Omg he actually did it, I thought this was a "I'm considering doing this" situation. Nope he's already buried her and had the funeral.
Her poor family and friends knowing she wanted to be cremated but this monster who's only been with her 2 years wanted money.
Not only that, but wife already paid for her own funeral & expressed which arrangements she wanted, with bloody life insurance!
That tosser robbed his own wife. He robbed his dead wife!
Edit to add the missing word “expressed”
See that's confusing. She's 26 years old. She dies unexpectedly in a car accident and has already prepaid for her funeral or pre-planned her funeral?
Maybe she’s unfortunately been to a lot of funerals.
I know a few younger people who have funeral cover, not quite her age but under 35. Some people might also get funeral cover included in their life insurance.
I have a friend in his 40s who never expected to reach his 30s. He's also a financial planner. He has a whole binder with info and instructions for his wife.
I used to sell pre-planned Cemetery arrangements and when I first got the job I thought it was going to be a scam but in reality it's a great idea. You lock in today's prices and you get to decide what you want.
My family knows I want to be cremated and donate organs if possible and they also know I'm an atheist so would not want anything religious. Once you're gone I guess it doesn't matter but it's still pretty crappy that he did this.
They've been doing that for a long time in Chicago. My great-grandparents pre-purchased mausoleums in the 50's. They actually bought a whole block of mausoleums, they relocated my great-grandmother's parents to be next to them, and bought one for their son, my grandfather, and all his daughters. I'm not sure but I think my mom and her sisters still have theirs, I don't think any of them have sold them back, but idk if any of them plan to have the cremains "interred" there. I guess I should ask about that.
Hey, I’d like to believe this is fake too.
But life insurance at 26 is pretty cheap. Paying her life insurance contributions means she had paid for her own funeral. Even at 26 years old.
“Pre-planning” her own funeral isn’t really the same as letting her loved ones know her wishes. Because it’s only once you have actually planned a funeral you realise quite how involved it is (would you like the curtains to close at the en of the service? Whilst the music is still on? What music?).So by having those conversations I can believe she likely thought she had taken care of it.
We (Estate Planners) get a lot of these conversations when a woman gets married or becomes a parent.
Oftentimes they don’t really have much to leave besides their insurance due to their age - but they want to get the paperwork done anyway.
Since OP says he didn’t want to discuss death it’d be natural to have that conversation with other loved ones instead.
On a general note, OP refusing to talk about death or funerals etc is also a really common issue with men. It’s like they think the very act of getting their Last Will & Testament means they are opening the door to an imminent visit from the Grim Reaper. Nor does it improve much as they age. Thus most appointments are made by the wife and she has to practically drag him in.
YES! I had a will before I was married and had kids. My first job o was able to get $500k life insurance dirt cheap (and I was 33 at the time). When I left, I was able to take it with me, still dirt cheap. I keep telling my friends that they need life insurance, a will and who will take care of their minor children should they die! I am shocked by how many people don’t. Even some doctors I have worked with don’t have things in place, and they see death all the time.
There’s only about one third of all people in the U.K. that have so much as a will.
“Oh my Johnny / Sarah know what I want. They’ll take care of my youngest….”
No lady. No they will not. Where there is a will, there’s a row. But where there is no will, there is probate.
Johnny / Sarah will give their sibling the time it takes for the process to play out. Before selling the only home your youngest orphan has ever known from under her. That child will be sharing a bloody tent with three flatmates by the time she’s graduating school.
But who wants to believe the worst of their kids? Everyone believes they have more time.
Unless that is, they disapprove of their son / daughter in law. Then they can always afford it and can certainly find a free hour in their diary to wack everything into a Trust. Just to be absolutely sure that their child’s spouse will never see a penny.
It’s like their love / hate is inversely proportionate to how much time / money they’ll put into planning their estate.
Question: Is life insurance an even younger person (perhaps a single 20F with a career) should consider? Or a tad older?
If you aren’t married or have no kids, then you could prob have just enough to cover a funeral. But while being very young, be sure to stay out of debt. Get yourself a Roth IRA and start investing.
Yep, I max out! Luckily I’m still living at home (moving out next year) so low expenses, and I make quite a bit especially for my age. I’m very fortunate my family took a step up the ladder each generation, and I don’t want to waste their efforts like a fool!
👏👏great! You are on the road to success then!!
Do you have family that can cover funeral expenses easily? $10,000 is a decent amount, can be done for a bit less, but at minimum $5,000. If you get life insurance now and lock in the rate it's much better, I got a large policy at 18 for $5/mth and now in my 40s still pay that $5/mth but if I took a policy now it would be so very much more. It also goes up if you develop health issues before you buy it, if you are injured in any way, and a handful of other factors. I almost lost my life in my early 20s and there wouldn't have been anyone who could have paid for my cremation or burial without my insurance, so I would have basically left my grieving family with a butt load of debt and stress trying to do their best for me.
I've been told life insurance is for anyone who doesn't have enough liquid assests to cover their debts in full as well as funeral costs and burial.
