Women, how long does it take you to decide if you want to be someone’s girlfriend?

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Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. If she's acting like your girlfriend but doesn't want the commitment, that's a major red flag. Don't waste your time on someone who can't make up their mind.

I hate this it's been 3 months if someone you're seeing regularly doesn't want to be your partner in that time...to me, they just don't want to be with me. They are waiting to see if something better will come along or they are commitphobic. She's 38. Not 28 or 18...3 months is enough time to know. Just my 2 cents for whatever it's worth to you.

43F here and I don’t have interest, nor time (4 kids 50% of the time + typical FT job) to date multiple people. I just committed to being exclusive with my current partner after about 3 weeks; also the same timeline that we started sleeping together.

I think it’s a red flag if she’s not willing to commit after 3+ months and both of yours ultimate goal is a long term relationship.

She has already made it clear. She does not want any commitment, so now the ball is in your court to decide what to do. If your end goal is a relationship it’s not going to be with this woman.

I'm coming from Eastern Europe. If we go on a date, and if we have sex, we are bf/gf. There's no such thing as acting like a girfriend but "I don't want the commitment". That's BS, and a red flag that she doesn't take you seriously.

I mean, call me old-fashioned, but I date to find a long term comitted relationship that could turn into marriage. I don't date, so I have someone to fuck and I don't feel alone, and someone validates me.

Since March is a long time to be seeing each other without any commitment. I’ve always known within a month.

She wants to have someone to go out on dates with and she knows you'll always be there for her unless she sleeps with another person. She knows she can flirt, see others, and you'll still take her out and pay her way. She is probably using you to be honest. She wants someone to spend the weekend with but she'll never be your girlfriend. Women usually know pretty quickly and by 3 months they definitely know. End it because you like her more and she is just in it for what she can get. Stop spending any money on her if you have been and see what happens? If it was me, I'd end it permanently. You're wasting your time with this one.

I wouldn’t be doing this. If I treat a man like he’s my man, it’s because he’s my man. None of this bs. Tell her how you feel and what you want, and be prepared to walk away and find someone better for you.

Damn this type of shit still happens at almost 40 years old? ☠️ bleak

3 months and she's not sure? She doesn't want to get locked down. Move on, you're not getting exclusivity out of her.

I knew the moment I saw my boyfriend that I wanted to be his girlfriend and wife.

That is weird that she doesn't want a relationship even after seeing each other for 2 to 3 months. That is usually a normal time frame for people to want to make things serious.

I would just break it off. Tell her you had fun but you are looking for something more serious.

Or if you're really invested, ask her what's her timeframe and see if you could wait around or not.

You two are 38 years old with teenager issues. A 38 yr old woman shouldn't be playing games.

Huge red flag. You want to hear the opposite of what she is saying. Drop her and move on. Tell her you’re dropping her because you desire to be in a relationship. See what she says. Sometimes the possibility of loss motivates people.

it is a big red flag. if you want a relationship just go. she knows.

If she was into you like you are her she would tell you.

Sounds like she is keeping her options open of hesitating for some other reason.

Not everyone is the same but if I am into a guy I let them know it.

Sounds like she is waiting for someone else to be available.

Evan Marc Katz advises women to wait 2-3 months before committing - making sure it’s the real him. However, he also says no sex until exclusivity, so it doesn’t sound like she’s following his advice. I dated multiple people for 2-3 months before committing. I didn’t have sec with anyone until commitment/exclusivity. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Ask her why she doesn’t want exclusivity and if she’s talking to other people.

3 months is definitely enough time to know if you want a future with someone.

Honestly if I’m not feeling it by 3 months I’m never going to feel it.

Ask and discuss what you want. After 2-3 months we are either in a relationship or not. Exclusivity exists with a title and behavior for me its a package deal.

Looks like she sees you as fwb. The question is wether or not you want that. If not, leave her.

What was the dispute about?

You are 2-3 months in dating this woman. That’s typically the time zone to make things official. I’m very much in the camp of it’s the woman’s job to make the ask. Try and rush a woman into commitment and bad things can happen. Understand Briffault’s law and you will understand why you should ALWAYS wait for the woman to ask for commitment.

This woman hasn’t asked. Indeed she told you she’s not ready. That’s not good. If she had grown any sort of significant level of feeling for you she would at least STFU. Who brought up the “inform about sleeping with others” agreement? You really can’t know if she’s seeing anyone or not. If she is, after dating you for this long, she’s not taking you seriously.

