Husband called me a bitch for not wanting sex

He is not joking. You are also disrespected.

Why is a father of 4yo twins sleeping until 2PM?

Oh honey, no.

You ARE being disrespected. A lot. It's not a joke if nobody else is laughing.

Jokingly, of course

It's not a joke. Men only pretend to joke about this shit.

The fact that he puts his urges above even your children, makes me think he is a disgusting selfish man who will never put anyone else’s needs before his. You are NOT just a receptacle for his semen or a body to provide sex, whilst doing the household work and childcare. Unless you can go on like this for the rest of your life, I think you should think of leaving him.

Edit: just to underline the fact that rape in marriage is an offense and coercion let alone coercive control is abuse. This man is not an example that any child whether boy or girl, should have in their lives.

Ew, that's so gross. He sees you as a bangmaid.

He's not joking. Why would he get mad if he's "just joking"? He keeps disrespecting you and treating you like his sex toy.

Understand this: IT'S OKAY TO LEAVE.

He isn't joking

I said no. He then said I was a bitch for not giving it to him and went to bed.

I need to add that he wants it ALL THE FREAKING TIME!!! And at most inappropriate times. I’m in the kitchen making lunch and he comes in, grabs my boobs or puts his hand between my legs. He’s all over me all the damn time. It’s so annoying and off putting. He wants it the moment he wakes up, even before I had a chance to make breakfast for our 4yo twins. He is willing to send them out of the room and make them wait until we’re done. If I complain he gets mad, says it’s my duty as a wife. Jokingly, of course but I still feel cheap and disrespected.

Whether you are married or not, if he does not have 'consent' he is ASSAULTING you—and using 'coercion' to "power-over" you.

If you are in question:

Sexual coercion

Sexual coercion is unwanted sexual activity that happens when you are pressured, tricked, threatened, or forced in a nonphysical way. Coercion can make you think you owe sex to someone. It might be from someone who has power over you, like a teacher, landlord, or a boss. No person is ever required to have sex with someone else.

Sexual Boundaries: How to Spot Sexual Coercion

If you’ve ever gone along with sexual activity but didn’t really want to, you may have been sexually coerced. Sexual coercion is using pressure or influence to get someone to agree to sex. People can knowingly coerce others into sex, such as learning manipulative pick-up artist strategies, or unknowingly, such as assuming the other person is OK when they’re not.

Although intentions can be different, the impact of sexual coercion is always the same: consent isn’t given freely.

To stay safe, check out these warning signs of sexual coercion. Remember: How far you want to take physical intimacy is always up to you, whether you’re with your partner, crush, hookup buddy, or someone you just met.

Repeated Attempts

One form of sexual coercion is wearing you down by asking for sex again and again. Whether you’ve gently declined or directly rejected someone’s advances, they shouldn’t keep the pressure on — they should accept your boundary and stop asking.

Examples:

Egging you on, as in: “Come on, it’ll be fun… Oh come ON!

”They touch your body, you move their hand away, and they do it again.Asking multiple times if you’ll have sex without a condom.

People who are being pressured like this might give in just to end the coercion itself. But that’s not freely giving consent.

Sudden Moves

Passionate first hookups in movies often move swiftly from kissing to sex. IRL, it’s rare for two strangers to be on the same page so much that they don’t have to check in with each other. In fact, it’s a form of coercion if someone you don’t know very well starts touching you unexpectedly or starts taking off your clothes without giving you a chance to consent. These types of actions can push you into a situation you’re not ready for.

Examples:

• Showing you porn without warning.
• Quickly getting in your personal space.Taking their clothes off and setting the expectation that you’ll get naked.
• Saying, “I’m about to come — quick, do this [sexual act].
• ”Bringing another person into your sexual space without asking.Putting on a condom without asking if you want to have sex, setting the expectation that you’ll have sex.
• Sudden moves also include moving your body into a position where you can’t give consent — such as turning you around so you can’t see your genital area, and then touching you in a way you wouldn’t have consented to if you’d been able to see it coming.

Manipulation

Have you ever felt tricked into having sex? Or that it was easier to acquiesce to sex than risk upsetting the other person? Know that it’s not your fault. Manipulators create imbalances of power and exploit other people’s penchant for people-pleasing.

