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My bf (25M) did a "loyalty test" on me (27F), and I think it ruined our relationship. Is it worth salvaging?
The "test" itself is quite problematic, but his outburst (if it happened as you described) definitely is much more inexcusable imo and doesn't make logical sense within the background of the story. It's possible this actually wasn't a test but he retroactively made it that to get over his buddy's behavior. This whole thing sounds like something a 15 year old would arrange, not a 25 man year old. I'm so glad I was never around people who do this kind of stuff.
You have been dating 6 months Call it at an end before this gets worse. This is not a small thing
This, and everything more! Why is he getting that upset when he planned it?!? Makes no sense.
I wonder that too
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3d
You have been together only 6 months and you already had to "work through some of his issues"? Why are you doing this to yourself? You say you love him, but do you even actually know him? He pulled a loyalty test on you! At 25 years old! This is very immature and the way you say he knows where you are, with whom, for how long, etc etc makes me think he is quite controlling. At 27 you should already know jealousy is not flattering (the "oh, it is because he loves me so much" type of crap), but problematic (he doesn't trust you, probably never will if he thinks loyalty tests are smth to do). He was even willing to call you names for a stupid test...Just drop him, girl. He is not worth it and you are likely not in love since you have barely been together, you are just infatuated and it will pass. You can find someone better, who is not gonna want to keep tabs on you nor test your willingness to cheat. Oh, and that will not have "issues" to "work through" in the very first moments of the relationship...normally the initial months are the easiest time and if he is already giving you trouble, it will not get any better. It is not your job to fix him, leave it to a professional.
Your brain is a lot smarter than your feelings, I think this should be the basis for your future decision-making in this relationship.
find a therapist and help him to get through his jealousy issues
This is not your job. You are not his mommy, or his doctor. You are barely his girlfriend.
If you had been together six years, okay maybe. But six months? And he's pulling this bullshit? Nope.
Honestly, this sounds like he is projecting. Some he did something he wasn't supposed to do, maybe recieve nudes or whatever, and wanted you to be as bad as him.
As you weren't, he lost it.
At the very least he verbally abused you without you doing anything wrong. You wont change him. Leave.
You've got a smart brain girl, listen to it.
You've bee together for 6 months. This is normally called the honeymoon period, where people are on their best behaviour, trying to still woo their new partner, make the best impression.
Now, here you're talking about "managing to work through some of his issues" already, and THIS situation happened.
Remember, this is his best. This is the side he's choosing to show you to make you love him forever. There's nothing better coming in.
You need to leave him ASAP as this is the beginning of an abusive relationship
Block him everywhere and you get a therapist to support your healing from being with an emotional abuser.
Make sure you are no longer location sharing, etc..
Threaten him with a restraining order if he shows up in person. Call the police. Call your family. Tell everyone what he has done.
Do not keep this a secret. Take action and protect yourself, your peace.
Having to go to couples therapy at six months of dating is very concerning! Honestly you should cut your losses listen to your brain and move on. When someone shows you who they are the first time believe them save yourself the heartache in the future
Give yourself this advice too please. If your so called husband wanted you on the deed you would’ve been on it already.
His explanation makes zero sense. If he did set up the test, that's disgusting and immature. If he DIDN'T set up a test, him yelling at you and calling you names because HIS FRIEND messaged you, is disgusting. Either way he's a creep and not a good choice for a partner.
I personally don’t think you should do therapy. These red flags are pretty serious and at only 6 months. Some abusive men take years to before they get to this level.
Your brain is correct.
He sets up this test to be a lose-lose situation for you.
If you took up his friend's offer, you lose.
If you didn't, you also lose.
You cannot be a winner.
Be graceful, exit.
And don't look back.
He's not a catch.
consider this: 6 months in, and he is already shouting at you, thinking that scaring you and insulting you will make him feel better. Even if we disregard the stupidity of a loyalty test, his first instinct was to hurt you (psychologically) hoping that you would beg him to believe you.
