“How did you lose the weight?”

This is so relatable. I’m also down around 70 pounds. People ask all the time, and I tell them the real answer, which is that I started seeing a dietitian, learned that my diet was severely lacking in fiber, started learning to love beans and lentils, slowly transitioned to being 90% plant based, drank a lot more water, started moving my body more as I felt better, started intermittent fasting, etc. etc. By about halfway through the spiel I see their eyes glaze over and realize they don’t actually care because the answer isn’t something like keto or ozempic.

Nobody wants the real answer, they all just want to hear that they just need to stop eating carbs or whatever. They don't want to hear about learning how caloric foods are, or how you should learn how certain foods make you feel better or more full (or gasp, that you need to pay attention to your own body on this one instead of someone on instagram or TV for this one). They especially don't want to hear that drinking is working against them.

Someone i hadn't seen in a long time recently asked me if I did it by cutting out bread, like where are have we landed where thinking that cutting out bread alone legitametely leads to someone to losing 120 lbs. It was at a bbq where I literally had bread on my plate.

In answer to this question, after getting tired of people asking it, I once said, "ritual sacrifice", and smiled. WIthout missing a beat, the person (a doctor, no less) said "Oh! Where'd you get the children?". I laughed like a loon.

I was interested to find out that one of my husband’s coworkers (after having seen me at the summer family day outing) asked him how I lost my weight and he told her that I counted my calories and her response was a disappointed, “awwwwww.”

My sister decided to lose weight after I lost 50 lbs and instead of talking to me about how I did it (CICO & IF), she bought a bottle of diet pills that were expensive and surprise surprise didn’t work! And after that, still not interested in how I did it / following what worked for me. We are really close so this surprised me! I have learned since losing weight that people are so weird in so many ways. All you can do is shrug & move on.

Yes, I've had similar. And. like you, they tend to not like the answer as it involved altering habits and lifestyle, along with the diet, but I am so much happier and better off for it.

The most fun is when someone argues with me over it. No, I tried Keto for four months and it was a disaster. I tried other fad diets, including my parents putting me on this messed up cabbage soup diet when I was 13 which screwed me up for a long time, and they all ended in disaster.

Oh, and a couple people have told me there's no way I could have lost that much without surgery. I don't know why people insist that. Having surgery isn't something I'd hide. I considered it, but it turned out not to be needed.

The one that finally worked and I've since been maintaining can be summed up as, "Eat healthy, not too much, mostly plants, and move daily."

Anyway, I think it's part of a jealousy reaction many have when seeing nearly any kind of success. Like, "I could have been a pro athlete if I only had the right coaches and been scouted," or "I could sing just as well as that person, s/he just got the right break," or, "I could have had my own company, too, if I had his/her connections," etc.

EDIT: PS and most importantly, Congratulations on your success!

"I changed my lifestyle", always a headscratcher.

I just say “I started walking in the mornings” - short and sweet.

I lead with "get a divorce" and laugh. I was served almost 6 months ago and joke about it now. I also quit alcohol around the same time and have been going to AA meetings ever since. Those 2 are big changes I've made and also everything you've mentioned OP. Great advice!

 I lost a 120 by simply counting my calories. I didn't stop eating sweets, I didn't stop eating bread and I didn't start exercising, although I do work a pretty physically demanding job.

Some at in my strength training class at the gym asked me how I lost 25 lbs in 4 months. I hadn’t seen her in a few weeks. Apparently her loss had stalled. I explained that I worked out 4 days a week, did 16:8 or 18:6 intermittent fasting, cut out all processed foods and sugary drinks and logged my meals. I could see her eyes glossing over as I spoke.

I have three rules that work to keep me honest. 1) Never eat anything I don’t like just because it’s good for me. 2) Never eat anything that’s not nutritionally advantageous. 3) Count all my calories. So far so good.

I would just give them the short version. If they’re actually interested in details, they’ll probably ask.

I relate SO MUCH to the healing your mind bit first.

I'm only just really starting and getting into sticking with CICO - I'm a month in and 9 pounds down.

But honestly the only reason I've gotten where I am right now is the 4 years of weekly trauma therapy I'm still in now. I didn't realize I had a binge eating disorder, but I definitely did. And I only noticed I did because now I don't - now I can sit with my feelings and not use food to cope and holy shit that was my only coping method for SO long.

I never understood what people meant by you need to change your relationship with food but now that I get it... yeah. Definitely.

