Aitah for wanting to baptize my baby and husband does not want to?

My (27f) husband (28m) and I have been together for 5 years and married for almost 2. I’m 4 months pregnant now, and we’ve been at a disagreement about baptism and so on.

I was raised Catholic, honestly just culturally Catholic. We’re polish/Irish in my family so my mother made it a point to have us baptized/make communion/make confirmation. As a kid, I hated CCD, and as an adult I really don’t care about the CCD classes. But I still would like to baptize my child just for tradition’s sake. Maybe it’s the Catholic spirit within me, or maybe just some sort of familiarity, but I just want to.

My husband is not at all on board. For context, he is Korean American, with immigrant parents that are absolutely non-religious. He thinks baptism is a gateway to catholic schooling, which I’ve said I’m opposed to.

I don’t know if there’s a cultural aspect I’m not clued into that would help me understand, but my husband and I have had conversations about religion with the same understanding. Neither of us are religious, or believe in god. For me, the baptism is just a traditional thing, but he sees it as a stepping stone to full on religiosity. I get why overall, but not with me. AMITAH for asserting my views even when we both don’t believe in them?

in AITAHby throwawaycathprsn

44%

Celestina_Girlie

If you aren’t religious and don’t believe in god, wouldn’t it be hypocritical to baptize your child?

plien101

Had the same idea, when my ex partner an i talked about marriage one of his uncles said "if you dont marry in the church i will not come" great one less mouth to feed, i don't believe in god so i will not marry in a church, hoe would i be able to say the promise to a god i do not believe in. Same for a baptism, if my child wants to go to church when she can make the choice herself

ParkerPoseyGuffman

People who keep yo religious traditions like this without believing in the religion/god are even wilder than the ones who do believe lol

MyFriendsCallMeEpic

Why would you consider just baptising your child for the sake of tradition?
If you were into your religion then yeah
But for tradition? you know that sounds absolutely ridiculous right?

Lets go ahead and indoctorinate this child into the house of god
But lets not like actually make him go to church every sunday
Lets not even be religious our selves, we're just doing it because... tradition.

either you do it and be a good little christain/catholic
Or you dont and be like you've always been... a non believer.

JFC i cant believe i have to say this but
If you're not that into it, dont do it.

YTA

IamBertog

This

throwawaycathprsn

-26

It’s a family event generally. For baptisms, communions, confirmations, funerals or weddings (even if they don’t include the church). They’re mini-family reunions.

I’m not in the interest to “indoctrinate” my child into anything. I’m not religious, it’s just the fact that my family has tradition tied to religion that is a “given” so to say. My children, even with this kind of tradition, will be raised with the understanding that there is no pressure to their beliefs, and they will be exposed to more than just Catholic.

Hope that explains my point better maybe

ZedsDeadZD

Then make a new tradition or a new family gathering. Baptism is for religious people. Its not a cultural thing its a religious one. Period. Its ridicolous to go to a church to ask a priest to babtize your baby when it will never attend church.

That being said. I was catholic, baptized, all that stuff and still quit church. My wife teaches religion in school amd believes, so we had a wedding in church and our kid will be baptized. I dont have a problem with that cause I will raise him too and not lie to him about church or god. He is free to choose when he is old enough.

So, when you dont raise your kid to be religious, he probably wont be. I dont see the need to baptize him then, though. It is a very religious thing and if you dont believe in that you shouldnt do that cause its weird. They will pray and preach about gof and all that. Why would you do that if you dont believe. You said yourself that you hated it, yet you want to do the exact same thing to your kid.

Intelligent-Owl-5236

-1

Why does everyone keep saying baptism for Catholics? It's a Christening isn't it? Did I get raised in some odd alternate plot line where baptism is what non-Catholics do instead of confirmation but a Christening is what you do to pledge that you'll raise your baby in the church? Like Prostenants don't have the same steps so you only get baptized as a consenting adult in a lot of churches.

ZedsDeadZD

Yes christian. I just said I was catholic. My wife is a protestants. I think you can get baptized at every age but its common to do as a baby. Its that the baby is touched by god or something. For catholics it is/was a bigger deal. They baptized babies directly after birth when the kid had low chances of survival so it will get into heaven. Its ridicolous for an outstander but I dont want to judge religious people and their believes.

I still think its idiotic to do something religious out of tradition when you are a none believer. My wife believes and its important to her. Thats fine by me bit I also know shes no hardcore christian. Shes like everybody else but believes in god. I dont. Thats it.

SvPaladin

From what I remember, Catholic baptism is, in part, to "wash away the stain of original sin" that everybody is born with. Also vaguely recall that the pains of pregnancy are part of the punishment for Eve falling to the snake and grabbing the "forbidden" apple. Thusly, every birth is a result of the original sin, and needs to be cleansed before it can take the baby over.