As much as he says that this won't happen again, it will. There will be other occasions, planned or not, when he will want some reassurance from you, and you've already seen what he will do to get it. And he may escalate things if you don't satisfy his ego.
Listen to your brain, he's ruined the relationship, he's betrayed your trust and there is no way to recover from it. As soon as he'll stop apologizing, he will return to his old thought mechanism and pull similar tricks and abuse.
You dodged a bullet. It's only been 6 months and not only have you had to help him get through issues but he's also engaging in manipulative and abusive behaviour.
Bye to that man.
Listen to what your brain is telling you. He's testing the waters, to see what else he thinks you'll let him get away with. He's manipulative and abusive. Leave now. Before things escalate to full-blown controlling behaviour and physical abuse. Block him and his buddy on everything. You deserve better.
Men are not our projects. You don't need to fix this guy. It's not your job. He can work on himself. Or not. Up to him entirely but also not your problem.
Dump his ass
6 months? I'd leave if this was a 6 year relationship. Verbally abusing you for something he orchestrated is super fucked up.
I've been around long enough to think he might be projecting. Maybe he has a guilty conscience
He probably cheated. Sounds like he has the emotional intelligence of a flea, and my guess is he cheated on you and that is what's prompting the insecurity. Somewhere his dumb lil lizard brain feels guilty so instead of being an actual man and confessing he's become paranoid you'll cheat back.
Dump. Him.
This is ridiculous. He’s abusive and has morbid jealousy. And if you stay you’re a sucker.
Hi is 12!!! Do you really want to date someone who is 12. Find yourself a man to date not a child.
If he draws you back in I can see this cycle repeating tenfold.
You've been with him for six months. This isn't love. It's just a honeymoon phase. It's not your job to help him work through his jealousy issues. This isn't your issue to fix. Let him to it on his own time.
You can't "find a therapist" for him.
Seriously. He needs to realize he needs help. If he ASKS you to find a therapist, he's still being immature, but I can see how you might want to help.
Just realize he's turning you into his parent figure.
You are making this a big deal because it is, in fact, a big deal. This falls squarely in the play stupid games, when stupid prizes, category.
Either you agree to cheat and the relationship ends. Or he undermines your trust and the relationship very likely ends. Self destructive on his part.
But. Your BF, the person you love and trust, was willing to manipulate you purely because he felt like it. Then, when you behave in an adult way, he doubles down goes ballistic to make you feel awful. More manipulation. And cruel manipulation at that. Purely for his benefit.
Or, it wasn’t a test, in which case he unfairly blamed you and then lied.
Either way. A manipulating liar. I agree with your sister.
This
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3d
That whole comment " I knew you were looking for an excuse to abandon me " is just more manipulation. That would have pissed me off ! You did the right thing.
Pissed me off just reading it and I'm not even dating this dud.
He just told me "I knew you were looking for an excuse to abandon me" - I have no idea what he means by abandoning him.
Translation: "I can't admit that I am the problem, so I need to make this all your fault somehow. I'll pretend you're making this into a bigger deal than it is, so you doubt yourself, forgive me, and stay to prove you weren't going to leave me and that you are a better person than I'm making you out to be. Worst case, you'll leave anyway, but I've made you the bad guy and I can clear myself of any guilt."
Hope that helps.
Just his response is telling enough and you did the right thing. Take some time to yourself and when you feel ready to get back in the dating scene just remember you have good instincts! If something doesn't feel right you don't have to stay. Best of luck!
Hon, I'm so glad to hear this result. You did the right thing. This guy is trash and his response to you breaking up really shows it. You go girl! You deserve better and will find better!
This wreaks of safe sabotage on his part. He is so insecure that he cannot trust any partner. In this state of mind his only comfort comes from the illusion of being in control of everything. You made the right decision. Don't look back.
