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NTA - your sister is weird. You wore a dress you already owned, and had worn to many other events and your sister threw a fit because it was your "Wedding Dress". She needs to get over herself!! ASAP!!
Also, if you are autistic and your sister grew up with you, she should already know not to be sarcastic with you if she really wants to tell you something. Such a basic blunder on her side. NTA
One of the classic blunders! Next she’ll go up against a Sicilian when ☠️ is on the line!
Or worse a land war in Aisa
With a 6 fingered man!
It's inconceivable!
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
INCONCEIVABLE!
I see what you've done here.
Inconceivable!
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Anybody want a peanut?
No more rhymes now, I mean it
Oh my gosh I want to watch this now
Me too!
As you wish!
She is a fool.
Sometimes my family uses sarcasm with me too so I don’t always pick up on it, but when I’m in the wrong they claim it was “obviously a joke because they were being sarcastic” as a defense. 🤷♀️
That's just rude of them. And honestly, it's a bit abusive.
Let’s also just define the word “expressly” in this context. Even if OP wasnt autistic, saying I expressly told you to do or not do something means you said the exact words do not do that. Which she didn’t do!!!
i've never heard of a family accommodating for an autistic family member in this way before. i'm autistic and my mom has been very sarcastic my entire life, and i either say "i can't tell if you're kidding or not" or she clarifies when she realizes a misunderstanding occurred. to be honest, most autistic people i know are very sarcastic themselves.
My son is autistic. I do make jokes around him and use sarcasm (and sometimes he gets it, sometimes I need to clarify), but if I need to communicate something important, I tell him in plain words because I don’t want him to misunderstand.
Put differently: if I use sarcasm to communicate something important, and the other person misunderstands the sarcasm, that’s on me, independent of whether the other person is autistic or not, but doubly so if they are because I should have known better.
I do this with people who aren't autistic. Sometimes things need to be crystal clear, and in those instances I will communicate as clearly as I can.
Exactly, when it’s an extremely important situation, why would you risk your words being misinterpreted? Plus, if it does happen anyway, you can at least know that you did the best you could to convey that message.
Agreed. Happy cake day too.
Eh, it's a spectrum. What's that saying, if you've met one person with Autism, you've met one person with Autism? Something like that. Even people who aren't autistic sometimes have difficulty differentiating between sarcasm and sincerity. Or deadpan humor. OP's situation is one in which I would ask for clarification, even if I thought someone was being sarcastic, just to avoid miscommunication.
i wasn't saying anything about op's situation or trying to make sweeping generalizations about autistic people. just saying that i've never heard of families that had a rule about doing the accommodation that the other commenter criticized the sister for not knowing to do
Cool, no worries, I wasn't trying to attack you or anything :)
It has been my experience that autistic people are very good at producing sarcasm while understanding sarcasm from others is hit or miss.
Fröhlicher Kuchentag!
🥳🎂🎉
Happy cake day!
Happy Cake Day
The only people at the bride's wedding that could potentially recognize OP's dress as her "wedding dress" would be family that were at her wedding six years ago, and have a picture of her in the dress at her wedding. It's been six years, and OP's worn the dress to other events. Now if the dress was white in any way, the sister might have a reason to be upset.
Plus, with OP being autistic, there's a chance she has sensory issues, and the dress she owns is one of the fabric's that's acceptable.
“NTA Your sister is weird” is literally exactly what I came here to type.
NTA... it was blue and she literally said yes?? like i think she has issues and im pretty sure its common knowledge that autistic ppl have difficulty picking up on sarcasm + u wore it to other events. whats the point of having a dress if ur not gonna wear it...
It doesn’t need to be common knowledge if your sister is autistic and you’re both in your 30s.
She simply must know it wouldn’t have gone in
Yeah I’m a fellow autistic female in my late 20s and I’ve gotten good at spotting sarcasm face-to-face but I’m totally lost when it’s text. If this was a text conversation I feel for OP
it doesn't even matter the common knowledge autistic part. like, that's her sister lol. you grew up together. how does she not know OP doesn't pick up on sarcasm?? I know so many little tidbits about my siblings and the best words to speak to them to get what I want 😈. MASSIVE blunder on sisters part
I think many people have a dress they never wear so that the time they did wear it is more special to them. I like to think of the marriage as more important than the wedding, but it’s down to personal preference really.
