was being aggressive and no educator has to take being assaulted.

Fuck her there should be no guilt. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how shitty your life is, you don’t scream at children like that especially not a young child with autism.

You do not need to report anything. Who cares?

I am on the spectrum and I also worked as a substitute spec ed aide for an extended period of time. I can understand first hand the frustration one could experience but that is no excuse to touch a child. At my university, they taught us to NEVER touch a kid for ANY reason.

I recently came across a video explaining that our responses to situations stem from 1 of 3 sectors of our brain. We respond with either the survival, emotional, or logical part of our brains. This aide seems to be responding from the emotional brain, not thinking logically about the implications of their actions and how this will impact the child.

It takes a village to raise a child they say. I remember reading about how in the 90s, telling parents to let a kid "cry it out" was a way to reduce baby shake syndrome due to parental frustration. Nowadays, it's a matter of asking for support in others to care for the child as the frustrated parent can separate themselves for the safety of the child. I think this can be applicable to any caregiver of children, including teachers and aides.

Hey there! One of the reasons it’s called “Mandated” reporting is so you are not given a choice, and should have ZERO guilt about it. The choice is not yours to make, and therefore you cannot do anything morally-ethically wrong (except fail to do your job). The consequences of the report are not yours. I know it is hard, but just remember that is why the law is set up that way - to relieve you of responsibility and guilt! Thanks for protecting the little one!

You have to put away those feelings aside. It's what I struggle with most as a sub but you just have to do it.

I’m proud of you.

I do not understand what you feel guilty about?

I have a close enough relationship with the superindent that I know I could just go talk to them. I would inform the school. They can respond the fastest. Failure for them to investigate could result in a lawsuit, so normally, they take things seriously.

Definitely made the right call as the parent of neurodivergent child who I would say marches to the beat of her own drum I’d be grateful to know you reported it and hopefully got that woman away from my kid permanently. That kid be going to school terrified and if this is on going it’s probably hurting the kids ability to learn and focus…

don't feel guilty about the abuser, feel guilty about that sweet child.

Can’t abuse it if it’s not real

I have lots of bad days and I’ve never abused a child.

Why did you not immediately report Atleast to the principal!?

Please think of that child and act as their advocate as you are required! Not wait until it upsets your tummy enough

Some people would disagree, but I sub for elementary (2-5) and bring jolly ranchers and stickers and pencils and bookmarks and bribe the shit out of them (I have asked the school for blanket permission...) Then, I usually (unless they have been super, extra naughty) give a jolly ranchers to everyone who is doing their work quietly. Then, I go around the classroom toward the end of class, and I give a sticker to every kid I spot doing the right thing, and make a big deal in front it in front of the class about it.

This said... I am doing this as a part-time job, and money isn't an issue for me. It's more about getting out of the house and helping with my depression... so if you can't afford to do that, don't stress. They also love smelly stickers.... but like i said, I only know what works for grades 2-5, but they love that shit. It is sually enough to get them to behave for the day.

Also... if they are super naughty when they are supposed to be working, I make them spit their jolly rancher in the trash.

Start with the admin at your school if you don't know who to report to!

I don't know why you didn't intervene right away and get that little boy away from her.

If you understood the training, you would know you have to report. Yikes.

You may be better off calling the police. They will respond more quickly than DHS and it sounds like she is a danger to students.