Your reaction speaks more about the regard and feelings you have for your wife than any judgement against her. I think that's the core of your feelings. You have to recognize how you feel about her and what she means to you. You know in your mind that you had to agency prior to your relationship/marriage to her, and that you were different people then. Give yourself a break, recognize how much you love her and love her equally in response. Do things for her, show your love, act on the joy you know is in your marriage.

Peace!

I congratulate you on your patience and loving kindness, those are always the right things to be even if you have unpleasant things to convey. What is revealed in your post looks like your wife has some issues with those two qualities in her own conduct. This may be a matter best left to couples counseling, a step that might be helpful, though based on what you've shared she might be resistant. Everybody benefits from coaching, no matter how in command we might think we are, there is always a way to learn more and be better. That might be an approach that your wife would respond to, especially if you pointed out the even Tom Brady always had coaches.

This sounds very stressful and hard. Sometimes we can gain perspective if we inventory the relationship; what's good, what you love about each other and why you're married in the first place. From there you map out the path going forward, recognizing where you need support and help, where you can be patient, resilient, loving and kind to both yourselves, and each other. If surgery is in the future, it may solve a problem, and things will improve. I had a bad habit of always wanting things to work out the way I wanted them to, and I'd get really frustrated if something interfered with that. It took me a long time to learn how I tortured myself by being so obsessed with things having to go I planned for them to, especially when I realized outcomes were available that weren't exactly what I planned, but in the end were fine. That may not be your situation, but the process of getting past it for me was to realize that I needed more resilience, patience, determination, and kindness. I with you the best!

I completely understand! Cheers!!

He sounds like a moron.

I didn't post this to cause anyone hurt or anxiety, but I understand. I also should have pointed out how outstanding so many people are who aren't necessarily outstanding physically but experiencing them still is a wow experience. Also, it is still a pretty subjective concept, and there is to each his/her own. My wife is a lovely, sweet girl, and I'm sure that informs my opinion of her appearance.

Unfortunately, neither artificial nor intelligent, just wondering.

Enough said, I didn't presume that you didn't, but sometimes some guys don't.

I totally support appreciating her beyond looks. My wife is a total sweetheart of a woman, soft, gentle, kind, sweet, and it compliments her appearance perfectly. Intellectually she has always grown and evolved, and I love how she has developed as a person, and influenced me as well.

I understand their confidence about these things. My wife's attraction for me has always been her face, big brown eyes, perfectly sculpted cheek bones. Her figure was lovely, sylph like. Today at 61 she is still thin, but with a much more generous chest, which she finds embarrassing, and I find delightful! My strategy in complimenting that feature is to emphasize the beauty of her skin rather than the abundance. Such problems, I know!

Many of the posters here have mentioned the spiritual, physical connection as a component in their experience. I wish you luck in your future adventures.

I suppose humblebrag could be suspected but wasn't my deliberate intent. My situation is how often I feel like a goof ball because of how often I simply can't restrain my admiration and appreciation. I am truly happy for you and know how it feels. I'll have to think about humblebrag, great term!

I feel exactly the same way. Thanks for responding and congratulations.

What are your approaches to other aspects of your marriage? Are you attentive to her in other ways besides sex? Do you two split household stuff in a way that you're BOTH comfortable with? Do you pay attention to her at time where sex isn't the goal? How do the two of you show love to each other? These questions are not to point blame at you, but depending on where you are on these there might be opportunity for you to help her access her sexuality with non-sexual things you do.

To a man who truly loves you, your health would be his first concern. He might also like it if you kept in shape for appearance reasons, but my wife's health is more important.

I really respect your candor about yourselves, it makes any degree of vanity allowable!

By no means was my comment intended to suggest that your husband only finds you attractive due to his feelings, but more to allow for how our feelings inevitably influence our perceptions in both good and bad directions. My pretty wife would tell me she thinks she's "ok looking", and though I know my feelings about her enhance my overall perceptions, I can also say it was love at first sight the first time I saw her, and I didn't know her at all as we were meeting for the first time without any previous knowledge of each other. Knowing her certainly makes her even more attractive.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and love provides a filter that can elevate many observations.

It sounds like she is a spoiled, entitled brat who has tantrums when she doesn't get her way. How does she act when she cools down? Is she ever contrite? Is she approachable about this if in the right mind? The reason I ask is to determine if there's any potential for her to work through this terrible behavioral pattern, if not, then you need to protect yourself and your kids. Separation and divorce might be inevitable, but with her inability to manage her temper I'd be concerned about the kids being exposed to that without protection.

It's been the only I've had, and it's lovely!

She may see interests, qualities, strengths, and talent in you that you may not be as aware of and would like to engage them. Just trying to look at the bright side.

Did you ask her what she meant? I'd ask her before a group of strangers who have no context in your relationship.

I always called the Saint Saen's 3rd, last movement Heavens Doorbell. Good choice!