User deleted post
Texts from my husband randomly suggesting we move halfway across the country??
Phone messageI'll never understand why people have very important life changing in depth conversations through text.
I see this here all the time. Makes me nuts... š
I think itās because it easier to float an idea that you know will cause conflict in the relationship. Thereās no chance of yelling and you can take your time thinking of a response. However, now the husband knows he has an uphill battle trying to convince the wife to move across country. That mofo better come up with a detailed financial analysis, pros and cons list and alternate plan on who is going to take care of the kids once they move. The, āIām going make $2 moreā is the bullshiest argument I ever heard and I can see why the wife is saying hard no.
I don't disagree with her, and not be super judgemental, if you are confronting each other about serious matters through text, I think there's a deeper issue there. Of course he's initiating through text for various reasons, but once the conversation got more serious it was time to call each other and actually communicate. But he's being unreasonable and I imagine he's the cause of most of the issues.
Passive behavior. Texting is easier now they will be irritated on sight besides just talking about in person from the start
And then post it on reddit.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for the content! But, if I were in the middle of a tense, personal argument about the future of my marriage, I wouldn't be like "I should screenshot this and post it on Reddit." The thought would never even occur to me.
Thank you! As I was reading this I was wondering when the text reading "Hey, when you/I get home we will sit down and talk" was going to come.
Because also her husband could be having like a panic attack/crisis and just telling him he's being am idiot over text isn't helping.
Me too omg!
Once in a while I get a text from my husband that he thinks is a no-brainer question but the answer is more in depth than is appropriate for text. So I tell him exactly that, and we postpone until we are in-person.
This feels different. Like he knew it wasnāt appropriate for text but was trying to slide it throughā¦feels deliberate.
If this were another 15-20k a year I could understand, but fuuuuuck.
Hey it's an extra $2 an hour! Come on now.
The dollar store will be so much more affordable
I work at a dollar store, this is no longer accurate
They can buy like 12 dollar(.25)store items every day! Thatās 60 items a week, 3120 items a year!
All they gotta do is move and the extravaganza begins!
husband is being disagreeable here but depending on COL it could be 2 bucks plus whatever lower cost theyād pay to live in SC. like if theyāre in LA or SF maybe.
But might be made up in the fact that theyāll have to start paying for childcare for 2 babies without family around, which Iām pretty sure is insane wherever you are
This is correct. Child care is expensive in any state.
Exactly!! Iām in the Bay Area & Iād save tons moving to SC!
Yeah we're in LA and we've had that talk more and more lately.Ā
Idk I could move to a different state and take a different position for 20-30k more a year and wouldn't even consider it. For this dude to really want this for 2$ more an hour is crazy
Right, without considering the potential cost of childcare, that theyāve just gotten a house and he decided to piss away $9k on a camper. Moron.
I got the impression it was $2 more than his current job, which is in jeopardy. Probably quite a bit more than the $25 per he will be kicked down to if he loses his current job.
Iām amazed that people that stupid end up married and having kids lol.
The future looks pretty shitty. š
OP is being waaaaay too hostile for this to be all there is. This does not sound like a happy marriage.
First blush, guy is in a bad way and being delusional, he needs a supportive spouse to (gently) bring him back to reality, not a selfish tool listing all the reasons a move would inconvenience her.
Guy is being a doofus but OP sounds ridiculous, too. No wonder heās looking for an escape.
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Even if it were an extra $15-20k/year - that wouldn't even cover daycare. Having free, reliable, trustworthy daycare is really priceless.
It truly is priceless! Heās talking about putting the kids firstā¦ then he needs to do that. He better sell that camper and job search because he isnāt making any sense.
She should discuss things just so a partner feels heard. But heās not thinking straight according to these messages
I think a lot of people in this thread think 2$ more an hour would make a substantial difference in your quality of life without acknowledging that the assistance you receive from your family with childcare could easily cost 1000-2000 more a month compared to the 0 you would be paying with family. 2$ extra an hour is only about 320$ a month at 40 hours a week pre-tax, so no this isnāt an amazing idea.
