I'd argue that it's not purely alcoholics that al-anons are hooked on. It's addicts in general. I remember the first time my therapist told me that I have an addiction too, but it's to the type of relationship I'm in with an addict. My Q is not an alcoholic, he's addicted to meth instead. But I have been with an alcoholic before. And boy oh boy, I was pissed when I first heard her say that! I just completely pushed it aside and pretended she never said it. How could anyone be addicted to this pain?? And although I still have a bit of inner push back to it, I can see it. You know what's crazy? After lurking in some meth recovery subs, a lot of addicts apparently think their addiction makes no sense too. They hate it...and yet, the cycle continues. Just like us...until something changes nothing will change.

Like, they can question us, but we can't question them? When someone can't reflect on their actions and take some responsibility, any questioning comes off as an attack on their person...

My previous partner, who was also using meth, also accused me of being a narcissist. Which baffled me because if there's one thing i know I'm not, it's that. He was so messed up by that point that he sent me a link to some online personality test, and I did it just to get him off my back, and shockingly it worked. I'm not saying for you to do that...it amazes me to this day that he accepted that as proof that I wasn't.

My most recent partner, also on meth (yes, that's 2 in a row...they didn't start out on meth when I met them), accuses me of "not being myself" when I'm angry, frustrated, and so on...and uses it as proof that I'm actually someone else, or that I'm up to something nefarious. As if it's impossible that I could ever be upset or frustrated or sad or fucking tired and despairing at his drug use. I've tried to explain it, but he hasn't been able to wrap his mind around it, yet.

Is it narcissism? Clinically you can't say for sure unless and until their sober. Does it feel and look like narcissism? Hell yes. It's projecting. It's gaslighting. This is what active addiction looks like. It's the devil making them do and say anything so that it can continue to live inside our loved ones.

For me, I only know I've reached my limit when I'm there. I've drawn so many lines in the sand and then just stepped right over them. I've moved my own goal posts and gaslit myself. I hope that you are more self-assured than I am.

I don't understand how someone would not take off shoes while in the house? Like, do you just get dressed and then put on shoes and chill like that all day? Putting your feet up on the couch? Cooking? What happens when you just have a chill day and don't leave the house? You just keep shoes on for no reason? Genuine questions..not trying to be a jerk..

But yes, shoes come off at the door. If they're wet they go on a shoe mat. I keep season appropriate shoes near the door. I have two little decprative baskets, one for everyday shoes and one for work shoes. Other shoes go in the closet. No I don't sit on the floor to put them on... I put them on standing, or if my back is not cooperating that day, I sit on a stool at my kitchen island which is right by the door anyway (1 bed, 1bath apartment). My parents, who live in a house, have a little decorative poof stool by the door to sit on if needed.

My best friend from childhood lives on the other side of the country. We see each other about once a year. It's one of those friendships that despite the distance and time apart, when we see each other it's like no time passed at all.

I have a core group of work friends, although I'd say I'm closer with one than the others. Often feel like the odd one out because I'm the only one without kids. Sometimes being childless works to my benefit because I get to go to outings like the Zoo with them and I think I enjoy it more than my work friends (but not as much as the kids lol). We have actually planned a surprise birthday for one of our group because it was a milestone birthday. But honestly, it's hard to see each other outside of work because we work shift work, and their kids vary quite a bit in age and thus their needs. One thing that helps in this situation is that we have a group chat that we use regularly... They are my "newest" friends, having met about 8 yrs ago.

And then I have my other friends. Only 2 of them are mutual friends. This makes my life difficult because as an introvert who was adopted by many extroverts, keeping up with individuals is way harder than keeping up with a group (for me), because it involves making many plans instead of one plan and seeing everyone at once. I'm not always good at keeping up and I wish I was better at it.

