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My Husband Said Something I Can Never Forgive
CONTENT WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULTSeriously. Clean break and never look back.
I mean... even a messy one is better than staying with someone that would go so fucking low. At least IMO
Even at my lowest, I have never, ever, used anything so personal against my husband. I must echo that he isn’t a safe person. I think this would make me find a divorce lawyer within the day had this been me.
Leave him. Divorce him. The marriage is over.
This.
He is not a safe place for you anymore.
Do what you need to do to get your things in order and leave. If you have a trusted friend or two reach out to them.
You are not alone in the this. Know that there are so many of us out here sending you love and support and wishing you nothing but strength and courage to keep taking the best care of you. You can do this. You deserve so much better than the shitty people you’ve had to deal with so far.
He is not a safe place for you anymore
He was never a safe place if he was willing to use her trauma against her during a petty argument.
I second this! We are all here for you OP! I will keep you in m prayers! ❤️❤️
Yes! So glad you are still with us OP! Don’t let the bastards grind you down! You know you are stronger and better than those pieces of trash. Throw them out and live a happy life!
This is literally the only answer.
OP, your husband is a pile of dog shit cosplaying as a human. I'm sorry, I know you loved him, but now he has shown you his true self. There is no coming back from saying something like that.
Message to the OP here. As a man I have got to say that if I were your husband I would have put your mother's husband in a wheelchair. What he said is unforgivable. The system failed you. A depraved creature using a human body desecrated you then got away with it. Years later your new mother-in-law doubted you and your own husband discredited you.
I had a hard time reading what your mother did to you. She is a harlot of Satan. She is an emissary of hell. She isn't your mother, she is your enemy. She allowed him to rape you then helped him to get away with it. Your mother is an accomplice to your abuser.
Your husband is a scumbag that does not deserve you. Divorce this loser. Pinocchio had a wooden nose because he wasn't a real boy, your husband has a wooden dick because he isn't a real man.
Id fuckin light his dick on fire
He fell into my knife. He fell into my knife ten times.
And then his head fell off.
What a terrible accident! Oh no.
I'm more than willing to be a witness I saw the whole thing and it was indeed just an accident lol
Right after his dick, your honor.
OP, seriously.
One of few times when Reddit’s divorce opinion is totally valid
This. I’m so very sorry. The betrayal again- by him- you don’t deserve it. May you find and use your strength to free yourself once again from such betrayal, so that you can know true peace. Any further conversations should be with a counselor present.
marriage is over.
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1mo
Not just any therapy but trauma therapy. EMDR really helps.
Stop doing anything for him. From here on out, you only work for you.
Move out of your bedroom. If you co-own together, stay on premises until you talk to the attorney and they advise on you on what you can legally do.
Get an attorney, make sure get any legal paperwork you need filed against him to prevent him from having any power as your next of kin and file for divorce.
If he asks why, tell him that if he believes you lied, he should want a divorce. It's because you did not, that you will never spend a minute more around him than you have to. He chose the nuclear option. Take pictures of your cutting and hide them. If grounds are needed, I'm sure that can be used to show emotional abuse.
Seconding all of this. If there’s a guest room, OOP should sleep there.
Husband is no longer her safe person.
ETA: sending you THE biggest hug
Turns out, he never was. It’s devastating, OP. I promise you that you can get through this.
Truly heartbreaking
Message to the OP here. As a man I have got to say that if I were your husband I would have put your mother's husband in a wheelchair. What he said is unforgivable. The system failed you. A depraved creature using a human body desecrated you then got away with it. Years later your new mother-in-law doubted you and your own husband discredited you.
I had a hard time reading what your mother did to you. She is a harlot of Satan. She is an emissary of hell. She isn't your mother, she is your enemy. She allowed him to rape you then helped him to get away with it. Your mother is an accomplice to your abuser.
Your husband is a scumbag that does not deserve you. Divorce this loser. Pinocchio had a wooden nose because he wasn't a real boy, your husband has a wooden dick because he isn't a real man.
Hey, former childhood and adult survivor here. First, before anything else, let me tell you that I believe you and what happened wasn’t , isn’t, and will never be your fault. Also your mom is horrible and I am so sorry that she wasn’t there for you then and isn’t here for you now. Your husband is an abusive asshole and you deserve so much better.
Leave him now— his behaviour at the least is toxic and in reality abusive. Go to a friend’s house or a women’s shelter— if you go to a women’s shelter or a YWCA most have temporary housing and group therapy (and sometime individual therapy). Additionally, if you choose to, you could schedule an appt with a local DV counsellor at a ywca or equivalent or use psychology today to find local therapists that work with your insurance or use a sliding scale for payment.
If you need help locating these resources please hmu and I can help you.
AMEN!!!! Thank your kind words for OP & offering her help. I’m so sorry for what you both have went through. Worked as a pediatric nurse for years and it is beyond sad that many victims do not get the support as well as justice they deserve .
I'm so proud of you for realizing that the poor fool and his mom weren't worthy of the power you were giving them and not ending things. Kick that motherfucker to the curb and live an awesome life.
Please create an escape plan and leave him. Tell trusted friends that are not mutual with him that you want to leave him and you need somewhere to go. Get your ducks in a row and leave then send him divorce papers. He’s a monster and you should be with someone who treats you with gentleness and doesn’t weaponize the abuse you faced as a child. My god he’s horrid.
