UPDATE AITAH for screaming at my GF after she picked the bathroom lock while I was in the shower?

I am a complete idiot. I’m writing today hoping to save someone else from making the same stupid mistakes I made. I’m trying to think of where to start because after this last weekend I don’t even feel like the things that happened in my first post even matter anymore.

Basically my gf Ana popped the lock the bathroom while I was shaving in the shower to yell at me for wasting water. I shouted at her to get out which scared her bad enough that she told me to leave our apt because she was afraid I could hurt her. People here warned me to be careful with her after that but I thought I knew Ana better than anyone on Reddit and I thought for sure we would be mature and talk about everything once we were both calm. I sent her a text and said we could talk whenever she was ready about what happened or that if she just wanted me gone then we could talk about that too and come up with a plan to separate. I waited but she never texted back.

Then at work on Friday I got called to the front desk. There was a police officer waiting for me there and at first I thought something terrible might have happened. Instead I got served a restraining order. The whole time I was being served I got confused and I don’t know what I was thinking. I know I didn’t pay a lot of attention to what the cop was telling me. After he left I did the stupidest thing anyone could do after getting an OP and I texted Ana. I asked what was wrong and if this was a mistake because from my end this was just a huge misunderstanding and that if we could just talk I knew we could clear this all up. 2 hours later two police officers came all the way up to my desk and I was arrested. Like handcuffs and everything in front of everyone I work with and I was dragged out of the building and taken to jail.

I have NEVER been in trouble in my life and I never once thought I’d end up in jail just like that. I got processed like a full on criminal. I didn’t know what else to do and I called my parents when I could to let them know what happened. My hometown is like 6 hours away but they found a lawyer and then drove over as fast as they could overnight to bail me out. Right now we’re all staying in a small hotel while we figure out things with the lawyer and I can’t even process how things got here. I’m supposed to have a meeting with my boss and HR on Thursday and I have no idea if I’m going to still have a job.

All I can do right now is give others a warning to take things more serious than I did. Especially getting something like an OP. Even if you think there’s no way it could be real or valid don’t be an idiot and question it like I did. Go straight to a lawyer!

in AITAHby Fogged_Mirror_1192

1.0K

88%

17d

Exotic-Army4006

1.3K

17d

Damn where do you live you can get a restraining order that fast with zero grounds?

It took me a year, with evidence of being stalked and harassed to get restraining order on some crazy stalker dude. Once it expires in two years then I have to wait for new evidence to renew it

Puzzleheaded_Coat153

525

17d

This is not a restraining order. It’s temporary, while you present evidence for a restraining order.

But I agree with you. I’ve seen dangerous cases working with domestic violence and custody battles and the victims are still not being protected, as they should.

Justitia_Justitia

16d

TRO requires a hearing too, and isn't granted on this kind of basis. This is bullshit ragebait.

PriorityMotor6062

16d

As they say, out of all stories that never happened, this never happened the most

Commercial_Yellow344

17d

It took me an hour in the sheriff’s department making a statement and having pictures taken of my injuries (physical abuse helps greatly) for a temporary order then 20 minutes in front of a judge. After that it took the time to fill out the paperwork and 20 minutes in front of a judge for a permanent order but there was his past history every time. I always got a temporary one then a week later a permanent one but history of physical abuse. I imagine women get them easier than men too, especially if they file for domestic abuse charges.

Awkward_Entry4183

17d

Please check with an attorney. You may be able to use past evidence for a new order. It can depend on what the situation was. For an OFP, a temporary emergency order is issued immediately for safety. The hearing happens within a few days, and then the final order is issued or denied.

Exotic-Army4006

17d

I have spoken with an attorney hence how I know this....

Awkward_Entry4183

16d

I'm sorry to hear that. To be honest, I would file again anyway. The worst thing they can do is deny the order.

Exotic-Army4006

16d

As of right now things are fine. Luckily we have a pretty damn good lawyer so when it expires we will reevaluate what to do. The guy has already been arrested twice for violating the order so we will see

Alert-Potato

17d

I had a roommate file for and get a temporary restraining order against me because I "made a death threat." She was being a cunt and I told her to go walk off the edge of the earth. Some places apparently have a really fucking low bar for restraining orders.

Woodsy_Cove

17d

In the US you can get a TRO against someone else with no proof whatsoever. The judge will grant the TRO and then set a hearing date. You get served and then at the hearing you get to defend yourself. If you don't show or inadequately defend yourself, THEN a permanent RO is issued. The bar for a TRO is nonexistent. The bar for a permanent RO is EXTREMELY high. No one cares about TROs, they're meaningless. Permanent ROs are taken very seriously though.

Own-Inspection-2297

16d

Permanent is usually just for two years or so.

TangledUpPuppeteer

17d

There are different types of RO’s. Random stalker dude is not in the same realm as domestic incident. They are a couple (or were) who live together. It’s handled slightly differently.

Comfortable-Wish-192

17d

Actually it’s not. You can file it won’t be granted. Problem is after service no contact until it’s heard. He broke it.

TangledUpPuppeteer

17d

Where I am, it is handled just a smidge differently. It’s effectively the same in most ways that matter, but the time limit. If it’s a stranger, you have to go in and offer new evidence every 2 - 3 years. If it was a domestic situation, you have to prove it once and it’s permanent. Otherwise the mechanics are the same.

Comfortable-Wish-192

17d

That makes sense. But to get it there still has to be evidence and injury.

TangledUpPuppeteer

17d

Or for the temporary. For the temporary, you can basically say “he yelled and I didn’t like it.” When the judge hears it, that’s when you have to show evidence and injury, but the initial temporary doesn’t require that.

Comfortable-Wish-192

17d

Exactly. You can claim anything but once in court for it to be granted you need evidence.

TangledUpPuppeteer

17d

For the final, yes. You need nothing for the temporary, you need it all for the final.

Used-Cup-6055

16d

I used to work with victims getting restraining orders. All you have to do is go to the courthouse, fill out the paperwork, get in front of a judge, and the judge decides if your statement is enough to warrant passing a temporary order and they grant it. If she knew where he works the police can serve it in just a few hours. I’ve seen orders go from walking into the courthouse to the offender being served in less than three or four hours. Depends on how busy the judge is and how “on it” the sheriff’s deputies are.

pdperson

16d

I very strongly suspect that he did some rotten stuff and invented the post about the shower story to make himself look better - you know, "all I did was yell and I got put in jail!" like, nah, bro, not how that works.