I primarily work in an area where hugs, and even hand shakes, are a bad idea. I'll offer a fist bump instead. Only once has a patient initiated the hug so quickly that I was only able to side step so it was them giving me a one-armed side squeeze, and thank god that's all it was...he suddenly realized he wasn't supposed to do that and apologized, which was actually kind of funny due to his....personality and issues. Sometimes I work on a med-surg unit, and I still don't like hugging, but if I do it'll be a one-armed hug with maybe a pat on the back, and only if initiated by the patient. Which rarely happens anyway. I accepted/returned a hug from a guy last week who I worked with over a few shifts, was scared, alone, was in for something stagmatizing, had gotten life-altering news on my shift, and wasn't out of the woods yet. He asked for one at the end of my shift when I told him I wouldn't be back the next day.

Thank you. I guess I just needed to get feedback from some dog people, as I've never had my own dog (parents did while I grew up but it's not the same). In my heart I felt that this was the right option. I wish there was a better option, somehow, but I can't think of any.

I have had acne since I was 12, im 34 now...and part of my fidgeting is to pick. As an adult I have literally worn mittens at home to try to stop. It only helped, kind of, in the winter lol I've banned myself from turning on lights in the bathroom unless I'm showering or otherwise absolutely need to...banned myself from those close-up mirrors... some days I can't wash my face at night because I know I'll get sucked in and start picking. I keep dental floss picks in my living room so I floss/fidget with those instead of feeling my skin instead. Sigh.

Ugh, so much electrical tape! And batteries!

Mine would do that too. Sometimes it was obvious what he was searching for (batteries, tape, tools), other times he'd just take something random like an old pair of keys (that didn't work in my new lock) and tape them up with electrical tape... A few times I noticed my stuff being just barely misplaced, but it was obvious he rifled through my clothes and closet...eventually he admitted to looking for drugs. Which made me wonder if he hid drugs in my stuff, like a squirrel caching a nut.

I tried a similar thing with my bf last spring... I was not prepared for the complete chaos that was about to envelope my life. I'm still picking up the pieces and not really sure what is going to happen now... You can skim my post history to get an idea...

Your story may have a different outcome, and I truely hope it does if you see this through.

You're not responsible for him deciding to use and then drive. You're not responsible for who attends the call or what happens when they get there. That is decided by first responders who assess the risks of the call, and the behavior of the person when they arrive. You're only responsible for stopping him before he continued to drive a steel cage with explosive gas powering it while intoxicated, potentially preventing him from hurting himself, you, and others.

If a child had been in that car, would you feel just as bad for calling? If he had gotten into an accident, would you have been able to live with it?

I know it's a shitty situation. I've called police on my guy, thinking they'd just strong-arm him out of my home...instead he got tazed 3x and a bunch of charges. I empathize with your guilt... But you are not responsible for the outcome. You were responsible for preventing harm, and you did. You did the right thing.

Thank you for your words of encouragement...you have no idea how much they mean. I know I haven't done everything right, but I am trying my best to walk the line between being compassionate and treating him like the human I know he is, and not enabling. And fuck it's hard, especially when I feel like everyone else placed themselves on the far end of "do nothing so as not to enable by accident".

He has not used the term "gangstalking" but his friend, who has fought this war before, has... My friend also thinks that portals open... that's how he hears "Them" and can accomplish his special mission. But only if he's high. But I've heard him talk to "Them"...and they don't tell him anything other than awful things about global problems that he (obviously) cannot fix on his own, but believes he can. Or things that are (obvious to me) completely not true...such as how my neighbour's are speaking to him and are actually corrupt police and they move apartments every so often, or that certain people he's met before (that I also know) are corrupt police, and they're all out to kill me. When he describes meeting my neighbors (he hasnt) he describes people who do not match their descriptions whatsoever. Or "They" try to talk to me, in which case he goes ballistic cause he wants to protect me from Them... What's crazy to me is that he was so focused on being a martyr and wanting to protect me/us, but isn't able to see that the bad things happened because of his actions. Like when the police first got involved, it's cause I had to call them at 1am because he thought I was possessed by another soul, was refusing to leave my apartment, and putting weapon-like objects around my house. If he had left, I wouldn't have called the cops. It was my last resort, after calling 2 mental health services. The best thing for him to do to truely protect himself and me would be to never touch that shit again. But I cant explain that in a way he understands.

