User deleted post
My gf complains about everything and my life became hell after I met her but I stay because I’m weak.
User deleted comment
7d
I’m no stranger to relationships and know how it should be. My problem is I go all in once I like somebody giving no thought to my own feelings or health.
User deleted comment
7d
Yes I am aware there are good people but it seems like I can’t find them.
User deleted comment
7d
If I can erase all the memories like we can on computer hard drives I’d be gone in half a second. It took me 2 years to get over my last breakup I just don’t want to go through that again.
The reason it two years is because you took too long to end.
You definitely won't find a good one if you stop looking and settle for this mistreatment.
She's not going to change, and she's going to destroy your self worth. You've gone all out for someone who is not even attempting to reciprocate.
Leave. Go no contact. Stop doing anything for her. Start doing things for yourself. Being with no one is preferable to being with someone who breaks you down on purpose.
once I like somebody giving no thought to my own feelings or health.
If you don't take care of yourself, you'll never be able to be a good partner for the next person who actually deserves to be with you
I heard this quote from a long time ago and believe in it “be with someone who likes you instead of someone you like”. Guess I’m stupid for not following it
It happens to most of us, don't beat yourself up for it. It's hard to use logic when emotions cloud our judgement.
Yes exactly normally I’m very logical except when it comes to relationships
This isn't a post describing someone that you like though. It's an essay about all the ways she treats you like shit. You need to end this, you'll be much happier after the short term weirdness. Trust me I've been there.
Info:
In this post you wrote
We are both Chinese so she’s already entitled and expects the guy to do everything.
but in another post you wrote
For contexts sake she’s very independent, parents divorced early and she’s been in a country with no kin for most of her life.
A person who's independent usually doesn't expect other people do to everything for them. No matter the gender.
?
Do everything as in all the cooking, driving, chores, paying when she’s in a relationship but when she’s not she’s independent. She’s just lazy and wants a provider (her words)
How old is she? As in is she young and immature.
Early 30s. I’m late 20s
Yeah, forgot. Saw your ages on the last post and should've just checked there.
You don't like her anymore. Go all in, by getting all out.
Take some time to be single, my man. I promise you, you'll be happier than you are with her. Been there. Not to mention it will be Incredibly satisfying to tell her she isn't worth it.
She's always going to be this way. Is this really how you want to live?
I'd drop this girl.
As long as you like being a doormat.
"A good person deep down"? Waaaaaaay deep down, it sounds like. You told her you're suicidal and her concern was how bad it would make her look?
She has openly told you that she is not - and WILL NOT - be happy with you.
So take her at her word. Pack a bag. The next time she complains, turn to her and say "You're absolutely right, I'm not good enough. You shouldn't suffer like this anymore." and LEAVE. (And if she's complaining about food, dump her plate in the trash.) Go see those friends and family for a bit, do something fun that she never lets you do, whatever floats your boat. But stop pouring your heart and life into someone who values neither.
If she quits her job and leaves the country, SO WHAT? That just removes the temptation to get back together - that's a good thing.
This woman sounds like a narcissist.
You need a hug and a huge dose of courage bc when you leave (you are leaving her; she is abusing you) she will manipulate all the ways she can to get you back into her claws.
Run and block her on every way possible she could contact you and let every mutual friend know that you are going No Contact with her.
You need a clean break.
She will never be happy and I’m pretty confident all the comparisons she makes about her ex bfs and how gifts/cars/etc were better are all lies intended to make you feel like shit and manipulate you to do more for her.
She won’t try to get me back there’s lots of guys who want her. She never goes back to an ex.
So? That’s good isn’t it, you can escape this nonsense.
Take her off the pedestal man, what even is this response?!
If there’s a lot of guys who want her, great, that makes this even easier for you.
Grow a spine, stand up, and walk away.
You're not weak. Not even close.
There is complex psychology at play here, maybe more than you realize. Relationships like this literally change your brain chemistry.
Her reactions to your behavior say more about her than they do about you. You are worthy of someonewho treatsyou with respect and kindness, regardless of what you can provide for them.
