A support community for those affected by C-PTSD

Today I felt like was at the beginning of an episode (I'm diagnosed with recurrent depressive disorder) because I've had low energy and felt numb and disconnected for the entire day. But the thing is I absolutely can't afford an episode right now with everything that's going on so I thought to myself that I need to take action. It was sunny outside so I went for a walk in the park and got myself a snack afterwards

And I kid you not, that shit actually worked. I'm feeling a lot better right now. Which is making me mad because I hate those "Oh you just need a positive outlook and some exercise, depression isn't even real" people and I don't want them to be right in the slightest. I've got a clinical disorder, how the hell did some Yoga Karen's advice actually work for that

Edit: I should have started responding to comments right away because now it’s gotten a bit too much to do that. But I’m reading all of them and I thank you all so much for the advice and insights! And to those who can relate, I really hope you get the help you deserve and that we can all make it

My depression is always there, the only thing kind of tames it are achievements - doing good in school? It reduces in intensity. Feeling strong at the gym? Not incessantly thinking about my prior failings.

I've tried a handful of antidepressants - they do help in a way, but they also turns down the volume on life itself. You know all the good feelings - not there any more.

Stimulants helps as long as they're in my system, but everybody knows you'll never have enough medication for that. I'm working out 4-6 times a week just to to keep my outlook on life neutral - it's more or less the only thing which helps me not feeling awful, except for those 10-15 seconds of ecstacy after sex.

I'm going to therapy, but it all feels pointless when enacting any change to your overall mental health feels impossible. I'm utterly powerless, trapped in a life I don't have any power over. I'm just drifting along.

How are you supposed to not wither away like this, or turn to drugs to squeeze out the last drops of 'feel good' before it ends?

Are we living on the same planet? It's terrible out here full stop. Prices ever rising, witnessing a genocide, I personally won't ever own a house, being employed but still having to pray I get hours, constant job searching or shilling oneself to be marketable, and of course healthcare being unaffordable for the masses if you're in the US. How could you not be depressed about modern life? Chances are you are struggling too, and are constantly being bombarded with the appearance of everyone else living a better life thrown in front of you too. Doesn't feel great. I'd think you'd have to be fronting or just genuinely unwell to think this is fine and dandy. I literally don't even want much out of life at all either anymore... I'd be content to just work a consistent 40hr schedule at a retail store if I could come home to working electronics and be of healthy body, and even that is getting to be a steep ask at this point. Like, when is enough just going to be enough?

A sudden change of thoughts? Perspective? Big change in life? Constant work on yourself? What made you better?