User deleted post
Given the situation, consider Journey. It's a calm, non-competitive game with beautiful visuals. The emphasis on exploration and emotional connection might not align with his preferences, nudging him away from gaming without a negative experience.
That is actually a great idea.
He's married to my cousin. I only interact with on the holidays.
I would still refuse to associate no matter the ties, he sounds like a major pain in the ass and I wouldn't be about to babysit an adult just because my cousin has garbage taste or some kind of saviour complex.
Trust me, I avoid him as much as I can.
That’s a lie
Why is this man who is old enough to be married needing to play video games during a visit with family? Surely he has a phone, or can purchase his own gaming device rather than ask permission to use someone else’s.
If the goal is to avoid addiction the best course of action is to simply not have them available for him.
He has played PC in the past. Recently he messaged me out of the blue asking "What kind of playstation do you have and do you play it?"
I say "A PS4 and yes, I do."
He responded with "Oh, I wanna play that, but don't wanna buy one."
I honestly think he just heard all the PS5 ads and remembered that I have a console.
Still no reason to let him use it
He was trying to scam your playstation off you.
"If you don't play it much, you could just give it to me"
I almost get the vibe that he'd ask to borrow it...
Can you introduce my husband into gaming . He has a very addictive personality so please make it unpleasant
- not a reasonable person
Not make it "unpleasant" more like make him think it's not his cup of tea.
You aren't obligated to do shit or really should. This probably won't do anything in the long run for him or your cousin. Gambling addiction isn't fixed by a teenager's smooth-brain solution of bad videogames.
This is him looking at gaming as a fab and this might steer him away from it. So it won't fix the situation completely, but it might spare their family a problem.
Gambling addiction isn't fixed by a teenager's smooth-brain solution of bad videogames.
He's in his 40s and his brain is pretty smooth.
Well, do as you wish. If it were me and he was an asshole, I'd simply be truthful with him. You'd be surprised how well that works. Plotting, scheming, and manipulation never leads anywhere good and usually backfires.
Fad.
You're not a shining star yourself.
User deleted comment
6mo
My cousin thinks he might get sucked in and turn the family's financial situation for worse. I know gaming is good, but the plan here is to show him that it's "not his thing."
And I ain't around him that much, but telling him he's an asshole is putting my cousin (his wife) under more fire. This really ain't my fight to escalate, bro.
If it's not your fight, don't get involved with it in the first place.
This train of thought is only going to end in arguments. Tell his wife to solve this problem without you. You absolutely don't want to get involved here
You clearly don't have problematic family you only see on the holidays.
Sounds like they are enabling him. Have the tough conversations and stop being a coward
User deleted comment
6mo
Dude. My cousin is in that kind of weird state where she complains to everyone about him, but also will defend him if we talk bad about him. This is a dysfunctional marriage, not "future felon" situation. Chill.
Show him the greatest games that he is likely to get addicted to. Let him keep piling up the 'L's' in his marriage, and your enabling cousin might actually get a clue and divorce this loser.
User deleted comment
6mo
You have zero chill taking this to a 100 with "future felon" and "take him to AA meetings."
I tell my cousin regularly that he's an asshole and that she should divorce him, but it's her decision to make. This is not something you intervene in to play "warrior" as you said.
But if she asks me to help her out with this little gaming thing, I will.
User deleted comment
6mo
Never said it has a happy ending. But you are viewing this as way more dire than it actually is. Clearly your personal experience put you on zero tolerance kind of mindset.
But this is a situation where my grown-ass cousin makes her own choices and while we all try and advise her, it's still up to her. Last thing I need is her telling me I fucked her "happy" marriage up.
User deleted comment
6mo
After reading other less extreme comments, the current plan is to set him up with Elden Ring and Death Stranding.
He either grows an appreciation for single-player games or he walks away.
And my cousin has her own plans to combat his vices, I am not part of that grand scheme.
Take the bullet then. If you 'fucked her "happy" marriage up', and she blames you for it, the bonus is: you still helped your cousin.
So my cousin (his wife) asked me to let him play some games, but preferably something that will turn him OFF gaming, so he doesn't get addicted to that as well.