This is the answer. Unfortunately there are too many people misunderstanding the role of the courts in these comments. They divide assets. Dramatic flare will not help her here. Anything seen as spiteful will actively hurt her. It will help her to be calm and discreet and to act quickly. Meet with a lawyer without telling him and ask how to protect her assets, maybe how to best document and describe his behavior towards her.
OP deserves so much better. What an idiot she married.
Someone who should have been a safe person for you is no longer that. He deliberately triggered you, and caused you to relapse, and hurt yourself. Getting away from him, and therapy need to happen, in that order.
I told my husband only ONE time about my abuse story. There was no court case, no police report, no one to corroborate my story. But he believed me and never doubted me. In fact, he hates my abuser with as much passion as i do, maybe more.
I'm literally crying for you.
This man is not worth cutting for.
He's not worth wasting your breath for.
Please be strong and leave. He can never make you happy again after what he said.
May his future be sad and sorry May his words burn with a woman’s fury
Get an Attorney, Take the house, the car, kids, his reputation AND his pension. He can go live with his Gd mommy.
And after the divorce find yourself a Brujah who will take care of this karmic contract for you
He's a disgusting AH including his shit of mother. No wonder he's like that growing up with such a vile woman like her. Please OP leave. Our partners are supposed to be there for us supporting us in every way. Let them believe whatever they want you owe no one an explanation. Ppl who side with Predators are the same ones who protect/defend them
The marriage is done. He’s a piece of garbage.
fuck him . He’s abusive
So sorry. For him to betray your trust and then invalidate the SA as a figment of your imagination. I could not live with someone like that.
Op, I’m so sorry that this happened to you. My heart aches for what you went through in your childhood and the betrayal of your family and now your husband. I don’t know if your relationship can recover from this. But you need to focus on your well-being and recovery. I hope you are getting professional help to process your trauma; if not, please seek help. You have done nothing wrong. You are brave and deserve to be loved and respected.
You need to leave him. What he said is unforgivable. Find a lawyer ASAP, and divorce him. He's proven that he doesn't love or respect you.
Get out. Omg. So sorry.
Fuck him, fuck his mother and fuck his hurtful, awful words. I’m so sorry OP that a) you went through such trauma to begin with and b) your vile excuse for a husband made you feel that way.
Please protect yourself and end this marriage. Please also care for your wounds - you don’t deserve any more scars than you already have x
I’m so sorry he triggered and blamed you. But he did this on purpose. Someone who can use the worst thing that ever happened to you as a weapon doesn’t love you. Love doesn’t hurt like this. It was malicious and you deserve better. From everyone in your life who hasn’t supported you when you needed it. Please get into therapy if you can. It’s helping me with my PTSD. You deserve to be happy, safe, and healthy.
Very well said!
He’s a stupid fucking bitch, fuck that motherfucker and his absolute c—T of a mother. You’re right, those losers aren’t worth it.
Perfectly said
Outlive your enemies. Your husband is the enemy.
Divorce. Go to a lawyer immediately.
I pray you take all his money in the divorce
So sorry, op. You're right though. They're not worth it. Please leave him for your sake. You will not get better with him in your life. Divorce is the only option I see here.
Hugs. I believe you.
Therapy.
Eat. Drink water. Stop punishing yourself for their fucking shitty behaviour.
People have hurt you over and over and over. You do not ever need to be hurt like that again.
I am so sorry you had such an awful mother. A good mother would have kicked her husband out at the first sign. Hugs to you. And lots of hugs to that inner child. You deserved better.
That marriage is dead. You deserve better.
I'm so sorry op. I know I'm a stranger but I believe you. I would've believed you without this information. I would've believed you when you were a child. You deserved a mother who fought for you
And of course you're this upset. They brought it all back up. Your husband brought it all back up, and re-violated you (for lack of better words.)
They completely invalidated you and did exactly what the courts did. You're right, your husbands mom is exactly like your mother.
I hope you leave him. But more importantly I hope you heal. I hope you find people to surround yourself with that let you have your voice and your power back. People who uplift you and believe you and support you.
I would've barfed if he tried to touch me at all, personally. I don't usually go to leave him but please for the love of god leave him.
This wasn't an argument. This was him telling you he doesn't have any respect for you, your emotions, your healing process. That man does not love you. Maybe he doesnt know what love is but whatever the reason, he does not love you. He loves mommy and gossip and keeping you down. He loves winning more than he loves you. And he loves mommy more than he loves you.
I'm so sorry op. It's another violation. Don't let him keep doing it. Don't let him get away with it.
Try not to be too hard on yourself about relapsing. I'm in recovery too but holy hell this was NOT your fault. I'm one to take accountability for one's own emotions and actions but not this time. This was all him. What a disgusting thing to say to anyone let alone your wife.
Good luck OP. Please take care of yourself. ❤️🩹 edit: spelling
Long past time to dump the pos.
Oh my God. This truly shocked me and brought tears to my eyes. This breaks my heart for you, OP.
I hope so much you leave this marriage. He has shown you what a putrid, morally corrupt pig he is. There is no apology in the world that could right this wrong.
Keeping a good thought for you.
This man is not safe.
I 100% believe you. Nothing that happened to you is your fault. It's all the fault of that bastard who stole your childhood, innocence, and family from you. But he didn't take everything from you. Youre still here. You fought when nobody else would.
I'm so so proud of you for that.
You are so much better off without that asshole in your life. Get him out of your life. He doesn't deserve a place in it.
If you need a friend, I'm a boring 44 year old mom from a Midwestern farm town. I'll have your back. I'll listen to you vent anytime. I'll give you advice anytime. I'll be here for you ANYTIME.