Ironically, I get the same interactions when it comes to my mental health. People will notice or I'll mention how much better I'm doing, and they ask for the secret. When I mention no secret, just weekly therapy and committing to it. Then they lose interest... tell me they are trying something new they read about, which, good for them I hope it works! But I'm just gonna keep plodding along.

I pretty much just did CICO, and stopped eating McDonald’s 3 x daily, and stopped drinking 3-6 L of soda per day. As of today I’ve lost 50lbs and today was a new low weight for me :) !

Stopped eating cookies. That’s it. I’m shredded like I was in college again. I def don’t work out hard. I am very active though. But I’m predominantly plant based. Walk a lot, just bc.

My short, and really only answer, is “I’m no longer a food addict, I control food, food doesn’t control me” 😊

If only losing weight in modern society was as easy as gaining it, then almost no one would be an unhealthy weight. I can't blame people for wanting to dream.

Same! Everyone wants to know the secret.. I’ve shared what helped me. . I found that of the 10 or so people that I told, few really wanted to do it or lacked the commitment to keep it up. It’s now a year later, the only person that came close to sustained weight loss is a girl at work. I feel she always needs to compete with me so I think she’s doing it for spite. Whatever drives you girl 👍🏼.

I'm down 8lbs and my honest answer for the #1 thing helping me is I drastically increased my protein intake.

Work has been crazy and I have exercised like 5 times this last month.

I drink 64oz of water daily, aim for 126g protein, and track everything I eat/drink.

You are 🤩😍 well done. Proud of you

I usually go with "Oh it was easy, all it took was a lot of introspection, therapy, and completely changing the way I live my life; then the weight just fell off me".

Which is entirely true.

I answer with hard work and dedication.

Shortest, simplest, bite-sized answer? "Calorie Counting" is my go-to.

I lost weight by eating less calories. The only thing I cut out a lot was wine

Literally this. For context I can't eat gluten.

I often sit in the staffroom at work listening to my coworkers discussing their trips to Slimming World or the new diet where they've gotta have nothing but shakes 3 times a day for 4 weeks and then something crazy after it and they've been at it for months or years and they've lost like 7lbs.

When I started this job, I weighed 230lbs, I now sit at around 160lbs and my body fat% has dropped from mid-30s to high teens.

They've asked a couple of times how I did it. I start talking about weight/resistance training a few times a week, the large calorie deficit that is now only a 5-10% deficit as I drop this last 5% body fat. They stare blankly before saying "yeah, well you can't eat bread or cake, can you? Bet that's done it".

All my hard work condensed in to resisting forbidden sandwiches 🙃.

I am in the process of losing, 20 lbs down. But I feel like my success this time was the only rule I applied to myself is does it fit into my daily calorie budget. Personally I get overwhelmed with too many rules of don’t eat this, only eat this, etc and I end up quitting in a magnificent binge eat. With just a calorie budget only I don’t feel deprived.

Also, I started seeing a therapist consistently for some mental health stuff and a side effect of that has been that my relationship with food seems to have entirely changed. I don’t CRAVE sugar anymore, I am not eating out everyday because I literally can’t handle the mental load of figuring out what to cook and cleaning up, etc. It’s honestly the best thing I’ve done for myself, the best way to compare it is that my world was greyscale before and now it’s in full blown technicolor. Not even kidding, all the colors of the world seem brighter and happier.

I do low carb because that is what my body needs but people get frustrated when I say you can’t go back to eating a ton of carbs if that’s how you lost the weight. It won’t stay gone if you start shoving carbs and calories right back down your throat.

I eat a well balanced diet along with working out and people get frustrated when I say that.

I know I literally feel so awkward when someone asks me that. One time I actually got to tell a friend how I did it though because I think she genuinely wanted to learn what worked for me.

Once I was talking with a coworker who I hadn't seen in a while. She had said I looked so much skinner and looked like I lost a lot of weight. She asked how and then I didn't know what to say so she looked at me and said "you're probably just eating nothing" and I just awkwardly laughed.

Weirdly, everyone that's asked me has accepted my answer of "caloric deficit and exercise" without any issues. Mind you not a ton of people have asked me and some of them were healthcare professionals (my doctor was especially happy with my answer). One of the secretaries at my kids' school did come back to me with "how do you count your calories?" Folkowed by "can you help me set-up that app?" Which I was more than happy to do.