Present-Reflection84

732

17d

I thought orders of protection couldn’t evict someone from their home. If it’s that easy, everyone would get OPs to get rid of squatters.

NoPangolin5228

190

17d

It can't get them evicted but they also cannot be where the other person is so if she decides to go back to the apartment, he cannot be there until the court hearing where the judge decides what to do going forward and if the OP has enough evidence to become a restraining order.

Truzmandz

17d

Is she allowed to go back if he already is there? Kinda fucked up he has to keep track of her schedule, so he can stay clear

Relative-Evening-473

17d

Yes she is and if she does, he has to leave

theladybeav

16d

Depends an jurisdiction, and if the gf isn't found to have just cause for filing, it can be considered a constructive eviction and OP can sue.

Dear_Chance_5384

16d

And how can he track her schedule when he can’t contact her? This is messed up

WizardLizard1885

17d

if op isnt on the lease then hes fucked.. she prob took all of his shit and threw it out

funsizebbw

17d

I'd be willing to bet she kept it so she can bait him to get it and have him arrested again actually

Thisisthenextone

17d

He can contact the non-emergency number and show them any messages. Then they can escort to get the items.

Inevitable-Arm-5233

17d

They can effectively evict someone from their home while they are active. He would need to get a hotel or something if he hasn’t moved out yet from last time.

Beneficial_Mix_8803

17d

That only applies to non “intimate” relationships. TROs and ROs can force out romantic partners and (at least where I got one) family members. ROs can’t evict roommates, squatters, or otherwise interfere with the home or place of employment if a non-intimate relationship.

Reasonable_racoon

17d

Also there's the little matter of needing evidence.

Awkward_Entry4183

17d

It isn't a criminal proceeding. If the judge chooses to accept the order, they are approved on an emergency basis. There is a temporary order until the court hearing. The other party can challenge the report or the conditions at that hearing. In my state, it has to be within 5 days of the order being served. The emergency order is a safety precaution. Each party can submit evidence at the hearing. Many OFP's do contain evidence if it exists. Domestic violence isn't always a crime that has evidence, but that doesn't make it legal.

Used-Cup-6055

16d

She can claim the apartment as her home and yes he would have to leave. He can make arrangements with the sheriff’s department or local police to be escorted in to get his things out. There are several judges who won’t do this because they fear people will use it to evict people. But if you own the home and don’t live there you can’t use it for this purpose. This is one of those things it depends on individual circumstances and the judge’s discretion.

Present-Reflection84

623

17d

If the story is true, she had to have lied to get the order of protection granted, right? She broke into the locked bathroom and got yelled at. OP is the one who’d need an OP in that scenario

NoPangolin5228

215

17d

An OP is not the same thing as a restraining order.

An OP is a TEMPORARY thing until a trial can be set to determine things like who gets the apartment, where/when the one leaving can get their stuff, any financial, etc things.

At the court hearing, the judge will determine if the OP can turn into a restraining order or if the OP will expire. USUALLY the OP expires and things go from there.

Present-Reflection84

17d

Thanks. I’ve never dealt with or known anyone who dealt with OPs and ROs, I didn’t know they weren’t interchangeable.

NoPangolin5228

17d

And OPs go both ways. She cannot contact him either or he can get HER arrested.

AUniversalTruth

17d

This is a common misconception and very rarely true in the US. While an OP can be written so that it binds both parties this is very rarely done unless parties are filing simultaneously. Each state has different laws and procedures, but afaik none automatically restrain both parties.

It is also crucial to note that a protected person cannot waive the OP. Even if the protected person contacts or approaches the subject of the OP, it is still a violation, and often an arrestable offense, for the subject to respond. Though it can of course be a mitigating factor in reviewing the situation.

NoPangolin5228

17d

The OP my former roommate filed against her ex was both ways. But the cops wound up getting called by a third party during their argument so maybe that's why it wound up being both ways when she filed?

wulfric1909

17d

They don’t usually go both ways. They ENCOURAGE the plaintiff to not contact the defendant as well.

Deep_Orange_9704

17d

And the op filed against my cousin didn't, he had to deal with straight fucking barrage of messages from his ex and couldn't respond or hed immediately go to jail. And the judge just laughed when my cousin showed him the messages.

drawntowardmadness

17d

He couldn't have blocked her...?

Deep_Orange_9704

17d

So the judge deemed those messages as evidence and asked him not too, personally I would have snapped but my cousin laughed it off

NoPangolin5228

17d

Also want to add one more thing. OPs protect BOTH parties unlike restraining orders. So even if she shows up to start shit, he can call the cops on her for violating the OP.

9035768555

17d

When you break the OP before the hearing happens, the odds of it getting overturned go down a lot. If you clearly can't be trusted to obey a legal order for a couple damn hours, how much can you be trusted to abide long term?

knittedjedi

17d

If the story is true

100% isn't 👍

HelloJunebug

252

17d

How do you even get an OP with zero evidence and from yelling at someone to give them privacy. wtf . This is wild.

ETA: didn’t realize it was a temporary OP.

geniologygal

17d

He needs a lawyer, like yesterday.

ExcitingTabletop

17d

He's dumb as a box of rocks and ignored people who told him to take this seriously. He's STILL not taking this as serious as he should if he's confused why he got to this place.

The second you are accused of abuse, you eject on the spot. Do not pass go, leave. Document everything. Your relationship is already over. It's now just cleanup. Get someone else to pick up your stuff. Document everything you can. If it doesn't go further, you wasted a couple hours and maybe a couple of bucks. If it does go further, it is lifesaving.

The second you are given any legal document or police contact, you STFU, stay far away and call a lawyer. The lawyer will tell you to STFU, stay away and he or she will handle the rest. Follow that expensive advice. This applies to even a temporary court order.

People told him this and he blew it off. Now he's facing the consequences of not taking it seriously.

Lawyer will talk him through everything. Someone else will have to get his stuff. He needs to move decent bit away. And he needs to preserve all evidence he can, at his lawyer's guidance. If he loses his job, he can try suing her over that if his lawyer recommends it. But it will take time. His sole job is to keep head down, stay off social media, STFU, and just figure out a way to pay the lawyer.

Except he's posting about an on-going legal dispute, so he's hopefully just making up everything or continues to be dumb as a box of rocks who ignores solid legal guidance.

Revolutionary-Yak-47

17d

I feel like I specifically said he could easily be charged with DV and he needed to GTFO. Or maybe it was another moron on here, it's hard to keep track. Either way, someone says "abuse" you run and go no contact. You don't mess around with people that can send you to jail.