Get away from that fool. Give him nothing else of you. No more time. No more attention. No more words. Don't even look at him as he doesn't even deserve your eyes to lay on him.
He's a prick. You're amazing. You got this!
First take care of yourself. Call your therapist. Or find one asap
You will be okay. You know your truth. Your weee betrayed by the people who shoukd have been protecting you. I’m so sorry.
You don’t deserve any of this. Alone is better and safer than this. Hugs child. Lots n lots of hugs .
You should know that in many states you can still pursue justice through personal injury attorney. Some of those cousins might want to talk about it now. And sadly I’m sure there have been others since.
The burden of proof is different in civil cases. And in many states the statute of limitations is over 30 years if you were assaulted as a minor
That is unforgivable. I wouldn’t say that to my enemy. I’d walk away
Don’t cut yourself anymore please …. Those people aren’t worth it , your mom family n that punk isn’t worth your life . I can’t say it enough my mom relapsed and we did nothing about it and till this day she doesn’t speak to me and I regret that so much
Seek a therapist and divorce lawyer.
Hey OP, you're getting a lot of good advice from people here already, so I just wanted to tell you one thing:
You're a fucking warrior, and I'm so impressed by you.
You were in the pit, the darkest place your mind can go, and you pulled yourself out because they don't deserve to hold that kind of power over you. So many times, I've had to pull myself out of the pit with "x would be sad" or "I couldn't do that to them". Sometimes I needed someone else to pull me out. But you? You were strong enough to get out of the pit for you. For your dignity, your life, to spite those fuckers and LIVE. You're my hero for the day.
Yes, everyone saying to get a divorce is correct. There are lots of suggestions for the future that will be useful when you're able to take steps towards them. Revisit them when you have the energy, because right now all your energy is going towards the here and now. I just wanted to acknowledge what you did for yourself, how strong you are, and that this shit is HARD. It's okay to tend to your immediate needs right now, and save the rest for when you've recharged.
Also, when I'm too nauseous to eat, I fill up with some water or milk. Just get something in your stomach first, so it can be prepared for when you do eat. Drink your calories if you need to, so you have the energy to keep going. Maybe stay away from fizzy things for now. Order takeout if that's all you have the energy to do, or the only thing you want to eat. Healthy, unhealthy, right now that doesn't matter. Whatever will get some nutrients in you. Start small, stay hydrated - that'll help control the nausea and calm your system.
You've got this. You are a warrior. And they aren't worth your time and energy.
This! This is what I was trying to say in my comment. Like first she hasn't cut in 20 years - like AMAZING!!! And then she does and she's literally like nah fuck you, you aren't worth my blood and stops.
I don't know if people realise how hard it is to stop doing something like that when it's your coping mechanism and it feels good. Especially with such a huge thing to set it off. OP just went into the pit and was like "nah" and flew out. Skipped the ladder entirely. Fucking Queen.
And if the reason to carry in living is because your fish/cat/dog would go hungry, or because, like me, you are a spiteful bitch, who cares. You are alive and getting through the now so you can deal with shit in a healthy way later.
People who pick themselves up or know when to ask for help to pick themselves up and keep going are amazing.
OP i’ve been through an almost identical situation. everyone also defended him and he never has paid for what he did. as far as your (soon to be ex) husband, I left my ex 6 years ago and never looked back after he said / did a similar thing to me. I moved away and started a new life, my business and now i’m married to the most incredible man who is my safe place. was it easy? hell no. but having endured the things we have were strong bc we’ve had to be. use that strength to build your dream life. oh and if you arnt already in therapy, seek out a trauma therapist ASAP. it has helped me process the trauma safely and has provided me with healthy coping skills I still use during PTSD episodes. sending you so much love OP ❤️
Please tell us you are going leave this POS.
PLEASE DO.
LEAVE.
Protect your money, savings & any assets (car, house, 401K, etc) when you plan your next move. Remove him as beneficiary on any policies. Set up medical directives naming trusted people as decision makers in case of emergency. Don’t forget arrangements any pets you might have now. Good luck & don’t give that Mama’s boy any more of your power.
Girl get out. If this was the only harm he has done to you- still get out. Of course it isn't - he has abused you in ways you haven't mentioned, perhaps you haven't realized yet. Please find a way out.
Please go to an attorney and name someone else as durable power of attorney for healthcare. You don’t want him anywhere near making decisions for your mental and/or medical healthcare. Once that’s signed and sealed find a therapist. If you want a divorce then go for that too. Sounds like your husband has been saving up those little gems to throw in your face for sometime.
Divorce him. He is a worthless thoughtless asshole.
OP. As a man I have got to say that if I were your husband I would have put your mother's husband in a wheelchair. What he said is unforgivable. The system failed you. A depraved creature using a human body desecrated you then got away with it. Years later your new mother-in-law doubted you and your own husband discredited you.
I had a hard time reading what your mother did to you. She is a harlot of Satan. She is an emissary of hell. She isn't your mother, she is your enemy. She allowed him to rape you then helped him to get away with it. Your mother is an accomplice to your abuser.
Your husband is a scumbag that does not deserve you. Divorce this loser. Pinocchio had a wooden nose because he wasn't a real boy, your husband has a wooden dick because he isn't a real man.
Oh my fucking God. He called u a liar?! Son of a bitch! I am so sorry this happened. The abuse and now the neglect and betrayal in ur marriage. Fuck this guy. If he can't understand ur feelings, then he shouldn't be with anyone.
Lawyer up. Take him for EVERYTHING. Run.
