Link to original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/NixBeRBD5d :)
NOT OOP AITA for asking for a weekend away with friends, leaving wife to look after 4 month old baby?
Am I...grain of salt but he does say in the post that she’s welcome to take one whenever she wants. is that actually how it would play out? who knows
As of that post, the baby’s only 2 months old. The mom is barely recovered if even. She’s probably not feeling up to a night out.
And how much does all of that cost? Like one event sure, but that’s a lot of fun to have FOMO about especially after pregnancy hormones. When the kid is older, maybe have family watch and take wifey but that just seems selfish on his part
I like how he says he’d happily look after the baby by himself, but I guarantee he’d be texting and calling her asking questions, instead of letting her enjoy the time off.
Lol that's my wife any time I leave for more than an few hours. It's tough when you're not the main parent
Don’t make assumptions. Many fathers are capable parents who can parent without a manual.
But if she is breastfeeding then she doesn’t get that option for a hot minute
I totally agree that the mother has to structure her life around breastfeeding (and related pumping) responsibilities. But the response thread we’re commenting on talks about a father being unable to parent by himself for a short time.. many fathers are capable and don’t need support to parent their kids. And saying this somehow gets me down-voted.
Well when the child is 4 months old feeding is a high priority. Breastfeeding is literally something a male cannot do. The relevance is there. I also think with guys there is a very big spectrum of ability when it comes to raising children. Some may know way more but a vast majority do not know much and unfortunately don’t take an active role. It’s also not guaranteed that he would also give her a full weekend child free. It seems like she is doing this without familial support and it also seems like their first child from the post (both assumptions- could easily be wrong and more info would help tremendously). I’m still more concerned with financials of it all- those seem like two large events which can make everything else a surcharge from housing to transportation
Like it’s great he wants to still go out and do things, but the priority should be the baby
So he should have no other interests or hobbies besides being a parent? Sounds like a great way to have a dysfunctional family. Obviously with a kid as young as four months you’re not going to spend tons of time every day on a hobby, but this sounds like a special occasion, where the kid wouldn’t suffer for it.
But the mother would with the increased workload and having no time off. He will want to decompress/rest when he gets back to be able to jump right back into work. Once again, if the child was older it wouldn’t seem like such a big deal (esp if finances are a non-issue) but this just seems like it will lead to resentment down the line
Increased workload for 2ish days, for a special occasion, possibly still with help (assuming the family he mentions are okay with helping) and with an offer to take her own weekend off to unwind.
Oh I know they are, but something makes me sense that this one isn’t
Why?
Why are you getting downvoted? It's as if you can't say anything nice about fathers on here.
I didn't leave a manuaal for my husband when I was away for a night from my 6m old. I didn't even mention anything specific. All we talked about was how I know they would be fine and it would be the hardest on me - and this is how it was. I am breastfeeding, they had a stash of milk and I pumped while I was away.
I gave him a night away a few months ago as well. He had a cool event that he didn't have to pay for. It was fine.
How are people surrounded with only incompetent men?
Many men are, but if this jackass has changed two whole diapers in two months I'll eat my damn phone.
I don’t get the downvotes either.
Yeah, he’s an asshole if he says he will do it but then doesn’t, but than hasn’t happened yet.
We talk about fathers needing to step up because they actually can, but then treat them like they can’t and don’t believe them when they say they want to are able to do it, which, imo, just further perpetuates men not caring for the kids and believing that’s just the woman’s job.
Let him be judged for his actual failures, not a possibility of failure.
He asked , she said no, move on. It’s ok to ask but if she said no, then it’s not happening. Every mom & baby is different so if she feels she will struggle, then that is that. Also, as a man, there will be other concerts and football matches, this dude knows that. Not worth the row.
Read this exact same story months ago, but instead of a concert it was WrestleMania.
This guy thinks he should get a cookie because he scaled back his outings… like does your wife ever get an outing or is she stuck with the baby all the time? I think we all know the answer to that. When you have a child you don’t get to hang out anymore you gotta take care of your wife as well. SMH. Typical. Always want to have kids but don’t wanna do what you supposed to do for the spouse and the kids.
He gets 1 night out per week plus 1 per month. So 64 nights per year in total, which the wife does not get. Stir crazy my ass.
Don't be the couple that doesn't let each other do things with friends.
By 4 months I was more than ready to be alone with the baby for a weekend by myself. My husband was able to give me nights with my friends etc. I was still breastfeeding so a weekend away was doable. But come on, we aren't keeping score. I had work trips and girl trips when the kids were older.
Grow up, be partners.
I think it really depends on the baby, tbh. If my husband had asked me this when our daughter was four months old, that would have been just fine. She was a healthy, easy baby. If he had wanted to go when our son was born, I would have punched him in the face. My son had extreme acid reflux that required custom-made medication. He had to be only slightly reclining or upright 24/7 for the first 6 months of his life, and my husband was literally the only other person on Earth who could hold him without him screaming like the world was ending. I didn’t sleep more than an hour at a time for the entire first year of his life. A weekend alone with him would have been very hard to forgive.
Yeah this is a very good point. Our son was harder to cope with for a while at 4 months than he was as an infant as that was when he had reflux and a biiiig sleep regression. By the time my husband came back from work I was counting down the minutes to be able to have help. But if he wanted to go in the comparatively mellow 3 or 5 month stages I would have been relatively ok with it and just tagged in some family
This sounds like a pretty specialized case though. And there’s at least the possibility that she could still have help. (Maybe the husband is volunteering the other family without warning, or maybe they’ve offered to help in just this sort of situation. Who knows?)
I agree with you. It’d be one thing if Mom was on her own with no support, OOP clearly stated otherwise. There are single moms and single dads that make do every day - it’s different when you’re single because you’re not expecting help, but two days with no husband is sooo doable.
Exactly. I'm glad someone here has sense the other comments are just asking for a toxic relationship. You need time apart and it isn't a score your holding on days away if she has an event she wants to go too in a week or a month whenever she should be allowed to as well. It's all about balance
Ugggh thank you. I’m so glad there’s at least one reasonable human being here. It’s one weekend. They have family that is nearby. It is totally acceptable and not an AH move to go spend two nights away from home.
Your life gets way too busy for most things when you have a baby, but this does not read to me like’s it’s unfair. He paid for the concert ticket already
He’s saying he would be gone for a day and a half and there’s family nearby. And he’s also willing to take the baby if she wants a trip. I don’t see where he’s the asshole or even really in the wrong. At four months in that should be fine.
I'm with the husband. Take the weekend. Your wife is being unreasonable. If she can't handle a weekend alone she probably shouldn't have had a baby
He could be leaving out info but I agree. Its one weekend lol. If ANY parent cannot handle a child for one weekend they have much bigger problems.
When does the wife get her long weekend away?