Most "christian" religions view baptism as the first step in the religious journey, and therefore something to be done when older and "consentual", as the baptized is expected to follow the faith from that point on.

me101muffin

Here in Australia "Name Days" are a popular alternative to baptisms. You can have or make your own traditions without any mention of theism, or you can include whatever religious aspects you want (except ones that can only be performed by a priest I guess-- like you could still sprinkle with water and say it was for baby to join the family rather than the church).

yesimreadytorumble

throw a get together at your house if you want a family event. baptismis a religious thing no matter what way you try to spin it.

soyeah_87

Have a party for the baby at home then. Don't bring church into it if it's just for a reunion

Honestly, you're going to make your husband insanely uncomfortable with all the dogma that goes into baptisms. Especially when he has to make statements etc. The priest won't be happy that you've treated it like a party rather than a serious religious commitment, especially if he gets ANY inkling you have no intention of.actually raising the kid catholic.

Also don't you all have to attend classes to get the priest to agree? Hows THAT gonna go down with husband? It's not just rocking up and priest pours some water.

kam-possible

But it's not just a tradition. It is literally a religious ceremony. Solely religious in fact, there is no aspect that isn't a religious ceremony. Of course he doesn't want to do it. As someone not raised Christian I would also refuse.

Daughter_of_Dusk

If neither of you are religious, then baptism is pointless. If you want an excuse for a mini family event, just throw a party once they're born.

ufihS

YTA, if you are not fully committed, why even do it? Tradition is not a good enough answer

somethingstrange87

Someone once said that tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. Add that to the fact that you describe yourself as non-religious and frankly YWBTA if you baptized your child against your husband's wishes. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that having a religious rite performed without believing in it would be heretical.

Awkward_Bees

Do not baptize your child against both the father’s consent and the consent of the child. It’s literally in case baby dies so they’ll get into heaven.

You are marking them for God and it’s absolutely gross to do that against the consent of everyone involved, especially the tiny human. Nobody should be doing infant baptisms because those children get no say in that act; you are acting on their behalf.

If you aren’t religious, it’s a meaningless ceremony you want to do to have a party for the baby to be introduced to the family. There are more appropriate ways to do that which don’t strip a child’s autonomy from them.

LayaElisabeth

Yes, by baptising your child, without caring about the religion, you are taking a piss out of people that do believe..

Is your child getting a bar mitsvah in their teens? Gonna put a bindi on her foreve1d at marriage if you have a girl?

You are a multicultural family, you have to respect that, especially if you don't even value your religion. Talk to your husband and try to come up with a fun thing to celebrate for a reunion instead where his family may also show up, cause i'm guessing they won't for a baptism.

Sidenote: if your possibly religious family gives you shit for not baptising your kid (some religious people like to throw in your face that if your kid dies, they go to hell), tell your family what i told mine; any god that punishes an innocent child for the decisions of it's parents, isn't a god worth believing in.

CrabbiestAsp

YTA. Baptising your baby for traditions sake is the wrong reason to batize your baby.

grouchykitten1517

It's honestly kind of disrespectful to use a sacred ceremony for "tradition" if you don't believe in it. I mean I think it's all bull shit, but to the people this stuff matters to, baptism is kind of a huge deal.

star_b_nettor

YTA

The baby isn't just yours to make unilateral decisions. This isn't a health emergency that requires immediate choices and the other parent isn't able to be reached. Anything religious is a big decision. Also, with neither of you being practicing Catholics, will the church even do one? Maybe the one I went to with a friend for a year is more traditional, but my understanding was that at least one parent has to be active for the children to receive baptism, confirmation, communion.

Goidelica

I'm actual Irish. Don't do it for "tradition". It's not a native tradition to either country. Those people did almost as much harm to Ireland as the British, to be honest. If your husband is opposed to it, don't do it. I totally sympathise with his position.

EntrepreneurOk7513

This should have been discussed before marriage and pregnancy. YTA

Useful_Context_2602

There's no easy way for anyone to leave the Catholic church these days yet you are insisting on effectively enrolling your baby in this horrendous organisation without any say in the matter just because it's "tradition".

Have a naming ceremony, make your own traditions, some that respect your child's right to choose their own faith or none.

Sincerely, a resentful baptised Catholic.

So YTAH

Kafanska

It's a religious ceremony. The end.

It makes zero sense to agree that you don't care about religion, but then to want to do a very important religious ceremony. I know you only see it as a little traditional show, but for most people, religious or not, it's clear what it is and him opposing makes perfect sense.

You should make better traditions that reflect what you stand for.

Huge_Arm2583

what views are you asserting? you’re full of shit and hopefully your husband keeps this child away.

DespisedTurnip

YTA. There’s no timeline on baptism. With conflicting views of the parents it should be up to the child to decide if they want it when they’re older. Your wants and traditions are no more valid than his. I saw that as a child with a religious and non religious side of my family. If I found out I was baptized as a child against my wishes I’d be pissed off that it was done against my choosing, and felt like I was pushed into something I ultimately didn’t agree with.

