It’s just embarrassing atp. I’m aware that I have a problem. I’m also aware that I can be sober if I set my mind to it. I’ve had long stretches in the past that I voluntarily destroyed just for a night out here and there, which ultimately resulted in months of daily alcohol consumption… again.
Starting all over after blacking out and apparently having an embarrassing night out this past Saturday going into Sunday morning really put it into perspective for me… again.
IWNDWYT… again.
We’re all in this together! I’ll stay strong with all of y’all.
I am pretty sure most of us quit and relapsed multiple times before we found our sticking place. I know I did. This sub has helped me a lot. Try again. We are pulling for you and will be cheering you on. Just for today…
My excuse is my god-awful divorce, where after trying to make things work again, my ex-wife admitted she was sleeping with multiple men.
I can’t keep using that bullshit as an excuse.
Thanks for the words of encouragement.
Damn man me too. I could never actually move past the resentment while I drank my anger away. I'm only now able to silently grieve. I'm sorry she fucked it up for you bro.
IWNDWYT
For what it is worth, at least that’s kind of a respectable excuse, but as we all know, any excuse will do. My last relapse was after Jimmy Buffett died. I just had to have one margarita to tell the old salt good bye. Yeah, one. I was black out drunk for two days.
If knowing the truth of this struggle wasn’t so painful, I’d find that reason awfully funny. Stay strong and IWNDWYT.
I read someone say on here:
Drinking at someone doesn't hurt them
It put some things in perspective for me.
This part! I probably had about a dozen hiccups once i decided to quit from 2021 up until last april when i finally got it right!
As long as you don't give up and you truly want it, you can be the change you want to be 🔥🔥
I had to do the same. I’ve been toying around with moderation with long (for me) periods of sobriety in between for the past six months and was actually more successful than I anticipated but had a few instances of daily drinking for 3-5 days stretches. The daily drinking is what really wreaks havoc on my mental health (anxiety) but the “one or two beers here and there” just keeps the door propped open for those mini-benders to keep happening. It’s frustrating but I’ve still drank far less in 2024 so far than any other year in my adult life so I’m just gonna keep at it til it sticks.
I hate that I can’t moderate. I see some of my friends have one drink at a bar and chill the rest of the evening, all while I fight the urge to get blackout drunk 🤦🏽♂️
Eh, moderation isn't all that special. I see people drink 2 beers and leave and my wife have 1 single glass of wine in the evening. What exactly do they get out of that besides the calories? They are basically sober anyway apart from perhaps a mild buzz for 10 minutes. I also get a hangover from the smallest amounts these days. We are missing nothing by staying sober!
Sometimes these things are just like that. It sounds to me like you view this as a negative thing
Just in the sense that I wish I could just enjoy a couple of drinks and just chill like I see some of my friends do.
That’s all. I know me well enough to know that would never work. I’d start thinking “why am I drinking if I’m not at least getting buzzed?” And then the buzz wouldn’t be good enough so I’d drink until I would struggle to remember the next day.
That’s what I say to myself “is this worth losing my sobriety over?” A random night out that I won’t remember? Hell no! You can do this it gets easier. Proud of you for trying again!
Thanks. I really need some motivation.
After my binge drinking (started last week on Wednesday afternoon, ended on Sunday morning around 3-4 am), I’ve had severe bouts of anxiety, sleeplessness, and umm… gross bathroom experiences.
I’m looking forward to normalization returning in the next few days/couple of weeks. It happens every damn time I binge drink.
I hate it.
I appreciate everyone’s encouragement to return to sobriety! Love this sub. Even when I’ve binge drank, I have always checked this sub just to upvote others trying to be better.
It’s my turn… again. 😅
We only fail when we stop trying. 🙏 I'm still beating myself up from my last relapse. But I've also found I'm learning SO MUCH through it. Let's never quit quitting! 🖤✨️
Never quit quitting
I’m also aware that I can be sober if I set my mind to it.
I resonate with this. I think it's part of the journey for most of us to have a few stabs at it before we get it right and learn a few lessons along the way so don't beat yourself up too much as many of us are on a similar path and it's not always a straight one.
I decided in September last year to get serious about being sober for good and not just stay sober during the week then binge drink the weekend away or have a "month" dry here and there and managed 2 months back then, fell off the wagon again and went round in circles for 3 months, went sober again for 3 months this year then at the start of May began drinking again and have been drinking about twice a week since.
I've counted all my drinking days and non drinking days this year to date and whilst it's still not as good as I'd hoped considering nearly 3 full months of sobriety this year it's definitely a huge improvement on the last two years and probably the least I've drank in any year of my adult life.
I'm not just drinking by default because it's "the weekend" or using the old "I've started drinking this week so I may as well drink the week away" excuse I always used to which is progress too,.
But there's still too much drinking and some heavy binges.
I too have shown I can be sober if I set my mind to it, and I keep SAYING I'm going back to being teetotal but then deciding to give in about a week later and just drink even if I'm not finding it difficult to abstain and not having many cravings or urges which is just stupid because it means I am passively CHOOSING to drink.
