I never knew this until my wife mentioned it to me casually a year ago. I'm 30. I prefer the sleeves rolled up to my elbows, it's so much more comfortable. Apparently that with my watches was amazing. I also never knew that girls wanting to steal your hoodies was an attraction thing going through high school and middle school. Learned that and was thoroughly pissed. I lost sweatshirts from that.

Our daughter was a C-section. They told us minimum two months assuming the sutures held well theyvdid, but just with having a baby and docs advice, the sheer exhaustion accompanied with it for both her and I, and nutty hormones everywhere for both her and I, it took us several months. Was it great? No, not really if I'm honest. I recovered faster than she did on the "constantly fucking exhausted" side of things. She was still dealing with a lot of postpartum that I just tried to at least be present for, even though I couldn't do a damn thing outside of that.

I tell you that so you understand that you're not alone if you're exhausted and not in the mood. Our daughter is three and a half. Just from work and whatnot sometimes one of us is just physically or mentally or emotionally exhausted and sex just doesn't sound pleasant. Not that we don't love each other, but we just don't have it in us. That's okay. That's reality.

If your husband has that big if a deal with it then in my strictly unprofessional opinion it may be worth discovering why it's so important to him. Communication and potentially therapy for both of you can help with this. Communication is a must though.

It's been said but man, don't feel bad of you have to reach out. Preferably to a professional, but a lot of us dads here I'm sure will at least lend an ear. I know I will at least.

Unfortunately I was in your same boat, and in my personal experience I still fight myself a bit each day. Aside from my wife, I have a great friend who unfortunately has some of the same thoughts, but it allowed us to find a common ground and he's one of my best friends.

Aside from a professional, I advise finding one person you're able to confide in. My buddy mentioned above is an old boss of mine from about 13 years ago. Friends can come from unlikely places. It doesn't need to be that, doesn't even need to be a significant other. The phrase "misery loves company" is more true than some realize.

Mate, I think I'm on my 20th first day right now. Don't be ashamed. You got this and eventually I will too.

I was sitting here about to write a venting post and man, this broke me. It ain't in me. I have a 3 year old daughter. The thought of that conversation at some point already has me crying in bed. I'm so inexplicably sorry for your situation and I hope that you're able to get through things. Daddit is a good community so we got you. Be there for your son right now. I had to do it in the reverse with my dad. Time is precious. Cheers mate, we got you.

Live in northern Iowa! One kid but my wife has a 2016 Toyota RAV4 and I drive a 2017 Honda Civic. Hers is our main car, mine is the in town car, or the short drive where we don't have to pack much because mileage. Although her car is more comfortable for longer trips. We trade between the two. Eventually I'll be trading out the civic for something a little better for multiple kids because admittedly it sits low and the space isn't the best for more than what we have in my opinion. Could fit a second car seat comfortably if we're honest, but we just don't prefer it personally. Plus the civic on a long trip over shitty road conditions isn't as reliable as the rav.

Space Bound by Eminem is another one that's quite blunt about it's intentions. Starts out all "oh I'm over the moon about you" and turns into "snap your neck like a popsicle stick" later on. Good song, fucked up lyrics/story. As many of Em's songs are.

This is our daughter Abstinence, named after something we should have practiced.

I have a friend name Joy and call her Joyseph. It also just makes sense.

I rewatch this one on the reg. So good.

As someone who's battled and continues battling this, I'm so fucking proud of you. You've got more strength than me. Family shit went down for me a couple weeks ago and spiraled out the progress (not sobriety yet) I had been working towards into the shitter. Your post gives me hope I can get there eventually. Your tag says 35 days. That's 5 weeks and you were there. However unexpected or unintentional this post may have been, thank you. I can do this....

Functioning alcoholic here on the road to recovery. Stay sober not only for your wife and kid, but also yourself. I realize people aren't all at the "I need this" stage of drinking, but the time with your loved ones without the stain of alcohol? Priceless. I wish I realized it years ago, I'd be a better person overall but for sure a much better parent.

