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I told my boyfriend if he cheated on me during pregnancy he wouldn’t be allowed in the labor and delivery room and he said that was cruel.
Reminds me of the Taylor Tomlinson bit where she says her exboyfriend would tell her when someone flirted with him and acts like he's some saint. "Aww babe you honored the bare minimum of the agreement we made when we started our relationship??" Swoon
Yeah I'm sorry, if this is a conversation that is even required then WTF are you having kids with them.
Are there really guys who think cheating during pregnancy is okay, but not okay otherwise?
Maybe I'm old/naive, but to me, a cheater is a cheater. If they do it during pregnancy, then they'll do it whenever they want.
Male with an anecdote - My boss is an immigrant man whose wife has(had? Remission?) Cancer.
In the 2 years I've worked there, I've had multiple customers tell me about the pervy things he's said, and even worse, some of it is outright sexual harassment. One poor woman admitted to me that he one day put his hand in her back pocket. She one day asked what days I worked, and I assumed it was because she didn't like me. Now, I realize it was so she could avoid my boss. She only recently admitted that to me.
I want to quit, but I can't until I have another job lined up. Yay capitalism and the patriarchy /s
THIS!
His jaw dropped and told me how wrong, extreme, and cruel that was.
Honestly this comment alone proves he's not the dude you should be having kids with.
He's not the dude you should be doing anything with.
Christ Almighty. I don't even have words. His response alone is enough for me to cut all ties.
If he’s concerned that it’s “wrong, extreme and cruel”, it signals that he’s not actually committed to monogamy with you. If he was, he’d say “that’s fine, because there’s no way I’d cheat on you anyway.”
In fact, even if he was totally loyal, you have no obligation to allow anybody in there with you if you don’t want to. The presumption that birth is now a public event is a bit strange tbh.
Right? This man is already cheating
He heard what you said and thought “shit, I better not get caught”
Seriously. Clearly he is cheating or has cheated. Get out of there ASAP, OP.
The fact that op thought this was necessary to say tells me the relationship is very wrong. I hope she doesn’t have a child with this man and finds a better life for herself.
True. I have an unpopular opinion to add. Instead of OP bringing in a whole human being to check the fidelity of her partner. She can propose to marry the guy with a very stong prenup that specifically has a clause of severe financial repurcussion in the event of cheating.
Not trying to generalise and this is purely my personal belief. If a guy pushes for something as permanent as a child in a relationship without offering the saftey of marriage first(strictly speaking in terms of legal safety to assets and stuff), then I often believe it is to lock the woman down. Again. This is my very personal opinion and nothing more.
Unless this man actually has a bunch of money, there’s little point in a prenup except to protect her assets. And to protect her assets, avoiding marriage is a good call.
In this case, though, I would anticipate OP’s boyfriend is going to be a largely uninvolved father and it will be best to anticipate that. That may mean moving out before the baby is born (if they live together) so that the status quo is that she gets to make child related decisions (like where she wants to live) without him, but he will still owe child support.
I'm glad she said she's breaking up in the post itself. A normal person's reaction would be 'why would I cheat on you, honey'. Not whatever this freak said to tell on himself
Hundo percento.
As a MEN, I think so as well.
a MEN
How many y'all got in there 😂
Yup. Do not have a baby with this man OP, you've placed your bar so low that it is in hell, and he's busy limbo dancing with the Devil. I'm so glad you plan to break up.
"Wrong, extreme and cruel" is how a normal person would describe cheating.
I'm sorry but birth is not a spectator sport. Baby doesnt give a shit who is there. Only people who can support mum and not cause distress deserve to be there - because they are there to support HER not see baby.
Medicolegally he has absolutely zero right to witness ANY of your medical events, birth included. Yes, even if he's perfectly well behaved. if he's a shitty human being, he doesn't get to be there.
The only reason men are allowed in the delivery room is in support of the mother. THAT'S IT. Mothers fought for them to be in the room, mothers can kick them out.
Being around a cheating ex is not good for the mother, so she has final say on who is and is NOT allowed in the room.
It's nice that the father is in there to see the baby, but it's a major, risky medical procedure for the mother.
This is not the entrance for the baby to come out into the world like the athletes do for the super bowl. The baby does not need cheering crowds in order to be born.