Guilt-Tripping You

If someone complains when you set a sexual boundary, it can be a way of guilting you into sex.“If you really loved me, you’d do it.”“But it’s been so long since I’ve been with someone.”“What, do you think I’m ugly?”

Shaming or Punishing You

• Insulting your sexual performance in one area to either get you to do it again or perform a different sexual act.
• Withholding affection with the aim of getting you to drop a boundary.
• Saying they won’t give you something they promised unless you have sex.

Pressing Your Sense of Obligation

It’s coercion if someone tries to convince you that you should have sex or that you owe them.

• “You’re my GIRLFRIEND. Girlfriends are supposed to have sex with their partners.”
• “You’re such a tease. I’m going to get blue balls if I don’t come.”
• “We’ve already done it before. What’s your problem?”
• “Doesn’t everything I’ve done for you mean anything to you?”

Making Their Way Seem Like the “Normal” Way

Nobody should gaslight you or make you feel weird for wanting something different than they do. If someone is normalizing how they think and making your reality out to be wrong, it can be coercion.

“I know you better than you know yourself. And I know you want [this sexual act].”

“We’re sexual people. It’s just the natural thing to do.”

“Most people have sex when they’ve been hanging out as long as we have.” Love-Bombing

This form of sexual coercion includes extreme compliments and big promises if you get sexual.

“I know we just met, but I feel like I love you. I need to make love to you now.”

“You’re the sexiest person I’ve ever seen. If we were having sex I would buy you presents all the time."

Pushing Substances

Alcohol or drugs get your guard down. Perk up your ears if you hear things like:

“Come on, have another drink.” “I like someone who can keep up with me when I’m partying. ”Changing the EnvironmentThis coercive tactic involves unexpectedly moving you from a known, safe place with exit access to a more isolated place. Changing the environment can be the first step toward physically manipulating you into sex — literally moving your body to a place where it’s more difficult for you to resist.

• While the other person is driving and you’re in the passenger seat: “Change of plans! Instead of a bar, it’s drinks at my place.
• ”While at a bar: “It’s too loud. Let’s go somewhere quieter.” Then, grabbing your hand and leading you out to the car.
• While in your date’s living room: “My couch isn’t comfortable. We should finish the movie in bed.” Then, going straight to the bedroom without checking in.
• Perpetrators who get you to a private place might take things further with more sexually coercive tactics.

Up-Negotiation

Consenting to a sex act is just that: consent for one action. But sexual coercion usually isn’t an isolated incident. And it can increase over time. That can look like “up-negotiation” — getting you to agree to one sexual act and then upping the ante. Examples:

Pressuring you to go from a couch to a bed, then pressuring you to go from clothed to unclothed.Quickly taking off your clothes and then saying you might as well have sex.

Consent is not a “given.”

Just because you’ve consented to an act before, doesn’t mean you’ve consented to it forever. This idea also relates to new relationships — just because you’ve given consent to something in a different relationship doesn’t make it “automatic” in a new relationship.

Consent is not a free pass.

Saying yes to one act doesn’t mean you have to consent to other acts. Each requires its own consent. For example, saying yes to oral sex doesn’t automatically mean you’re saying yes to intercourse.

Consent can be taken back at any time.

Even if you’re in the middle of something, if you start feeling uncomfortable, you always have the right to stop.

It’s not consent if you’re afraid to say no.

It’s not consent if you’re being manipulated, pressured, or threatened to say yes. It’s also not consent if you or a partner is unable to legitimately give consent, which includes being asleep, unconscious, under the influence of conscious-altering substances or not able to understand what you’re saying yes to.

In a healthy relationship, giving and receiving consent is an ongoing process.

Establish boundaries by discussing what things you and your partner are comfortable with and what things you may not feel comfortable with. Always ask first. Communication is key.

Be clear and direct with your partner if you don’t want to do something.

Don’t be embarrassed to say that you don’t want to get physical. Be honest and make sure that you are heard. If the other person is not listening to you, leave the situation.

How Do I Know if I Was Raped or Sexually Assaulted?

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/types-of-sexual-violence/what-is-sexual-assault

https://www.healthline.com/health/was-i-raped#common-scenarios

Don't end up here:

How many women see their partner’s true colors on their wedding day/ honeymoon? 