"Abandon me" = I'm soooo broken by my own buy-in to shitty patriarchal ideals and unwilling to fix it, but I'll never get an actual human woman to stay with me while I project all my toxicity onto her and make it her fault. Won't you stick by me and be my punching bag while I continue to blame everyone else and never get around to the introspection and taking responsibility part.
I abandoned one years ago and as far as I hear he is still working as the Walmart greeter in my hometown. Not that I'm denigrating Walmart greeters but this POS doesn't even smile or say hello.
You did the right thing by ending the relationship. Don't ever consider going back. Best of luck to you!
Make sure to block him and all of his flying monkeys.
This is a narcissist tactic. I wouldn’t recommend dating a narcissist from experience but that’s one person’s opinion
My guess? This was not a test. Him blowing up at you makes no sense at all. My thought here is that he talked it over with his buddy and this was a face saving move of some kind (telling you it was a test).
It is a six month relationship, I think you walk away from this.
Anyhow, in my opinion, him blowing up at you like that and hurting you makes this a really big deal. Let your anger settle, it is usually best not to make decisions while angry (even if it would be the right one). Keep him no contact while you settle down. Then decide what you decide.
Why did you delete the whole story explanation?
Right?!?! We need a screenshot!
Pullpush.io is the new Unddit
Haha, wtf? Dude's unhinged
Also, how is screaming at you after you showed him the messages part of the loyalty test? You already showed your loyalty. Sounds like he just wanted to cuss you out. Yeah, relationship over. Be glad it was only 6 months until he showed you what an absolute moron he is
If trust is so bad that you need a loyalty test, the relationship is over.
You can't work through it because your boyfriend testing how trustworthy you are broke your ability to ever trust him. And the fact he reacted by calling you all manner of things when you actually passed the test, that is how he would react if this wasn't a test. Like, it's your fault someone else finds you attractive, it's not the friend's responsibility to exercise self control? If this was genuine, how would it be your fault?
Don't take him back. You don't need to waste time with people who need to manipulate you in order to trust you. Trust should always just be an assumption in a relationship.
Respectfully said as a man, my god what a loser.
Man where's the original post? Wt was the test? I think I could relate to the one time my ex tried to test my loyalty too... Needless to say, she became my ex soon after I passed the test and proved my loyalty.
Where is the original post?!
Did op delete the original question? What was it?
I can't find the post this is an update of
Tell him to fuck off, then keep fucking off until he floats off the planet.
If it was a test why did he scream and swear at you when you passed?
If he’s testing you he is a weird manipulative guy that doesn’t trust you, and took the opportunity to scream at you when he knew you were innocent.
Ditch him he sounds like an angry weirdo
Testing your partner in this way is juvenile and unhealthy for a relationship, I would feel humiliated and betrayed too.
But oddly, the detail that annoys me the most about this particular story is that your bf is too stupid to know how the test even works... By all accounts, you PASSED his stupid test, so there was no reason for him to go ballistic on you, even in the context of his trick.
6 months is nothing. I think you can do better.
Break up.
The fact that he roped his friend into trying to get you to cheat is toxic enough as is but the fact that he pretended to be pissed at you just makes it a whole new level of toxic.
This is all just awful girly break up, you deserve better.
As they say, you are the company you keep.
She definitely needs to break up with this manipulative and abusive a*hole.
Honey, he became abusive when YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.
Read that sentence again and now say out loud, “He set this up. He set me up. He became abusive when I did the right thing. He isn’t apologizing for being abusive, he is faking remorse because he thinks the test was the only thing he did wrong. He doesn’t feel bad about abusing me. He doesn’t feel bad about humiliating me. He feels bad that I left.”
Now ask yourself, why would he test you? What would he gain had you gone after his friend? What did he do to make him think setting you up (then abusing you when you didn’t fail) was remotely not incredibly stupid? What did he do to give him so much guilt?
He became abusive when you did nothing wrong. Never ever forget that.