Exactly. Birth is not a spectator sport. Treating is as such trivializes the amount of trauma the mother's body goes through.
Seconding this. Most guys I know would reply along the lines of, "Well, you don't have anything to worry about, because I won't cheat on you." Their first line of defense would be to dismiss the threat, simply because a woman is listing the consequences of something that's not in his thoughts. And because it's not in his thoughts to perform that behavior, then the threat of consequences is a non-issue.
The defensiveness of OP's bf is a red, red flag. The biggest flag is that he's not addressing the behavior itself, but rather what he would suffer if he did the behavior. He's calling the consequence "wrong, extreme and cruel" because people tend to downplay consequences for behaviors that they see no problems in doing. And they downplay their actions by casting judgment not on the action causing the problem, but rather on the consequences and person stating the consequences of the problem. It's basically a preemptive personal defense. He may as well just come out and say he doesn't think cheating is that big of a deal, because when his first instinct is to judge the consequences rather than the behavior itself, he outs himself.
Agree I only let my mother and sister in with my kids , I didn’t want there father in there and he was okay with that
If he was, he’d say “that’s fine, because there’s no way I’d cheat on you anyway.”
Yeah my response was pretty much "That's what's up"
wtf is wrong with people?
i don't have problem with polyamory or monogamy or anything in between...as long as everything is save and consenting.
i have a major problem with breaking trust, and as all healthy relationships betwixt people are built on trust, this includes cheating.
wtf is it so difficult to just not cheat?
There wouldn't even be a need of having this conversation. It implies that OP thinks this is a real possibility. Most people in healthy relationships don't consider conversations about pregnancy cheating and what they'd do if that happens.
The one nugget of a chance I'd give the guy here is if his reaction was to the idea that his partner is already worried about him cheating and planning to cut him out of the birth of their child. If he was a decent guy and had that dropped on him it could be pretty jarring
Why would he be worried about that if he wasn’t going to cheat?
If my wife told me that she has high expectations and she’d never marry a murderer, why the hell am I getting offended as if I’m planning on going to kill someone?
Seriously, where is this dudes head at? He must be cheating already.
They’re not actually having a baby yet, he’s just begging her to have one
OP was expressing her fears that she’d be pregnant, on the road to raising a child and get cheated on. She wasn’t saying that she thought he would, but that the information she’d been seeing made her think it was a pretty common thing to happen.
So rather than taking it personally, he should have been reassuring. “I know that seems to be common, but I’ll tell you that I’d be totally committed, and if sex was off the table before of after, I’d be OK with that.” She wants to hear that he’s thought about the likely actual changes — to her libido, to her body, to her sense of attractiveness — and is ready for them.
It’s like her saying in the early stages of dating “I’m worried about being assaulted by a man” and he responds “why would you ever think that of me?”
"jarring"=/= the degree of defensiveness on display
I mean yea I would be shocked if my partner just insinuated that it's something they worry over and think is possible but I wouldn't be angry. I would be asking what I have done in the past to lead to the conclusion that cheating is even a possibility.
Your boundaries are totally valid and not extreme at all. Cheating during pregnancy is a massive betrayal that can seriously harm both mom and baby. The fact that your boyfriend called you cruel instead of reassuring you is a huge red flag. His reaction shows he's more concerned about potentially losing access to "his" child than about your feelings or wellbeing. That's some classic narcissist behavior right there.
It's scary that he's pushing for a baby but can't commit to basic fidelity. He's showing you who he is, and you're smart to pay attention. You're absolutely right to be careful about who you reproduce with. Pregnancy and childbirth make women incredibly vulnerable, and you need a partner you can trust completely.
Your expectations aren't high - they're the bare minimum for a decent partner. The fact that he's balking at this says a lot about his character. It's good you're planning to break up with him. You deserve someone who respects your boundaries and wouldn't dream of cheating, especially during such a vulnerable time.
Stay strong and don't let him or anyone else make you doubt your instincts. You're looking out for yourself and your potential future child. That's not cruel - it's smart and responsible.
Yes, this!!!
He is showing OP he doesn't have the same values as her. Good thing she's learning this now before pregnancy and marriage!
A lot of men don't understand that when we talk about putting both the mom and the baby at risk, we mean that if a man passes an STD to the mother of his child from his affair partner(s), that could literally kill the baby or cause serious birth defects.