Contact a therapist right away. You need to take care of your mental health first and foremost. Next, contact a lawyer and start the divorce process. There is no coming back from this. You do not need to be with someone who uses your trauma as a weapon. He is abusing you. Please protect yourself. You deserve so much better than him. Good luck. 🫂 ❤️ UpdateMe.
He’s not safe anymore and neither is your home. I am so deeply sorry you are going through this. Take some time off of work if you can, get some rest for a day or two, so that you can begin the process of leaving if you wish to do so. If you can get in contact with a therapist it may be a good time so they can help you navigate this time. You deserve to feel safe, you deserve love, you deserve respect, you deserve to be seen.
Do your area have any shelter or community that can support you? Please get help on your drinking and cutting. If you are having financial issues can you find out whether there's any free resources that help you to get out of this marriage? A healthy relationship keep the sex dirty and the fight clean. He fight way too dirty for your mental health. Please, please reach out for help.
Get the fuck away from that monster.
I hope to god you are now prepping divorce papers. How anyone can stay with a pig like that, I'll never know.
Have you ever had trauma therapy for what you went through? It may help. You won't know unless you try.
I'm sorry no one believed you. I know how that feels.
On the chance this is a real post and even if not, for all who are abused and not believed:
Divorce this horrible fucking man and let him go live with his mommy.
I stg I get closer everyday to forming a vigilante group/support network that just wipes abhorrent fucking people like your husband and your abuser discreetly off the face of this earth. I'd throw in your mom as a pre-emptive good faith bonus too because she's the worst person in this whole thing aside from your abuser, of course.
OP I'm so sorry those who should have didn't protect you. I'm appalled the man who supposedly loves you above all others is actually a loathsome piece of shit that has brought all this back for you. Please know he shouldn't need unequivocal proof to believe you. A person that loves you would believe and support you. A person that loves you would have never told his mother without your permission. A person worth your time and access to you would have told his mother to shut her fucking mouth after she uttered those words and either cut her off or threatened to without breathing a word of what she said to you to protect you from her and triggering your trauma. I was also abused, went to court, and not believed. Your words are enough. Your husband isn't even worthy to be considered a cockroach.
Please don't let him have the power to steal your progress, ability to love/trust, and stagnate you in the resurgence of all of your trauma. Please seek a reputable, licensed counselor who specializes in treatment for sexual trauma/CPTSD if you're not already seeing one. Talk to them about immediate help for your intense emotional pain as you navigate healing long term. Sometimes we need something to be ok and help put ourselves in a safe, receptive place to continue ongoing treatment.
I love you though I don't know you, and I wish I could eliminate this pos before he had the opportunity to invalidate and hurt you further. Imo he doesn't deserve the breathe he draws in his putrid lungs nor does his mother, your mother, or your abuser.
That's it. Set the wheels in motion - time for divorce. 1st step talk to a lawyer if you have any assets together. Second block his family's numbers. They are likely going to try and reach out. Third. Therapy and Tetris. You need to talk to someone qualified beyond Reddit and the Tetris can help with the ptsd. You are a survivor and don't need to be made feel like a crazy person because someone wants to twist the knife. You deserve better.
Leave and don’t look back. He sounds awful and so does his family and things won’t get better. He’s trying to make you feel like the POS that he actually is in real life. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You spoke your truth and it’s hard to convict child molesters who have people on their side, especially those who have the resources and influence to help them. His other victims didn’t want to come forward for their own reasons and your mom and stepdad used it to their advantage.
I’m sorry that your mom didn’t protect you. As a mom, this makes me angry, sad, and disgusted for you. You didn’t deserve that: no child does. Children deserve to be cherished and protected. Sending love to you and the strength to heal and move on.
The marriage is over. This man doesn’t care about you now, if he ever did. I’m so sorry
Divorce him and start therapy
Leave him! Leave him as soon as possible. Im never one to say that so quickly but I’m enraged for you. He doesn’t deserve to breath your air. Run, run divorce and don’t look back. Find a good therapist for yourself. Know your own worth.
I wish that I could hug you so tight, all the broken pieces started to knit back together. I hear you. I believe you.
I am furious for you that you have been betrayed so badly. Time to find people who have your back.
oh my god you’re surrounded by senseless people. your family and his. leave rn go somewhere else and meet new, hopefully better people cuz where you are right now sounds like hell
Omg, stop falling on the sword for this loser. You need to divorce him. You know you shouldn’t be drinking this much and cutting yourself. C’mon. This guy is worth it??? Really?
Living in a women's shelter would be a healthier situation than this.
I’ve been sitting here for 5 minutes trying to dial back my emotions after reading your post and I’m STRUGGLING. The betrayal that you have endured, from the people that you have loved most and are SUPPOSED TO LOVE AND PROTECT YOU is absolutely HORRIFIC.
You were a child and no one protected you. You grew into an adult, with that trauma in a backpack and then you have been re-injured all over again. It breaks my heart for you. I’ve never wanted more to reach reach through this app, grab you into a hug and tell you that your abuse, from everyone in this story is disgusting and wrong.
You can heal. It doesn’t feel like it but I KNOW you can. People can be so utterly cruel and you have had the unlucky draw of having two of them in key roles in your life. Please see your worth and know that you are an adult now, protect yourself for that little girl that couldn’t. Dig deep and find that inner-strength that has gotten you this far and walk away from this.
You can do it. I see you, I hear you and I believe in you.
There are good people out there. You deserve love, support and protection. I’m sending you so much love and peace.
He is not worth wasting another minute of your time with. What a worthless POS.