People always want a quick, easy solution. Unsurprisingly they’re always disappointed when I answer that I track nutrition and exercise 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Yeah no one wants to hear "I literally get between 20-30k steps on a walking pad and yes it's boring as fuck but I hate counting calories so this lets me get by with smaller portions and better choices... But if you aren't willing to walk for over 3hrs a day you should probably count calories". I normally just say I walk a lot and eat less, but I'm getting a pretty crazy high number of steps.

People seem very disappointed when I tell them that it was through diet not exercise. My short answer is "I stopped eating crap"

I just say diet & exercise. I don't explain counting calories or anything.

I say something like "I workout more and eat less now". XD

Well said 👏

So many people immediately asked me if I had weight loss surgery!

"Eat better, move more." If they ask for details, I say I started by adding extra servings of fruit and vegetables to every meal.

OFC that's not all I did. In a conversation, people usually don't want the full story. They just want a handle to hold onto. They want a sound byte.

These days people assume it’s either Ozempic or some fad diet. It’s never CICO.

Your long answer is beautiful. I'm happy for you!

And what’s super annoying about it is that if you were to give the “long answer” that you outlined above…a lot of responses would be like, “ oh, intermittent fasting, cool.” People pick out ONE thing.

"See food diet. I see food, and I don't eat it."

I’ve started losing weight much faster now that I took my TDEE into consideration and so many people have been infuriated when I tell them I’m eating nearly 2,000 calories a day, walking, and still losing something crazy like 3-4lbs a week. We’ve been so conditioned to think weightloss is only achieved by starving yourself, punishing yourself with exercise and just being generally miserable.

I just say 'Oh I started cycling for my commute'. if they are interested I can explain, but it gives them a neat explanation if they're just being polite.

People ask me that -- I have lost 70 pounds in two years -- and the short answer is the free version of My Fitness Pal and requiring myself to be absolutely honest in using it. The longer answer is to use MFP and get daily exercise by thoroughly cleaning and decluttering my house. Heavy cleaning uses a surprising number of calories.

None of these are popular answers. Everyone wants easy. It requires thinking about how to eat and making decisions about my living environment all the time. But it beats all hell out of being disabled by obesity caused illnesses.

People don't ask me. They simply talk to my husband and ask if I have health issues. He tells them no, she has great control over what she eats and walks. He then looks at me and says you are eating everything but gets puzzled. So if my own husband acts confused, who minored in math, I get the puzzled looks. 🤣

It depends on the person and why they are really asking. I think that most of the time I hear this question, they are really just making polite conversation and asking for a comment about your achievement. I usually just pick a couple of things to mention like being more aware of what I eat and developing an exercise program. I rarely get asked for more information about what I do and we transition the conversation to something else. The few people who do ask for more usually want encouragement if they are trying to lose weight.

“Calorie counting”

Seriously 😂 the first time around for me i lost a whole ass person (200+ lbs) and when folks would ask me that I wanted to tell them well, I stopped stuffing my fat face 😂😂😂

This time around my mother and I started "dieting" at the same time and shes upset shes not losing anything. I try to teach her about calorie counting but she don't wanna hear it.

Congrats

I used to lean in real close, look into their eyes and say, " I'll tell ya, but you won't like it....eat less".

I relate so hard to this post OP.

When people do insist on knowing my routine and I'm honest and get the side eye/disappointed reaction, I just point out that no one would be overweight if losing weight was easy/simple.

I mean, the mechanics behind weight loss really is that simple (calories in, calories out), but everything else around it is so hard and people just want to hear some simple quick answer.

Give them the opposite of what you did. Say you ate alot of bad foods & didn’t exercise and the weight fairies blessed you 😂. Fr, ppl don’t truly want to “know”, they want you to validate their opinions on your changes. If they truly wanted to know; you’d know the difference

For me it was primarily prepping meals for lunch / OMAD most days minus the weekend and cutting out snacking, soda (0cal occasionally), and drinking except for special occasions.

Im 5"11 and set my calorie deficit to be around 1500 knowing I would probably under count and be closer 1750-2000. Weekends probably closer to 2,500 with more variety and usually 2-3 meals / snacks.

For exercise I have not done a whole lot other than walking indoor cycling and occasional yoga. Started walking for 30-45min on good days during my lunch.

Indoor cycling on bad days at home, or occasionaly when watching something for about 30m-1hr. Yoga to help with some back and joint pain still very much a beginerr. Since actively tracking a year and a half ago I've lost 90lbs.