You're absolutely right, and it's infuriating how many men don't grasp this crucial fact. The consequences of cheating during pregnancy go way beyond just emotional hurt - it can have severe, life-threatening physical impacts.
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3d
People get to decide how big of a deal cheating is. Lots of people forgive cheaters and everyone gets to decide the right move for them based on the context. OP is saying that in a specific context it's unforgivable.
Wow, it's clear you're completely missing the point here, whether deliberately or not.
First off, no one's saying cheating is okay at any time. The focus on pregnancy isn't about giving a pass to cheaters at other times - it's about highlighting the increased vulnerability and risk during this specific period.
You're creating a straw man argument by suggesting anyone thinks it's "totally fine" to cheat after birth. That's not what's being said at all.
The reason pregnancy is being singled out is because of the unique health risks involved. STDs contracted during pregnancy can literally kill the baby or cause severe birth defects. It's not just about emotional betrayal - it's about physical danger to both mother and child.
By fixating on the this idea that this makes cheating "okay" at other times, you're completely ignoring the very real and specific concerns about pregnancy that were being discussed. This kind of derailing tactic is a classic example of arguing in bad faith.
The point isn't to set the bar at "only be faithful for 9 months." It's to emphasize how especially heinous and dangerous cheating is during this vulnerable time.
Your response comes across as deliberately obtuse and seems more interested in "winning" an argument than actually engaging with the serious issues being raised.
That’s the words of a man who’s planning on cheating on you during pregnancy
It's crazy how OP thinks it's a 'high expectation' for her partner to not cheat on her ..
Seriously. With a response like that, I'd be seriously reevaluating the relationship if I were OP.
Yeah, I'm wondering why you would even be contemplating having a baby with someone you think might cheat on you. This shouldn't even need to be said.
And probably already is…
you’re asking for what he already owes you.
you shouldn’t even have to ask!
I have high expectations in order for me to have a man’s child
I don't know what your other expectations are but this one isn't high. People in the delivery room are there to support the mother, and most people don't feel supported by a jerk ex who cheated on them. Folks are free to make their own choices and I'm not judging anyone who decided to allow an unfaithful partner to watch a birth, but I think it's generally assumed that blowing up your relationship loses you the invite.
You might want to re-evaluate the rest of what you're asking for and assess if it's actually as high of expectations as you've been led to believe.
NTA
I hope OP doesnt consider that a high standard because that says a scary thing about the men they're around if it is
OP's bar is on the floor and her boyfriend just dug a fucking cavern underneath it
Girl run!!
Agree. The cruel thing would be to raise a child around that sorry excuse of a man.
Girl don't date him!
That’s literally the bare minimum. He is incredibly entitled and unfaithful.
That's not an extremely high standard. That's... a standard. A boundary. A "heads up, I'm not going to tolerate you treating me like shit."
He should be more disgusted by how cruel men who cheat on their pregnant partners are, this is not the man you want to be tied to with children.
Plus the low key entitlement to thinking men deserve to be in the room.
Only folks who don't see women as people feel that way. Women get fully autonomy over their medical decisions and privacy if they wish it. It's a sign that he sees a woman as more like a broodmare or an accessory. Not to mention stress can be so dangerous -- having a cheater alone in a room with you while you desperately want them out is one of the most stressful things imaginable.
Don't have a baby with your boyfriend.
If he won't marry you, don't have a baby.
If you think he might cheat on you during pregnancy, don't get pregnant with him.
Sperm donor wants a fuck trophy to ignore and leave you with all the work.
Throw the whole man out!
he wants a baby
No, he wants someone else to have a baby.
Ask him if he wants to raise a baby.
Ask him if he will be a stay-at-home dad while you work, or go to school? And watch him try to BS his way past that.
Then, drop him and move on to someone you deserve.
You: I expect monogamy, especially during pregnancy.
Your STBX BF: shocked pikachu face
No one is allowed in a delivery room unless they make the person who is doing the child birth feel calm, supported and empowered.
I’d make it this clear to him: Even if he didn’t cheat, you could still remove him for any reason that is valid to you. Simple as.
So yeah, your position on cheating is firm and you used a powerful example of just how firm a boundary you have. All good there.