He’s a manipulative insecure asshole. Tests like that are stupidity at best, and there’s no excuse for screaming at you like that. Don’t bother trying to salvage the relationship.
There are two possibilities. One, he asked his friend to sexual harass you, verbally abused and victim blamed you when you trusted and confided in him, then told you the truth to minimize how horrible and potentially dangerous he is. Two, he verbally abused and victim blamed you when you trusted and confided in him, then lied to you to minimize how horrible and potentially dangerous he is.
Whether it was the truth or not doesn't matter. What matters is that he revealed himself as an untrustworthy and unsafe partner. You can't work through it. Your mom is being stupid by minimizing his behavior and telling you to take him back. There's no excuse for him. Another unfortunate lesson here is that you can't trust your mother to support you when your safety is in question.
What an incredible dick move on the part of both your BF and his friend.
You don't need this BS in your life, OP. They fucked around, and their finding out will be you moving on to much better relationships in your future.
I think what your bf did was incredibly immature. If he can’t trust you and has to do a “loyalty test” then there really isn’t a relationship because no trust = no HEALTHY relationship. And the fact that he acted like that when you TOLD him is extreeeeeemely toxic. Look, I know it’s hard to trust people these days but if you haven’t done anything to him then he’s obviously just bringing baggage from his own insecurities/ and or other relationships - which is NO excuse. But even if he didn’t trust you then… there’s other ways to build trust in MATURE ways IF you think the relationship is worth staying in/rebuilding.
NO.
Block and move on.
Deception is abuse. Yelling insults is abuse. He’s abusive.
RUN
You should make a big deal out of this. It's deeply manipulative and he knowingly, intentionally upset you.
Tell him he didn't pass the 'Grown-Ass Man' test, and drop him.
It was a test to see if you'd put up with emotional abuse, yelling & controlling/manipulative behaviour.
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
You've been 6 months together and he does "tests" on you... Tell me he doesn't trust you without telling me...
I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 1 year and a half and none of us ever thought of doing any of these stupid internet"trust" games because they're nothing but wrong and destructive... If you don't trust the person, testing doesn't help you, it ruins their trust in you. Why be together in the first place? Work on personal issues and then bring another person in.
Only 6 months in a he thought he needed to test you? Talk about insecurity.
Look, he doubled down when you felt uncomfortable about his friend’s sexual advances by screaming at you and calling you names! You cannot trust him. It’s that simple. I would even let him know that. It’s not ONLY about the test, which is immature bullshit, but that fact that he proved to you that he can never be your safe harbor. If someone was sexually harassing you, you could not ask this man for safety and comfort.
The test is a stupidity contest but the real problem is your BF's reaction. He set it up and then he decided to blame you anyway. At any point before you broke down and before you left the apartment your BF could have admitted that he set it all up. Instead he inflicted emotional and psychological harm, made you feel unsafe where you live and then, after that had all happened, he texts you.
Leave the idiot. You're not making a big deal out of something trivial - this is an actual big deal. The problem isn't even the loyalty test, it's his insane reaction. You did nothing wrong and he called you names and blamed you for something completely out of your control. He isn't a safe person. In good news, he showed you precisely who he is early on. In bad news, he's an awful person.
you KNOW it ruined the relationship. Only 6 months in and he’s already verbally abusive. That man is dangerous and your mom is crazy for underplaying it, sorry not sorry.
What I’m really concerned about is his word choice once you confronted him with what his friend had done. If it was his plan all along to test you wouldn’t that be his opportunity to then say oh my God you pass the test we were just trying to see what you would say and if you were faithful. But instead he decided to Curse you out and call you out of your name? That doesn’t make any sense and also why does he think that he can speak to you that way and you have to forgive him? It’s really weird to me but it seems like in a way if you take him back that’s another test for him to see how far he can push boundaries with you. To me this would be a really big red flag! And honestly don’t listen to your mom because he hasn’t learned any lesson because he shouldn’t of done that shit in the first place
Hello? If it was a loyalty test, why did he rage out on you 🤨 math is not mathing here. If you passed the test, why did he name call you? What's he on about? He has some issues that you do NOT need to take on. This is disrespectful as shit and he can sleep in the bed he's made.
