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Guys, how would you react if a 30-something woman told you she has never slept with anyone? What would go through your mind and is it a turn-off for guys?
maybe surprising and would probably ask follow up questions
And for full disclosure, some guys would probably ask so many questions as to turn her away.
This is the way.
(Sorry. That’s as succinct as I can put it. My apology is around the fact that Jedi4Hire probably gets this as a response more times than he/she would like. And rolls his/her eyes every time this is posted as response to his/her posts/comments. Thanks for reading this Ted talk. I’ll see myself out.)
Tell her there's nothing wrong with that. I remember being pressured to in my first relationship with the whole "a real man would..." spiel so I'd tell her not to be pressured to doing something she's not ready for
That’s a unicorn my guy not a turn off.
It's a shooting star, quickly make a wish!🤞🏻
Hmm nah, I don't buy into that mindset. In my experience, lack of experience usually means that they have no idea what to do and sex will be mid, and probably a little painful, at best for a long time while they get up to speed and more comfortable with the idea
A unicorn? Huh?
So rare it became a myth
Yes, like rocking horse shite or hens teeth, there’s not many of them about.
Ew wtf
I'd be slightly curious if she's just deadly afraid of being intimate with someone, and even more curious if she really wants to be intimate with someone, but I'm not grossed out by her decision to value giving herself to someone who she knows cares about her.
Neither a turn on or turn off. I would take it as she's inexperienced, but not a thought past that.
It wouldn't make a difference to me one way or the other.
I'd be curious about why (but wouldn't ask unless we were close ofc). It's not a turn off.
Depends on the reason. Does she have religious/moral convictions? Understandable. Is she as attractive as a water hag from the Witcher 3? Understandable. Does she says something along the lines of "nobody seems to be interested in me"? Something is wrong there.
You forgot that she may just be asexual and they are just telling you as a matter of fact. Almost as if they were telling you it is meant to rain tomorrow.
That's a totally realistic scenario. Absolutely not rare.
Honestly, I'd probably want to know more about if it was a religious situation.
Because the type of religion that keeps people virgins until their 30s is most likely gonna come with a LOT of bagage.
So, the sexuality/attractiveness side of this is just whatever to me, non issue.
But a couple of decades of hardcore religious indoctrination is a giant concern.
The only people who would say that’s a turn off are women with high body counts, and men who pander to women with high body counts
What really is a turnoff is when someone use a serial killer term like "body count" (that got normalized by the manosphere plebs) while talking about previous sex partners.
Dude just admit that it turns you on when a girls been passed around 😂 weirdo
It's normal for adults to have previous sex partners. You're disgusting.
Wow he actually gets enjoyment from it. 🤮
I'm a woman fyi.
Depends on how this info came up. I might think she's lying to me and/or trying to seduce me. I might think she's just telling me something that she thinks is interesting.
Either way, the fact itself isn't a turn off. If I think she's lying, that would be the turn off.
As someone who is 23 and hasn't slept with anyone because well... Never tried? Or well... I don't have even my own place or job to have money to be able to... I wouldn't mind at all considering there is nothing wrong going on and it was just by choise or perhaps just bad timing?
Some people focus on studies or job so I get it
I would respect her honesty and appreciate that she felt comfortable sharing something so personal. It wouldn’t be a turn off for me, everyone has their own journey nd reasons for their choices. What matters most is our connection and compatibility
I’d tell her I’m a 32 year old guy who hasn’t either.
If you could choose, would you want your first time with an age appropriate inexperienced lady or an experienced woman?
Doesn’t bother me. Everyone at some point has been inexperienced. I’m looking for something long term, including marriage, so if we were each others first, that would be perfect imo.
Thanks for answering (: I’m glad you think that. That would be an ideal situation for me as well.
If there were no red flags concerning why she didn't do that then of course it wouldn't be bad. It could be good though.
I'm not hooking up with someone who tells me that.
If I'm into it and she's into it and there's a relationship to pursue, I would love it.
I'm a 31m who Is a virgin so I'd be excited to have someone to share first times with.
I was 30. The right person would feel flattered and any negative reaction is a red flag. And she did.
Suspect but ok. Might be true.