You deserve to live your life with someone who believes you. The fact he thinks you are capable of lying about such a thing shows you this scrum does not know you.
Please leave, find a safe place, get therapy for your relapse and heal. You need to find peace and happiness and it will never be with him.
Please take care of yourself.
This is above reddit to handle. I hope you reach out to someone trusted or a professional just for assistance. You have a great head on you, you just had your life upended and you fell back into familiar coping mechanisms. Now it’s time to get yourself safe, healthy and happy.
I am genuinely so sorry.
You are worthy, and the world is better with you in it.
I can guarantee you will see and feel that yourself, when you’ve found supportive loving community committed to making you see it as well.
Can you find therapy or counseling? Can you look into support groups?
I want to run/jump/hop of leave your husband lane, but I also see that you have very limited support. Is there anyone out there you can reach out to?
Again, I am so sorry. I believe you.
Divorce and run.
I’m so sorry all this happened to you!!!! What a nightmare!!!!
There’s no coming back from this. I’m so sorry all of this happened to you. Your husband should have validated your feelings and helped keep you safe. He failed greatly. I hope you’re able to get away from him and find the peace and comfort you deserve.
I am so very sorry. You deserve someone who sees and appreciates the core of who you are, the survivor that you have become. Your husband’s words were deliberately hurtful. He threw your abuse in your face on purpose. Whether he believes you or not is a nonissue at this point; that in and of itself is enough to leave. Love does not manifest as that kind of cruelty.
Do you have any resources or another place to stay?
That’s so disgusting. There’s no coming back from that. And fuuuuuuuck his mom.
If you’re not in therapy, pls get professional support. Please also find a lawyer, leave him. Block and delete his mother at once.
I am so sorry for all that you have been through and for he and his mother re-traumatizing you. He’s a really horrific person.
Your mother in law would not be able to dig up court files. Sexual assault cases are restricted from public access
Please leave him. Go to a shelter if you must. Can you talk to a therapist? My heart breaks for you.
Fuck that man and his mama too
Get yourself away from this horrible human being.
Ok you need a lawyer and counseling.
Obviously you need to file, but you also need professional help, because you’re self harming. And I think maybe the lawyer should be involved because if your husband finds out you’re self harming he WILL use this against you. Talk to an attorney immediately this is urgent.
Wow. I hate your husband.
Your husband is scum. Your MIL is the bitch who spawned scum.
Your old family is a horror show.
You are right. These people are worthless.
Now, how do you get out?
May he experience the same emotional pain that you went through.
So many people can fuck right off!!!!
It is not your fault. I believe you. I hear you. I am so sorry this happened to you. You’re not over reacting.
I hope you leave that worthless piece of trash. No matter what he says, he just showed you who he is.
:((((( OP, I have no words. I am so sorry.
I am so sorry. I can't believe what he has said to you.
I would go talk to your primary care doctor to have a "record" of your wounds. And probably get notes from the doctor stating you're having depressive episodes because of life events. They won't put you to psych ward or anything. Trust me I ripped all my toe nails off and showed it to them. It's ok, medical professionals understand.
Now, if you can, whenever you have energy, call the local domestic abuse line. They will have representatives assigned for you to assist through the divorce. Get the protection order if you need to. Get the heck out of that abusive gaslighting relationship as soon as possible.
Wish you the best of luck.
Get away from that evil fuckin’ piece of shit!!! To go 20 years without cutting is a major accomplishment (believe me I do know, it’s been 8 years) and he, with his vicious mouth caused you to relapse. Don’t let him do this to you ever again. It’ll be some work to get past this, but you’ve already proven you can do that. Please, please, please no more cutting.
I am so sorry you are going through this. What a huge betrayal, in more than one way. You have to leave this man. You deserve so much better. Please be good to yourself. Don't let those people dictate how you live your life. You know your truth and what they think does not matter. Just leave and find someone who deserves you.
Get a lawyer.
Who says that to someone they are supposed to love? Your husband and his mother are despicable people.
Please get out and get help for yourself.
There’s nothing left to save. Get your ducks in a row, get a lawyer and get a new place. Then leave.
Oh op I'm so sorry all of that happened to you. You never deserved it and I believe you.
What your husband said is a relationship killer,to me. Maybe to you too?
Leave. Him.
He's a fucking prick and his mother is a bitch. You are losing nothing here.
Honestly - i do not see any way this can 'be right' again.
I know people say stupid things in arguments - but this was cold, calculated, and intended to hurt you / throw you off balance. From "that" and it`s mother. (Really, with this kind of behavior, i cannot acknowledge their humanity anymore)
OP, i have no words that will make any of this easier. But, choose for YOU. You are worth more than be a partner to 'that'. With these comments, he has proven him and his family are not safe for you, for your trauma, and not a good place to process things and heal (further).
Instead of turning this hurt and anger to yourself - bottle it, and let this fuel your next steps - lawyer, and then your freedom.
I know you don`t want to be touched now - so i`m sending you positive thoughts.
I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this. I believe you. I’ve been someone who wasn’t believed about abuse. It destroys your soul. It’s bullshit. You know the truth and so do the others who have been in your shoes. I’m sending you so much love right now.
You’re going to get through this. You’re going to start over and build a life and community who unconditionally loves and supports you and helps you to understand how wonderful and worthy you are. We’re out here. 🤍 Your soon-to-be EX husband is the lowest of the low. I don’t think I’d even be able to look at him at this point. You’re exactly right that he and his mother aren’t worth any of your suffering, though. You didn’t deserve that horseshit and I’m sorry he was pathetic enough to pull it. There is no forgiveness for him.