Giving him sex when you don't want it causes your body to unconsciously respond as if you were being sexually assaulted.

He's not joking, he feels entitled to your body and genuinely thinks you're a bitch for not giving him free access to it.

Your life would be easier as a single mom...

The way my eyes widened when I read this title. Absolutely not, you are not his breathing sex doll.

I put up with this kind of abuse for 22 years with my ex.

The divorce was signed by the judge Thursday. Hallelujah indeed!

I am now 1 year in with a man who epitomizes so many things I thought were fairy tales. He respects me in ways I didn't know I was being disrespected.

He's absolute dynamite in the bedroom and I've had more orgasms in 1 years with him than in the literal rest of my life. He's affectionate, he's snuggly, he cares for me emotionally and is generous financially. We do things together, we do absolutely nothing together, we look out for each other. He holds boundaries and talks things through when he's bothered. He tries to understand how my abuse has shaped me.

OP, you deserve so much more than how your current dude is treating you - which is that you owe him attention and your body. He doesn't love you, he doesn't respect you, and it will not get better.

As linked elsewhere, Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That?" is absolutely amazing. Please make plans to leave. I walked out 2 years ago with a 3 and 2 yr old, and it was 1,000% worth it. The peace I have in my life cannot be measured.

I spent 13 years like this. Had 3 kids. He's not joking. He does not respect you. He is sexually assaulting you and saying it's his right. Your kids see this. My Dad did this to my Mom .. I hated it. And hated even more I fell into the same role. Get out and find your peace and worth!!

Doing some of these things you posted here actually makes him a bad person. Even if he was a saint in every aspect not mentioned in this post he is still a bad person. I hope you find the strength to leave him so your kids don't grow up with him as a role model.

You are not a human to him. You’re a Pez sex dispenser.

I would wager that there are other dehumanizing behaviours beyond these you are not talking about.

Talk to a DA/DV center NOW.

Leave him, yes I have a higher sex drive than my wife it's very common in marriages, but never ever would I call my wife a bitch for saying no or even suggest that's her duty.

Sounds like an ex-husband.

Based on the examples you shared, I suggest you get the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft.

Whether you are in a relationship or not the book can help you understand a partner in ways you'd not see otherwise, help you know what to look for in the future—inform you of what a friend may be going through.

Consider giving it as a gift.

Free PDF of Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft : Download the book.

But before you read the book, read this thread:

How many women see their partner’s true colors on their wedding day/ honeymoon? 

How do these people end up married. Op. He's not joking. He feels entitled to you and it's gross

aw hell no, has he called you this before? i'm so sorry ): don't let him coerce or manipulate you.

also, i had an ex like this. that constant groping is so fucking disgusting, and it doesn't matter how many times you say stop cause they don't care and they don't learn. it makes you feel so objectified and sexualized and causes you to completely lose attraction to him. honestly i eventually just broke up with him. he grabbed my tit one day when we were taking a selfie and i just looked at him and realized how ugly he was. that was it. bye bye

Your post history is really concerning, you seem quite complacent with your husbands immaturity and abuse. Please tell this man to fuck off next time he treats you like a walking vagina.

Divorce.

I'm guessing he also doesn't care about the welfare of his children, since he is willing to send them out of the room to have sex with you that you don't really enthusiastically consent to or desire -- there's a word for that, by the way.

He is not joking and doesn't respect you. Sorry.

Please leave, if you can.

Please please please get away from that man. My ex-husband would do this... and it escalated to the toddlers crying for diaper changes and breakfast outside the door while I was forced to have sex. It won't get better and it will escalate.

"Giving him sex" gives me such a slimy feeling... Sex is a two yes activity, something for both participants to enjoy. If my wife isn't into it, it 100% kills the mood for me too.

He isn’t joking when he says it is your duty; that is what he really thinks, but he knows it isn’t acceptable, so he veils it as a joke.

I’m so sorry you are in this situation. Your husband is disgusting. How could you ever want sex with someone who treats you like a human flashlight and thinks nothing else is important but the state of his dick?

If you want support, you’ve got it. This is not okay. Let this be your last straw.