And not only that, but I doubt that $2 more an hour job would pay the thousands it would cost to relocate their entire family. And SC seems to be middle of the line CoL wise, so unless theyāre in a high CoL place, theyāre not saving much/any with that either.
And letās not forget they JUST bought their home a year ago.
And a 6mo & 3yo? Yea that sounds like a shit show and a half to have to deal with moving
For an extra 2$ an hour lmao
Exactly! āHey honey, lets pay thousands for child care, be away from your closest family, & get rid of our new house so we can afford to upgrade BOTH our combos to large!ā
and the "potential" of her being able to keep her current job, Soooo potential loss of one income.
Not to mention the daycare expenses they'd incur moving away from family
Yup, because now they get free childcare & google says childcare in SC is $14-17/hr, so that $2/hr means nothing. And thatās not even getting into the moving costs
Yeah the penalties for ending the mortgage before end of term, and costs of selling probably will be more than an profit off the sale, if any
I got a $5 raise and it barely made a dent in our financial situation...$2 is not worth uprooting your life for š
I usually evaluate my raises based on percentage of my current pay, so at like 24 -> 26 thatās like an 8% raise but when you really get into the amount extra theyād earn per month itās not as nice as it sounds.
And if she lost her job it would cost them more money, then renting or buying a place asap somewhere else. If it was 50k more maybe worth it lol. Not 2 bucks. He also thinks people canāt afford him?? Heās handing out flyers ! Also, Iām pretty sure he lost his job already and has been looking for a new one . Why else is he so sure he couldnāt find a new one, why does he want to cancel vacations, why is he so Persistent where itās almost caseing a fight between them,
Youāre probably right. This is something someone does when things get kind of drastic.
Yeah Iām wondering who she is, if sheās pregnant, and if she is threatening to talk to OP. Husband wants to run away from something very badly.
My ex husband did something like this after we had a new house and a baby 20+ years agoā¦started to talk about moving, wanted to vacation in a camper, then said he was going to go back to law school. Basically I think he felt trapped by the thought of working for the next 30 years to pay off the house and raise a family. Interestingly enough he did remarry and theyāve moved at least 6 times in 11 years theyāve been together. No thanks.
Oh really? You are jumping straight to the husband fucking around and that the other woman is pregnant?
You know, it is probably a very simple, he's gotten in over his head financially, and doesn't want to admit buying a damn camper with a loan (!!!) was a very bad idea.
Sure, that make sense. But, unfortunately, so does him already being unemployed.
I do think the pregnant girlfriend is a bit much, but comes on - That's what people do here... They come up with their own ideas on the situation based on their own life experiences. That's what makes reddit so entertaining!
They can always sell the damn camper. Although campers depreciate like cars, if it hasn't been used yet, they stand a really good chance of selling it for what they paid for it.
I don't think his job is handing out flyers. Sounds like that was busy work he was assigned because they ran out of actual work. He also states going back 24 bucks an hour, so he's making more than that at least. It is actually a problem that, when you make enough at one job, trying to find another one can mean taking a substantial pay cut
Moving somewhere to only make an extra 2$ per hour is the stupidest thing Iāve ever heard (today). But alas, the day is youngā¦
I got a $3 an hour raise and my paycheck is only $10 more than it was before due to the increase in taxes coming out my check. It really aināt shit in a lot of states and oneās specific tax liabilities.
As a general rule of thumb I wouldnāt move states for a job unless the pay increase was 15-20% at least and the cost of living didnāt screw me up too much. Some states theyād have to double my wages. 2 dollars an hour? Thatās not enough.
This is such a valid point but damn they communicate like shit. Husband might want to stay in the same field that isnāt high paying and is reaching for what he can get. Itās rough times. Sometimes you gotta switch careers. But they need to talk about it not bicker.
Yup, full agree. Probably about $250 total after taxes, estimated generously.
You can't properly assess this without taking into consideration cost of living in both locations.
If his first priority is your children, he should really take a look at South Carolinaās schools before he jumps ship.
This is so true. We rank 42nd for public school education.