Diiiiirty

16d

Yep, I specifically said in the comments to message her and get her to confirm his timeline of events so she can't tarnish his name or take legal action against him.

SnooPandas4016

17d

I threatened my ex with a restraining order for actual abuse... and yes, this was the required outcome. Leave_alone.

Early-Tale-2578

17d

Because clearly she lied in order to get one duh

Excellent_Valuable92

17d

Or maybe OP is an unreliable narrator

ExcitingTabletop

17d

Whether he did or didn't do anything bad, he is still an idiot who ignored solid guidance to GTFO, STFU and stay away.

It is good advice that applies if he's innocent or guilty of anything. He could be the worst monster on the planet, he could even put pineapple on pizza, and it's still good advice for himself and the claimant.

Dude is committed to shooting himself in the foot. And stupid comes with a high price.

HelloJunebug

17d

Of course, but still no evidence. Ridiculous

Inevitable-Arm-5233

17d

Civil level of preponderance of evidence which is a low bar (“if it didn’t happen then why would she say it did?”)

Puzzleheaded_Coat153

17d

An OP is basically what comes before the judge sees your case and grants restraining order. Which means that in order to protect the people involved, and the person filing, they grant an OP in the meantime, before there’s a hearing and evidence is presented. It’s temporary. Then the judge decides if there’s evidence to give the restraining order, or if there isn’t, and the OP is lifted.

When there’s a custody case they also give the parents a temporary custody order depending on what they think is better for the children first of all, and then for everyone else involved, while they receive the evidence for it to give a permanent one.

Aaaalso, there are lots of legal procedures (if not most) that are mostly up to the judge and what he/she believes is best. Tons of people are in prison unfairly. I work with women with cases of domestic violence and who have been and are going through custody battles, and you can see 5 cases that are basically the same, and all the outcomes are different because they have different judges. You also see people siding with one parent because of their personal believes/what it’s right or the best thing to them. Going to court/in front of a judge is unfortunately no guarantee that you’ll be treated fairly.

PretendCabinet8225

17d

I mean maybe she went batshit crazy and punched herself or something to get "evidence". It seems like he didn't see her since the lock picking, so everything's possible.

Or this is all fake.

Weird story for sure.

Significant-Reach959

17d

My son’s ex-wife had the guy she was fucking around with punch her in the eye and never said my son did it, but she implied.

TangledUpPuppeteer

17d

Because the order of protection is the first step. It’s just the statement. It’s temporary and that’s it. It will be scheduled for a hearing and that’s where evidence is presented and a finding is placed on a permanent basis.

HelloJunebug

17d

Gotcha

TangledUpPuppeteer

17d

“He’s my boyfriend and he yelled at me. It scared me and now I’m here” is enough to grant the temporary.

I hope that helps clarify it!

TangledUpPuppeteer

178

17d

Lesson time: if a cop is in front of you and talking to you, listen to them. He wasn’t just practicing his public speaking voice, he was telling you that she made a complaint about a domestic situation and you cannot contact her until the judge says it’s ok. So, DON’T CONTACT HER AGAIN (she’s not worth it anyhow).

Understand that it all went so fast for her to get the temporary because it’s a domestic disturbance. If you keep pushing the envelope or challenging the “stay away” aspect of it, you can actually go to jail. Not just being processed, but actually go to jail. You would be violating a court order. Willingly, and the law doesn’t care that you weren’t listening to the cop.

I do not want to get into whether she was wrong about barging in (I covered that and she was TA), and I judge you’re NTA even now, but you’re bordering on it. To yourself. You need to control your desire to reach out to her. It’s not worth it. You can’t talk it out, it’s not a misunderstanding, this is what it is now.

And the police don’t care she barged into the bathroom first. The judge will, but the police won’t.

Right now, there is a temporary court order to keep away. The police will follow that court order to a T. The only person who can undo it is a judge. The police can’t.

As far as the police know, a complaint for domestic disturbance or violence was filed. That grants an immediate court order to keep away until the judge can hear the evidence.

As far as the police are concerned, they will treat the order for you to keep away the same they will treat an order to keep an abuser away from their victim.

End of story.

Just stay away, you deserve better than endless cycle of court dates over this.

And while you’re keeping away, I suggest you also really think about just never talking to her again, no matter what the judge finds in the end. This isn’t worth it. Not even a little bit.

And if she is willing to do this once, she’s willing to do it again. If you have a bunch of temporary orders of protection against you, it shows a pattern of abuse which can be used against you later, in a divorce or custody battle.

Please, just leave and wash your hands of it.

Proper_Fun_977

17d

He was probably in shock at getting the OP.

He won't be the first or last either

Thisisthenextone

17d

You're still responsible for your own actions.

The first thing he did after receiving an Order of Protection was violate it. He committed a crime. Yeah people get arrested for arrestable offenses.

He seriously screwed himself over with that. And he gave her ammo to use in court. Orders of Protection are temporary, but instantly violating it and being arrested means it'll likely become permanent now because they'll focus more on how he's technically a criminal now.

TangledUpPuppeteer

17d

I get he was in shock, but that doesn’t matter.

A temporary court order for him to stay away was in effect. A cop came to his job to explain what that meant in person. He heard the Charlie Brown voice and immediately contacted her and was shocked he was arrested.

Honestly, shock isn’t an excuse or a legal justification. He broke a keep away order. It shows impulse control issues.

No, I don’t think OP did anything wrong, I’m just explaining how it can be used against him.

It doesn’t matter what your personal feelings in the moment are. If a cop or a judge takes the time to personally appear in your life to explain something, listen to them.

I don’t know about you, but it’s not a daily occurrence for me, so I pay attention.

And don’t listen to her if she tries to reach out. As long as the temporary is in place, even if she reaches out, don’t engage! Instead, the order goes both ways. You can report her for breaking it. The only time it is. It in effect is after you go to court and she says she wants to have it lifted and the judge signs off.

UNTIL THE JUDGE FORMALLY LIFTS IT, IT IS IN EFFECT!

I am saying this because I’ve seen how the restraining order game can effect outcomes in divorce and custody

JipC1963

114

17d

OP, you should contact your landlord and get off your lease. Once you show the OP they should let you off. Then have your Parents contact the Police for an escort to get your property. You can ask your lawyer for help with this as well.