So instead of being an equal partner with communication like in a healthy marriage she wants you to fenegle some social experiment where you show a guy one shitty game in a hobby of thousands of games resulting in it not deterring him or he can tell you the rest if your life video games are stupid and you have a stupid hobby?
My cousin thinks he might get sucked in and turn the family's financial situation for worse.
Plot twist, he's an asshole, nobody really likes him. He has an addictive personality, we're talking alcoholism, gambling debt and the like.
All of his problems and her marriage problems is beyond showing him a game that is too hard or childish or confusing.
If he’s an asshole, addict, and financially insecure maybe she needs to take a hard look at her relationship instead of goofy mind games.
I would keep it off or put it away and say it’s not available / set up because I’m focusing on my family during the holiday visits. Or just let him play it and let whatever naturally happens, happen.
I honestly think video games could potentially be good for the guy.
Finagle. Good word usage though, spot on.
So instead of being an equal partner with communication like in a healthy marriage she wants you to fenegle some social experiment where you show a guy one shitty game in a hobby of thousands of games resulting in it not deterring him or he can tell you the rest if your life video games are stupid and you have a stupid hobby?
I'm not the one married to him. Ideally I want him going "Oh, video games are not my thing." This is the same guy who asked me if I saw Everything Everywhere All At Once and then asked me to explain the plot to him after having seen it.
If he’s an asshole, addict, and financially insecure maybe she needs to take a hard look at her relationship instead of goofy mind games.
She thinks she can make it work and while we all tell her he's an asshole, I ain't gonna burn their marriage certificate for them. It's her life. And if she's asking me to do this as part of some master plan to fix him, I can at least do my tiny part.
I would keep it off or put it away and say it’s not available / set up because I’m focusing on my family during the holiday visits. Or just let him play it and let whatever naturally happens, happen.
It's the annual holiday visit, they will be here. You think I should just tell him the PS4 is broken?
You're definitely making it sound like some weird highschool games shit
Ever thought that maybe just maybe, a hobby like gaming could really mellow the guy out and turn his focus away from life destroying choices like drugs/alcohol and gambling? Just don't sit the man down on a loot box driven game dear lord...
This is exactly what I was thinking the entire time I'm reading the post. The guy OP is talking about seems to have some real issues and may need a hobby that can help him get passed some stuff. Video games is great for people going through depression, looking for others to share a interest with, and maybe even make long term friends. I think OP should be ENCOURAGING him to play video games instead of gambling/alcoholism. It might even bring him closer to the family.
I think OP should be ENCOURAGING him to play video games instead of gambling/alcoholism.
Exactly my thoughts too!
No, he's not the depressed kind of guy. He's more a dumbass who thinks that getting drunk is the height of joy. And that gambling is a sure way to get rich.
He also bragged about "having nothing to do at work" as a manager, so he spent his time reading books. He also bragged about hustling his subordinates into writing essays for him.
But like, I agree. Maybe giving him an interesting game will guide him towards a more productive hobby OR simply not align with his dumbass brain and have him quit gaming. That's a good idea, win-win.
P.S.: Your name caught me off guard for such a heartfelt post.
There's never a true way to see if someone is depressed. You can be depressed without being the "lay in a dark room all day and never shower" kind of guy. Some people who are out partying and having a crazy time with friends can be depressed behind the scenes. Maybe getting drunk and gambling is his way of coping with inner turmoil and trying to "get rich" through gambling is because he feels he doesn't have enough money for his wife. I feel he's obviously feeling something much deeper then just being this "asshole" you describe him as.
I ain't gonna go into all of the drama here. But I guess you're the see-the-best-in-people kind of person.
It's not really about seeing the best in people. It's just realizing that just because you see someone a certain way, there's still more going on you don't know about. People aren't usually assholes without having some other kind of negativity going on in there or past trauma. Have you ever had time to just sit down and spend time with him? If the only things you're hearing about him are from other people, maybe he has issues he needs help working through.
That's kinda the thing. We're like 90% sure he might get stuck in lootboxes and shit.
