"I am the one who does the picking."

respectfully, that sort of thinking shuts down class analysis. it's not subjective to say that a majority of women covering perceived flaws is going to make other women feel insecure. it's the rational conclusion. and it's similarly the reason the majority of women feel ashamed of their unshaven bodies.

i'm not telling you why you wear makeup or asking you to stop. i am asking you to consider how it contributes to a culture that negatively affects everyone else, and respect those who are against it because your choices affect others.

i specifically phrased this in a way that avoided assuming your intentions, and only pointed out the outcomes.

you may not be insecure about your face, but a climate where the majority of women are regularly covering their flaws is going to make other women more prone to insecurity.

sorry let me rephrase.

wearing makeup that helps you confrom to beauty standards (even if you're doing it for different reasons) is obviously getting you more rewards from the patriarchy than not doing so.

how is advocating for women to try to be comfortable with their faces despite everyone around them covering their blemishes pick me behavior? it's not trying to win favor with men by throwing other women under the bus.

honestly don't understand how being against make up is pick me behavior. wearing make up to conform to heterosexual beauty standards is more pick me behavior imo

bruh you should not be conforming or molding yourself to female socialization

if someone says some sexist shit to you your response should be "i'm better than those stereotypes and imposed behaviors" not "i'm no better than the women who cave to those imposed behaviors" live your truth, don't worry too much about what other women are doing

nah dude. even if you manage to have mutual respect, there will never be equality or a balanaced dynamic between the two of you. also if he has vocalized that he thinks he's smarter than others and you, it sounds like there's a good chance he's a narcissist. drop him, this is cringe behavior

it's because most men don't like women, hence the need for feminism. if you want to help us please, please don't cave. the key is to make them feel ashamed for having such antiquated beliefs. in my experience guys like this won't change their mind unless you convince them it's more embarassing to hold these beliefs than it is to give them up. the male social order is more heirarchy-based, you'll tend to have more influence by embarassing them than by empathizing or reasoning.

"did you think that was a smart thing to say?"

this guy needs to be banned asap and it's not your fault that hasn't happened. that said, here's a couple courses of action.

1st: tell jerry's wife that he's making you uncomfortable and ask her to intervene on your behalf. i know she's sweet but she's complicit in allowing this.

2nd: any form of rejecing his advances except stonewalling is going to take too much mental energy. when he asks for a hug, simply say no or no thank you without any elaboration. if he asks why just say you don't want to. the second time he asks, say "remember earlier when i said no?" and repeat that every time after. the less variation in your responses the faster he'll lose interest. that being said, the MOMENT he asks a second time, you go tell the cooks asap.

stonewalling is awkward. remember that he is the one creating an awkward situation, you're just reflecting it back at him. you must grow comfortable with the awkwardness of saying no, it's a life-saving skill. (p.s. he's treating you like he treats the strippers except he's not tipping as well).

NTA don't go down this path, you will hate yourself. you're absolutely being groomed.

the haircut made you several notches hotter imo

"push through it" doesn't sound that bad. sounds like he lashed out cause he was cranky. the crankiness is understandable, but lashing out is never a healthy quality.

i do not get why this is being downvoted, what do y'all have against calling out the predators trying to infiltrate the community

sweeping this shit under the rug is utterly catholic behavior

problem is any creepy cis guy can decide to transmax and make the community look bad. i don't think we should stop talking about it, because we need to call out bad behavior within the community so people know we don't condone it. protect trans people, but telling people to put up with creepy behavior from anyone who claims to be trans is gonna open up the floodgates for predatory dudes and turn the community into exactly what conservatives think it is.

yeah guys can be sexually harassed but this comic is ick

i hate the trope of "guy takes moral high ground by turning down more attractive woman" y'all never make this point with less attractive women

ESH goddamn your SIL is weak as fuck in her convictions if your short speech made her feel like she should have stayed with her cheating ex.

anyway i don't like the way this is written, you're trying to sound humble but also clearly making yourself out to be the good guy. it's ringing a touch narcissistic, and your wife should have left you. you crossed a line that makes you worthless as a partner no matter what more you're able to provide to your wife. i don't get this "praising her for being strong enough to stay with an unfaithful husband," just sounds like you're offering her a way to save face in order to keep her with you.

sorry i don't understand the distinction you're making between identifying as cis and as a woman, could you clarify? isn't in functionally the same?

yes you can identify with different parts of your heritage, but the catalyst is actually possessing that heritage.

race isn't a group you identify into, is it?

if you do not identify as transgender, by definition you're saying you identify with the gender you were born into

there's a difference between criticizing cis/white people's behavior within a community you're a part of, and just tacking cis/white onto woman/disabled in order to minimize the ways they're systemically disenfranchised.

my point stands that "cis" implies i'm comfortable in the stereotypes of womanhood. i shouldn't have to identify as trans to avoid being viewed as a stereotype.

all the arguements for sex being a social construct can also be applied to species being a social construct. all categories, with the exception of maybe subatomic particles, are human constructs.

you can bend over backwards trying to make this logic fit, but it doesn't change the fact that with the exception of medical conditions, one sex has dominated and exploited the other sex for all of recorded history. it doesn't change the fact that only one sex can become pregnant, and only one sex can impregnate someone against their will. it doesn't change that over 95% of sexual offenses are commited by males. it doesn't change that males are responsible for 90% of violent crime. i think subtracting sex from the equation of sexism is doing an enourmous disservice to the female population by preventing coherent class analysis.

NTA frankly the term cis is offensive, it implies i somehow identify with and consent to be viewed through the cultural lens of what a woman is, which is tainted by the misogyny permeating every culture. also they're straight up using it to shut you down. people really don't believe women are marginalized, otherwise they wouldn't tack on "white" and "cis" to make us out to be a privilleged group. no one says "cis white people with disabilities" in order to then talk shit about people with disabilities.

maybe 3% of the women in there are not trafficked, and they're all doing extras on the side. the money is very irregular, so the longer you work in the club, the more likely it is you'll feel pressured to do things you don't want to in order to make money you need. the only way you won't end up traumatized working there is if you don't need the money at all, because as soon as you do, it becomes a coercive agent.

you can cold brew some teas but you have to leave em steepin overnight

spain :)