do you think men might also be more likely to assume that most if not all aspects of life are disadvantageous for men?

I would just have an honest conversation about what they can comfortably afford contributing every month towards all of the shared expenses. I think it’s also cleaner too, if that number comes out to be roughly your utility bills, keep everything in your name, but just for the record say their contribution goes towards that and groceries. I only say this because I feel like you always hear about people breaking up down the line and one partner being pissed that they were contributing to the mortgage on a house that was never in their name.

i was ghosted not too long ago, it sucked wicked bad. & after he came back with his tail between his legs, and i was sweet as pie about it, he ghosted me again a few days later lmao. we never got to meet up, but it sucked so badly because there was definitely a connection.. that we both let take things to a p intense point too soon. which was allegedly why he ghosted (the first time lol). over the winter it happened with another guy for the same reason (but we HAD met and were talking for longer). cue me realizing that i lovebomb.

to answer your question, yes, I really believe this to be true, about the type of guy that I would date anyways. I personally am not attracted to someone who wouldn’t approach me. I want someone who might possibly be a little shy in this way, but feels so drawn to me that they would never miss the opportunity. otherwise, pass.

it doesn’t mean anything, to answer your question. Or maybe it means that he just has not been spending as much time on social media, or no longer feels the need to suck up to you with likes. Overanalyzing something like this is not going to benefit anyone.

NTA. you weren’t comfortable & can’t even provide a good service for her from that headspace. but as a beauty service provider, as if you needed any more of a reason than that, you said yourself that you don’t have the necessary training to do that service. without it, who would have any idea how to do that service?? you could have actually hurt her (beyond the standard pain of waxing). if it was me i probably would’ve ONLY used that reasoning & not even eluded to being uncomfortable, just to avoid the accusations, & i’d probably add something to your booking site clarifying that you don’t offer waxing services for male genitalia.

being friends when you have feelings for each other but can’t be together seems.. unpleasant to say the least

hmmm i am not sold but you make some good points

hurting other peoples feelings is unfortunately a part of dating that everyone has to deal with sooner or later. more often when you’re young. but right now you’re sacrificing your own wellbeing and self respect, for his feelings, when in reality, it sounds like he may not even care very much if you dump him. this is a “he’s just not that into you” situation 1000000%, regardless of what he says to keep you around. after 5 instances, there’s zero chance this is going to stop. you can stay in the relationship knowing that, maybe even have a convo about knowingly opening up the relationship if that would actually make you both happy, or you can cut the cord and find someone who doesn’t feel the need to cheat on you over and over.

you said that you feel like you can’t bring yourself to break up with him. Why is that? I’m not shaming you in any way, just want to know more about that.

i’d argue that i feel there are just as many women who would be considered just plain unattractive by anyone’s standards.

this is not an unusual thing for couples to find hott, maybe that was her way of testing the waters to see if you’d be into it. just have an open non-threatening convo about it!

really beautifully said & gives me hope, thank you!

three months isn’t so bad, I wouldn’t jump to conclusions feeling like this is a red flag or a waste of time, perhaps based on previous dating experiences she is just being extra cautious. She obviously likes you. I think for me, it would take me a really long time to take on the label now, and I feel like as I’m getting older I feel more and more that way.

just food for thought, I wonder if retiring early and being more present with your kids would be more valuable to them than a handout later on? something to weigh, and possibly even ask them.

so with just your disability, you are so close to being work optional right now anyways. If you were to take the lump sum and use part of it to pay off your house, you could retire right now, just on your disability. But I imagine that you are sticking it out to get your pension. It must just be nice to know that if you can’t stand your job anymore one day, you could pay off the house and retire whenever you want now!

yes we were already NM & then the cheating occurred. he was deteriorating mentally, keeping the secret up. & i really wanted to just hear the success stories that I asked for in my post, versus having to air out all of my dirty laundry, but see my other replies.

former stripper here. i love safe, respectable strip clubs. they can be the happiest, most straightforward places on earth. i am sad for employees of dangerous, poorly-run clubs.

this is really great, it’s inspiring to see that another married couple was able to overcome something like this. Was there anything in particular besides counseling that helped you move past the secrecy? how are you doing now? Would you share more about what you then realized is each of your preferred type of NM?

everything came to light, unfortunately not because he had confessed, but he/we are trying to make amends & move forward. neither of us feel this has to be the end for us. perhaps what i really want first hand experiences of is not specific to NM, but rather just, success stories of moving past infidelity together & coming out stronger in the end. which i do wholeheartedly feel is possible. i think being NM has set us both up for having a more level-headed understanding of WHY this happened, & i imagine other NM married couples may be able to relate to that, so i thought this sub would be a better place for the post.

i am heavily tattooed & one big thing i’ve noticed is that with dating, guys assume that i’m going to be more “edgy,” but on the inside i’m as Basic Bitch ™️ as they come. so i think i sometimes attract the wrong people & repel guys that i actually have more in common with. i’ll live it’s just always funny to hear like, “i expected something totally different.”

the rent zestimate is definitely more accurate in major cities like Denver, but I wouldn’t go totally based on that. I would look at actual comparable rental listings on Facebook marketplace, apartments.com, craigslist, Zillow, and find ones that most closely resemble yours, that have not been listed forever. If there is one that has been listed for a really long time, maybe it is priced too high.I think there is also something to be said for keeping the price a little lower by maybe 5%, ~$200 in this case, so that you have a larger applicant pool, and have a better chance at finding a really awesome tenant. you can always list it a little higher and if you do not get an overwhelming amount of interest in the first 7-10 days, then I would lower it.

i’ve definitely gotten off so intensely that it made me laugh like that after, & had partners do the same. a good sign that you did something right lol.

2nd paragraph is super helpful/clear - i’ve also wondered about this

yeah i did not have a connection to her at all, so i wouldn’t have had a chance to talk to her about everything. i don’t think my husband meant to disrespect her wishes, it was more of like “i get that, if you ever want to stop what we’re doing you don’t owe me anything,” & she would just keep it all going. they both set themselves up for failure imo. a good learning experience for everyone but a painful one for at least me.