Not sure why you got downvoted for this, that's absolutely why people buy expensive wedding dresses. Other people might not like it but they don't need to downvote you for answering the person above's (somewhat rhetorical) question.
The downvotes are probably because OP said she’s worn it to other occasions. So it’s not a dress she never wears and only wore for her own wedding.
yeah, but that's not what Key_Campaign is talking about, they're just answering a separate question. Eh, that's what I get for questioning the decision making skills of redditors I guess!
Probably the same reason I'm getting downvoted on my initial comment for saying nearly the same things as others here are.
People are fickle and this is Reddit.
I'm with u/sox_hamster - not sure why the downvotes. Like you said - many people have a dress they never wear so it is special. Obviously, "many people" do not include OP. It seems to be that OP likely matches up more to your next line, where the marriage is more important than the wedding.
Each to his own said the lady as she kissed the cow.
hold on do most people get married first then have a wedding?? cause i always thought that the legal marriage was during liek the function itself
Depends on the country - some always require a civil wedding, and the religious wedding is optional. My friend's parents got married civilly because they had a shot at getting an apartment if they were married. They didn't actually live together until the religious marriage, but that was a choice.
I could understand that if OP decided not to wear it to her second wedding (may she never need one), but why would it be special to her sister?
Is the sister offended that OP didn't spend additional money to buy a new formal dress, which she would of course had preserved as a sacred memory of her sister's wedding? Has she ever reworn the dress that she wore to OP's wedding?
Well into the 19th century in England, a wedding dress was just her best day dress (even if it was made for the wedding) and it was worn as a good dress after that. The princess-fantasy, one day only dresses developed later.
Knowledge of autistic people's reaction to sarcasm is totally irrelevant. If ANYONE wants to communicate something clearly, they should leave out the sarcasm.
It's possible that the sister is autistic as well. It definitely runs in families, and sometimes if one child is better at masking, parents won't pick up on the signs and symptoms. Neither will teachers, if the child isn't having any academic or behavioral issues. Autism is woefully under diagnosed in girls and women.
i mean yes but regardless i think she should have told her a solid "no" rather than leaving her on the edge like this
I don't think it's right to say she literally said yes. She was saying no in a roundabout and sarcastic way (I am not agreeing with how the sister responded at all). But ya she should've been clear and said not to instead of responding in an offended way to a genuine question about what op should wear.
The words she literally said were, "Sure. Wear your wedding dress to my wedding. I don't mind at all." That is literally saying it is okay to wear that dress. She didn't mean that and conveyed that with her tone, but the words she literally said were an affirmative answer to the question asked.
^^ yeah i wouldnt have picked up on that either ngl she should have said a firm no if she didnt want it
If she put her thumbs down and shook her head no to someone blind, while saying yes to them out loud, that would be in effect saying yes.
Same thing here, they've known eachother 30 years, lived together and possibly even shared a room for a good chunk of that. She knows op will not pick up on sarcasm, seems like she just wanted a reason to be mad at op and start drama, so she invented one up.
NTA
1) You are absolutely correct that the dress is NOT white nor does it look like wedding dress but rather a formal outfit. 2) You asked and she said Sure. To the extent there was sarcasm, you didn't get it AND as your sister she should have known that.
If one wants to be very clear with what they want, then don't use sarcasm.
NTA. This is not a friggin' wedding dress with the bling and the veils and all that crap. It is a formal dress you used for your wedding. Suggest that going forward, your sister remove the stick that is up her butt.
It might be a sequoia though...
Giant or Coastal?
Excellent question. I'm going to guess Giant sequoia based on sister's behavior. That is a lot of stick-up-the-butt volume.
It used to be perfectly common place to wear your “best dress” to your wedding and to continue to wear it to church and other formal occasions. Your dress was not white and in no way outshone the bride. Your sister had an opportunity to ask you to wear something else and she didn’t. Autistic or not, sarcasm is often hard to read over text and you could hardly be expected to read her mind to know she meant the opposite of what she said. NTA
Queen Victoria made a white dress into "tradition" but many women had been wearing white to their weddings for 20ish years before her because a white dress was often your best dress for fancy occasions. Or if purchased/made for the wedding white would be the fanciest color for future use.