Question is though, what do YOU want? If exclusivity, time to put her in the clock. One more month say. She doesn’t make the ask before then, you are OUT. Or at least you start the slow fade and see if she steps up. But it’s important you maintain frame here. She needs to make the ask. Never forget that.

I (38m) have been seeing someone (38f) regularly and consistently since March. We had our first dispute this week, which was resolved, but in that conversation she mentioned she’s not ready to be my girlfriend or call me her boyfriend.

You should value yourself more than this. You've been seeing each other for ~3 months.

I feel like unless there are major red flags (in which case you would just stop dating the person) if you are undecided on whether you want someone to be your boyfriend/girlfriend after 3 months means the answer is no.

Frankly, I would think so after the first 2-3 weeks.

I met my boyfriend last month. I feel that I know enough about him to feel comfortable to be in a relationship with him. He is so kind and intelligent.

Had a situation almost exactly like this. She said she wanted absolutely no commitment or exclusivity. I decided right then that she was permanently out of the running for serious relationship material, but I did really enjoy spending time with her and being her friend. So we continued on that way for a year or so, occasionally being FWB and other times being platonic. I enjoyed it for what it was and didn’t expect anything beyond it. It’s up to you what to do from here. If you want to maintain a relationship that’s fine, if not then just move on and say your goodbyes.

I am going on 5 years...LOL. she doesn't want to see me with a other women and states that she doesn't want to be with anyone else.... BUT I am not the man she want to marry. So not a girlfriend. Funny enough she was recently worried how she would tell her family that she has been seeing me for years and has been lying to them.

To answer your title question: I usually know if I DO want to be someone's girlfriend pretty soon (like 4 dates). But I'd wait maybe 3 months before becoming official because that's the time it takes for me to really get to know someone enough. Before that, you're still finding out a lot of new things and flaws that you have to decide if they're flaws for you. I don't want to break up with someone after 2 months together, so I'd rather wait about 3 months of consistently seeing each other. I've also dated guys with whom I first thought I wanted to be in a relationship, but then after about 2 months, I found out they weren't the person for me or I started having doubts.

To answer your post: It doesn't sound like she is interested in a relationship with you. It sounds like she likes doing relationship things, but doesn't want to label it. Why? I have no idea. Some people are afraid of commitment or just don't like commitment.

I do have to admit that it took my boyfriend a long time to commit as well. Now we're very happy together. But he was afraid of commitment because of past relationships, and he was very open about it. He did say he did really want a relationship, and I would've left if he said he didn't know when he wanted that or if he said he didn't know if he wanted it. He was just afraid to ask the question, but he did want to be the one to ask the question (which I also wanted because I wanted to make sure he wanted it). In past relationships, he experienced that the whole dynamic changed after he got into a relationship, and he felt stuck. He had to figure things out for himself in order to not repeat things. It really sucked, but we got through it together. And I had known him for a long time before that.

If this girl says she just isn't ready and doesn't say why or when she will be ready, then I wouldn't continue dating her. If she does say why and you have a good conversation about it, then think for yourself if she's worth it. Because you'll stay in limbo for a long time, and you will not know if you're ever going to leave that limbo because even if you're sure she wants to leave the limbo sometime, you're not sure if you can wait. But once you get out of it, it can be great.

If you were what she is looking for ,she would be all over you. You are just a place holder until ,,better" specimen comes along. If you can cut your emotions off and just F her ,do it. If you can't ,if you really feel something for her, then you are in for a rough ride so you should just cut contact. You will be replaced eventualty and if that does not happen ,she might stick around and even keep you as a plan B. Personally i would stop seeing her cuz i am not a spare tyre rotting in trunk. Good luck bro!

Hey my friend. I tell you with someone whose been with a few girls like this, if you wish, and you do sound like you wish, to progress and get close with someone, which is the healthy apprach of you ask me, then 100% cut this & move on.

Hear you gut feelings & give yourself what you deserve. Girls tie you around, for their own validations and all meanwhile you waste your time and effort and then you find someone amazing and don’t have energy to give.

Trust me, she isn’t giving you what you need and the respect so best to quietly end it and move forward.

You’re not her first choice, just enjoy the ride until you find someone that suits you better.

You, my friend, are in a situationship. Personaly I don't think it's going anywhere. It's up to you to decided if you want to keep seeing this person "in limbo" or move on to someone who will be willing to commit to you.

It's hard to put time frame x down on when I know I want to be in a relationship with someone. It depends on many variables.

I would not let three months pass that are basically like a relationship without both partners being clear on where we are heading.