HE IS NOT JOKING and anyone who would call their partner a bitch for not wanting to engage in sex at all times doesn't deserve a partner. I know it's hard when you have children, but if there is a way out, you need to take it. This is not one of those times where you can sit down and talk to them and lay out boundaries. He's shown you what he thinks of you. You and your children will suffer more in the long run for putting up with this kind of behavior. Again, HE IS NOT JOKING. He will say anything not to face any repurcussions for his actions, and most of the time that comes in the form of "but it's just a joke." He's an asshole, plain and simple.

Why not see a family lawyer just to see what your options are

If he isn't going to to any effort to seduce you and is just demanding sex, then it seems like a him problem. Have you tried asking him what he's doing to make himself a person you want to have sex with? (Lightening the housework loaf, childcare load, making you feel attractive in a way that doesn't feel like street harassment, making you feel like he's interested in you and not just your boobs, generally not acting like a 6 ft toddler with one hand on his dick and shouting.). On a more serious note if I was being grabbed at like that while I was doing something else I'd have a fairly visceral response and he needs to learn not to do that.

says it’s my duty as a wife.

😳

It's not a joke if only one of you is laughing.

Here’s a pretty good article that explains things….

https://www.yourtango.com/news/woman-reveals-why-wives-are-never-mood-sleep-their-husbands

Op, he considers you a bang maid. If this isn't what you want the rest of your life to look like or your children thinking this is a healthy relationship, you need to walk away. These men don't change.

If I complain he gets mad, says it’s my duty as a wife. Jokingly, of course but I still feel cheap and disrespected.

Narrator: "It wasn't 'jokingly'."

Your husband is a piece of shit.

Run. The kids are young. They’ll adapt. But when they’re grown you’ll still be stuck with this man as partner and he doesn’t see you as that. You’re an object to perform duties at his call. Honey, go live your life for YOU. I just left a ten year marriage a couple years ago, don’t put your life off anymore.

Instant divorce button hit

We get groped and pawed at like sex meat when we're exhausted and doing all the things, and then they moan "AAAAAAHH I NEED sex you don't understand "

No, you have conditioned to think sex is the only form of intimacy there is, and as a result your main feelings are horny and angry.

Oh. Oh he doesn’t like you. Kinda seems like he thinks of you as a an item.

Husband doesn’t want a Wife or Partner. Husband wants a BangMaid.

Divorce. any man who calls you a bitch doesn't respect you. Not just that, if he calls ANY woman a bitch he doesn't respect women, meaning he doesn't respect you.

Tell his family, friends, and coworkers his funny funny jokes after you consult a lawyer. This man hates you and doesn’t even see his own children as people.

he's being incredibly disrespectful. its amazing how your sex drive can disappear when your partner isn't an active household participant - it stuck out to me that hes still sleeping at 2pm while you have been doing literally ALL the work that goes into having a house and children.

it sounds absolutely horrific to have to fight your husband for your own body autonomy every single day. no one should have to put up with this.

He sounds exactly like my ex husband.

He would never get a meal, sex, conversation or care from me ever again.

I can't tell you what to do about your situation but I really think this is a watershed moment in your marriage and some serious changes need to be made.

"says it’s my duty as a wife"

It's not funny and you have bodily autonomy. Your body is not his just because he married you. You know your body better than anybody ever can and you reserve the right to refuse sex whenever you want, eat what you want, wear what you want, push whatever limits you deem appropriate, etc. And if it's unwanted, your husband's gropey behavior is harassment, if not straight-up sexual assault.

This dude is no better than a neurotic monkey masterbating in his cage at the zoo. You deserve better than someone who is completely consumed by his sex drive. A caring giving partner can manage his own feelings and have enough empathy to take others feelings into consideration.

This is SA. Leave him.

What about his duty as a husband? To take care of you. And your needs.

I stopped at bitch. Disrespect is a no. He meant it.

You are not a fuck doll. You are a person, with wants and needs and it does not include having to spread your legs on demand.

Think about what makes you happy and feel safe.

Show him just what a bitch you can be by divorcing his ass.

This is seriously disgusting. I would get therapy. No way I’d ever be able to be intimate with someone who demands I give it when I don’t want to. How do women continue to love their rapist? I know it’s common but I’ll never understand that dynamic.

