AITAH for not helping my (32F) bf (31M) financially with his car after I told him not to sign the agreement?

NTA. He brings nothing to your table. This would be your life if you stay with him. He is counting on being able to bully you into paying for his car.

He's in his 30s, he's not a child. He knew what he was doing, he always expected you to pay for it. Fuck that, don't pay shit and end this relationship.

Get out before you’re married and he financially takes you down with him. If you showed him a budget and he can’t even make it 1 month in, in the future he will just drain the account for his wants. Marriage has a lot of levels, including financial compatibility. He’s too old to be acting like this.

NTA, it sounds like he signed for the car, figuring that when the chips were down, you'd come thru and pay. He's feeling the consequences of his own actions, and he's pouting. Is this really the life you want to live?

His mistake, his problem. Do NOT assist in any way financially.

He bought it after you pleaded with him not to for very valid reasons. Even created a budget to show him the numbers. With that, he did it anyway. It’s all on him. He made that bed, you are right to let him sleep in it, ALONE. You are definitely NTA. The moment you start forking over money for the car, it will never end. Stand your ground.

Don’t be with people who talk to you like that when you’re not a doormat. They don’t respect you. NTA

NTA

He's an adult now, time he realised.

NTA 100%. You warned him that you guys couldnt afford, and, like you said, you guys couldn’t afford it. It’s his fault for not listening to you and doing it anyways; you don’t owe him money for a mistake that he knowingly made.

Is this the guy who bought the 90k truck days before moving in together?

If so, you need to drop his ass.

My SIL did the same thing and my daughter will not help him. He figured because they are married she would get over it and have to help him pay for it but she refuses.

So he knew he couldn’t afford it but did it anyways, you told him you wouldn’t help if he couldn’t, and when he couldn’t and toiled refused to help, he got mad and insulted you? Is this the type of person you want to be with? I’m guessing he assumed you’d bail him out. Someone who verbally abuses you is no person you should be with. UPDATEME

NTA , JUST WAIT, if you were married YOU would be financially responsible for his horrible decisions Run

NTA.

Sounds like a him problem not a you problem. NTA

NTA. Hopefully your finances aren't intermingled.

Financial incompatibility is a major relationship killer.

Bruh bruh couldn’t even handle the FIRST payment!?🤣

Hell no! Now, what you need to do is leave him, because he is just a bf and can't make a good financial decision! He is not 18 years old. Mistakes at this age cause alot more problems than when you are younger.

NTA. He was manipulating you by getting the car while knowing that he couldn't afford it.

You can do better than that sort of person. Good luck.

NTA. He's a grown-ass man not a teenager, and you're his girlfriend not his mommy. He made his bed, now it's time for him to lie in it.

Don't give him a penny. NTA

People need to stop giving money to their bf/gfs. You're just dating. They're not a dependent. Their money is their problem.

Ok, so your over 30 boyfriend expects you to help pay for his car that you showed him he shouldn’t get and he is throwing a toddler fit? Yea… unless you want the rest of your life to be this, you should start seriously evaluating what he’s bringing to the table other than a Chinese revolution parade of flags.

And I’m guessing that this isn’t the first thing, it’s just the most recent that made you go, “what?”

NTA. And seriously spend some time on introspection of this relationship.

NTA - Did the budget, wouldn't work, you said please no, he ignored you. Now he's throwing a temper tantrum. It's time to let the overgrown child go because this will be your life staying with him. You're going to be miserable while he does what he wants. That's eventually going to turn into doing WHO he wants to do as well behind your back. He has zero respect for you and your opinions. Cut your losses and if it's your place he's living in, kick him out.

NTA. He's like men who baby trap women who don't want kids. They figure that you'll cave when the inevitable happens and keep it. He knew or suspected that you had enough money so you would actually give him the money when the bill came due. He's mad because his plan didn't work and you're not caving to keep his baby. 

NTA. What are you doing with this guy? You're in your 30s, do you really want to be with someone who disregards math and logic and does whatever he wants in spite of it?

NTA, never help fiscally irresponsible people with money. It reinforces that you'll bail them out from their reckless decisions. Let them learn an important life lesson now.

NTA. He sounds like a right twat

Nta why would you pay for his poor decisions? 

https://new.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1bsu2e4/my_bf_and_i_were_supposed_to_move_in_together_2/ 

You are not the only one in this situation.