I do take time to get to know someone before moving forward, but in a way I know quite quickly if we are compatible. If I keep seeing you, I'm still interested. If we start to behave like boyfriend and girlfriend for me it would indicate we are heading towards a relationship. I would still check in with my partner though to see if we are still on the same page. I say still because I check that what he is looking for aligns with what I'm looking for at the beginning of seeing someone new.

In your case I feel that she is not interested in you. By now she should know you well enough to know. And indeed she knows, she does not want to be your girlfriend. She however seems to want to keep you around for whatever reason. Maybe you are good for now but she is also at the same time looking for what she really wants? That sucks for you but at least she is somewhat honest in saying she does not want commitment. Actions and words speak different languages though, so I get why you are confused. You probably like her quite a bit and she is showing you she likes you too by acting like your girlfriend, but ultimately it's not the full truth that she's showing you as her heart does not seem to be in it. It's just might be convenient for her to go along with at the moment.

You definitely deserve better than this. I would not go on like this much longer and look for someone who is willing to commit and doesn't just want something casual until something better comes along.

Personally is not about time. Is about him proving to me that is is trustworthy, kind and communicative and has emotional intelligence. Also if we have good sex.

It usually takes me about few weeks for to know if i want to PURSUE something serious . Like if we had a good connection , physically and emotionally compatible, etc, and then in takes me maybe around 3 months for me to start seeing that i want a real relationship, that’s usually when i see their lifestyle , little more serious conversations happen about our future goals , plans , i meet their friends , I would ask her what she wants and let her know that ultimately you would want an actual relationship at some point

month or 2

she’s not ready to be my girlfriend or call me her boyfriend. But she is 38? I can imagine someone in their 20's would be all over the place but not a woman who is almost 40. I think there are deeper issues there - most likely related to commitment - and you have to ask yourself are you willing to wait until she makes up her mind and also accept the fact, she may never know. But from a female perspective, she may just not see a future with you and she is holding out for someone else. Shitty thing to do, but that's life. I think your values don't align here and it's best to part ways and find someone who wants commitment.

There are a lot of women who’ve done this to me. Both men and women are dishonest about what they want with themselves let alone other people

It’s not a bit of a red flag, it’s a giant one. I’d be willing to put money on she is entertaining other men. If she doesn’t want to be your gf stop treating her like one. If she wants to be casual, treat her casual, start looking for someone who wants what you want.

In my personal experience, I know within a month if a guy is boyfriend material. HOWEVER every woman is different, and that doesn’t mean those dudes became my boyfriend without us having a conversation about if we wanted to be exclusive/in a relationship.

If a woman is straight up telling you she doesn’t want to be committed but would be upset if you weren’t exclusive, that’s a situationship. Those eventually lead to hurt feelings if a committed relationship is your goal.

This is why communication is important. She has told you she isn’t ready to be in a relationship with you. You obviously are look for something that leads into a relationship.

Just sit her down and have the conversation with her.

“Listen please. The other day you said you were not ready to be in a relationship. I appreciate that. I on the other hand have been dating you with the goal of starting a relationship. I accept everyone moves at their own pace, but we have been seeing each other for about 3-3 1/2 month now and I was under the impression that things were going along smoothly. If there is something I am doing that is holding you back, it would be nice to know, however if you just don’t see a possible relationship other than what we are doing now, I’d appreciate knowing before I invest any more time in a relationship that is going nowhere.”

You need to have a talk with her. “Hey so I know we’ve been seeing each other for the past few month, but I am looking for something long term. It’s pretty evident that either that’s not what you’re looking for, or I’m not what you’re looking for. With that in mind, I’m going to break this off because I don’t want to waste my time any further. Good luck out there.”

She’s already made it clear that she’s just waiting for something better to stroll along. That’s why she acts like BF/GF but doesn’t want to commit to you. When my wife and I met on OLD, we knew pretty quick we wanted to be together within a month. When you know, you won’t have to come to Reddit and ask, trust me bro.

She’s waiting for Mr. Right to swoop her off her feet, thanks for being. The stand in friend.

Acting like that as a 38 year old woman is stupid. She will stay single

You all are 38, not 17. Time to quit this game.

Red flag for sure. She wants you and all the support from you but others too.

What's her side of the story? Why is she hesitating? What was the dispute?

There's a lot you're leaving out here.

If I date someone I require exclusivite after the 1st date or there won't be a 2nd date. If you're not exclusive after months then she's 100% sleeping around without telling you. Huge red flag, end it with her.

My boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend on our first date. If you know, you know.

I don't have much experience with committed relationships, since I've only had 1. The one I had I was a girlfriend in 2 weeks. I didn't want to see anyone else. With my fwb, we were exclusive in a month.

If I were to date again, I'd probably wait 2-3 months, then date someone else if he didn't want me to be his girlfriend.

I knew after the first date. Mentioned it after the second one. He asked me to let him be the one to officially ask me to be his gf so we became official at the third one.

Sounds like she wants the benefits of a bf without having the obligation of having a bf.

Red flag. She doesn't want you for a relationship.. Talk to her though. Tell her you want it to progress to exclusivity, but if she doesn't want that, you need to move on. Ask what she is looking for that may help her decide to be exclusive too. Maybe that will give you an insight.

if she wants commitment WITH you, you'll know. but now that she made it clear, and you have a different end goal then it's time to stop. it is indeed a waste of time.

I’m 30 single F. After about 3-4 consistent months… if we aren’t committing by then. Might as well call it quits

She doesn’t want commitment, so enjoy the fun or move on to find a more serious woman.

It takes a woman like 4-5 dates to have real feelings for you in my experience.

In the first or second date, she may have a feeling like you’re special, that something will probably come of it… like a “prodrome” to borrow cold sore terminology. But it gets much clearer once she knows you better.

She sounds like me when I was at my absolute worst behavior. She wants a commitment from you but isn’t ready to make one herself. Do what my most recent ex did and leave. It was a wake up call for me to stop the avoidant behavior.

Have you talked about what your longer-term relationship goals are? Maybe she doesn’t want a partner. Some people don’t.

Sooo many women playing this game right now, it feels impossible to find a woman that truly wants a monogamous relationship anymore

She doesn't want to commit to you because she already has with someone else.

Time for you to find someone who will give you what you want.

Stay strong, King.

I would have enough feelings by 3 months to want to get a man off the market, but I also won’t have sex until we are exclusive. I think it’s a slap in the face to like someone enough to sleep with them, but not enough to go out looking for others to date. I would tell you you want someone that isn’t wishy washy about you. Sorry to hear that women do this too. I hate people that strong others along.

Start dating other girls, looking for a better option, she if that changes her mind about a commitment to be exclusive.

She likes you but not enough to date you. I would know within the month

takes me a seconds. i love exploring while knowing the person. just give limits and boundaries.

I would have a open an honest conversation about her apprehensions. There could be a deeper reason why.

I had an unhealthy 18 year marriage with a narciccist. I have been seeing someone exclusively for a few months but haven't put a label on it. I love what we have but I have a bit of ptsd when it comes to a committment label- not because I don't have faith in my relationship, but because I don't trust myself not to fall into old patterns that kept me with my ex. It's hard to explain, but I'm working on it and more importantly, he knows I'm working on me and is understanding.

Communication is key, friend.

She doesn’t want you and you exist to her to provide attention, validation, a warm body, and free dinners.

Stop investing your time, affection, money, and efforts into people that don’t deserve it. Save the girlfriend experience for your girlfriend.

She wants to have sex, she sees you as a one night stand. She finds you attractive but not good enough for a serious relationship. If you want to have a good time, go for it. If not, then just move on and find someone worthy.

We are not of hive mind. Sorry you are dating someone not ready for a relationship. You should date other people and tell her since she will not be exclusive then you are going to date others. Have a conversation of what that means to both of you. If she tries to say you shouldn’t date others but can’t be your exclusive gf then please don’t waste any more time, it is completely possible she doesn’t care and has been seeing others but not sharing that info. Talk to her.

Three months and she's still dating other men? Bye, Felicia.

I’ll be the odd one out, I suppose. I don’t think there is anything wrong with dating for 3 months and not being ready to commit, especially given we don’t know her history. The issue is you aren’t on the same page.

My SO and I have now been together for years, but when we first started seeing one another, he didn’t want a relationship and I was dealing with a divorce. But we were on the same page. We waited well beyond 3 months to openly commit, but neither of us saw other people at that time — we agreed to not once we started sleeping together.

Im going through the same thing with a guy who I’m in love with. Doing this for almost two years and he has no interest in me, he just loves the validation. Tells me he’s not interested in anything serious, tells me he is dating and sleeping around and I’m the idiot for standing by the sidelines. I’ve semi moved on but I need to remind myself daily he doesn’t want me and isn’t interested and I struggle to keep communication to a minimum. It has now tarnished how I view relationships and dating and I no longer have the energy to start up something with someone who might have interest in me

Did you ask her if there a reason she doesn’t want to commit yet? Is she fresh out of a divorce, for example? That would be a legit reason to give her more time.