This is not okay. You deserve so much better than someone who feels entitled to your body. You and your kids would be so much better off without a man like that around.

The term is bang maid. You’re the maid/nanny/cook/and full time sex provider. It’s the ultimate of disrespect. Most next moves involve an affair because he’s not getting enough sex and it’s your fault. You need therapy friend. I hope you get the support you need.

He is not joking. He sees you as an object just like his car or his phone or his computer. You're just something he uses to make his life easier/better. You deserve far more than that.

Weirdly, you would likely be more in the mood if he did half the childcare and house chores, take turns gettting up early and making sure each of you has some good downtime. (Assumption made naturally, as he is asleep at 2 pm..)

And that doesn't negate the lack of respect, or just that when you're in the middle of a task or around kids or crawling into bed, you will just not be in the mood. Children are exhausting and people tend to get weirder and have less functional brains. I hope you find a way through this-

Ooof another bangmaid story

Where do you draw the line? He straight up called you a very disgusting word. He feels entitled to your body. A no isn't acceptable to him. Let me guess, he's also not apologizing for that word. You have to know this won't get better because he absolutely doesn't respect you.

If someone waked into the kitchen and grabbed my boobs or crotch, I would punch him in the face. How is that not assault?

I would rather raise my twins alone than raise them alongside a man who treated me like a vagina who cooks (to borrow the words of another commenter). A partner should make your job easier, not harder. Divorce this misogynist.

Your husband sounds exactly like my ex and guess what? He was cheating on and off for our entire relationship. Please be careful my ex only got more violent the more I said no over the years.

Read your other post on AITA about your husband too, you are not in a good situation. He is unempathetic, does not care about your kids, and does not value your emotions as a human being. You are communicative and honest, and he can’t handle that. I’m sorry you had kids with this man. Good luck.

Not giving it to him? God. He has two healthy hands. Get him a doll and tell him that you gave him sex.

His using you as a sexual appliance is bad enough. The fact thst he's happy to have his kids be hungry while your kids go hungry is even worse.

Would you be proud of your children if they grew up to be just like their father?

Reminds me of the song:

All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid
Nymph then a virgin, nurse then a servant
Just an appendage, live to attend him
So that he never lifts a finger
24-7, baby machine
So he can live out his picket fence dreams
It's not an act of love if you make her
You make me do too much labour
-Labour by Paris Paloma

You feel cheap and disrespected because he's disrespectful towards you and treats you like a cheap whore. Please get out of that relationship. Staying "for the kids" is hurting everyone.

He's what is called a sex pest. It's a form of assault.

Girl, this man doesn't care about you much less love you or your children. He is telling on himself and you should listen

Yeah I don’t think he’s joking

He's not gross for having a higher sex drive (currently anyway) or wanting it often. He IS gross for calling you a bitch, and joking-but-not-really saying it's your duty. Those are not loving ways to deal with the situation: they're just plain mean and sexist.

FFS, you have 4yo twins, and I'm guessing taking care of all the childcare, cooking, cleaning etc. Of COURSE you're tired and not in the mood. I highly doubt being called a bitch worked to remedy that either. If he can't see that, that's a problem. Have you suggested counselling or therapy? Because his behaviour needs to change.

He doesn't respect you.

I'm all over my wife all the time too. The difference is, she and I have talked about about it ahead of time, I know her boundaries, I have consent, and she enjoys it.

He isn't joking if he isn't listening, and you are being disrespected.

My wonderful significant other is going through a lot of changes in life, and physical intimacy is one of the things that goes away first during periods of high stress which comes from previous trauma and can last for weeks. There's a lot at play at work for her and we're both addicts in long term recovery.

Does it get to me sometimes? Yes. Do I get feelings inside like my male instincts and needs are going unfulfilled? Yes. What that doesn't mean is that I have any right to put my needs [wants*] ahead of hers. She is worth so much more than an orgasm. I'll admit I fall short sometimes, and there are times when I might act out on the hormones... But I'm the first to admit it. We connect like I've never experienced before during times of physical intimacy, so it is worth the wait.

I say that to predicate this response... You don't deserve to be treated this way. The male dominant monkey motherfucker bullshit has no place.