Lmao right??
Yeah heās jus using them to guilt trip her
This is very, very true. We're putting our kid in private school here since it's so bad. Ironically, Charleston has one of the best magnet schools in the country.
They're gutting public education to fund these magnet schools.
Yaāll need therapy. This is not healthy.
Seriously just from the tone of the both parties. Not feeling a lot of love or partnership. Seems like sunk cost and building resentment
Exactly. This was one of the most annoying reads Iāve seen in a while.
right.. like yeah he shouldnāt have sprung this on her in a text conversation but the way sheās texting him and all that cursing. doesnāt seem like a healthy partnership.
This should be the first comment. The issue isnāt SC, itās the contempt they seem to have for each otherā¦ There are definitely other issues underneath this. Do they even like/respect one another?
Right, the way OP is cursing at partner. The way partner is disrespecting OP. I pray they both get counseling
User deleted comment
2mo
Also, cheaper cost of living in South Carolina depends a lot on where in South Carolina and where you are coming from. Coastal South Carolina (Myrtle Beach, Charleston, Hilton Head) are high.more rural areas are a lot cheaper. If coming from really high cost of living places such as the northeast, housing is probably cheaper, but likely not if coming from other places.
User deleted comment
2mo
outside the city to work in the city expect an hour an a half commute to go 30 miles if not longer.
geez ... that's chicago suburbs-type commute. Didn't know Charleston was like that.
Probably looking to score a $7,000 house in Bowman.
This is a pre-divorce conversation. I have no doubts about it.
Heās making this big of a deal over a $2 an hour raise? Not to mention, you get free childcare here. That $2 extra an hour isnāt going to even almost cover childcare expenses if you move. He definitely isnāt thinking this through and it sounds like you would actually do worse financially, if you moved. Just based on what youāve told us at least.
I also completely relate to not wanting to leave your family. My husband has vaguely mentioned moving over the years (he wasnāt serious about it, it just came up in conversation) and I told him I absolutely couldnāt and wouldnāt leave my parents and grandparents. I ended up losing my mother and grandparents (both of my motherās parents) extremely close together. My grandmother passed exactly a year after my mom passed and 5 days later, my grandfather passed away. It was such a shock and made me realize how short life actually is. Spend time with your family while you can. If your husband canāt understand thisā¦that will be unfortunate. Maybe heās never lost anyone close to him. Once he has, he should feel differently.
I definitely believe this is a conversation that should be had in person and not over text. Wishing you all the best!
2 Dollars an hour I wouldnāt even take a job 10 minutes further away for two dollars an hour. That would be the gas there and back.
Sounds like he doesnāt plan on losing his job, he lost it
User deleted comment
2mo
Yall in these replies gotta stop watching true crime sometimes šš
Right?? OP's husband was accused of being a cheater, planning on leaving her, being fired from his job etc based solely on the fact that he suggested they could move elswhere. This is wild.
My husband was going to work every day and telling me stories about the day. He was really just hanging out with his girlfriend, their mutual child, and her kids (plus mom š). He was setting things up to leave me with all of the bills when he ghosted me. Fortunately someone told my family and they got me out before anything worse could happen. My phone was cut off a few days later and my car hadnāt been paid for in two months and the lease was up. This kind of stuff does happen. He was talking to me about moving to other states and whatnot.
Do some digging. Donāt end up on Dateline.
Holy shit, the guy suggested a move and y'all are here projecting your own shit.
What a mature couple, communicative couple.
Right. Setting a wonderful example of a loving respectful couple for their children.
Donāt worry, Iām taking notes so I can improve my marriage with my husband! āļø
Weāve been having serious conversations in person. I guess we were doing it all wrong!
You both seem annoying lol, this isnāt something you discuss over text. You sit down, research numbers, make lists of pros and cons, and decide together. Your attitude of completely blocking him out via an imaginary wall is very immature. He suggested a move? He didnāt say āweāre movingā, how else do you expect him to bring it up? Moving to a different state isnāt the end of the world lol, I spent my entire childhood moving around to different sides of the world because my parents wanted the best for me, my mom put up with being thousands of miles away from her family and so did my dad. Stop putting your husband on blast for reddit points just because you disagree on something, when heās looking for answers to a very scary dilemma heās facing (job loss, considering he helps to support the family).