I was pretty sure she was psycho when she unlocked the bathroom door and had the bloody nerve to berate you for "wasting water!" You WEREN'T wasting water, you were GROOMING yourself! That she refused to leave when you told her to WASTED MORE WATER, makes it sound MORE like a control/invasion of privacy thing to her.

It's even possible that she thinks you'll be "on the hook" for the rents so she gets practically free housing. As a woman and wife, I would NEVER think to invade a man's, certainly not my SO's, privacy in the bathroom, whether he was showering or going to the bathroom. Greatest of luck!

Aggravating_Yak_1006

17d

This comment needs to be higher.

Marketing_Introvert

17d

It really does. The guy needs clean undies and any important papers at the very least.

2hops_this_time

17d

I wonder what she told them you did to her to get the order of protection? Did you get a copy of her statement with the paperwork they served you?

Inevitable-Arm-5233

17d

First thing his lawyer will do is get those records.

wulfric1909

17d

Honestly he may already have it. When I used to write petitions for protections from abuse, that was standard with the packet that the defendant got. They got a copy of the petition.

AsparagusOverall8454

17d

Good lord. What a shit show.

AlwaysHelpful22

126

17d

Your ex is an AH who invaded your privacy and then flaked out on you.

You are stupid for ignoring the restraining order (but you’re not an Ah).

Big_Mark7803

17d

Agreed, she needs to relearn about something called BOUNDARIES!

EffOffReddit

17d

Lmao he violated a protection order, talk about needing to learn something about boundaries.

LouisV25

17d

Separate your finances if you have anything joint. Have your parents get your things.

Fogged_Mirror_1192

14d

I'm still so confused as to how things are where they are, and there's a lot I don't know, but I had a meeting with my lawyer after he got the report on how I got a restraining order. After everything that happened originally two weeks ago the police were called. They spoke with Ana and some neighbors at my apartment complex, and two people told police in the report that they heard me yell "fuck you" and then they heard loud bangs. I know the fight we had didn't happen the way those people said it did but my lawyer says it's going to be hard to defend against multiple people who said that happened. There's also something about photos of bruises but I have no idea when or how that happened. My lawyer thinks the biggest problem is the neighbor's report and I think they just didn't hear everything that happened through the walls the way it actually did so we have to try and find someone who will say that they heard me shout I actually shouted and that should help a lot.

On the bright side I had the meeting with my job and my manager really defended me. We all agreed that it was a lot of drama that never should have happened at the office, but as long as I don't end up with a felony on my record I will get to keep my job.

So the big issue now is that Ana has a lawyer, my lawyer is talking to her lawyer, all communication has to go through them, and I'm hoping we can find a way soon to get all of this under control.

Thank you to everyone who sent their thoughts and ideas of what to do after my last post. I'm sorry I just haven't been able to bring myself to read through them after everything that happened, but I'll try and get caught up on them over the next few days.

WarDog1983

10d

What does she want??

doomedfollicle

A pound of flesh.

My ex pulled a similar stunt. I wasn't the best boyfriend, but I was never cruel nor violent with her in any way. I'll freely admit I was an asshole at times, but I was faithful.. and we had some really rough times and I sacrificed so much to try to take care of her, when I could have bailed and left her homeless and alone.

She ended up trying to destroy my life.. wrote some insane "manifesto" type thing to one of my best friends via Facebook - a person she had never met nor interacted with in any way - explaining her desire to harm me.

However!! In my case the woman had suffered a catastrophic TBI (traumatic brain injury) when she was 17. So in her case I kind of feel like it was the brain damage doing the work.

But you never know, maybe this chick has something wrong with her brain, too?

Thebaldsasquatch

10d

Commenting to remember to check back

The_Ghost_Reborn

194

17d

I got processed like a full on criminal.

You were ordered by the court to not contact her, then you IMMEDIATELY ignored the court order and contacted her.

I'm not sure what you would expect other than handcuffs and a jail cell.

Jiujitsuizlyfe

17d

He wouldn’t be the first to do exactly this

EffOffReddit

17d

And a ton of them aren't great people

The_Ghost_Reborn

17d

Right, there's plenty of people who lack emotional control in the world.

Alert-Potato

17d

And it's a hallmark of abusers. What he did was make himself look like a guilty abuser. "Please baby, it's just a misunderstanding. Come on baby, the cops don't understand our relationship. Let's talk it out. Baby, I love you." A plea to talk in person, without a written record, so she can be convinced to go back to her abuser. It's fucking classic.

Dude built his own coffin and nailed it shut in one text message.

Jiujitsuizlyfe

16d

Of course that same situation is done by abusers the same situation also happens with innocent people who don’t know wtf is going on. I don’t know why people are arguing with me. I never said he did the right thing. I just said I understand. There’s a long list of people who don’t know why they got a restraining order on them and make stupid decisions. These decisions make them look more guilty. I get that. But I have seen enough innocent people make moves that make them look guilty to have some sympathy AND empathy. It’s like you wouldn’t understand why someone who is innocent go on the run instead of turn themselves in.

Alert-Potato

16d

I'm not arguing. I'm pointing out that he's an idiot who made himself look guilty.

Jiujitsuizlyfe

16d

I agree with you on that

Raspberry-Tea-Queen

17d

I mean he seems a little dense but at least he is learning now and won't make the same mistakes again. Hopefully.

I_luv_sloths

17d

Please tell your lawyer that she picked the lock to enter the bathroom while you were showering and refused to leave until you yelled. She should be charged with filing a false report.

cryomos

17d

this post smells like bullshit to me

Thisisthenextone

17d

I got processed like a full on criminal

Because you committed a criminal action.

You tried to contact someone who had an order of protection on you.

It doesn't matter if she got the OP on fake grounds. You still have to follow it until the court date to review it. You now gave her ammo against you because the first thing you did was break it.

FireMarshallBi11

17d

Man I had an ex gf that would berate me and follow me into other rooms when I got away. If I’d finally get angry she’d whip her phone and and start smiling and recording me like a sociopath.

You should have listened to Reddit. She broke in the bathroom to yell at you and she’s scared of you. Fuck that shit man.

