So have you sat down with your husband and asked what he wanted to do about this situation. Like have you had an indepth conversation going over all these points to him specifically. Because you cutting her off essentially means him cutting her off as well. Because you dont want her around your potential kids for good reason. She will not take that well. Like overall NTA but you shouldnt be the one dealing with this your husband should be the one. His wife is getting called a wh@re and they are making racist remarks. No good husband should stand for that.

Like I know you already said he hates his mother and wanted to move states to get away from her. Maybe it is time for him to fully go LC or NC with her. Maybe help him draft up a letter or text message (since he wont have the guts or will likely get talked over if it was a phone call) with the jist of this post but from his own words. Add in, since you dont respect him or OP that we will stop hanging around and coming over for events. You will not be invited for future events and probably wont be notified if you ever get pregnant. That her behavior even before you two were together was unacceptable. And this is the consequences of that.

NTA Look I usually say violence is wrong. But against someone who has been abusing you and your mother for years ... well I got no sympathy for your dad. Its not like he is without options for getting help. Its not like being a good father who does not take his anger out on his family is hard. He is choosing to not get help because he can take out his frustrations on you and your mom. You need to fight back and make him feel small like how you did, like how your mother did. That is the only way for him to learn and become a better person. It sounds wrong and it sounds like the worst way to go about it (which objectively probably is correct). But some people just dont learn until they face the real consequences for their actions.

Whilst the best course of action is for him to get into some sort of anger management course and therapy. You cannot literally force him to do so unless he gets arrested. Hopefully you can move out soon and you dont have to deal with your parents anymore (as much as your mother is innocent in all this... its not like she had no choice either, it was a much harder choice albeit. So its harder to hold it against her).

But no you are not an asshole for standing up for your self. You might be a slight AH for the whole reason the argument started (smoking in your parents house who is a recovering weed addict probably is not the best move in the world) but that was a coping mechanism so I cant really judge you too hard on that. Your dad needed to see that he cannot bully you anymore. Plain and simple. And everytime he tries to lay his hands on you I would do the exact same thing. Though the only thing I would do different is grab something which is easier to record quickly with. Even its just an audio recorder. And learn how to turn it on very quickly so you can capture him being abusive and an AH just incase you ever need evidence.

So no mention of the signage showing you how to get through the TSA check? Like I get flying can be frazzling but in all my years I have never been to an airport where the rules for the TSA are not in full view of everything like I could not zone out (I should note I do tend to zone out when I am stressed but there is nothing to do about the stress) without seeing one. And the lines for TSA generally are pretty long so you have to be ignoring them the entire time to be confused at the actual agent.

Tbh I can kinda of get why the TSA agent was rushing you along. They have to get through a tonne of people who are in a hurry to catch their flight. And there are signs clearly posted for all the instructions. I am sorry he yelled at you because that is not how to help someone like sure there are signs. But if someone said they dont know what to do they should atleast walk you through it. But idk there is also some personal accountability there.

NTA Like from the title I thought this was going to be a preachy story and it was going to be a Y T A. But you were just doing your job. You are not legally allowed to serve drinks after the bar is closed. Whilst you did make a joke, thats not being rude. The customers were being pushy and wanted you to do something which legally you shouldnt be doing.

NTA All you need to have said was your MiL was and still continuing to talk bad about you infront of your children. That is not acceptable in any world. Here is a simple way for you to put it so your husband can understand it. "Your kids have eyes and ears and can hear and understand what is being told to them. And what is being told to them is essentially that you are worthless. That talking bad behind someones back is fine and good because grammy and grampa do it. That it is ok to belittle their mother. That lying and hiding the truth is fine so long as noones feelings get hurt overtly. These are not the lessons you want to teach children. These are not the role models you want around your children either."

That is not touching on the blatent disrepect to your own family or to you. That is not touching on the fact that she tried to manipulate her grandfather against your husband and his little sister. That is not touching on the fact that they have iced you out for multiple years. That is not touching on so many facts. And just focusing on the effects on the kids. I would vocalize all those other aspects as well but mainly focus on the kids. And how you want to raise them.