Exactly sheās being way to closed minded, you donāt shoot down your partners ideas like that
Exactly, sheās acting as if he booked tickets and started packing, he just brought it up and she went off and completely blocked off any discussion concerning it lol
You said in a previous comment that you are the one who handles the financials, so saying that he took out a loan makes no sense that sounds like he went behind your back and did it. But then that would mean you arenāt in charge of the financials. So which is it exactly? Wanting to move is ok even if itās not to South Carolina, but just being rude and disregard how he feels isnāt okay.
I was scrolling to see if anyone else picked up on that.... Still scrolling for her response..
You both sound awful. Heās obviously stressed out and acting irrationally, but you didnāt handle it supportively even a little bit. There are a thousand ways to go that donāt involve blaming him, and heās right - if his job is in jeopardy, you probably should cancel your fucking vacations. What a miserable fucking relationship.
the more i read this the more ridiculous the way you talking to your husband seems. grow up.
Heās wrong but yāall need to not cuss at each other.
Time to sell the camper! Even at a loss. If the loan is new, gonna be at a loss.
But the best time to sell is now in the spring, while people are making their plans for summer vacations. Worst time is in the fall.
It seems like you really resent him judging from the way you speak to him.
And by having him as āhusbandā in her phone. š¤¦š»āāļø
Yeah, op sucks here. I'm baffled that she thinks talking to her partner this way is OK
Youāre not wrong to disagree. Itās probably not a well thought out plan. But my goodness youāre extremely rude.
I thought the same! She could have just said we can talk about this later. At least hear her husband out and not just shoot him down like that.
This. You donāt have to like the topic but this is definitely a big conversation. If he has legitimate reasons to worry heās losing his job and is thinking about these types of changes, a long constructive conversation is needed.
To be fair, I think he was out of line with his manipulating comments about the kids snd such but she was also extremely off putting.
Yall are both shit at communicating.
the number of toxic marriages yaāll are in IS UNREAL
Iād want to move to South Carolina too if my spouse talked to me like this lol
Your husband hasnāt thought this through, but damn it seems like you donāt really like him much lol
Hereās a tip Iāve seen too many times: unless you start considering the family youāve created as āall the family that mattersā, youāre going to end up even lonelier than you are now. Once you create a family, that family becomes the most important family you have. Itās telling that you donāt.
Sheeeeeesh that last paragraph š¤ššš
I would never talk to my husband this way, itās actually so gross.. maybe try putting your family you created with him before your parents/grandparents. This shouldāve been a conversation you had in person, or at least on the phone.. you should have acknowledged his obvious anxiety about the situation instead of being so mean. Then to top it all off you post it on here! Insane. Do better dude.
Anyone else feel like he already lost the job and this is his attempt to move on without her knowing how bad the situation is?
Maybe look up average cost of childcare in the area of SC heās suggesting and send that to him, since yall would be losing the free childcare from family that you have now in your current location
But also, the communication here is so painful to read. Iām not even super sensitive and Iād totally break down and cry if my partner spoke to me the way youāre speaking to him. It comes across as hateful. This convo definitely needs to happen in person, and with both of you speaking politely as if you actually like each other.
Imagine being in a marriage and speaking to each other like this, wild.
heās kind of dumb and youāre kind of a bitch. convo needs to be had in person and actually talk about it. donāt dictate, just say how it really doesnāt make sense to move. (raise not worth it considering child care will be expensive af)
I think this needs to be a longer conversation in person lol. Thereās no way a quick convo over text is going to be enough to resolve this. Also maybe this doesnāt even need to be on Reddit? Seems like youāre putting your husband on blast for trying to better his life as well as yours.