He’s allowed to be hurt by this reality, but the reality is security will remove him. And as the father, he shouldn’t want that stress and trouble for the person who busy giving birth to his child. Whether he cheated or not. Whether he loved her or not. It would be beyond selfish and cruel to additional stress to that room and that patient. Who the fuck does that really? Say “I’m entitled to be present while you’re vulnerable, screaming in pain and shitting on a table because at the end there will be a baby I should have immediate access too!” Like, that’s not how that works either man.
Frankly, his response is concerning. He’s more concerned about the privilege of a theoretical cheater, than is about the patient’s indisputable rights. He immediately emphasized with the cheater above everyone else involved. That is who he related too and felt reflected in, Not a good sign about how he views infidelity.
I hate how not getting cheating on during pregnancy is considered high expectations. The fact that men don’t respect their partner enough to not do that is insane or to even cheat period. Also his reaction to it is very telling
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚨🚨🚨🚨🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚩🚩🚩🚨🚨🚨🚩🚩
The simple fact that you feel you have to say this to him tells me that you already know what he would do if you got pregnant.
Not cheating on your SO is a super low bar to clear, definitely sounds like your making the right call by breaking up with him if he thinks staying faithful is a difficult task
Don't have a baby with him, dump him now
this was the canary in the coalmine conversation...
I feel like that fact that you felt the need to have this conversation at all is concerning
I’ve asked my husband about some really ridiculous scenarios from AITA, and given him some mock outrage over his equally ridiculous answers, but not once has it even crossed my mind to seriously tell him I expect him not to cheat if I get pregnant
I'm glad you're already planning on dumping him.
Your requirements are baseline and perfectly reasonable. A good man's reaction to what you said would be "yeah, of course!"
Only a man who's planning to cheat, already cheated, or sees nothing wrong with cheating would respond as he did.
Sounds like the trash took itself out.
Your “high expectations” is my “bare minimum”. Like this wasn’t even part of the conversation when my husband and I discussed kids. If you have to explicitly say this then your relationship sucks.
My Dad did this to my Mum. She stayed with him and it has been a toxic relationship and home environment ever since.
He never truly apologised because he didn’t see what he did as wrong.
She has lived with him all these years (they’re elderly now) and it’s badly affected her mental health (and mine)
I support your decision making 100% OP. Thank God you found out sooner than later and possess the decision making skills that will save you from a life of misery.
PSA: Don’t date, let alone breed with these men.
I’m so glad you’re going to dump him and not reproduce cwith him, imagine the horror and sacrifice of staying loyal for a year to the mother of your child 😯🙄🙄🙄😤😫
Get the fuck away from him.
My concern is that you felt the need to vocalize this. Probably means that you were recognizing something subconsciously
No. No it’s not. My daughter’s father wasn’t allowed in for the exact same reason.
Wanting a supportive partner who will remain faithful does not constitute "high expectations." This is a low bar any decent man should be able to clear easily. If he thinks you're "cruel" because you won't tolerate a partner cheating while you're pregnant, he's not someone you should be breeding with.
Not cheating when you are pregnant is not high expectations, that’s pretty much the bare minimum he should be doing. It’s concerning that his reaction wasn’t I wouldn’t cheat on someone, pregnant or not
Why are you planning to have a child with this man at all?
I think the takeaway from this conversation is that the two of you are not compatible in your approaches to things.
First of all: The only people in the delivery room should be the ones the patient wants for support. Nobody is "entitled" to share this moment.
And if you're already expecting him to cheat during pregnancy, do you really expect him to do his share of raising a child? Is this someone you really want to have a permanent tie with?
My worst fear is having children with someone who isn't an equal partner or parent. Do you think he would be?
Why so concerned; all he has to do is not cheat. Easy enough.
Right?
Lmfaoooo, that’s a light punishment compared to what I would do, tbh. He better count his damn blessings.
Yeah you're not wrong about this. It's a pretty basic ask to keep your relationship monogamous during pregnancy. His reaction was for sure a red flag though. So you dodged a real bullet there.
I'd consider those "high expectations" simply baseline, wow. Based on his reaction, do not have his baby.
Definitely very telling that his first response to that was "that's cruel" and not "I won't cheat on you."
Good job; you happened across a hack where you got to weed out an awful person. If only they were all so easy to suss out.