I literally couldn’t care less.
No thanks.
Immediately have zero interest in anything romantic.
I would care approximately zero percent.
It's a non-issue and not a turn-off for me.
Not a turn-off for me. Everyone should be going at it at their own pace.
i mean, really it just comes down to "how was she able to do this" and "why".. not in a degrading way, but in a curiosity way. as a 38yo Man, who loses interest in sex more and more as i get older (i'm at like 1.5y now with no sex and not caring in the slightest.. thought about it the other night though, my wife was looking hot, but we rolled over and went to bed, and i didn't even try. Not her fault, it's mine). so i get it, sex isn't a 'need' or else we'd be dead without it (like food, water, air. those are NEEDS, everything else is a 'want').
It would be neither, but it would definitely make me want to have an interesting discussion with her about her life story. I would make my judgment about attraction from other things.
I'd be very curious as to why.
considering ive only met 2/3 girls in their early 20s that havent id be super shocked
It's not a turn-off but I would have some questions. The questions would be to gauge if we could actually be sexually compatible.
Crazy that I had to scroll this far down to find the real answer. We're all going to be wondering why and be considering how they'll be in bed. It might not necessarily be a turn off but all of the "indifferent" comments are bullshit lol. Lying online is crazy
Eh I'd find it kind of weird. But it depends on why, but still rather weird for me , but to each his own. Dudes that obsess over meeting a virgin are projecting their own sexual inadequacies. I myself at 31 don't want to teach another person how to have sex , let alone anyone that has a chip on their shoulder regarding their own sexuality.
Dudes that obsess over meeting a virgin are projecting their own sexual inadequacies
EXACTLY! I find those men to be red flag-ish. Now I'm not talking about men who are indifferent to if someone is a virgin or not.. I'm talking about the men who gets excited and intrigued when they're not even virgins themselves. Ew.
Not really, but if she was 40+, successful professional career, very attractive, never moved away from home (obviously parent caregiver exception) and had never been in a serious relationship, I'd be very afraid of what the heck is going on there. Seen a friend get into that situation and the outcome was pretty insane. She demanded he stop socializing with his "uncouth" friends, married, made him reverse a vasectomy, got pregnant, they bought a house and then one day out of the blue not long after goes "I bought a house, we're divorcing" and left.
We all tried to stop him. First time I met her I instantly saw the blank flat emotionless face and there was nothing going on behind those eyes at all. Like a robot
Kinda depends.
If the woman has something “obviously negative” going against her (severe BO, crazy bad attitude, etc) then my first thought would be “Not surprised.”
Otherwise my thought would be a combination of “Why?” with a touch of “What’s wrong here?”
Wouldn't bother me at all.
Depends on why she's rendering that information. Is she looking to change that? Or is she the want to wait until after married type.
I usually prefer some experience, but if the connection is there it wouldn't be a deal breaker
The context matters a lot on this one.
If this was a person I was dating, I'd be shocked. Naturally. Of course I wouldn't be dating a 30-something to begin with, I'm far too old for that. However, as a hypothetical, let's pretend I'm 20 years younger. Is this person hoping that I will be their first? That's a fair amount of pressure, but not something I would shy away from. I would feel honored, if I'm being completely honest. Still, a lot to consider but if we were serious and considering a relationship, it wouldn't be a bad thing.
If this were a friend sharing their personal experience, I would listen and probably congratulate them for not making rash decisions and hoping to keep themselves for whomever they are waiting for. Or if they were saying it as a negative for some reason, I would offer them reassurance.
And finally, if it's just some rando sharing highly personal information for no reason, I'd be puzzled but I'm not gonna lie, I would definitely have follow up questions. First of which being "why have you shared this with me, miss?" among many others.
So yeah, it's not a turn-off under any circumstances. Just to finish answering your question.
Interesting, lets take it slow and let her take her time, maybe there is some trauma, so better be extra attentive and patient.
Would be my exact monologue in my head.
I have been in that position. It was both fun and terrible in that everything was new to her, we trusted each other enough to try things, and she was a good one in bed. But when the relationship soured, she tried to use the fact that I was her first to strong arm me into staying with her. We still broke up despite threats of self harm. She married the third guy after me a few years later. (I only know because she kept in touch to try and make me jealous.)