I had a family friend who had a wife and three kids who didn’t have life insurance—direct quote, “My family’ll take care of them.” I am a quiet person, but I tire into him. “That is not their job—that is your job as their husband and father.”
I'm 26 and I'm already making arrangements for life insurance so I don't burden my parents with funeral expenses, and so I know my mum is financially taken care of for a while. Not saying this is for sure a real story (honestly I hope not) but people in their 20s do think about these things. Personally, I started thinking about making arrangement because a former classmate of mine died a few years ago.
Once there's a triggering event such as your friend dying, most people will start to make those plans, but until they have something like that happen they usually don't.
Yeah it's one of things things where it's like "it could be fake but I'm still totally livid".
Tbf, I'm only 26 and I just signed a medical directive with explicit wishes in case of an early death/vegetative state. I've too many horror stories about families fighting over whether to keep someone alive. Since I was at it, I added that I want done with my body when I die.
Excellent! Be sure you TELL people about it, have a power of attorney, and a health care proxy. Get some life insurance too. At your age it will be pretty cheap to get TERM life. (Never get whole life !) Get it outside your job, because usually you can’t take that with you when you leave a job.
I am a nurse and worked in a nursing home. So many of my residents were still full code. When Covid hit the NP explained very harshly to the families what would happen if they got covid and had to be intubated.
My mom and GP have a copy. I also have a copy in a safe.
Why not whole life?
They're young enough they'd get their premium locked in place and won't have to worry about it going up as they age. And if they reach the face value of the policy before age 100, they can cash it out and enjoy it before they die.
If they fall on hard times, there are quite a few options where they can borrow against it without getting higher premiums. So they'd never have to deal with predatory loans.
Because it is much more expensive. Upwards of 10x more. It shouldn’t be considered an investment. Work on an emergency fund so you have that to fall back on. The chances of them living long enough to reach the face value is slim to none.
That depends on when they start the policy and how much they're willing to contribute monthly. They could even set up an annuity so the face value is reached much sooner via interest and actively contribute to retirement. An emergency fund won't help the long term the same way.
And I don't see how it's 10x more expensive when the face value won't change and the premium is set up to be consistent throughout the years. You pay only towards the face value. Premium is based on age no matter what policy you get.
With term, you'll never reach face value. There's no chance of payout before death, and premiums rise with age at the end of term. You can't borrow from it, and it has little to no chance of premium return. It's great if you just want something in case the worst happens, but it does nothing else and adds nothing to late in life finances.
I just think there are much better options than just a simple term policy. Options that, should they live into old age, they can benefit from greatly.
So I did a quick search - I used a healthy 25 yo male non-smoker. a 30 year term police would be $27-65 a month (with rates raising as they got older) A whole life policy would be an average of $351-369 per month! That is a HUGE difference. Instead of "building up cash value" you could take that money, and invest it. You would have a much better return on your investment. And at some point, once your kids are grown, and your house is paid off, you don't need that much life insurance. You need enough to bury you - maybe leave some behind if you so choose.
Yes, you don't get a "pay out" with term if you don't die. But you also don't use your car insurance unless you get in an accident. Or health insurance - you pay into, and you may never need to use it. But if you get cancer, then it is there for you.
Not that uncommon. I was 22 when my semisortof stepdad died quite young with nothing written down , never having had any conversation about his wishes. It made an already agonizing situation even harder than it needed to be. We did not have much idea what he wanted, where his financial documents were, if there were any personal bequests, nothing...
His daughters, my mom and I all took that lesson to heart & put our essential paperwork in order. I haven't pre-paid anything (mostly because I wasn't at all sure where life might take me) but I have had detailed conversations with my spouse and a couple of close friends and have updated my written directives every few years.
I have life insurance that would more than cover my “funeral” (I don’t want a formal funeral) and my parents, my partner, and a few friends all know what my wishes are should I pass. I’m 27. So pretty similar to OOP’s wife. Except my partner does know what I want and wouldn’t ignore my wishes in order to get his parents money
Plenty of people in the U.S. buy life insurance (at least enough to pay for a funeral) for their children. I’ve had about $50,000 in coverage since I was a child. (And have more now that I’m an adult.)
I mean I'm 26 and I've had my funeral planned since like 2019.
I know a lot of people who have it planned and it's either because something happened like they were in an accident and they almost died and they're like okay, so I didn't happen this time. But if it does happen this is what you need to do.
Or they just heard of an interesting funeral and they were like hey guys, I want something like this, but do it in this way
I knew by 24 what I wanted and had it all written up. In 2 years a close friend lost her 2 month old son and my best friend died in a horrible car crash. Her funeral was exactly what she wouldn't have wanted. My best friend and I both wrote out to each other what we wanted after that.
Ive known a very well organised straight laced female whose paid off her funeral.....only 1 though
He was in the comments saying she had mental illnesses. She probably got life insurance and spoke with her friends about it because she was considering self yeeting. Which as someone who also has mental illness is something I've also considered.
