AITAH for only letting my sister tag along our Disney vacation if she babysits some nights?

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I could be the asshole for not generously inviting my sister to vacation with us, without her babysitting for us in return.

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

Oh wow, Nope NTA

She doesnt have the ability to fund her own trip and to expect you (not her parents) to fund her trip (when she is the one who has asked to go with you, you didnt invite her) for free is pretty ballsy.

Asking her to 'pay her way' by babysitting a couple of nights is very generous imho. You said it would cost you about $1k to add her, she would need to babysit the 3 kids for minimum 6 hours each night for 5 nights to make that amount. (= $11/child/hour for 6 hours x 5 nights or $200/night x 5 nights).

Yeah, I wouldnt take her for any reason, now, due to her entitlement.

Nta. If she really wants to go with no strings attached she can pay her own way. Problem solved. You’re offering to pay in exchange for maybe 10-15 hours of free time. That’s like she’s making $65-100 an hour. She’s spoiled. That’s why she doesn’t have a job and can’t keep one. Your parents created this mess. They can pay for her to go to Disney.

NTA. If I were unemployed, I'd take that deal in a heartbeat! Imagine being an unemployed 24-year-old and thinking another adult should treat you to a Disney trip.

NTA. If you have to pay her way, then she can help out or not come. She doesn't deserve a vacation "because family".

NTA

And please take the offer off the table.

Dude, NTA. Your sister is living on a different planet if she used words like “taking advantage of” when speaking to people she expects to give her a free trip for no reason at all Wowwwww lol

NTA- You generously offered to give her an all-expenses paid trip to Disney. She is upset because you aren't willing to do that for nothing.

Maybe she should spend less time mooching off of everyone in her life and more time applying for full-time employment. I lives with my parents into my late 20s, but I also had 2 part-time jobs and spent all of my free time applying for a job with benefits.

Tell her no thanks, that you'll just hire a nanny for those nights

Totally NTA! Your sister sounds like she belongs in r/ChoosingBeggars.

NTA...I would tell her since she's unhappy with the "nanny" treatment, then you will revert to the "Sister" treatment instead, which means you're not required to pay a single dime for her to do anything cause she's not your kid and not your responsibility. "Nanny" treatment = get to go to Disney all expenses paid with brother and his family; "Sister" treatment = on your own for Disney and any related expenses. Seems an easy choice to me.

She’s not a child, tell her if she wants to go with no responsibilities then she can pay, if she wants to go for free they come with responsibilities, such as child care. You’re not spending an extra 1k on someone because they want you to. The entitlement on this girl

NTA. She'd never get paid $1000 net just for a few nights babysitting; I'd rescind the offer.

When you get to Disneyland, I'd be surprised if you were not able to organize through the resort some level of ad-hoc child care... and it won't cost $1000.

Nta, and pull the whole offer.  Don't let her say yes now, since she will be unbearable when you do need her to watch the kids.

Nope, Yada, no thanks anymore.  Pay your own way to Disney sis.

NTA - reasonable request when someone asks for you to pay for a vacation for them. That’s pretty entitled for her to shame you for it.

NTA

But maybe give her the option (with the costs) of paying her own way:

"Okay, sis, you're right, you shouldn't have to nanny if you don't want to do it. The cost of the flight and tickets to Disney is going to be $1000. We need to make final arrangements by XX/YY date, so if you can put together the money before then, we'll take you along with us and you can share our hotel room. And you'll need spending money for food and stuff, so make sure to have enough money for those things too."

If she tries to argue, remind her that you're not her parents, and she can't expect for her brother with a family of his own to pay for a luxury trip for his 24 year old sister who is completely capable of getting a job, ANY job to pay for this trip.

Seriously, if she gets a crappy $10/hr job and works part time for 2 months, she can easily pay $1000 for her trip.

Although, I'm guessing if she starts earning money, then your parents are going to want her to chip in for the things she's eating/using at their house, so it's just easier for her not to work and guilt people into paying for her.

NTA-I did this for free for my sister when we went to Disney with her son. My parents paid for me to go and she asked if I could watch my nephew and legit best part of my trip. We grew up going to Disney so maybe that effected it but he was like 18 months and was excited about riding the elevator or going in the pool or anything we did bc it was his first time being there. She‘s asking a lot just wanting a free trip to Disney.

NTA, but the title is a bit misleading.

Youre just saying you don't agree to pay for her trip if she doesn't babysit a bit.