I guess when you FAFO, it's usually too late to asplogise.
My sister says that if he needed a loyalty test, then I shouldn't be with a man like that at all.
I agree with your sister, because if he felt the need to do this to you, he was already doubting you.
Updateme, but ultimately, it's up to you. If you feel that you can move past this and that he's not protecting his infidelity (a possible reason why he did the test) and can move past his idiocy, then do you, for you and no one else.
Edit:
I just read some of your comments.
Oh boy, if I were you, I'd run for the hills and never look back.
He has some serious issues going on and his ridiculous test was just a long line of controlling & gaslighting that his immature self should sit and spin on.
You're too good for his crap. Do you and find someone who actually gives a damn about you.
I agree with your sister. Dont bother with someone who needs to do loyalty tests, they will always have some level of doubt towards you.
What an idiot- turns out taking Tate advice doesn’t work.
Keep watching tik tok videos and then basing your whole life and everything you do on those videos and THIS is exactly what you get💯👍
Using “stupid” and “childish” may have been an acceptable excuse if we were talking about a 15 year old who doesn’t know any better yet. Your BF is 25. Him and his buddy are immature morons. I’d block them both and move on.
On another note, I just vividly remembered unfriending someone when I was 12 because they tried pushing “loyalty tests” on me.
The test is idiotic. His reaction is abusive. You deserve better!
“Divorce babes!”
He’s immature and not only questioned your character, but did so with zero evidence, in a way which was sneaky and childish, and then verbally abused you when you passed his stupid test.
I would have the ick too, get rid of him.
Your ex sounds like an insufferable moron.
loyalty test? what are you? twelve?
He's shown you who he really is, believe it. As they say, you are the company you keep - in this case, I'm referring to your (hopefully soon-to-be ex) boyfriend and his buddy. They're absolutely vile and disgusting scumbags.
No, the relationship can't be salvaged. He meant every degrading and nasty word he said to you, he's broken your trust. He can't just say something so vile to you, the woman he supposedly loves and think that he can come back from it. Actions have consequences.
Break up with him and block them both on everything. There's a loving and respectful man out there waiting for you, you just need to drop this loser like the hot garbage he is first.
No if he trusted you he wouldn’t have needed to test you listen to your sister
Fuck that. What an incredibly immature and abusive thing to do. Ironically, he's the one who showed his true colors from this test.
Immediate dump. Never let a bf yell at you
When you brought the evidence to him about what happened, which was the right thing to do, he berated you.
He knew it was a loyalty test (not condoning the loyalty test) and her verbally abused you for being honest.
Instead of coming clean with what he had done, he made you the bad guy. This is how every argument will go regardless of who is at fault, he will make it your fault. This guy is not a person you should date, unless you love being gaslit.
I'm going to guess that this was not a loyalty test at all! I think your boyfriends best friend came on to you for real and then when your boyfriend confronted him about it, the best friend said HE was doing a loyalty test to look out for his "bro" (even though he wasn't, this was a planned move on you imo) and your boyfriend has believed him cos he's an idiot and is now protecting him.
Yeah, "loyalty tests" and other such type tests are bullsh*t. So, if you want to totally and completely drop him over stuff like that, sure, feel free to do so, fully justified if you want to.
bf went ballistic - he started screaming at me
Yeah, more than enough reason right there to dump that bf.
he texts me "I wasn't serious - it was
Easy to handle, reply, e.g.:
"I am serious, we're finished. You don't pull cr*p like that on people you care about. You clearly don't care about me enough, so we're done forever, goodbye."
And that's the end of that.
He insulted my morals
He grossly disrespected you. The way he behaved is the kind of sh*t kids on an elementary school playground do, not decent well behaved adults. Clearly he's not a decent well behaved adult. So be done with him.
