Meetups that are only for trans men

Trans men are often pushed to the side or spoken over at general queer, or general trans, events. So it makes sense that some would arrange events only for trans men.

If the wording was implying that the exclusion was necessary for safety, that's a whole different matter, and is totally transmisogynistic.

I mean if I wanted to go to, say, an event for Filipinos specifically and someone was like “well shouldn’t it be opened up to all racial minorities?” I’d be kinda put out. It’s okay for groups to have something just for themselves!

And like others said, trans men have a lot of experience being shoved to the side or being told their feelings and experiences don’t matter (especially if they’re binary) so to then want to intrude on something they’ve formed for themselves when so few spaces are truly accommodating seems more icky to me. I genuinely don’t think it’s a transmisogyny thing.

Same reason for any type of specific group. It’s nice to get together with people with shared experiences sometimes.

All minority groups benefit from "us only" spaces. They are a vital component to community especially for marginalized groups.

I have seen concerns in this sub about events that label themselves as "women and nonbinary" or "women and ftm" because it groups transmasc folks with women which is gross and they often exclude trans women which is also gross. Not all "us only" events are done appropriately, but that doesn't mean all of them are bad.

I am curious, does your partner think trans women only events shouldn’t exist either?

General trans events play a different role than events specific to just trans men or just trans women, and both types of events are important.

You can literally make any exclusive social group you want and it isn't inherently offensive/rude.

Not being invited is not a slight against them.

If the group was somehow being misogynistic or transphobic toward trans women and non-binary people that would be a problem, but saying "I want to hang out with people of X demographic because I am X demographic at this designated event for X demographic" is not, by itself, a problem.

From personal experience when I’ve been to trans events I’ve been called GIRLFRIEND repeatedly when I’m a trans guy and explicitly said I’m a trans man and my pronouns are he/him. I’d welcome a ftm space to avoid the misgendering from other trans people. (I know not all spaces will misgender people)

Sometimes men feel the primal urge meet up with the boys to gather at the beach, build elaborate chair and umbrella set ups, stand in ankle deep water with our hand on our hips and debate what is/isn’t a rip tide, and dig random holes in the sand for fun. Trans men get left out of so many events…let us have our own once in a while

Trans people are allowed to have support groups and meet ups with other individuals within their specific subset of transness. Minorities are allowed to create spaces for themselves that exclude others, even if those others are of a similar or overreaching umbrella minority that includes them.

People with specific cancers and allowed to create a support group for people with their specific cancer.

Protestants love to make their own special heresy churches. Gay men get to run their own bathhouses that don't have straight men in mind. Lesbians are able to make their biker gangs. BDSM clubs don't have to cater to people whose idea of kinky is occasional spanking. Bears get to make their own beach get togethers in my state, and I've never heard a single peep about it being too exclusive and having no reason to exist because BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TWINKS????

Trans men over thirty do not have to cater to trans women, or non-binary people, or to trans men under thirty. It is literally just not about them. It does not have to be about them. They can make their own events.

People need to shut up and stop policing trans men via toxic masculinity. Let trans men have fucking communities, they already get shut out of everything that should include them. Fucking Christ. No one does this to cis queer men. They don't need a defense. No one needs to fawn and validate self-absorbed nonsense about how trans men are somehow the main offender of femoid exclusionary behavior when "Women and non-binarys" is just as bad if not a worse dog whistle that OPENLY demands anyone too male adjacent pull out a hyper femme womb vagina in order to earn support.

The valid defense is simply that FtMs are allowed their own spaces and events. We share a common experience and are allowed to socialize in dedicated spaces and with people who are most like ourselves at the exclusion of others. We continually have to justify holding and taking space for ourselves, for each other, and for our community. Tiptoeing around and managing everyone else’s feelings at the expense of own feelings and needs and of our community’s. As far as I’m concerned, if someone has a problem with it then it is their problem that they need to resolve with themselves.

I got this response from a few ppl in my life when I was prepping to go to camp lost boys and I've seen it in every post about the camp as well. In my city there are only trans women & fems spaces/events and general trans spaces/events. I hope to make spaces/events for trans men & mascs when I'm well again. Also, encourage my nonbinary friends to do the same.

I don't find issue in things being specific and actually believe it is necessary for the overall social health of the community.

I think it's important for ppl who share the most similar experiences to have space to relate, share knowledge (I learned so much at CLB I would never have anywhere else), vent and check each other amongst ourselves if someone is out of line. Hopefully that will translate to general trans stuff being less prone to friction.

Honestly, I'd love something like this. Where I'm at, it's mostly trans women. And they love to talk about how much womanhood has saved them or loop things back to how good transitioning is (at least if you're becoming a woman). And I'm gonna be honest, I don't feel that way. Because I'm not a woman. And I very much do not like to hear about how much of a blessing being a woman is. I just wanna grab some drinks with the bros and be stupid about rolling rocks down a cliff or somethin. Where we reaffirm each other by being pretty heavy on the male-centric language. I want the "man" experience I haven't gotten to have so far because I've been a "woman."