I need to get my head screwed back on and straight and get back to this properly as it IS what I want deep down I know that.
Best of luck to you!
I feel this 100%…thanks for writing
Where are you currently at on your sobriety journey?
And IWNDWYT
Don't beat yourself up, OP. The important thing is you are giving sobriety another go. I'm glad you're here!
I don’t have to drink, but if I do I can’t stop. And I’ve fooled myself for years thinking “I’ll just have one glass… maybe two…”. Next thing you know I’m 10 drinks in and Doordashing some more to “finish the night right”. I had a serious talk with my brother about how long I’ve tried to moderate. I was shocked that I’d been unsuccessfully trying for almost 5 years while drinking heavily almost daily. Had no idea it had been that long. Took a hard look at me and decided I can never drink. Open heart with my wife, started seeing a recovery therapist, joined a sobriety group, and started naltrexone. I have to throw everything I can at this if I’m going to be successful.
I’ve got post and comment history on here that shows how I’ve tried and failed and how I’ve justified my drinking as not as bad as it could be. It’s not reflective of how I feel now, but it catalogues my journey. I’ll look back on them occasionally just to see how I’ve grown. And groan while reading.
Rooting for you.
iwndwyt!!!
I think that's one of my main motivations why I quit.
Sick of starting the weekend and drinking it away and not having a good answer come Monday for what I did.
Or taking a week off, making plans for things I wanted to get done and instead just got drunk for a week.
Or even just seasons. In Minnesota winter can be brutal so we try to enjoy our warm weather, and I'd drink away all the summer and it would be September and I'd finally start getting outside to do something.
So come April 2023 I was on the couch drunk and I said, I don't want to lose another summer of my life and quit the next day. I've been sober ever sense and had a fantastic summer last year and enjoying another this year!
Find reasons to quit, get stubborn about it, and do it. You got it in you to do this!
We’ve all been there many times. Just reset and start again. Never stop trying!
Yep. Someone on here said, "Never quit quitting!" Lol
We’re here for you, again ;)
Don’t beat yourself up, slugger. Get back up, dust yourself off, take your L and press. Ready for today? You can do all of this. You were built for it.
Iwndwyt
I am glad you are here.
IWNDWYT
It’s just the part of recovery! You got this! IWNDWYT
Mate, I think I'm on my 20th first day right now. Don't be ashamed. You got this and eventually I will too.
I don't even know how many day 1s I have, a lot, an embarrassing number. And if it takes another one some day so be it. Never quit quitting.
Me too bro, don't be embarrassed you will get there, I fell off last night and this morning I barred myself from my local deliveries, IWNDWYT
The big thing is that you're back. You stood up again. Well done.
I'm starting over again for the 3rd time. Still a failure at moderation. It's not for me lol. IWNDWYT!
Took me over 70 tries over 2 years to get sobriety that sticks. Just stand back up and try again. Eventually you find your stride if you really want it.
You're far more powerful than you realize! I'm so glad you're back here (again!) and that you're sick of your own shit (again!) because we are all out here doing the same damn dance -some of us at different points of the song than others- and we are all so happy to provide whatever support you might need (again.. and again and again for however long you need us!!) 🤍🤍🤍
IWNDWYT.
I was out the other day at an event and could have snuck a drink Small part of me wanted to.
But then I thought about what I wanted to do tomorrow and the day after that. And how that was likely out the window if I gave jn.
So I didnt. I got my sober option. And enjoyed my time and the day after
It feels good to feel good. Just stick with what keeps you on the right track
No Shame In The Game Baby ! We Are All Tryna Win We Can Do This ..! I Am In The Same Boat Rn All I Can Say Is IWNDWYT
It's alright man... We fall off, we get back on. I know the whole "rinse-and-repeat" feeling is tiring but I think for most of us it's part of the process. Keep on going chief, you got this. IWNDWYT!!
IWNDWYT.
That's rough. We all screw up before we hit that .....alcohol is dead to me moment- the no more, no question, without fail I'm not even tempted anymore moment. I can't teach you this feeling but you'll 100% know when you're there
I've got a decade of journal entries that all start the same way until they don't. That's when the real story started and I began living life. You can do it!
The only thing you reset is time not knowledge
This is not my first username. Lots of speed bumps for me on the way to where I am now...
Exact same for me. I have deleted and created Reddit accounts many, many times.
My longest period of sobriety was just shy of 900 days. I broke it on March 25th 2023. I regret breaking that sober streak so much 😭
I sometimes need to be reminded of the despair of when I started.
Not drinking for me is 99% super easy. On occasion that little bastard will whisper in my ear that a drink would be good. But knowing how hard it was getting through that first week, compared to how stupidly easy it is to go through one now keeps me strong.
All the days you don't drink, is huge. So well done and keep going :)
If stopping drinking was easy, this sub wouldn’t exist. Try to remember that relapse is part of many people’s recovery. What’s important is that we focus on not drinking today - because that’s the only day we don’t have control over.
At least you're still here :)
I’m resetting again too! It’s ok, stay strong 💪