Thanks for this post. I'm somewhere in the middle of this journey, and just shy of the highest number the scale has ever read. But you've reminded me that even that is progress.

Just learning that my methods won't be a fad diet or some magic shake is still part of the process. The changes will keep coming, and I'll continue to make self discoveries that will keep me on the path.

This journey feels so arduous at times, because it is. There's no "just" doing anything. All of it is hard and every day is it's own challenge. But knowing someone else out there can do it gives me hope, and an example.

Thank you.

I understand now that it is an insanely complex problem given where we are as a society and the normal access to foods we have. Previous generations couldn’t pack in calories so easily.

This is really amazing! And took hard work and determination! Hopefully you are proud of yourself and what you accomplished.

Can I have the longer answer and you tell me how did you started loving yourself? Step by step guide, asking for a friend.

Yeah years ago when I lost weight my grandma kept asking, "What did you cut out?". I didn't cut out anything so I just said I worked out and ate in moderation. She wasn't satisfied with my answer until I said I cut out something.

My short answer is “the hard way”.

Unless I know they're looking for serious help I just tell people "Going vegan and river swimming". Seeing as hardly anyone wants to go vegan and no one is going freshwater swimming in English weather they normally shut right up 🤫.

Let me tell you my experience, as someone who has asked that question. I wanted the real answer, and I got "eat less, exercise more" over and over again. And it... wasn't sustainable or enough on its own. When you assume that someone only wants a simple fix, and you give them a simple answer, how can you fault them for trying a simple solution to their complicated problem and ... failing?

As someone who has had a lifelong poor relationship with food, it did take a lot of therapy and community to heal - but nobody irl tells you that. I figured it out, but I can't help but think someone could have saved 16 year old me a lot of time.

I think that the last answer of your post would be a better one sentence answer, "There’s no one size fits all, you have to listen to your body and do what works for you." Or better yet, "I started by loving myself and loving myself allows me to continue despite the difficulties." But ultimately, I'd want the long answer.

For me, I just say no carbs, no sugar, and plenty of running

What worked for me was less of being super strict with my diet, and more of lowering my portions and still eating some of the foods I enjoy while keeping it in my calorie limit (otherwise I would cave within two weeks and go back to binge eating) but that wouldn’t work for everybody so it’s very true that you need to find solutions that work for you, everyones bodies are different and stay strong!! You got this 🫶

"Ate less bro"

After seeing that I had lost some weight one of my wife’s friends was complaining how she is unable to lose weight. I told her all she needs is 2 months, $25 (for the food scale) and 20 mins a day (to track calories) to lose 6-8 lbs. Initially she thought I had some miracle drug or diet, when I told her about CICO and tracking calories she thought it was too hard and it would never work. This despite I was right in front of her as proof that it is working. I don’t know why but people want something fancy.

I relate to this so much. My recent response has been ‘I did the work.’

This is a great post and it got me thinking. Fitness in many ways is an outward expression of mental, physical and even spiritual health. This is also why we find physically fit people more attractive. That’s just evolutionary biology’s selection process. The healthier our mate, the higher the likelihood of our genetic survival. At any rate, holistic wellness is so crucial to leading a happy and fulfilling life. And by “holistic” I mean comprehensive. It took me well into middle age to finally figure this out. Part of the problem I think is the symptom orientation of modern society. Meaning, for example, oh, you have a headache? Here is an aspirin. Instead of, what is your diet, how much water do you drink? Oh, you’re dehydrated, that’s why you have a headache. Learn to drink more water.

"The CICO diet"

"How does it work?"

"You add up all the carbs, fat, and protein for your day...then ignore that number in lieu of calories, which have to be a lesser number than the number that would keep one at their current weight."

"Oh, carbs keto protein vegan weight watchers carnivore?"

"Yeah sure whatever, just eat less calories"

I had to go through these same things, people wanted a straight one word answer and they will use everything in the world to make it upside down like ohh doesn’t that thin your hair, doesn’t it make you eat more etc etc.

I dont think they need a long answer, they dont care really! Only people that need help is the kind to that would genuinely wanna know.

I had many people always asking me am i dieting? Am i dieting? It get sooo annoying

Like shut upp! It like eating normal food nithing different!!

Good, that was what was the issue with people! I was asked about my diet so many times as if i have some crazy secrett im telling foe no reason!

I tell people I eat ice cream and pizza every day. They're disappointed to find out it's canned chicken crust pizza and protein ice cream.