You're in situationship my guy. She said it herself, if you want commitment, you won't get it from her. Move along.

Shes waiting to see if you’ll “cheat” on her even though you arent dating its a test! When you eventually have sex with someone else or don’t then she’ll evaluate how that goes and decide what she wants

If you’ve been seeing each other since March and she doesn’t want to date you, then she never planed on dating you. She’s only with you until someone better/she likes more comes along.

I’m sorry, but that’s the truth. If you’re enjoying yourself and just in it for then, then have fun. If you’re with her, hoping to date her, then you need to go ahead and cut ties now.

Guard your well being and sense of peace. If you do not feel right and you feel weird, why be in it? I did this too and it was not worth the energy. I did so much and was the faithful one but here I am free from all of this I learnt my lesson. May not be helpful but hope you make a good decision for you and your well-being that’s all.

Dating is so stupid these days. If you have been seeing this person, sleeping with this person, and spending time with this person for 3 months, exclusively, then I'd say you are in some form of a relationship.

After three months, an adult man or woman should be mature enough to know whether a relationship is what they want. If she is still undecided and you are sure that you want to date her and she's isn't with it, consider moving on.

Give her the option to date or walk away.

In reality a person knows exactly what they want and it sounds to me like she just isn't that into you.

I think it's important to note that you agreed to tell each other if you had sex with someone else. This means she's not (unless she's lying, in which case break up immediately). And that's the most important thing - if you have that loyalty then it might just be that she's been burned by relationships in the past and needs to take it slow. I'd be patient but make what you want clear and demand honesty.

Start going out with other women.

Ive been dating this guy since October last year. We became exclusive recently, so it took me 7 months to decide if I wanted to be with him.

It really depends on the person, the moment and what’s going on in their life. It’s really up to you to decide if you want to wait. Each couple is different. I think 3 month is good to have the talk and if being exclusive is important to you and she can’t make her mind, maybe it’s time to walk away.

Are you paying for all the outings 

It’s a huge red flag, don’t be a simp.

If we together everyday 24/7, better longest 2 weeks if not I’m out. 😭

After the time frame you speak of, OP, I would know one way or another if I wanted to be with the person I’m dating but I also would not date anyone else at the same time and expect the same from the man.

If you don’t feel like you are getting what you want out of this relationship you might want to talk to her to see where she would like things to progress to. If she doesn’t give the answer you are looking for and if you want more from her, then you might want to take a break from dating her. Like the saying you don’t know what you got until it’s gone. You don’t want to waste your time on someone who is not giving you what you want.

2 seconds for attraction, 3 months for personality and in and out of him as a person

Huge red flag! As a woman by this time of the guy hasn’t already WE bring up the commitment question. If not then we are simply not that into you. I would cut my looses with this woman if you are looking for something serious and long term.

I have another take. I had hesitations committing to my partner after months together even though I loved him. Not because I had doubts about him but about relationships in general. My ex gave me a lot of relationship trauma. Even though we broke up years ago I still felt like I don’t know how to pick them. I had gone through happy years single and had full intentions of keeping single but out of nowhere developed a huge crush on my current partner and he had a crush on me. We took it slow and I always communicated where my reservations lied. I wanted to be sure about everything even if it took longer. We still acted like a partnership and exclusive couple. It’s been the best relationship I’ve been in. If you think there are credible reasons for you to why she wants to wait and you’re willing to then why not enjoy getting to know each other on a deeper level. If you think she’s not wanting a commitment ever ever then you’re not compatible

30f I would personally want exclusivity after a few dates (acknowledging we both want to move forward). My bf asked me to be his gf after a few weeks and while I was delighted, I told him was happy to be exclusive, I saw him that way but I have a kid and I feel it’s a bit odd for me to introduce a man I’ve known for a few weeks as my bf. But I was more than happy for him to use gf because I did feel that way. I’d say it maybe took me another month to start using the word myself. But I think we both felt very secure that we were super into each other which makes a huge difference.

It takes me all of five minutes. I've never been wrong on my first impression of them yet. I know what I want.

I also don't waste time on dudes who don't know what they want. I wouldn't let one string me along for months. And, we aren't having sex unless we are in a relationship, so there's that. With that stipulation, most men that are wishy-washy don't really care to hang around anyway.

