Excellent, thanks for the reply! I agree that we will always wonder about the stones unturned, but living true to yourself and your passions mitigates feelings of desire.

This is a nice sentiment. How is your life now?

If anything, I was able to more easily lose weight because I could finally have sex frivolously without worrying about impregnating women.

Happy wife, happy life.

Not a “gotcha” moment. A legitimate question moment. A relationship generally involves two people seeking mutual benefit.

The fact I enjoy their aesthetic doesn’t imply I’m “using” them. Does the fact she benefits from my income and physique mean I am also being “used” as a man?

Maybe they enjoy the aesthetics of a younger body?

Are you sure the maturity (which probably realizing you want a guy who’s “stable” because the previous men you dated can’t pay the bills) that comes with being 32 isn’t you realizing you no longer compare to attractive women in their early 20’s?

Lack of sex sustains a lot of unhealthy relationships.

I do the same thing as a 29-year old man. I have a couple of fun weeks-months, but I wouldn’t consider actually dating long-term as most of them wouldn’t make great marriage candidates.

I agree. I spent my entire 20’s grinding harder than most people ever have in their lives. I finally have the trappings of success(physical, financial, etc.) and the level of attention from women became less than subtle. They wanted nothing to do with me when my mattress was on the floor and I wouldn’t take them out to eat. My current girlfriend just turned 20; I am 29.

Eat more calories than you burn. It isn’t rocket science. Your cultural cuisine is perfect for packing on the pounds. Instead of 1 slice of naan, eat five. Instead of 1 serving of daal, eat five. Instead of one cup of rice, eat five.

Just because you’re sober doesn’t mean you aren’t still a drug addict. You just aren’t using drugs at the moment. This is why 12-step groups say you are powerless in the face of your addiction and you will forever battle the demons of addiction. This concept is peripherally related to promiscuity.

You say people should match at their level. Do you believe women attempt to match at their “level”? Most people, men and women, desire to date and/or marry someone out of their league. However, women think they deserve/are entitled within this sentiment, while men recognize belief in Disney-esque worldviews (believing you deserve a VS model while you are a basement-dweller) creates a level of cognitive dissonance that results in perpetual suffering. The difference is most men have to toil incessantly to rectify their faulty beliefs, while most women choose to wait for someone who will assume responsibility for her (because I shouldn’t have to change and I deserve a rich, hot man despite the fact I am a single mom who works a low-class/income job) or, if they are inherently attractive enough, never even have to worry about the concept of self-improvement as any number of guys will throw themselves at her (and shower her in money, experiences, etc.) just for an opportunity to be “graced with her presence”.

I have had to work so hard, for so long to close the chasm between who I was and what I thought I deserved. I decided I could not desire a fit woman, if I was not fit myself. I decided I could not desire a financially prudent woman, if I was not financially prudent myself. I was never under the assumption I “deserved” anything, while most of the women I have interacted with have espoused the opposite regardless of occupation. I have dated lawyers, doctors, waitresses, teachers, and women from a variety of professions across the socioeconomic spectrum (not just bad, evil, or loser women as you would probably falsely assume).

I’m tired of men like you who feel they have “won” over RP guys because RP guys are angry/evil/whatever, so they must be miserable. 50% of marriages end in divorce, which begs the question, how many who remain married are truly happy or satisfied? I know of several people (men and women alike) who have to lie to themselves everyday so they can bear to look at themselves in the mirror and pretend they are happy with their life junction (yeah I know anecdotal experience doesn’t count for shit, boohoo). I have a lot more to lose through marriage than gain. You want to know what one of my previous girlfriends said to me one time when her friends were talking about what they bring to their relationship? She stated, “He gets to have sex with ME.” AS IF HAVING SEX WITH ME, HER BOYFRIEND, WAS DOING ME A FAVOR. Sorry for the diatribe, and I hope you have a wonderful day.

I concur. I acted much more chill and it was easier to compartmentalize beautiful women when I was younger. I believe it was because I perceived myself as “below” them. I thought engaging with them in a sexual or romantic way was absurd/impossible (and it may have been because I was no heartthrob). Now that I am 29, successful, “jacked”, already financially successful and will be until I die (on track to a profession where I will make at least 200k/year until I decide to stop working), etc. there are women who used to be insolent or ambivalent towards me that let me know in less than subtle ways that they desire/yearn to be with me. I always wonder if the women I meet now that didn’t know me then would’ve treated me the same way if they knew who I used to be. I have become resentful/angry towards women because I have come to realize how vapid and superficial most of them are (I understand men can have the same negative traits, but I don’t date men so I could care less).

Thank you for responding to me, Pain. I would appreciate if you would DM me some resources. I love to read and I am always willing to learn new things to try and improve my lot in life. I’ve learned high school never really ends; people just get chronologically older. It saddens me that human nature permeates even the “highest echelon” of education like you mentioned. Thanks again, I have no reason to be miserable, but I think the stress of school is getting to me.

I also worked in healthcare. I have experienced the halo effect you mentioned, which has been turned up to 11 now that I’m in CRNA school (people associate anesthesia with $$). Honestly, I think I need therapy because my life experience has turned me into a jaded mess. I never could have imagined people could be so shallow. I am depressed, though most people on the outside looking in would say I am “unbelievably successful” and I should “just be happy” because I’ve “made it.”

I suffer from this as well. I’m relatively the same person I was a decade ago (I’m 29), but I could now be considered “jacked”. It’s interesting how every joke I now tell is so much funnier and every quip so much smarter than it used to be when I was nobody.

The exact situation that terrifies me to trust a woman enough to be in a long-term relationship (or marry, for that matter). I think most people who have dated over a period of years suffer from a version of “the one that got away” or “what could have been,” and it would kill me if my future wife harbored feelings like your wife’s friend. A kind person would never let their significant other know a past lover was “better” than you (financially, sexually, whatever), but sometimes your GF or wife one day lets this idea slip, or one of her friends alludes to the concept of a “superior” past BF or fling in conversation with you.

Thank you for answering my question in good faith. I have had this sort of scenario happen to me and I could never get over the thought that she likely perceived me to be the “safe” option after it didn’t work out with another man.

Do you think she came calling back to you because it might not have worked out with another man?

Anger is a natural, sympathetic nervous system response to an external threat, i.e., feelings of betrayal in response to being lied to about the machinations of women and their attraction triggers.

Significant others sometimes do things that are out of their traditional character or preferences (i.e., they do things they do not like or wouldn't normally do) so as not to discourage the other from wanting to marry them.

Yes. I used to think I was depressed, but it was just a cash flow issue.

This. I lived in Iowa and relocated to Florida for CRNA school.