NTA

NTA. Time for a new boyfriend!

NTA; you told him up front what to expect. Don’t bail him out of this bad financial decision. At 31 he should know better, this should be a reflection point on it you want to continue a relationship with someone so immature and self centered.

Nta

Name calling is thing to consider when you think about if you want to be treated like this for the rest of your life.

How did the dealership allow him to get a car if he couldn't afford it? Don't they check to make sure? They did when I bought my car.

NTA. Your bf is a child and him throwing a tantrum is just him playing mental games to guilt you into helping him. The dude is 31 yrs old and acting like he's 8. I'd think long and hard about staying in a relationship with someone like this. It's the definition of a "red flag".

NTA and rethink the relationship

you have child, not a man

Uuuhhh....NO.

NTA. Hold firm. No.

NTA! What an AH. You showed him that he couldn’t afford it and he did it anyway. He’s on his own. You aren’t married.

Is this the type of man you want to be with?

Salesman had a field day

NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

NTA. You gave him fair warning.

NTA.

This is a huge red flag, so you might need to reexamine your relationship.

You’re not his mother or his life long wife. I wouldn’t help, either. 🤓

NTA. He has signed it purely because he thinks you will cover and pay it, definitely don't

Break up with the loser.

So basically he figured he’d just punk you into paying for him. First it’s the insurance. Next it’ll be money for gas and then the car note itself. Or he won’t help pay the rent/utilities because he needs his money for the car expenses.

NTA

Nope, don’t do it. Do it once and you’ll be paying every time. He knew ahead of time he couldn’t afford it. The fact he got mad at you for his stupidity is showing his true character.

He is 31. Does he not having any savings? Have you gone over finances with him? Sounds like he doesn’t know how to manage his money at all. He’s a little old to not know how to make good financial decisions. Does he have a lot of debt?

The car will eventually get repossessed. The sooner the better really. Don't put any money into it and find a partner who can be responsible.

Girl. He yelled at you and verbally abused you for not working out your own cash for a car he was well aware he couldn't afford?

Why is his ass not on the curb? Cut this fucker off

NTA. It's his problem. Get out as quickly and cleanly as you can. He thinks he can bully you into financing his life at the expense of your own wants and needs. As others have pointed out, this will be your life from now on. You deserve better than this.

All the sweet words of love bombing in the world won't take away the crushing debt he'll pile on you if you stay.

If you're BF, is this stupid with money at 31, it won't be better at 41 or 51. You should leave.

I've seen it personally with many family members. Just go. Live your life and be happy.

Edit: Adding if he's yelling at you for his mistakes, it's going to get worse.

NTA if he won't listen to you now it's only gonna get worse the longer you stay together

There's no universe in which you're the a-hole here...

It's lo and behold, but otherwise zero mistakes, no notes. You made a rational, informed decision, told him exactly what to expect from your decision, and followed through on your word. If he can't figure out that you mean what you say, he's too stupid to be with you.

You should pay it. Pass the test. This is the first of many emotional and financial manipulations he will bestow on you in this relationship if you are worthy of him. May as well get used to it, or you will never be happy. Or, of course, you could just......

!updateme

Not your circus...not your monkeys

He bought the car anyway after you begged him not to sign the agreement to be because he figured that you would help him pay anything that he was not able to pay. So sad too bad this is going to be your life if you decide to go into the future with him. He bought something he couldn't afford because he figured he would be able to get you to pay for it for him you seem like a very smart and intelligent woman my question is make it make sense he knew he couldn't afford it and he did it anyway he can pay for it it's not your problem to figure out how

He needs to grow up. Remind him that it's his deal and you are going to stay out of it. He might want to break up about this if he's so desperate to have a car he can't afford.

Jeez DO NOT marry this guy as his irresponsibility will become a huge financial problem.

Leave and let him clean up his own mess because this will only snow ball

His plan was to grind you down until you agree to help to get his way all along. Dont marry the guy whatever you do

run

lo* and behold is the saying.

This is a huuuuuuge red flag. He's asking for help after 1 month? Oof.

NTA, he knew he couldn't afford it. you told him he couldn't afford it. And yet....he still did it.
He can lay int he bed that he made.

don#t get involved.

Hope you changed the locks before he got back.

NTA at all. You warned him but he went ahead and signed on a car anyway. He clearly thought you would bail him out and you're 100% right not to. His abusive behaviour is a major red flag. Tell him not to come back.

NTA

He needs to learn to live within his means.

You are not his parent to have to bail him out of stupid decisions, especially when you made it very very clear to him beforehand that a) he couldn't afford it and b) you would not contribute.

Stick to you guns.

And think hard about whether you want in a relationship is a manchild who refuses make sensible decisions. It doesn't bode well for the future.

NTA

You warned him prior that you wouldn't cover for him and have your own financial responsibilities to manage.

he knew perfectly well that he was about to put as much pressure on you as he could to make you pay for his car, that's why he went ahead with it even though he clearly saw that he could not afford it.

you'd be better off without an immature guy who gives zero shits about your opinion and berates and insults you when he can't manipulate you.

NTA you told him prior he couldn’t afford it & you wouldn’t be helping him going forward , don’t do it bc if you do it once you’ll be expected to do it all the time & he will never learn to live within his budget and you’ll always be bailing him out

Hey look it is my sister! "I know for a fact that this is not a good decision but I want it so I will do it because I know someone will bail me out."

Dump the hobosexual, for real

NTA. He knew he couldn’t afford it and was taking it for granted you’d cover it for him

NTA - Absolutely not.

“Listen, if you want to be mad at someone you need to look in the mirror. I told you couldn’t afford this. I told you before you signed those papers I was not going to help you pay for this. You signed anyways. You didn’t take me, my feelings or advice into consideration at all, yet you expect me, a month later to just do it anyways. No bro. You got yourself in this mess you were very clearly warned not to do. Looks like you maybe should add a second job, like Uber or Instacart so you can afford YOUR CHOICES. I’m not bailing you out of this and I still expect you to pay your half of the bills on time. I seriously can’t believe you thought I would just bail you out. Do you understand what this does to our relationship? You don’t get to be mad at me. Your selfish mistakes are your own.”

Definitely NTA. BF needs to pick up a second job until he can pay for the car. Of course, you know what's going to happen. He's going to be unable to pay his portion of your shared bills.

Emmmmm remind me again why are you with this guy that ignore ur opinions and insult you?

NTA. You sat down with him and SHOWED HIM a written budget. You physically showed him that he couldn't afford the car. This is classic FAFO. What did he think was going to happen?

NTA. Dude is an idiot. You should dump his irresponsible ass. You can't build a comfortable life with someone like that.

Why are you with someone like this? Do you like using crayons to explain stuff?

OK so IF you did pay today's payment, how is he going to repay you as he can't afford it. Next month he will be asking the same question and the next and the next.

He in fact just assumed that it would be a given you would pay anyway, regardless of you having pleased with him not to buy it.

Things will never change, no matter how many times you discuss things with him he will do his own thing any way. Totally expecting you to be ok with it. No matter what it is. That's not how relationships work.

Consent is in every aspect of our lives. You specifically didn't consent to his purchase but no he's trying to persuade you to change your mind. In other circumstances that would be abuse or rape.

Just put the situation in a different scenario to get your answer. Run for the hills where respect is given.

NTA
throw the whole man out.

NTA

NTA

You know this was a calculated move on his part right?

If you are on the same insurance policy you may need to pay to keep them from also canceling YOUR insurance. But other than that, youre good. Not your ranch, not your bullshit.

This is his toy and thus his responsibility.

His snapping at you and insulting you is nothing but him gaslighting you for his mistake. Girl, he's doing you a favor by showing you his true colors, now you need to figure out what to do with this information.

Nta. He knew the risks and did it anyways 🤷🏼‍♀️. That’s his responsibility to fix. He needs to learn it the hard way.

There was a story on Reddit recently where a couple was about to be married and the guy went out and bought an 80k pick up truck. He couldn't afford it and was counting on using some of her money.

They ended up not getting married.

Find a responsible boyfriend.

NTA, and he is merely experiencing the concluding portion of FAFO. He needs that full lesson. It's very easy; YOU said "no, we shouldn't do this" and "I am not doing this." Since he went and did it ANYWAY, he CLEARLY wants to do.it on his own.

More subtly, if he doesn't learn from this experience, DO NOT EVER COMBINE FINANCES WITH THIS MAN.