There is too much self praise

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There's a fine line between being confident and being vain.

I am so smart! S M R T

90% of the time I see self praise, it is just being used by someone trying to improve their self esteem.

Idk, I just don't see any problem with this. It doesn't seem to cause any harm and makes people feel good.

 but maybe let others be judge of that!

Letting others decide for you whether or not you like the things you make is a toxic way to live tbh. Self-validation is one of the things I struggle with, so being able to simply look into a mirror and say "I look pretty good" is a battle sometimes. 

Don't worship yourself like Kanye, but be able to at least be able to praise yourself for accomplishments. 

The most confident people I know NEVER go bragging about themselves. They just do their own thing.

Are you a millennial? We're programmed to be self deprecating. When having discussions with gen z I notice they constantly talk themselves up. I thought they were just cocky at first but I think it's more of a culture thing. It pisses me off at first and then I realized what do I care what someone thinks about them self? Shit maybe I can take some notes and quit insulting myself constantly.

It’s good to have self confidence, but some people take it way too far..I’ve seen a lot of it at my retail jobs where people think they’re so irreplaceable and the business would crumble without them..like you’re a cashier, they can and will replace you on the spot if need be.

Oh, I am so funny!" Good for you buddy, but maybe let others be judge of that!

No. I alone decide what is funny

Your example is definitely true. People outright saying something about their overall personality is annoying.

If you are funny then it will show without straight saying it. If you are attractive, others will likely let you know. You can feel it on the inside but outright projecting it directly like that is for sure creepy.

lol not overselling yourself and waiting for others to compliment your abilities is the safest way to go nowhere.

do you think warohl or Picasso waiting for people to exclaim how good their work was?

do you go to job interviews and hope they just figure out how good you are, or do you tell them you are the best?

But what if I'm the only one who finds me funny? Am I allowed to tell myself that I'm funny then?

Well, my mom thinks im cool

I mean, if you are cocky about it yeah. But I know more people who absolutely hate themselves than people who praise themselves.

So only allow someone to get validation and self-worth from other people?! That sounds like a horrible idea. Just because you aren’t confident in yourself doesn’t mean that other people being confident in themselves makes them cocky.

The meek will inherit the Earth, sure, but from people who weren't. If you don't want to wait for Jesus to come back for your time in the Sun, a little pride is okay. Too much is bad, obviously, but the usual messaging from the world is "you suck" so it's healthy to have some self love too.

I really think we’ve gone too far away from having basic humility.

I don't know if I'm a little cynical but there are people who promote positivity by claiming stuff that they are clearly not and encouraging others to do the same - like how attractive they are, how smart or strong they are etc. Prophecies can only be so self-fulfilling and true mental positivity is accepting and excelling with the tools you have despite your limitations.

Or in other words, a person shouldn't say that they themselves or their creation is cute, smart, etc.

Why not exactly?

Too much self praise by knocking others down

Often times when I hear somebody claim to be intelligent, I find that it is a good indicator that they are the opposite. Likewise funny, a hard worker et c

We ruined Gen Alpha, and Gen Alpha is ruining Reddit.

Any man who must say, “I am king” is no true king.

If you receive any praise, let it not be from your own mouth.

Upvote for unpopularity. What I hate more than anything is false modesty. People should be proud of everything they choose to put their time and effort into. Everyone should be their own best advocate.

But I also think this pride should be divorced from comparison. Putting others down, even implicitly, should be where we draw the line of vanity. Self-righteousness and failure to recognize others' equal right to pride is where it becomes distasteful.

Yes, it's hard when you are as amazing as I am. Fortunately I am so incredibly humble that you don't notice it.

I like to do it as a joke, “but I am literally perfect” can be so funny sometimes

If you don’t appreciate yourself no one else will. I’m not going to wait around for validation from others.

As someone who is incapable of saying something good about myself, I admire those that can say what they have made or done is good without having to be self deprecating. I am envious of those that aren't super critical of their own work to the point they can't enjoy it.

I'm a chef, and people tell me I'm a good one, but I feel really weird ever saying that I'm good at it. But I am good at it, and I make food that I'm proud of but I should be able to say that it's good too.

I think people are missing the point. No one is saying you need validation from others. It’s those who automatically think we think the same as them about their talent / looks / style / work etc just because they think something they did / do is amazing, doesn’t automatically make it amazing to others.

This is silly. Umm no, I don't care if you draw a fucking stick figure, you can be proud and express that verbally.

