Welcome little one ❤️

I am really not. That is why I prioritize "is it easy to clean" and avoid unnecessary clutter- I don't want to add to the chaos lol

Welcome, Smudge!! My baby, Pepper, just had her eye out on Friday because of cancer, too. I hope Smudge heals quickly ❤️❤️❤️

One of the symptoms of depression include diminishing your ability to speak. It can make your tongue feel clumsy in your mouth and words just don't sound right when they come out. Just an FYI.

Have you see the meme-ish phrase on coffee mugs that say "Don't talk to me until I have finished my coffee"? Or implying that they will be a total jerk until the coffee is finished? I believe the point of the mug is that some people really struggle in the morning to "turn on" their brains. They are sluggish and need some time to wake up. Food, exercise, coffee, going through a routine, etc needs to happen before they get there.

It sounds like he was just at that point, and unfortunately he articulated his frustration while he was still angry about it.

I have chattered my boyfriend's ear off while he was still waking up before, too. I have since tried to make it a point to see how awake/alert he is before I start initiating conversation. I sometimes may also simply ask if he is up to hearing about something I find interesting. Sometimes his answer is yes, and sometimes his answer his no, and I have to not see that as a rejection but rather him setting a boundary. In that moment, he recognizes that he does not have the capacity to meet me where I am at, and he needs some time before we can sit down to chat about it.

If I absolutely MUST get the info out of my head right that instant, I open up a Google doc and just info dump the shit out of that document. Once it's out, I tend to feel better. In those instances I am recognizing that I am not necessarily making a bid for connection, but rather I have a build-up of excited energy and I need to dump it somewhere before I feel like I am going to explode.

But if my boyfriend consistently denied me opportunities to talk to him about the things I find interesting, I would absolutely feel rejected and lonely. At that point, it should be a conversation about how your excited chatter is a bid for connection and his unwillingness to engage feels like rejection. If rejection is not his intention, then some sort of system needs to be put in place where you can clearly communicate your need to connect and he can clearly communicate whether or not he is equipped to engage (and if not, make it a priority to do so as soon as possible).

There is nothing wrong with you and neither of you necessarily did anything wrong (though the way he expressed himself was a little harsh). I don't think he was rejecting you or saying he didn't want to connect you- just that in that specific moment, he was not yet ready to meet you where you were at.

My mom and I bought a house together outside of Phoenix. We got in while the houses were still being sold for under 400k and the insurance rates were still under 6%. Mom got a loan on her 401-k for the down payment and our credit scores together secured the mortgage. I live in the house and pay the mortgage, and she lives in an apartment in CA (she wants to move here but isn't quite ready yet- she is paying over $3k/mo in rent and the mortgage for the house is $2.8k/mo).

I was making ~150K-200K at the time at a job that was destroying me. I built up a decent savings at that time. I got a nice severance when I was laid off. I make considerably less now ($80k) but am still comfortable. I haven't been super smart about my savings and have unfortunately depleted most of it for both emergencies and non-emergencies. No trouble paying my bills, though I have not put anything into my own 401k in about a year (current employer is too small to have 401k set up just yet).

My boyfriend moved in two years ago and he currently makes ~60k working for the school district. He offsets some of the bills and half the mortgage, so that has given me a little wiggle room in terms of not completely depleting my savings.

Once we get over this current hump of medical issues for our pets, I will be focusing on rebuilding my savings and paying off some credit cards as quickly as possible.

I believe this is called executive dysfunction, and it is very, very common for people with ADHD.

My technical title is an operations manager. I am basically structuring how the business will run operationally. I think my adhd and my attention to detail make me particularly qualified for this role as I can handle mass quantities of information, organize it, and turn it into something that makes sense for everyone. It is a super-collaborative role and I have to approach everything with an open mind in case I can learn something new that makes things easier. It involves a lot of spreadsheets, diagrams, flow charts, and consulting with others to get more and more information. I love it.

I initially got my degree in psychology. I had wanted to go into counseling and I am still drawn to helping people in that way, but I don't think I could have handled the emotional and psychological weight of all the pain of my clients. I tend to struggle drawing emotional boundaries and end up in awful co-dependent relationships where I feel compelled to save someone.

