I was 3-5 years old when I experienced my first delusion. Was dead-convinced I had gone to the mall with my uncle and there was an impromptu Dora parade. Took 6 years for my parents to convince me it probably didn’t happen… my uncle also has no memory of it and says he’s never even taken me to the mall, and I’ve searched before but there were no news articles on it. Which—an impromptu Dora parade at the mall surely would’ve made the news. But then again, it would’ve been the early 2000s, so maybe not?

My parents always told me it was just a dream I had. I’d argue with them about it for years because it was a very strong memory and one of my favourite childhood memories, one of my favourite experiences and the strongest memory I had of spending time with my uncle as a kid. I also never confused any other dreams for reality (at least not for more than an hour or two after waking up). They don’t even remember the ordeal now. No one’s ever convinced me it didn’t happen, I just don’t think about it anymore and don’t really care whether it was real or not. I accept that it’s possible it was just a dream. But that’s as close as I think I’ll ever get. It felt as real as all my other memories when I was younger. Now it’s faded into a very distant memory from childhood just like all my other memories from childhood. I’ve experienced several delusions ever since I could remember, mostly paranoid/persecutory delusions with a few other types sprinkled in (religious, guilt, and some I’m not sure how to categorize).

My negative symptoms didn’t begin until I was around 13-14 (as far as I know) when I went through an extremely stressful period in life (anorexia + OCD went full-blown crazy + panic disorder). I thought I developed depression at the same time. The depression got better after a couple years, but still had remaining ‘depression without sadness’ ever since. Apparently it wasn’t depression, it was just negative symptoms. Then experienced 2-3 years of the highest level of MDD that can be evaluated, and now I can sorta recognize the difference between depressive episodes and my usual negative symptoms (still struggle discerning the beginning/end of depressive episodes where they’re more mild or moderate vs negative symptoms).

Hallucinations also began when I was 13-14 but they were infrequent and I never thought much of them. Not the stereotypical voices talking to me or seeing people that no one else did, so I thought it was just the normal ‘everyone experiences weird things sometimes’ and never mentioned it to anyone.

Working on stress tolerance might also be a good idea. Seems a lot of zoids are stressed and/or uncomfortable when having to be social (work, school, going out to somewhere, etc). Not enjoying social interaction doesn’t mean you’re doomed to forever be unable to tolerate it.

And life is a LOT nicer if you can tolerate it. I can still enjoy team sports because I don’t really get any negatives from social interaction. I enjoy soccer and volleyball. I also don’t mind if I go to the gym and someone tries to strike up a conversation with me. I’d hate to be forced into being a hermit out of fear/discomfort that someone might try to speak to me if I went to a dance class or something. Or if I had to give up a dream job because a small part of it is social.

I’m allergic to birch pollen. I’ve never actually heard of ‘spring pollen allergy’, but you have to be allergic to a specific thing (you may be allergic to several types of pollen). I’m allergic to birch and mugwort pollen, which are responsible for most of my OAS reactions.

As for the cross-reaction foods, it’s entirely dependent on the person. I’ve been allergic to birch & mugwort for over 10 years, and only had a problem with bananas starting last year. Carrots, celery, and peaches are also related to birch, but I can eat all of them no problem. I love carrots and eat them all the time in large enough quantities that sometimes my skin turns a little orange lol. You only need to avoid the things that you have a reaction to. No way to know what you’ll react to without eating it first though. And almost everyone with OAS can eat the offending foods if they’re cooked since it’s not a true allergy and cooking it alters the protein.

I will say though: OAS (oral allergy syndrome) is strictly an oral reaction. From lips to throat, and nothing else. However, I have had eye/nose reactions to birch pollen in the air and then an oral reaction to a related food. Your doctor would be the one to tell you if it’s OAS or not, and if so, whether you should be avoiding anything. I have a history of anaphylaxis and asthma that gets triggered by birch, so I’ve been instructed to avoid my OAS triggers (I can eat them cooked, but not raw). I’ve never been told to avoid the things I don’t react to.

Anaphylaxis can also develop at any time, so if you notice any secondary systems involvement (aka skin + digestive, or respiratory + digestive, etc) or your have any life-threatening symptoms (heart flutters + feeling faint, wheezing, throat tightness, etc) then call an ambulance and/or go to the nearest ER asap (not an urgent care, ER required). The odds of developing anaphylaxis as an adult with no history is unlikely, so I don’t want to scare you. But it’s a possibility and a very serious one, so make sure that you go to the hospital if it happens.