User deleted comment
6mo
He doesn't drink and drive, my dude.
User deleted comment
6mo
My cousin (his wife) drives him. You are making a lot of assumptions here.
OP is a lying asshole
Christ I can picture Christmas dinner in this family "Hey cousin, could you pass the buck please?"
Tell her to get his arse in rehab or something, it's not your job to nanny him for the day
I have told her that. Many times. He has been on and off the booze. And he's still visiting and rules of hospitality and all that.
If this is real it's extremely troubling and he needs therapy. If it's a joke then...it isn't really funny.
Sadly not a joke. And we're all concerned, but I'm not really in the position to go "you, divorce him and send him to therapy". I am just doing my cousin a favor here.
You're not doing anyone a favor with this sitcom nonsense.
Some families are just dramatic like that.
This may be the most toxic thing I've ever heard. If you actually think this will be an effective plan you need to grow up. This isn't how the real world works or how anyone has ever solved a serious problem.
I mean the sitcom plan, not the addiction part.
Like, listen, it's my cousin's choice, despite all of our advice, to continue on with the marriage. Being family is also knowing not to intervene unless asked to. I'm not saying this will fix everything, but if she thinks this will help, then I will do this for her.
Life ain't about these easy cut-and-dry solutions, my dude.
This is dumb and I would NEVER support a family member making a decision like this and I would never in a million fucking years enable them.
Well, I'm glad your extended family is free of such bullshit then.
No they are actually very full of that stuff so I went no contact years ago and have never looked back. I don't have time to run 3s company style schemes on inlaws. I'm an adult
Part of being an adult is actually keeping in contact with family, even the dysfunctional ones.
But if your cousin asks you to help out with a small thing, you do it.
I got off drugs with gaming. OP this post kind of makes you sound like a turd.
Anyone who is faced with this conundrum is probably a turd.
What I'm saying is: this isn't a real problem, you're a turd.
Just tell him no, and stop with the harebrained looney tunes shit. It’s fucking toxic and nasty that you would even consider doing this.
He's coming over anyway. What reason should I give him that I refuse to let him play the PS4?
Loan your PS4 out to a friend for the entire duration of the visit.
Also an option.
You don't need a reason. It is yours, you say no. End of conversation.
Do you people not have awkward family dinners on holidays? You all pretend to get along. It would be rude and everyone would be like "why not?"
Thats their problem not yours. You need to grow up and learn to deal with awkwardness like an actual adult instead of just trying to avoid it with these silly plots.
“Hi, I’d rather not let you play my PS4. Thanks.” And put it away before he gets there. Pretty fucking simple.
Do you people not have awkward family dinners on holidays? You all pretend to get along. It would be rude and everyone would be like "why not?"
I mean, tough shit? It’s your property and you don’t want somebody messing with it. It’s a much more adult path than your idea of terrorising him with bad games to what, teach him a lesson?
Here’s a thought: if you don’t like somebody, don’t invite them to dinner in the first place.
if you don’t like somebody, don’t invite them to dinner in the first place.
My god, you really don't have extended family, do you?
I have an enormous extended family.
I also know how to set personal boundaries. Maybe try it once in a while instead of trying to pull some nasty prank on somebody you don’t like just to exclude him from a hobby. It’s utterly nasty and more than a little bit pathetic.
Letting someone play a console is hardly the biggest personal boundary. Especially since I let my other cousin's kids play it at holiday gatherings such as this one.
And I honestly laugh a little every time someone jumps in to defend this guy over "excluding him from a hobby."
It’s also a boundary you clearly don’t want crossed.
Oh no, wait. You DO want it crossed, but you just want to find a way to subversively be nasty to somebody rather than deal with your issues like an adult.
Man, I’m not even going to bother replying to you anymore. You’re pathetic as fuck, and need to grow up. Both you and your cousin.
as you guys are getting way too heated about this
It's almost like you're trying to use puerile ruses and sophomoric manipulation when all of you need to get a grip, stop placating him and realize what addiction is.
Sure, he's an asshole, but don't you think gaming, as an addiction, is better than those other two? Or do you just not care at all, especially for your cousin?