You need to have a serious discussion at a time when he isn't initiating to address just how fucked up this us. My ex fiance used to be like this. It was never him trying to seduce me, make me feel good or even like he wanted to have sex with ME - but it was that "I'm horny" or he'd paw at me and then be confused why I wasn't raring to go, it made me feel like a sex toy and there is nothing more off putting.

I was also doing lions share of house work whil3 commuting for 13 hour shifts as an ED nurse, being someone's mum or maid does not make you want to bang them. I got the ick and in the end the relationship ended because he was unwilling to address us having any issues. Something needs to change here OP and fast if this relationship is going to have any hope.

He does not respect you and doesn't see you as a separate person with her own needs and feelings. Talk to a divorce attorney and quietly start to make your way out of this marriage. It's not going to get better, it will only get much much worse.

Source: My own experience.

You lost me after "give it to him."

Sex isn't an "it." It's a joint activity that requires BOTH parties to consent to it and, in theory, should be enjoyable for BOTH parties. With the wording he's using, he's acknowledging that he doesn't expect you to enjoy it - at all - but it's something he's OWED, because in his mind, he's superior to you and what he "needs" (coughcough) is more important than anything you want.

Couples therapy if you think there's something to save - but he will not recognize that he's ruining things with his attitude because - spoiler alert - he honestly does not care what you want. The only thing that matters is he's not getting laid whenever he wants, and he's willing to call you names to put you in your place.

That is not a kind or loving thing to do. He doesn't see you as a partner and this will not get better.

And yes, words absolutely do matter - because this is showing you exactly what he thinks of you.

“No giving it to him”. Just take that in for a second. That’s quite rapey, controlling, and undeserving. We don’t owe sex to anyone.

This man is sexist, disrespectful and a rapist. What is he bringing to the table in this relationship other than probably money? Run.

That is disrespectful and demeaning.

Does he ever give you affection without the expectation of sex?

My fiancé and I fuck like rabbits and he’s never once done anything even close to this. He never even gropes me at complete random times like that even tho I’ve told him I don’t mind. His words; “you’re not a piece of meat”.

Please leave him girl

Divorce him

This is exactly why I am divorced and never want sex again. Ever.

Your husband is an asshole who is basically using you as a sex worker

If you want to stay with him, I suggest you start making him pay you $1000 per sex act and you are also free to say no when and wherever you want because nobody is ever obligated to give anybody texted anytime for any reason whatsoever

And if one partner desire sex, and the other doesn’t, then there is no sex and that’s the end of it there’s no discussion and no sulking

There is exactly 0 situation where you should force yourself to have sex. This is absolutely not a duty. It does not matter who is in front. Rape and sexual harassment are still things even in a couple. Your consent is not being respected, you are being sexually assaulted/harassed.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You are victim in this situation. You should seek help for your wellbeing. If your partner had overwhelming sexual needs, this is not your responsibility. They also can get help with medical professionals.

nippy intelligent ad hoc file glorious divide rain snails pie waiting

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

I rarely say this, but his behavior is truly disgusting. There’s a saying: when people show you who they are, believe them. He’s showing (and telling) you just who he is. Is this someone you want as a role model for your 4-year olds? (Edited for typo)

What's your next step? Stay married and deal with him for 40 more years?

The only thing I would be giving him is divorce papers. I know Reddit jumps to divorce way too quickly 99% of the time, but this behaviour is unacceptable.

He’s pressuring you. He’s spouting some hyper-sexist expectations about gender roles. You are not a walking sex toy, you are a human being who deserves respect. He is not joking, he is coercing. He is putting his wants before his own wife and children’s needs.

I would not be comfortable raising children around this man.

Your post history is really concerning. This man is abusing you. I know it feels impossible when you’re a stay at home mom, but please start making plans to leave.

He will never change. He isn’t joking and he doesn’t respect you. To put it bluntly, you either need to accept that this is your life or leave.

Divorce immediately

Ew. Sex is supposed to be enjoyed by all parties involved. You are a whole person. You deserve better. ❤️❤️

I am a HLM and my fiance is LLF, but I would never think of making her feel guilty or shit if she says no. I ask once, and leave it at that.. then I thank God for inventing hands.