Right, why even broach this via text? This is def let's have dinner and talk it over kind of deal
Iād potentially agree to your take if it wasnāt for him saying āwhat youāre saying is fuck the kids thenā attempt at emotional manipulation and the fact that he is just now bringing up potential insecurity now that he wants to move. He is coming across as manipulative and ingenuine which, yeah, put his ass on blast for that.
While what he said is totally wrong sometimes people can be ignorant when frustrated and she was just absolutely stone walling him... and I mean that could be frustrating when trying to have a serious conversation (which should've been in person from jump tbh lol) also maybe his uncle brought up the extra 2 dollars because the husband had been expressing financial worries to him and finding solutions while simultaneously not trying to worry his wife and that's why it seems sudden to her? But who knows maybe he's a manipulating ass lol from some of the comments I've seen from her he's not being described normally as a jerk so who knows hah
The problem is he already lost his job and heās not telling her yet heās preparing to nobody would be so persistent on wanting to move, persistent on canceling vacations to the effect of almost causing a fight because you think youāre gonna go far
Wouldn't shock me.
At least it was still in the US lol I got one asking me about the Netherlands!! Slightly out in left field for a man that never left our country šš
You sound rude af
You have poor communication skills and an anger problem. Talk about going from 0 to 100. Your husband seems manipulative and financially irresponsible.
You are way too dismissive of him and overly harsh, especially without more context than what is provided here.
You can be opposed to it but speaking to someone this way in a marriage is a recipe for failure and honestly makes you look really, really bad.
Edit: also need more context on that camper. Cause thatās fucking nuts.
oh my god yes i was shocked by how hard she comes out swinging. the cussing and everything is so unnecessary. it doesnāt seem like you guys even like each other. even if itās a ādumbā idea (not that iām saying it is), this is NOT how a successful couple talks to one another.
yeah seriously, sheās talking to him so disrespectfully. you can oppose something without being a jerk
I donāt think itās ridiculous to talk about, and I think you got a little too heated too quickly.
I think you're heading for divorce if your automatic answer is fuck no instead of "let's discuss it when you get home". These decisions need to be made jointly after a calm discussion.
I wish my husband would be willing to do this š I hate where we live most days and donāt want to be here long term
Jesus you sound like you hate him. Not saying heās in the right, but you sound like enemies. Absolutely no discussion from your sideā¦just instant line in the sandā¦my way or the highway. Relationships thrive on communication in the middle ground, not this horrid tone from both of you start to finish.
Divorce is strong with this one
Holy shit you both need to work on your communication skills.
Lol do yall even like each other?
Did you genuinely read back what you wrote and think you came out looking good?
I don't have any idea how your marriage is going, but based off how you talk to him I can only assume it ain't great.
Thereās a vast amount of questions here. Did he get the camper without your okay? Why arenāt you guys doing this in person? Is he really about to lose his job? If he is, he may actually be trying to trying to survive for you guys. You may have to consider at least moving SOMEWHERE and no I donāt mean to SC. And yes for your kids. If your husband loses his job and canāt just snap his fingers and get one nearby, you might be looking at a move for the sake of your children.
why you talking to him like that? youāre rude as fuck
Right?! Why the hostility? Does adding the "lol" suppose to make it better?! From the outside looking in: hubby was probably just feeling her out. Probably didn't expect this rude, quick-to-judge, "hard no!" That's not a relationship & certainly not a healthy marriage.
Never should have happened in a damn text! (Cowards). But it's definitely a conversation to have & weigh ALL the pros & cons! If you can figure out big decisions (like this), as calm, rational, open-minded, mature ADULTS, the results will be much more accepted by both parties!
"Wife": lighten up.
Literally. She seems like a bundle of joyš
for real. if i was him id just fuck off to south carolina šš
That $2 increase is eaten up tenfold with having to pay for child care. Also, he needs to return the camper now.
Honestly, YTA for how you talked to him and just blowing up without even having a conversation in person. I understand not wanting to move away from elderly family. But you also need to consider your family you created. Your husband potentially just opened up to you about a fear that he has that is logical and instead of putting it off until a calmer conversation could be had you started to just cuss at him and completely ignore how he possibly felt.