It sounds to me like she doesn't like you all that much and she's just looking for someone for now so she isn't alone.

Do you feel like you're still progressing in your relationship or did you guys plateau?

If I like them and only want to see them, that it takes the natural time in accordance with that relationship for us to say those titles (aka there is no strict timeline but if I’m all in then I’m in).

I think you have to be protective of your own boundaries and heart. She is TELLING you she doesn’t want commitment so there is nothing to stop her from texting you a couple of weeks/months from now ending it. Is that alright with you? Are yiu just happy to spend time with her and then be fine if it ends suddenly? If yes, you do you. If there’s any doubt at all, I would just be honest with her and say that you do want more commitment / to feel that its commitment.

In complete honesty, i was in the same situation (shorter timeline) recently and it went exactly as suspected. He was very decent but he text and said he realised I wanted more commitment than him and it wasn’t fair to carry it on…. So do with that what you wil….

like ed said people fall in love in mysterious way maybe just a touch of a hand so there is no certain time

Unfortunately, I can tell the possibilities within minutes of meeting someone and historically (n=3 committed within 3 dates in my mind and verbally within 2mintha

I (29F) knew I wanted to be exclusive with my boyfriend (28M) after our actual first date (we played video games together for so many hours 1 or 2 days before we met irl, and had been messaging for about a week and a half). Not sure if that’s usual or if I just hit the jackpot. He asked to be exclusive after our 3rd date, although he said he’d also stopped talking to other people very shorty after we met. I’m a pretty sensitive person, so I’d be really hurt if we’d been seeing each other for months and he said he was still unsure if he wanted to be my boyfriend. There are different attachment styles, and maybe she’s more avoidant, which is fine unless you’re not okay with it. You deserve someone who’s sure about you and isn’t afraid to say so.

My boyfriend and I were very clear with each other from the start about what we were looking for: a long term, serious relationship. Is that what you’re looking for? Is that what she’s looking for?

I've been dating a guy I've known for a while since about last month, and I've been ready to commit since last week. He wants a bit more time and dates and that's cool, it's still early, but if he asks me to be his gf tomorrow I definitely wouldn't say no. 22F btw

And here I am, dating Eva AI sexting bot...

To me it sounds like she either is not interested in commitment at all, or she’s not interested in committing to you and would like to keep dating you while she looks for someone she likes more. My best guess is that she’s treating you like a FWB while she continues to her search for a relationship.

Since she doesn’t want to be exclusive then you’re still very much single. So don’t put all ur eggs into her basket 😂 Go out, date other women and have fun. If this gal gets bent out of shape about what’s going on then tell her “we’re just dating, not exclusive, in fact all we are in a nutshell are FWB’s”

When I met my now boyfriend, I didn't want to rush into bf/gf or titles right away. For me, it wasn't because I wanted to pursue other options, it was because I have a very traumatic history with past men/relationships and I just wanted to take my time and make sure this was someone I wanted to be with long term (I also date with intention and was not looking for something casual). I will say, I was upfront with him about this and made it clear there was no one else and I just needed to go slow. Within a month or so, he showed me more respect, kindness and love than anyone I have ever known and I knew I could not let this one get away, and so we made things official.

As a woman, if she is telling you she doesn't want commitment, then you have to believe her and decide what is best for you moving forward.

Just tell her you’re wanting a committed relationship and exclusivity with her and aren’t going to wait much longer. If she doesn’t want that soon then go your separate ways.

I don’t understand how it’s hard to be up front about how you feel and what you want.

Mm generally you know up front what you are looking for. Dating or something serious or FWB. Then if dating, I would think within 1-3 months know whether you want to be exclusive and a couple.

Many women (not all) especially past 30 are looking for two types of men, one they can have fun with or a man they can settle with.(preferably both in the same man)

As you get older, boyfriend and girlfriend , doesn't mean as much as it did. Things have also changed so much in the past years , people just love being in "open" relationships(or whatever you wanna call that) where they see whoever, whenever, no strings attached.

Also , as you get older, you are more pickier on who you want to spend your effort on, like someone that is stable, has a car, a house, a good paying job, works on himself i.e works out tries to look good.

So it seems like you don't fulfill that for her. One of the major things you need to be able to do demonstrate the stuff above. Show her (in subtle ways of course) that you have the above! and she will have no problem going all the way for you.

So basically , you also need to re-asses if she is the red flag....or are you the red flag

She knows right away. Probably, you'll be there for emotional support. And yes, she'll be pissed if you slept with someone else, but won't tell you if she does.