Not a problem in itself, but the reason why might be. For example, not having sex until marriage.
I wouldn't really care tbh. However, if it's a romantic interest, I would most likely end things. Not really interested in dealing with virgins, sorry.
Not a turn off. But in my 30’s, I would know it’s a “take your time” scenario.
It would raise questions. Why, being the most important one.
Does she have trauma or religious based hangups about sex? Does she have a sex drive at all? I'd be worried that the relationship would be or would quickly become sexless.
If she demonstrated that she had a healthy attitude toward sex and a normal libido, but hadn't slept with anyone due to circumstance, it would be fine.
Nope not a turn off.
I’m jaded so I would think she’s lying but it’s really not a turn off for me.
I am that person who is a female in her 30s and hasn’t slept with anyone . Guys get intrigued, fascinated, usually most attracted. Even if they’re not virgins themselves they like virgins, which is hypocritical. The only ones turned off are the ones who want easy sex because typically it takes time and trust for a virgin to have sex with a man . All this is based off my 33 years of experience
The guys that get excited by hearing "I'm a virgin" are major red flags.
Agreed. They then talk to me like I’m an anomaly or a prize to be captured. Which is why I’ve learned to save that knowledge.
Oh my goodness.. I'm so sorry you have to deal with those 🤢🤮
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3d
My body count is 0, I haven't killed anyone.
When it comes to previous sex partners, you don't have to have many of them to understand that men who get excited by virgins are often slimy purity worms.
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Take it as whatever you want. My point still stands.
I think that's a lot of asexuals, or it could be as our culture changes. Nothing wrong with that.
I'd wonder if she were asexual like me
This is not a turn off for me. What would go through my mind is “She isn’t promiscuous” or “she must be waiting till marriage”. To me it looks like she has standards and that is a huge green flag.
that's finding gold
Manosphere pleb
If she's telling me that it either means she doesn't want to with me, has no interest in it period, or is a green light.
Regardless, it would open a door for a conversation.
If she wasn’t a very religious person I would be highly skeptical.
If she WAS religious then she’s a fucking golden unicorn and I’d do anything in my power to win her affection.
If I wasn’t already married. :)
Blank canvass time
Ew
Guys like lower body counts on a woman
Talk for yourself. Most men actually don't care much. Most who do care and are super excited about virginity are chronically online manosphere smegmas.
I'd be curious but it's deffo not a turn-off.
You can almost hear all the women furiously tapping the downvote button, lmao
Vise grip
I’m too selfish so I honestly wouldn’t care.
Ok
The reason is more important than the fact. Well, not surprisingly it's because you're one of those "no sex before marriage" people. I don't want to be with people who is this hung up on sex. Marrying you would have a high chance of a shitty sex life.
If she's a friend, I'd think it was an interesting tidbit about her. I would be curious to understand her reasons, but that's about it.
It's a deal-breaker for romance/sex, though. I wouldn't want to be her first. Also, while it's important to get to know my partner and what she enjoys, I can't do that when she doesn't know herself. I'd wish her the best of luck, but I'd probably be open to remaining friends.
I will try to see what this means for a possible relationship with a prospective partner.
If for example someone's abstinence is rooted in deep seated troubles with intimacy then that's something that warrants cautious approach. Whereas if her lack of any sexual experience is due to something benign then it's not a source of worry but merely consideration and accommodation for her lack of experience. I consider personal choice, lack of opportunity due to life circumstances, and other such reasons as innocuous in most cases.
Wouldn't judge you for that but it would then depend as to why really, like if you said it's because you hate all men or haven't a guy special enough then I'll probably judge you a bit, if it's just your introverted and not sure how to socialise thats cool then.
Probably think that's impossible but calculating in my mind on how did she not get anyone at all. Also, not a turn off for me.
If I'm the guy you're about to sleep with it wouldn't amount to a hill of beans to me.
Confused by how that hasnt happened Wondering if this is some sort of sneaky way to brag, like shes hoping that this makes her seem more desirable (appealing to the "i only date virgins" crowd) Debating what the right step would be down the line
I think guys would think some guys who have never experienced that would not be turned off by it, but usually it means they aren't going to sleep with them either.