I mean I can see it, I’m also 26 and I have a pre-planned funeral tho not prepaid. I’ve always had the feeling I’d go young so I never wanted people to wonder what I would’ve wanted.
I made sure all my friends & family knew what I wanted done with my remains in my teens. The world is unpredictable & dangerous, even in the best of times. Feces occurs. Regularly.
My funeral is paid for, my husbands and even our son has an insurance set for his funeral. They are very expensive
My dad died when I was 17, and several grandparents before that, and I've had some lost very young. I have had life insurance since the month I turned 18 and several people are aware of how I want my funeral to go, there is enough in insurance to cover it and I'll be starting separate savings now that I've seen how long it is currently taking to have that paid out. Should I have passed in my 20s it would have been known what I wanted, though i do need to have an updated will done.
And didn't give a damn about her wishes
I’d haunt the bastard.
Because it would truly feel to her family & friends like a betrayal of her memory. A violation of a kind.
That OOP is seemly oblivious to the reasonable, legitimate, deep sense of resentment that such feelings of helplessness, guilt and anger has naturally fostered - will likely be causing them more anguish too.
Because in the cruelty and callousness of his actions towards his wife’s loved ones, he will undoubtedly have caused those loved ones to question just how cruel and callous he behaved towards their daughter too. Whether she was this disrespected by OP & ILs in life too and just how happy or healthy, their marriage was.
Grief is hard enough. People question their historical behaviour and there is often a sense of guilt. But confidence in knowing a deceased person was fully aware of the unconditionality of your love can be a salve. Something to hold to beneath that crushing weight of grief.
To add reason to worry about whether they maybe missed something about the happiness of her marriage, or to wonder what gave their daughter pause about confiding in them, is cruel.
It is however, consistent with the type of person who would think that because a person isn’t religious, to be prayed over, or baptised, or given Last Rights against their will when dead doesn’t matter.
But it does matter.
If I do have a soul, then it is mine. If my soul is to be weighed, then let it be against the feather. To force others to bear witness to what would feel to them to be a malicious violation of my soul, is in my opinion, a monstrous act.
One fully deserving of a good haunting .
Not necessarily. She would have had to set up a funeral plan for that. Doesn't sound like she did. Most people that age don't.
A company can take a life insurance plan out on their employees, doesn't give them a right to decide how they are dealt with after death.
My paternal grandma did this too.
She picked her own urn (it was beautiful, dark green and black marbled) and wanted to be buried in a collective urn grave, cause my grandfather was dead for so long, his grave wasn't existent anymore (she was his second wife, so a big age gap) and she didn't want to lie alone somewhere.
My father died after 3 months on the ICU and he always said, that he doesn't want a grave with flowers and stuff, cause he didn't want to be a burden after being gone.
He's buried in a cemetery forest, sharing a tree with others around his age (all died in their 50s or early 60s), so he has good company to rock on.
Kinda wished mine had too. It cost about £10,000 when he passed suddenly with no estate.
That's harsh... Cemetery forest is also not really cheap, but it's often cheaper than a regular cemetery. You can even buy a family tree, before anyone dies.
It's a really good system and when I pass one day, I also want to be placed in a cemetery forest.
It sounds like a suspiciously fast relationship and thar He neither knew or cared enough to know what she really wanted.
If this is true I hope karma comes to bite Him really badly!
It definitely sounds more like a true crime episode to me, although in true crime cases, it's the other way around - the killer pushes for cremation to hide the evidence.
I’m betting he only married her to take care of his daughter for him.
I hope it comes back on his parents. They are the one that made him pick between his wife's wishes and his daughters future. Home security (is not having to worry about being forced out of where you live or having to move a lot) is a big impact on kids.
Yeah I do think he's an asshole but he's grieving his wife and grief makes people unable to think clearly and therefore make stupid decisions. I think his parents are the real devils here, knowing she wasn't religious and leveraging their granddaughters stability to somehow satisfy their religious desires. (And I'm a Christian! But this is super messed up)
They are most certainly the devils in this case! Both in this life and the next when they find out that they're not going where they think they're going because of the way they treated this woman.
Hope they like it hot!
I would be livid. All my family and friends no I absolutely do NOT want a funeral. None. And certainly nothing religious. I want to be cremated and then turned into a coral reef.
You can be turned into a coral reef??? So cool!!!
Yes! You can!
Yes. One of my friends did this with her sons ashes
I wanted to become a tree but a coral reef is so much better!
I was originally planning to be a tree. Then found out about being a coral reef.
Yup. I'm already planning to be cremated by the Neptune Society, spread in their Atlantis reef, and my marker placed in the underwater "ruins."
I want to be a tree but the kid is worried about moving away so I may need an alternative. Perhaps I'll be made into a 'diamond' and can be a rpetty piece of jewelry.
This post is glaringly fake.
Nah its a troll thankfully. Dude is shadowbanned
"I'm upset because I feel like everyone left me to grieve by myself."
What he hell does he expect, he has known these people for a handful of years and he is disrespecting her memory because it's free and his parents get to control everything. Why should they be anywhere near him ever?