Do you have health insurance right now? Either way, I think calling 211 could do wonderful things for you and help you to find a counselor. You need acute help immediately to get through this part. That’s okay. That’s what they’re there for.
Do you have any friends around or anyone with whom you could potentially stay for a bit? It’s not healthy for you to be around him and he doesn’t deserve your presence. No one needs to know the specifics of your situation, and a real friend wouldn’t push to be in the know.
Consult a divorce attorney ASAP. Find out what your options are. Do it tomorrow. The sooner you find out, the sooner you can get away and start to truly heal. One day in the very near future, you’ll never have to see his face or hear his voice again. I’m really looking forward to that day on your behalf. 🤍
Yeah there's no going back from that. Get your ducks in a row and get out
First of all, I'm so sorry for you have gone through and I need to tell you I believe you, I'm in your corner.
Second of all, your husband and mom can go fuck themselves. I totally agree w you that what he said is unforgivable and he doesn't deserve any of the good things that you bring into this world. Fuck that.
Is there any safe person you can vent to? A good friend? Do you have a therapist? This is heavy shit (I can relate) and you need a safe space, is there anyone you can turn to?
You have all the right to be upset and feel triggered, we all cope in unhealthy ways when we are pushed beyond what we can take and that's not your fault, but please, take care of yourself.
You don't need to make big decisions "right now". Divorcing this asshole and his asshole family is smth that can happen next month, first find a therapist, talk to a trusted person so you can regulate yourself first. Get your ducks in a row so whatever you do next benefits you/doest hurt you and keep yourself as your priority always, all the time.
If you think I can help, feel free to reach out. I'm a woman, you can look at my profile to read my comments and or posts.
A hug if you accept it. Stay safe pls. You matter and you are worthy.
I know I'm just a commenter from the void... but you need to get out of there. All the papers and clarification and who's what is who's can wait. You need to put yourself somewhere safe, and hopefully with/near a trusted friend or family member.
I would take leave from work, pack my things and never spend one more minute or night in that “home”, anywhere is better than around him.
Please ditch that motherfucker. He's just as bad as your mother and her husband. A loved one that betrayed you, like you said.
There is no longer any trust in this relationship. Time to move on.
You need to start making an exit plan.
I am so sorry! As a child abuse surviver myself whos mother also did not believe me, I know how much this hurts. You deserve better than him and his mother. I can't see any way to save the relationship after those words. you will never trust him again. You do need to get some support in place. A safe councillor that your husband doesn't know about. Get your ducks in a row and start living for yourself. I hope eventually you find someone you can trust.
Pack your things and leave him, stay with any family or friends that you can. Or kick him out if you’re able, just leave him and divorce him NOW. Someone who would say that to you does not deserve your time or energy, nevermind to have you in their life. Kick him to the curb, find a GREAT divorce lawyer — I don’t know where you live but in a lot of places if you’ve had a meeting with a divorce lawyer they cannot represent your husband in the divorce so immediately make appointments with every good divorce lawyer in your area so he cannot hire them. Take all the money you can and use it for therapy instead, that will actually help you process your trauma and get you to stop self harming once and for all.
This man is not a safe person for you to be around anymore and if he betrayed your trust in that way, perhaps he never was. He sounds manipulative and terrible — anyone who truly loves you would NEVER weaponize your trauma against you.
I hope you get rid of him, and find some peace in therapy. 🩷
I forgot to add — I’m so sorry about what you went through and that your mom, her family and the system failed you. It’s not your fault and you deserve to be healed and happy and not traumatized and I’m sorry that they did that to you. It’s fucked up and no one ever should have to go through what you have. Sending you love and support on your healing journey and I hope you can eventually get some peace 🩷
I’m sending you huge hugs 🫂 OP. Please put yourself first…💗
You’re not emotionally or psychologically safe with him. You should leave for your own sake.
LEAVE HIM ASAP. Maybe stay with your aunt as you wont need to explain anything to anyone who doesn't know. But get the fuck out of that house.
Get off of Reddit and file for divorce, this is unforgivable.
What a piece of shit. I’m appalled.
DUMP HIM. HE IS ABSOLUTE TRASH.
Do not stay here. Leave him. He violated your trust and he used your trauma to hurt you. Please don't stay.
Please escape to a woman's shelter. You need a safe place and support.
I am sure you have sought therapy before, perhaps you are still in therapy, but if not then I really think you should.
I am in your husband's position, more or less. The love of my life was abused by a family member repeatedly during her childhood, and it has and continues to take all her strength not to let that fact seep into every aspect of her days. She is working on herself, we are working on our life together. I would never for one second share any of this with my family. It has never even crossed my mind to question the veracity of her statements.
Your husband seems to dislike you. Perhaps your relationship has simply ended up in a resentful place where you no longer have the care to be kind to each other. Maybe he never really believed you. Whatever the case, I can't see how you can trust or respect him ever again after what he has said and done, and to me that means it is time to make the plans to remove him from your life.
I'm so sorry. None of this was ever about you, just the repeated failure of those you were supposed to be able to trust. You aren't a magnet for shit. You are worthwhile.
The marriage is over. He fucked it up beyond repair. Him and his mother, just like your family members, are absolute scumbags. Please get therapy and divorce that POS.
Please get help. You can go to a shelter if you need to but get away from this man and his evil mother. Collect all the papers you need. Take half the money. Get a lawyer. Get a counselor. You don’t deserve this. You are with loving. You deserve a good life.