OP is rather dumb but I don't understand you guys talking as if that man is going to become addicted to video games so hard that he is going to give up alcohol and gambling, he is perfectly capable of doing three things at once, he is somewhat of an adult not a complete toddler.
Not if he lootboxes the family's savings. Which is the main concern.
So far I am leaning towards Elden Ring and/or Death Stranding. He either becomes a single player gamer or he walks away.
Dealth stranding isna horrible idea. Sure he might be too impatient for the cut scenes. But the thrill of getting a package to it's destination at 100 durability will hook him. On time hell turn into a mule, stealing Amazon boxes off people's porches, till a plucky Amazon driver has had enough and breaks into his horde of elicit deliverables.
We have mailboxes, no one just leaves boxes outside here. But this might work. Thanks.
Wouldn't an addiction to gaming be better than alcohol or gambling?
Not if he gambles on the lootboxes...
This is dumb. Who gives a fuck what he does, if he likes games he’ll play them. If you don’t like him just ignore him
It’s a nice thought but, don’t get your hopes up. Assholes like him still have working brains. And he will know that not all games are the exact same. If it’s something he wants to try, he will probably keep trying even if you throw the worst possible game at him. He will find something he likes.
I think your cousin should try some different approaches like actually getting him help instead of tricking him into what she wants.
Like, she has gotten him on-and-off the booze and they are doing stuff on their own. It's not like this gaming plan is the solution to all of our problems.
If he starts gaming, he starts gaming, sure. But I honestly think he just say all of the Christmas ads about PS5 Slim and remembered I have a playstation of some sort.
Fun fact: he has a son who I played the PS4 with when he visited. Yet when the in-law did not once mention his son or that he's possibly considering buying HIM a console or anything. He just said "i wanna play it, but don't wanna buy one.'
Death stranding is a great shout. That mission carrying the body up the hill with basically no augments and basic equipment is such a pain in the backside.
I am definitely installing it.
Maybe just say he can't play it? You sound old enough to set boundaries. Also, you're not legally obligated to hang out with relatives you know? My fucked up family will never see my face again until they're looking in my casket (except not really because I'll actually be ashes).
I am old enough, but also we're all set into this awkward family dinner routine for the holidays. My cousin is showing up with the whole family, so he's gonna be there with the rest of them.
I mean I could say the PS4 is broken?
My fucked up family will never see my face again until they're looking in my casket (except not really because I'll actually be ashes).
That sounds rough. Glad you're doing fine on your own.
If the routine sucks, don't participate. Just go somewhere else when the family comes over. Go to a friend's house. Go see a movie. Go to a restaurant. If they ask why you're leaving, just tell the truth, whatever that may be.
Also, I have a few good friends I would trust my life with. I'll take a good found family over obligatory shitty family any day.
If the routine sucks, don't participate. Just go somewhere else when the family comes over. Go to a friend's house. Go see a movie. Go to a restaurant. If they ask why you're leaving, just tell the truth, whatever that may be.
I'm the one hosting the family get together. Not at the age where I can play the teenage loner and slip out.
Also, I have a few good friends I would trust my life with. I'll take a good found family over obligatory shitty family any day.
Those friends are the best. I am happy for you.
Not at the age where I can play the teenage loner and slip out.
Then set your boundaries like an adult. ESPECIALLY if you're hosting at what I would assume is your house. I wrote from a younger perspective because this whole thing is immature. None of this is hate. Genuinely hope shit works out but with all due respect, stop playing mind games and just act like an adult and say no.
Edit: Or don't. You do you
If this dude has a gambling addiction do NOT show him anything even remotely close to Fortnite. He’ll spend the mortgage on a fuckin battle pass.
Duly noted.
How short is this visit? Just let him play whatever. He's gonna see all the games on your home menu anyways.
It's like an evening. And I ain't gonna have all of them installed. We're talking 1-2 hours.
Isn’t console gaming a perfect replacement for alcholism and money gambling? An Xbox Series S and gamepass ultimate and he can be addicted to gaming instead of ruining his finances or health.
