The line between I don’t want to do that and kinkshaming is certianly a difficult one…
FWIW. M60 F66 36 yr relationship 33 married. She has never ONCE has had an orgasm with me. She cannot masterbate to an orgasm and, she says, she's never had one, other than in her sleep about every two months. Kinda goes without saying we together = not great sex, and for years now doesn't indulge in any of my favorite kinks as she says they always lead to UTIs.
"Dave" (real name) couldn't make her cum either, but she certianly has spoken wistfully about him. As you may guess I'm def. by far the HL in the relationship. I think I'd be daily she'd be once every two weeks, if that. We've settled on a scheduled every-other-night that works out to 3x a week. Once I understood (from reddit) concepts like "pity sex" I got really pissed for a bit. Untill the therapist said "rustler. lemee tell ya. A woman doesn't do something 3x a week for 20 years she hates."
So. Be the fuck thankful YOU get 20%. Me? I accept things as they are. I accept that I don't get every little thing I want. Life's a compromise.
Wait, this makes way too much sense. I mean, where is the fun in that?
So let me get this straight.
You reject him for years = everything's fine.
You don't reject him = "...a very conscious choice to force myself into that mindset."
He rejects you for short time = "confused and frustrated"
Have I got that right? Am I missing something?
I gotta admit, I'm old and stupid, but I dunno. Maybe "...hey person that I love more than anything in the world. I understand, now, just how much rejection hurts..." Or maybe continue the games. I mean, what could go wrong 🙄🙄
We went 6/13& 6/14. Booked tuscany and a rental car before considering weather and long before Tuscany became dead central. Loved Tuscany but our plans to visit hoover dam, west rim, etc. quickly became sitting in the pool with a beer. In retrospect did not need a car AT ALL. was quite underwhelmed with Meow wolf, area 51 etc. but LOVED the pinball HoF. Wish we'da hit the neon sign museum...and DON'T miss the dead forever expo @ venetian. Every inch of the expo was fun fun fun!!
she won't go to a therapist/counselor/anything with me, she won't even really talk to me about what to do
Jesus bro. Ask her to try therapy
"Jesus bro." read much?🙄🙄
Jesus bro. Did you even READ the post? or just react to the title?
OP. I strongly suggest you search / read "Gottman pursuer-distancer." Either you accept the way things are, or you blow the fuckin marriage up. Which your plan will certainly do. Me? I strongly think you need to blow things up; that's the only way she EVER changes.
And no, a sexless marriage is not a great marriage. It's roommates. Which she seems perfectly fine with.
Im so jealous.
Me. Too. So, so much of these reddits are about NRE cloaking what are VERY big compatibility problems...through the commitment...then the problems rear their ugly heads. So awesome to see serendipitous compatibility.
Lotta wisdom in this post. A whole lot. Hope OP listens, but, OTOH, the DB reddits will NEVER go otta business...
IMO, the original post gets right at the heart of the AirBnB problem. Hosts see AirBnB as an aggregator of the rental pool, particularly for properties close to major amenities (beach, mountain, etc.). We, as hosts, do NOT give a $hit about your vacation, your sick brother, your parents, your dog. The price we charge is what it is. if you don't like the price don't rent. That. F#cking. Simple.
"Guests" (HATE that term) increasingly see us as responsible for ALL aspects of their experience and if it's not what they expect we take ALL the blame, because for sure the guest is NEVER responsible. The guest will just manufacture reasons why WE are responsible for their problems.
The whole model is just f#cked.
We regularly did short-term rentals say 1990-2007, and beyond, through rental companies. I think our first VRBO rental was 2007. It never once even entered my thoughts to complain about a property. If we didn't like it then we just didn't come back, but we NEVER would see it as the host's problem.
"Guests." Get over yourself. if "hospitality" is what you expect STAY IN A GODDAMNED HOTEL.
OP
And then make sure you suggest sex at the time given in your rain check.
This is CRITICAL. In the context of a committed LTR libedo differences are quite likely, and it is critical that they are identified and dealt with quickly. Esp. before kids. Sweeping that difference under the "oh just relax we will tomorrow" rug is a recipe for a bitter relationship full of resentment.
The simple fact is initiation IS risk. Few things hurt the HL in a marriage more than blowing off that initiation risk like it doesn't exist, and NEVER following up.
these type questions get asked from time to time, easy to forget the island is only about 25k perm inhabs. You can never go wrong with the HH Tavern, and they'll likely have the game on the big screen.
ahem. Watch me. Boom and then in.
Updateme
IKR? we get invested only to NEVER find out what happens :-/
Textbook gottman persuer-distancer. To your original question ABSOULTELY. Strongly recommend you find and read the gottman paper on Persuer - distancer, and in particular focus on how the situation will resolve itself without intervention. THEN share that with your spouse and make sure she understands how this ends. Ultimately the only bargaining chip the pursuer has is their feet, and it sadly plays out here at least weekly, complete with the late stage love bombing by the distancer.
you may also want to read this and make sure she reads it. Beautifully describes where I think all of us want to go.
https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover30/comments/rswevf/sexual_friendship_in_a_ltr/
Libedo differences are treacherous, ultimately we deserve a partner that we can get, at the least, to a livable compromise with. Godspeed.
the Insatiable and Taboo series are excellent time period "films," with all the "stars" from that era...would also suggest hunting down Hardcore with George C. Scott. Will give you a lot of "alternate" insight and perspective into that time.
the direction AirBnB is going is simply not sustainable for owners. I mean, we have NO control over pet policy anymore. 😡😡
Own / Rent / plan to retire there soon. DM if/as needed.
we will stop renting our property.
I don't know what "that last part" is. can you quote it?
What I often say to guests in this situation is I explain that we don't allow last minute rescheduling but if they want to cancel and book the new dates I will refund any nights that do happen to get booked by another guest, I don't need to get paid twice.
Brilliant. i had this exact thing happen recently and I just didn't respond to the request. So, of course, I get the retaliatory rating 🙄🙄probably would have gotten it anyways though. Renters are just so damn entitled now.
It's a business and they know the rules and if they don't that's not your problem. The thing is, think of it this way.
I make a reservation and for whatever reason right before checkin I want out. So I ask to reschedule out far enough that I can then cancel without penalty.
Each time we talk, I get the same old thing...
We sit on the beach (folly field) and they go off for about an hour all over the island with plenty good views.
4th of July
hiltonhead