Just leave.

If you really like her, then give her more time. There are no red flags. You are in a relationship, whether she recognizes it as such or not. Give her more time to be comfortable. I can’t tell you how long is enough time, but if she doesn’t come around, then you may need to give her an ultimatum. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot.

If you're ready for commitment and she's not at all ready, you can work out if she means not right now, or not with you and decide from there. I'd talk about it and see, and if it's still clear she's not seeing this as commitment, and you want that, then think about ending it. No point staying and breaking your own heart hoping her sentiments will change if she's consistently demonstrating she's not on the same page.

I am going through a similar situation ( need suggestions).. I(22m) have been seeing this girl(24f) since March....She acts like she is into me , all our mutual friends think that we are seeing each other , some of them even think that we are in a relationship, but she never verbally told me that she likes me whereas I have told her that I like her..... Recently I asked her " What are we " she answered we are just friends ,she wants to see where things take us with time but it's been 3 months, she should at least know that she is interested in me or not and she has no problem kissing and hugging me but I have, i don't kiss or hug a female friend, that's for my girl only, so I stopped, she even get pissed when a girl tries to flirt with me and I am pretty sure she'll get mad if I tell her that I'll start seeing other people......

I think I deserve someone who reciprocates my feelings and emotions....

What should I do? Should I tell her that let's be friends and we should start seeing other people or should I have some patience...( I am feeling I am getting played )

Point to be noted- She had been in a 4 year relationship where the guy cheated on her multiple times..... After that She had to go through counseling and therapy, so she has major commitment/trust issues....

But i am a type of guy for whom cheating is not even a possibility.....I am all about Loyalty, honesty, Understanding.....and I want to have a loving caring relationship...

What you’ve described is very worrisome. Exactly as many others here have already commented.

I see it as more of a double “yellow flag” (exercise extreme caution) than a “red flag” (stop).

Still, unless you know more about her lifetime experiences in past relationships, it might be wise to give her a little space. E.g., if she’s been in relationships before and found that the guy wasn’t quite the person she thought he was, this might easily explain things.

But I think you deserve more of an answer or more understanding of why she is “stonewalling” than what she’s provided up to now. You deserve that before either breaking-up or continuing the relationship. Keeping in mind that a bad decision in either direction could be a very sad thing.

You might want to glance at comments by women in the following linked discussion for other perspectives:

https://www.reddit.com/r/WomenDatingOverForty/comments/1dcldvz/they_said_dating_would_be_fun/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button 

I (M) was shocked as I read through that post and the comments to it. As a guy, I wanted to say something in reply, but it’s a women's only subforum for comments… men can only read.

That's a tough one. If we assume that she will need a fair amount of time before she is willing to commit to a higher level of relationship, you have to decide if, and for how long, you are willing to wait. My inclination, since you enjoy spending time with her, is to continue to build a history together while monitoring genuine signs of openness to commit and how much your relationship is actually moving towards that goal. If things don't add up quickly enough for you, then it would be time to end it snd look elsewhere for a relationship.

(48M) You're her steady backup plan, reliable dinner date, and FWB when she needs it. Nothing more. Sorry.

Personally, I'd be talking to other women at this point, but put her in the same status that she has you in. Fun backup plan/date, and someone (presumably) who is always available for sex.👍

Had something similar happen twice. Once, the girl was all sweet and complimenting me 24/7 but any mention of actual relationship from my side resulted in her talking about her commitment issues and everything and freaking out a little bit. Then she slept with her best friend and didn't tell me for almost a month and was more and more distant and I did not understand why (she had many male friends btw and she was friends with almost all of her exes - major red flag, i know). I was done with her before she told me what happened but she told me it like "in your face, bitch" when I told her that I'm actually done with dating her because it's been two months, I value my time and everything. So glad I didn't sleep with her, I would have so many regrets. The only regret I have now is that I did not end it sooner. Don't repeat my mistake, end it now and move on - I did, no regrets. There are many men and women like her sadly. It's really common. She wants to eat cake and have cake. It's impossible. Either you are serious and sure of someone or you don't date that person. She does not deserve your time.

What are YOU thinking?

Took me less than a month into dating my partner to know I wanted to be his girlfriend.

Looking back at patterns of my past dating, I would know, at the latest, after dating someone for a month. I've dated people longer while still being unsure and honestly, looking back, any of the situations I've been in where I couldn't tell if I wanted to be with the person after that point... I probably should have just ended then and there. Those situations never ended well because the reality is I wasn't compatible with those people and that's why my gut felt uncomfortable with the idea of committing to them.