WTAF! You married someone, but couldn't discuss death plans?? It was 2 years, not 2 days. That was plenty of time. Why exactly do your parents have any say?? Her loved ones are telling you she would hate this. You should heed them. They actually cared enough to know what she wanted. I hope she haunts you 😒
He even says in a comment that he didn't discuss it with her because it "makes him uncomfortable." What an arsewipe
I hope she comes back and haunts him!
To paraphrase one of my favorite lines from M*A*S*H, I hope she comes back as a squirrel and runs right up his pant leg.
I seriously cannot understand the parents in this. "Hey, we'll pay for a funeral of someone we've known for only two years, through our son, and we've got zero clue what she'd like but we're doing it our way or nothing at all."
I can understand them offering to help their son with the cost. I cannot understand why they care so much that it's a burial and a religious funeral. This is barely about them at all? Just why do they care? Would they have been offended or sad if it was done her way? It's a funeral!
And if they're saying "we'll pay for this, so you can use her money for a house", why not... let him use her money for her funeral, her way, and then gift him money for a house?
What’s especially confusing is they what she wanted would be sooo much cheaper than what they did
Also, a lot of what she wanted was not tied to any church. I wonder if she and her family were not very religious compared to his family so this is there way of saving her for Christ.
It gives me serious vibes of when a trans person dies, and the family that rejected their choices in life takes over. The family then make sure they are dressed, made up and called by their dead name and gender at birth.
Maybe because they didn’t approve of the wife and by doing it in their “acceptable” way they are buying a second chance at a daughter in law from their community?
That’s probably it
They are southern Baptist. Evangelicals. That’s why. Can’t have that heathen DIL buried like a heathen.
BINGO. Too many deeply religious folks use their beliefs as coercion over others.
I wonder if it's because they want him in their church burial ground and are afraid he will want to be buried with her. Or the grandchild might want to be with the mom (if that's her mom) and they don't want their grandchild not in their religious cemetery.
My brother and I lost our parents too early. My mum's funeral was lovely, I was not happy with the send off my stepmother put together for my dad. After that, we made sure that we knew what the other wanted. He is religious, and even though I am not, I will make sure he has a service at his church with the music he loves. He knows that I want no kind of service or religious trimmings, but if he wants to organise a small memorial lunch or something, my ghost won't be mad with him.
These things are important. If you have any respect for a person in life, you should respect them in death.
That last sentence chefs kiss. It's such an easy way to show love. I would expect that much of a spouse
You know that this asswipe would have ignored any desire or preferences his wife had told him anyway. There wasn’t any mystery about her wishes, he never implied there was a question, just that his parents helped him save a few thousand bucks (at most, because a cremation without all the fanfare is MUCH MUCH less expensive than any type of funeral).
That’s why I believe it was solely done to save OP’s parents face in the Church. They’d be judged if she had a simple cremation with no church service because that’s “unchristian”
They wanted to “save face” by giving OP’s wife a “Christian” funeral
Very common. People don’t like to think about the fact they can die, especially when they are in their 20s. I am a nurse and I was trying to get an older patient to sign her health care proxy. She said “I will do it when o need it”. Ummmm that is the point - you need it BEFORE you need it!
“Nobody has talked with me since the burial”
Oh my god, he actually went through with it??
The audacity he ignored his wife's wishes and counsel from her people then plays the victim card.
So his last act as husband is to crap all over his wife's memory because it's cheaper and he can keep more of the life insurance money for himself. And he's surprised her family and friends are done with him entirely and don't give a shit about his "grief". Does make you wonder what that poor women ever saw in this pos. Obviously dumber than a post.
And also she didn’t want a lavish funeral. She wanted a simple cremation and to be laid to rest. That’s not much money compared to whatever OP’s parents spent.
Yep, and there likely would have been enough insurance money left over to have a good start on a down payment for a house.
I'm Catholic & my ex husband died. He had asked that I manage everything, I did, there was no funeral, no religious ceremony, just a cheap cremation & brief memorial & Ash disperal with his children. Is this what I want for myself, no, but I honoured his wishes & we had a deep friendship & respect. If true, the OoP is a total prick & I would never speak with him again
He is upset that her friends and family haven’t talked to him since her funeral, but why would they after what he did. Is he really surprised?
He avoided talking to her about what she wanted done after she died when she tried to. He ignored the set instructions from her that her friends had. He is keeping his wife’s life insurance money for himself and his daughter from a previous relationship. All because “death makes him uncomfortable”. So yeah. F*** off, you can grieve alone.
This is sadly why having a written will is so important. Without one, OP as her husband is the one allowed to make the decisions
I call rage bait.
If there is one time that people can be counted on to be terrible, it is on the event of a traumatic death. This sort of thing is VERY common when queer folks die; the family swoops in and tries to erase their queer identity. It's why having a written and signed plan in place with an assigned person designated to carry out your wishes is so important (if you have wishes; not everyone does). It's a shame OOP's wife didn't do that so her friends could step in.