So this super technical puzzle of a job suits me much better.

Customers who want to get solar on their home but don't have the cash on hand to buy the system outright can secure funding for solar in other ways. Some ways involve home improvement loans through financiers, and others include contracting to buy the electricity without actually buying the solar panels (and paying for the electricity monthly).

My company (and others like it) secure funding from investors to pay for these installations, and then the investors make their money back and more over the life of the contract with the customer (e.g. they bought the contract for 50k but at the end of the contract, the customer pays closer to a total of 75k- made up numbers but they illustrate the point).

So we are the connecting point between the money and the installers to help the customer go solar, and we maintain the system over the entire life of the contract. It's not super straightforward, so please let me know of that doesn't make sense.

My job specifically is building out the process from start to finish to make sure we are doing everything we need on our end to make sure this is a good deal for the customers, the investors, and the installers. I have to anticipate all the ways things could go wrong and plan for that, coordinate a million different criteria that sometimes only apply in certain situations, make the process as consistent as possible, and make it make sense for everyone involved. It is like a super complicated jigsaw puzzle and sometimes I find an extra box of pieces I didn't know about and have to re-strategize. It keeps me on my toes and it feels so gratifying to see things coming together.

Give yourself permission to leave ❤️ find something that makes you happier. And you will buy yourself time to search and find something good if you don't quit before you start a new job. If you quit before you have something lined up, you may feel pressured to accept something you don't feel too sure about.

But that TT is on the money. We are not meant to live like this.

I pick up on the super-subtle passive-aggressive put-downs that people slip into conversation. Most people glide right over them. I immediately pause and realize I can't trust that person.

I am also good at picking up behavioral patterns in others around me.

Both are trauma-based skills, though. My mother had undiagnosed PTSD and was extremely overworked. She was in a full-blown meltdown for large chunks of my childhood. I had to learn to perceive subtle changes in behavior, mood, and tone in order to avoid having any of that chaos unleashed in my direction.

I have been in solar financing for about 10 years. I was working at one of the largest companies and making a very, very good base salary plus performance bonuses. I was good at what I was doing but I was horrendously burnt out.

I was laid off last year and am now at a solar financing start-up. I have a lot more control of my day-to-day and I have a very supportive team and leadership. The pressure is still on to grow the business quickly, but I don't feel like I am at risk of losing my job on any given day. It was a drastic pay cut but absolutely worth it.

1. How breakable is it
2. How easy would it be to clean
3. Whether or not it has a purpose other than cluttering the space
4. Does it actually have some meaning to me, or will I just throw it away when I get bored with it

Ask for frequent breaks.

Then you get a second opinion. And if needed, a third, or a fourth.

I hope you get the diagnosis and treatment you are looking for. It really does change your life for the better - like you have been living your whole life with one hand tied behind your back and still having to do everything a two-handed person has to do, and now you suddenly have both hands available.

May he forever bristle with unbridled joy as she eagerly gushes forth urine upon him for the rest of his days.

If you find someone who is into your kinks, hold onto them- though I would normally advise doing so only if the rest of the relationship is healthy. Their relationship seems very not-healthy.

Agreed.

Capitalism has made it culturally acceptable to expect people to perform like robots. Productivity is now how we base our value as humans. It is a very unaccommodating and unforgiving system. You may be born with some sort of handicap but still expected to produce and keep up with your peers.

While there is an underlying murmur of change happening (more businesses unionizing, people lashing out against celebrities for completely tone-deaf flaunting of their wealth, etc), it will be slow to progress because corporations still have all the power and they depend on us believing our value is tied to our productivity.

The revolution needs to happen on a person-to-person basis before it will successfully infiltrate the greater culture as a whole. Shed those burdens and expectations. Stop trying to perform if it is burning you out. Reframe your worldview by redefining what success looks like to you. And then adjust your life to fit accordingly.

Busting my ass for 150k-200k a year was completely unsustainable and I was miserable. I was taught that that was what I SHOULD want. I now make 80k and have a much better grasp of work-life balance and live within my means.