He's the simple truth, we are our own harshest critics, we too then should be our own hypest hype man.

My favorite part of this post...let others be the judge of that.....why?

Why the fuck should anyone care about anyone's judgement other than their own? Fuck em.

Listen people do yourselves, and dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

I'm so wise.

I think you're more annoyed at online content creators than people being kind to themselves.

I don’t see anything wrong with having self confidence, especially with things that are entirely subjective. We may not find the same things funny and that’s ok. I only see it as a problem if it’s being used to bring others down.

Edit: actually when I was in rehab many people had self-esteem, issues and in group, every day we had to say something that we were good at.

Arrogance and conceit are the centerpiece of society's favorite pastimes.

you're allowed to like yourself and the stuff you make. for most it's an uphill battle against one's internal critic. maybe you should be kinder to yourself if others' confidence makes you this uncomfortable.

That's why confidence is dangerous.

Only be confident when you've got a reason. I know I'm good at some things. Art, writing.

But I know what a twat I can be. I've the personality of a chainsaw and I piss everyone off. It's just my personality flaws. I'm better off not talking unless there's a subject

There's only so many bullets in the friendship gun.

I'm rightly confident where I'm good. But I'm taking no risks were I am flawed.

You have to describe your stuff to sell it. Just do it honestly.

It seems like you are exaggerating how common the example you gave is, making up a group of people just so you can rant about it.

What are you really referring to? I doubt it's an epidemic of people saying "I am so funny!"

If that's your example... It makes me wonder why you don't give a better one if there is weight to your opinion.

If you’re a performer of some sort, just let your act speak for itself, but I don’t really see people talking about how good they are, but rather showing it. If you’ve made some kind of product, you naturally probably should talk about its strengths to sway the consumer. Not to mention taking pride in an achievement should not be hurting anyone else because opinions vary anyway and the most important opinion is your own. Don’t stop creating just because someone else doesn’t believe in you; they likely don’t believe in themselves either.

Natural consequence of telling people they're the product and they have to sell themselves. Now, if you don't do it, people see that as insecurity.

Luckily for me, I’m steeped self hatred.

Is this a cultural thing? I don't encounter too many people that praise themselves or their stuff too much. At most they will say they are proud of something which seems reasonable.

Brother, this is one of the seven deadly sins, what do you mean "unpopular"???

There are so many people I know like this. Especially in the Conspiracy Truther Community

People always say “everything in moderation”

I agree with this.

I get what you’re saying but I have been wondering why we as a society are so against people admitting their strengths. I mean it annoys me too when people brag but why do people love humble people and love to see confident people taken down a notch, like when there’s no wrongdoing involved? Genuinely curious.

What's the point in spending your money if you could live a long life?

Well what else am I supposed to say in a job interview?

All these people insisting that boasting and braggadocio are necessary for 'validation' are, I think, missing the point.

In my experience, those who need to sing their own praises are usually the least sure of their own worth: often for good reason.

Whereas those who are genuinely secure and confident in themselves are able to be humble and let their achievements speak for themselves without having to toot their own trumpets all the time.

This hurts so hard in terms of my Asian side. So much self praise there, and just face culture in general.

Then there is the retail side of thing, just the irony of the rudest customers will always tout they are the best customer they ever had, just because they spent a lot. Sure, maybe it does count, since there are some benefits, like reaching platinum or SSS status after spending $1000+ in the store.

But I guess the point here is, basically an ego thing.

And granted, I might be guilty in this in a way, I place A LOT more value in my various 25x25 pixel trophies from Newgrounds over this nicely made Employee of the Year Cube with a 3D rendering of the company's flagship store. Yet my family will talk about the Cube more than my Newgrounds trophies (though now very old), effectively diminishing my own worth as a visual storyteller and such. Actually tangentially, I guess that's self praise by proxy. You didn't earn the reward, it's your family member, and you're trying to gain ego from that.

Good job, good job, good job, good job,!

I self loath as much as I can

Lol. I spent too much time as a teen hating myself and caring what other people think. I can get a constant huge ego being annoying, but saying flat-out that “a person shouldn’t compliment themselves or their creations ever” is gonna be a hell no from me. I’m not afraid to be happy with who I am and the things I do; I’m not gonna wait for other people to validate me.

I think this is a great post for this sub.

