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AITA for calling my principle a 'misogynistic prick' after he said periods 'aren't really that bad' ?
You need a doctor. Periods are not meant to be that bad. And don’t let the doctor dismiss you with “here’s some birth control. The hormones will help”. NTA
Edit to add: my experience is that doctors are dismissive of period pains and will just automatically write out birth control without actually doing the work and setting a diagnosis. If you get a diagnosis and the recommended treatment is hormones, then of course take them. Just don’t let your doctor dismiss you with a quick script.
Yeah, we're trying to get a doctors appointment to get me something to hopefully make them hurt alot less/stop them all together, since the strong pain killers we have barely work anymore :,]
You need to be referred to a gynecologist to assess for issues like endometriosis. Stopping the pain is only a temporary solution. It takes years in the public system in Ireland to be assessed, so you need to start the process now.
Also make sure to ask about a condition called adenomyosis. It's a condition where the uterine lining grows into the muscular wall of the uterus. It's something that doesn't bother you when you're not on your period but can cause very painful periods and it gets worse over time as more of the lining grows into the walls.
I don't know about Ireland, but in my country, gynecologists just tell teenage girls, "It's okay. you get married and everything will pass." Honestly, I'm not lying. This is a widespread practice.
When I went to the gyn at the age of 13 because I was in extreme pain for a week everytime before my actual period started, she just told me after birthing my first child it would get better. Took me 12 years and three more doctors to finally get a diagnosis/surgery for endo. Also not Ireland but it seems to be a common answer.
Because married = perpetually pregnant?
It is implied, that regular sex helps with painful periods. This is partly true (in my case).
THIS!!!!! It could also be PCOS and trust me do not let them sweep it under the rug. I did and ended up with a five liter ovarian cyst that had to be removed and they had to take out a fallopian tube and ovary too.
Next time it's this bad, go to A&E. That can bump you up the last to see an actual gyni. Don't downplay your pain. Don't be sociable and give that half smile and say 'not too bad' when someone there says 'how are you?' In Ireland the squeaky wheel gets the grease. The refrain is "The painkillers aren't helping. Period pain shouldn't leave me writhing and vomiting. Something isn't right." Women's pain is dismissed as a matter of routine. It takes persistence and more persistence to be taken seriously.
Oh and even if you see a doctor or nurse who is a misogynistic prick (and sadly you very likely will) you'll need to put a lid on that language or they won't treat you at all.
Agreed. This was me all through secondary school. I'd be off at least one day a month, throwing up from pain etc and my mam was constantly told I was faking to get off school. I got next to no medical help for almost 15 years, until I found one absolute angel who was a consultant in The Rotunda with her own practice, and was diagnosed within 6 weeks with a pain management plan and follow up on treatment courses etc. it's ridiculous
NTA obviously.
Mine have always been horrendous. I have a prescription anti inflammatory. It's been a game changer. There are couple of days where I need to add in prescription painkillers and hot water bottles but the anti inflammatory means I'm not stuck in bed attached to hot water bottles and on pain killers for the rest of my period. Hope you've got a decent Dr and get the help you need soon.
As the other poster said don't get fobbed off with contraceptives. I was at your age. It's only in the last 4 years that I've had the anti inflammatory.
No idea what it's called where you are but mine is called Naproxen. (UK)
Edit to add, I have to take stomach liners with them too.
Naproxen in AUS also, and I wish I had known about it 20 years ago! It's also on the chemist shelves with other pain relief.
Depending where the op is if they are in the uk it has to be prescribed
It's always interesting (to me) to see what drugs need prescriptions or are OTC in other places. Hopefully, OP is able to get what they need ASAP.
Only the stronger ones, you can buy the lower strength ones at a pharmacy (and just take two instead of one). You can also buy the PPIs to take to protect your stomach at the chemist as well.
I very rarely have to take naproxen now thankfully but I have the ppi meds prescribed even thou when I take them it's never on an empty stomach and if I do it's very rare
Naproxen in US too or brand name most associate with it is Aleve
It's Aleve in America, Naprosyn in England and Midol in Canada. Generic is Naproxen. But there is higher doses that can be prescribed and wouldn't be over the counter.
In the states the brand name is Aleve. And you are absolutely right it is a game changer for any type of muscular cramping.
You need more than medicine. You need an ultrasound.
Good. Some have reacted to how I don’t want you to take bc right away. I just want to clarify that yes, hormones help in some cases. I just don’t want your doctor to dismiss you and not actually do the tests and exams needed to give you a diagnosis, if you have one. My experience is that doctors dismiss period pains all too often and just write out birth control as a default. So just make sure your doctor does the work needed and then gives you the best treatment for you. If that’s hormones then of course you should take them. If it does come back as endometrioses then see if you can find any support groups in your area. Endo is unfortunately still one of those female health issues that are being neglected.