He won't stop calling and texting me. His buddy texted me
Tell 'em to go bugger off.
Maybe we can work through this.
Your choice. I won't bother. There's way better out there to be found.
he was just being stupid and childish
Yeah, ... and majorly so with your relationship ... if he was 6, whatever, give him another chance ... but he's damn near 26, not 6 ... so I wouldn't even bother with him, but hey, your choice.
he's learned his lesson
Has he really? Does he damn well understand what a stupid immature thing that was to do? Does he dang well know that you don't treat people you care about like that? Does he actually really care about you? Does he have a nasty jealous side where that's going to continually or repeatedly be a problem?
sister says that if he needed a loyalty test then I shouldn't be with a man like that at all.
Yeah ... sis knows ... but your choice to make.
worth it to try to work things out after my anger settles?
Dear knows. I say (probably) not, but you know him much better than I.
Maybe I am making a big deal out of something trivial and childish.
It's not trivial at all. And childish? Yeah, stupid, inappropriate, childish, and just plain wrong. And he's 25, not 5, so do well consider that. How much other stupid immature sh*t is he going to do/pull? And especially stuff that disrespects you or doesn't treat you well?
Holy mother of christ. This guy is mental. Just run. Block him everywhere dont even explain or bother to entertain any kind of conversation.
When you break up with him, reinforce it is for his benefit so he learns to never, ever do that shit to anybody ever again
You break up.
You tell him those types of actions have consequences. He needs to grow up and Op, no guy is worth this drama.
I had to go back to look if the ages were listed because I thought maybe this was a 16 or 17-year-old, but a 25 year old man???
And your mother defended that? I would have only agreed with your mother if he was 16 years old.
Anyone, of any gender flavor, who plays games like this deserves to be dumped immediately.
Break up with this boy, block him, and never look back.
Loyalty test? What is he, a 15 year old high schooler?
"Tests" are abuse. I don't care if no one else agrees with me, manipulating your partner to force them to prove their worth to you is fucked up.
People who replace the OP with the update after 5 hours while keeping the comments deserve to be in bad relationships
Your stbx boyfriend is a dick. Relationships are based on trust. Clearly he doesn't trust you, and thinks you need to proof your loyalty to him.
This is not normal adult behavior, this is childish, insecure, and inconsiderate. He never considered how this would make you feel. He only wanted his result. So is this a partner? Is this someone who has your back when you need it? Is this someone who you can trust no matter what?
Your boyfriend’s behavior is so toxic. Leave him. He hi does this stuff like this. Insecure? Maybe? More like controlling and manipulate. Leave for your own sake and safety.
Hell no, you should remain well and truly far away from your ex bf.
It’s bad enough that he instigated the thing, but then he actually berated you when you passed his stupid test by telling him.
Leave the guy, maybe he’ll learn from the experience and you’ll meet in a few years with him a better person. If you stay, he won’t learn a thing and the stupid games will continue.
Life’s hard enough, you don’t need people in your life who manufacture drama.
very childish of him and you're right to be angry!
what the hell? your sister is right. he likely feels bad now, but what the hell that's not how you behave.
Fuck. That. Idiot. He is not worthy of you. If someone has to “test” how you feel about them, they obviously have some guilt about something they did.
Fuck that.
How old is your ex boyfriend again?
What ever the gender loyalty tests are dumb. Its highly immature and shows you don't take your partners feelings seriously. I would never date anyone who did this, its a huge red flag.
That’s emotional manipulation. Absolutely not.
Listen to your sister
Welp, that's one way to fuck up a relationship.
This isn't the way to deal with trust issues. What kind of high-school nonsense? Dude's too old for that. Ditch him.
“MAyBe wE cAn WoRk ThRoUgH ThIs.”
You’ve got to be fucking KIDDING ME. Have some self respect honestly.