NTA See I was understanding part of your GF PoV up until you said stuff about the horn and bottle. Like police see the absolute worst of homeless people so it is hard to get past that, which is understandable. Like the ones she are dealing with are likely violent and actually drug addicts. But going so far as abuse and bothering homeless people who are just trying to get by is just stupid. Like I agree with you we dont know what lead them to that point. Though nothing justifies theft or robbery (of regular ordinary people) and your GF just had her shoes stolen the other day so I understand her extra rage. But like going out of her way to disturb people who are just trying to get by is wrong.

NTA Your priorities are in the right place. Like your father knows what he did and still invited him. I hoping so he doesnt appear to be un-neighbhorly. But he could truly just not care what the neighbor did since it didnt affect him. I am not a fan of people like that in general. Abuse is so much more far reaching than the people affected by it. And abusers do not deserve to be accepted back into the community they commited those deeds in. Now I am not saying people cant rehabilitate. But those memories are still there. And they are a painful reminder of what they did. When your in a situation like that it is best to just change location and start a new life and change your ways. Rather than being a constant reminder.

NTA If he is undergoing such a drastic change he really need therapy. And the wedding really needs to be put on hold. Think about the future is this how you want your entire life to play out. Though if he is a good man in general, giving him some time to fix what ever is going on is the right way to go about it.

But more than anything tell him crying after being refused sex is emotional manipulation. There are times you are just not into sex and that is ok. That he needs to stop taking everything so personally because even you have things you are going through.

Like the validation is good to a point. Being part of a relationship means dealing with struggles like that. But when it is to the point of crying when he is rejected for sex or throwing tantrums because he thinks his food is not good enough, it is out of control. You might be over validating him and he likes that so he plays into it (though there could be 100's of things going on in his mind). Like dont get me wrong validation is an important part of marriage. And wanting to make sure your partner is good is a good thing. But there is a limit to everything.

I mean the procedure is along every single wall, television monitors, pamphlets, websites and corridor of most airports. Its not something which is esoteric and weird. And did the dude actually yell?

Generally if you treat people with respect they will give it back to you. Atleast thats what I find. I have never been yelled at by TSA even though I am the profile for it especially back in the day (Tall, big, big bushy beard, brown, doesnt smile, at that point usually wearing like old as hell clothes cause they were more comfortable but also kind of made me look like a hobo etc). Hell once I accidentally went through security wearing steel toed boots. And thought I was going to get tazed (this was like a year after 9/11 so I was super nervous in airports in general) but I just explained that I forgot I was wearing them and offered to switch the shoes. The agents didnt care less and tbh were more interested in where I got them cause they were sneaker style steel boots which were comfy as hell.

NTA Tell your mother she can replace the money which was stolen or you will talk to your brother. Mental health is not an excuse to steal from someone else. Nor is it an excuse to be violent or refuse adult conversations. I think you should have the conversation anyways because stealing is not right. But 100% I would get the money back one way or the other.

Though this is a good lesson for you. If you are keeping a safe stash of money make sure it is in a safe place ONLY you know about. And make sure it is not in the living area of someone else.

Info: How does you husband feel about the falling out. Have you had a deeper discussion with him and is he on your side in all this? Because regardless of anything else that is fairly important. Note this does not disregard your own discomfort or anything. But cutting off a parent is a fairly huge thing and he might be struggling mentally due to that.

But overall I would say NTA. You laid out expectations and everything clearly and she refused to listen. And refused to have common sense. To be honest she is just lucky she was even in the hospital room at all. I am a man so I dont really know all the emotions which are running though your head. But I would not be putting up with the blatant disrespect and disregard by my mother. The stress she put you under put you in the hospital. I would absolutely be livid at her, and that is an understatement.

Yes she has mental problems but its on her to manage them its not on you and your husband. Maybe next time if she is ever allowed to come back to your house (which I would support a no but marriage is about two parts and all). I would send her a written list of rules and expectations like she is a child. Include that breaking these rules will result in her not being welcome in the house and specify a period until she can try again. And get her to sign them. Dont tell her them in a place she can ignore or talk over. The point of the signature is not so that it is legally binding or anything but so you have proof she atleast pretended to read the list and is expected to abide by them. But actually get it written down so you have something to refer back to when she gets offended that "x" isnt happening or that she is not allowed to invite guests over.