I struggle with not only accepting compliments but giving them to myself. Except for cooking. I am one hell of a cook (it's probably the only thing I do exceptionally well) and when I make something good, I recognize it.

lol no

Nothing wrong with someone gassing themselves up from time to time, not everything is about how others perceive you, sometimes you gotta do stuff for yourself. Like yeah that model I painted does look sick, or my fit does look fresh. Obviously there's a line upon which crossing you enter vain eejit territory. But that's an issue with specific people, not a wider cultural issue.

Dating apps, a small percentage of women: “I’m funny smart and classy”

I don’t need to wait for others to acknowledge my awesomeness. I already know I’m awesome.

People's opinions change like the weather. I honestly don't give a crap about anyone's view of me. Don't like me? Oh well someone else will, don't think I am funny? Oh well, someone else will. If no one else does oh well

That's not truly unpopular, I just feel that society as a whole should be less resentful. It's ok to feel this way as long as you don't really bully or assault people, let them have this little self praise

maybe!! but according to what you say we should make a taboo out of it, and.... noh!

I think that it’s important to give yourself praise and be proud of your own accomplishments. Announcing it to the public is a bit different. You can be proud and not tell everyone about it. I can’t stand people that are vain and cocky. Confidence is great but there is a line to walk.

What do you mean by "or their creation"? If someone works hard on something and does a good job, are they not allowed to praise their work?

I mean, I agree to an extent. When a person is working to improve self esteem and confidence, it’s already a daunting journey. To add rules upon rules on how to do so, would make it nearly impossible for improvement.

Someone said below that it can cause someone to develop a flimsy or arrogant point of view, if not constrained by reality. I think that when we are talking about the ladder here, it would take an act of God to level a person up from self-diminishing and lacking confidence, to arrogant and vain. So, I think that someone with some confidence already in existence can definitely cross that line into cocky and arrogant and quite frankly, annoying, pretty easily. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I think it makes a difference given the context and who the person is.

I can't remember who said it but the quote is along the lines of,

"It is a poor choice, for a man to laugh at his own jokes"

Same gist, let other people decide if it's funny or not, as if you're the only one laughing, you might look a bit of a clown

At the end of the day though, it's a matter of taste, over everything else.

If the worst thing someone is doing is self praising and they are correct about themselves being good at X,Y,Z...

....maybe just leave 'em be

Wait, I'm currently knitting some socks. And the pattern I picked turned out just as cute as I hoped. So.... I'm not allowed to say I knitted cute socks? Cuz I did. I picked a super cool yarn with a pretty gradient on it too. They're for me btw, I made them for me.

Tbh when i say “im so funny” or “im so smart” i mean it like sarcastically or as a little joke after i did something mildly intelligent 

You’re right. I’m proud of myself to have bested the temptation to self-praise. I’m one of the best people in terms of being humble, or at least close to it

Hate this take. If you don’t give yourself validation you will seek it from others and it often becomes unhealthy and toxic. It’s okay to think good things about yourself!! There IS a line though don’t get me wrong.

I don’t think this is an unpopular opinion but I definitely agree with you. People who seek validations really need help.

I absolutely can't stand people who go around talking about how smart they are, or people who like to mention their IQ. One of the most insufferable types of people for me.

I’m actually great at balancing self praise. Possibly the best

This is bait

I think the opposite. I think there isn't enough self-confidence, enough self-love in the world.

No, the problem is that its used wring, self praising can be quite important when a person downplays themselved.

Its just out of narsicism so annoying.

But i agree, dont call your own jokes funny, either they work or not. If yu are funny, you dont need to say it

Actually, I think your argument is a half-truth - too many people whose creations don't warrant it have too high opinion of their abilities, that is true.

However, people who actually do remarkable stuff tend not to give or get enough credit for it and in their case self -praise would be beneficiary.

Another aspect is the fact that you can destroy a lot of potential early on if you mostly criticize new learners and don't practice positive reinforcement.

Eh, I consistently make people laugh, others describe me as funny, so I see no issue in describing myself as funny if someone asks something like "how would you describe yourself?" or whatever. It's like how, if someone asked my hair color before seeing me in person, I'd say it's brown. In equal measure, if someone wished to know my flaws, I would reveal them.

I love to praise myself AND give others compliments & I think it’s a sign of healthy self esteem—I worked for years to build up self respect. I love to platonically love everything & be excited about little things & romanticize my life.

I have had some people think I’m arrogant & really try to tear me down. I think they’re insecure—why tear someone else down for being confident or happy or proud of themselves?