"what a coincidence! Nether have I"
How I would react would depend on the context in which the question was asked. If it were asked in a context where we were both sexually interested in each other, I might say something like, "I'll be gentle the first time, but we're gonna have fun." It's definitely not a turn-off. Possibly even a turn-on.
The only thing that would give me pause is the fact that virgins have a tendency to turn into stage-5 clingers for the man who deflowers them, which can be annoying. That being said, I'm the type of man who prefers to play the long game, as opposed to having a lot of casual sex. So if we're at that point, I'm probably already thinking long-term. If it plays out, it might actually be really nice to have a woman who has never slept with anyone else.
Not a problem. I'm a newly 30 year old guy who has never slept with someone. We can figure this shit out together
I wouldn't react nothing would go through my mind and it's not a turn off for me anyway
Not necessarily going to be a turn off. Depends on the reason. If she’s just been looking for the right guy and has high standards then it’s not a turn off. I might think her standards are just too high, but it’s not really my place to say. Now if she’s super religious and her relationship with god is the most important thing to her and she’s saving herself for marriage, that’s gonna be a boner killer for sure.
I don’t usually date someone who has had more experience than me, so this would be what I’d usually look for on my end too. I look for less or equal in regards to sex. Current gf was the second I ever had sex with.
I’ve been intimate with more women, but never agreed to actual sex until I felt I knew them better and could actually see a future with them. Women will usually express to me that they respect and like my boundary of waiting till I get to know the person before having sex, but quickly change their tune when they realize I actually mean it.
Sexual compatibility isn’t a concern for me. Sex is a skill. It can be learned, improved, and adapted. That does require communication from both partners and many people miss that crucial step and drop things without trying to communicate.
I was 27, and the guy was definitely turned on by it. I honestly think he was more interested in me because of it, and he really drew it out (made me wait a while lol). By that point I just wanted to not be a virgin anymore because I felt like an alien. I had been waiting for a mutually loving relationship OR a zipless fuck (something so hot that the clothes just seen to disappear), but neither happened, so I lowered my standards a lot. Lol. He was okay.
the guy was definitely turned on by it. I honestly think he was more interested in me because of it,
That is so creepy
Yeah...I convinced myself I didn't care because I liked him, but in hindsight, yeah, kinda gross.
There's a saying in my language that goes; Det är lätt att vara efterklok (literal translation; It's easy to be after-wise). It's about not really thinking something through wisely until after it happened.
I think that fits perfectly into this context. But it's not too late to start avoiding those kind of men, even if you're not a virgin yourself anymore.
Oh yeah, this was a long time ago, and I don't waste my time with guys like that anymore. 😉
Thanks for the cool saying! In English we say "hindsight is 20/20."
If I was interested in dating her, I would be cautious, honestly. Like, is she a virgin because of religious convictions? (That's not for me, personally). Has she been actively trying to find a partner but hasn't? (Is there something that each man discovered that turned him off? Or does she have unrealistic or unhealthy expectations?) Does she have a rule about no sex x before marriage? (That's cool if that's what you want to do but I would never do that. Way too much unknowns)
Been there and it's not really different except the foreplay and working up to the actual act of sex, then a bit more after care... Varies woman to woman obviously but I can't say it was a turn off at all
I’d be quite curious as to why. It might be a turn off because that would signal to me she likely hasn’t wanted it, but I’d withhold any judgment u til she told me why.
Oh I do hope men would give women like this a shot. Sometimes it’s not on purpose, lol. I was 23 before I was kissed and before I lost my virginity. I ended up marrying the guy (8 yrs 2 babies!). He was very experienced so I was so nervous to tell him about my complete and utter lack thereof, but when I did, he just smiled and said it was okay, and that he was okay doing whatever I felt comfortable with…(I wanted to jump his bones). I was not at all an ogre either, I was and still am an attractive and very fit woman, I was just never pursued by many guys so the opportunity never arose. (My girlfriends told me it was because my looks were intimidating/I had a little RBF).