No he messed up reconciliation by still being with his AP. She was never attempting to reconcile after the first one. Did you not actually read the OP like this quote right here "Holidays came and I was feeling sad about the family apart so I told him we can start doing things with the kids to see if we can organically grow something but I wasn’t wanting to reconcile or take him back." at what point did she want to reconcile then. He did but she was done. OP does not have to stop dating her boyfriend just because the AH wants her to. Just because it is now something to chase because she told him no.

She was trying to organically grow a healthy family unit. That does not mean getting back together with the person who hurt her. Its just making the kids feel comfortable during the holidays and setting up a good co-parenting situation.

NTA but next time he even insuiates something like "He felt like I was just trying to be a family without working on things and having some guy on the side, I was leading him on, then started blaming me for our family being broken because I wouldn’t just give him one more chance and leave this new guy. That I was more invested into him than doing what was best for the kids." I would just say "Oh you know like how I had to catch you in an affair. Which you said you would attempt to work on the family. But then you decided you couldnt live without your actual side piece. We are no longer together and I am with someone who (hopefully) respects me, thats not a side piece. That is a boyfriend whom I like. I told you from the start that I attempted to reconcile too many times and the trust was completely shattered. Just because we started doing things as a family again does not mean I want you back. You should be doing these things for YOUR kids rather than in some attempt to win me back. You only want me when you cannot have me. And I will not be putting our children through another divorce and constantly being shifted through living situations."

But most of all you did not ruin your family. You gave him more than enough chances to repent. Hell one was laready more than enough. And he still chose not to. He is living with the choices he made and is now trying to guilt you either because the AP left him or because this is a new "chase" he will eventually get bored of.

Without more info on the argument I would have to say YTA depending on the contents of the argument it could switch to N T A (like for example if they admitted to R*ing someone then even if they are not threatening that is still a worry and I understand not being comfortable around them). They are old friends with you who are not being loud, belligerent or threatening. It was 4 am and you were both drunk. And he was in a city he was not familiar with. You are the grand daddy of assholes if the argument was not over something violent/disgusting.

Like regardless of what ever else. They are an old friend of yours and you kicked them out into a dangerous situation where they basically have to sleep at the train station that night. That is something only bad people and AH's do. Unless there is a specific actual reason and the friendship broke down before even going to the apartment.

Info: Ask your aunt why she is angry. And then ask her if she would let someone stronger than her (like your dad or mom) drown her repeatedly and see how she reacts. If not she has no place to criticize you. You did nothing wrong. That the normal reaction when you are being attacked. Your sister really needs to learn boundaries and acceptable behavior. Because at 12 that is not acceptable behavior.

NTA To be honest I wouldnt think your the AH. For blasting him on social media for stealing money from you all those years ago. Like I would clean the record about literally everything. But the high road is just not allowing him to come and having a good life. You dont need to talk to him and it seems like talking to him brings nothing but negatives.

NTA You are not the AH. Your parents are just insane. Tbh I support you going no contact with your family if they are only bringing pain and strife into your life. You do not deserve that. Yes everyone messes up a little bit but if its only a little bit then thats fine. Definetly does not deserve 6 hours of screaming. I would write up a letter and just drop it off at their house one day. Something along the lines of (note this is a skeleton so rewrite it in your own words).

"Hi,

This is just to inform you I no longer want anything to do with this family any longer. I have never been treated with respect or dignity so I will not be returning any at all. When I was a child I always hoped things would get better. That my parents would actually want to do things with me. But I was always put on the back burner for sister. I would suggest things like watching tv and Dad would straight up ignore me. And mom would atleast attempt and then ALWAYS bail on the plans which I dont know if that is better or worse. Atleast she made an effort.

Since I moved to the dorms things have been ramping up entirely. Being threatened that I should stay at the dorms for Christmas does not sit well with me. I am just going to leave a quote from dad here "My dad was very angry and asked if I could stay at the dorms over Christmas break. I told him I didn’t know, and he said it might be wise to figure that out." [note I left what you wrote but if you have the actual quote that would be better]. And then after that conversation you kicked me back to the dorms during Thanksgiving. Never messaged me once. And then berated me for not joining Thanksgiving dinner. To be honest I think the only reason why you got angry is because you realized you looked bad that your son wasnt joining you.