Edit: forgot to say that, the point of saying all that, is I don't think you are compatible with this girl. She obviously isn't feeling it but is clinging for whatever reason. You deserve to be with someone who actually wants to be with you and will commit to you. I think you should end it and move on.

I’m a dude , and also a cynical dude, but I am starting to suspect that they know fairly early on. If they don’t know / are “figuring it out “ / “seeing how things develop “ etc , that in of itself is an answer that they don’t want you.

This is super dumb, but the stereotype is that girls push for exclusivity a lot more than guys / tend to have anxious attachment styles. I think this is a pretty dumb generalization , and pretty sexist , but I think thst relationships should feel reciprocal so whenever you have a situation that feels very one sided , especially after a few dates, it means it rlly is non bueno and yall should go your seperate ways

As a woman, I wouldn't consider being in a relationship with someone I've met less than 6months/1year. 3 months is not a long time, most of the time you don't even know if they're someone worth being friends for. No matter how much I like someone, I have to know I actually like them and they actually like me and it's not just infatuation or sexual tension or whatever. I've been told I move too slow but tbh, when I moved faster than the pace I take now, I've ended up in bad relationships and have had worse dating experiences.

three months isn’t so bad, I wouldn’t jump to conclusions feeling like this is a red flag or a waste of time, perhaps based on previous dating experiences she is just being extra cautious. She obviously likes you. I think for me, it would take me a really long time to take on the label now, and I feel like as I’m getting older I feel more and more that way.

There is no right answer to this question, I feel like many women are just not into relationships these days…

Cut her loose. You deserve someone who is willing to go all in with you, and not play the part only when it suits them

She's 38, she's old enough to make an adult decision that has benefits for the both of you. I think an ultimatum may need to be implemented as long as you are comfortable giving each other space for her to make that decision.

You’re one of three boyfriends If a woman really likes you she will bring up being ur gf bc she wants to be exclusive

Keep having fun with her but don’t think it will get serious she sounds like a player

A lot of people are saying red flag.... Blah blah blah.

Have you had the conversation of commitment? Does she have trust issues?

Find out what the commitment issue is first. Maybe she is poly maybe or... it just takes her time.

No one knows what's in her brain. I was in a situationship for FOUR YEARS before I decided I wanted to date my now bf.

I wouldn't consider a partner as a boyfriend until 1 year in. It has zero to do with commitment or keeping my options open but before 1 year you really aren't all that familiar with a person. It takes some people longer to build that foundation for a relationship. If a man is not okay with that they can leave because I'm not interested in his impatience or insecurity.

Ghost her 😂

Edit: You are both old enough to ignore such games

Just go younger

I haven't decided to be anyone's gf in like 7 years. but I would imagine 4-6 months. it's possible I could decide sooner but I see the vast majority of potential relationships taking awhile for me to decide on bc most aren't that convincing

Did you talk to her ? Like what happened in the past that she is like this ? I ask cause this is normal if a girl is hurt broken but is protecting herself.

30F here. Usually 2 weeks to a month but it is very dependent on how much time is spent together. How we met, etc. Could also just be me,I don't know.

Hmm. Have you actively brought up these feelings, thoughts and concerns with her? Everyone is ready for relationships at different times, depending on endless variables, including, values, personal beliefs, self-esteem, past relationship trauma, etc. etc. Truly, your best bet is to open an honest discussion with her about the way that you feel. And if she repeatedly shuts it down without giving you any indication that she is willing to have the conversation within an appropriate timeframe, then you have your answer.

One conversation.

To be honest it really depends. If he shows effort and it’s consistent then I’d say a few weeks, if he is inconsistent it’s a different story. 

Once I really liked someone after 3 days I filled my Pinterest with wedding dresses, hair, nails, make up, venue, guest list…all that. If she says she doesn’t want commitment, she doesn’t, she wants to play the field and make sure there is nobody better than you. She’s benching you. It is a red flag.

By 38, who knows. Maybe she has dated some terrible people and does move slowly and cautiously now, maybe she is busy and hasn't given it a lot of thought, maybe she doesn't want anything as serious as OP. But whatever the case is, if OP is bothered by it he should move on. Personally as a woman in my 30's I find men more desperate to lock the relationship down than I am. If they feel that way, even if I like them a lot, I think they should find someone else who shares that sense of urgency to commit.

3 months is more than enough time that a woman should know. Not wanting to commit but wanting bf/gf privileges is a major red flag