It's crazy cause I definitely feel that meth is a demon too... I know people talk about seeing or hearing demons while high, but when I've looked into his eyes when hes reached a certain point I see the demon in there. But I know it's not him... Like, it's ironic... His one friend actually called me the week before he got sent to remand, after they worked together for the day, asking wtf was going on with him (cause he didn't realize the extent of the situation. Up until that point, it had only been me and one other person who seen him at his worst) and he said the same thing...that he saw a devil in his eyes.

Thank you for your response. Even though I know the delusions might be a long term issue, in case they're not it's nice to have some kind of idea what the timeline might look like...

Well that's part of his problem. He never stopped or slowed down the further down the rabbit hole he went. He'd only stop when his body shut itself down from going too many days without sleep, if he ran out, or ended up in hospital...or jail, this time. But after coming out of acute withdrawals he'd at least not act on his paranoid thoughts even if they were there. But he still thought he had unfinished business "finding out the truth" and stuff... But now I'm wondering if he can't yet take stock of the reality of his situation yet because he still thinks his delusions are real, despite being sober. And of that's the case, how long should I expect it to take for him to start to see things more clearly? His actions on his delusions have had a direct impact on my life...and I don't think he truely realizes it right now.

I definitely feel like this sometimes. Often it happens when I'm extremely stressed...but sometimes there's no rhyme or reason. And it's been happening since I was a kid... I'll feel hungry, but the thought of putting anything in my mouth makes me feel sick. When it happens I try to make myself a protein shake (a struggle on its own because I haven't yet found a protein powder I like, and I got turned off of Boost/Primer Protein after I found chunks in a few bottles). When it's really bad I can get hypoglycemic, so remind myself that eating anything is better than nothing, so I try not to judge myself too harshly if the only thing I can eat is junk, or snacks like jerky, yogurt, and a few raw veggies. By now I know that it comes in cycles, and eventually I'll just snap out of it and I'll feel like eating again. I always struggle with wanting/motivating myself to cook because I hate it, and I never know what I want to eat...but if someone makes food I will eat it and I'm not picky.

Thank you! 💚

No, I meant remand, not rehab. Where i am, remand is essentially jail, but it's where you go while you're awaiting court/trial while still being held in custody. They do have medical and mental health services, and a gen-pop area.

I do actually think he had underlying mental health issues prior to his addiction, specifically depression and anxiety issues (which he has admitted to me, but has never has an official diagnosis). What it looks like to me right now, is like schizoaffective disorder...which I'm hoping is transient and will resolve once he's had some time being sober. But he is very secretive about his thoughts, and when hes sober he can hide symptoms. He has gotten out of several involuntarily hospitalizations by just not admitting to anything, not talking, and essentially weaponizing silence.

r/naranon is also a good page to peruse if you feel you need a community other than alanon :) You don't have to be alone 💚

For my guy (who smokes/smoked it) I found that the rage happens when he's at a psychotic peak and he's acting on whatever paranoid he's got. I've seen a milder version of tje rage when hes on day 3-4 of his withdrawal, but mostly it seems to be emotional dysregulation due to withdrawal...a lot of clumsiness and crying and frustration because of all that.

My last bf switched to IV. He died from an overdose (stash was tainted with carfentanyl) within a few months of him switching.

I dunno if it's harder to quit smoking vs IV, but I do know that risks such as bloodborne illnesses and abscesses and infection can increase with IV use.

Sucks that you're in this situation. I don't really have any good answers for you, but I empathize for sure.

Also, I 100% feel the same about what you said about sex. Which sucks, cause I really enjoyed sleeping with my partner, and I'm not usually the type of person that can enjoy it with just anyone. And to have that ruined because it feels like it wasn't really him anymore was just the moldy cherry on top of the while situation.

Yep. Every time I open a bag of snacks I pause for a second to think about where I can safely place the bag near me because I anticipate having to fight off a begging kitty. But then I remember I can actually just put it beside me on the couch now... I still rinse out the sink after I use mouthwash or use face wash because I don't want her accidentally ingesting it when she plays in the sink...or used to play in the sink. Or when I get into bed, I have a moment where I think I'll hear a little thump beside me... And I still scan the floor when I walk so I don't accidentally step on her... It's been 7 months 😞