Also a status symbol displaying that the family could afford a one use dress, which was rare in those days.
Or at least wouldn't be doing things that would get a dress dirty.
NTA. You're not the asshole, but she sure is. She grew up with you and should have a better understanding of the social issues that come along with autism. This is on her. Not you.
NTA
So my best friend had her wedding reception last year. I asked her if was okay to wear one of my favorite dresses as she wanted us to look nice. That's fine I have a few that I would say are appropriately nice. I asked her more than once as I have my own issues understanding things, and she assured me it was fine. No issues day of or anything. Your dress was BLUE and you only have two nicer dresses. She would have complained if you had worn the other one too.
ETA: My dress was one I wore to my own wedding.
NTA - Some people just want to find an excuse to pick a fight with their siblings. ZERO reasons she should have had any problems with this dress at all...
I wouldn’t be surprised if the sister responded sarcastically on purpose to trap OP in this situation and have an excuse to pick on her. They’re in their 30’s and grew up together, there’s no way that the sister didn’t know before now that OP struggles understanding sarcasm. I also wouldn’t be surprised if this wasnt the first situation where the sister used OP’s autism against her.
NTA But is that dress black tie? I think Black Tie means floor length for women. Was she mad because the dress didn’t fit the dress code? But either way, NTA.
Agree it's a very pretty and elegant dress but it's cocktail attire, not black tie. That said, a on of people use "black tie" interchangeably with "formal" and I think that's what the sister is doing given she didn't mention the length when OP asked, just that it's a "wedding dress".
Yes I’m like n t a for wearing a blue dress, but YTA because that is not a black tie dress and it’s not even close.
Agreed
This is almost the exact same story as this... https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18nlf72/aita_for_wearing_my_wedding_dress_to_someone/
I would not be surprised if this post is sponsored by this dress…
That was my first thought too. This seems basically copy pasted.
NTA - its not a wedding dress and you didn’t pick up on the sarcasm.
NTA..
Ps - the dress in the link looks pretty.
It’s a great dress that can be worn on many occasions. I hope OP keeps wearing it as much as possible.
I hope so too.
Oh for crying out loud I looked at the dress and NTA. Also, if your sister actually had a problem with the dress she should have said so instead of being sarcastic. A lot of people miss sarcasm. She should have acted like an adult and said that wouldn't work for her (especially since you asked beforehand) instead of acting like a snarky teenager. The mix-up is on her.
NTA but for the record that dress you posted is not black tie
Tell her you were being traditional lol. Did you know that victorian brides were expected to wear their wedding dress to all formal events - including other people's weddings - for at least a year after they were married? Just so long as you didn't wear a veil or orange blossoms, you're good.
Orange blossoms..?
Traditional wedding flower in Victoria era.
TIL, thanks for the fun fact!
Ah! Thank you!
NTA. It just happens to be the dress you wore to your wedding...and a couple of other events.
She should have used her words and told you NOT to wear it. SHE is the only one who brought attention to it by yelling at you! I would bet all the money I have that NO ONE noticed until she lost her mind.
I would go LC with her for a while. You did nothing wrong.
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I wore my “wedding dress” to my sister’s wedding after a misunderstanding
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
you specifically made it a point to not overshine her on her day and even knowing not to wear white and such. You also asked and sister failed to properly and directly tell you to not do it. Her sarcasm failed her. Finally, you even tried to better the situation and asked what you could do to rectify the situation.
NTA. Presumably there are only two people, maybe three?, who knew that was your "wedding" dress. You, your sister, and maybe your husband. Would she have rather you worn the white one?
NAH I think your sister was upset because whilst you are happy wearing your wedding dress out to other occasions your sister sees a wedding dress as something you dream about for years before finally getting the opportunity to wear it and wear it once. I can kind of see how with that viewpoint she could find it hurtful that you were your wedding dress to her wedding. I do also completely see where you're coming from here and that dress in other circumstances would be perfect for weddings etc
NTA. You made the choice of the two dresses that would draw less attention to yourself at her wedding. She’s reaching.
Omg nta. Your sister is ta.
NTA - Not sure why she was upset. Cute dress.