And then lets get to the Disney trip. I thought we finally recovered from the hump we were on. You were starting to treat me like an adult, with some respect. So I softened a little and decided to try to give it another go. And the trip was fun for .... 2 days. Until you had to find something to tear me apart for. Which I should note stalking me is not cool. At all only insane people do that. But that ruined the trip from there on because your attitudes changed back to normal.

After that I wanted nothing to do with you at all. But I still made an effort for Mom's birthday. And then that turned to shit as well.

Look I know I was not a perfect child. But at bare minimum I deserve to be treated with respect and love. Though that is a hard concept for me to grasp now because of the self image of my self my family instilled in me. I deserve to feel happy and be healthy for once in my life. And I deserve to make friends who will actually care about me. Rather than caring about their image.

To be honest I dont really know the point of this letter. Knowing how the family operates this is just going to bring more drama into my life. This has gone on so long I dont know if its actually fixable which is something. I guess I am mostly writing this letter to let you know. I no longer consider yall family. And this is probably the last time yall are going to hear me call you by "mom" and "dad" and "sister". I grateful that you raised me. But that is not enough since I was always wishing I was raised with love and care the same love and care my sister received. My sister received that love and care so I knew you were capable of it. But I guess you just thought I was unworthy of it.

And for the final thing dont expect me to forgive and forget. And dont attempt to blackmail me with threats of being family. Since family only means something when family cares and love you. Family only means something if it is bringing good things into your life not more painful memories and loneliness. Family only means something if there is love which I have not felt for years. This is just the status quo and I finally awoken to how bad it is for me. So please let me just heal and move on from this whole painful experience. I am sure it will be easy for y'all since you dont want me around either way and only start fights when I am there.

Also please stop stalking me. I am going to talk to campus security about stopping these weird stalker movements you are doing. Like camping outside my dorm room. Or monitoring who I am getting into cars with. I hopefully will be able to get you banned from campus.

Goodbye,

Former Son"

Note if they continue to harass you after the letter. Just tell them that you will be sending the letter to all extended relative verbatim. So if they really care about their image they should stop. To be honest it might be a good idea to draft up something similar to send to your aunts and uncles. But thanking them if they have been good to you and letting them know that their relationship with you does not have to change. So long as they do not bring up your ex-family around you.

NTA Your sister is travelling to a english speaking country. And is above the age of 20. She can figure out how to navigate an airport. She is not a child. I get some people get anxious when traveling but they got to get over that hump sometime. The only thing you gotta do in airports is look at the time you are boarding. Look at the gate numbers. And then find the signs to those gate numbers. Its not a hard process even in other languages (you just match the picture to the picture). Even with anxiety around travel and etc (which I get to a certain point. I am the type of person who gets frazzelled when he is late to something. And I am fairly introverted in general but its never been a problem which couldnt be solved)

I totally understand wanting a longer vacation if you can swing it. And Ireland is a beautiful place to travel. Whilst yes you did change plans late into the process. But that does not make you an AH.

I mean I did all that was I was 17. I had to book my own tickets, taxis, hotels, and etc. We had to go to a family wedding but I had to leave a bit later than the rest of my family did for various reasons. Its not a hard process and I am pretty anxious person when things dont go to plan. I hate being late for stuff and whilst I dont completely shut down (mainly because I know that will not help) I am not thinking straight either, you know the type will stutter and be frazzled. But the solution is always just talk to a gate attendant or hotel staff and something will be done.

NTA But if you are still in contact with Jenny I would rely the contents of that conversation over to her. Like absolutely let her know that her entire future is just going to be John's carer/toy. I really despise people who baby someone with a mental disorder basically reinforce bad behavior rather than good behavior. And then decide they cannot handle them and pass them off to someone else.

I would really impress in Jenny that this is not going to end. And there is no talking to Jack because he doesnt see the problem. Repeat he doesnt see the problem with you going to the hospital for a panic attack covered in bruises. She will always play second to his brother.

Like I know technically it is not your place. But saving even one person from a doomed marriage is a good thing. Saving someone from years of abuse and hardship is a good thing.