Though also, isn't $1k super cheap to go to Disney?

NTA. A couple nights of babysitting isn't much in exchange for a free trip.

Your sister is quite entitled; does she expect you also to buy her food and souvenirs after paying for flight and hotel?

NTA - of course she could contribute if you are going to pay her way. She’s entitled as hell. 

said were trying to take advantage of her and treat her as a nanny

She's obviously entitled, and has no concept that she should try to repay a favor or such magnitude. Even if she agreed now, I wouldn't trust her to carry through and be helpful.

Go and have your vacation with your SIL and her family, and have fun without a likely uncooperative 5th wheel along on the trip.

NTA

NTA

Write which night she would babysit and which she is free. Then it is up to her to accept or decine the invitation.

NTA. From the age of 15 to 21 I would go and stay with my sister and BIL and her 2 kids in the city during summer school holidays, for about 4 weeks. They both worked and I would look after the 2 during the day. My sister and BIL would take us all out for dinner, day trips to theme parks. Zoo, cinema, theatre all these major attractions and amazing places that they had in the city. Before I would come back home they’d take me on a shopping trip and get me clothes, shoes and school supplies. I loved going every summer because I got to spend time with my sister and the family and they appreciated me helping them out with childcare and I got to go to these amazing places that I could not afford to go myself. At the end of summer we’d go to this island for a mini break and they would pay for me to go as well. I’d have a room for myself and there’d be a pool. all I could eat and drink as much soft drinks as I wanted .To this day I am grateful that I spent that time with them and they are too. My sis and BIL knew how much I did during the day but they needed childcare and I was family and happy to help out. Kids are all grown up but they know I did some heavy lifting as a young person but that meant we have a strong relationship to this day.
Your sister gets a free vacation she should be offering- to mind the kids. she’s not even a kid and should be either subbing her own way or prepared to graft for it.

As someone literally in your sister’s situation (23-year-old with a much older half sister who has four kids), NTA at all. I haven’t gone on a Disney trip with them, but if I do, I 100% expect them to pay my way and I also expect to be watching the kiddos 100% of the time (if they wouldn’t pay, I wouldn’t go, I’m not spending that kind of money on Disney to watch their kids). Like I’d expect to be supervising them in the park the whole time for sure. They don’t typically ask me to watch the kids solo (four under 9 is a LOT for one person) but I’d certainly be happy to chill with them for a few hours so they can go out to dinner. So yeah, I’d be expecting to be the babysitter. The fact that a 24-year-old is mad that you’d expect a small amount of childcare out of her after handing her a free, expensive trip… wow. Definitely uninvite her, spend your money on better things. 

NTA - Sounds like a perfect part time job, you are offering a trip to Disneyland for some babysitting. You are expanding the economy and should be applauded for doing that. Yes, she would be the nanny in essence as it would be her job (duh). Tell her she can take the job or just stay home, her choice. You have no obligation to fund her life choices as she isn't a part of your immediate family. Actually I don't think you are asking to much of her, on the contrary maybe you should have her pack the family's lunches for the day at the park too. I think that would be fair.

NTA

She invited herself on your trip which she can’t pay for and then thinks it’s mean to ask for some help during the trip in return for not paying the expenses

She doesn’t need to come and can sit at home thinking about all the fun she missed.

NTA. You're going to foot the bill for the whole trip, the least she can do is babysit a couple of nights. You are offering her this trip with strings attached & you're up front about it. This is not taking advantage of her She is trying to take advantage of you, wanting you to pay for a trip, but she gives nothing in return. If she wants the trip, it's not free. She will have to work for it. She's being very petty & selfish.

NTA and don’t plan for her to go now. She will shirk her responsibilities and then pretend like she forgot.

It’s a no for this trip for her.

NTA-you are not “treating her like a nanny” anymore than she is treating you like a bank. She is old enough to pay her own way it’s not your fault she doesn’t have the funds.

NTA. It's funny how you're supposed to give a free trip because "family", but she's not willing to give baby sitting because "family". Yeah, some families do work it out without score cards or accounting because they willingly jump in and help when needed, because over generations it works. However, it's got to be a mutual family culture, going in all directions and involving resources as well a labor. Your sister wants the benefit, but not to contribute what she can.

NTA

If she’s expecting you to pay, then she’s treating you like an ATM, not like family.

If she wants to say “family does things for each other because family”, that door swings both ways.

NTA - lazy @$$ don't get to go if she doesn't babysit. Be firm. And don't let her go. She hasn't got a dime to her name and expecting a free ride.