Wow. He's disrespectful. Remind him that marital rape is no longer legal. Women are entitled to do what we please with our bodies.

Wow I can really feel the romance /s

so you do the childcare and he just sleeps in? I’d send them in to wake dad and tell hi. Your off out to do some errands and go have a nice coffee and break

Tell him HIS duty as a husband is to put you in the mood. If you’re not, it’s because HE has failed in his duty.

Girl, because you ARE being disrespected! Especially if he says it every time...he is not joking. He means it.

I'm the one who's got a higher libido than my partner. Pretty much almost everyday too. I touch his ass and crotch all the time, but we both CONSENT to these sort of free touches.

When it comes to sex though, I'll respect a denial and go masturbate on my own. Sometimes, he comes join me by using toys on me because he just doesn't have the libido to have sex. Sometimes, he tells me "Sure, but you have to take charge and go on top."

BUT IF HE SAYS NO, IT'S NO! I won't push it. People who see wives as fleshlights are a whole next level of human trash. YOU STILL HAVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SEX.

just tell him to fuck off.

Cut him off completely until he learns to respect you. The bar will go no higher than you set it for yourself.

My SO also wants it all the time and will come in and do those same things, but he is sweet about it, and would stop if I asked. He also respects me when I say no or I'm not feeling it.

Start protecting yourself now. If you don't have a seperate bank account, get one. Make sure you can protect your babies.

Disgusting

Sorry but if this is the way he is all the time...according to you. The only question I have is, why the fuck are you still with this man and why did you have kids with this man?

The cracks about your "duty as a wife" are not jokes. He means them.

Girl, leave him. He's going to start an affair or dump you off when he gets tired of hearing "no."

Any person who prioritizes his orgasm over the needs of his children is garbage and you deserve better than that.

My question for this would be: is he good in bed in a consistent and reliable manner? Seems like 9 times out of 10 guys like this not only have wildly mismatched sex drives with their partners, but they're not even good at it to begin with. Sex is usually an important part of a relationship. But masturbation IS a potential substitute (at least some of the time), that far too many men refuse to even consider.

Here's the thing - if he's laying hands on you when you're not wanting it, that's crossing a boundary. It would actually feel like sexual assault to me (I don't give a fuck if it's my legal partner, you don't touch me without permission I am not fucking property) and I'd have gone nuclear already if this was a common occurance.

It's not your duty. It's not your responsibility.

Husbands (and BFs and wives for us queer ladies) that do this kind of thing infuriate me. Lay down the law - he either needs to find a better way to commuicate his needs or he can leave. Yeah, I know that's extreme but I see posts like this every single day and I'm tired for you all. I'm tired of hearing how you're all disrespected, how you're all viewed as a piece of property to do the man's bidding. Do not tolerate this.

Ok, I’m a father of twins here myself. Holy crap. 2 PM and he’s still sleeping. Unless he works a job where he comes home at 6 AM from work and gets in bed, that is ridiculous. I can’t even imagine sleeping in past when my kids wake up. There’s a time and place for everything, but that’s like “Dad is sick and really tired, let’s let him sleep until 10 instead of waking him at 630.”

I’d have to literally be the sickest I’ve ever been to still be in bed at 2 PM when my kids are up. Maybe my kids were different but on the weekends they want to play with Dad and I want to enjoy my time with them. They’re only young once. I love my 10 year olds, but I do miss them at 3/4 years old

This is moving into divorce territory. You and he may not realize it yet, but it is.

You are extremely likely develop an aversion to sex with him if he persists and you continue to accommodate him, especially if there is an orgasm gap (which is all too often the case with selfish men).

Get help now—counseling for you as a couple and for each of you individually. Be very honest about how you experience his actions and persistence. If he holds it against you, there may be no future together. An entitled person unwilling to grow and change is a lost cause.

Too many men think their sexual wants are “needs” and “natural.” They are not. There are enough men and enough cross-cultural studies and evidence to show the type of entitlement your h feels is culturally constructed—which means it can be deconstructed and reconstructed. He just has to accept that and work on his entitled thinking. Ha, “just.” It’s a huge hurdle—but the paradigm shift once someone makes that shift is amazing.