Set this girl free. Tell her you are breaking up with her because you want her to go find someone who will buy her nice things and give her what she wants.
Once you get some space and time away from her, you will start to feel stronger and gain more and more clarity. You'll be able to process your feelings and heal.
Please take heart. You deserve a good life regardless of how much money you make or what kind of car you drive. Good luck.
Therapy. You need therapy to build up your self esteem.
Complain about it and do nothing to change it. Be a man.
Are you a masochist? Why do you continue to suffer this? you're already thinking of driving into the mountains to harm yourself...sigh.
You need to stop. Stop wasting anymore of your time on her. You need to break up and she needs that break, so she can grow the f up. Her whole life is being coddled. And it is destroying you in the process.
There's still hope for you. You're not married to her and I assume there are no children involved. So this should be easy. Just ghost her..
You deserve better. There is a woman out there who would appreciate a man like you but you won't meet her, if you're stuck with that monster. Run.
Maybe, plan a trip or vacation. just to get away from her for awhile. Just so you can have some time for yourself to think clearly. Just don't tell her about the trip... You need an escape plan. Goodluck
Look, a lot of people make this mistake.
"She has nobody left but me... if I left her, she would be all alone."
WRONG CONCLUSION: "Therefore, it would be extra cruel of me to abandon her, and I can't morally do that."
RIGHT CONCLUSION: "Therefore, I should join everyone else who abandoned her. They had the right idea. She drove them away with her nasty personality. It's justified to leave her - everyone else came to the same conclusion."
She’s had like 20 exes that she broke up with because they did stuff wrong she claims
"If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole." - Ray Givens
lol that’s true
OP, we teach people how to treat us by how we act, and, REACT to them.
I mean this respectfully ….. but what you permit ? You promote.
She will continue to use and abuse you until someone better comes along.
It’s far better to be the one who makes the decision to end things (with your dignity intact) than keep up the daily grovel until she kicks you to the curb.
You have to want more for yourself - at the very least ? And woman who sees you as an equal and not a joke to be made fun of.
A HEALTH relationship is mutually beneficial - she’s using you and making a joke of your existence. She’s not a good person - good people don’t treat others that way.
My ex was very similar to your girlfriend. Run! You need to run asap.
She's a bad person, she outright admitted she treats people bad when she thinks she can get away with it. Would you yourself treat someone badly just because you think they won't leave you and put up with it? She is a bad person, you treat people well no matter who they are, she doesn't do that. Listen, I just cut off an abusive extremely toxic person last year, and I put up with him for 7 years, and I wish so bad I had done it sooner, because like you I was kind and innocent and sweet, but these people they WILL turn you bitter and make you hate people in the end. If you stay with her, she will change you into a bitter hateful sad shell of yourself. Don't let her.
I truly don’t understand why you’re still with her. She’s pathetic and you’re a doormat
F**king hell, dude, what a tough read,
If you can’t leave than you are the one to blame. You are rewarding her for her awful behavior, like many have.
Just leave, maybe she’ll change once she looses you!
I think deep down you already know the answer but it doesn't sound like you're ready to accept it yet. Are you able to try out therapy? As long as you don't see value in yourself it doesn't matter how many people say you deserve better if you don't believe it. You sound like a really good guy and I'm sorry you're going through this. Hope things work out for you
Good god man, have some self respect and RUN! Good luck 🍀
F90 M5, dude that car is all the girlfriend you need.
It won't get jealous when you get the E93 M3 and the E46 M3 (one V8 and one for the culture), it won't complain when you drive other cars.
It will be appreciative of any money spent on it. Granted you'll still be broke, but imagine a drive up the mountains, not to kill yourself, but to test the limits of grip... All smiles and no tears.
You'll buy new pilot sport tyres and forged magnesium rims plus 6 pot vented brakes which melt your face off.
Any time spent detailing will be quality time.
Plus, cmon, Chinese dude... You are the new Irish dudes.
