I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Fogged_Mirror_1192 posting in r/AITAH
Ongoing as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 10th June 2024
Update - 19th June 2024
AITAH for screaming at my GF after she picked the bathroom lock while I was in the shower?
Throwaway because I have to admit something really embarrassing. I (24m) just had a bad fight with my gf, Ana (24f). We met early in college, started dating 2 years ago and then moved in together 3 months ago. I always thought we were great together. She's smart and funny, we've had the best talks and have similar views on science and politics. But we moved in together and she got upset because I take long showers. I don’t like to talk about it but I’m a hairy guy. Think Luther from Umbrella Academy. I quit sports when I was 13 because I couldn’t deal with what the other guys would say about how much body hair I already had by then. So I shave my whole body and yes it takes a while. Ana and I have never talked about my shaving but she has to know I shave from feeling the stubble.
So Ana started questioning why I spend so long in the shower. I should have just told her but I was too embarrassed to say it takes a while to shave so I said I just like thinking in the shower. Then yesterday while I was in the shower she used a screwdriver to pop the bathroom lock and caught me shaving. She put her hands on her hips and told me I was wasting water and I yelled at her to get out. She didn’t leave and lectured me more on wasting water then I shouted again a LOT louder for her to get the fuck out. It freaked her out and she slammed the door behind her.
I was mad and took a few minutes too cool down and think about what I was going to say to her, but when I got out she had locked herself in the bedroom. I could tell she had her back against the door and was crying. She said I scared her and that she I showed her that I wasn’t the kind of man she thought I was. I told her she had scared me, and that it didn't even make sense why she did it because we don't even pay the water for our apartment. She got more upset and said I didn’t even understand the problem because I showed her that I could be violent and abusive and I just needed to leave. I tried to keep calm and asked her to come out so we could actually talk about what happened, but she just kept saying I wasn’t who she thought I was and I had to leave.
We’ve argued about ideas but never had a fight before, and I swear I’ve never yelled or cursed at her before that. I hate fighting with anyone and am normally the more calm person when our friends have things going on. I feel like my whole world just suddenly fell out from under me. I don’t think this was my fault but I also think none of this would have happened if I wasn’t so self conscious about the body hair issue, or maybe if I had just been honest from the beginning and told her why I take long showers. I’m sure this relationship is over now and things are going to be messed up for a while, but I just want to know am I the asshole for causing this whole mess?
Comments
CarcosaDweller
I don’t understand. She sees you are shaving and thus have a legitimate reason to be in there, but she starts berating you for wasting water?
OOP: Huh, yeah, that's basically what happened.
Nentash
Man she picked a lock, ignored your boundaries, on made up some crappy excuse of why youre being naughty, accused you of being a violent abuser because you raised your voice, and she did it to try and DARVO you into being the bad guy, you're not, she is 10,000% in the wrong here and YOU should be leaving HER, while making it VERY clear to everyone that matters exactly why you left her, because she is absolutely the kind of person who will go around lying about you, making herself out the victim and saying that she broke up with you because you were abusive. Tell people the truth yourself, seriously.
NTA, no amount of fuzzy emotions are worth putting up with this sort of person.
HarlotteHoehansson
Naw she's blaming you for being upset that she violated your trust and space. She is 100% the AH here.
OOP: I wish so much now that we could have talked about this some other way than how it happened.
boneylo
While that’s fair, she showed you a new side of her and that may be a blessing in disguise. I think her saying she cannot see you the same etc are her trying to deflect and project onto you. If anything, you saw her ugly side and I don’t think it’s something worth dealing with. You are absolutely NTA.
Also worth noting, you shouldn’t be ashamed or feel the need to hide your body hair! Keep doing you and shaving if that floats your boat, but it a longterm partner thinks it’s weird you have to shave that much, then that’s their problem not yours.