It sounds like you’re allergic to dogs. Poodles are considered hypoallergenic, and itchy skin after exposure is almost guaranteed to be an allergy.

Do you find antihistamines help? I can’t help with poodle vs lab for SD work, but if you end up thinking a lab may be better for you (aside from the allergy) you might want to go to an allergist. Some people’s dog allergies can be treated with meds and/or shots (depending on a few different factors). You could also see if antihistamines help, and if they do maybe talk to your doctor about the potential of long-acting allergy meds or daily allergy meds.

Otherwise, a hypoallergenic breed may be the only realistic option to begin with. Poodles are less often used in programs, but most programs I’ve looked into will use poodles specifically for handlers with dog allergies.

I’m severely allergic to birch (according to my allergist, my reaction to birch is “very impressive”), and when I was around 13-14, I went from eating a bowl of cherries with no problem one day, to having my mouth itch for 5 hours after eating a single cherry the next day.

I had the same thing happen with several other fruits. Latest development was bananas, and possibly Pistachios (10 years later). I think cherries and apples were the first ones to hit me. It does get much worse during allergy season, where I’m walking around with a slight itch to my throat pretty much 24/7.

I normally avoid all my OAS triggers, but during allergy season I’m even having short-lived mild reactions to a couple things that I’m not even sure what I’m reacting to in them. Latest one is cinnamon hearts…

I experience both.

My OCD will sometimes turn into full-blown delusions backed up with hallucinations. This is less common, but does happen. My OCD will also feed off my delusions and make them worse. Sometimes I experience something odd and my brain comes up with a really wild theory and that almost instantly becomes my reality. It usually takes a few repeated odd experiences, or a few different things piling up though. I’ve woken up with a brand new delusion (hasn’t happened since I was a kid though), and also had ones that developed over a few weeks.

Almost every single one of my delusions ‘fades’ into OCD though. Which I guess is just the psychosis fading while the OCD that fed on it sticks around.

Yes, though it gets worse at times. For myself, I think it’s a mixture of me moving much slower than I used to (includes slower reaction time), and moving much less (not lifting feet as high when I walk —> tripping more often). Though sometimes it does get worse and I think there is more to it. I have a mild delusion that likes to give me another reason for my worsening fine motor skills, so I find it a bit difficult to tell what’s delusion-related vs actually happening, and the severity.

Yep. I can smell my dog come into the house from 3 rooms away and it makes me nauseous. Even if it’s completely dry outside, he smells like wet dog. No one else in my house smells anything from him. I was looking into it and read that schizophrenia and psychosis in general can cause the brain to have difficulty filtering out information. Same as sensory processing disorder in people with ADHD and autism, how their brains can’t filter out the excess/unnecessary info. Though it’s usually more acute in psychosis from what I read.

I get it intermittently, and it definitely happens more on bad days. My dog smelling doesn’t even have anything to do with any of my delusions, and it’s not a hallucination. I’m just weirdly sensitive to his smell at times. Happens with certain foods and the sink drain too (I have to use a different washroom because the drain needs to be cleaned and it doesn’t bother anyone else but I feel like I’m going to vomit if I stick around it for long). I’m also not on meds rn, so it’s not related to that.

It’s a grocery brand from my local grocer. You can probably google ‘nut-free Nutella’ or ‘chocolate sesame spread’ and see if there’s any brands that sell it near you.

Mania isn’t a part of BPD. That’s bipolar. And if she’s bipolar and unmedicated and in a manic episode, she may need to go to the hospital and get an emergency psych consult.

And walk to… a tree? Sure, you could go for a walk across the border. Unless you consider that a vacation, it’s irrelevant. If you’re going to be spending money in another country for an extended period of time, make sure you can afford all of it.

His doc probably wouldn’t have said ‘don’t go for a 30min walk across the border’. But he did say ‘don’t fly to Florida for a vacation’.

And if he’s unstable enough he can’t go for a 30min walk, then he sure as hell shouldn’t be doing it across a border.

