I often get "he's a lucky man, I hope he knows that" or "he hit the jackpot then!" or something similar, which is always nice.

I mean, the trouble is that he's paying for it and staying a firm no could lead to him deciding not to pay. That's the risk you're taking.

Are you in a position to pay if your dad decides not to?

I would explain that her constant negativity towards anything to do with the wedding is upsetting you and making you feel that she is not your ally. Therefore you didn't feel up to having her negativity at such a vulnerable moment as buying your wedding dress.

I think your mom is feeling like a failure for not giving your stepdad a child (despite him also being sterile) and is trying to push that responsibility on to you.

Also, what she said isn't true. She doesn't prioritise the living over the dead. You are part of the living too and she is not prioritising you. Only SD.

OK, so I'd phrase it this way:

Dad, I'm really having issues feeling as though this is my family and my home. My family, the people who care about me, would respect and honor my need to have photos and belongings of my mother's in my room. By trying to erase and replace my mother, Stepmom has put a huge emotional barrier between her and I. It's been impossible to see these people as my family because of it. My mother existed. She carried me, she raised me and she is part of me. If she's not welcome, then I'm not either. It's creating a wedge between you and I also, because you're going along with this as though it's completely normal. It's not. I'm constantly hurting over this and I'm building resentment towards all of you. I don't want that. I want to get to a place where you and I are good and I'm open to having some sort of family relationship with the others, but that simply can't happen while the memory of my mother is unwelcome, even in my bedroom. That's my truth, and I know this will upset everyone which is why I didn't want to say it in the therapy session."

NTA - you're already being overly generous. In stepparenting situations the usual financial split is by the number of people in the house.

So you should be paying 1/3 of all costs. Mark is responsible for himself and his child so he should be paying 2/3 of all costs (and maybe, since she's an adult who is earning money, he would charge her rent towards his share).

He's already shoving some of the costs of his child on to you. For him to refuse to cover the costs of her excessive and disordered eating is just plain taking advantage of you.

I'd question whether this man respected me at all given his response. If he continues to refuse to pay (or split the household costs fairly) then you're being used and you need to get them out.

Ah tbh, I feel a bit of compassion for Amanda here. OOP described Kayla as the love of his life, while engaged to Amanda.

She would never have lived up to Kayla in his heart, and it seems that she could sense that. I can imagine that it was incredibly painful for her to feel so inferior.

I'm sure Amanda felt that vibe from OOP and the hurt and jealousy ate away at her until she started behaving badly. I do think OOPs mother was insensitive to bring up Kayla during a celebration of Amanda and OOPs engagement. I can understand that it would hurt her to be reminded of her inferiority and she lashed out.

The fact that Amanda wanted to try with him, but overall was amicable during the breakup leads me to think that she regretted letting these feelings get the better of her.

It was still the right choice to break up though, for everyone's sake. Ultimately, OOP wasn't really ready to move on.

Exactly. I can only imagine the complete and utter betrayal she is feeling right now.

Given her history of attempting, I really, really hope she has good friends around her right now.

Have you checked that she does OP?

At this point, I really would advise against having sex with this man until he's had a full health check, including a full STD panel.

As for him calling you immature... That's projection. You've tried really hard to communicate with him and he's the one being immature by refusing to talk. The fact that he'd rather grind down your self esteem than talk is selfish and hurtful.

I don't think that he would be a good long term partner. Imagine dealing with this every single time an issue cropped up.

It's a great text, but I don't think it would work out well for her to move in, given how pushy and entitled the sister is being.

Maybe:

"Moving in isn't going to work out. I never said you could have the master bedroom, I said I'd discuss it with my partner. We decided that we needed the space as it is our full time home. We offered to do you a favour by letting you use the spare bedroom, but you threw that in our faces. You may well "deserve luxuries", however you cannot take my necessity as your luxury. It is best if you look for luxuries outside my home, by finding your own accommodation. I'm sorry this didn't work out. I wish you luck on your house hunt".

Ohhhhhh... I've read it! I forgot the names, but yes.... Evil. Horribly evil!

Who's Maya?! Was it a recent story?

I'm so glad you got away safely 💖

Yes, it's so so so draining. Mine eventually ended up in prison for battering his housemate and putting him in ICU, and I've never heard from him again.

I didn't realise the psychological and emotional weight of it until he was behind bars and I no longer needed to worry.

The police had been called by my housemate once during the relationship when my ex got violent, so there was some history there to back me up. Both my housemate and the security guard at work confirmed that they'd seen him loitering and waiting for me. There likely was some cctv but I don't think they had time to check it with how quickly the PO was issued.

It sounds as though you're safely away now? I very much hope so.

In the UK here. My ex was stalking me and had been violent in our relationship. I went in to the police station about midday and had a PO by the end of the day (which ex was informed of just before I was informed it was granted).

It was good I had it too, as ex became increasingly unhinged.

That sounds good! How long until you can get the cottage?

That sounds like a beautiful life! How easy would it be to achieve?

YTA she tried communicating with you with words and you ignored her. So she has to communicate with you through actions.

Even then, she's still showing you more consideration for father's day (asking what you want for dinner, thinking of activities you may enjoy etc) than you did for her.

And, let's face it, you wouldn't even be thinking about how badly you did for mother's day if she weren't communicating via actions. You'd have totally forgotten about it and forgiven yourself.

There is so very much more for you out there. I hope that you are able to go out there and find it.

One day he will turn his anger, cruelty and lack of compassion on OP. The second he deems her to be failing his standards.

OP picked a cruel man.

He did. I think it's because he didn't invite OP, she invited herself.

He didn't invite OP to begin with, she asked to attend with him. So I agree.

Can he not actually see what needs doing?

He can, because he comes to OP and tells her.

It's temporary. Until he deals with the root cause of his issues he can't change.

If he's not prepared to go to therapy with you then nothing will ever improve. It'll always be this way. You giving in all the time, him never compromising. You can't have kids because he decides. You have to move in with him because he decides. You pay more because he decides. You can't go on holiday because he decides.

He's very controlling and you just keep chipping away at yourself to be with him.

Don't you want a real future with someone who will communicate with you and reach agreements with you? Maybe even have a baby with you, if you ever find yourself wanting that again.