I hope that makes sense. Trans women welcome if they want to be one of the bros, and if they don't, well cool, I'll be over here doin my thing.

I think every community has a need for both mixed spaces and affinity spaces. Yes, it's important not to push trans women to the side, and it's important to have all-inclusive trans spaces for that reason. And yes, it is weird to justify trans men's affinity spaces as "needing space away from all these trans women who take up too much room all the time." But to be honest, not to sound too bro-ey, but... we all need spaces just for guys and dudes sometimes.

By that logic, wouldn’t this sub also be transmisogynistic then?

We have unique experiences as trans men/trans mascs and deserve to have our own spaces.

frequently, whenever I see trans meetup events, they specifically exclude trans men, so I never feel included in my own community (except at pride, but even then I felt weird cuz of the exclusion in my area before)

Whenever I’m in a general trans space I get spoken down to, or people say all men are awful, or I’m just their man lite/token. So I prefer transmasc/trans man only places

I’m in the uk and I’ve never even encountered or heard about any trans masc specific events near me. But I see a lot of femme only evenings - That being said I don’t encounter a lot of trans masc individuals in general so maybe there’s just not a big enough crowd for it around here? Idk

There’s plenty of groups I could go to to share space with trans women. In fact, the majority of spaces cater to trans women, including support groups. There are also thousands of groups specifically for trans women.

It’s absolutely fine if I want to hang out with the boys without a woman around. It’s also perfectly fine if the women want to hang out with the girls without men around.

i don't think it's about safety, it's just about having a space with others of a similar experience. single gender vs mixed gender spaces are just a different vibe. the majority of trans people are nonbinary, followed by trans women, followed by trans men. trans men are likely to be the minority in mixed gendered trans spaces, and i've personally felt that extremely often. it's not that mixed gender spaces don't have a space but just as transfemmes have their own get togethers which feel more in-community so do transmascs. i don't get why it's an issue? why does this need a "valid defense" at all? i've never heard of trans women feeling outcast in trans spaces.

Yes there is. Just as there is a need for gay male only spaces as oppsed to general lgbt spaces, we have different needs, and as men we often get ignored or shoved to the side as we’re seen as ‘less opressed’  Absolutely trans women also need safe spaces, but it’s okay to have some separate events. Trans women and trans men have very different experiences, and allowing men our own space lets us bond over shared experience, which is harder to do in a general trans space

Trans women can often be a toxic shock of femininity and are often overrepresented in the media. Sometimes it's just nice to have a day with people like you

I went to a summer camp called camp lost boys, it was specifically for trans men and was much needed. I can’t speak for all trans men but I feel like I can’t speak up in a lot of queer or trans spaces because I’m a man. It was healing and helped a lot of men find safety in their masculinity. Trans men are so often ignored in trans spaces or were afraid to take up space.

i've seen several trans women/amab only meetups, for online and irl. there's nothing wrong with meetup of your specific community that doesn't include a larger community

It’s a beach day for men over 30. It’s not exclusionary any more than a beach day for women over 30 is. (which is to say; not at all).

In trans spaces theres always a big focus on trans women and it feels like trans men are pushed aside or have our experiences downplayed. Theres always the sentiment of “it’s not as bad for you, because youre a man.”

Well, yeah, its a lot worse for trans women and, generally, trans guys have it a bit easier. But its a hell of a lot harder being a trans man than it is being a cis man, and sometimes i just want to spend time around other people who get that. Sometimes i want to spend time with people who get what im going through. Theres nothing “transmisogynistic” about that.

Ive noticed many times in the trans community that people are happy to go out of their way to say “no men allowed” and joke about how not including trans men must be so “gender affirming” for us, but the second we say “this event is for men”, we get accused of being raging misogynists who refuse to be in the same space as women.

As far as your sentiments go, OP, I feel like calling a group of 30 year old guys wanting to hang out with other 30 year old guys a “hyperspecific group” just because its trans men wanting to spend time with other trans men is (at best) absolutely ridiculous.

To the point of “just pair off with other guys at a trans meetup”, I want to ask you to imagine how that sounds reversed. (again, absolutely ridiculous)

MtF events exist, FtM events exist, and Trans events exist. Exactly how theres women only events, men only events, and mixed events in the world of cis people. It’s a non-issue.

At this point, it just seems like we’re assigning this weird hidden meaning where there isnt one, just for the sake of demonizing trans men further.

Not everything has to include every possible type of person. Sometimes events are only meant for a specific type of person, and thats fine. There’s other events that cater to other specific types of people.

Oh, I've been to one of these groups. The ones hosted in NYC are just one facet of trans specific meet ups. There's been picnics, weekly meetups, and other one off activities by different groups that focus on trans masc, trans femmes, and nonbinary people. I've met really good friends at all of these types of hyperspecfic meetups. The trans guys over 30 fills the gaps that a lot of other meetups lack, which that they're mostly people in their 20's. I see nothing wrong with trans men wanting to meet other "older" trans men. And these affinity groups do collaborations all the time. And yes, there most definitely are a few non specific trans meetups. TMO3 is just hitting a target group. As for the transmisogyny of including trans men in these groups.... The mass majority of these spaces that do that have yet to scare off many trans women I've met there, and it still fosters community in an open and joyful way. Transfemmes have specific groups too. It's simply a way to meet one another.