NTA - Your sister sounds like an immature brat. In any other context I would have assumed she was in her teens with how childish she acted. Just ignore her temper tantrum if you don’t feel like dealing with her, I’m sure she will find some equally petty thing to be upset about. Maybe her new spouse will mismatch their shoes to their belt for their next couple photo.
NTA. I really am worried about some people because they sound one stressful event away from a psychotic break. Who gets worked up over a dark blue velvet dress?
NTA.
Personally, I didn’t see the point of getting a dress I’d only wear once, which my sister (35F) found very surprising as she’s grown up dreaming of her wedding day so what I wore is memorable for her.
I'm guessing because your sister cares so much about her wedding, she might assume that everyone secretly really cares about their wedding day. So even if you made it clear you didn't care about yours, she might have assumed you were lying and actually do see the blue dress as your "wedding dress".
Anyhow, what makes this a square NTA situation to me is the fact that you wear that dress to a lot of events so it's clear it's just a normal dress to you.
Also... I bet half the men wore their wedding suits??!!! NTA
Underrated comment.
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
I (38F) got married 6 years ago and for my wedding I wore a dark blue dress that I had owned already. I don’t see it as “my wedding dress”, rather “the dress I happened to wear to my wedding”. My wedding was not the most important day of my life, and calling that dress my wedding dress doesn’t fit for me because it’s like saying it’s my “new year 2023 dress” just because I wore it then.
Personally, I didn’t see the point of getting a dress I’d only wear once, which my sister (35F) found very surprising as she’s grown up dreaming of her wedding day so what I wore is memorable for her.
The dress code was black tie, and I have two black tie dresses, one being white, so obviously not to be worn at a wedding, and the other being that dark blue dress. I’ve worn it to many different events before and after my own wedding, and there’s never been a problem. So I thought it would be okay to wear to my sister’s wedding.
I made sure I asked her about it the next time I saw her. Her exact words were, “Sure, wear your wedding dress to my wedding. I don’t mind at all.” This was sarcasm, which I didn’t pick up on because I am autistic and find sarcasm difficult to recognise. So I wore it, and during the reception she pulled me aside and shouted at me for wearing it when, “I expressly told you not to wear that dress!”.
I was very confused, because that was the complete opposite of what she’d actually said, but I shortly figured out the misunderstanding and immediately felt awful and asked her what I should do as I hadn’t bought another suitable dress. She just told me not to draw attention to myself and didn’t talk to me the rest of the evening. I think I fulfilled that wish because no one else noticed what dress I was wearing.
[this] is a similar dress. Mine has slightly different sleeves and is of course a different colour (https://www.roman.co.uk/velvet-bubble-sleeve-midi-dress-14175034)
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NTA. Its not a wedding dress, its just a dress, your sister is weird.
NTA. Your sister is a lunatic.
NTA. This dress is elegant yet casual enough to wear at work if you have more posh dress code. No one in their right mind would see this and think "aha, its OP wedding dress"
NTA: it shouldn't be a problem as the dress wasn't white. Also she shouldn't have used sarcasm on you when she knows your autistic. Don't feel bad about this at all.
NTA Sister over-reacted. If she was at your wedding, she should have known the dress in question and should have clearly told you that she didn't want you to wear it.
Uhm...i already heard this exact same story here...with the exact dress so i honestly dont know if this is fishing for karma or something.
Your sister is being ridiculous. I actually rolled my eyes. It's just a freaking dress. It's not like anyone would recognize it as the dress you got married in. NTA
Yikes. NTA.
NTA, the only ones who would know would be people that attended your wedding. I am surprised you weren't a bridesmaid for your sister.
NTA- you asked, your sister wasn’t clear in her response. This is on her for not being specific and clarifying her feelings on the matter.
Nta your sister over reacted. No one was going to care.
hasn't this been posted already like 5 months ago?
NTA, doesn’t look like a traditional wedding dress to me. She sounds like she just wanted to be controlling and gripe about something.
NTA. you didn't wear white, and you were comfortable.
NTA. Very few people at your sister's wedding, no matter how much they love you, would have looked at you and thought "OMG, I was at OP's wedding 6 years ago and that's the exact same dress!"
NTA. Smart choice, getting married in a dress that you can actually wear again. I did the same, now the dress carries a build up of nice memories.