You need a gynocologist to help figure out whats causing it, pain killers will only be a bandaid for whatevers actually causing the pain.
No, you don't need pain killers, you need a specialist to find the cause of your pain.
What’s wrong with taking birth control if it helps with the symptoms? Birth control has helped many women with endometriosis and PMDD. It’s not gonna work for everyone but in many cases it’s a good solution.
Yes hormones can help, but you actually have to do the exams and get the diagnosis to get the best treatment. My experience is that doctors don’t put in the legwork to actually diagnose and just write a script for bc as a default.
Birth control comes with its own long list of side effects and dangers. If OP can get a diagnosis and appropriate treatment then that would be better.
I don't know what your goal is? Yes she needs to see a doctor. You're probably thinking she might have endometriosis or similar. The most effective treatment we have for that IS hormones. I don't know why you would discourage her accepting a trial of the most effective medicine we have.
Because some doctors will just prescribe hormones as a fix it all without actually doing the necessary exams to set a diagnosis. I have endo and that’s what the first doctor did. She put me on hormones without ever doing as much as an exam. “It’s normal that it hurts. Here, have some hormones”. It took 20 years before I got a diagnosis.
To be fair, getting an endo diagnosis usually involves exploratory surgery, which isn't indicated in a 14 y/o with bad periods (they often do get better over time). Should they do an abdominal ultrasound and do a thorough anamnesis? Absolutely, but you're not getting an endometriosis diagnosis from that.
I'm sorry for your struggle with healthcare. I can see that it was a very frustrating journey. In practice, there's no reason OP can't trial hormones AND naproxen (an anti inflammatory painkiller similar to ibuprofen another commenter mentioned) AND have any relevant investigations requested all at the same time.
Just be careful of how you phrase healthcare advice to young people online. You may be projecting your experiences on them. Encourage them to be their own advocate, and talk about your experiences, but don't tell them to stay away from certain treatments that they could have found very helpful, just because it wasn't helpful for you, and don't encourage them to distrust their doctor before they've even met them.
I agree that OP needs to consult a medical professional, but actually you'd be surprised how many women suffer from heavy, painful and debilitating periods.
It's more normal than you think.
5-10% of women is believed to have endometriosis, with a large number never knowing that they have it.
My periods were terribly painful from the age of 14 until I was about 25. Just like the OP, I rolled on the floor curled up and moaned.
No, there was nothing wrong with me. I was absolutely healthy. Towards the end of university I started taking hormonal concentrates because, you know, I have an active sex life. And after several years of taking them, the pain became more moderate; it became enough to take 1 tablet of ibuprofen for the entire cycle on the first day.
Same with me. On the floor in agony, nearly passing out.
Being on birth control helped a lot. A gyne told me the pain would significantly lessen after giving birth.
That didn't happen for another 10 years but she was right.
Hormonal birth control is currently the only treatment that comes near being curative for endometriosis. I really don't know what else you would suggest. Personally, I have benefitted tremendously with no negative side effects. I would hate for other young women being scared off getting treatment.
They don’t cure endo. They lessen the symptoms. You still have endo. The only cure is menopause or a full hysterectomy.
God I wish someone had mentioned this to me when I was a teenager. I suffered for years because of attitudes like 'its just a period' and 'periods aren't that bad, just take some ibuprofen and get on with it'. I was throwing up because my period pain was so bad.
Same experience with doctors here! Took 6 years for me to be diagnosed with PCOS because of all the dismissals.
Get to a gynecologist if you can OP!
NTA regardless of the reason, who is he to tell someone else how much pain they can manage? But yes, he's a misogynistic prick for mansplaining period cramps.
NTA- this was a sexist microaggression and needs to be called out!
EXACTLYYYY!
I'd say that was a macroaggression.
NTA. Have your mother report him to the school board. You chewing him out isn't enough.
And there's videos of menstrual cramp simulators in use online - Google "men try period cramps" for some entertainment.
Hell yes!! I saw one (couldn't find it again) where she tried it said naw this doesn't hurt at bad as my periods can, I'd still go to work on like level 10, he didn't make level 5 and was crying and trying to get them off and screaming. Yes I know different people, different pain but it was hilarious to especially when it's uncaring/unsupportive SO's!
Yeah, my hubby saw one of those videos a few years ago (after kid number 2) and ever since when I send him a text saying "the witch is back" (but with a b instead of a w) he comes home from work with my favourite soft drink, all 3 of my favourite snacks and an extra packet of panadol (cause it's the safest thing for him to grab over the counter due to a medication allergy), hands the bag to me with a kiss and asks if I need my heat pack heated up.