If you have a severe medical condition and you’re traveling anywhere where healthcare isn’t amazing (including quality healthcare you have to sell your house for), go to a walk-in clinic. That’s the kind of thing they’re there for. When you don’t have a GP and need a GP to check something.

Yeah, there’s a lot of overlap between those. I’m not autistic, am a confirmed schizoid lol.

I don’t have relationship anxiety though, I just find them perpetually boring and/or annoying. I don’t get bad things out of it, just a lack of anything good.

Wow butter is my least favourite lol, smells good but tastes like plastic to me 😂

At the same time, it’s the most popular brand so I guess I’m an outlier.

Fear has benefits, but anxiety doesn’t. Anxiety is when you have unnecessary fear. And anxiety is usually a positive loop. Meaning something makes you anxious, so you avoid the thing, then you sensitize yourself to being even MORE afraid because you’re avoiding it (reinforcing the anxiety) so then you become more anxious… so avoid it more… then more and more anxiety, etc.

I don’t have any relationship anxiety like yours, but what I can say is that codependent relationships are not the most common, and they’re recognized by most everyone as being unhealthy. Unwanted one-sided dominance (a controlling relationship) is also recognized by the masses as unhealthy and abusive depending on the severity. It’s not normal, and shouldn’t be tolerated by anyone.

It seems like you have a lot of social anxiety and you fear judgement from others. That’s not something you have to live with forever. Those are the kinds of things that can be worked on with therapy and/or meds. If you’re this anxious about it, I’d highly recommend trying to get it addressed.

My sister loves Nutella. I became allergic to hazelnuts around the age of 14.

She wishes she could have Nutella in the house, but she prefers having a living sister to Nutella on bread every once in a while.

13 is old enough that your brother really shouldn’t be that aggressive over it. However, if your parents never made it a big deal, that could be more understandable. If I were you, I’d probably try to swallow all my quip and sarcasm and approach from a friendly angle.

“I wish I could have peanut butter too, it smells so good. But if I touch it even accidentally, I will stop breathing and that terrifies me”

—> As long as it’s not used all the time, a lot of people are more understanding if you admit / open up that you find something scary. Just have to explain it genuinely and sorta from their side, that you wish it weren’t dangerous for you too.

And suggest finding alternatives that he can eat! I found a chocolate sesame spread that has no nuts and tastes extremely similar to Nutella, close enough that my very picky little sister happily eats it as an alternative! She still gets Nutella if she goes out for brunch at a restaurant (where I don’t go with them), but at home she has the chocolate sesame spread. You could talk with your brother and say that you want to find something that helps because at the end of the day, he’s a kid and it’s not fair that he can’t enjoy a food he likes because someone else has an issue with it. It’s no one’s fault, and it’s a simple part of life ain’t always fair. But he’s young, and he’s frustrated because he recognizes it doesn’t feel fair.

“I know you know peanuts are really dangerous for me, but I know it’s not fair that you can’t have them. It’s not fair that I’m allergic to them either. Next time I go to the grocery store, want me to try and find some of the peanut-free peanut butters? They make ones that are really similar to peanut butter, so we could try some and see which ones tastes best? That way we both get to enjoy it too, and I won’t have to be scared around it either.”

Suggestions (I’m in Canada, no idea what’s available where you are):

• Almond butter
• Wowbutter (made with soy I think?)
• Sunbutter (made with sunflower seeds)
• Tahini (made with sesame)
• Peabutter / No-nut butter (made with golden peas, and definitely my fave!)
• Pumpkin seed butter

Health food sections near me also have things like the sesame chocolate spread, a salted caramel sesame butter, etc.

OP is allergic to sesame. Never tried pumpkin seed butter myself though, I’d probably have to check a specialty store in the fall 🤔 it does sound tasty though! Roasted pumpkin seeds are delicious

Np. I’m personally not a fan of sunflower butter and I’m definitely biased toward peabutter. Though sunbutter is a LOT easier to find where I live (sadly).

Some brands I’ve encountered are: sunbutter, peabutter (uses golden peas), no-nut butter (uses peas or soy, can’t remember), and wowbutter (I think uses sunflower seeds? That or soy).

I think some of those do have sesame in them, so you’ll need to check for which ones are safe for you.