**Judgement - NTA*\*
Update - 9 days later
I am a complete idiot. I’m writing today hoping to save someone else from making the same stupid mistakes I made. I’m trying to think of where to start because after this last weekend I don’t even feel like the things that happened in my first post even matter anymore.
Basically my gf Ana popped the lock the bathroom while I was shaving in the shower to yell at me for wasting water. I shouted at her to get out which scared her bad enough that she told me to leave our apt because she was afraid I could hurt her. People here warned me to be careful with her after that but I thought I knew Ana better than anyone on Reddit and I thought for sure we would be mature and talk about everything once we were both calm. I sent her a text and said we could talk whenever she was ready about what happened or that if she just wanted me gone then we could talk about that too and come up with a plan to separate. I waited but she never texted back.
Then at work on Friday I got called to the front desk. There was a police officer waiting for me there and at first I thought something terrible might have happened. Instead I got served a restraining order. The whole time I was being served I got confused and I don’t know what I was thinking. I know I didn’t pay a lot of attention to what the cop was telling me.
After he left I did the stupidest thing anyone could do after getting an OP and I texted Ana. I asked what was wrong and if this was a mistake because from my end this was just a huge misunderstanding and that if we could just talk I knew we could clear this all up. 2 hours later two police officers came all the way up to my desk and I was arrested. Like handcuffs and everything in front of everyone I work with and I was dragged out of the building and taken to jail.
I have NEVER been in trouble in my life and I never once thought I’d end up in jail just like that. I got processed like a full on criminal. I didn’t know what else to do and I called my parents when I could to let them know what happened. My hometown is like 6 hours away but they found a lawyer and then drove over as fast as they could overnight to bail me out. Right now we’re all staying in a small hotel while we figure out things with the lawyer and I can’t even process how things got here. I’m supposed to have a meeting with my boss and HR on Thursday and I have no idea if I’m going to still have a job.
All I can do right now is give others a warning to take things more serious than I did. Especially getting something like an OP. Even if you think there’s no way it could be real or valid don’t be an idiot and question it like I did. Go straight to a lawyer!
Comments
Present-Reflection84
If the story is true, she had to have lied to get the order of protection granted, right? She broke into the locked bathroom and got yelled at. OP is the one who’d need an OP in that scenario
NoPangolin5228
An OP is not the same thing as a restraining order.
An OP is a TEMPORARY thing until a trial can be set to determine things like who gets the apartment, where/when the one leaving can get their stuff, any financial, etc things.
At the court hearing, the judge will determine if the OP can turn into a restraining order or if the OP will expire. USUALLY the OP expires and things go from there.
ExcitingTabletop
He's dumb as a box of rocks and ignored people who told him to take this seriously. He's STILL not taking this as serious as he should if he's confused why he got to this place.
The second you are accused of abuse, you eject on the spot. Do not pass go, leave. Document everything. Your relationship is already over. It's now just cleanup. Get someone else to pick up your stuff. Document everything you can. If it doesn't go further, you wasted a couple hours and maybe a couple of bucks. If it does go further, it is lifesaving.
The second you are given any legal document or police contact, you STFU, stay far away and call a lawyer. The lawyer will tell you to STFU, stay away and he or she will handle the rest. Follow that expensive advice. This applies to even a temporary court order.
People told him this and he blew it off. Now he's facing the consequences of not taking it seriously.
Lawyer will talk him through everything. Someone else will have to get his stuff. He needs to move decent bit away. And he needs to preserve all evidence he can, at his lawyer's guidance. If he loses his job, he can try suing her over that if his lawyer recommends it. But it will take time. His sole job is to keep head down, stay off social media, STFU, and just figure out a way to pay the lawyer.
Except he's posting about an on-going legal dispute, so he's hopefully just making up everything or continues to be dumb as a box of rocks who ignores solid legal guidance.
AlwaysHelpful22
Your ex is an AH who invaded your privacy and then flaked out on you. You are stupid for ignoring the restraining order (but you’re not an Ah).
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments