Update: AITAH for not telling my wife about an incident with her best friend

I wrote a post yesterday about an embarrassing situation that happened between my wife's best friend who is currently staying at our house. I was not sure how to bring it up to my wife and you guys really helped me a lot in understanding the urgency of telling my wife. I also got some cool ideas on how to bring up the subject without making it awkward for anyone. For everyone saying Ana was doing it on purpose, I did not agree with it as I am an extremely average looking person and woman don't chase me. However, things since last night have been just crazy and I think I am spiraling a bit. Sorry for the long post.

So, I decided to tell my wife last night as soon as she came home about the incident. I liked the idea of jokingly bringing up casually so that we both can laugh about it and then forget it. Last night, when my wife came home, I made sure I stayed in our bedroom. I asked Ana if she could stay with my kid downstairs. As my wife was changing, I asked her if Ana still borrow her clothes. Ana had to borrow them regularly when she first moved (long story). My wife told me yes and she has told Ana she can take anything from her closet if she needs it. I asked my wife if Ana told her about the funny incident from Friday. My wife said no, and I told her the whole story about how I came home early, and Ana came in the room almost naked to get her clothes, and how embarrassing it was for both of us.

As my wife was listening to this, she completely froze and turned pale. She started murmuring in Spanish (which is her and Ana's native language). I don't understand Spanish really well, but I understood the words "hombre casado" and "orta vez". I asked her if she is ok, and she sat next to me and asked me to explain everything in detail. I just told her it was nothing and she must have not heard me coming in. I was trying to laugh it off, but my wife had water in her eyes. I kept on telling her it was not a big deal, but she kept on asking me for more details. She asked me how Ana talks to me. I told her that Ana barely talks to me since she moved in except few words here and there.

My wife then asked me about three weeks ago when my wife had gone to visit her parents for four days. Ana did not want to go with her and stayed back. I told her that Ana was just acting normal. She or I would cook dinner after I got home from work while the other took care of the kid. The only thing different was Ana generally spending her evening in her room. However, when I was sitting in the living room watching TV after the kids slept, Ana came and sat on the sofa next to me but did not talk to me. I asked her if she wants me to change the channel or stream something she likes, and she just said she wanted to get out of her room. However, she did not flirt with me or do anything unusual. I kept on telling my wife that it was just an accident, and I really did not understand why she reacted so emotionally to it. My wife refused to answer and just said ok and agreed with me. However, she told me I should have told her about the incident sooner and should not keep any secrets from her and gave me a big lecture. I told her that I did not think it was a big deal and thought Ana would tell her, but glad I brought it up.

After dinner, my wife messaged Ana to join us, and she came out. While talking, my wife brought up the incident and told Ana that I mentioned about the incident, and she does not need to feel embarrassed. Such things happen when we are all in the same house and is not a big deal. Ana was firstly taken by surprise, but then told my wife she was just scared to tell her because she thought my wife would judge her because of her past. My wife gave her a stare, and she quickly changed the topic.

At night, I asked my wife what the hell was going on. I told her to please not keep any secrets from me, and if she does not tell me, I will directly ask Ana about what her past has got to do with anything. My first guess was Ana might have had a thing for me before we got married or something. But my wife was very reluctant to answer and kept on trying to change the subject and cuddle. However, I kept being persistent, and she finally spilled the beans.

Apparently, when Ana was in her early 20s, she was in relationship with a married coworker who was twice her age. It was a kind of sugar daddy relationship, and he told her that he was in an open relationship (or that's what Ana told my wife) and he would leave his wife in few years once the kids go to college. This makes sense now, because Ana is very pretty (like Miss USA level), and I never understood why she was single for most of the time I knew her. She eventually ended that relationship and started dating her boyfriend Jim, who turned out to be an abusive asshole. My wife said she suspects Ana was still involved with the older guy while in relationship with Jim, which explains why he kept on accusing her of cheating. That is why my wife became emotional when I told her what Ana did because she was worried Ana has no boundaries regarding married men. My wife said that Ana always looks up to us and praises me for being such a loyal partner and how lucky my wife is. My wife was a worried initially when she brought Ana home, but her actions from the time when my wife was away clearly show that she respects the boundaries, and it must have been an accident. My wife told me she is grateful I let Ana live in our house and observe what a healthy and happy marriage looks like.

Today morning was even more weird. I got up early as I could not sleep well and went down for a cup of coffee. After 5 minutes Ana walked into the kitchen and told me she was relieved my wife did not overreact to Friday incident. She said I am a good husband and gave me a hug and peck on the cheeks. She has never hugged me in the last 6 months. She seemed to be in a happy mood and was making small talk with me while having coffee.

I cannot believe my wife did not tell me such a huge detail about Ana for all these years. It's completely possible she cheated all through the relationship with Jim, and my wife is just covering for her all along. She even kept it a secret from me (after giving me a lecture about how we should never have secrets), and I don't know what else she is hiding. Everything just seems very confusing at this point. I feel angry at my wife for lying to me all these years for Ana. I also now see Ana differently. I am also worried that me trivializing the incident to my wife might have sent wrong signals to Ana.

in AITAHby ta-wife-friend

3.8K

93%

17d

Tundra-Queen8812

2.0K

17d

Ana needs to go before her own messed up issues lead her to further mess with your marriage. She was testing OP again with the hug and kiss on the cheek and I didn't see OP writing that he told his wife about that new development. She's gotta go before she pushes to the next level.

ta-wife-friend

1.0K

17d

Yes. I am also a bit mad at myself for trying to casually describe the event as some of the redditors advised and not talk about the fact that she was in the room for a lot longer. I was worried that my wife would be pissed at me. Now I wish I told her all the details and did not make it sound trivial. My wife now trusts Ana and I am getting more uncomfortable.

Tundra-Queen8812

580

17d

Your wife is married to you and from what you posted it kind of sounds like she has some mistrust feelings towards Ana already and is watching just to be careful. Sit down alone with your wife without any chance of Ana being around. Heck drive her to the grocery store or to get coffee or something alone, just the two of you and be TOTALLY honest with her and explain how uncomfortable you now feel. I am unassuming you want to keep your marriage intact which is why you even posted here. Listen to your gut and talk to your wife as soon as possible. And, don't give Ana (who I don't believe her babe in the woods routine one bit) a chance to try to gaslight your wife and tell your wife that you were coming onto her. You want to open the communication with your wife immediately so Ana can't cause any further issues and nip that in the bud.

Fair-Egg-5753

157

16d

Absolutely. I would avoid Ana like the plague... Don't be openly rude, just make damn sure you aren't alone with her AT ALL.

Of course, it could be wifey and Ana cooked this up as a test, too.

Ok_Constant_184

16d

That would be a yikes

Extra-Lab-1366

16d

As a latino man, this is what I immediately thought.

Practical-Pick3672

16d

Aye dios

heretobuyandsell

126

16d

This part stood out like a sore thumb

My wife then asked me about three weeks ago when my wife had gone to visit her parents for four days. Ana did not want to go with her and stayed back...The only thing different was Ana generally spending her evening in her room. However, when I was sitting in the living room watching TV after the kids slept, Ana came and sat on the sofa next to me but did not talk to me. I asked her if she wants me to change the channel or stream something she likes, and she just said she wanted to get out of her room. However, she did not flirt with me or do anything unusual.

Brother. Home girl was seeing if you'd make a move without the risk of jeopardizing her relationship with your wife and in turn her current living situation.

Plan A didn't work so she decides to "plant the seeds" and thus this incident.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but there's so many red flags here. I live alone and I have never needed to walk around naked in my house like that, I can't think of any circumstance that would warrant needing such a situation. And my place doesn't even have a washing machine.

Now consider that you've been graciously given a place to live with an entire family already in that home. Who on earth would have the audacity to walk around naked in someone else's home? Unless of course there was an ulterior motive.

[deleted]

16d

Exactly. When a woman walks around naked in someone elses's home with just a man around is because she wants to be seen. Maybe no have sex at the moment but an ego thing, she wants to be seen and appreciated. She wants you to desire her.

Street_Passage_1151

16d

Honestly, even if she isn't doing all of these, she still needs to leave.

I am a really forgiving person and I know people can change. But that doesn't mean you should put yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable for the benefit of others. I would not risk my relationship for this.

Niccels11

16d

This comment should be higher and have more likes.

mbcob

278

17d

Tell your wife now what happened. Ana is testing her boundaries. She needs to go before she ruins your marriage.

I would highly suggest getting cameras installed in the common areas so if your wife questions you then you have proof you did nothing wrong.

You are playing with fire and you’re about to get burned if you do not get her out your house.

Tailflap747

16d

When I read OP's comment about his wife muttering "otra vez", my brain went, ohshitohshitohshit...

OP, get that bitch out of your house.

BloodRed1185

16d

I'm assuming this is a fake story. OP is stringing us along. The hug and kiss on the cheek at the very end is obviously setting us up for a part 3.

aarplain

16d

Shut up. I’ve got my popcorn. I am entertained. Keep it coming.

Jodc1

16d

Next episode of " As La Casa turns" Ana is revealed as his long lost sister, wifey was actually the one in the relationship with the married man. And she has a love child named Alejandro.

Adversary99

16d

What he said ^{^} stfu. We need chapter 3!

princess_riya

124

17d

OP. What if you are home alone with Ana and she makes up a story to your wife that you acted inappropriately ?!? This is not a good situation. She needs to move out !

_jgusta_

17d

That’s what I was thinking! Wife still is trusting OP and every minute he doesn’t shut this down, the wife’s trust erodes. OP don’t be such a sleaze. Even this sanitized version is bad enough. And we all know you are holding back.

BeneficialNose5447

17d

Ana needs to go. Let your wife know like now

Organic-Date-1718

17d

I highly doubt your wife trusts Anna. She probably doesn’t want to look “insecure” or like a “bad person” if she told Anna to leave. Anna should be making arrangements to move out, she’s getting way too comfortable. Are y’all supposed to take care of her forever? And you are now starting to see what’s going on but continuing to turn a blind eye, you will be at fault too when boundaries are crossed. It’s almost like you like the attention from Anna now. Sometimes women get out of abusive relationships and will get latched on to the first decent man that pops into their life. She’s looking for a decent man that will take care of her. If you don’t tell your wife about the hug and kiss on the cheek, you’re a hypocrite. You’re upset for your wife “lying” and keeping things from you, but that information had nothing to do with you at the time. You kept the Anna incident from your wife and are trying to justify the hug and the kiss in other comments..

yaoikat

NSFW 🔞

17d

Can you like, tell Ana to stay the hell away? 💀

Raxsah

17d

Believe me, she doesn't trust her - she trusts you

Tell your wife about the hug and kiss and just be open about how you thought the other incident was nothing but now you have all the info, you're uncomfortable with how Ana seems to have changed her interactions with you

AutumnWysh

16d

Yes, report everything, as soon as it happens. Bc the longer she's there and the more you make light of things, the more comfortable she will get and the more she will push boundaries to see how far she can go. Then, she'll flip the script on you and make it your fault, telling your wife that it was you making passes all along and she just went along with it bc you threatened her place to live.

XImNotCreative

17d

Just a different perspective: maybe your wife understands that Ana is traumatized and wants to watch out for her and you at the same time. It sounds like she’s very clear that you and your family come first to her. But it also sounds like she wants to give Ana a fair chance and does not want to be bias due to the past.

I’d keep communicating with your wife, talking about this and how you both feel about it. If you feel uncomfortable with Ana’s behaviour, let her know in a clear and non judge mental way, perhaps even when your wife is present.

PhilosopherBudget463

16d

I think you know deep down exactly what Miss USA attractive Ana is trying to do. I say this because you spent most of your post trying to convince everyone including your wife how the topless incident was innocent. Even leaving out details to protect Ana. Sorry to break it to you, but If you could hear her room door open from your bedroom, Ana heard you making a snack in the kitchen. That incident was orchestrated to seduce you. So was sitting with you on the couch, and kissing your cheek in the kitchen. Woman like Ana (with no real family and always finding themselves in abusive relationships) are broken people and she will stab your wife in the back in an attempt to get this great life she thinks you guys have. Woman like Ana thinks you’re the catalyst that makes the happiness work. You need to go on a date with your wife and be honest before you lose your family.

The-Protomolecule

16d

Stop listening to Reddit and apply your whole brain to the situation.

Murky_Tale_1603

17d

Tell your wife that. She hid things from you which dictated your approach. If you’d had the full story from day one, you probably would have conveyed the issue differently.

It’s kinda on your wife for helping to create this mess you’re all in, and she needs to clean it up. It’s her friend and their secrets causing issues, not you OP.

mi_nombre_es_ricardo

17d

and Ana knows now your wife trust her so she has become bolder with her advances.

Non-sense-syllables

17d

OP, please for the love of god just tell your wife you want Ana to leave. Make it your choice, if your wife is already nervous about her she will be happy with this call. The cause of her stress is gone, and it was not on her. Take on the burden here and say you aren’t comfortable with Ana being in your home anymore. This is the only right course of action.

velma_420

17d

If she was really as embarassed as she claimed she's have RAN out. Not stay and chat about it. You are being so deliberately obtuse. Be a better husband.

purplechunkymonkey

16d

Tell your wife about the hug and kiss. Ana is testing the waters with you and how far she can go.

IndividualDevice9621

17d

So you didn't listen to the advice given and lied to your wife to downplay the issue. Now you get to live with the lies you told or you can come clean.

Huge_Negotiation_535

17d

Regardless of what Ana wants or not, the boundaries are, where you set them.

You have shown Ana, that you are are close with your wife by telling her about the incident.

The kiss on the cheek, is fairly common I wouldn't normally think twice about it. But under the circumstances I see why you would. However I dont see why you would worry your wife and strain your relationship with telling her.

There is no reason to be uncomfortable, nothing will happen if you don't want it to, so why are YOU worried.

I can see why your wife would be though.

TicketFuzzy2233

16d

Tell your wife about this morning and tell her how weird you found it as she has never hugged and kissed you before. She sees wife's response as an all clear and your down play as being interested in where this leads. Wife needs to know the new development ASAP.

4459691

17d

So you didn’t actually tell your wife the truth then?

Wow just wow.

Elegant_Bluebird1283

17d

I just don't know what the hell this guy is DOING, he's like the This Is Fine dog

Existing_Watch_3084

17d

No, you need to have a better conversation with your wife give her all the details how long it was and this new development and say maybe you were wrong and maybe there is something your wife needs to be concerned about

Zestyclose_Public_47

17d

You need to tell your wife about the hug and kiss. She can then make the decision about what to do

Thisisthenextone

776

17d

Buddy.

After 5 minutes Ana walked into the kitchen and told me she was relieved my wife did not overreact to Friday incident. She said I am a good husband and gave me a hug and peck on the cheeks.

Someone actually happy there wasn't a misunderstanding would not hug and kiss you.

She's pushing boundaries.

Ambroisie_Cy

16d

Exactly!

I'm from a culture where kissing on the cheeks is normal, even when meeting new people. But in this context? Hell no! If you live an ambarrassing situation like this with your best friend's husband, you don't go and kiss him on the cheek, nor hug him right after. Cultural thing or not, the context is important. And here the context tells us that Ana has indeed no boundaries with married men.

OP needs to tell his wife and explain to her he is beginning to feel uncomfortable with Ana around. And I'm pretty sure his wife will agree with him.

OP don't put your mariage in trouble by not speeking your mind. Your boundaries are as important as anyone else. And if you felt the need to tell us about this kiss and hug, this means it's bothering you (which is normal, it would bother me too). You need to do something about it.

Nericmitch

16d

Or it’s fake and tomorrow’s update will be her trying to seduce him

lost_library_book

16d

I, for one, have some popcorn in reserve.

Full-Friendship-7581

5.5K

17d

Uh, also tell your wife about the hug and kiss on the cheeks.

TW1TCHYGAM3R

1.9K

17d

This might be normal for some cultures but right after what just happened? That's a red flag.

balancedbreaks

1.4K

17d

This!! Ana is playing the long game. She has gotten away with everything so far. Now she will just keep pushing the boundaries. Of course, she will do it slowly so OP will think it was all unintentional.

VegetableBusiness897

484

17d

She is def testing the boundaries, working the edges.... To see how much she can get and how far she can go.

Can't belive OP didn't straight arm her across the kitchen...unless??

writingisfreedom

180

17d

This!! Ana is playing the long game

THIS.....OP and his wife a playing checkers while Ana is sitting there playing chess.

She's gotta,go

beaglemomma2Dutchy

17d

I’d have been packing her bags if I were his wife. Nope,nuh uh! NOT HAVING IT

writingisfreedom

17d

And never talk to me ever again and telling anyone who would sit still I had this human do this in my home.

DatguyMalcolm

16d

Exactly.

Time to send her somewhere else, wifey can tell her you need the house for yourselves etc or just be blunt and say you guys are not comfy

Business_Ad_8502

16d

But she’s “Miss USA level pretty”

writingisfreedom

16d

Which means she's used to getting her way

OP would be a fool to keep that woman in the house

popeculture

291

17d

I think OP kind of enjoys it a bit as well, considering Anna is miss-USA level pretty.

East_Personality4081

118

17d

Right?? I thought that comment was strange & totally irrelevant.

Kafanska

16d

Of course it's relevant.

[deleted]

136

17d

Of course. He is insecure, like girls don't chase me. Sooo this thrills him.

GarysLumpyArmadillo

17d

Yeah, he definitely should delete that.

redrose_27

16d

right and not once did he even compliment his wife. strange

knittedjedi

17d

Check OP's comments. Apparently the half-naked hug and kiss were okay, because the real issue is that she... spoke to him before he'd had his coffee?

Yeah nah, this has to be fake. No grown man is going to be that genuinely dense.

The hug and kiss was not the biggest issue as many of my wife's friends kiss on cheeks as a way to say hello. Ana also used to do it before, but this is the first time she did it in the last 6 months. Also, the weird part to me was her getting up early and coming and talking to me in a jolly mood in the morning. Generally, I like to have my coffee alone in morning before my kid gets up.

Calm_Cicada_8805

17d

I don't think he's saying it's weird that she talked to him before he had his coffee. It's that she got up earlier than she usually to talk to him at a time when she knew he would be alone.

DragonflySharp976

16d

Married men be pretty dense

PrideofCapetown

100

17d

Dude needs to install them cameras yesterday.

And wife is a total hypocrite for wagging her finger at OP for “keeping secrets” but not telling him the whole truth about Ana

Laxit00

17d

Cameras are the best idea...Ana won't know she's being recorded and any moves she makes show your wife. Ana should actually be making plans to move out as well to

HeartAccording5241

17d

Her never doing it before is a red flag don’t let her do it again also you need to talk to your wife and if there is anymore secrets now is the time to say them

Calypte_A

205

17d

I'm from the same/similar culture. I can confirm It is weird for her to go and hug and kiss him given the circumstances. He's her friend's partner, not a personal friend. She should respect the relationship.

User deleted comment

17d

zendetta

17d

Uhm— does it say she was half-naked during the peck? It’s not there now.

User deleted comment

17d

zendetta

17d

Thanks

ta-wife-friend

126

17d

To clarify, let's not sensationalize this. She was not half naked, I said she was in her bed clothes which was a long tshirt and shorts (I guess)

icametolearnabout

307

17d

It's time for ana to find a new place, bro

chrmd101

112

17d

Ana is a well known homewrecker and Op is loving it your poor wife I dare you to show your wife these posts then come back and let us all know 🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

Niccels11

230

17d

Whether you’re average looking, model worthy, the troll living under the bridge there are people who purposely go after married folks. I guess you’re going to have to learn this on your own. Go ahead and beat your head on that brick wall because you’re being set up. Ana is in the room already playing chess and you’re still learning how to spell checkers.

Get Ana out of your house.

Guilty-Web7334

17d

Yup. I had a friend who cheated with my husband. I suspect my being completely and utterly secure that my husband would never cheat on me was like a challenge or something. :/

GuaranteeComfortable

17d

This is the only appropriate answer.

Fit_Lemons

197

17d

If I find a friend giving my husband a peck on the cheeks after walking in naked into OUR room she’s getting dragged, no question asked. Your wife need to know it doesn’t matter if she was clothed or not.

Sweaty-Pair3821

17d

Yeah any woman kisses my man’s cheeks and I go for blood. Especially half naked. Reverse this op. How would you feel if a man was doing this to your wife?

sparkleglitterfire

17d

Look. I am Hispanic and kissing on the cheek is the norm. But in this situation to me it doesn’t sound right. It sounds like she is making small moves so you don’t notice or are more pliable for the big moves later. Cut off physical contact since you guys haven’t had any at all until she just did what she did. It’s ok to block and I advise that you do the next time she tries to hug or kiss you on the cheek.

One-Comb2574

127

17d

There’s just no way that you’re this naive. Your wife’s friend needs to move out, like yesterday. Unless you actually like her attention and are attracted to her.

I just can’t believe that any of you thought it was appropriate for you 2 to stay alone in your home for (I think) 4 days while your wife visited her parents.

Possibilities going on here….

You’re a troll

You’re naive beyond belief

You’re just stupid

Your wife is naive, stupid, and/or blind regarding what her friend is doing

Combination of the above

User deleted comment

17d

chrmd101

17d

I just forwarded this post to my friend and she’s txt me that Op is FUCKING loving this 🤦🏻‍♂️

One-Comb2574

17d

☝️☝️☝️☝️

InvectiveDetective

17d

Yep. If this is real, OP is pretending ignorance because he’s getting off on the fact that a “Miss USA level” pretty woman is into him. He needs to admit it to himself and boot her out.

OP, she doesn’t actually want you, you cretinous toad. She wants what your wife seemingly has—a good, faithful man—and she thinks she can get it by stealing you. Except, of course, if you let yourself be seduced, you will no longer be that upstanding man. You’ll be another statistic who threw away his happiness with both hands for his ego.

And Ana probably also thinks she’s entitled to your steadfastness, and deserves it in a way your wife doesn’t—after all, she’s pretty. But while she will see your fidelity as her due, don’t for a minute imagine she will treat you in kind.

And to tell your wife about all of this like it was an amusing story? Really? Oh my god, what a scream. It’s like if your wife started riding your model best friend’s giant cock. Isn’t that a knee-slapper? I know I’m rolling on the floor laughing.

Ibba60222

17d

Seriously, how can he be so blind, unless he likes it.

One-Comb2574

17d

That’s what I’m thinking. I can’t believe that he and his wife thought “Hey, it’s totally cool if OP and wife’s single friend stay alone in our house for a few days. What could happen?”

DifferentManagement1

17d

He loves it. Did you see how hard he pushed his wife for details about Ana’s past? He’s obsessed with her

superlost007

17d

‘Maybe she used to have a thing for me!’ Lmfao this guy

Clean_Wolf_2507

17d

Dude is clearly on cloud nine here and savoring it.

popeculture

17d

Miss USA level pretty girl who was abused. Who wouldn't have sympathy. /s

East_Personality4081

17d

Having someone of the opposite sex room with your family & being alone with them isn't inappropriate. Having THIS WOMAN room with their family & the husband being alone with HER is inappropriate, & it's baffling to me that his WIFE thought it would be fine, given the circumstances.

Kassiesaurus

17d

You are blind to the red flags flying in your face, my man. You need to tell your wife. Things are advancing and you're either too naive or too dumb (or too eager) to see that.

Ambitious_Policy_936

17d

So, did you tell your wife about it yet?

Useful_Experience423

17d

For pity’s sake. I was the commenter that told you she was after you on your last post and spelled out exactly why. I agree with r/balancedbreaks - she tested boundaries and got away with it. No wonder she’s so freaking happy! She’s shown you the goods and is now trying to normalise physical contact.

Watching a happy marriage in action is exactly what’s driving her obvious-to-everyone-but-you dirty little scheme. Wise up, get some self esteem and tell your wife to do the same.

It’s been months already! Ana needs to go if you want to come out of this with your marriage and reputation intact.

pickensgirl

17d

I would say that you should sensationalize this a bit. By that I mean that you need to understand something. If this woman is making a play for you then she does not care about your marriage. Or about the impact this could have on your child. Or how this will break your wife’s heart. Or the long term consequences for you.

She is thinking about herself. She is actively planning to do something that could cause extreme harm to the connection you currently have with your wife and child. All for the sake of her own feelings and what she wants.

If this is the case she is not your friend. She, most certainly, is not your wife’s friend.

This isn’t just you being crazy. Or Reddit users pulling things out of thin air. There is enough evidence here to make this all incredibly suspect.

You need to understand who you have in your home. You need to act accordingly.

If a snake slithered in the door you would waste no time in removing it. You would gladly put all energy and resources towards its removal.

Well, there is very strong case to be made that there is a viper in your home.

There is such a thing as overreacting. There is also such a thing as under reacting. This not a situation where you want to under react. The stakes are too high.

Duke-of-Hellington

17d

I think it would be very smart of you to tell Ana in no uncertain terms the next time she tries to touch you or be inappropriate IN ANY WAY that this stops now and she needs to clean up her act or she’s out the door. Anything that even gives a whiff of impropriety is 100% unacceptable from here on out.

Silent_Syd241

17d

Ana is going to set your ass up and before you even realize it you will be in divorce court because you are being way too naive. Get that woman out of your house. Tell your wife about the hug and kiss.

4459691

17d

Your original post said topless and just in underwear.. which is is basically naked You are loooooving Ana’s attention.

Please

MischiefPenguins

17d

Hey friend, early 30s woman here. Long shirt and shorts (you guess) is a bad sign. When I visit friends I bring pants. I may not wear them to bed, but you bet your wallet I'm switching to them before I leave the room or get out from under the blankets on the couch. My friends do the same. It's purely put of respect for my friends, not because I expect their husbands to creep on me.

The fact that you couldn't see her shorts reads as a bad thing. It's supposed to make you question what's underneath. Is it shorts? Panties? Nothing? Women's literature often portrays oversized (his) shirt and almost nothing else as the sexiest thing a woman can casually wear.

(To ward off trolls: we wear shorts and skirts and swim wear in public and around each other. It's specifically nightwear that gets this connotation. We've never discussed this. It's just something that has always been done.)

[deleted]

17d

You sure love defending Ana don’t you ?

ashelover

17d

So do you want Ana or not? Because if you don't, you need to shut this down.

AskAJedi

17d

Next time your wife asks you to explain something in detail, don’t keep derailing the question and say it was no big deal.

Traditional_Lab1192

17d

Dude it’s time for you to suggest that Ana start looking for her own place.

biteme717

17d

There will be major issues in your marriage and home life now. Tell the friend in front of your wife to please cover up in your presence. I would also ask your wife if she was covering up and helping her friend cheat.

[deleted]

17d

He loves the attention that’s why he’s keeping things to himself. If he had any ounce of respect for his wife he would have told her immediately all of this and to ask her to please be more respectful in front of him

misschele1024

17d

I went back and re-read the last few paragraphs multiple times to see if I missed something. I don’t see anywhere where it states that Ana came downstairs half naked and gave him a hug and kiss. Soooo what am I missing?

Niccels11

17d

This dude is… string has more common sense!

Music_withRocks_In

17d

The OP: I'm not gonna tell my wife her friend walked into my bedroom naked - it's no big deal

Also the OP: I feel deeply betrayed my wife didn't gell me private information about her friend and I feel lied to.

Like dude, we told you it was a bad idea, your wife told you it was a bad idea, and now you are upset with HER? You still have not admitted you majorly screwed up.

jupitermoonflow

16d

Yup there’s a huge difference.. wife didn’t tell him something personal about her friend that had absolutely nothing to do with him, what he wanted to keep from his wife absolutely concerns her.

Bencil_McPrush

745

17d

I can never process spouses who think it's a smart idea to keep silent about these "incidents".

Don't you realize that the longer you dwell in secrecy, the less innocent you will look and the worse your spouse will react when they finally find out?

Zephyr9x

128

17d

That goes for both of them: if the wife made sure to inform OP sooner about the kind of person Ana is, these escalations could have been prevented altogether.

Salty_Interview_5311

122

17d

It’s clearly time for Ana to move out. I suggest you talk it over with your wife to set a date. Then both of you sit her down and let her know. She needs to know that this is coming from both of you.

Then be very careful to not be since with Ana. If that’s not possible, have video cameras recording in your bedroom and the living room. That should help a lot in case of any incidents or accusations.

Fattenkatten

472

17d

ANNA NEEDS TO GO.

she has upped the ante and has escalated to physical contact with you, KISSING YOU and hugging you.

you need to immediately tell your wife and tell Anna she has to go. if you hide this and don't tell your wife asap, Anna will do more and your marriage may be destroyed. this is not innocent.

tonidh69

468

17d

Probably ought to set a timeline for Ana to move out. Sounds like a powder keg. But also sounds like it could be true that it was accidental. Not sure I'd be mad that the wife didn't tell earlier, but prob should have when she moved in. It wasn't her story to tell, until she moved in. More communication. Maybe cameras? Seems extreme, but whatever makes things more comfortable.

Salt-Lavishness-7560

253

17d

It’s not accidental.

Who the hell is a house guest who strolls around the home wearing nothing but panties AND opens the door and strolls right in to the master bedroom like she owns it.

Oh but she needed to borrow some clothes! She has no job and nothing to do all day but we’re to believe she couldn’t do her laundry??

My tired butt.

No accident. Ana is shopping for a new sugar daddy.

Ana needs to goooooooooo.

StepFew3094

17d

I dunno I’ve been known to do a naked strut to helicopter to myself in the mirror in the family home when I think I have the house to myself

AffectionateWay9955

17d

In your own house.

Not as a guest

upsetti_spaghetti23

166

17d

Seems to me like she's testing how much she can push boundaries and if she can get her best friend's husband to sleep with her. Shut the shit down and tell her to get out.

Adept_Ad_473

115

17d

Oh cringe.

Here's some red flags: You making light of the situation

You downplaying the situation with "no big deal"

You dismissing and invalidating your wife by saying you "don't understand why she's being emotional"

Your wife lecturing you about keeping secrets and then getting caught keeping secrets

Ana giving you hugs and kisses when your wife is not around

It also appears you and your wife are in some kind of moral conflict about Ana. You are both risking an infidelity situation or at minimum an erosion of trust for the sake of helping a person in need. While altruistic, it doesn't sound like either of you are equipped to do this without risking the entire marriage. Your update is really driving home the point that either way you look at it, this is a stupid decision.

I think it's time you start setting up an exit strategy with Ana, before you are left with no choice but to make an exit strategy for your marriage.

It sucks, but I think any reasonable person would agree that your marriage should come before charity.

dontask1992

16d

THIS!! Not understanding why she is emotional sounds very ignorant and dismissive. That statement really set me off.

JuiceFuzzy1040

17d

Ana needs to go….

PolygonMan

17d

"After what you told me, I no longer feel comfortable having Ana at the house. I wish you had told me before we invited her to stay with us. I'm upset that you didn't prepare me in any way based on what you know of her past, that was not fair to me. Of course it would make sense to not bring it up under normal circumstances, but she was coming to live with us. I deserved to know. I would like to give Ana 30 days notice to move out and find a new place."

Then go buy a few cameras and set them up to protect yourself.

You've been underselling Ana's behavior even in your post here, much less when talking to your wife. Your wife's disclosure about Ana's previous behavior gives you a convenient (and true and real) excuse to get Ana out.

SuperHistory1636

16d

Camera's would probably be taken the wrong way too. Esp if they catch Anna flaunting her naked body through the house. If that doesn't give OP the temptation to check the footage to see Anna naked again, it'll at least add more doubts to the wife for the real purpose of the cameras.

SwimmingJello2199

202

17d

Have not heard one thing about your wife's appearance but definitely a few comments about how hot her naked friend is......

Consistent-Tip-7819

17d

Honestly, he's made it overly clear how careful he's being to make sure nobody thinks he has ill-intent. She might have just been feeling happy and healthier after they have been communicating more and time is passing with her ex, and so gave a common traditional peck on the cheek. OP is possibly reading way too much into it and is spun around because she's so hot. Idk, but there's a vibe to this tale.

CarcosaDweller

17d

You waited 5 days to tell your wife, then tried to play it off like it was nothing. Which it may have been…if you hadn’t waited 5 days.

Your wife hasn’t been upfront with you about the person she has brought into your home and is now trying to downplay her own concerns(which seem well founded).

It’s time to cut the bullshit on both sides. Sit down and have a real conversation. Stop trying to be peacekeepers and just be honest.

Also, this has been said a lot, but I get the feeling you need to hear it again since she’s just sooooo pretty: ANNA NEEDS TO GO.

ESH

Elegant_Bluebird1283

17d

It's like he's making special trips to Home Depot just to buy more rakes to step on

Customdisk

17d

NTA but I think your marriage is probably worth more than this slapper

haikusbot

17d

NTA but I think your

Marriage is probably worth

More than this slapper

- Customdisk

^{I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.} ^{Learn more about me.}

^{Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"}

YourWoodGod

17d

Fucking good bot this was an awesome haiku

Customdisk

17d

I'm poetic

astaristorn

17d

Dude’s living in a telanovela

Medic1642

17d

This show sucks. I'm changing the channel.

sailorelf

17d

So why is Ana still living with you? Now she’s hugging and kissing you. This is a bit weird. Why don’t you both put on a united front and tell her friend to go live somewhere else if you want to stay married without drama.

littlebitfunny21

17d

She said I am a good husband and gave me a hug and peck on the cheeks.

You inmediately told your wife about this right???????

fe-ioil

17d

Based on what you've shared in both posts, it seems to me Ana is now flirting with you and testing your responses. Consciously or unconsciously, she is acting out towards you, and it will only escalate. I don't know anything about this person other than what you've written, but even beautiful women can have very low self-esteem, and while we don't know everything there are some not great choices on her part in her last 2 relationships. She could, again with awareness or not, be seeking your validation as a man, perhaps even specifically as a married man, even if she doesn't want to hurt her friend. Chasing that validation hit can be just as strong as any drug, especially for someone with low confidence that needs/craves external validation. That hit/high is fleeting, so instances to get it increase, and boldness increases as well. I don't know if that is Ana's game or intent, but please protect yourself, your wife, your child, your family, your home. Definitely tell your wife about this new occurrence if you haven't already, and discuss a timeline with her for Ana to move out. In my experience, there is no going back now that things are to this point, and it will only get worse for everyone.

Also, I do not agree that you joked and so casually blew off the first incident when discussing it with your wife, while also blowing off your wife's feelings in response to the information. To me, it read very, 'I tripped and my dick slipped in, haha so innocent and funny right.' Only it didn't get that far (yet). Seems to me you were trying to cover up your guilt and paint a story, rather than letting the facts speak for themselves. But I'm just some dodo on reddit

Duke-of-Hellington

17d

Some very wise dodo on reddit. Great advice

fe-ioil

17d

Thank you, interwebs stranger

Oblique9043

17d

Best comment here. Also, women like this subconsciously want to destroy good healthy marriages because they know deep down they can't have one and her being witness to one every day would remind her of that fact.

[deleted]

17d

he's already into it. He also testing the waters himself. Cheating is bound to happen soon. LOL

Impressive_Shine_156

16d

I think from his delay of telling his wife and taking these incidents lightly, he is enjoying the attention.

Cheating drama is just around the corner, so I am only here for that.

shesavillain

17d

Why are they both so dumb? Anna knows what she’s doing, slick ass bitch haha.

Elegant_Bluebird1283

17d

Doesn't even sound like she needed to be slick, considering how little these two seem to trust each other

SouPNaZi666

17d

This seems fake the more I read...

Davido400

17d

What Miss USA level looker Ana?

[deleted]

17d

First, Ana stood in your doorway for 2 effing minutes topless supposedly apologizing or some shit. THATS A LONG DAMN TIME DOE HER TO JUST STAND THERE. She should have immediately ran back to her room and put dirty clothes on. Then apologize!!

And you sat there for HOW LONG staring at her tits?!

And then you turn around and describe Ana as Miss USA gorgeous.

I’m fucking glad you’re not my husband. You’re a moron who stared for way too long at gorgeous girls tits as she proudly displayed them for you. And then have the audacity to describe Ana as basically the most gorgeous thing ever and say that your wife is beautiful TO YOU. And she has a great personality. Fuck that.

Next update is gonna be, whoops I slipped and my dick fell in Ana, how do I explain to my wife that it didn’t mean anything? And hopefully your wife will leave you and find someone better, someone who will describe her the way you describe Ana. Or who at least won’t go around thinking that about other women who are currently living with you!

And Ana?! She’s a home wrecker whore who apparently doesn’t have a moral bone in her body. She loves the married man bit. She’d love taking you from her friend… just to show that she can.

Ok-Season-3433

17d

Dude, her giving you a peck and a hug is a MAJOR red flag and you need to tell your wife.

Quiet-Hamster6509

17d

I'm sorry but your wife lying about what? Ana's relationships? They weren't hers to tell and she hadn't tried to steal any of your wife's boyfriends.

Tell your wife about the kiss and hug but Ana's past is barely a past.

[deleted]

17d

Dude, dude, dude....

She hugged and kissed you? If she doesnt go now, you are heading for a divorce.

Solid_Seb

17d

Well that took a turn lol. Keep the honesty goin and tell your wife, and be better about boundaries with Ana. A cheek kiss can be completely platonic in a lot of Spanish cultures, but still best to say something since your wife seems wary.

Chemical_Nebula_6869

17d

I'm Spanish and we don't hug and/or kiss each other in these situations or in general that much. Only when we meet with someone or are being introduce to someone, that's it. As a Spanish, I found her hugging and kissing him weird, specially given the first incident and the new information about Ana.

If I were OP I'd also tell his wife immediately and make Ana leave. She's not good news.

ta-wife-friend

17d

I agree with the hug and kiss part here. It is not uncommon for my wife's friends to kiss me on the cheek when they meet me. I am not from that culture, and initially used to make me uncomfortable. But, something about today morning with Ana waking up so early, coming down in her bed clothes and sitting with me rubbed me the wrong way. I am not able to point out exactly what, but she was acting differently (for a lack of better word, she looked happy for the first time since she moved into our place).

Full-Friendship-7581

100

17d

Tell your wife!!!

Zhorie-Rove

17d

TELL YOUR WIFE, MY GOD

No-Cook7731

17d

Genuine question, do you want to be with your wife? Do you want to be married to her? If so you really need to discuss this all more, tell her everything and how your feeling.

Tfuentexxx

17d

See, Ana now knows you downplayed the incident (defended her) when telling about it to your wife. Now she thinks you did it to protect her or she is maybe thinking you are interested in her. You are getting into deep shit here my friend. I suggest cameras and telling your wife the true this time, telling her that if she had told you Ana's story from the beginning you would have known how to react better. You wanted to downplay the incident to protect your wife's friendship, but now this is going to bite you in the ass. Your wife should have been more honest with you since the beginning and should stop the double standards asking you to not hide things from her, when she is the one hiding very important information regarding someone who is living in your house. I don't trust your wife.

Bob--Kazamakis

17d

Bro your gonna end up divorced. Ana's about to blow up your marriage then move on to the next married dude, and your dumb enough to play that game and be left with nothing. I hope you and your wife make enough for her to take you to the cleaners when this is said and done.

TheLeoScribe

17d

She got away with her first attempt to seduce you and now she feels emboldened. You need to tell your wife and if you value your marriage tell Ana she needs to start looking for another place to live. And from now on the second something happens with Ana that might be even the tiniest bit flirtatious you need to tell your wife. You are feeding into her belief that she has a chance with you by keeping quiet and allowing it to happen. If she comes close to you back up. If she tries to touch you firmly tell her that as a happily married man you think it’s disrespectful to be touched by another woman. Don’t allow yourself to be alone with her. The only way out of this with your marriage in tact is you shutting down any interaction with Ana the second it happens.

SunnyPatchFriends

17d

She’s happy because you chose the dumbest advice given to you and downplayed the situation to your wife. She saw that as you defending her. Now that your wife isn’t suspicious, she’s going to continue pushing boundaries until “Oh no, I don’t know how we ended up in your guys marital bed together!”. That or she’ll accuse you of trying to sleep with her. Either way she’s trying to ruin your relationship and so far you’re letting her. Unless you like the attention and want to fuck Ana, I see no reason for you to keep these suspicions to yourself. Tell your wife NOW and kick the parasite out.

Alexandaer_the_Great

17d

All of this aside, even the weird hugging and kissing, Ana needs to go now. Didn’t you say she’s been with you guys for 6 months? Is she even looking for jobs, trying to sort her life out? “She can stay as long as she needs” is a nice sentiment and all but nobody actually means that, especially if it’s pushing a year lol and she’s not even family.

ivy5kin

17d

This story smells fake. Anyone else get that impression? It's just how it is set up for the next update where all the crazy stuff go down.

DrNogoodNewman

17d

Just wait for the next update when Ana’s evil (and even sexier!) twin shows up…with Jim and a brand new baby!!!!!

OrganizationSecret98

17d

You need to tell your wife about the hug and kiss tonight and STOP DOWNPLAYING THIS! Ana is not doing these things by accident. You know her past now, you have to see how these things are not normal misunderstandings. Talk to your wife. Be blunt, no more trying to not hurt her relationship with Ana, Ana is working on destroying both her relationship with your wife and your marriage all by herself, stop letting her get between you guys. Next time Ana walks in half dressed SHUT HER DOWN. Tell her you are not interested. Unless of course you want to have a co parent relationship instead of a healthy marriage.

User deleted comment

17d

Alternative-Fee68

17d

This sounds like it’s going to turn into a Jerry Springer episode..

GET ANA OUT ASAP!!

Update us after you tell your wife about the hug and kiss

🙏🏼RIP JERRY

iknowsomethings2

17d

I don’t think your wife kept Ana being with a married man a secret from you, it wasn’t her information to share or relevant at any point. Also your wife probably wanted to stay out of it ‘not my monkey, not my circus’.

For the hug and kiss, tell your wife. It has also been 6 months, it’s time for Ana to work on a plan to move out of your house. Don’t let her presence affect your marriage.

Ok_Intention3920

17d

Okay, so this definitely is an adult movie with an extremely long introduction sequence. I wasn’t sure before, but now I am.