He called you a wh*re. Like are you joking right now? How is this confusing? Be a little brave. Just a little. I know it sucks to let someone go that you have feelings for but that’s the way it goes: you get rid of men who do this shit. Even though it’s hurts at first. You get the fuck rid of them.
Six months in and he’s already pulling stunts like this? Nah girl. He ain’t the one.
Ma’am, respectfully everyone, including you, are too grown to be acting like this. You want to try and fix a grown man you’ve only been seeing for 6 months. He verbally berated you for no reason other than his own insecurities. We all have our issues, but there are some that can only be worked out through time and therapy. You are not his mother, if he recognizes he has a problem with trust then he needs to put in the work of dealing with that. You also need to figure out why you are so willing to fix someone else’s problem when it’s not you’re responsibility. You sound like a really caring and compassionate person. You also sound like a doormat.
Ok but why would he cuss u out and call u out of your name🤔that's the confusing part for me..he got his reaction and still went onto do that..dump his sorry ass!
Pardon - he called you what? It was a ridiculously childish thing to do in the first place but to use it to disrespect you, call you names and cause upset? Hell no. You can’t be with someone this stupid anyway, like did he not sit and think hmm I wonder how this may pan out - best case I come off as a childish moron, and it ruins my friend and partners chances of getting along; she responds in kind to my friend; or worst ..she’ll dump me. There wasn’t really a positive outcome.
God no. Loyalty tests are for children. Maybe if he had come clean immediately...but using it as an excuse to yell at you, to blame the disloyalty of his friend on YOU. No, fuck that. You cannot trust him. Why the fuck would you take that pos back?
You don't "test" a partner like that. What is wrong with them???
And worst of all, the things he said to you and how he acted as part of his little test...that's not right and it's not normal.
If he's doing things like that, next he'll be demanding to check your phone and know exactly where you are and who with.
You are so awfully young. I mean the loyalty test itself is stupid, but what really is the issue for me is his reaction when you showed him the message. He had zero reason to scream at you and call you names, because even in their stupid little loyalty testing word you passed it. You didn't answer and showed him when it was too much to ignore. But no he needed that moment to break you down and call you names. It's so telling about he has zero respect for you, he probably got this idea to put you in a place to make you easier to control by one of those taterthots-idiots, that also think as the woman you belong in the kitchen.
Please have in mind, he won't become better and showed you what he thinks is your place in this relationship the moment you came to him, looking for help because his best friend molested you. If you'll ever seriously get attacked by a guy, this is the reaction you have to expect from him: being shamed, saying it's your fault and getting zero backup because his tiny fragile ego is more important than his own Girlfriend.
I dump people the moment I realize they "tested" me in anyway. Nope nope nope.
Run, don’t walk. Run away from that person. He is not your lover, he will never love anyone other than himself. Protect yourself. Know your worth.
What was the test?
I wish we could read the original.
He was "testing" to see how much bullshit verbal abuse you would accept. I'm glad you have broken up with him. He will pull all kinds of shit to get you to be with him again, don't fall for it. He isn't a man worth being around.
What was the test?!
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. He doesn't deserve you.
Why would he insult you after you showed him the texts?
That part just doesnt make any sense?
Fake post?
She explained in a comment that he did so to make her feel guilty incase she was really cheating. Dude has some serious trust issues.
Ok test.. I get it.. Not really but okay maybe he has some kind of past trauma...
But...
WHY DID HE BURST AND CALL YOU NAMES AND BLAME YOU ??
You immediately showed him friend's msgs.. That us the best thing you did. He should have been happy with that and stopped right there.
What the H was his reaction?
Something is very wrong and very immature about this. I mean you passed the test so why he had to hurt your feelings??
It is said and I agree with personal experience we should stay away from people who play games.
If he really did have a past trauma.. And he really loved you... He could have secretly tested you for his traumas sake and never ever let you know.. Coz it might hurt your feelings. Not only he tell you.. He even reacted in worst way which was not even needed. This right here is not right.