I kind of agree with this comment. While this is obviously a very emotionally charged discussion between OP and husband and neither of them are handling communication well at all, she immediately went into nuclear shutdown mode instead of asking, "what's really going on here?"
I also feel like the husband is an asshole because he saw his wife didnāt want to move and didnāt try to compromise or figure out another solution.
Neither did she.
She just went no and that's that.
We don't want her here either. So, win for us.
Exactly what I think. OP completely shut down and refused to have a discussion. What kind of partner is that? No partnership, just a flat out ānoā š¬
Also the husband shouldāve brought it up in person - texting big conversations like that is extremely immature. Although, OP refused to even allow the conversation, soā¦yeah.
exactly i agree i was like wtf shes so rude?!
Depending on what part of SC you move to that $2 just isnāt going to stretch that far. It can be quite costly to live near anywhere desirable.
it wont even cover a month of childcare that theyre currently getting for free
If he was making like $40/hour then I would def consider moving, but a whole $2? No.
All that over 2 bucks? Does He not understand how much child care is? Good lord
What a heathy communicative relationship. Why do you talk to each other like you hate each other?
I understand being agitated with him wanting to move across the country for a measly $2/hr raise, Iād be annoyed tooā¦ but the way you speak to him just sounds so rude and disrespectful.
Y'all are both a mess
User deleted comment
2mo
You sound like a dictator.
You seem unwilling to compromise
His plan seems poorly thought out but the style of communication here is very confrontational and everyone is very defensive.
Your comment about childcare is valid. Present THAT. Saying āwell Iām not moving from my dad and grandparents!!ā Immediately puts him on the defensive.
Your husband seems anxious about money, about the future, about job security. Those are real fears.
You guys are on the same team here. A more compassionate approach would be to acknowledge his fears and work together to see how he can find a better job. His wins are your wins! Your wins are his wins! But if he loses his job that is a problem for the both of you, not just him.
You both need to work together, you are on the same team. Imagine a football game where all the players on the same team are attacking each other. Thatās what reading this exchange was like.
Husband is going through a mid-life crisis it appears.
A spouse that is this inflexible and unwilling to even entertain a civil discussion about a possibility of someday moving away from their family would be really hard to stomach for me as a husband.
Yāall are supposed to be a team, and thatās really hard when one side is just throwing up absolute refusal after absolute refusal - where is the room for compromise on either side?
Thatās not to say that you may not have very good reasons for staying put, and they may very well outweigh the pros of leaving - but yāall really ought to try to find a better way to communicate.
And for what itās worth, SC can be pretty low cost of living. Iāve owned a home there and in Texas, and my complete mortgage payment with taxes and everything in SC was way less than just the monthly property taxes on my place in Texas.
Sure, Myrtle, Charleston, etc. will be pricier, but thereās plenty of places which arenāt.
I might be the odd one out but Iām always down for moving somewhere new. Life is too short
lol I WISH my husband would text me with an idea like this. Iād start packing before I responded haha
Whatever you do, donāt move away from family. Especially while taking care of young children. One of my biggest mistakes was living far from family while I raised my kids. I was so isolated and alone. Not to mention the fact that my family missed out on being there to watch them grow up and spend quality time with them. If you have a loving and supportive family close by then by all means, keep them close by if thatās what you want.
You both need therapy, he's being super impulsive and you're both being extremely aggressive. If my wife talked to me the way you talked to him and didn't have an immediate explanation, or I'd be packing.
You clearly hate each otherā¦
Your communication style sucks. Do you always talk to him like that? Even if he was serious, jfc.
You both suck at communicating honestly
You speak to eachother like you hate one another.
Well, heās obviously in a weird place because his job is in jeopardy. While heās being random, it seems heās looking out for the family. Cancel your trips ( you donāt owe anyone else shit, your family comes first) and sell the camper. You need to communicate better.
Minus the hostility, this is the kinda shit my husband would do during our relationship. Heād make these outrages financial decisions and ask me how I felt. When I didnāt support him, heād get mad at me. He bought a shit fest of a boat, not having a boating license, any experience boating and expected to have it shipped here and make tons of money selling it.