He told on himself. Also, since when is expecting your partner to remain faithful to you while in a monogamous relationship considered a “high expectation”? Thats literally the bare minimum…
Glad to hear you are dumping him. Men love telling on themselves. It is time we take them seriously.
What a dick. Sorry the baby will have half of his DNA.
You don’t sound like you have a healthy relationship. Do not have a child with this man.
Idk what the point of this post is and I plan to break up with him…
That’s all I needed to hear😊 Don’t back out & be careful out here!!💗
High expectations? That's the bare minimum. I hope you meant that as a joke, and it went over my head.
Probably just rage bait. Congrats on your upvotes
You know what men who aren’t cheating say to your ultimatum?
“Yeah that makes total sense.” “Good thing you don’t have to worry about that.” “I wouldn’t blame you if I acted like that. That would be unforgivable.”
Sorry hun. Don’t stay with this fuckstick.
You 100% should not be having a baby with this man. Neither of you are ready for it.
As a married man trying to have a kid, I can't imagine having an issue with your boundries. This guy sounds like he's looking for an excuse to cheat
Wrong answer bro- the right answer is “I would never cheat on you”. I’m going full on Reddit extreme and calling it a red flag that this was not his first thought.
And cheating while youre pregnant isnt?
Girl that better be an ex.
Additional proof that the bar is so low that it is a drinking establishment in hell and yet they manage to slide right under the table.
I’m sorry OP that you spent any time at all with someone so… worthless as a human being. I hope you find happiness with someone deserving of your time and affection.
This man should not be your boyfriend anymore
My boyfriend keeps saying he wants a baby
I'd feel better about his wish if he'd phrase it as "I look forward to being a parent."
Too many men phrase "want a baby" in the same vein as "I want a Corvette."
If he doesn't plan on cheating, he wouldn't find an issue with it. So his reaction seems a little telling
Break up with him.
This is not a man you should have a baby with!
Oh look the trash is taking itself out! Goodbye sir
Is he fucking planning on cheating or some shit?!
Sounds like he should be an ex boyfriend. If he’d cheat during pregnancy, might also cheat if you got sick. It’s cruel to expect any less of you when you literally just explained that this is one of your worst fears
I don’t know about you but I would never consider having children with my fiancé until we’re married let alone a BF. These are very low standards imo.
See, that clause wouldn't bother me because it only gets triggered if he cheats. So why is it a problem? Don't cheat, no consequences.
You need to understand that he has told you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he WILL cheat on you if he hasn’t already. He clearly thinks there’s an entitlement there and nothing, as in NO. THING. he says otherwise in the future will make any difference. Sorry, OP, like so many, you want the happy family package, but this ain’t it. Please do not bring a child into this shitshow.
I’m not sure why this needed to be said.
lol does he think that sex is off the table for 9 months? I know everybody is different but my wife was rather horny for most of her pregnancy.
I won’t even comment on the ridiculous “that’s cruel/unfair” statement.
I don't understand how those are "high" expectations - that seems to be the very basic, minimum, absolutely lowest bar expectations that I've ever seen.
The fact that you limited it to "during pregnancy" is honestly absurdly lenient. Cheating at all should be a dealbreaker imo.
Honestly, if you even need to have this conversation AT ALL with your man, then you probably shouldn’t be having a baby with him in the first place.
Lmfao what? It’s cruel to not be okay with cheating? Honestly there are so many TRASH men out there jesus christ
The fact that his reaction is this and not “wtf I would never ever do that to you” says a lot tbh
Why are you dating him? What, precisely, is the appeal here?
I stg some people would date a used cup they find on the ground! Stop!
It's true. It will be very wrong, extreme and cruel...to him. He is not thinking about the mother or the baby. Just him.
Lmao this guy is off his rocker but at least he's kind enough to self-report his behavior and how he thinks before you ever decided to get pregnant. Definitely not the kind of person you'd want to be in a long-term relationship with.
I wouldn't even date someone who thinks your reasonable boundary is cruel..if someone cheated on me during pregnancy, they would never see their child or their assets again. He's already revealed to you what kind of man he is, leave his ass. Your fear is a very reasonable fear and instead of reassuring you, he revealed that he was a piece of shit. Not even worth being called a human being.