Atleast having a younger sister he knew they would "hurt" and make her "easily pissed off" so he was some what aware enough not to say anything stupid but, yeah, watching those videos and remembering my previous two childbirths, he started his little "offerings to the PMS gods" 🤣. I don't care what he calls it because it means I actually get "something" in my stomach cause my periods make me nauseous, and keeping something down is better than nothing.
There was one where the men were saying how women are whiny and crybabies etc and they were screaming in pain while the women were laughing and unfazed when they tried it. Those men deserve it and you got a good one!
you got a good one!
He has his moments.
I liked the one where they had to do a dance routine.
All people do but overall sounds good lol
Nope, its sad that people think that periods aren't painful. Your principal can go fuck himself with a taser.
Or a chainsaw.
A cactus
NTA. Your principal is for sure old enough to know that period cramps are different for everyone and how painful they can be for some. You could have avoided calling him a misogynistic prick considering he is your principal, even though he more or less deserved it.
Not only are they different for everyone, but they can be different month to month for a person. There were some months I had mild tummy pain, some months severe tummy pain, and there were some months I felt like my spine was about to snap in two.
Good job standing up for yourself. And if your periods are that bad often, please consider getting yourself checked for PCOS and endometriosis. I hope everything works out for you!
NTA
As an older woman, I am VERY, VERY proud of you for standing up for yourself, and for forcefully educating a man in a position of authority who should know better.
NTA and I'm sorry you suffer so much
I have endometriosis and the pain always causes me to pass out, vomit and curl up into a ball over the severe pains it causes.
It literally disables me for 1-2 days, which isn't normal. Minor cramping is normal. Excruciating pain is not.
I hope things work out for you 🙏
NTA but your parents need to take this up with him officially. It’s not ok for him to say or believe things like that
NTA. If he didn’t want to be called a misogynistic prick he shouldn’t have been one. Periods don’t suck for everyone but for those of us that’s aren’t that fortunate, they’re debilitating. Honestly I would’ve told him “no uterus, no opinion”.
NTA but be warned, misogynistic pricks really don't like being called a "misogynistic prick". And this misogynistic prick is the principle. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't stop him being a misogynistic prick but he will probably try and abuse his position to punish you for disrespect because he is, wait for it, a misogynistic prick.
He's the principal.
Not to be pedantic, but it's the principle of the thing.
He’s the asshole. What a prick. Blessings to you.
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This is my first post, and I'm not too sure how to word this right, so bear with me please :,>
For context text before I start, mine and a close friend (let's call them uuuhh- kori-) have incredibly bad cramps when we have these kinds of things- now, to the story-
This all started today, I'm (14f) currently on a part time schedule for reasons that could honestly be a separate post- (or novel-) and I just added science (I was doing maths and english) which I missed this morning since who wants to get up early when you're in pain-? And plus, I could barely move-
But, I eventually got ready and went to my afternoon maths class, doing stuff your average anxiety riddled 14yo would do- and then after class, I was walking with my friends and I was waiting to get signed out by my step-dad (awesome dude-) and guess who, the principle was there- I don't remember the exchange exactly, but I remember some of what was said- it went something like:
"Hey, Reily (not my actual name-) why weren't you here for your morning class?"
Me, confused asf: "I thought mum told you that I was in too much pain-?"
The principle, who I was already getting frustrated at: "yes, but that's no excuse, you didn't let us know yesterday-"
"But.. I wasn't in pain yesterday? I got my period this morning-"
Then, he said the infuriating sentence:
"Periods aren't as bad as actually getting physically hurt-"
Let me tell you, my dear reader, when my mothers rage and snarky comebacks she taught me came to mind, they poured outta me like a river and here is also where I may have been the arsehole- I can't remember most of what I said, but I remember this last bit perfectly:
"You claim periods aren't bad, but I was writhing in pain, on my carpet floor, at four in the morning, for hours, you misogynistic prick." I said, as I looked at the guy with a mix of a deadpan face, and a death glare-
And, I didn't even notice my step dad was standing behind me through most of that- he was proud, bit I got a light scolding, and then we went to the arcade-
If my friends see this, no, you didnt-
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Nta! But know that outburst might not be to your advantage in the long run! Also, my 14 yo had menstrual migraines, she got nausea, vomited, plus the headache and the cramps. It was due to the extreme fluctuations in hormones when she got into puberty. However, it subsided after some months and she now only needs a paracetamol on day 1 or 2. Her hormones have become more balanced. Hope the same for you! If you know when your period will start, try taking ibuprofen a few days before. ibuprofen is anti inflammatory, a period has similarities to inflammation.