Exactly. Everyone, but especially queer people need a written will so they are not dishonoured in their deaths
i lost a dear friend of mine in march of 2022. they were queer and poly, full of life, had a beautiful spirit, and i adored them. they always had a tough relationship with their mom. we drifted apart a year or so before they died, but i was incredibly torn up about their death. at the viewing, i was horrified. this person never wore makeup, and they did up their face in borderline full glam. they also removed their facial piercings - something they were very proud of. of course, their mom was behind a majority of it. they were misgendered during the whole service, everything. it’s truly disgusting the way that someone “grieving” could erase someone’s entire identity. i miss my friend every day.
may this person rest in peace despite her wishes not being respected. and may karma come to kick this guy square in the ass. i wish him the worst.
I have to believe it’s rage bait or else I’ll be sad for the wife
I have to believe it's rage babe. I don't think a lot of people in their 20s are like gaming out their funeral unless they have a terminal illness
I'm mid-twenties and my husband, friends, in-laws, sister, and mom have been told what I want to happen to my remains after I die and what kind of memorial I would like. My husband, mom, and sister also know that if I die in a car crash I do not want a roadside memorial. One of the biggest reasons I wanted to get married was so that my husband would be my legal next-of-kin and, therefore, be the one to ensure that my wishes are followed after death.
I grant that it's a little different for me because I've worked in the death industry, but I've been vocal about what I want to have happen after I die since I was in my late teens. Part of that was because I saw others disrespect the wishes of departed family members and I wanted to make sure no one did that to me.
I seriously suggest every adult, regardless of age, thinks ahead to what they want to happen after they die and is vocal about it. Even better would be to do any paperwork needed ahead of time. For example, in my state, an advanced directive includes a section for designating funeral arrangements. It's also important to do the proper paperwork (POA, living will, advanced directive, etc) to establish what life-saving efforts you want as well as other details like organ donation. Don't want to be unplugged from life support? Do the paperwork. Do want to be unplugged? Do the paperwork. Otherwise, the decision is going to your next-of-kin, and you better hope they know and respect your wishes.
Sadly I’m not sure with this one.
I can see someone being this greedy and disregarding everything his wife wanted
Speaking from personal experience - I have learned to not underestimate the horrible way people behave when someone passes, and their willingness to make that death about them and what they want.
I'm coming up on the anniversary of someone's death and years later, their family *still* has refused to honor her dying wishes that they had agreed to.
Yea. The in laws or friends would have chipped in if OOP had money issues. Big hole.
Ooof. I would also think that this is rage bait, except that I have personally seen almost this exact situation.
“Her friends told me that she wanted to be cremated, she didn't want a church funeral, she didn't want any flowers and she definitely didn't want a viewing. She wanted people to just let her rest and celebrate her life. My parents think this is a tacky way to mourn.”
Have I misunderstood the meaning of the word “tacky” all this time? Because I would have said it was the parents who are tacky.
By “tacky” they mean “the church ladies would gossip about it”
Why does it feel like he killed his wife for the insurance money?
Because he alienated her spirit
His second update before they deleted it he said "If anyone killed her it was herself" in response to this. It just makes me think he did it more.
wtf.....damm i missed that
We don’t know the circumstances under which this happened. And if he did kill her, why would he want her buried where her body could be exhumed and he could be brought to justice, rather then cremated so no evidence of any fowl play remains
If it was a car accident the real thing he would need to hide for evidence is the car, not the body. Plus someone so cocky as to think refusing her last wishes wouldn't be suspicious and is already planning the house to buy before the cheque is cashed is too cocky to think they'd get caught no matter what they do.
What the actual fuck
A lot of people said that too over in the comments if so he needs to be locked up in prison. They are all wishing her ghost is haunting him.
That's my feeling too!!
All of the (heavily downvoted) commenters saying NTA “she’s dead why should it matter” are deplorable human beings.
I had a friend die and a mutual said that to me when the family decided not to honor the dying wishes.
It 100% changed my perception of them (and, it surprised me how many others had the same mindset). There is no one more vulnerable than a dead person who died believing their last wants would be honored.
This shit scares the fuck out of me, almost enough to start writing my own will and I’m a healthy 24 year old.
Having a will is not a bad thing, but it’s not something I feel people in their 20s-40s(personal opinion) really think about especially if they’re completely healthy.
There’s currently a good possibility my FIL doesn’t have a will(if anyone should have had a will he definitely SHOULD have but there’s a good chance there’s not), we have been trying to find one and are waiting to gain access to his banks security box in hopes that if there is one that it’s in there. At this point just to help my sil and partner get everything else sorted.
He was only 50 when he passed less than a month ago and we tried our best to give him a service he would have enjoyed and didn’t hate. He was prepared in the way that he wanted (cremation) he told this to my SIL and my partner verbally for if anything ever happened to him.