You’re probably asking for about 10 hours total of babysitting, which means you’re essentially offering to pay her $100 an hour to babysit two kids. And she says that’s taking advantage of her.

I would be THRILLED to babysit your kids for $100 an hour!!

Tell her you’ve already made arrangements with the “Fairy Godmother” sitters at Disney for the evenings you’d like to go out, so you won’t be needing her services now as you’ll be using the $1000+ savings by not taking her to pay for the Nanny. And then thank her for the idea about getting a nanny. Your accommodations will be a lot more spacious without her as well. She’s a spoiled brat.

Total NTA. I did this exact thing for my sister and BiL when their kids were young and I wasn't married yet. My BiL went to conventions in Orlando, and my sister and I tagged along and went to Disney. I helped her wrangle the kids, and babysat a few evenings, the rest of the time I did what I wanted. They paid for everything except for when I went out in the evening. (Although I will admit charging some drinks back to the suites!)

Your sister is being ridiculous. Especially how expensive Disney is these days!

Your sister is insane.  She wants a free trip to Disney bc you’re taking your kids…? That isn’t a normal thing. It would still be weird even if she was paying her own way, but that isn’t happening.  Her babysitting is basically the only reason I would choose to randomly attach my adult sibling to a family trip that wouldn’t otherwise include her. This is the exact arrangement we just had with my MIL on a family trip.  We paid her whole way and she got plenty of time to herself, but was there to support us in parenting our children and free us up to go out without the children after they were in bed.  Otherwise she wouldn’t have been invited.  Again, your sister is insane. 

were trying to take advantage of her and treat her as a nanny not family. 

No, you are treating her as an adult who covers their own expenses rather than providing for  her needs like a child.

Transportation and entry tickets are the beginning. Does she expect you to cover meals and all extras like souvenirs?

NTA - there should no debate here. She asked to join but can’t pay for anything. You don’t need her on the trip. The condition for her to go is to help with the kids “some nights”- period. If she doesn’t want to help, she is welcome to stay home.

It’s not like you said she will be I charge of the kids for the whole trip and you parents will pop in to say hi every now and again! If she would only help ‘some nights’ I would imagine that means you as parents would have the kids the remaining nights, plus all of the days, where she would be free to have her own ‘adult time’.

NAH

I think the arrangement sounds reasonable, but if it doesn't work for your sister, she doesn't have to accept. Neither one of you is an asshole because of it.

NTA but don’t ever expect her to babysit or do anything responsible. She’s a moocher who is accustomed to being taken care of by your parents. Even if she agreed beforehand, she’d ruin the vibe for you paying participants and find a way to weasel out of babysitting once she was there. There is no way she’s watch you four parents go to a dinner like adults and leave her behind because ‘she isn’t a child’.

Save yourselves headaches. Permanently mute anything your sister asks for, demands, hints at, etc. Just agree to say ‘no’ to all requests going forward, and the decision is made before she ever asks. It should be ‘no’, even if your father agrees to pay just to get rid of her for a while. Nope. He’d have to give you an equal amount for it to be fair. Or pay you more for what she would do to the atmosphere of the trip.

Besides, it is very unfair - - for you to take her away from her job search.

Have a great trip. Make memories.

Don’t take her. Even if she says she will watch the kids, she probably won’t once you are there.

Call the hotel and ask if they have on site babysitting. They might.

Sis is a sheneeda. She needa ticket. She needa room. She needa eat.

Once she gets there she is going to want souvenirs. She’ll need you to buy that too.

Buy her a t shirt and give it to her for Christmas.

Enjoy your trip.

I think that’s super generous and fair. Can I come along instead lol

NTA and id take the offer off the table now if I was you you. Even if she does begrudgingly agree to your very reasonable conditions I'd be worried that she actually wasn't going to follow through with them once there.

NTA, but I don't think there is salvaging her coming with you at this point so I would withdraw the offer.

Nta. I had someone come on a trip with me and my kids to help out as one of my kids is special needs. Plus it’s nice to have an adult if you have a long drive. I paid for the hotel and her tickets, she got plenty of time to herself in the park and only had to cover her own food when she didn’t dine with us and any souvenirs she wanted. We all had a lot of fun.

NTA. Rescind any offer, she’s going to do nothing but what she wants if you bring her and then everyone is going to have a shite time.

Better to have her sulking and sitting at home on your parents dime!!