I have found peace and contentment. I am no longer pursuing things outside of my grasp because I was taught that I should always try to achieve more and more. As a result, I am buying less crap that I don't need to feel fulfilled. I am not busting my ass to do the work of 3 people. I am not feeding into this relentless machine that capitalism has turned our society into. And I am ok with that. I don't have the nicest clothes, or the newest car, or the biggest house, or whatever other status symbols. I am content with what I have, and I don't let myself be bothered by judgments (whether real or imagined) from others.

Revolutionize yourself and inspire others to follow suit

Hello! I was diagnosed a few months ago. I have been on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication for a little over 15 years, and I have been on Concerta for a few months.

With anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, I had a very long "adjustment" period where I was a numb zombie. It took a lot of patience for my brain and body to adapt and finally reach some kind of functioning normalcy.

With Concerta, I felt the effects immediately. At first it felt like a strong buzz where I had a LOT of energy, I felt very amped up and almost euphoric. I had some heart palpitations and I had 0 appetite. I got SO MUCH work done those first few days. After that, it gradually started to mellow out - My appetite returned, the heart palpitations stopped, and though I didn't feel this rush/energy, it was easier for me to start work and stay on task. I still need to take breaks periodically, but I am able to get stuff done so I don't end up with this massive mountain of "backlogged" work piling up and stressing me out. When life gets particularly challenging, I still have a little trouble with tending to everything that needs to get done, but I am much more consistently functional than I used to be.

This. Something narrow, like a foyer table or shelf. It will cover the wires and give you a space to display some knick-knacks without obstructing the walkway. Just be aware that it WILL be in a high-traffic spot so do not put anything breakable on it

This is a very old-fashioned idea. And also it goes to show that they are very insecure about their own status in society if they have to not only follow but reinforce such trivial status symbols in order to feel like they are superior to someone.

There are a lot of fashion standards that were started as a means of "quietly flaunting wealth".

1. High heels. These were often used when riding horses because the heels would hold onto the stirrups better. So it meant you were wealthy enough to own horses. And, since they are so immensely uncomfortable to walk in, it meant you were wealthy enough to not need to walk everywhere all the time, so you could wear the uncomfortable shoes and stay seated enough to not worry about them hurting.
2. Long, manicured fingernails. This implied that you did not need to work with your hands. You can't really do much with long nails, so if you were able to maintain long fingernails and soft hands, it meant you were wealthy enough to not need to work.
3. Pale skin. This implied that you did not need to work outside like laborers.

Eventually, status symbols evolved into more material possessions - nice clothes that can only be dry-cleaned, nice cars with horrendous gas mileage, expensive jewelry and watches, etc etc.

There are a lot of people who believe that society is broken into the "haves" and the "have nots", and that belonging to the former group gives you status, privilege, and power, and that the latter group is unworthy of respect or empathy. The latter group is dehumanized and subjugated. As such, even people on the lower end of the "haves" feel compelled to "prove" that they belong in the "haves" group so that they are not treated the way the "have nots" are treated.

Your grandparents believe that a nice watch helps establish one's position in the "haves" group, and they genuinely believe they are giving you good advice to help you establish your own position in the group, but culture has evolved so much within even their own lifetime that those status symbols are no longer the same. They will likely wear watches until the day they die, and will likely insist that others do the same, but you are under no obligation to heed their advice.

Don't be so upset with yourself! It is BEAUTIFUL! Your color choices and the different stitch patterns are absolutely stunning.

The mistake you made, though, is one I made over and over and over until I got so frustrated that I almost quit crochet altogether.

I would highly recommend using stitch markers on the first and last stitch of each row as you go. You can remove the marker from the previous row once you have started the next row. This will help you make sure you are getting the last stitch in at the same place every time. It can be really, really hard to tell where the row starts or ends, because the fibers might get all fuzzy and it's difficult to see the yarn edges. Once I started doing this, having even edges become unavoidable ahaha

Please don't give up. You may still decide to frog this, but I would highly encourage redoing this with the exact same colors and stitch patterns. You will be so proud of yourself once you complete it.