My FIL was the type of guy that would also say to just toss him off a bridge and be done with it 🙄
Regardless it was a beautiful service with many of his loved ones and many of his colleagues that were like family to him. People laughed and joked and people were smiling, tho there were tears shed I think my FIL would be happy that it was mostly people celebrating him and smiling rather than making it a “cry fest” over him.
Sorry that was kinda a long ramble but it does feel good talking about it. It is so fresh and things have been hard for us.
A will is not enough. There is additional paperwork that should be done, such as an advanced directive. Different states have different laws about what part of a will can and can't be enforced, and that includes funeral planning and disposition of remains. As an aside, Power of Attorney ceases upon death and will mean nothing when it comes to decision making. Many people just don't know these details and think a will is enough, but it isn't on so many levels, and things like advanced directives and trusts should be looked into. You should also make sure that all of the paperwork is easily accessible.
Looking ahead to asset managing and all that, it's important to know that wills go into probate, trusts do not. Again, people think a will is the end all be all and it really isn't.
What a fucking ass cunt. How disrespectful to his wife’s memory by denying her the send off she wanted.
I'd leave him to grieve by himself too. What a waste of oxygen.
If this is real, I hope the OP lives the rest of his life with his wishes disrespected and disregarded at every turn. He deserves to be indefinitely miserable until his death, where he will then be laid to rest by people who want nothing but to capitalize on his death at the expense of his final wishes.
I hope her life insurance money buys him nothing but grief and isolation. This better be rage bait.
Monstrous if true
Not only did you ignore her friends and family--who knew what his wife wanted a whole lot more than he did--but he ignored the wishes of his wife, who had made it clear she wanted to be cremated. He chose his parents' money over the wishes of his late wife.
I wonder how much older OOP is than his wife.
I hope he stays single forever.
As someone who has organised a funeral for a loved one, this is abhorrent. Truly disgusting.
There are few things lower than ignoring the wishes of a person once they have passed, who depended on you to honor their wishes.
He 100% deserves to be isolated and shunned. May he forever feel like he has an eyelash in his eye and pebble in his shoe for his remaining days.
What a full asshole.
Would there be a legal way to "undo" the burial and have her cremated?
I can't imagine being the wife's parent and the guy I've known for 2 years and maybe only met a few times during that time decides to go against my daughter's wishes. It's almost like losing your child twice, once because she died and then again because OOP and his parents buried her in a churchyard - without any involvement of the wife's parents, family or friends.
that’s so disgusting to use money to get “your way” in this situation, as if paying for a wedding. this isn’t deciding the venue, this is deciding where someone is laid to rest. oop is awful, but his parents are truly foul human beings.
OOP is dumb as hell if he's using money as an excuse, we cremate and hold no ceremonies in my family, we save a lot of money this way. He is wasting the parents money doing this, all for a show they get to put on, it's disgusting and disingenuous.
Also, we don't heartlessly mourn btw, we do the cheapest method of handling the remains, then donate to some cherished cause in the name of the deceased, then scatter the remains in a beloved place.
Please be fake because if not you have enemies now.
I hope in an upcoming story they burn down his house and somehow the wife ends up cremated like she wished. How the writers get there, up to them.
...you think the wife is buried in the house?
Hope she haunts him
Edit: fix the derp
Other way around
Oh yeah. Damn. That was silly of me.
and this is why i have funeral insurance that covers my funeral AT MY WISHES
this is the best example for having your own testament locked at your attorney regardless if you come form money or not. Such a creep
HAUNT HIS ASS
If the daughter had been shared, I can see the argument of doing this to provide a better life for her with the life insurance money. However, she’s not and OOP is purely profiting on her death at this point. He really is evil.
I preplanned and prepaid mine in my 20s. For a bargain price of $50 a month for 10 years, I got everything except a hole to throw me in. If my kids decide to cremate me instead, it will cover it - but I paid for all the bells and whistles, because if I had died before my dad, he would have fought my husband.
I don't care, really - life is for the living. But if I did, I'd expect my husband to follow through.
I’m sorry but why did HIS parents have any say in what happens to her???
Omg I hope she haunts his ass
Ewwww ewwww ewwww
Honestly if I was his wife’s family/friends, I would take him to court to dig her up and give her the send off she wanted and deserved.
OP poor wife, she had no idea what a cheap awful person she married.
His wife had no say in her own funeral...
May she haunt him for the rest of his life. What a selfish prick.
Why can't his parents put money towards the house for him and their granddaughter and let him use the life insurance for its intended purpose? Oh yeah, cos they're trying to push their personal beliefs on a woman who can't argue anymore and OOP is letting them. It's nothing to do with it being financially better for OOP and his kid, its just control with religion thrown in.
I would haunt my husband every waking (and sleeping) moment of his life.
He killed her 💯
Funerals aren't for the dead. They are for the living to cope with death.
People don't like to talk about their plans for death as it is often considered taboo and at their age I am not really surprised. It tends to be one of those things people don't start talking about till they start attending funerals on any kind of regular basis.
I am not going to fault him for wanting to look out for his daughter and using the money to give her home security b buying a house.