NTA. She think you’ll pay her way just for the heck of it? Babysitting was a really good idea, works for both sides. You were generous and she’s a selfish twit.

NTA. We went on a cruise and took my boys babysitter with us, and the deal was we'd pay if she'd watch the boys a few of the nights. It worked great for all of us, and both my brother and sister have said if I ever want to make that kind of deal with them, they'd be in. I think it's a pretty common deal for people with kids that works out for everyone, and your sister is being entitled.

NTA, she should thank you for this sweet deal! What else is she going to do at night? Go and party by herself? A few nights of babysitting are well worth a big trip like Disney.

NTA. It was really fair. She would get a free trip to Disney in exchange for few hours of babysitting, I honestly don't see the bad part.

P.S. If your offer is valid for strangers too I will gladly accept it.

NTA. Don’t take her. If she agrees, she will just pout about watching the kids and ruin the time. She’s a grown adult. If she wants to go to Disney she can get a job and save like everyone else does.

Her not wanting to babysit shows you she’s lazy and is choosing not to work.

You’d be an AH if you pay for her and get nothing in return.

The only way you would be TA here is if she paid her own way and you expected free childcare from her.

100% absolutely NTA.

NTA my parents would do this for my mom’s much younger sisters when my brother and I were kids. They were college students / broke young adults who got a free vacation to a desirable destination and my parents got a couple nights off. Plus it gave me the chance to actually bond with and get to know my aunts who lived in a different state. Could be a win win for everyone if your sister wasn’t so selfish.

I did this exact thing as a high schooler (accompanied a family to Disney, they paid and I babysat 3 nights of the 6 we were there. All expenses paid by the family. I was super grateful! I tried to help with the kids at the park as much as possible too. I wouldn’t take her at all now, how entitled of her. NTA

NTA. Sister can stay home and work on her resume.

My brother took his family to Italy, and I didn't get to go because YOUR BROTHER IS NOT YOUR BANK.

I got 20 bucks an hour babysitting when I was 12. 25 years ago

NTA A few nights of babysitting for a free trip to Disney is an excellent trade. For that kind of money I’m guessing you could get a theme park nanny to watch the kids even more.

FFS, I'm old, just visited my sister for a couple weeks, who has a shedload more money than me (same country), and left her some payment when she didn't want any payment for keeping me. If I were being taken to a different country for free, of course I'd be happy to pay for it with some babysitting! Bloody people expecting to be kept!

She invited herself onto your trip. She is not funding it what so ever. The least she can do is watch the kids a night or two so the parents who work and are paying for the trip can have a break. You are NTA!

NTA You communicated what her role would be if you bankrolled her (generous offer tbh) and she said no. Family doesn't necessarily pay for each other to come on expensive vacations.

Maybe thats why she lost her job because she seems like an entitled brat.

NTA I paid for myself to go with my brother’s family to Disney and offered to babysit so they could get some free time. I also happily let them go off to adult rides together so I could hang out with my niece on the kid rides

NTA some people would do anything for a Disney trip. And a free one at that? It’s not like Disney is cheap. People save for years to go for a week. I’d be so happy to go and babysit.. it’s Disney, you take them to the pool at night and then lounge in the room when they fall asleep. It’s not like you’re asking her to take the kids the whole time.

NTA. Even family have to pay their own way one way or another. If everyone else is chipping in to cover their own expenses, she can either do the same or act as babysitter. That sounds like a rather sweet babysitting deal if you ask me

If one person were springing to cover everyone's expenses as a family and she was excluded, that would be different. Tbh, it sounds like she just wants to mooch.

NTA. She would be given a free trip to be an extra set of eyes during the day and babysit for a few hours at night and she is complaining. Don't take her with you. In my family, all of the kids are all of the adults responsibilities if we are together. I guess that is just how we were raised. When I am with my family I will usually ask one of the kids that are over stimulated to sit and talk with me or talk a walk away from the over stimulation. It gives the parents a break and allows the kids to get some 1:1 time.

NTA and rescing the offer, I bet she's miserable to travel with. Don't spoil things for your kids.

NTA. How is she broke and also have so much audacity like dang just pick one struggle?

Disney is very expensive. Paying for hotel, tickets, and food would be easily over $1k.

Speaking from experience.

Don't be tricked to bring your sister along. Going there with a large group of people is not worth it. You will be exhausted.