The shitter broke down while a friend tried towing it here. He paid his friend to tow it here and took a loss on a camper he traded it in for.
Anyway, not good communication Iām seeing. Iād recommend couples therapy.
Iām getting a divorce right now, so just a sneak peak at what could happen, but hey, I canāt say IM too angry about it š¤·š½āāļø
HE TOOK A LOAN OUT A FEW WEEKS AGO FOR HOW MUCH???? But he wants to cancel YOUR vacations. Wants to uproot Y'ALL'S lives. Embarrassing.
āSo youāre saying: fuck the kids?ā
No, Iām saying fuck you.
Relationships are about communication, compromise and understanding.
Unless youāre OP, then fuck your SO ig š
That's what gets me. I've been married for over a decade and I would never treat my husband so freaking rudely. Dude seems concerned about making money for his family and OP is over hear talking about only herself. Even if she doesn't want to go, she should hear him out without being an AH.
I think people really need to start understanding that itās unreasonable to think youāre too good for a job. If a new job pays lower then get a second one. Thatās just how life goes sometimes. If you would rather sit at home and do nothing all day and make no money at all cause āother jobs canāt afford meā then make a bit less but still be bringing money in, you have a problem.
Saying, "They can't afford me," doesn't always mean "I'm too good for that job." It can (and does) depend largely on how far you've come at your current position & what pay level you're at. I lived in a BIG city. absolutely hated it! Tried for months to find just about anything that was in a smaller city, had better schools & wasn't too far away from my family....without taking a huge pay cut. Unfortunately, it had to be about whether the smaller company could "afford me" bc I wasn't in a position to take a pay cut. I don't think I'm above any task my boss asks of me, but I had the responsibility (to my kids) to find a job that could help me pay the bills!
I guess it does sound cocky saying it that way though....
A full time spot in my infant room is $389 per week. Preschool is $302 per week. I live in a low cost of living area. Sure, you can find less expensive rates than ours, but securing a spot? So letās get crazy and say daycare costs would somehow only be $1000 a month for two children. That $2 an hour going to cover it? People need to understand the enormous blessing that free childcare actually is.
Yes, itās ridiculous to suggest upending your lives and moving across the country for no good reason. However, youāre being incredibly dismissive and stubborn for not even considering this conversation. Your husband is stating fear that he might be at risk of losing his job and your uncle offered him a job in South Carolina- itās not that unreasonable to consider. Other than your family, what is keeping you where you are? Does your family help with child care or are you a SAHM? I think that info could be helpful, but you 100% need to work on your communication.
lol why are you showing us???
The reality is he doesnāt want to move to South Carolina. He wants you to understand heās stressed and worried about his job. Men have a hard time opening up and this was his attempt. It seems like he was trying to open up a dialogue and you just shut it down. He got annoyed so doubled down.
Marriage is about compromising. You flat out telling him no like heās a child, would piss anyone off no matter the situation. Heās making points and explaining his fears and youāre berating, cussing and insulting him.
Youāre TA here honestly.
With you on this one. Similar boat with me and my wife. I moved to her hometown from a larger city so she could finish college. Now she's gotten a job in the district here, and I'm unsure about future jobs in the area as the current company I'm with is pretty on the fence right now.
Brought it up to my wife that I have always followed her when it benefitted our future, we have moved 3 times, but now that ours could be hindered by the lack of jobs in my field, I have been shot down immediately. I have concerns, and I'm only asking to move 30 minutes away so she can stay at her job and I don't have an hour plus one way trip to a larger city every day.
Love my wife and always will, but it's almost impossible to come to an agreement on this sort of stuff without being in the wrong for even asking. I think OP should try and compromise not necessarily to move acrossed the country but possibly to an area that would make it beneficial to each other and the family.
I thought men were adults responsible for expressing themselves when they needed help.
Spur of the moment moving their kids from CA to SC is a huge culture shock and should be very carefully considered, especially in the climate in the south regarding women's rights and LGBTQ rights.