NTA. I know of no rule that you cannot where "your wedding dress" to a wedding. The rule is you shouldn't wear "a wedding dress" i.e. a dress that looks like a traditional wedding dress, such that you will be mistaken for the bride. That dress is not "a wedding dress."
Your sister is just looking for something to be upset about. Nobody else cared or even noticed. Forget about it, hopefully she does too. If she doesn't .. oh well.
shouted at me for wearing it
She just told me not to draw attention to myself
Absolutely NTA. That dress is fine to wear to a wedding no matter when you wore it previously.
She’s overreacting.
NTA. It’s not white. Also she said yes and didn’t specify afterwards that she was being sarcastic and the real answer is “No”, so the answer was the “yes” that she actually said.
She’s acting and communicating like a child.
Your sister needs therapy. JFC definitely nta
NTA- that's not a "wedding dress", just a nice dress. Had you worn a white wedding gown with all the bells and whistles, I'd be worried about you.
NTA, perfectly fine dress for a wedding as described
NTA
NTA
NTA. I checked the link - that is a dress. Not a wedding dress. No one else noticed because your sister is simply being dramatic.
I've never understood this bride mindset when it comes to dresses, I've read many stories that are very similar, where the bride gets super upset over what someone else is wearing. If you're that pedantic you should write that specifically on the invites or handpick and pay for everyones outfits.
NTA it’s a pretty dress and definitely nothing like a wedding dress. If she wanted you to wear something else or not wear that one, she should have offered to help you find something to wear.
She didn’t expressly tell you not to
NTA. She didn’t “expressly” tell you anything. She sarcastically told you. You asked, she gave an answer and you took that answer at face value.
NTA. If she didn't want you to wear it she should have said that plainly and clearly instead of being an asshole.
NTA The reason it is taboo to wear white when you are not the bride, is that you could be mistaken for/ upstage the bride. Did you look like a bride? I doubt it. Were you somehow taking attention away from the bride? Probably not. Are you prettier than your sister, and she is jealous? Even if you are, you can't help that. Your sister is ridiculous.
NTA it’s literally a normal dress to wear as a wedding guest!
NTA, absolutely no one would notice unless she said something
NTA. Your sister presumably knows you are autistic and that you don't understand sarcasm. And every other guest, bar your spouse and parents etc., would have no idea the dress you were wearing was also your wedding dress. Your sister set herself up, or was doing this on purpose to upset you.
“i expressly told you not to wear that dress!” no ma’am that’s NOT what you said! maybe she should’ve just… actually told you not to wear the dress instead of using sarcasm..
NTA- Your sister sucks.
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NTA. The dress in your picture is very lovely and very tasteful. It seems perfectly appropriate, and it does not look like one that would upstage the bride, which is always your concern when going to a wedding. You want to look good, but not better than the bride.
NTA.
Your sister is nuts. It’s just a dress that you have worn to several events.
Also she should know better than to expect you to pick up on sarcasm.
NTA
NTA. I seriously doubt anyone who was at both weddings remembers a dress from 6 years ago and were certainly not going to say anything. I am sure there were many who were not even at your wedding. So your sister yelled at you and drew attention to it when it otherwise would have been a non-issue.
I almost want to do a fake wedding with my girlfriend to find out if she will become a wedding lunatic like I hear about in the stories here. This whole attention thing is ridiculous.
NTA - Honesty even if you had only worn it once to your wedding it's not an obvious wedding dress and six years is long enough most people wouldn't notice it was the same dress. And if asked you could just deny it. "Oh no this isn't my wedding dress." Because it's no longer that, if you're wearing to another event. It's like saying you can only wear your prom dress once. The whole idea that you have to buy a new dress for her wedding when you have a perfectly good dress at home is absurd. It's not your wedding, you shouldn't have to waste money buying a whole new dress just because your sister decided to get hitched. Maybe if all you had was white dresses it would be fine because we all need a darker dress for some occasions but this is your darker dress so you didn't need a new one.
If she’s 35 and knows you’re autistic, why would she use sarcasm? What result was she expecting? NTA
(And I say this as an autistic person who struggles with sarcasm as well.)
NTA. No one would ever assume that was a wedding dress and I’m sure if anyone did know and notice they wouldn’t care or give it a second thought. I would just assume you wore it to both because it was your favourite formal dress, which is actually a nice thing to wear for your sister’s wedding. If she didn’t want you to wear it she should have actually told you not to.
