My therapist always mentions how I adapted to living in chaos and I always just sort of let that go without really understanding it.

Well, I finally had her explain it to me in a way I could understand. Basically, it meant I grew up not having any structure or routine in my life. Or very, very minimal. I never really thought about that or how most people live their lives like that. It also definitely makes me more aware of why I feel more comfortable in uncertainty, even if it does stress me out. And why life just felt boring outside of that.

Well I have finally succeeded in seeing the benefit of a daily routine and what it feels like.

I've been making a strong effort and it hasn't been too long yet, but I'm already feeling calmer. Like I don't have to think as much about the day or what I am going to be doing next - it is sort of becoming habit and I can really start to let go and just "go with the flow."

I'm not beating myself up trying to force myself to go to the gym after work because I sort of just already accepted it as a stepping stone in the flow and routine of my day.

I feel accomplished by the end of the day even if I haven't done anything different or special. I feel accomplished just hitting new steps in the day like finishing work, finishing the gym, etc.

I am finding it easier to fit things into my day because I know or sort of know when Ill have time down that I'm relaxing or will have the energy to deal with it.

I'm even looking forward to new routines I want to implement - like starting a morning routine instead of waking up 2 minutes before I need to leave for work. Or a solid bedtime routine of winding down and relaxing.

I feel a bit weird that it's been 2.5 years of trauma therapy so far and I'm just realizing and learning this, but it's a win and I'll take it :)

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EDIT: Wow, didn't expect to get such a response! Thank you all and I really hope it works well for you too!