Yeah see that is the tough part. You could try having the conversations over the phone but preceed it with if he starts shouting or yelling or tries to talk over you, you will hang up the phone because that is not how adults talk to each other. And when he starts shouting and yelling just end the call and send to him "If that offends you that doesn’t mean you can’t have a conversation about things. Adults have conversations about important things. If you aren’t able to do that That should be concerning." just a straight copy and paste of what he told you. Maybe add onto that "I am not the one getting offended by this conversation you are. And I am not the one acting like a child yelling and shouting when I get proven wrong".

Again though that is probably the petty route but it is the quickest way to push to a conclusion (either he will hate it and by extension you, or he will come to the realization of why these conversations are not productive and stop). The route you have already step foot on is probably the high road. Just letting him come to that realization himself.

NAH I mean the dispatcher was just following their script. They probably have to fill in certain boxes on what ever app they use to report the issue. And since you reported an incident with a car it might have just automatically switched to a car accident form. So all those boxes needed to be filled out.

Though I am not a dispatcher nor do I live in your area so who knows protocols differ country to country and county to county.

NTA Your sister can parent how she wants. But if she is leaving the kids at your place, your rules still apply (in most cases, though you know how reddit is somone is gonna say "what if the rule is they have finish everything on their plate and their aunt gave them something they are allergic to" and to that I say have common sense). Your nephew getting a little freedom and being able to think for him self for a bit is a good thing.

Again so long as you are not going over to her house and bitching at her about how she is raising her child I think you are entirely in the fine. Like are you expected to rearrange your entire week to look after two sets of kids. Because your kids will be playing outside and your nephew will just be inside on his tablet. And do they want the nephew to feel left out of important bonding moments for children.

I would not apologize if what you said in the story is exactly how you worded it. And not in a condescending manner.

Info: Why did you marry this man? What good did you see in him? Is this a sudden change or is how he always was? How long have you two been married? If there was a sudden change when did it happen? Like nothing in the post was about anything nice he has done for you. And if the only thing he does for you is add stress and arguments, why stayed married? Like you are asking if you should get a divorce but from the only negative information in this post that is the only real option you have.

From this post he seems like a child who can barely function. Like the dude cant even remember if he has something important to do or not. If this is new behavior I would say get him to a doctor quickly because stuff like tumors can drastically alter someones personality. If this is old behavior my first question comes into play, why did you marry this man?

NTA See you could be petty and find all the actual scientific evidence and proof to prove him wrong. But to be honest it is just a waste time. Like you could pavlov this out of him. Everytime he sends you an anti climate change video just search up a video debunking it (usually there are tonnes). And keep doing that until he gets fed up and stops bringing up politics. He is only doing it because he thinks he can change your mind since you dont fight back. Tell him its ironic that he says he is not burying his head in the sand but refuses to see the world for what it is. He is hiding from facts and sticking to what politicians say because they sound louder. He is the only one burying his head in the sand and that is the reason you didnt want to have this conversation.

BUT tbh I think you are taking the correct approach. Just set a boundary and stick to it. He will either learn or have fun being alone. Whilst I understand you might love him but you are feeding into his change by giving him someone to preach to. When his new buddies are gone and the old buddies dont want to associate with him then he will see what he did to his life. It will probably take awhile.

Whilst adults do talk about stuff like politics and etc. Most adults know how to read the room and when not to preach nonsense. I have many freinds who are conservative but the key thing is they dont really drink the kool-aid so to speak. They dont try to convert or spread false facts (atleast to me). But they also know I am fairly well read and I am researcher for a living. So trying to bring up things like "look the climate just changes naturally" I just say "whilst correct in a single aspect that climate does change with natural variables but we see the massive acceleration happening in the recent years. We can see the green house effect CO2 is having. Whilst local temperatures might look fine global temperatures do not. Nor does sea temperature. Nor does the amount of land loss and complete extinction of species. Etc" we might have a debate but generally my friend group dont argue losing battles (Plus I can bring up the research articles lol for them to see). Plus they know me I dont care about what politics they follow so long as the facts they are spouting are not nonsense (I will correct my left leaning friends as well).