NTA. Your sister is though. That dress would never be mistaken for a wedding dress. Worse is taht your sister has known you your entire life and must know that you don;t read sarcasm well. THAT makes her a DAH.
Is she mad because you look great in it?
NTA mainly as your sister should know you don't understand sarcasm and have explicitly state you can't wear it. This the only reason why I'm not stating YTA as I've friends and family on the spectrum and I know which ones I can and can't be sarcastic to, as some do and some don't get it.
“Sure, wear your wedding dress to my wedding. I don’t mind at all.” ... “I expressly told you not to wear that dress!”
LOL. What is wrong with people? Maybe an NT person would have picked up on the sarcasm, but your sister, of all people, should recognize you don't always pick up on it and clarified if it was that big of a deal to her.
Brides are losing their minds. Yes, it is your special day but for the love of everything that’s holy you’re missing the freaking point!!! It is a day to celebrate the love between you and your husband. Focusing on every fucking aspect of the day that has nothing to do with it is making you and many of your guests miserable.
NTA…this clearly should not be an issue at all. Also, doesn’t your sister know you by now? She didn’t know that sarcasm isn’t the right way to express things to you especially if she feels it’s that important?
jesus your sister needs to chill. would she have even recognized the dress if you hadn't originally said anything? clearly no one else did. you got married six years ago and have worn the dress repeatedly since then. no one saw you and thought 'wedding dress' except your sister. NTA
NTA. The fact that you wore this to get married in doesn’t make it a “wedding dress” in the sense that it’s competing with the bride.
Absolute nonsense.
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NTA. This is not a wedding dress. And, your sister should know better.
This was sarcasm, which I didn’t pick up on because I am autistic and find sarcasm difficult to recognise.
NTA, and honestly that's kind of on your sister. she's known you 35 years, so she probably should have known she needed to actually tell you not to wear the dress, not assume you'd pick up on her tone of voice.
NTA. She specifically said it was okay.
Pfft…NTA. It’s a normal dress, you’ve worn it a number of times outside your wedding and it wasn’t white. You’re in the clear. You didn’t draw attention because the dress you wore was perfectly normal.
Your sister needs to behave like an adult and express her feelings if she wants anyone (autistic or not!) to do what she actually wants. How hard would it have been for her to say ‘no’ if she wasn’t comfortable with that dress??
Nta its a blue, formal dress. No one looking at it would think 'wedding dress'.
The dress posted isn’t black-tie. Usually black tie is a floor length formal dress
NTA Has your sister met you? She knows you're autistic right? She should not have used sarcasm and should have had more than a 1 sentence reply. If she took a minute and said she'd rather your wore something else and suggested what this would not have happened and why she blew up at you at the wedding when no one else was going to remember what you wore is a mystery. The dress you linked looks very nice but it's irrelevant because her problem was all in her head.
NTA unless your sister is wearing the exact same dress as you, what’s the problem?? She’s in white while you are in dark colours just like everyone else. There is no way you would get more attention than she would.
NTA your sister is being ridiculous
NTA, but that dress was not black tie at all.
You are NTA but I think your sister is a bit dense. No way does one think of your dress as a wedding dress (it is beautiful). It's a very nice formal dress. I did not wear the traditional wedding dress either as I think it's a waste of money. My wedding dress was a nice, semi formal maroon with maroon lace. I bet you look beautiful every time you wear that dress.
She didn't 'expressly' tell you. She made a sarcastic comment that meant the complete opposite.
Surely she knows you are autistic and would take her comment literally.
NTA. Your sister is overreacting. Your thoughts on your dress are perfectly underdressed l understandable. As well, your sister knows you're autistic and therefore should know better than making a sarcastic quip and expecting you to catch on.
LOL My wedding wasn't a big deal. We were married by a judge at the courthouse. My husband is a bit more romantic than me. He was really stressing out because he didn't have a suit. I had bought a nice ivory sleeveless dress with a jacket. I told him I didn't care if we got married in blue jeans. That's what we did. Your sister is making about as much sense as I would if I declared no one can ever wear blue jeans because that's what I wore to my wedding.