Girl NO. I bet if I said this to my husband right now, he’d say “I’d be heartbroken to miss the birth of my kid, but as the birthing person, you have that right”. Or, more likely, “I wouldn’t do that, so this conversation is pointless”.
RUN.
He doesn’t see cheating as a big deal. Pay attention and leave him now. Also you should definitely get STD tested.
My god. What is wrong with people.
Wait, “don’t cheat on me while I’m pregnant” is a high expectation? That sounds like a completely normal and frankly low expectation to me. In fact I’d consider that to be a given unless a couple explicitly agrees otherwise.
That is not wrong, cruel, or extreme.
Not cheating is the absolute bare minimum to be in a relationship, let alone have children together.
Those are not high expectations at all.
These do not seem extreme to me, should be the expectation.
yikes! depending on which form of BC you are using, do NOT trust this man with any of, while you are still together.
and you should leave him ASAP
do not have a baby with this man; he’s already told you he doesn’t plan on being faithful to you. leave him.
Giving birth is already stressful enough as it is, why on earth would anyone want their cheating ex in the same room as them while in labor!?!?
That is not a high expectation. That is about the lowest an expectation can be.
Stick to your guns. If he's unfaithful, he's done.
Jeez I think you need to realize that your mistake was having NOT HIGH ENOUGH expectations! "if you want me to have your baby, dear boyfriend, you'll have to be faithful while I'm pregnant" Do you hear it now? Here's what you SHOULD'VE said "you want me to have your baby? What do I look like? Your wife? GTF outta here you little punk ass bitch!" Now go tell him to get his shit together yesterday! You got this!
He's probably already cheating if he thinks what you said you would do is wrong, extreme, and cruel. There are two things that this makes me think about him:
1) He thinks that "his" woman is "his property," which means that he is entitled to your body at any time, even in the event that it is being ripped open by force of childbirth and/or cut open with a scalpel .
2) He think that men cheat because boys will be boys and we just have to accept it... and to refuse to accept it is going against the patriarchal social contract and he upholds the social contract.
Finally... maybe it is just me, but spectators NEVER used to be allowed into the room during a birth. It was medical personnel only. It was not a spectator sport with cameras and relatives all wanting a look at the woman's privates as they are being ripped open by childbirth, her body covered in sweat, her hair sticking to her face while she screams in pain. I find it extremely misogynistic that people now think that they have a "right" to be there. Unless you are a medical professional specifically train to aid in childbirth and adjacent emergencies, you are NOT supposed to be in a room where a medical procedure is happening unless you have consent from the patient and the surgeons deem it safe. Maybe this is just my thinking because I'm old, but I don't understand the modern obsession with birth. I DO understand that fathers should also care for their newborns (they didn't used to do that), but actually being in the delivery room makes no sense considering most of them are useless while they are there and they think it is their "right."
This post doesn't make sense. Just... None of it. This sub isn't doing well.
Brand new account, I think this is a bait/troll.
Okay going to go against the grain here. I respect your boundaries, and the consequences are reasonable, but I would be super offended even to have implied that I was going to cheat. That immediately puts your partner on the defensive for something they haven't even done. But you are telling them you expect them to and giving them an ultimatum. The point is you just put up a huge red flag screaming "I don't trust you."
I don't know the rest of the context of your relationship but what would even give you the concern to say that at all?
What brought about this discussion of men cheating on their pregnant partners?
Rage bait.
I plan to break up with him but be careful who you reproduce with
That's fantastic and I'm very glad you are breaking up with the loser!
I'm also hoping for your sake that you never agree to have children with just a boyfriend...
If you were just talking to him about this as a way to be on the same page for the future, I respect that. But if you ever consider getting pregnant by someone you're not married to, I hope you at least have a lawyer and notary certify a signed contract between the two of you agreeing to all the biggest parts of co-parenting and childcare, both in the case of being together and in case of a breakup.
Marriage offers SO MUCH legal protection, as well as being an extra strong sign of commitment to weed out the cheaters. Of course it's not foolproof, but it is a lot better to be married before agreeing to stop using birth control and try for a baby.
Another guy who sided with The Men instead of with The Decent People
Don't have a baby with someone who you think might cheat on you in the first place. His reaction is definitely saying he would cheat on you btw. That's not a high bar to meet.