I never understand when they put excessive character development and “plots.” Like yes, a quick 90 second thing to setup the surprise (oh no, step plumber! What are you doing?) before the threesome is okay, but this is like a very long movie at this point.

velma_420

17d

Bro, it is time for Ana to LEAVE. First off you out your own attraction to her by saying how you don't think she would be interested in you because you are plain and she is "mis USA level" and she clearly has no boundaries for married men. She knew you were home when she walked in topless, and she keeps bringing it up in hopes of seeing your reaction. The hug and the kiss are WAY over the line. She needs to be gone like yesterday.

and you'd better tell your wife about the hug and kiss too. I would HOPE you learned your lesson by now but you sound a tad slow on the pick up...

Aggressive-Sample612

17d

Wow very clear that you have not learned anything since the initial post

Ok_Ring_3261

17d

Wait…. WHAT? You are mad at your wife? I call bullshit!

PhilsFanDrew

17d

You need to talk to your wife, tell her about Ana's escalation and come up with an exit strategy for her. She needs to go ASAP.

ChrisInBliss

17d

ummm.. i know you think this is finished BUT PLEASE TELL YOUR WIFE ABOUT THE HUG AND KISS ON THE CHEEK!! Mainly because its out of character for her ITS VERY VERY ODD....

Viciousbanana1974

17d

It is time for Ana to find her own place. The whole thing sounds like she is feeling things out. Tell your wife about the hug and kiss.

MermaidCurse

17d

OMG, you still have an Ana problem in your house and relationship, she's just became bolder about it. Prioritize your marriage now.

AgreeablePhoto8354

17d

Obviously fake story.

ArsenalSeven

17d

You need to get Ana the fuck out of your house or you are headed for divorce. She is scheming for you dumbass. I guess you don’t give a Fuck since Ana is so beautiful. Your poor wife.

Smooth_Ad4859

17d

You must again tell your wife what she did because she should avoid you rather than hugging and kissing you. She needs to go. Tell your wife, this is unnecessary drama and it is awkward as hell and the situation makes you uncomfortable. Helping a friend in need is a noble thing to do but what matters is your wife, kids and family. Please kindly ask your friend to find some place else.

Leather-Lab8120

17d

"Fish and Visitors smell after 3 days."

Founding father Ben Franklin

RedSAuthor

17d

Your wife not telling you about Anna’s past is not a big deal. That’s Anna’s past and you are not in a relationship with her.

However, you better tell your wife about that hug and a kiss and face the reality: Anna needs to go.

Kratos3770

17d

YTA, you caused drama where you didn't need to.

planteatr

17d

I'm still not convinced she didn't walk in the room on purpose....

BeseptRinker

17d

Okay, I thought this was decent and everything was behind you two.

Until I got to the hug and the peck.

You gotta talk to your wife again, dude.

Updateme!

Commercial_Yellow344

17d

Definitely not good things happening. If your gut is telling you to be uncomfortable especially with the hug and kiss, take your wife and son somewhere and have this discussion TONIGHT! Tell her you’re feeling increasingly uneasy. Not telling her before work is just a limited time issue when it wouldn’t have been good to try discussing this morning. But tonight you have the whole evening before you. Don’t even ask Ana to watch your son. All 3 of you go somewhere Ana isn’t and talk.

Cursd818

17d

So, you tell your wife about the hug and kiss at once, and tell Ana that boundaries are important. She never goes in your bedroom, she doesn't have private conversations with you, and you don't feel comfortable being touched by her. And there needs to be a discussion about when she's leaving. Which needs to be soon.

spouts_water

17d

Boundaries my dude. She is trying to make butterflies in your stomach. Miss USA level very is intoxicating. I would not trust myself with that level of temptation.

Adorable_Pudding921

17d

Yo I read your story yesterday. Bruh. Don't fucking trust Ana. Tell your wife immediately that she hugged you and then kissed your cheek and that she needs to leave.

She is glorifying your relationship with your wife and is probably hoping you will treat her the same way 🙃 and the amount of people who once they get rejected go running to the spouse and twist it so that you came onto them.

Be proactive about this so you don't have to do damage control in the future

Still-Preference5464

17d

YTA you still haven’t been fully honest about the whole situation with your wife. You’ve described how beautiful Ana is multiple times but describe your wife as ‘beautiful to ME’.

I think you’re getting off on the attention tbh!

Dull-Requirement-759

17d

Ana needs to leave. She wore out her welcome. I really think she was trying you to see if you would make a move.

Realistic-Lake5897

17d

HOW LONG is this woman going to live with you???

Fragrant_Routine_569

17d

Stop giving Ana the benefit of the doubt. She is going to ruin your marriage. Hug and peck? 🙄please. Tell your wife about the hug and peck, this is manipulative triangulation at the start. Flashing you her Miss USA body? Please. Ever heard of grooming? She is planting images in your head and petting your ego, it is so obvious. Don't think you're a looker? Dude, I think you are liking this attention. Ana not wanting to tell your wife shows Ana's nefarious nature. Also, if she is moving slow, it's only because you guys are providing a comfortable room and board to her. She won't upset that until your wife gets so betrayed she leaves. Please kick Ana out if you value your marriage, wife and child. If you don't, you are a huge idiot.

KombuchaBot

17d

You may not be an asshole but you are a dumbass.

vintagebeet

17d

Not keeping secrets in a relationship shouldn’t extend to also spilling friends secrets. I understand Ana is living with you but there isn’t any real reason that you needed to know those things. To watch out for if she makes a move? There should already be boundaries in place regardless. Boundaries by the way like not allowing her to give you kisses on the cheek...

WishSuperb1427

17d

I read the original story, and well... now that you have added all of this, I think there is a soap opera developing. so now Ana wants to be borderline affectionate with you?

This is obviously gonna be a problem... especially with you saying that she is "very pretty (like Miss USA level)"

If any of this story is true, which I now doubt because of the follow-on story, you are on the path to an affair which you will have reddit people reading and enjoying... I guess.

Good luck with whatever your goals are for that.

SharpShake0

16d

Tell us again in like a week that this whole situation was no big deal. When you come home from work early or are working from home and she casually leaves the door open while she's doing inappropriate activities and tries to play it off as no big deal. She is escalating this situation and you are acting blind. Apparently, she doesn't care about her friendship with your wife because if she did. She wouldn't be staying there after 6 months, when she was the working party and her crappy relationship. Ana is mentally unwell, and it sounds like she is a serial homewrecker.