NTA
the grandparents are though, putting their son in a position like that. Making him choose between his daughter and his wife. It is people like them that are causing the decline in Christianity. They are manipulative and intentionally bypassing boundaries. OP needs a solid will and end of life plan.
Funerals are for the living, true, in this case also for the people who loved her most and that is obviously not the husband and his parents but the friends. Dead person’s wishes should be respected rather than try to make as much money of their death as possible. Especially when they expressed that they did not want a church burial and viewing - doing that because the parents pay for it is just plain disrespectful and showing that the husband doesn’t care. To me it sounds that he is coping just fine, friends less so.
What I want to know is where we're her parents in all of this, they could have done something too.
Way to disrespect your wife's wishes, OOP.
YTA.
I know I'm going against the grain here, but I wouldn't judge the husband as harshly as most are. As an atheist myself I would express similar wishes regarding my funeral but also as an atheist, once I'm dead, I'm dead and no longer know or care what is done with my body. I find it odd that specific instructions were given to friends but not next of kin ie the husband and have to wonder how long ago these instructions were given - could even be something they discussed when they were very much younger and not necessarily a reflection of her later thinking. I also doubt that money was as big an issue as people are assuming. The kind of funeral the wife supposedly wanted would have been cheap, as funerals go, and the in-laws spent a substantial sum of their own money to give their son's wife what they believed to be a respectful funeral. I think their intentions were good. Ultimately the final say over how a funeral is conducted lies with the next of kin - in this case the husband. If the wife had felt strongly about her funeral wishes I feel she would have at least mentioned them to him at some point, or ideally set them out in her will. In fact I think the friends in particular are the assholes in this situation. I find it extremely disrespectful and insensitive towards a grieving husband for them to insert themselves in a decision that isn't theirs to make and cause a drama about the funeral planning.
The instructions were literally given around the time of her death because she wrote her wishes to her friends because her grown ass husband was “uncomfortable talking about death” and avoided the subject.
I also don’t imagine a 26 year old being prepared and having a will ready. You know ideally she wouldn’t have been killed in a car accident at 26 years old.
The issue with the funeral is everything. She was not religious. All it did was save OOP more of her life insurance for him and his daughter that wasn’t even hers. Which realistically a cremation would have been cheaper than what they did.
He deserved to grieve alone. Why should all of the people that actually cared about her give thought to the man who stomped all over her wants and plugged his fingers in his ears when she tried having this discussion?
If this is even real. This man deserves to rot.
Wow everyone here sucks. If you don't understand what it's like to deal with a parent dying while your young or being a widow to a spouse stfu especially the fucking detective wannabes.
My partner very recently went through the unexpected death of a close family member and we have been dealing with this. Every other thought has been "what would deceased have wanted?" OOP's attitude seems so bizarre in the situation that my mind is telling me this is fake but I know there are all kinds of people out there.
That's why i make sure to ask, i know everyone's close to me wishes about life support and what i can do with their dead body
Personally it's my worst nightmare being kept alive by life support and after I realized I felt that way i started asking the people around me, for my mom i can do whatever the hell i want with her body as long as I don't embalm her (she plans to be 1 with nature and become plant food
I will admit i don't know what's it's like but he disrespected his wife's wishes to save money
What she wanted wasn't even expensive you'll pay more for the pretty box they'll put you in than for cremation in a cardboard box. I will say that the funeral companies shouldn't talk directly to someone who is deep in mourning, they'll try to upsale you and get you to buy add on's like no one else
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Had a similar situation happen in my husband's family. Within the span of ~2 years, he lost his grandfather, grandmother, and father due to a menagerie of medical complications. His uncle (eldest son in the family) completely overtook their funerals and refused to hear any input.
Grandpa didn't want a military funeral, but by god did he get one.
My FIL just wanted to be cremated so his children could inherit as much possible, but Uncle insisted on using that money for a plot and fancy headstone. My MIL still will not talk to him to this day (it's been like 7 years).
Worst yet, during FIL's funeral, Uncle brought Grandma (who was alive but not entirely there mentally) and the shock of losing her youngest son potentially caused her to pass much sooner than she would have. He also buried her without any input from his sisters.
Dude's name is one of those where if it's invoked, it's usually met with "Fuck that guy."
I really REALLY hope this is fake.
bro probably murdered her too
“No one was listening to me” - but did you listen to them?
“They have no say in how I plan my wife’s funeral” “Everyone left me to grieve by myself” did you even read what you wrote? Do you know how stupid you sound? You got what you want, go find comfort in your family since they’re they ones that seem to have the say.
You don’t allow they to give their opinion, go against your wife’s wishes then you’re upset because they didn’t comfort you?
YTA.
So she literally could not discuss any plans should this happen because it made you uncomfy, but the friends and family she was able to tell what she wanted you decided to ignore? I have so maybe words to say and none of them are nice. I’m glad everyone left you by yourself.
Asshole just wringing every last drop of value out of a dead woman who o guess he married to raise his kid. Give it six months, he will have suckered some barely adult young woman to marry him and do all the work because he's soooo sad as a widowed father. Like a gross twist on an 80s sitcom.