To answer your question bluntly: No, I didn't. But I wish I did. Don't have that regret.

Sorry if that was a trigger 😅 unintentional

Oooo shower tea? That or shower coffee now that I think about it sound like great substitutions for the old shower beer

Our daughter is 3 and had difficulties breastfeeding from the beginning. In the hospital we had donor milk, my wife would pump and we'd store it on rotation when we first got home, and eventually (it was less than 3 months) we decided to switch over to just formula. Game changer.

If you're open to it, I recommend formula as an option alongside pumping if possible. Our mental strain was eased so much once we both decided that was best for our marriage and just stuck with it. There's still times where my wife feels bad about some of the binding times, but then we watch out healthy little one run around and sing and tell stories and you forget those crappy times.

Damn dude/dudette, go it together? Let's kick this shit in the ass.

Here with ya. No way by today's standards that alcohol would be a legal drug, yet here we all are and it's at our fingertips damn near constantly. We got this, it's just a bitch to put it mildly. We'll get there.

Honestly I'm sitting here right now as I write this and wondering who I can pass the booze off to. My wife rarely, if ever, drinks and I envy her for it. It makes it easy to sit and thing "who can I give/sell at a loss to" and it's a weird possessive thing I'm slowly realizing. Until I get it out of my house, I'm gonna relapse. Came to terms with that a couple hours ago in the shower actually...

My daughter will sit and scream at us some nights, we don't yell at her (she's 3) but holy shit is it hard. I grew up in a family where yelling was common, I refuse to let myself get that way. My wife works with special needs children who often times are just older versions of the same temper tantrums.

I asked her this one day and she said one big bit is being able to step away for 5 minutes with help from your spouse, take a few extra minutes next time you have to shit, etc as long as the child is being supervised responsibly.

We've learned tells of when the other is reaching a breaking point and we intervene. Normally in telling our daughter that mommy needs a minute and tell my wife to go decompress for a few minutes.

I learned that in these moments I meditate. To clarify since I've seen several definitions for that that I've interpreted, here's what I do. I go somewhere (for me it's our basement) and set a 5 minute timer. I sit and focus on steady breathing. I don't worry about some perfect form or anything, I just sit and breathe in and out steadily, often times focusing on something in front of me. Earlier today I was counting stitches in the pillow in front of me.

That's okay, I did the same today. Did great up until dinner, didn't even think about it, had been a long day for several reasons, slipped into grill beer. Small habits die hard, addictions even worse. I'll try again tomorrow, for the whatevereth time. I got tired of counting failures, no matter how long I was winning before.

Ours was just always "my name is mud" and I have no idea where it came from

I did almost this exact same thing about a week or so ago. Owning up and changing it moving forward is the best we can do. Good job realizing it before building a habit. We're all gonna fuck up, it's just how we fix it that matters.

I couldn't even finish reading this, I'll say that now. Just what I read, GET THE FUCK OUT. You WILL have much worse happen to you. I'm not small (30m) and my ex did something similar to me. Threatened suicide and here we are 8 years after the fact and she's still around. Bitter and alone, but around.

I'm going through therapy and have help from my amazing wife and daughter myself. You're going to need it, I promise. That's not to be an attack against you, that's a harsh truth.

Also speaking as a dad, if I ever have any thought something like this happened, I'd be in jail pretty quick. It is never okay to abuse anyone, let alone your own family.

Again, and I cannot emphasize this enough, GET THE FUCK OUT.

If memory serves in my town it's like 30 minutes. Which is very excessive. If I hear my dog barking I go out and call him in, be never barks inside unless he's yelling at me for something I probably already did (he's a husky). Based on the frequency you're describing, that's absurd.

Financially we can't do a second. We'd love to try, but with one we scrape the barrel. It's unfortunate, but it's reality.

Thank you! Let's hope it stick this time! Got people behind me more than ever so I'm optimistic