Key-Flatworm1578

YTA

Baptize your child for the right reasons. Not for tradition. Don't be a hypocrite. Besides, shouldn't you have talked about this topic a long time ago?

soyeah_87

Yta. Let the kid decide when they are older.

Pretzelmamma

Ask the priest if he thinks it's merely "a tradition" I dint think his answer would be positive.

Have a naming ceremony instead, same thing but without the religion. You have a party, make some speeches, make a formal announcement of the name and then serve some food. All good, no god.

Helena_Clare

YTA. I’m a Catholic who converted.

When you baptize a child, you have to promise to raise your child in the faith, but you already indicated that you have no intention of doing that. So you start off lying to your child about what you’re going to do. Your husband and you will have to take classes to prepare for the baptism and you will have to hide your true intentions in the class. All of that seems like a poor way to start off as parents.

I love the idea of having a naming ceremony, that could be done wherever and with whomever you want, and to use that time if you want to make promises to your child about how you will love, nurture and support them. You don’t need a priest for that.

Later on in life, if your child wants to get baptized, they will be able to experience that sacrament for themselves as their own free choice. They haven’t missed out on anything.

Fit_Try_2657

It’s very common to baptize even if not religious, I went to many baptisms and none of those families are active church members.

On my own side I did not baptize my kids because it seemed hypocritical and something I would only do to please my parents.

(Most people use the excuse that they’re “giving their kid a choice” which makes no sense to me. Can anyone enlighten me on this one?)

If your husband wanted it too, I get it. Or if he thought, well Whatever. But if he’s not into it, you’ll have to let it go and find something else.

yesimreadytorumble

nevermind. YTA

Affectionate_Bar8887

People on this thread, and others, often mention that something is a "two yes, one no" and this should be included among those.

Dad is not religious, you admit to not being religious. You want a religious ceremony, Dad says No.

Ya'll can come together and compromise on finding something to do which cam be the celebration/family event that you are looking for without it being a baptism.

But Dad is gonna have to step up and start communicating and compromising, too. You guys are blending families and blending cultures and that requires effort on both sides. If Dad isn't willing to do things like this now, then future years of parenting and marriage are gonna be ...wild.

One-Lie-394

You're a crazy asshole.

maid_in_cheltenham

YTA. I understand your position because I have had (atheistic) friends in the same position who went ahead with the baptism and, frankly, I found it gobsmacking and ludicrously hypocritical. Nevertheless, I appreciate that the cultural pressure exists. Maybe you can look inside yourself and see if you really need this, or are you bowing to a stagnant tradition.

cachalker

Under the circumstances that you’ve outlined, YTA. You’re proposing to make a mockery of a Catholic rite. You don’t even believe in this, , but you propose to baptize your child into a religion for the optics of this? Catholic baptism isn’t a tradition…it’s a rite, like communion or confession. If you have no intention to raise the child Catholic, you should wait and let your child decide if they want to be baptized.

ParkerPoseyGuffman

YTA especially if you aren’t religious, this church is a very toxic one

Ouabe

YTA for having this conversation at least a few days / years / decades too late.

Enigmatic_Cherry

-1

NTA. It's understandable to want to continue traditions from your upbringing. However, it's important to communicate with your husband and understand his concerns. You could suggest a compromise, like a naming ceremony or other cultural tradition that feels meaningful to both of you.

throwawaycathprsn

-8

I’ve tried! I’ve tried to relate on a basis of tradition, but I guess his family never followed on such a thing, so he’s fully uninterested. No problem, obviously, but I think it’s hard for him to get why I’d want to keep doing something so “out of the way” if that makes any sense?

Obi-Juan_Valdez

Well, it's honestly hard for the rest of us to understand, also. I'm not religious, and my wife is "spiritual" but not part of organized religion. I'd have been pissed if she'd wanted to do this, as it seems like a sneaky way to introduce church to the family. YTA

Budget_Bookkeeper_59

-4

You're not wrong for wanting to baptize ur child for tradition. It's common even for people who aren't religious.

Glittering_Mouse2728

-1

I'm an atheist and honestly we baptize children in my family so that we could have a party, we don't really care about the religious aspect.

Chair1234567890

-2

I get you. Both my husband and I are atheists but for my mother’s sake we got my son baptized. It made her happy and I was surprisingly happy too just for all the traditional aspect of it.

However, if you’re not an active member of a church, you would have a hard time finding a church to do it. We kinda fudged the whole thing coz my son was in catholic school and they had to let us do it.

Complex_Storm1929

-4

NTA. I’m just like you. Not religious but raised catholic. Pretty much “cultural catholic”. I got baptized, first communion, and confirmation. I did the same with my kids pretty much out of tradition. I don’t see why your husband should care. I mean if you were planning on going to church every week and really raising your child religious then I would say your husband has a point.