Thats how cheater genes propagate
He’s already cheated on you.
I think you mean ex.
If that's cruel then he intends or considers cheating and you shouldn't be having kids at all.
If he didn't think that was possible he'd cheat he wouldn't have an issue with it...
He gave himself away there.
I'm actually chuckling. Your boyfriend's reaction is so bad it is hilarious.
I know cheating isn't funny but I have a dark sense of humor.
It’s great to have these conversations early and state ALL of your boundaries IMMEDIATELY. Then you don’t have to waste a second more of your life with someone you know isn’t the right fit. Bravo!
That’s not high expectations, that just what is expected. You sure about this guy if he’s shocked that there are consequences if he cheats on you especially when you’re pregnant? Cause I’d be giving him the side eye while I packed my bag and left his sorry ass.
I guess the one upside of all this is that you found out his true colors before becoming pregnant by him. For him to unironically find it cruel for a man who cheats on his pregnant partner to be denied entry into the delivery room but not to find it cruel to cheat on someone pregnant with his child speaks volumes about him.
Wow, mans is brazen. Zero reassurance huh, straight to just admitting he was already thinking about cheating. Didn't even hesitate to announce himself.
Time to find a new boyfriend.
If this is a boundary that you even have to verbalize to your boyfriend, then he is probably not someone you should be having children with.
And if he is upset (!) about the very reasonable expectation that he not cheat on you, then he is definitely not someone you should be with, much less have children with.
Dump his sorry a@@.
This is a huge red flag. I wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone who thought cheating on you would be cruel, let alone have a kid with them. Yikes.
Welp at least now you can break up with him before ever procreating with him!
A man saying he wants a wife and a kid is a red flag. A man saying he wants to be a husband and a father is a green flag.
Easy solution, don’t “accidentally “ let your penis fall into a strange vagina.
Hmmm I think his reaction tells you a whole lot. Wouldn’t be surprised he’s already hunting right now.
Right after I had my son I went to my husband's work (not planned, I can't even remember why I did but it was a sudden decision). Anyway I walk in and he's holding hands with this girl and his face was maybe an inch from hers and they were staring into each other's eyes.
And you know, I had been having this gut feeling that he was cheating on me for a while and he kept blaming it on pregnancy hormones and insecurity.
The "funny" thing is that his own mother had told me "A woman knows in her heart when her man is cheating on her." Because we do, and she knew that because my ex's dad was a serial cheater.
I have 3 kids. Never considered cheating on my wife once. Your ex is an asshole
… please don’t have a baby with this man
You said 2 different things. One of them I think is totally fair. The other, I don’t agree with.
If you decide to have a baby, it’s your delivery. You absolutely get to choose who is in the delivery room. And have every right to exclude the father, the grandma’s or anyone other a-hole who thinks they have a right to be there. Because no one has a right to watch you give birth.
However, I don’t agree with the birth certificate part. If a man is the father, and the sex was consensual, then his name should go on the birth certificate. You don’t get to deny paternity just because dad is an a-hole. And even if you don’t want to be with him, and he doesn’t deserve you, it’s still a bad ideas to start out raising a child with a fight over paternity. Your goal should be to have dad walk away on his own accord or partner with him to raise a child. Not as a coupe, but as 2 separated parents.
Those aren’t “high expectations.” They’re actually very very low. Like bare minimum.
This man not only thought it was unreasonable that he couldn't get a hall pass while you were pregnant, he thought he'd get away with saying so out loud.
I swear some people can't be in relationships just due to sheer stupidity.
Oh, he dumb dumb. Not only is he cheating scum, but he is not even smart enough to try to pretend otherwise. If he can not even be faithful in theory (which is supported by his reaction), there is no way he is going to do right by you. Also, yeah, I'm sure these are the kind of things human right's associations would define as cruel an unusual... give me a gucking break.
Drop the dead weight and find yourself a real man ❤
Wow. Didn’t realize this was a metric but yeah. If a guy reacts like your (ex)BF to that idea I am not wasting any more time on him 💀
I wouldn't personally have a child with a man I needed to have this conversation with, much less with one who behaves like a child about this conversation.