He's Def the AH for using the k8ds to get his way.
Who tf has this type of conversation over text?
How many hours would he have to work for the $2 increase to pay for the move? He realizes moving is extremely expensive.... Right?
He's probably right about cancelling the vacations though.
Going out for for milk babe brb
As a South Carolinian I agree with you. We do not need more people here!
There used to be a South Carolina website GoBackToOhio.com. not sure if it is still a thing. š±š¤š¤£
as an ohioan, iām SO terribly sorry to everyone living in south carolina. although i am guilty of visiting.. many many times..
You aren't wrong. He's asking you to drop and leave your whole life for one that isn't guaranteed. And the fact that there seems to already be money issues and he felt the need to take out a loan for 9 grand for a camper tells me that he doesn't make the best decisions. He's an impulsive person, and that can be very reckless. You already have a home and your family there. There are other jobs. He needs to get rid of that "they can't afford me" mindset. Literally, the whole United States is struggling with wages and the cost of living, that won't just change starting all over in South Carolina.
Right? I donāt understand everyone else in this thread saying sheās āunwilling to compromiseā compromise on WHAT? Heās surely capable of finding another job within his area or within commutable distance. Instead he jumps to letās rip up our family and their entire lives and move to a totally different state where the kids would hardly know anyone there for a $2 difference in pay?? Thatās insane! Moving is such a huge thing to do in the same TOWN let alone states away. I canāt believe this comment section
I agree 100%, and they have already bought a home with their family settled, have free child care, and she is around her family. I understand her not wanting to leave her relatives. I left mine, came back home 10 years later, and my dad died 5 days after I returned, my papa shortly after. Him wanting to move for a 2 dollar raise that surely won't make a difference when they are paying for a new home, child care, and trips to visit her family, just isn't worth it. I can't believe half this comment section either, but I hope Op knows that she isn't wrong. It's impulsive and can leave them homeless if all goes wrong.
Did he get the camper because heās been talking with the cousin and wants to move down there one way or another? I mean, thatās what a camper is forā¦
I try to convince mine to move to Portugal at least twice a month (he has dual citizenship) but I know thatās a pipe dreamā¦itās like a running joke that next time we go out he wonāt be able to find me when itās time to fly homeā¦ I could not ever really expect him (and our son) to uproot our entire lives in an entirely new place for a new home, and it would have been entirely out the question when my mom still alive.
Seems like heās not giving you the whole picture, but heās clearly stressed about your finances.
A sudden move wonāt help, if anything, being close to family is crucial if youāre going to go through a stressful period of austerity (cutting down on spending).
Good luc.
Hurricanes are only getting worse in that whole area. Nope.
We moved from NJ to NC 7 years ago. But in our case my boyfriend was offered 10k more a year. When he got here he found another job for 15k more a year.
That combined with the lower cost of living he NJ we turned our lives around. Iām so glad everyday we took that chance. My children are thriving here too.
That being said itās not for everybody, and itās a joint decision. Ours took months to make, together. And together is the key word here.
So why does he think he will lose his job is the real question.
User deleted comment
2mo
Do you think it's possible he ALREADY lost his job and this was a last-ditch effort to not have to tell you?
Well, he could be just genuinely worried about work being so slow lately and possibly getting laid off. I hope that doesn't happen though.
OP that doesnāt protect him at all unfortunately. If his employer is considering layoffs and they can find someone to do his job for lessā¦
You two need to sit down tonight and talk when the kids are in bed. Yāall need to listen to each other.
"Back to 24hr" šµāš«
Um... two things:
First: this isn't a via-text convo. This is a huge change in your lives and marriage, and deserves some sitting down and discussing (and time...) Don't engage in this via text - waaaay too easy to misread what is being said.
Second: this sort of "let's change some huge (external) part of our lives/marriage" thing pops up when there are other, more internal/emotional issues in the marriage (or person) that are not being addressed.
Spend some time discussing where you both stand - individually and as a couple... There are likely some serious dissatisfactions lurking below the surface that you (collectively) need to address.
Good luck...