NTA I would have pulled the offer right then and there and told her she’s the one trying to take advantage of me. She’s the one who wants you to spend you hard-earned money and she can’t be bothered to help out out of gratitude? Fuck off

Stop talking about it. If she brings it up just say you made other arrangements

NTA tell her fine don’t come then and use a reputable nanny service there instead.

Once upon a nanny has great reviews (never used them myself but I am in a ton of Disney trip Facebook groups) and they can also come to the parks with you to help out there if you want.

We are going on a family vacation this summer. My husbands brother is coming as well, between the four of us, we have a 2.5 year old, a 1 year old and a young infant. My sister in law is bringing her niece & nibling (age 16 & 18) to be childcare for the week. We are splitting the cost and they get to spend their free time at the resort and enjoying made to order meals and room service. There is a pool and lots of activities, even a spa. They don’t get to go for ‘  free’ because they will babysitting a lot for the week we are there. However , they are more than excited to spend time with their baby cousins, as well enjoy a fun trip with family….. your sister could use a reality check

NTA. If someone offered me a free trip and all I had to do was watch kids I already knew and cared about a few nights, id be all over it.

To be honest, there are a lot of variables to this. The first being, would she be watching all three kids, or just the two? How many hours? Do your kids sleep through the night? Where will they be sleeping compared to her? Is she in her own room? What is her schedule like/will she get time to herself?

I love my kids. But if they were someone else’s, and they wanted me to watch them anytime between 6:30 and midnight for a couple of nights, it would be a no for me. Even for a free Disney trip. Neither sleep through the night. One still wakes up every hour or two (she is just 1, but still) and the other cannot sleep alone. As a parent, it is worth it. But as a single adult on one of the first trips to Disney, it would suck.

I agree with others saying it is going to cost a lot more than $1K. She is going to need her own spending money as well.

NTA

But .. I feel like I've treated you like a brother man, I think you should take me to Disney as well, I know we've never talked before, but I've thought of you as family for the last 45 seconds and it would only be right if you brought your family(me) with to Disney.

That is the sort of deal my family would make with each other, if it were feasible, based on all the needs and finances. And all parties would carefully discuss exactly what was expected from everyone, so no one would get mad, later.

NTA Your sister is being entitled.

She can stay her self at home. Even if your sister changes her mind, it’s probably best she doesn’t come at this point.

Because at 20 hours of babysitting, she’s getting the equivalent of $50/hr. How youth is wasted on the young! 🤦🏾‍♀️

Basically, you would be using the money you would have paid for a sitter and spending it on her portion of the vacation. 

That seems incredibly Fair. 

Especially as long as you made it clear that she can go her own way during the day and she won't be expected to wait in the lines with the kids and that type of thing. 

If you're looking for her to be with the kids all day, be willing to go on the kitty rides and stay with the family, she basically would be a nanny 

If she doesn't want to go, there's your money to hire The Nanny

No, NTA. Don't take her at all. Even if she agrees to your terms, she will put a damper on your trip by referring to herself as 'the Nanny'. Also, your trip is about YOUR kids, and they may not be eligible to ride all the attractions that interest her. Maybe next time, but this time should be a hard no.

NTA - Considering you are paying for a decent part of her way, that’s a more than reasonable request.

NTA

She’s an adult and not your responsibility. You came up with a very fair compromise and she rejected it, you were not asking too much. Sounds a little like she is on the spoiled side, guessing she is the baby of the family and used to getting her way.

NTA - your sister is welcome to join you, she can pay her own ticket. Otherwise she's taking advantage of your generosity.

Nta. Dont do this. She can't afford it so she shouldn't go.

NTA

If she wants to come, she can pay. I think what you are doing is very generous.

I'd take that deal in a heart beat

NTA. This is a pretty generous offer on your part. Your sister needs to grow up.

NTA, so long as you planned for her to have free time as well and not be babysitting every single night. It's definitely not unreasonable to expect her to watch the kids sometimes in exchange for her ticket. Is it possible you said something like 'in exchange for watching the kids' and she could have misinterpreted that as 'you will be watching them 24/7'?

NTA

You made a completely reasonable suggestion. She's not your child, a full grown adult, and not your responsibility. If she wants a free ride to Disney, she can earn it.

NTA

If you’re paying then you can for sure ask for babysitting in exchange.

NTA

Babysitting a few nights is still much cheaper than having to pay yourself, sis is the entitled asshole.

NTA, this is super fair.

Did you tell her "It is going to cost us 1K for your to come along. You can pay that or you can baby sit."

She sounds entitled as heck.