I thought it was her parents that wanted the church ceremony ... had to go reread it. Why are your parents dictating this barely stranger funeral
If my husband disrespected me this way, I'd haunt his ass for the rest of eternity. This is DISGUSTING.
I don't think her family and friends not getting a say wouldn't be a problem, if the wife got one in her own damn burrial
This post has me so worried. My best friend of 17 years passed away early this past Dec. They loved metal, was insanely gay, and just a cool person. They ran away to California to escape their awful father and now he’s the one that gets to head the memorial service. Thankfully they will be cremated since it’ll be easier to move them to Texas and the sperm donor is a cheapskate, but my friends and others that loved them are worried it’ll be super religious and dull. That’s not who they were and I’m planning to usurp the service by wearing our colors (lgbtq+ and whatever else) to express who they truly were.
My husband and I got married specifically because I knew my parents would do this exact thing to me if they were making decisions after I died. I would come back and haunt him if he let me be buried in a church cemetery expressly against my will! I get that once you're gone you can't really care about what happened to your body but this is so selfish and in my mind gross. Using her death for his gain instead of honoring her memory and wishes.
I’ve seen a lot of Devil post but for some reason this has stuck out as the most absolutely evil to me.
It’s one thing for OP to do something to someone alive but this OP legit stole from his dead wife AND to put salt in the wound decided to go against her wishes to please SOMEONE ELSE.
Then has the NERVE to act like the victim, poor OP’s late wife can’t even defend herself because she’s gone. This is like the incarnate of evil since she can’t do anything about it holy hell.
Has to be rage bait, there is no way. Assholes are usually much more subtle in their monstrosity.
Wow, this should really be illegal. He is such a selfish asshole. It isn't his funeral or his parents that their desire, culture or religion has any importance or role in her life and death. He just wanted to selfishly use her money for himself and his daughter that wasn't hers. Which implies that not only is he selfish and greedy, he denied the way she wanted her funeral and her family envisioned it. He wanted the money and he is sad that he is alone in his grief. He should be abandoned by everyone in his life. Except him and his freak of a family that really need to understand that they were insulting and need to honestly understand that they don't deserve the air they breathe.
It is not what your parents wishes that matter if they gave a crap about her, they would do what she wanted. They are the reason people hate religion
I have never seen someone so legit spit on their spouse's wishes like that. Like he had one duty at that point and he just said nah ill do what I wanna do. Literally makes my skin crawl.
This bitch sold his wife for money and asks if they're the asshole.
Thank God she's not alive to see what monster she had hitched her carriage to.
Oh wow, sounds like he doesn’t care about his wife’s wishes at all and is thinking how he can get most out of the life insurance. Her friends knew her longer and obviously care more about her. She didn’t want a church burial and viewing, what OOp is saying is that his late wife has no say in her burial, her wishes does not matter - only the life insurance and his parent’s wishes. Horrible man.
Something kinda similar happened to a friewnd of mine. She died young (not 26 but in early 40s). She was not religious but her hisband was an evangelical, she over the years she grew to hate that church and the hold it had over her husband.She had considered divorce for a year or two before her death but stayed with him. When she died her service was at the church she hated. It was awful. The preacher clearly didn't know who the deceased was and talked more about how to not go to Hell than our friend. A month or 2 later the friend group held a memorial at our place of work, a hospital w/a chapel, and a priest - who while she didn't follow his religion was familiar with her as he did his rounds through the hospital and he performed a secular service.
I hope karma bites him in the ass big time. Instead of honouring her wishes he stole her money for himself going directly against what she wanted he was sich an Asshole
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITA for telling my wife's friends and family they have no say in her funeral?
My wife passed away suddenly 2 months ago in a car crash, she was only 26. My wife's best friends J and B both insisted on being involved in the funeral process because my wife has given them specific instructions in the event of an early death. My parents however, offered to pay for the funeral if it was done in their Southern Baptist Church and she was buried. They said that it was better that way so I can use the life insurance money to buy a house for me and my daughter.
Here's the problem, my wife was not Christian or any denomination. Her friends told me that she wanted to be cremated, she didn't want a church funeral, she didn't want any flowers and she definitely didn't want a viewing. She wanted people to just let her rest and celebrate her life. My parents think this is a tacky way to mourn. I told her friends what my plans were and they were pretty upset with me. They got my in laws involved and my wife's brothers, her parents and her grandmother all begged me not to hold the funeral at a church.
I tried explaining to everyone that my parents are paying for it and they want it done their way. No one was listening to me though and after a few days of thinking it over I made a group text telling everyone that they have no say in how I plan my wife's funeral. Every one was upset. Nobody has talked to me since her burial. I'm upset because I feel like everyone left me to grieve by myself. I'm feeling like an asshole.
Edit: I already see some common question in this post so I'll get it out of the way, My daughter is not her daughter, we were only together for 2 years so we didn't really get a chance to discuss death and it made.me uncomfortable to do so.
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