Nta

Woodsy_Cove

17d

I knew a woman whose ex husband did that exact same thing. Would yell at her and call her names and follow her around as she tried to get away from him. One time he pushed her down and had his hands on her throat. But he was always careful not to leave marks. He let her up and she threw something at him and it grazed his forehead. Then he yelled at her and she finally blew up and started screaming back. She didn't know he had set his phone up in the room to record everything. She called the police and reported him for domestic abuse. Before they arrived he got busy editing his recorded footage cutting out all of his actions and making her look crazy. They arrived and she had no marks and he had a scratch on his forehead, plus showed them the video. So she went to jail. The charges were later dismissed after she presented evidence that she had been the victim of abuse for years. She was a teacher, so to retaliate he sent the edited video to the school district in an email that said "I thought you should know what kind of a monster you have teaching there." She lost her job over it. She eventually found a job in another school district, got a divorce and rebuilt her life. But she is petrified of getting in another relationship.

FireMarshallBi11

17d

Yeah me too! No love in my future. I’m very afraid of the sociopath types

Woodsy_Cove

17d

I'm sorry you went through that and definitely understand your trepidation! There are a lot of good people out there but the problem is the narcissists and sociopaths can masquerade as good, normal people for weeks or even months to draw you in. By the time you figure it out it's often too late to escape without some kind of harm.

[deleted]

17d

get a lawyer
yelling at someone can be, but is not always, abuse. some situations in which it's perfectly ok to yell at someone is when they PICK THE FUCKING LOCK ON THE DOOR WHILE YOU'RE IN THE BATHROOM.

your ex girlfriend is a complete psycho. if there's any lawsuit here, go for it

PointbreakYeeto

17d

what has this sub become 💀❓️

Justitia_Justitia

16d

The land of creative writing and ragebait.

CuriousRelish

17d

Both of you are absolutely ridiculous. She didn't need to do anything near picking a lock and yelling at you for showering and shaving. Even if that was the first red flag it should have been more than enough to push you to move out ASAP.

You fucked up big time violating a protection order regardless of your reasons. She probably got it specifically because she knew you'd try to reach out to her about it and you fell for her trap.

Jokester_316

17d

Apparently, you didn't know this woman as well as you thought you did. The first time you yell at her and have an argument, she has you served, so you can't return to your residence. Then, instead of communicating like an adult, she has you arrested. This is who she is. She actually did you a favor. This behavior would have come out eventually. Better now than after marriage and kids.

Stay no contact. Listen to your lawyer. Arrange for you to get your personal belongings through your lawyer. Let friends and family know the truth about what happened. Don't let her claim you were abusive. Control the narrative. Get your belongings and never talk to her again.

EffOffReddit

17d

She didn't have him arrested. He got himself arrested by doing the one thing he wasn't supposed to do.

Key-Opportunity-5560

15d

It should be obvious but in case it’s not. OP do NOT EVER contact your EX girlfriend not now not EVER again.

GrumpsMcWhooty

17d

You fucking dumbass. You didn't bother to read the thing you got served with?

[deleted]

17d

This is wild. I tried for a restraining order against my actual abusive ex husband and was denied numerous times. She must of lied or there’s more to this than the one “shouting incident” ? If this truly is the full story, she’s crazy and I’m so sorry you’re going thru this!

Sympraxis

16d

If the RO said not to contact her and you did, that was incredibly stupid.

Immediately get the police report. If the police refuse to give you a copy of the report(s) relating to you, then make a petition for a court order to have those reports released to you.
Get the court filing which asks for the restraining order.
If the request for the restraining order contains any false statements, then make out an affidavit that states the FACTS in very clear and easy to understand terms. There should no opinions or subjective remarks of any kind in the affidavit. Get supporting affidavits from anyone who knows Ana and yourself well. These should say stuff like "I never saw Fogged offer violence or mistreat Ana in any way... etc etc. Basically character witnesses.
If Ana has done this before, get affidavits to that effect. If Ana has any old friends that she is now on bad terms with, get in touch with them. They may tell you evidentiary things about things she has done in the past.
File a petition with the court to have the RO remanded (assuming there are false statements in her petition to the court). Your affidavits are the evidence to support that. If there is an inconsistency in her claims or self-contradiction, point that out.
Simultaneously, make a complaint to the police accusing Ana with making a false report (which is a crime) if she made any false statements in her own complaint. Your evidence should be your own affidavits (as detailed in 3 and 4 above), plus any logical arguments. If there is an inconsistency in her claims or self-contradiction, point that out.
Do not trust the lawyer. It is in the lawyer's interest for you to get convicted or in trouble. The more trouble you are in, the more money he makes. The longer it goes on, the more money he makes. Definitely use a lawyer, but do not rely on him or trust what he tells you. Remember: his goal is to make money, not solve your problems. The bigger your problems are, the more money he makes.
Contact your landlord and try to get the lease on your apartment revoked. Do whatever you can to get her evicted and definitely make it clear to the landlord that you are not paying rent when you legally have no access to the apartment. If it is joint lease, then the lease legally breaks if one of the parties is legally prevented from occupying the apartment. If it is your lease, ask the landlord to begin eviction proceedings because she is basically a squatter at this point.
Get a court order immediately to get your belongings from YOUR apartment and get your stuff out of there pronto. If she has stolen or damaged anything, then make a criminal complaint to the police for "criminal mischief" which is the crime of intentionally damaging or destroying someone else's property.
If the RO gets remanded or lifted, you should IMMEDIATELY write out a complaint to the District Attorney's office with supporting affidavits that demand that Ana be charged with perjury. You should schedule a meeting with an assistant DA (who should obviously not be a woman LOL) and make your case to them that she should be charged. You should submit your documents to the assistant DA beforehand and those documents should clearly show that Ana committed perjury when she filed for an RO against you. You can do this before the RO gets lifted, but it is much more compelling if you ask for her to be charged AFTER it is lifted, because if the judge lifts the order then he is implicitly agreeing with you that she may have committed perjury.

Hopefully you have learned your lesson: NEVER live with a woman who is not your wife, ever. If you need a roommate, then it should be a man. Period.

bepdhc

16d

You are stupid. Anna is a cunt. Be glad she is soon to be out of your life

celticmusebooks

17d

What country do you live in? In the US you can't get a restraining order for someone yelling at you.

Either this is fiction, or you live in a country with a really weird legal system, OR you did a WHOLE lot more than just yelling at her.

Pretending that it's not fiction and one of the other two: Why on earth would you not LISTEN to the officer who served the restraining order and ASK QUESTIONS at that point?

Obviously, violating the restraining order was very very foolish.

Deep_Mood_7668

17d

Stay away from her before she makes up even more stuff

Big_lt

17d

Why do I highly doubt this is us fake.