From one woman to another, ovbiously NTA. Cis men don't know what periods are and the pain some of us can experience because of it.
I was writhing in pain, on my carpet floor, at four in the morning, for hours
That being said, if it's always like that, go see a gynecologist. It could be endometriosis or something else, it's not supposed to be this painful. Don't let a doctor dismiss you with useless painkillers or "girl are so sensitive lol" and go see a gynecologist asap.
NTA!! SO many men have no damn clue, no empathy, and it infuriates me beyond belief. Especially when so often they're parents, educators, or medical caregivers to us.
I have an extremely high pain tolerance. Over the last year or two, for at least the first two days of each shark week, I've had a combination of abdominal and back pain so severe I would cry myself to sleep, bleeding so severe I wondered if I should seek urgent care (+ numourous massive blood clots), vomiting, audibly wincing in agony with every. single. cramp... even migraines.
And often, that's the part I look forward to! I suffer PMDD and should I be experiencing a a lot of external stress at the time, it's absolutely crippling.
Several times while symptomatic I've considered seeking emergency psychiatric care, feeling so distressed that I lose the ability to even identify the awful things I'm experiencing as being symptoms. Instead I seem to convince myself I'm having a complete mental breakdown; it feels like my whole world is crashing around me, no one can help me, and like I've lost all control of my mind - it's just frightening.
I'd pay insane money to watch all the men who have dismissed my pain over the years experience just one hour like that and then tell me 'it's not that bad', I'm 'exaggerating' or just 'lazy and want a day off'
OP do not ever allow anyone to make you feel like an AH for standing up for yourself like this, I'm so proud of you and I don't even know you - god I wish I'd had the guts to do this as a teenager! Love your work, sis.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
I went off at a teacher because they called periods not that bad, despite the cramps putting me in so much pain I could barely move.
It could possibly make me the asshile due to my agressive response.
It would make sense to call me the asshole for disrespecting an elder
(Apolagies if my response isn't good enough, this is my first post on this forum)
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
It's understandable to react strongly when your pain is dismissed. While a calm response might generally be more effective, your reaction was human and justified under the circumstances. Moving forward, finding a way to calmly educate others could help in fostering more understanding around this issue. Everyone's pain deserves recognition
why should a teenager have to educate some fossil. don't put this kind of burden on people.
If you have not been diagnosed with endometriosis you need to see a doctor becayse it sounds like that is what you have if it's that painful. Don't let the doctor dismiss you either, they will try as a lot of them are misogynistic and don't believe we females can hurt that badly! NTA
You claim periods aren't bad, but I was writhing in pain, on my carpet floor, at four in the morning, for hours, you misogynistic prick."
Slight ESH: this is the problem with being fourteen. While a principal shouldn't be this stupid about periods, you also basically went from zero to a 100. Your answer was fine without the "misogynistic prick". You could have instead asked him if he had ever experienced a period, so how could he be that confident?
It's not smart to explode like that when you still have to be in that school in the long run. What feels good in the short term can come back to bite you later on.
Yeahhh, see the thing is...periods shouldn't be that bad. So for someone who's never even experienced a normal period, it stands to reason that they'd be skeptical. And please don't take this badly, but he's probably been a teacher for a long time and you wouldn't be the first person to fake period pain to get out of class 🤷♀️
This is a situation where staying calm and educating would get you further than screaming rage. No one learns anything from screaming rage and therefore your 'misogynistic' teacher, remains that way.
I mean, kinda harsh, but NTA. Like wtf does this mean "Periods aren't as bad as actually getting physically hurt-"?!? I guess periods aren't as bad as being shot in the stomach, because obviously no one's ever died from a period (that I know of), but how can he, a man, know about how painful it can get? Does he have first hand experience? smh
NTA please seek medical advice it may take a while but its worth it
As someone who has suffered from crippling period pains for over 30 years. I know how you feel. Well done for speaking to your mum about this. I felt that I couldn’t speak about my periods when I was younger.
You really should seek medical advice as you can get treatment for the pain and cramps. Please don’t suffer in pain any longer than you have to.
Totally NTA for what you said to your principal. Get your parents to write to him and recommend that he undergoes further “sensitivity training” to understand 50% of the population of his school’s needs!
No one deserves respect simply because they are older than you. This is a ridiculous concept.
This guy is a jerk, I'm a man, but I understand periods can be super painful for some girl/women. Who the hell is this guy to question how much pain you are in. This is crazy.