Even people who YOU PERCEIVE (remember: this is just your opinion! You are not the only one who gets to say what is or isn’t bragging) are bragging or humble bragging—let them do whatever they want. Why are you so obsessed with controlling what someone else says? Isn’t that a kind of humble bragging, to talk about how you don’t need to hype your stuff & let others decide?

I knew someone, who I perceived to be really cold & kinda cruel, tell me that I was “too sickly sweet” to everyone—because I told a server “please” & “thank you” & told them they were doing a great job. See? It’s all perception. Someone else might find me really warm & friendly.

If I think someone is really arrogantly bragging I can tease them lightly or disagree with them or just ignore them. Like who cares!? A lot of people self praise kind of ironically as well, so I think maybe some people are just not getting the sarcasm?

This is an unpopular opinion because people need self praise in a world that wants to tear you down.

Well, you've proven to be kind of a lame person, so I can see why you aren't bragging about it

Nah, I’m my number one fan . You sound miserable, you could use some self hype

Why not? What harm does it cause? Constant bragging and an inflated sense of ego are harmful, but occasional self-praise is normal and healthy. Only the miserable and cranky would have an issue with it.

The most successful people in the world don’t wait for others to praise them. They’re loudly confident in their abilities and that’s how they get others to notice them and contribute to their success

Definitely. It’s almost funny, one of the best ways to tell someone is not something is that they claim they are that thing. “I’m a good person!” No you aren’t, a good person knows there’s always more they can do and they aren’t fully “good”. “I’m so smart!” No you’re not, a truly smart person knows enough to realize they don’t know everything. “I’m so funny!” No you’re not, a funny person would let their jokes and silly behavior demonstrate how funny they are, not just demanding it.

Why do I have to let others be the judge of me.

I know I’m smart, why is it bad for me to say I am? It doesn’t make anyone else less intelligent if I say that I too am intelligent.

This is an unpopular opinion? Most people I know have been taught that wise people don't praise themselves, you let others do it. Self-aggrandizing is seen as a negative trait, it makes you look like a fool.

I guess that I’m out of it but I don’t hear people praising themselves directly. I do hear humble brags and self-criticism that is an appeal for refutation (e.g., wanting your friend to say, “Don’t be so hard on yourself, you really are a good person”).

I need to get it from somewhere, buddy. Will you praise me so I don’t have to?

Ive legit never met anyone in real life that has ever said "I'm so funny" lmao. They'd get absolutely ripped to pieces by me and others if they ever did say that.

You've obviously come across some strange folk in your life hahaha.

If you don’t toot your own horn then nobody else will.

I think there's a lot of misunderstanding about what real self-esteem is and what it actually looks like. There's also a lot of misunderstanding about narcissism and what it can look like. People see a person boasting and bragging and think, "That person is so full of themselves!" They see a sad sack who's always talking down on themselves and think "wow that person has no self-esteem!" But these are both only partially correct.

That grandiose person is probably deeply insecure. All that boasting and peacocking is compensating for deep feelings of inferiority. They show a lot of classic signs of narcisism. Most people understand this.

But the sad sack? They're probably a narc too. Most "insecure" people are actually narcs. This isn't to say they aren't sincere in their feelings of self-hatred. They do really feel that way, but the reason they're so down on themselves is because they have this hueristic in their heads that they were supposed to be exceptional in the first place. They then spend their lives being disappointed and angry that they aren't exceptional. Whereas people with healthy self-esteem understand that everyone has flaws and that they are worthy and valuable despite being average and flawed, AND most importantly, they understand that ALL PEOPLE have value despite having flaws. Self-esteem and compassion for others go hand in hand.

Have you ever heard a person complain about themselves who objectively has it better than you in many ways? Like someone skinnier than you calling themselves fat? And perhaps you felt a little offended, but you didn't say anything because you didn't want to make their pain about you? Or maybe they complained about having a physical feature that you literally also have? Well, you aren't crazy. This is classic covert narcissism. This is a person who will steal your moment and your spotlight by acting all sad and insecure. This is a person who will screw you over, disrespect you, cross your boundaries, and then play the victim.

In short, self-esteem is good. You can't have too much of it. Boasting, one-upping, and grandiose behavior are not self-esteem. That is self agrandizing behavior, and it is a cover-up for deep-seated feelings of inferiority. Self-hatred obviously isn't self-esteem, but it is self-obsession. It's just negative self-obsession.

It may seem counterintuitive, but the absence of self-esteem is what causes narcissistic behavior.