I never did wear that dress and gave it to someone. I have no idea if she ever wore it or if she washed her car with it. You did nothing wrong and the fact that your autism makes it hard for to discern sarcasm doesn't matter. Maybe I'm weird because I can't get fussed about something that isn't a problem. You sister apparently does get worked up over nothing. It's a "her problem", not yours. NTA
NTA it’s not white and it’s not a wedding dress. I wouldn’t even have asked.
NTA
First off, I do love how neurotypicals insist that us neurospicy folks are the ones who are bad at communication... When they spend all their time not saying what they mean and getting pissed at others for not being damn mind readers.
Secondly- there is a difference between "a wedding dress" and "the dress I wore at my wedding". The reason no one noticed is because you did not show up in "a wedding dress". I assume your sister wore a white wedding dress, and of COURSE no one else noticed what you were wearing. There is nothing about a dark blue dress that screams "this is my wedding dress".
I will be getting married this weekend in a short, informal ceremony in a suit. My wife has a dress that is not a white wedding dress. We will both be wearing those outfits at other times. Your sister is kinda weird for this and, frankly, the rude one. I hope she still isn't giving you shit for this, because IMO she was out of line.
I have a hard time understanding the controlling aspect of weddings, personally. As a host, I’d be thrilled if my family and friends turned up to and had a great time at an event that I’d organised—not trying to control every aspect of the party, down to what the guests can and cannot wear... It seems like a sure route to misery, but perhaps I’ve missed something and it’s the norm?
NTA. No one else even cared that you happened to get married in it
YTA. You don't wear your wedding dress to your sisters wedding. I'm sure lots of family noticed but were too polite to say anything.
YTA for stealing this story. I've read this before, word for word.
ESH She should have been clearer, especially since she's your sister and knows that you are autistic.
But first of all that's not a black tie dress. And second, when people want to pay for nice family photos it sucks when someone wheres the same thing for every photo or sticks out. This dress is 6 years old and you wore it to another wedding, you really couldn't find a new dress for your sister? Part of the wedding ritual involves going shopping with the other bridesmaids to buy outfits together.
OP, just buy a new dress. Formalwear isn't really that expensive - there's probably a lot of it on sale right now. You can also go to thrift stores and find formal wear that's only been worn once.
NTA.
It wasn't white, it was just a nice dress that fit the dress code, she literally, knowing you have issues with picking up sarcasm, used sarcasm to tell you it was ok to wear it when it really wasn't, and waited until day of to have a fit?
Other than you, she was likely the only other person who knew you wore it for your wedding, and she is the only one who had issues.
Your sister is the asshole here, her wedding or not. She is the one who drew attention to you and made a big deal about nothing.
It doesn't quite fit the dress code, black tie should be more formal. But that didn't seem to be what bothered the bride.
NTA - He dress is lovely, and your sister is nuts.
What’s done is done. Maybe she’ll learn that you can’t always detect sarcasm and next time not use sarcasm about stuff that’s important to her.
NTA
That’s not a wedding dress, not even close to a wedding dress. Just because you wore it on that day does not suddenly turn it into a wedding dress and literally no one (other than your sister) is saying “oh look she wore a wedding dress to her sister’s wedding”.
I would have told her that next wedding she has you’ll just wear the white dress since she has so much issue with the blue one. Lol
wasn't she invited to your wedding? Didn't you show him the actual dress? Either way, your sister is acting bratty.
Do you have an ASD diagnosis? If yes, then why was your sister not more aware. If you have family with ASD or ADHD you generally are aware and respond appropriately. NTA.
NTA. That's not a wedding dress dyed blue. That's a cocktail dress perfectly suited for the occasion. Your sister needs to grow up. There was no attempt to upstage her.
NTA.
She could've taken it as an honor that you would wear something you wore to your own wedding to hers, something quiet only she would really know.
She turned it into something negative.
Huge NTA. Your "wedding dress" looks nothing like a traditional wedding dress, and you yourself see it as the dress you just happened to get married in. Your sister needs to chill.
There’s no way that wearing a blue dress to a wedding is inappropriate. NTA
NTA. It's a beautiful dress, and does not have a "wedding dress" vibe. You didn't do anything wrong.
NTA. Your sister is being unreasonable. It is a lovely dress and suitable for any special occasion. There is nothing bridal looking about it that would attract attention.
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