If you guys are talking about cheating already then i would seriously rethink your choice of having a baby together
Is he insane? That just sounds weird. When he said that, did you ask him to explain why cheating wouldn’t be wrong, cruel or extreme?
Expecting fidelity from a partner when you are at your weakest and most vulnerable is just par for the course, is it not?
Men need to step up when their wife is pregnant, not step out.
My ex did and he was not allowed in there. I was under an immense amount of stress from the pregnancy and him cheating on me that him being there was the last thing I needed.
You mean ex-bf, right?
Why stay with him if you have doubts about his character? Forget about having a baby with him! If you're concerned about his character, don't let him be a part of your life, let alone the delivery room!
Good on you for breaking up with him. He isn't worth your time or your uterus.
In a healthy relationship, this wouldn't even need to be a conversation. I never had this talk with my husband and he's always been faithful. We're going on 16 years this summer.
I agree with everything you said, with the exception of not putting his name on the baby's birth certificate.
I understand that you'd be very hurt in this situation, but that pain doesn't change the fact that he would be your child's father. In the long run his name not being on the b.c will hurt your child more than it will hurt him, imo.
Also probably make it more difficult to get child support from him too. 🙂❤️
Maybe you need to raise the bar on boyfriend material. My husband wouldn't behave that way. We had a rule, no cheating, end the relationship before you move on.
He's almost admitting he thinks he should be allowed to cheat if you're 9 months pregnant, which means he would have likely done it.
What, don't they think women get pissed at not being able to have the same kind of sex life once they're pregnant? Not to mention that at a certain point, she would be unable to get her O via toys and such, whereas he will be able to have his O whenever he wants to throughout the pregnancy. Knowing some, they'd still try and insist their heavily pregnant wife "help him", too. Fvck that. You're supposed to be in it together.
That's like asking him if you can have sex with another man whilst your partner is away because he's not available to have sex with. "You're pregnant and can't give me sex so I'll get it from someone else." Nope. Fvck that.
I'm so glad you're breaking up with him and not having his child. I hope nobody ever has his child. I'd keep tabs on him and warn every girlfriend he ever gets in the future lol.
I have to say, this is one area where a marriage certificate comes in handy. You want to have a child with me? We're gonna be married and legally attached. I am not exaggerating with this next statement: every woman I knew growing up who had a kid out of wedlock was either left or cheated on while they were pregnant. Every. Single. One.
Does a marriage certificate stop cheaters? No. But I do believe that it's more than symbolism.
Please don't have a kid with this guy.
I plan to break up with him
Good.
Ask him to repeat what you said to him that offended him. If he heard it correctly then break up with him cuz wtf?
the fact that men like this can reproduce is what actually makes me question my own masculinity
Filed under: Conversations you never have in a healthy relationship.
He honestly has already cheated
If he doesn't like the potential punishment.... he's probably doing the crime already....
While monogamy is not the only option if that is what yous agreed to then there should never be an issue maintaining it.
The ONLY acceptable response to "don't cheat on me while I'm pregnant" is "Of course. I would never do that to you, pregnant or otherwise".
That you consider "dont cheat on me while I'm pregnant" to be a high standard may be something to reflect on
Keep in mind that his first response was “That’s cruel” not “I would never cheat on you”
People tell on themselves all the time. It’s up to us to listen to them.
Wait, is he saying keeping him out of the delivery room is wrong and cruel? Or just the fact that you are bringing this up in the first place?
Like, is he hurt that you would even consider he cheat on you while pregnant? Or is he hurt that he can’t cheat on you while pregnant without repercussions?
If you even have to have this conversation, why are you dating him?
Judging by his reaction, I think that he’s already cheating on you.
That's such a weird reaction, that makes it sound like he is already cheating on you.
And you dumped him right OP?
Because yeah he's already cheating.
Why TF are you still with him? That response alone implies he's already cheating
Was that the reaction to you saying you would leave or to you saying he was going to cheat on you as soon as you were pregnant? Because that is absolutely a cruel thing to say to someone who just said they want to start a family with you.
Abortion. Abort the foetus and abort him too.
Im cheering you on. Give baby YOUR last name and keep his off the birth certificate.
Not being cheated on during pregnancy isn’t a high expectation. It’s the absolute bare minimum. Your partner shouldn’t cheat whether you are pregnant or not. This is NOT a man you should be having children with.