I was also abused by my mother’s second husband, and she divorced him immediately when I told her. Your mother is awful, your mother-in-law is awful, your husband is…dead to you. I would never stand for this emotional abuse. They caused you to relapse into a dangerous situation, while your husband should be there to nourish your soul and protect you. I hope you leave this toxic family as fast as my mother left my abuser.
Leave him. No explanation. Cut him off.
Leave him. Get therapy.
The person who you literally should feel the safest with, actually told you he and his bitch ass mom, take the side of your rapist. You are never safe with this man. Get out. You are in control of who has access to you. YOU ARE IN CONTROL of this situation. Stay, and be with someone who believes your rapist, or decide victim no more, and anyone who does not have your back, gets removed from your life.
Removing everyone from my life that didn’t support me against my abuser, was the best decision to me finding true peace. Diagnosed with ADHD (strangely common in abuse victims), and CPTSD.
Please go speak to a divorce attorney and figure out your options. You need to leave this man and his trash ass family behind you forever. You were correct, none of those disgusting people are worth your life or your health, please do not let them get in your head. They are disgusting and that's the only thing I'm willing to say on here or I'll get banned. You need to protect yourself right now. Talk to a divorce attorney, find a therapist, gather and lock up important papers. I'd even start slowly removing things that are important to you, anything that is only yours and sentimental, from the home and storing them somewhere he doesn't know about. Immediately stop communicating with him and his family. I'd even put cameras in the home to record his abuse towards you. Get away from him.
It is not uncommon to gravitate toward the types of people that surrounded us growing up. Your home is not a safe place for you, you are spiraling into addiction and are very high risk for even worse self harm. Don’t let the monsters who harmed you have this kind of power over you. I suggest getting away from him if at all possible to give you some safe time. Consider stopping drinking if you can. Seek out a group of survivors or people who understand. Good luck to you, big hug
For the love of god, DIVORCE YOUR HUSBAND!! He does not respect you nor does his family!
OP, this is heartbreaking. Please reach out for help and leave your abusive husband.
Get your ducks in a row and get out of there.
Get your stuff together and go. His whole family is OK with excusing raoe. Don't stay. Don't bring children into this family and find out that you've continued the cycle. Don't let him worm his way back into your heart. It's time to leave.
I cried reading this. I am a former childhood and adult survivor here. Also my stepdad from the age of 4 until 12/13. I didn’t have the courage to let anyone know but it told my mom in a disagreement when I was around 20 years old.
She said she didn’t believe me and tried to turn everybody against me. That didn’t work because the others all had a feeling that something wasn’t right. When I was 6 my grandma even caught him naked in my room but they didn’t do much except have a disagreement amongst family about it. So it continued.
My partner knows and he always supports me when I have flashbacks. Sometimes things will happen that trigger this. He would never ever ever use something like this against me. NEVER! Your husband and his mother are weak and disgusting humans to use this and think of you this way. You were a child, A CHILD!
Get away from him as soon as you can. It might not be easy but these people are not worth it. They turned the worst thing that happened to you and tried to find fault in you. That’s appalling!
I can’t advice you where to go because I live in the EU. But please find help. You are worth all the love and trust and devotion a person could ever give to you!
EDIT: your former family members that didn’t believe you and were against you, as well as your mother and abuser are the things that demons are made off. Pure evil!
Leave. You are right. They are not worth it. Leave.
Please, please, PLEASE LEAVE HIM. This isn’t a healthy relationship AT ALL. I’m so sorry.
Oh my fucking god, I hate him and his family. I'm not someone overly comfortable with touching and I still want nothing more than to hug you right now. Because you deserve, and on some level need, a safe and secure physical contact. You deserve to feel safe, feel validated.
I believe you. I believe what happened to you and I believe your pain was and is real and well warranted. We all believe you. I'm so, so fucking sorry the justice system let you down and let him walk. It's disgusting.
I'm not usually one to jump on the divorce train, but your husband and his witch of a mother are utterly vile. You need to be away from that toxicity so you can better heal. Please try to find a therapist you can open up to. You deserve happiness and healing. This man is an infection festering in your wounds and preventing them from healing, keeping them open, making them necrotic.
Walk away and surround yourself with people who will.be a salve for your wounds and who will want to see and help you heal and grow in healthy direction.
I'm so sorry, OP. He's trash. His mother is trash. Lord knows your family is shit and if there's a hell, there's a BBQ in their future. But sweetheart, please, talk to someone. Find a therapist who specializes in CSA. Right now, your coping strategies are so unhealthy and dangerous. I know how hard it is to bare your soul to strangers. But there are people who can help you. Please talk to someone. And divorce that bastard. He's a piss poor excuse for a man. I wish you so much peace and happiness in the future. You deserve to be happy. The first step is to kick his ass out. The second is to talk to someone about your trauma and reclaim your life.
Divorce your POS husband and go get trauma therapy to help support you through the divorce. Your husband and his mother are pedophile enablers and are total garbage and dangerous for your wellbeing. Dump that toxic dump of a man and family. You deserve better than that tailing pond of toxic waste.
I can’t believe you slept next to him after what he said. How are you even staying under the same roof as him.
I know how it feels to not be able to trust your own. I shared my trauma with ex husband and during an argument he threw it in face. That day I went right to my lawyer and started the divorce process. It taught me that I could never trust people with my pain. Two of the most important people hurt me to my core.
You need a shrink asap and to leave him.
This is disgusting ,it s unforgivable .end Of story
Get help
Get out. You’re right, he is not a safe person. And please, please, find a counselor and put your local suicide prevention hotline in your phone.
