Pets pirates tried before settling on a parrot
Fellas I get that he doubles up as an alarm clock and all, but they be calling me “Captain Bluebeard and his Cock”.
“I have full respect for captain Bluebeard, but he wakes us up every morning with his Cock!”
This is Mildred, my pet hippo. Mildred is such a good girl ... climb up on my shoulder.
Oh shiver me t- MITTENS! I thought I told ye ne’er to climb the sails! Don’t howl at me, ye little devil! This be the third time this week ye’ve gotten yer’self stuck tryin’ to catch the gulls.
so, how did you lose your leg...?
Arrrr an English canonball..
and your arm?
Arrrr that was Mike, my pet crockodile
"so anyway, the sailors kept staring and giggling at the babboon's weird ass, and I decided to look for something more practical"
“Bro, why you got a rock with plants sprouting out of it on your shoulder?”
"But it's in likeness of me very own head, and the little plants are like me beard, see? Plus, it was buy one, get one free!!"
“And what, may I ask, befell the other one?”
“Aaron the armadillo rolled up in his shell and won’t come out again.”
‘‘Twas all good until Pistolerlo Pete accidental loaded him into a cannon. Now he’s wedged into Queen Anne’s Revenge’s maidenhead.
Guys, that polar bear on my shoulder is not working out. He's pretty heavy and he keeps eating all my food. Also, can we talk about the smell?
"OK men, I'd like to introduce our new mascot. She won't need a crows nest!"
(Brings out a giraffe)
Arg this elephant is a little heavy to be sitting on me shoulder
Welcome to the Death's Head. I am John "Blackheart" Smithe. This is my first mate "Bonebreaker" Jones and my Bosen Black Jack the Ripper, and in that hutch is Mr. Periwinkle Nibbles the III my pet rabbit.
This damn cat keeps knocking my hat off! Hand me that honeybadger!!!
Royal Guard: " We finally caught the feared pirate Bloody Dave, responsible for 20 murders! Caught him red-handed!" King: "How did you finally find him?" Royal Guard: "His pet Buzzard just kept flying in a circle over this one small island.. "
"I'm worried about my shoulder hamster, let's put him in the ball for some exercise"
ship tilts a single degree rocketing the hamster overboard
This here be my pet snail. Be careful around him, the ocean spray be cruel to him.
Gary?
Hamster shit be building up on me shoulder arr
Captain, I don't think ye will get many a man signin' up to crew with Polly the Grizzly Bear! And even fewer with that wench Grizzly Polly bare!
Pirate: "Yarr, Mr Tiddles, if ye be a proper Pirate Cat, say 'Pieces of Eight' for me."
Mr Tiddles:
Pirate: "I said: say 'Pieces of Eight' for me."
Mr Tiddles:
Pirate: "Could you please stop licking your genitalia in an obscene manner, and say 'Pieces of Eight' for me?"
Mr Tiddles: "Miaow!"
Pirate: "Yarr!"
Aarrrgh. Me weasel hasn't popped all day. Where he be?
Dammit me Fluffy! Get down from the main sail! You scratched McGivens all to hell!
“Have I told you the true story of Captain Hook and his tick-tocking crocodile? He likes to blame Peter Pan, but he bought that croc in a port in Madagascar.”
After Mr. Fluffy Long Ears IV died of scurvy, the Captain decided that such companions were banned from the ship since there was never enough fresh fruit and vegetables to sustain a rabbit.
“Far yer information, she is a flounder AND an eye patch, but I’ll thank ye to talk to the eye what blinks, …naught the other two!”
Arrrgh, I keep losing me pet flea.
“Gosh Polly the rhino that’s the 3rd ship we sunk this week”
A cat--because he would want to do everything his way, knock everything overboard and climb into a box and sleep
Bluebeard was sure the capybara was the ultimate pirate pet. If only he could find a way to get it to stay on his shoulder.
Pirate Captian:Yar yarr Lenny want some blood ?
First mate: Cap'n sir do you think a leech on the salty brine be a good idea says I says me?
Captain: Well at least now we know those spider monkeys will bite our noses off while we sleep...Sorry about that Jim.
Cook, we be havin calamari for dinner tonight. Why that be, Cap'n? The Octopus mascot tried to eat the cabin boy again.
Rhinoceros. That’ll teach them Eng- oh fuck.
"Arr, me matey, It be I! The dreaded Captain Nuttybeard and his trained Squirrel armada! Get 'em, boys!"
"And they never found the ship again after the cats revolted."
Octopus
"Did yeh feed the piranhas?"
walks in with a missing finger
"Y-yes ... Please. I'm - I'm bleeding out."
Look it’s Captain Stench-Beard, and his companion Polly the Skunk!