Restraining orders are not given out so easily. People have had neighbors/exes stalk them only to be se iws however in this case OP yelled at the court granted it . Not to mention the additional wrinkle of them effectively making him homeless during this process

Odd-Manufacturer4689

17d

I think she just wanted to break up with you,or you down playing what happened?

Responsible-Scale-98

17d

Hopefully you understand it's time to file a complaint against her for making a false police report (depending on exactly what she stated). Bottom line is do not take this lying down. Do not let her get away with this with no repercussions.

I'm not suggesting to go on a rampage & dig yourself a deeper hole, but you need to SPEAK UP & not be such a doormat.

Ekillaa22

16d

Bro WHY would you text her after being served thaaat

HopingToWriteWell77

16d

I TOLD YOU!!! I LITERALLY TOLD YOU LAST POST!!!

I have watched this happen multiple times. Rack up your evidence fast because in he said/she said stuff, they tend to believe the woman.

DepartureDapper6524

16d

Yeah, immediately violating the OP was a pretty dumb idea. Can’t really argue with that.

NemiVonFritzenberg

17d

Dude why on earth did you text her after the ro? Ffs

waxedgooch

17d

Fake

WinEquivalent4069

17d

Follow the advice of your lawyer. This is now a legal matter both civil and criminal. Absolutely do not sign anything in that HR meeting with talking to your lawyer 1st. Make sure your parents do not contact your ex or your job as this will make matters worse.

Evie_St_Clair

17d

I can't understand WHY you're handed a temporary restraining order and the first thing you do is contact her. This is an odd story.

Sasmonite

17d

Don‘t stick your dick in crazy. You should be happy she didn‘t fuck you over with the lewd touching law.

Mystral377

17d

On what grounds was an op granted??? Because unless you left out a huge part of the original story...they don't give those for yelling at someone.

iamnotadeer12

17d

There’s no way this is real.

fasterthanpligth

17d

Faker than spray-tan on a doll.

Everiscale

16d

OP is a fucking moron. Be clear, this woman had to lie and escalate to a ridiculous level to make this happen. While she is attacking him legally and socially he mentally checked out.

amAProgrammer

17d

I guess this is in USA? Your law system is one of the weirdest abnormal things I have ever heard of.

Inevitable_Pie9541

17d

Fake AF. YTA for writing shitty fiction.

VanyelStefan

17d

Updateme

UpdateMeBot

17d

I will message you next time u/Fogged_Mirror_1192 posts in r/AITAH.

Click this link to join 68 others and be messaged. The parent author can delete this post

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Glittering_Art7981

17d

Update us after court

Used-Cup-6055

16d

I commented on your last post that she was unhinged and you needed to stay far away from her. I worked with victims who get OPs and knew from your story she could spin it out into dangerous territory. This is depressing. I’m at least glad you’re aware she’s nuts and you’ll be staying away from her now.

Heretic2-1

16d

Sounds like it's time to move out and move on. Thats some next level red flag shits, picks the lock? wasting water? Takes legal action over yelling? Nah, bro. That's a wrap. Imagine the level of bs if you get legally tied to her, or kids, or joint property. Nah. That screams "i'll accuse you of much worse if i have a reason" dip out and change your name or something

Heykurat

15d

At this point I'm thinking this is either a fake story or OP absolutely earned that restraining order and is an idiot.

Ginger630

15d

Your ex GF is a C. But you’re not too bright contacting her after she got an RO. That’s when you block her and all her friends and family on your phone and social media. You move on and thank God you got rid of her.

Ok-Neighborhood-4158

13d

OP- we told you on the original post to take this situation seriously and to get an Order of Protection first.

This is what happens when you disregard solid advice. You played FAFO and lost thus far.

Now, legally she has the upper hand. Not only do you lose access to your previous home, you have an Order of Protection against you. You have also gone against the order by contacting her once resulting in an obvious arrest.

At least your parents have helped you secure a lawyer. DO EVERYTHING THE LAWYER TELLS YOU TO DO. Do not deviate in the slightest and do not lie about anything.

After this case is over, you should move from the area. Get another job someplace else. Get some therapy. You passed more red flags than the country of China has and said, “This situation is fine.” She was a problem from the second she picked the lock and forced her way into the bathroom. After that you had every right to leave and get an order and you missed the window.

Don’t miss the flags the next time.

samsambagley

12d

I had a friend like your now, I assume, ex. They got in a fight and he dropped a plate, and then it turned into he threw the plate, and then into he threw the plate at her. I went to court with her over this. He was arrested because this incident broke his parole and she knew it would. When it finally came down to it, she completely backed out and said that maybe she was just so panicked by the situation that she mis remembered things. She was someone I thought I knew, but obviously didn’t. She started pulling similar things with me. She had gotten all the benefit she needed from me and those close to me that she started making up things about the family friend who was providing her discount daycare, about me, and then about her work environment.

I hope this turns out well for you. It really sounds like she’d gotten what she needed out of the relationship, but had no reason to continue and is someone who lives for the drama and making villains out of true victims. I’m so sorry.

First_Alfalfa2805

17d

Wow, I wouldn't think that was something to go to the police about,but ok.

I hope that you can get your things from the apt. Also, if your name is on the lease, make sure to take it off.

Updateme!

tek3k

17d

Something is missing here. This explanation doesn't really add up. You didn't mention your ages or, more importantly, how long you two have been togther? By your account, I would assume not very long. The other thing that doesnt fit... you say she picked the lock to engage you in the shower and "yell" at you. In turn, you "shouted" at her to get out. If this woman had the assertiveness to do those things WHY is she seemingly traumatized by your response? Is it that your response was not proportional to hers? Was your response really harsh and aggressive? She mentioned that she felt you might harm her. Or, is that she is just really pissed at being disrespected (in her eyes) and wanted to show you who is boss? She took action A, you took action B, both sounded pretty similiar as presented by you. But then she physically and emotionally retreated and felt a need to engage the justice system and law enforcement. It must have been a very disturbing interaction for her.

Electronic_World_894

17d

I’m guessing there’s more to the story than just yelling. But of course I’m just a random person reading someone’s post.

But if there is not anything more to the story, OP is not the brightest by texting Ana. He should have contacted a lawyer.

Well, I guess now is the second best time to contact a lawyer.

karmaleeta

17d

i feel like you intentionally left a lot out of this story to make yourself look better and your gf look crazier. in your earlier post, you described the incident in more detail and said that you like to take really long showers to shave your incredibly hairy body, and when ana busted in the bathroom (which i still do not agree with, for the record) you screamed at her to get the fuck out, which made her so upset she locked herself in the bedroom crying. she repeatedly said that you weren’t the guy she thought you were and suddenly realized you were capable of violence, which explains the the justification for the TRO. want to be a little more specific about what happened in the bathroom?