Just get out now. Good luck OP🍀
Get away op. Start a life away from anyone like this. Get some therapy. Start living a happy and peaceful life.
I'm so sorry you had to go through all those horrific situations. But I'm also glad that you get to know your husband's true nature and that you have the strength to stand up and, hopefully, get out the door and get him and his family out of your life.
Sending hugs your way if wanted.
Your right unforgivable. Get an exit plan together. If you have a safe place to stay go. If not tell him to leave if he won't make him sleep on the couch. Keep yourself physically healthy he does not deserve you. You are a strong survivor do what you need to live and get away from him. Sorry your life has turned out like this but please keep moving forward and don't lose hope that things will get better.
Leave him ASAP. What the fuck. You deserve better. I'm sorry, OP.
Never let those who hurt you get a front row seat to your suffering. I'm sorry the one person you're supposed to be able to trust in this world hurt you beyond belief. ❤️
I’m sorry to say this is wish I had something nicer to say but your husband straight up hates you.
Update me
Updateme
Honey please leave him. You deserve so much better. Being alone without breathing the toxic air around him is better. No man is worth your peace. I'm sorry that POS used your trauma against you, I'm sorry his mother is an asshole, I'm sorry your mother isn't worth the title. Their shortcomings are not yours. You are valuable and unique and worthy, and worth so much more than the treatment you've been given.
I understand the trauma response. I’m here if you need anyone that hasn’t quite gone through the same thing but very similar.
Please seek professional help and leave him. You are not wrong in how you feel. He betrayed your trust.
You need to give yourself credit. You already survived the worst part and the worst people. Your husband and his mom have shit for brains. Please stop hurting yourself. Work on building a good life for yourself. Maybe you need to be single.
Anyone who weaponizes someone else's trauma in order to make themselves feel in control and powerful, is also an abuser.
Please oh please leave. Start over. Anywhere. Leave and don't ever look back.
Ugh beloved I am SO sorry!! You didn’t deserve any of what you disclosed here. He’s a POS!!
I am so VERY sorry.
If you can keep ONE thought in your head right now, make it: I HAVE TO PROTECT MYSELF.
CALL whoever you can trust, and GET OUT OF THERE.
Dear OP I am so sorry for what those monsters (the abuser and his enablers) did to you… I hope you’ll find the strength to gibts therapy and to divorce this POS.
Contact a divorce lawyer, learn what steps you need to take for your best interest, this marriage is over.
I have (had?) PTSD and tried a new form of EMDR called brainspotting; in some cases, it can take only one or two sessions to work. I am suggesting it to everybody who can find a practitioner and afford it.
Leave this man and go do what's best for you! Hugs
Marriage is done. You need to walk away. I’m so sorry, but please prioritize yourself and leave him.
It's time to leave, my friend. I've got an extra bedroom you need a safe, supportive space. 🧡 Please be safe, happy, and healthy as far away from him as you can.
Are there Women’s abuse shelters near you? You have been emotionally abused and need some help girl. I could never forgive him either. You are hurting inside so bad right now that you need help right now. You can Google the number or call the emergency number in your area 211 or 311 whatever it is call it and get some help. They’re people out there who want to help you.
This is unforgivable indeed.
You need to end the marriage. He betrayed you and took your abusers’ side (your mom’s husband and your complicit mother). It’s over.
Well, I believe you. I can’t even process the idea that people would believe your stepfather over you. I am so sorry that happened to you, and even sorrier that everyone in your life made it worse.
Your husband is an asshole. There’s no coming back from saying that! I just hope you don’t hurt yourself again, or worse. Everyone else has advice for actually getting out, but I just wanted to say that there are people who believe you and believe IN you.
You must talk to a therapist. You have a bunch of issues to unpack, only one of them what you husband said.
Then at some point don't rule out couples counseling. He needs to acknowledge how he's hurt you, then learn communication skills.
Good luck.
Nobody has ever truly stepped in to protect you and advocate for you, aside from the aunt. I can’t imagine how disgusted you must feel with the people who said they loved you and then failed you. I am so so so sorry that you are facing this with your husband. Allow us all to be the ones to tell you that you need to run away from this man and never look back. Now it’s YOUR turn to protect that little girl inside you from an abuser. Shed every word. Get help and get healthy, and don’t allow anyone to manipulate you and hold you back from finding the peace and confidence that you need. You are strong and resilient, but you are allowed to be tired and angry and hurt. Don’t waste another bit of energy arguing with this man or trying to make amends. Leave, divorce, and don’t worry too much about taking his money if it’ll just rehash that trauma for you. Get the help you need and please keep us posted.
You need to get away from that abusive husband. Talk to an attorney about divorce.
Please leave him. This feels like a dangerous situation to be in, this is deplorable behavior from him and his mother. I hope you are ok
I was also sexually abused as a child and called a liar. The state dropped the charges because they said he was mentally incompetent. Odd because he had 2 other cases against him years prior and those were also dropped. What people don’t understand is when you stay quiet for any reason and don’t report you are protecting the abuser from being discovered and allowing them to do it to others. I’m sorry your mom was awful. I’m sorry your husband and his mom are too. I hope you can get away and find happiness.
What a heartless bastard. The husband, the MIL, the mother, jesus fucking christ. Assholes, all of them
I know those words, the ones that make you feel oceans away from the person you thought loved you best. Mine were, “Eating disorders are a crock of shit.” In that moment, I knew it was over.
Please talk to someone. Your husband is not a safe person for you,