Hello. I am a 36 year old woman. I was diagnosed a few months ago. ADHD has different types. The "loud 8 year old boy" is the type people recognize most because it is hard to ignore. I went 36 years with no diagnosis because the type I have tends to look very, very different.

I have inattentive ADHD, which means I have trouble staying focused on things. This went under the radar for so long because it isn't the noisy or disruptive kind of ADHD. Adults tend to treat it as a discipline problem though, and they will be extra hard on kids with inattentive ADHD because they think the kid just needs to "try harder".

This kind of ADHD often results in people becoming over-achievers and perfectionists, which looks really good when you are expected to perform well in school or at jobs. It becomes a problem, though, as you get older and start having more and more responsibilities and expectations. Then it gets to be too hard to be perfect at everything and your mental health falls apart.

ADHD diagnosis does not need to be $400. If you are in the United States, go to zocdoc.com and look for mental health professionals in your area that specialized in ADHD. Try to find ones that offer sliding-scale payments (meaning that they will lower their costs if you are low-income or do not have insurance). You can wait until you turn 18 so you don't need your parents' permission, but maybe use this time to save up some money so you can pay for the appointment when you do turn 18.

There are a lot of misconceptions about ADHD and other mental health issues. My step-dad was super old-school and believed that "mental health issues" were just excuses to mask for poor parenting. He thought he could discipline his children out of whatever problems they had. And my mom feared that putting a diagnosis on her kids would mean they have to deal with the stigma and would be treated like "cripples" their whole lives. 

They didn't take my mental health issues seriously until I dropped out of college, slept 16 hours a day, and cried uncontrollably all night every night because I was horribly depressed and wanted to die. I was hospitalized for a week for emergency medication management and having a doctor tell them point-blank that I had major depression, generalized anxiety, and suicidal ideation made it difficult for them to deny. And then lo-and-behold, my mom was then diagnosed with PTSD, and my youngest brother was diagnosed with Autism. I had to be the one to make "mental health" an OK thing to talk about and get help for.

The doctors all completely missed the ADHD diagnosis, though. The depression and anxiety were likely caused by the untreated ADHD.

But anyway, my point is that it may be shitty right now, but you are on the cusp of having legal independence and there are resources at your disposal if you just know where to look.

You've got this ❤️

Hello! It sounds like you have shed the weight of everyone elses' expectations and are finally living authentically. Congratulations! Peace and contentment are now yours ❤️

Are the screams of kids you are linked to more tolerable because in that moment, you are mentally connected to and prepared for the experiences that come with being around children? Kind of like how it is easier to swallow food if your mouth isn't dry, so when you are hungry, your mouth waters in anticipation of eating?

Maybe when you are not mentally "opting in" to the experience beforehand, then the noise of children is just too much in that moment.

An example of this might be that I have a big project that I need to get done for work, and the deadline is coming up. I ask my partner to keep the dogs occupied while I am working so they aren't begging me to play or distracting me. Even though I have opted in to co-parenting these dogs, I have mentally opted-out of coparenting the dogs for a few hours while I work. As a result, when the dogs eventually find their way to me, or scratch and whine at the door, or bark incessantly, I immediately get irritated because I am trying to put 100% of my focus on my work.

While I may otherwise love my dogs and find the things they do endearing, and while I may normally be okay with them dropping toys at my feet or have no problem getting up to let them outside to pee, it is just that in this specific moment, I do not have the mental capacity to attend to the dogs while I am trying to focus. And as such, I may get overstimulated by being forced back into my "dog mom" role.

I see this happen with parents a lot. Maybe mom has been with the kids all day and desperately needs a break when dad gets home. If dad says he's got the kids so mom can have some time, of COURSE she is going to lose her shit when her bath is interrupted with little fingers reaching under the door, to door handle rattling, knocking at the door, and little voices pestering with questions about what is mommy doing and why can't I come in. She wanted just a little time where she could take her "mom hat" off. She wanted to temporarily opt out of parenting, and her partner was not keeping the kids occupied like he said he would.

So, with that in mind, is it possible that this is what is happening? Kids may be tolerable when you are mentally prepared for or opting into the experience of being around them, but when you are not expecting it or not wanting it, their presence becomes insufferable?