Last_Nerve12

17d

I'm so sorry this happened. Use the fact that she picked the lock to get in the bathroom against her. I'm rooting for you that this all goes in your favor. You did nothing wrong, she did.

Round-Ticket-39

17d

How do you get restraining order THIS easy? Like i knew lady that got death t and police said they wont do anything until hw actualy does something

radioactiveape2003

17d

It's most likely a emergency protective order because it was filed as domestic violence by the Ex. The EPO depending on the state is good for around 1 to 4 weeks.

It's not up to the police to do anything. The lady you know needs to go to court and get a restraining order. A temporary order is easy to get but then you need actual documented evidence to get a regular one.

YerMcManiac

17d

She’s mentally ill. Stay away from girls that are that fragile. She came in to yell at you about water, she invaded your privacy. I’m betting there were other red flags. When you go to court, tell the judge you felt violated and scared. Then press charges for peeping.

scaffnet

17d

That’s not how restraining orders work. You would’ve gotten summoned to court first to be there for the hearing. I know because I took my daughter to get one against her shitty abusive ex-boyfriend. Everyone has the right to defend themselves even people accused of domestic abuse, rightly or wrongly.

JustSomeDude0605

17d

I feel like you are leaving a large portion of the story here. No one gets a restraining order from getting yelled at once.

It's usually due to a history of abuse.

Heeler2

17d

I don’t think we have the entire story here. Seems a bit odd that Ana could get a restraining order based on just this incident.

I’m wondering if Ana has some issues. Breaking into the bathroom to tell OP he was wasting water is weird and extreme.

Cardinal101

17d

I would love to hear the gf’s side of the story.

Altruistic-Onion-444

17d

OP: All I did was scream at her

Also OP: I violated an order of protection, but I swear all I did was ask if she was okay

I'm getting the vibe that this is either completely fake, or OP is lying through their teeth about how this went down.

Otherwise_Piglet_862

17d

I got processed like a full on criminal.

You ARE a criminal. You violated a protection order with proof 2 minutes after you were served.

You will be fired Thursday, if not sooner.

I have to ask, are you fucking stupid?

JazzlikeOcelot419

17d

Updateme

geniologygal

17d

Updateme!

Mystral377

17d

Updateme!

waaasupla

17d

Updateme

MsMourningStar

17d

Updateme

Cguy203

17d

Updateme!

btwImVeryAttractive

17d

JFC

Investigator516

17d

LAWYER

garromone

17d

She got a restraining order cuz you yelled at her? After she broke into the bathroom you were showering in? What in the world?

Simple-Contact2507

17d

Block herforget her and get far away from her.

AGirlHasNoGame_

17d

I mean yea, you fucked up, I don't want to beat you while your down... but what in the lack of common sense is getting served by a police officer at work with an OP and stillll reaching out to the person?????? Like everything else I understood your point but this part was super duper dumb...

Anyway, screenshot your messages and give them to your lawyer. Like this sucks, but there's also no history of abuse, no prior incidents, and seriously if this become bigger I would love to hear her side of "he was in the bathroom I picked the lock so he yelled at me"

Just this time, LISTEN TO PEOPLE, listen to your family and your attorney, and don't let your belief that she couldn't do something and your prior relationship cloud your judgment again. She is capable of anything. She has already and can manipulate the situation to make you look horrible. Listen to your attorney and stand up for yourself. stop being an idiot.

Also, if at any point she reaches out, love bombs, apologies, whatever, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK, CUT HER OUT DO NOT SPEAK TO HER.

Strict_Common156

17d

Damn dude, that went from 0 to 100 real quick.

I'm impressed how swiftly the police were able to respond to this given that she was not under any immediate threat by you.

Unfortunately life will throw a curveball like that to you at times. Hang in there and take it as a lesson. It sucks how this turned out, but with patience and following what the lawyer says, you should be able to recover from this.

Missingthetea

17d

Well I’m glad that at least you got a wake up call, when someone shows you who they are believe them also if a officer is delivering a RO take it serious and do not initiate contact for any reason! Your first response should of been contacting a lawyer not your ex as well as contacting police so you can get your things peacefully and doing everything to have a clean break. Your relationship ended as soon as she forced herself into a locked bathroom then played victim to the point of police involvement.

the-interloafer

17d

Ana is a villain telling herself she's a victim. There's no way to navigate that other than to fully cut ties and move on after all of this is cleared up legally. I'm really sorry, man. There are very few things worse than a person who starts things and refuses to let you finish... especially considering she abused the law to make it happen.

When meeting with your lawyer, I'd explore what options you have to sue on grounds of false accusation. I wouldn't move forward on that unless you have an obvious open-and-shut case, but it's worth finding out after she used the law to smear you publicly. That's evil as fuck.

crazymastiff

17d

I wrote on your original post that she was going to claim abuse sometime and escalate shit. You don’t run fast enough.

changelingcd

17d

That's one serious fuck-up, OP. I sympathize since your GF was in the wrong from the start and acting like a hysterical idiot, but now you committed a crime because you weren't listening to the cop (or us: we warned you how dangerous this situation was). So, hopefully you can get out of this. Delete her from your phone, block her on everything, listen to your lawyer, and don't go near that apartment without a cop walking beside you. Stop thinking of her as a partner or friend, and be very careful to not communicate in any way. There is no misunderstanding: she's trying to ruin your life, and she can do it if you keep helping her.

Myrthrall

17d

If this story we're true can you imagine going through all this because some kids made fun of your body hair in middle school and it made you insecure. Victim shaming or whatever sure but I can't imagine. Get made fun of for body hair as a male, spend hours of your day every day shaving it all off, and then this shit happens.

CollateralEstartle

17d

Dude, if you get a restraining order saying not to contact someone, don't turn around and contact them about it.

grumpy__g

17d

So telling alone is enough? And I am supposed to believe that. Let’s say this story is real, then I would love to hear her side.

SnooWords4839

17d

Lawyer and be ready to fight the RO.

Ozzytheaussy

17d

It shows how little she loved you to get you arrested over something she did....

SonnySmilez

17d

Lol bro I told you to cut ties with her immediately 😅 and so did a hundred other people 🤣🤣🤣

EnjoyWeights70

16d

OHH I read the first post-- I sad she broke your trust. I stated she would think nothing of goign through your private papers, unlocking a safe etc.. not to be trusted.