You’re going through a lot of trouble for someone you shouldnt give a shit about. Hide your ps4 while they’re over and tell them it broke if they ask.
How exactly does putting this man in frustrating situations supposed to help his alcoholism. You're absolutely insane and so is his wife. Sit down and talk to him. Get him real fucking help instead of this nonsense.
Just tell him he can't?
One of the harder survival games maybe? For an easily frustrated person, it might piss him off having to restart over and over again.
Such as?
User deleted comment
6mo
Thanks, will look into it.
oh yeah, hardest playstation survival game
Don't drop him in a game with shops, battle passes, or cash shops. Gambling debt/addiction will only be reinforced with such predatory business models. Elden Ring and the likes will only reinforce that cycle of failure until you beat the boss, so it will just keep him more engaged or just turn him off from even playing that specific game, not entirely sure what the goal is here other than to prove you just can't beat the boss when you're dropped into a game without any knowledge.
I'll be honest, when it comes to addictive personality, gaming is just another vice. Some will spend and burn countless hours playing games, while others will spend it doing drugs, or drinking. What he needs is help.
Your plan has no real guarantees. You want to force teamwork, or have a risk free plan when it comes to addiction, sit down and play a board game with him.
No. The plan is to show him that gaming might not be his thing as to avoid him sinking money into consoles (as his family is in debt).
Curing his addictions is my cousin's problem, as in, she has some plan and steps towards that, we're not intervening.
This is me being asked to avoid getting the guy sucked into the gaming wormhole.
I'm sorry dude, but the gaming industry is so vast. You barely know him on a personal level and what his interests are, what keeps him engaged/challenges him, or what feeds into his addiction. This plan has a 9/10 chance of failing.
What happens if he does get sucked in? Who do you think gets the flak? Not him that's for sure, your cousin will probably turn on you for sucking him in. This is incredibly childish, you say you don't want to get involved, yet here you are, getting involved. Just say your PS4 is broken and save yourself the trouble my dude. This doesn't end well for anyone if it fails.
I kinda know the guy enough to say that a Kojima game would drive him away.
But if it does fail, I won't get the blame, don't worry about that.
The problem is you're enabling him, and opening the door to further addiction in many ways that you probably don't understand yet. Don't open that door to begin with, leave it where it's currently at.
Duly noted.
You ain't noting shit. You're gonna go through with this asinine plan despite aaaallll the suggestions against it.
I am noting all the opinions, but ultimately making my own decision here.
Sekiro. Tell him all games are like that.
If he somehow manages to dominate that game, continue with Dark Souls games until he gives up.
The thing is, I kinda feel for the guy. It seems like he wants a healthier addiction and I don’t know why you’d want to introduce him to something he’d hate versus encouraging him to make better choices. Play some Valheim. It’s a great feeling to look back and see how you’ve made a village after surviving all that game throws at you.
tell him all games are like that
The guy isn't developmentally disabled, I'm sure he has some knowledge of what a fuckin video game is lmao
Trust me, don't feel for the guy.
He messaged me out of the blue asking "What kind of playstation do you have and do you play it?"
I say "A PS4 and yes, I do."
He responded with "Oh, I wanna play that, but don't wanna buy one."
I honestly think he just heard all the PS5 ads and remembered that I have a console.
That doesn’t seem like an issue, that seems like a guy trying to be social.
Good luck.
Elden Ring with no context. I can’t think of a worse experience. Overwatch is fun chaos so I think he might like that. Sekiro for a different kind of impossible. Forza is tough to just pick up and drive well. Any modern fighter on the hardest difficulty or online. The skill gap from normal to hard in SF or MK is absurd.
Fighting Games might be a thing he button mashes and thinks he's having fun. Elden Ring might work.
How about introducing him to Stardew Valley? It's a chill farming game that might not align with his usual preferences. It's all about peaceful farming and community, a far cry from competitive or intense gaming experiences.
The catch here is that I don't have Stardew Valley and he'd like just ask me to put another game on.
he'd just ask me to put another game on
Ya... I mean literally any game you gave that he doesn't like will end in this outcome. Whole plan is dumb tbh
Give him red dead 2 to play, he will get bored to death and when he sees this doo-doo ass gameplay he will get burned
I don't have Red Dead 2, as I got bored of Red Dead 1 and didn't buy the sequel.