I feel like other trans men would get me wearing a binder at the beach more than general trans people and honestly i would feel more comfortable in that situation. like specially for a beach event, for trans guys that feels like more than just a simple casual social event. i can’t just take my shift off only binder in front of most ppl.

I would love an all trans man meetup. I want to talk to people who share my experiences. It has nothing to do with a dislike of anyone else, it’s just that sometimes you want to be with people just like you.

It doesn’t seem hyperspecific to me. And why the f not? We are here discussing this in an ftm subreddit for crying out loud, with over 200,000 members.

The only places I have actually had to deal with really shitty things said to me were in coed trans meet ups. I go to the FTM meetups occasionally just because I'd like to be able to talk and not be talked over, or just plain ignored entirely like I ceased to exist.

The reason there are FTM only spaces is how we get treated in other spaces far too often, and it's exhausting.

People like to meet with people who have shared experiences. Plus we aren’t the dominant group in society. There aren’t many (if any) spaces that are automatically assumed to be for trans people. So, we have to create our own spaces. There is plenty of room to have FTM spaces and MTF spaces and ones that are for all transgender people. We can also have mens and women’s spaces where everyone who IDs that way is invited. IMO, It doesn’t need to be as complicated as people make it out to be.

With that said, there are some gray areas I’ve run into. Like a person who is NB but “fits” better with FTMs. Or a NB person who resonates more with women. Some people also experience their gender fluid from one day to another. I feel like it’s important to be empathetic to this, even if one doesn’t change their event.

i do think there are just trans people meetups where everyone of any transgender is included. i dont know exactly why but i think its just so people can relate to eachother. side note : they should have younger beach trips though for ftm kids. but overall, i personally think its just a "get to know eachother" or a relatable environment for people.

i mean i’ve seen a lot of communities that are general trans groups and a lot of the time they mostly have trans women so i don’t think it’s exclusionary to want to have an ftm meet up so you can meet up with people that match your experience more- it’s kinda like having an mlm meet up and someone saying it’s exclusionary to not include wlw in the meetup because they’re both queer, you’re probably having the meetup to meet people with similar experiences with loving men, not cause you want to exclude women-

let us have our own thing, like a boys nigh out, its not sexist just because its for the boys

I think this is a good idea. My local community has trans women only events. It’s nice to have a space for people similar to you, and I’d personally prefer if trans men created similar events rather than co opting spaces made by and for trans women (speaking only about my local area irl). Trans men should have the same spaces and access, and it would suck if your event was co opted into a space it wasn’t intended to be.

Nothing wrong with affinity groups. Trans men only meetup sounds relatively not transmisogynistic to me - the real bullshit is "AFAB only" (which is unfortunately a real thing in some places)

i don’t relate to nonbinary people’s experience most of the time, and a lot of trans spaces are saturated by an overwhelming nonbinary majority. i have such a hard time coming across other trans men unless i really really search for them, and even so, get treated weirdly in a lot of other lgbt spaces because people kind of forget trans men exist, and either assume i’m not lgbt at all or that im gay. i would’ve really liked to go to a beach meetup for trans guys tbh

Trans girl here. I think that events and spaces only for trans men make sense.

Tho I think those spaces should always be slightly flexible especially because some people are still questioning their gender. But sometimes you stumble upon that one person who doesn't officially fit the group membership criteria (i.e. being transmasc) but does have some strong vibes of being trans masc or who faces very similar struggles (e.g. perhaps a detrans cis man or a man who was prevented from being masculine by their parents who really wanted a girl).

Id hoped for a transman only meet up when i was just starting to transition. But then i learned theres a lot of internalized transphobia in transmen communities. (I understand its like that with transwomen communities to) And because im not passing, i get cold shouldered. I only fit in with others like me who outwardly queer, gender nonconforming in representation. Im also two spirit so i didn’t grow hardly any face or body hair. Passing as a native american man, yes i do!

Do they have the same complaint over transfem exclusive events?

Transfem exclusive events seem far more common than transmasc exclusive events in my experience (not that we have either locally, but I've seen this sentiment from transmascs often online.)

Transmascs already have an issue of being spoken over irt our experiences as TRANSmascs, often told our experiences aren't worth putting a name to for example (a lot of people outrage over terms like "transmisandry", "anti-transmasculinity", etc because there isn't a "systemic issue of misandry or anti-masuclinity"); people see us as having privilege due to our masculinity - so much privilege that it overrides the the transphobia and systemic issues we DO face.

People seem to understand why transfems need exclusive spaces, but don't have the same understanding for why transmascs need our own terms or exclusive spaces. And this kind of thought just further emphasises the invisibility we face as transmascs tbh.

I don't think there's anything wrong with transmasc exclusive spaces but I understand your partner being offended if it's not inclusive of afab enbies