So anyways don’t assume it’s on purpose is my point! We don’t have men flying at us, contrary to every dude’s belief, especially nowadays with the dating scene being so narrowed from lack of in-person socialization opportunities.
I'd assume that it was a lie a it wouldn't improve my opinion of them.
I had a 50 year old woman tell me she was a virgin, and that was a major turn off.
For context, I was 18 and she was my boss at a fishing operation in a remote part of Alaska. She had severe anger issues, was very large, and I was locked in her truck…
Neutral. Not a factor.
Hell no. Not a turn off at all.
Her saying that is exponentially better than her saying she had her hoe phase already and is looking to settle down now.
A 30 something? Yeah that would be really weird for me. I would want to know what her reasons were. I would assume she is asexual.
I would have a lot of questions. It's not a turn on.
I have to go against majority here, it's a turn-off for me. I'm assuming slightly below average looks and better in this scenario. There are a few reasons why she would be a virgin in her 30's and the only one which would be somewhat compatible with my life and attitude towards life and sex are medical reasons. Everything else like religious affiliation, general over-romanticizing of love, or even some mental issues are not for me. Because whatever it is, overcoming these blockages is likely a lot of work which honestly I'm not really willing to put into a new relationship in that regard because sexual incompatibility can still occur and we just wasted each others time.
30 and still a virgin?
There'd better be a good explanation, otherwise I'm going to assume I've stuck my dick in crazy.
Definitely won't be a turn-off for me, would actually surprise me a bit though, by that age only a few women isn't married, have kids or divorced, especially if she is attractive!
i’d rather have a partner who knows what they’re doing
Lies
Around 30, I was with a woman that seemed like a virgin. It felt like a lot of responsibility and it was ultimately a turnoff bc what was a really big deal for her was pretty typical for me. Eventually I subconsciously sabotaged the relationship. But I wish I hadn't though. That was probably the most solid woman I've ever dated in my life.
Nothing wrong with it, I personally wouldn't pursue things further. I think I am in the minority tho!
No thanks. I prefer women with experience
I wouldn’t believe her but I also wouldn’t care.
We can fix that, then I'd say, "we can fix that"
"i am going to rock her world"
That would bump her to high interest unless its because of trauma or something
I’d find you incredibly attractive
Did you meet my friend? She’s religious though so she’s waiting until marriage, I have mad respect for her for that.
If she was hot and thin I’d react like she could be my wife.
Stupid ass
What would be going through my mind: "She is much worse liar than my last girlfriend, but that is probably a good thing."
I’d think she was lying honestly
Not a turn off but extremely difficult to believe when sex is only a quick text message away for you lol.
It's not that easy for women either. And many of us don't want meaningless sex.
I would assume she was developmentally delayed, a religious prude, or asexual.
In all cases it’s the friend zone.
So you're saying her expectations are low?
It would be Q&A time. So many questions and so many follow up questions. (As long as we're not in a work environment where I'd end up in HR.)
I didn;t grow up in religious culture so the entire virginity thing was unimportant past the age of adolescence.
It would be a red flag for me that there are other emotional or mental issues at play.
Been there.
My mind went "if I touch this chick, I am never getting rid of her". Had a few that WEREN'T virgins and they were like "where the hell has THIS been!?" and they became crazy-obsessive... Imagine a woman who STARTS with that level of contact. 😬
Her age would be the turn off. Not sleeping with anyone would be a turn on. But I would question why she waited so long and why she missed her chance to date when she was younger.
The impression I get from women like this is that they have unrealistically high standards or do not make dating a priority. So , while it does not make them less attractive, it does make me not want to pursue them because it seems likely they will not be interested in dating at all anf certainly not interested in me.
I would be like why are you telling me this? I don't give a shit I'm married.
Call her a liar and keep it moving…
Personally I’d think she’s lying but that’s just me
I'd prob tell her "Well i can change that for ya tonight" (she's a milf that's NOT a turn off plus im 18 im 187cm tall i cook i do muay thai im Spanish from europe i got great stamina and i like books just sayin)
Well she probably wouldn’t be a milf…
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That's not going to be a turn off for most men. A lot would probably just find it mildly interesting, maybe surprising and would probably ask follow up questions.