Well, she is clearly not to be trusted.

Get someone into the house to get your stuff.

Mammoth-Ear-7373

16d

First red flag is that she picked a lock to yell at you for wasting water because you were shaving in the shower 😂😂😂 crazy bitch from the start of the story! The lawyer is probably specialised in criminal defence but it doesn’t hurt to ask him about your legal options should you be terminated from your company just because you got arrested in front of the office, that might be dependent on how the case goes especially since you technically broke the protective order but if it was filed under false pretences and there’s mitigating circumstances and blahblahblah like I said, doesn’t hurt to ask and know your options more, usually these are state relevant options as well so. Good luck. Don’t stick your dick in crazy (in the future). Also I’d stay stay away from women with only one consonant in their name, better safe than sorry.

Mysterious-Wasabi103

16d

I never expected a girl who picked a lock just to yell at me to do that! Come on dude. Obviously it's rage bait anyway.

FishingPristine4319

16d

Women ☕️

Ok_Most_283

16d

Dude I’m sorry. Your ex girlfriend is a stupid twat and I hope she ends up paying for this thru karma

Outrageous_Fix9215p

16d

My question is how is the lease owner? Is the lease in her name your name or both? If just your name have her evicted and thrown out.

Fangs_McWolf

14d

Tell the lawyer that you want to go full offensive in this matter. Find out why a restraining order was granted when the worst you did was yell at her to get out of the bathroom after she broke in while you were in the shower. If she told lies to get the RO, then not only should that RO get revoked, but charges against you dropped as well.

She needs to be served with a cease and desist order about trying to paint you as some criminal when you're not, and that if you lose your job over this, then you'll be suing her for loss of income, among other things. In other words, she needs to do damage control to make sure that your name is fully cleared and that you don't suffer any consequences for her actions.

PS.

Your story (not including this update) was read in a video today.

SmithSith

13d

Positive note…you dodged a relationship bullet and can focus on a future with someone else.

Rich_Outcome9998

She's really abusing the law system. lol

Mundane_Charity_7309

17d

Do you think your gf was cheating on you & she's using this as an excuse to breakup with you? Updateme!

LittleMiss1985

17d

Either more happened than just OP yelling at Ana or, Ana has overreacted. Impossible to know which but it really doesn’t matter. Yes, when the police show up and issue an order of protection it should be taken seriously.

GnosisoftheSource

17d

NTA but obviously not very bright - served legal documents from a law enforcement officer are probably worth a read.

Also, a lot of people are saying she overreacted but I think she planned for this. The initial evasion of privacy was to establish control in the home and relationship. That didn’t work so now she is beating him down and/or going to move on to a new victim - all while gaining sympathy from friends and family. Win/win for her.

SignedUpToComplain

17d

Ok so you are probably a liar and this has happened multiple times before, and you are trying to make it sound as if you just yelled at her once and BOOM restraining order. The chance of that being reality are about .001% so right out of the gate I just think it should be clear that absolutely nobody with a brain or any experience actually living on this planet is going to believe you.

Now, that being said, women are absolutely fucking insane and it is SLIGHTLY possible you really are telling the truth - that you yelled at her one time - for something that honestly I would have yelled about to - and that triggered her to get a fucking restraining order. Ok, let's take that at face value:

You dodged a bullet. Get a lawyer, explain it to the lawyer. Do not ever, EVER contact her again. Not fucking ever. Don't even say her name to anyone but your lawyer. Screenshot, save, and then put on a USB every single thing you have with her picture, name, etc. Texts, emails, whatever. Put them on a jump drive and then lock them away in case your lawyer needs them. Don't talk to her family, her friends, etc. Move out IMMEDIATELY. Ask the police to assist with your move-out so you don't violate the restraining order. GET A FUCKING LAWYER. GET A FUCKING LAWYER. GET A FUCKING LAWYER.

So IF you are telling the truth, then sorry but also congrats because an actual crazy person just exited your life. As long as you talk to a lawyer and get the initial restraining order violation taken care of, you will be fine. But do not for ANY FUCKING REASON ever contact her again. If she contacts you, IMMEDIATELY GET A FUCKING LAWYER AND MAKE THE LAWYER THREATEN HER.

Thepettyone

17d

One: Under no circumstances do you contact her again. Even if the damn OP isn't turned into a full-on restraining order.

Two: Get your shit out of that apartment as SOON as you're capable of it. Anything you paid for.

Lastly, block her. Everywhere. There is no working this out. She has baggage that is now affecting every part of your life. Personal, professional, and financially.

Again, I must emphasize that I do NOT contact her. If she contacts you, do not respond. Let authorities know so she doesn't try to say you're harassing her.

Significant-Reach959

17d

Looks like a lot of us want an update, so please let us know after you talk to the lawyer and your job.

havingahardtime67

17d

Block her on everything and never speak to her again. Send out a mass group message to ALL your mutual friends and your family explaining your side of the story because as of right now she is spreading vicious rumours that can ruin your life.

See if you can do anything to legally get her in trouble.

ChemistryDue5982

17d

Your now ex is a straight up psycho. Jesus fucking Christ. Being yelled at is in now way, shape or form a reason to call the police, let alone this shit.

Absolutely fucking insane.

jj20002022

17d

Faaaaaaaaaaaake

vae

17d

This is bullshit. No one gets a restraining order without a court date. What a bizarre fabricated and unresearched story. Likely written by an incel. What a dork!!

Alert-Potato

17d

Clearly either Ana is crazy or you've failed to give a fair accounting of what happened to reddit. Doesn't matter either way, you need to keep this off the internet and listen to your attorney going forward.

But it's wild to me that your immediate reaction to being served a restraining order was to text the person who has the restraining order against you, then you use the phrase "like a full on criminal." Dude, you were served a restraining order and literally the first thing you did was violate it. That's full on criminal.

Ask your attorney for advice on how to collect your shit from your apartment without violating the restraining order, and otherwise do what they say.

SonOfSchrute

17d

NTA. That psycho played you. You need to go on the offensive immediately. Your parents are heroes for bringing you legal help

Longjumping_Thing661

17d

I don't think OP is telling us the whole story. You don't get a DVPO and arrested for violating it in the same day, if you're just trying to have a rational conversation. In order to obtain a DVPO, she had to be able to prove that you are a danger to her, and it seems like she did just that.