I worked my ass off to get that car when I was 25. I’m not rich or born rich I just invested my money during the Covid stock bull run. I’ve always been meaning to put money into it: carbon aero, forged wheels, maybe an exhaust but now money is tight :(
There you have it. Ditch the rich girl and get that aero. Wheels will cost a fortune.
If the roles were reversed, it would be a clear case of an abusive relationship.
Test question for a relationship is :does this person make your life better or worse? Deep down you know what you have to do.
This, my friend is not love.
I know you feel weak now, but I promise you nothing will make you feel stronger than breaking up with her. She has treated you terribly and does not deserve you, and she will not change as long as you are in her life. She can't just treat you like that "because you won't leave." Prove her wrong. Leave.
I know it's scary, but trust me you are so much better off without her. I'm speaking from experience having been in a similar relationship. Nothing made me feel better than the day I finally stood up to it and ended things. I was worried that without a partner I would end up lonely and miserable, but I've felt better being single for a year than I ever did in the abusive relationship.
You are speaking facts. I know what you say is true but part of me thinks if I improve and become the kind of person she wants me to become she’ll like me more. What makes it harder is she can do better but has feelings for me and is willing to marry me according to herself. It’s tough
1) "if I improve and become the kind of person she wants me to become she'll like me more."
No she won't. I know that's harsh but I promise you there's no amount of changing yourself that will make her stop treating you this way. Because you are not the problem. You are bending over backwards and willing to change everything about yourself to make her happy. You're being a good partner. She's treating you like an unpaid servant. She doesn't care about your feelings or your needs, she only cares about how you can be there for you. A relationship that involves 2 people shouldn't be all about 1 person. She even admitted she only treats you this way because she doesn't think you'll stand up to her.
2) "she can do better"
Honestly I doubt it if this is how she treats people she loves.
3) "is willing to marry me according to herself."
Okay. But be honest. Do you want to marry her? Ignore what she wants and think about what you want for just a second. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you this way? She has made it clear she has no intention of changing her behavior "because you'll never leave." I understand that there are good moments, it's like that with every relationship no matter how abusive. But does the good happen more often than the bad? How often are you stressed about this relationship instead of being happy about it? Its enough to make you come to Reddit to vent so it's clearly bothering you.
Look it's your relationship and no one can tell you how to feel or what to do. But this behavior won't stop until you stand up for yourself, even if you don't break up. It's like you said in your post, she doesn't treat anyone else like this because she knows they won't put up with it and will "leave" her, and she thinks you won't so that's why she doesn't hold back with you. There's no amount of changing yourself for her that's going to fix that. You have to change for you and do what's best for you.
Sounds like you deserve much better. And if you landed a “princess” and have kept her this long, you can definitely do better. No one deserves to be treated like a deadbeat when they are actually working very hard.
It’s just her standards are very high from birth. Chauffeur when she went to school and exes spending 50k+ a month on Hermes’ shit for her. Every guy treats her well because she thinks they’re just being nice or because she’s a good person but I’m a guy and I know
So let her go find someone that wants to meet those lofty standards and get your self respect back.
She doesn’t demand that stuff from me. She’s just too used to that kind of behaviour that anything less feels like mistreatment I guess.
I’m mainly concerned with how she seems to treat you while you put in all that effort. I wish you the best of luck though.
That’s the thing. My best to some might be the bare minimum. Guess I should date a down to earth person
Don’t waste your limited time on Earth with people that don’t respect you. People that love each other don’t act that way. Just because she has some redeemable qualities doesn’t make it OK. Just because she came from wealth doesn’t make it OK.
You don’t have to put up with this. You do have the choice to leave. Staying with her is not going to make things better. For your mental health and self esteem, leaving her is the BEST choice for you but YOU have to make it.
The more you suffer the more it shows you really care Please don’t let diva ways get you down get a secret support girl friend instead make her sign a confidentiality contract and know she is there to not only meet your needs but also covertly support you supporting her diva needs This is satire you know life is way less stressful real life relationships should be better not complicated
So I don't see any reason for you to not just break up with her. I get that it's emotional abuse but the worst she threatened is to fly to her best friend and quit her job, right? So let her. Honestly, offer her to drive her to the airport even