Absolutely NTA and I'll write him an email on behalf of women everywhere if necessary
Periods are horrific for some people. He needs to get educated and not open his mouth on topics he has no idea about. Nta
Periods can be painful, but if they're extremely painful you should get it checked out. Please go to a doctor and get a referral to a specialist. It might be something serious like endometriosis.
Your principe should have told you the same thing instead of being so dismissive, so NTA.
NTA, at all. I wouldn't have called him a prick myself but he absolutely deserved a strong public rebuke. My wife doesn't have anything abnormally wrong with her reproductive system but her periods have ranged from "moderate but easily manangeable discomfort" to "in the fetal position for hours in terrible debilitating pain". While many periods aren't as painful as some physical injuries, many are, and the fact he refuses to acknowledge that, despite both parents in your corner, puts him very much in the wrong.
If they try to punish you, sue.
As someone who has endometriosis, and has broken their leg twice, let me tell you: you have all my permission to swear them into the next millennia.
Only one of the breaks was more painful than one of my 'bad periods' (it was the femur). The other break was only more painful on the day after the surgery to put 3 metal plates and at least 15 pins into the bones to hold it together and I'd been without IV pain relief for 6 hours. That was a 10 on the pain scale, the femur was a 9, and my bad periods were 8.5.
The break that needed the 3 plates and many pins? Like a 6. 4 once I was on a hospital bed with something under the knee. It was fun being very calm and understated when the ER specifically told me it was a 'really nasty break'.
Why do you end your paragraphs with a -?
My niece on her 1st day of her life period she throws up! My sister took her to the GP, who said unfortunately some girls can throw up due to the hormones.
As many schools in the UK at the moment, the control over who can go to the bathroom seems to be a huge issue!
My sister paid for a letter from her GP explaining that when my niece needs to go to the bathroom, she should be allowed to go!
I saw a video online that showed men experiencing the "joy" of period pain. Let's just say it didn't take much for them to cry out in pain!
Time to let your parents address this, and the fact your sdad witnessed what he said is a good thing!
Definitely see a DR to make sure you don't have anything else going on in your body to cause this pain.
Good luck.
*principAL
Thank you! I don’t think anyone here would have been able to make a fair decision without that petty correction!
☝️🤓
NTA, as an endo sufferer my periods are horrendous. Not saying you have this but they absolutely can be debilitating. Get his misogynistic ass!
NTA
Don't even have to read all that.
signed, a fellow period-cramper
NTA. Pain is subjective and he cannot tell you how much pain you’re in. Also love the fact that the one without a uterus, who will never experience a period in his life, is the one mansplaining period pain. I would have called him worse than a misogynistic prick.
Nope, NTA, even if you are 14 years old, thank you for speaking up for all of us who couldn't at that age and were suffering with the same horrendous pain.
Now could you have used less inflammatory language, yes. So you may get some backlash for that. As you get older you'll learn how to be more effective with your words for pushback without putting yourself in a corner from name calling.
Thing of it is, your principle is not going to change his mind about a womans period pain being anything with valid status. But what may change is him watching what he says about it to the next young lady. Especially if your parents call him out over it.
However, your pain DOES need to be assessed by a GYN as soon as possible. Like others have indicated, that kind of pain is not normal and is a red flag something is amiss. I so wish someone would have taken me to a gyn when I was your age and gotten help a lot sooner instead of what I had to deal with when I got in my 50's as things got a lot more serious. Everything is ok for now, finally, but it took me at least two years working with a gyn to find what gave me relief until I can afford to have a hysterectomy done.
Look into wild yam cream. I make my own for myself (hysterectomy issues), and my daughter 14y, she too had awful periods. Let me tell you what a difference is for her and I. I use it daily she uses 3 weeks on 1 week off. It's made such a wonderful impact on our well-being.
And that principle needs his nads connected to a few muscle stimulators then let's see him get up and walk around in pain.
NTA.. I hope you find a way to resolve the pain. That said even normal periods are NOT pain free..and anyone who has never had one, should not have an opinion FAFO
NTA
You are Queen!
Shit like this needs to be called out.
But also, please see if you can get help with your painful periods. Don't suffer unnecessarily!
Both the arsehole, what the principal said was quite an uneducated statement, particularly around that topic, it should not have been said. For that, they are the arsehole.
Then to you, called him a misogynistic prick, a misogynist is someone who hates women, I never saw any hated towards women in his statement, just ignorance. What you said was uncalled for. Why could you not just have said ‘I was unwell’ and left it like that ? Were you deliberately telling him about your period to make him uncomfortable and trigger a response ? Sounds like you got what you were after, so you’re the arsehole too
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