Looks like it’s the perfect title to keep an asshole from playing then
Gaaat Dayum!
I'm not buying it for that reason only.
Elden Ring and tell him that to progress, you have to beat the guy on the horse as soon as you’re out of the tutorial area.
Ohoho. yes.
Gollum
Not buying Gollum for this.
Find any game that has shit reviews like Gollum or The Day Before.
MOBAs should be a good way to deter people from playing.
I’d also try games like animal crossing. I feel like he’d hate it.
PS4, so no Animal Crossing.
And not buying Gollum for this shit.
Only MOBA I have is SMITE.
Try Just Dance instead
Don't have that.
Dayz
Least friendly to newer gamers? Stick him in a battle royale
Hyperscape comes to mind
That game shut down, my dude.
Oof lol
only up or jump king
Devious, but he'd probably just request a different game, saying he doesn't like puzzles.
Last of us 2?
Don't have that...
If you have a computer, introduce to him one of the most widely known games ever…
Solitaire
He's an office worker. mid-tier manager. I'm sure he knows.
I'd say make him play any dark souls game. There are two outcomes: 1 he wont know what he's doing so he will get infuriated and stop gaming forever or he will actually get gud and the experience will change him As a person and he will be nice
Maybe the game that takes litterally 400 days to complete ? dont remember his name but it's pretty fkg slow like u wait 10 hour for droplets to fill out a bucket and other shits like that dunno if it's available on ps4 tho
Let them play sea of thieves online by then self might do it?
On PS4, so it's not an option.
He doesn't need to "quit gaming." He just needs to quit team PvP.
More like we need him to avoid Pay-2-Win.
So, my opinion on this, the thing that really helped me, is to shift his attitude away from needing to get everything out of a game. Subscription services like PS Plus Extra and Gamepass are good about this because games become more "disposable." You clear the game as quickly as you want, and then move on to the next one.
Let him play La-Mulana. That game leaves some scars on your soul. It's wayyyy more difficult than anything Elden Ring and the like, because it has puzzles and shitty controls. He probably won't make it through the first map, and good luck not getting soft/hardlocked without finding the holy grail.
You probably don't own this hidden gem, it's great if you're a metroidvania fan and have a capability for creative thought. But for anyone else, have fun accidentally unlocking hard mode by reading the same tablet twice (you cannot rescue your save). That game is mean.
I play overwatch. He would do nothing other than reinforce his bad traits if he played. People don't learn to play on teams in overwatch, they are either already team players or completely selfish garbage ones. If their aim can carry them, they will keep playing, but if not they will just blame lag or teammates before ragequtting. Then, they'll hop online and shit on the designers and blizzard. Maybe theyll make a steam account and give it a negative review to stay trendy on Reddit.
Damn I’d be putting his ass on Farm Simulator
Pathologic. He'll hate games after that one. Or he'll become a masochust, one of the two.
Make him the second player on Animal Crossing NH. Sure cheesed me right off when I found out I couldn't play the story line or make essential tools.
Any From Softeware game. Either he despises gaming or learns something about himself and pain..
Make sure you have no credit cards linked to your console. You don't need him buying stuff like games or in game stuff.
Polybius is fictional, but it sounds like exactly what you are looking for.
The myth was that people in black suits would wheel a polybius machine into an arcade, and everything would be very hush hush.
The game however, would be both absorbing and repelling, essentially making gamers no longer want to game at all.
So fortnite in 1987.
Or just launch him straight into Fate Grand Order and laugh as it destroys his life with it's gambling mechanics.
Just install LoL and let him queue unranked. He willplay 5 games max and never play again. Tell him all online games are like this.
Factorio or Europa universalis 4 or any game with a really steep learning curve. If he really is dumb as you say, with those games he will never touch a keyboard or a controller for his entire life
Put some cocaine in front of him and I absolutely promise you he will have zero interest at all in video games!
The only idea I would have is to never encounter him