DO A LOYALTY TEST ON HIM.
Ew, he's gross.
It’s a stupid game. These guys are immature and insecure.
He is not worth your time or energy. Creeps like him are insecure and will always be trying shite like this ,dump him ASAP
If bro wanted to play games he shouldve bought a playstation
Move on. Live and learn. Life is a lesson it is also the teacher.
Yeah, I’d be out of there. I made it clear very early on in my wife and my relationship that setting traps and testing me would be a deal breaker to me. IMO that is controlling behavior, and him doing this has in fact broken your trust despite it supposedly renewing his trust in you.
I'm seeing a lot of posts lately regarding those loyalty tests. The outcomes are always the same (shocked Pikachu face). The person tested gets mad and leaves.
WTF is wrong with people these days?
If your SO acts like a child and needs to test you, maybe it's better that the person being tested gets offended, because this in itself is very offensive.
Either way you end up alone.
His insecurities is going to make him lose a good gf. How many times will he do this? This is emotional abuse just starting out. Time to break up and find someone who will trust you and let you have your dignity.
Run away from this man and don’t look back!
Leave him, there is no need for me to write a long reason why, this is a RIDICULOUS thing you have experienced
What an immature person (your bf). Not only his reaction but the insecure need to 'test' you. Run girl.
this person doesn’t trust or respect you. having the gall to insult and attack you when you’ve done nothing wrong should be enough for you to see he is a bad person. you are an adult and he needs to quit playing fourteen year old games.
Listen to your sister!!!! Your bf is too insecure to be in a healthy relationship. Get out now. This isn’t worth your time.
Kids being kids move on whilst it’s easy!!
All I'm going to say is, is the relationship worth salvaging when the female partner does it instead?
Honey please do not go back there. Not sure why your mum is supporting this Trainwreck of a boy - listen to your sister. The fact that he had the audacity to also scream at you is some hardcore gaslighting.
Most importantly: DO NOT let anyone make you think that you're overreacting to this insane behavior.
Ick.
Your sister is spot on. It sounds like your mum is telling you to “give him the benefit of the doubt”. Hell no! He doesn’t deserve any grace from you. He is highly abusive and if you reconcile with him it indicates him that he can treat you however he likes.
He has eroded your trust and he doesn’t deserve another chance.
All I read was the title and your answer is NO. Do not try to salvage anything.
Okay I’m going to read the rest now.
Na. Be out. Not with a lil man playing loyalty games. Thats petty af of him.
No. "Loyalty tests" are abuse. Run.
There’s no need to take him back quickly, if you do at all.
I could, maybe, get past the loyalty test if he straight up owned up to doing it, but the fact that he screamed at you and called you names is the big red flag.
There is never an excuse for any of that. Disagreements can be solved with calm conversation. Don't date people who yell and name call, ever.
I'm with your sister's view.
If you get back together, you will always be 2nd guessing what else would he be testing you for the rest of your life.
Close this chapter of your life.
There are lots of fishes in the sea.
This one is too immatured.
Save yourself a lot of grief down the road.
Block him.
Forever.
I could MAYBE recommend getting over it if he had just said he knew when you showed him, I would not recommend getting over it after he called you names and made you cry
Good for you👍
Dump him, wait a few days, write back to his friend, teach him the lesson he'll never forget for the rest of his life
Write back to his friend what??
Coming to reddit for advice on abuse is ridiculous. If a guy doesn't fill a spouse's water glass all the way up, the people will call it marriage ending psychological abuse that should end in jail time, if not the death penalty.
This sub has literally said that asking "are you sure?" is rape.
Hmmm as someone that was dating a woman who had questionable patterns of behavior , I did this and she failed horribly, just straight up flirting, being suggestive.
I don't think the test is the issue, how he went about it after you told him about the friend was mad weird. Sounds like he set u up to fail to be honest.
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