Throwaway because I’m so so embarrassed that I let it get this far…

 

I (27F) met Gus (25m) in the spring through mutual friends. Instant attraction. We flirted for a bit, until finally asked me out a few weeks later. I just want to say that OUTSIDE the bedroom, Gus was perfect. He was funny, smart, and caring. The whole package.

 

We waited a month before having sex, Our first time was amazing. Five stars. Things started getting a bit rough a couple weeks in. He would throw me around the bed. I didn’t mind at all. The sex was still great, and again, outside the bedroom, Gus was still the same sweet, funny guy.

 

One night we’re lying in bed naked. Gus looks at our intertwined bodies, and he looks at me. I’m thinking he’s about to say something super sweet. Instead, he comes out with, “You would’ve been my slave 200 years ago.” Y’all, I froze. I’m black. He’s white.  He said it so quick and with a straight face, I almost didn’t think I heard him right. He saw my WTF face, so he asked me what was wrong. I asked him if he really just said what I think he said, and he tells me that he has no idea what I’m talking about?? We go back and forth for a bit with me saying word for word for what I THINK he said, and him denying that he ever said anything. I eventually give up because maybe I did hear it wrong. Sometimes people say stupid things after sex. He didn’t say it in a jokey way, just a factual manner, so I let it go.

 

Fast forward a few days later, and we’re volunteering. Gus’ Mom is on the board of a transitional housing place, and Gus volunteers there. Fucking adorable. It’s my first time, but I’m excited. They put me on gardening duty even though I tell them I haven’t touched a piece of soil since my Grade 6 been plant competition, and that I’d be much more comfortable in the kitchen. Apparently, the kitchen is for seasoned volunteers, so I’m sent to the garden. Gus sort of drifts everywhere, but when he comes out to the garden, he’s got his work face on. He was very stoic and serious. I noticed that the water jug was empty, so I took it to the kitchen to get refilled. Apparently, that was a no no. Gardeners aren’t allowed in the kitchen. Gus had a big laugh about that, and we carried on.

 

We go back to his place later on. I’m tired, but I’m still down to have sex. I follow Gus in the bedroom, and I guess he notices my fatigue because he says, “you’re tired because you’ve been working the fields all day.” I’m like, “mmm yeah”. I think that’s the end of that, but he just keeps repeating, “you’ve been working the fields all day, you been workin’ the fields” with his grammar getting slightly worse each time. Then he starts talking about my kitchen mishap saying things like “you know field hands aren’t allowed in the kitchen because you been workin’ the fields. I’m just nodding along because this is all true, but I’m wondering what this has to do with sex.. He stops long enough for me to get into the mood, and then we’re having sex. He’s mumbling, which he does when we have sex. One of my exes used to speak in tongues before climaxing, so I really don’t care that Gus mumbles. Except this time, I swear I can hear him repeating, “you’ve been workin the fields all day, you’ve been workin the fields.”

 

Two weeks later, Gus surprises me with a trip to his family’s cottage. I’m excited, and we plan to go that coming weekend. We get there late, so we go straight to bed. I got ready for this trip. I got my hair done, and it’s looking great. Gus comments on it, and I say teasingly, “don’t touch.” He knows not to really grab my hair. Anyway, we’re going at it again, but I don’t know, something’s different. Gus is a bit louder—no mumbling---and I can clearly hear the words coming out of his mouth. He’s saying, “tell me I’m your master” and “you’re my property” and I’m thinking, what the fuck??  The final straw was him grabbing a handful of my newly done hair and PULLING it with all his might. He pulled my fucking hair. Time stopped.  I finally came to my senses. I threw him off me, got up, and started putting my clothes on. He’s shocked. He’s asking if somethings wrong. If he did something wrong, and I flashback to that first night where he’s telling me he didn’t make that comment about me being his slave. Then it all clicks into place, and I realize that I’m hours away from home with a man who is into race play. Slave race play. So, I faked sick. I told him that I was feeling ill and I needed to get home right now. Luckily, I never unpacked my car, so I’m sort of jogging backwards to the door while keeping one eye on Gus who’s following me telling me to stay. I reach my car, and I bolt out of there. He’s calling me, and I guess he told our mutual friends, and they’re calling me, but I’m still in shock.

 

I take the rest of the weekend to think about this whole mess. My friends and Gus keep texting, and I keep telling them that I feel like shit (true). The following Tuesday, I text Gus to meet me somewhere public. I’ve got my cousin waiting in the wings just in case something pops off. Gus looks a mess when I see him. I almost feel that I’m about to make a huge mistake, but I push through. I break up with him then and there. He’s inconsolable. He keeps asking why, and so I relent and tell him that I’m not nor will ever be into slave race play. He looks at me like I have two heads, and he gives me this disgusted look and goes, “neither am I?”. WTF. I got up and left after that.

 

 

My friends start texting me a few hours later. I guess Gus told everyone about the breakup. We convene at my house, and I lay down everything that happened. I expect them to be on my side, but they’re not. Jane, one of my oldest friends, calls me an asshole. Other friends agreed. Apparently, I kink-shamed Gus? Jane told me that I’ve “Yucked his Yum,” and that I shouldn’t have broken up with him over all this. So, reddit, am I the asshole?