Cleaning with soap and water should be good. It depends on how severe his allergy is, but I’d clean all dishes by hand with soap and water, twice if I’m uncertain, and then I’d ALSO throw them all the in dishwasher to be extra safe.

Then with a CLEAN cloth, use soap and scrub down all tables and counters, cabinet handles, the microwave, the stove buttons/knobs, the oven handle, etc.

If his allergy severity is to a level of airborne, I’d say to ask him directly and do whatever he requests. If it’s contact-based, then what I described should be safe. If it’s ingested-only (not severe enough for minor cross-contamination to be an issue) then there should be no problem so long as new ingredients are used and everything is washed/scrubbed down well.

You could try making a homemade version with sunflower butter, peabutter, or a soy-based ‘nut’ butter.

My dad used to make these peabutter chocolate balls with rice Kristy treats for me when I was a kid. They were delicious. I think they were called mouse balls or something like that? Anyways, you can find recipes for making chocolate bar mimics online.

Worth checking out for sure. For what it’s worth, I do hope your zoid traits can be attributed to something like atypical depression or anxiety. Those are fixable 99% of the time.

I’m curious if you experience the ‘schizoid dilemma’? Sort of a crossfire between both wanting and not wanting a relationship/to be around others. For myself, I describe it as enjoying the idea of a relationship, but not the reality of one. I could enjoy a relationship if it were a perfect person in a perfect world who could act in accordance to me. But human beings don’t work like that, so sadly no utopia-like person for me. And even then, I still only want one or two ‘perfect’ people lol. Someone who could magically know when to give me attention and when to fuck off and cease to exist until I want to do something with them again 😂

It’s not always clear cut, but for most people: autism is from birth and traits are noticed in early childhood (more mild cases might be missed until later on of course, or if in an area where autism is not well understood). SzPD continues to develop up until adulthood where it solidifies.

Also, social deficits (difficulty with social cues, understanding sarcasm, identifying emotions and reading between the lines, etc) are not SzPD traits. Those are autistic traits. Some people will have difficulty either those anyways, but if it started in early childhood, odds are it’s autism.

I didn’t start developing noticeable zoid traits until I was a preteen, and it progressed through my teen years into adulthood. I thought it was depression without the sadness for the longest time.

Masking to appear normal is also something done by every single person who’s ‘different’. It’s not inherent to anything, and it’s mentally draining for everyone to put up a false front for extended periods. So I wouldn’t put that into consideration. I find it just as exhausting to mask my BPD traits as it is to mask zoid traits.

If your flat affect started in early childhood, that would mostly likely be an autistic trait. SzPD doesn’t develop from birth (though some people are naturally more schizoid-like without having a PD).

Another big difference is that oftentimes (not always), schizoids have an aversion to forming relationships, whereas pwASD have social difficulties that make forming relationships extremely difficult. What I mean, is many zoids could go out and make friends if they wanted to, but they don’t want a friend. They’d just not get anything out of it or feel uncomfortable with the notion due to feelings such as invasion of privacy, distrust in others, boredom with others, etc.

PwASD are more likely to want friendships but struggle forming them. And the aversion to forming a friendship often comes from social anxiety related to the general social difficulties.

Some people with ASD will also naturally be introverts, and lower functioning pwASD may not show more indifference toward others (though the lower functioning you go, the more obvious the difference between autism vs a PD). Social anxiety can exist in both, which can also muddy the waters. But generally the reasons for things are different in autism vs schizoids. Schizoid traits are unhealthy defence mechanisms built into our personalities. Autism traits are derived from the very way the brain was formed (not defence mechanisms, just inherent traits).

If she had a reaction to the muffin, it might definitely be a fear factor. Is there a way you could make the muffins look different?

What if you combined with icing and made them into cake pops? They’d look completely different, so she might not be scared of them.

If it’s just about keeping the egg protein exactly the same and how much it’s cooked, you could still add icing and make it a cupcake. Put some sprinkles on top too. Maybe after lunch or something, everyone in the family gets a ‘cupcake’ for dessert so it’s less of ‘you need to eat this’ and moreso ‘yay it’s a fun party, we all get cupcakes!’

Could also add more sugar to the recipe to make it more like a cupcake than a muffin. As long as you don’t mess with the amount of egg or the baking temp/time, it should be the same I’d assume?