i get these since my partner shut down intimacy, and it fucking sucks :/ thing is, i am also ace (i used to hate any sort if intimacy except with my current partner) and used it for validation

im gonna give some anecdotal evidence and then leave this to be because i dont have the energy for this.

i went on hormonal birth control (Yaz to be specific) last year, and gained 20kgs which i am still struggling to shed. i gained this weight during the healthiest part of my life; i was exercising and eating healthy. i was in fact shedding more calories than i consumed, and yet, i gained fat. a lot of people go through similar things on the daily. for some people, it is genuinely impossible (or at least near impossible) to lose fat.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/smart-people-don-t-diet/202001/4-reasons-why-its-not-your-fault-if-you-can-t-lose-weight#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20there%20are%20scientific,physiology%20are%20working%20against%20you.

thats it, im genuinely done with entertaining this conversation.

i am speaking from lived experience when i say that for some people, it is literally impossible with their circumstances. telling a heroin addict to “just stop, other people did it, so why cant you?” is about the dame as telling someone with PCOS to “just lose fat, these other people did it, so why cant you?”

for the addict to be able to safely quit, they would need resources and support systems in place. they would need to work closely with a specialist and have a good supportive network, as well as some level of stability to facilitate getting better.

that study doesnt take into account multiple factors; - inaccessibility of healthy foods on a wide scale (eg. fruits and veggies being a lot more expensive than processed foods) - social networks and support systems (a lot of people - like yourself - are quick to dismiss fat womens experiences with attempts at fatloss and their struggles, which leads to negative reinforcement. This has been proven to have negative effects on weight. ) - socioeconomic status (eg. the ability to purchase a gym membership, access to healthcare, expensive medications, exercise supplements such as protein powder and the list goes on)

there is also another myriad of factors, but these are the main ones. this study showcases that quite well.

also, the study you provided is from 2003, when the economy wasnt nearly as tragic as it is nowadays, so economic barriers were not barring people anywhere near as much as they are nowadays. while yes, getting better may be possible for people who are in certain niches (my best friend also has PCOS but is thin as a plank thanks to genetics and a horrible ED), to say that every woman with PCOS is capable of suddenly losing all this fat is ignorant and also ignores genetic variance and dispositions.

PCOS often comes with this lovely thing called Insulin Resistance, which a lot of unmedicated people cant keep under control. usually youd get something like metformin prescribed, but that comes with horrendous side effects so a lot of people (including myself) opt out of it.

some of the symptoms of PCOS include: - hirsutism - uncontrollable fat gain - abnormal periods - severe depression and suicidality - infertility - acne - severe fatigue

some symptoms of IR include: - lypodystropy - obesity - menstruation issues - uncontrollable hunger

these two conditions make it extremely hard to lose fat, unless you are on a very strict workout regimen. i am a powerlifter and train 8-12 hours per week at high intensity, and fat loss has been near nonexistent for myself, despite following a non inflammatory, high protein diet within a deficit while working closely with a coach.

the only time i truly lose weight is when i starve myself, but that doesnt last long, and makes me feel insanely unhealthy, irritable and fatigued. genuinely asking you to educate yourself on these conditions because telling someone to “just lose weight” is not that easy.

no idea! he just likes the word i guess haha, i find it sort of endearing and it feels like its MY nickname because its so unique :)

i call him lovely and silly goose, he calls me cutie and dongus :)

my ex did that! took me 5 years to unpack that can of worms in therapy

please look into PCOS and its effects on weight

as an overweight gal, i have a skinny boyfriend and honestly, its about personality. i am her exact weight and height (though i powerlift so some of that is muscle, she might have a different build) and had multiple partners in the past, and the people im currently dating next to my partner are also on the skinnier side (not out of preference or anything, its just who i click with)

maybe tell her to focus on showcasing her personality and unique interests! thats what worked for me :)

break off contact; you tried to set boundaries and she oversteps them repeatedly.

daytime hotels if they allow underage guests. couple hours stay for like $100, it was a pleasant experience for me

thank you! i was worried it would make it worse in some aspects, because acid made me incredibly existential and brought up some trauma, but again, different receptors and different mechanisms so im open to anything new :)

if you set a boundary, discuss it with him. if you havent…. discuss it with him!!!!

female perspective here, i was the other way around with my ex. he convinced himself he wanted kids to make the relationship worth it, but it just wasnt his thing.

we ended up amicably breaking things off, we are still very good friends to this day and talk nearly daily :) its gonna fucking sting, but this is a massive thing ti consider when dating

berenstein by the band camino; go to break up song :’) also promise me by badflower, shit hits hard

oh my god break up with him, both of you are too immature for a relationship

When I was 14, I was involved with my 18 year old taekwondo coach. I ended up being deeply scarred and traumatised, and when I turned 18, and was observing my younger sister and her friends (who were 14 at the time), I felt so disgusted with the mere idea of anyone in my (at the time) age bracket being involved with a 14 year old. run for the hills, especially if he takes things sexual. aldo if it is safe to do so, tell your parents

nope, get out of there. lying right off the bat is a huge nono

50/50, depends on the dynamic. my partner used to live w his ex (who treated him like an option) and i was uncomfortable with her, but our chemistry was through the roof. fast forward, she moved out because she threw a hissy fit and i moved in.

if its genuinely as intimate as if they were together, absolutely run for the hills. but otherwise, i would sus out the dynamic first and then see